All language subtitles for sanford_son_s03e19_lamont_goes_karate

. . .

Oh, well, what did he look like?

Oh, well, they're doing that a lot
nowadays, Fred.

Burying people in dark glasses.

Oh, he did?

He had on a turtleneck sweater, too?

Well, I guess they wanted him to have a
sporty look.

Yeah.

is fine here, Fred.

Yeah, I'm looking after the house just
like you asked me to and taking care of

your only son.

Yeah, I fixed him a nice supper tonight.

Tuna burgers and hot potato salad.

Oh, no, no, no, he's not here, Fred. No,
he went out on a date, you know, with

his good friend, Rollo.

Yeah. Oh, no, Fred, look, now don't
worry about a thing, please.

Yeah, okay. I'll see you next week, all
right? All right. Bye.

Well, let's see. I'm finished with
dishes.

So I think I'll have a little snack and
look at the little television.

want to talk about it. Well, somebody
better tell me something.

What happened to him? What did you do to
him? I told Fred that I'd take care of

him, and look what you did. You went out
and got him in all this mess.

Hey, Grady, would you stop yelling at
Rollo? No, it's not even his fault.

Well, what happened?

Well, he got in a little argument, sort
of, and got punched in the nose, sort

of. Who? Who punched my best friend's
only son in the nose? Who was it?

Jojo Jackson.

Did you say Jojo Jackson?

That's right.

Jawbreaker JoJo Jackson.

The Central Avenue Sledgehammer.

We still talk about the same dude.

Oh, goodness, we better call the police.

Better yet, we better call the National
Guard.

Hey, Grady, just forget it, man. It's
all over. What do you mean it's all

Forget it. Look at your nose. You got
blood coming all out your nose.

And look at your eyes. You can't see.
You need some first aid here. Here, put

this on your eyes.

black eyes. Well, as high as me is
today, you're lucky that's not a piece

head cheese on your eyes.

Say, my man, if you're not going to
leave this balloon on your eye, I might

well make me a sandwich. Oh, no, you
don't.

This is all your fault anyway.

How come you didn't help him? Help him?
Yeah. I saved his life. I moved out of

the way when he was backing up.

Well, how come you didn't help him
fight?

What fight?

What number two licks throw? JoJo hit
Lamont and Lamont hit the floor.

fast as you was running.

You some friend, Rollo. Hey, I am your
friend, partner, through thick and thin.

But look, it got too thick, and I had to
get in the wind.

Yeah, thanks a lot, brother.

Oh, man, you my ace, and I love you like
a blood brother.

But I ain't gonna fight JoJo if he wants
to hit my mama.

Shall we?

Just don't worry about it, Rallo,
because I'm going to take care of this

What are you going to do? Well, look,
why not just take my advice and leave

enough alone and forget about it? Hey,
man, I'm not forgetting nothing. I'm not

going to let some chump violate my body
over a woman and get away with it.

Over a woman? Yeah, JoJo's woman, Candy
Nipson.

Hey, Rallo, Candy's not JoJo's woman,
and she told him that. That's why he hit

me, because he knows that she likes me.

Yeah, you can tell Candace likes you the
way she let you bleed all over her.

Well, look, now listen. I tell you, just
forget about the whole thing, all

right? Hey, I can't do that, Grady. It's
a matter of pride.

Oh, that'll look nice on your tombstone.

He died for pride.

Yeah, well, just don't worry about it
because I got a plan.

He hit me in my face, man.

That wasn't lemonade running out of my
nose. It was blood. And that's what I

in my vein.

Blood. Yeah, well, if you want to...

Eat that blood in your veins! You better
not -

Because I'm going to study karate.

See, Rollo and I are going back to the
Boondocks Bar and Grill, and if Jojo

Jackson starts acting crazy, I'm going
to have to use karate on him.

I told you I had a plan.

You're going to need more than a plan.
You're going to need some burial

insurance.

Yeah, well, just stay out of it, Grady,
all right? As a matter of fact, just

leave me alone here, because I'd like to
loosen up before my karate lesson. Oh.

Are you going to fight a midget?

You see that? Now, there's the
instructor now fooling around with you.

even have a chance to loosen up. You're
worse than my father, Grady.

Oh, hey, Gus.

Hey, what's happening, Mark? Come on in,
brother.

Hey, look, Gus, this is a friend of my
father's, Grady Wilson, and he's going

be staying here with us until my pop
gets back.

Grady, this is Gus.

What's going on? Yeah, how you doing?

Say, let me ask you something.

They let you ride the bus with those
pajamas on?

Oh, man, I drove over.

Well, how do you know he's qualified?

Well, do something. You know, break a
piano.

Eat a table. Run through a tree.

Do something.

Brady. Hey, look, Mr. Wilson, don't
worry. I'm qualified.

I'm a fifth -degree black belt. Did you
hear that? The man's a fifth -degree

black belt.

And if he messes with JoJo Jackson, he's
gonna need all five of those belts to

lower him into the ground.

Grady, you don't even know what you're
talking about, man. Mr. Wilson, karate

one of the oldest forms of self -defense
known to man.

It ain't older than running.

It's a Japanese word. It means empty
hand.

Oh, well, you'd have a much better
chance if you'd fill that empty hand

.38 caliber Smith & Wesson.

Say, looky here.

Sit down for a minute. Let me ask you
something, Goose. Gus!

Yeah, whatever.

Did you ever use any of that stuff in
real fighting?

No, but I have seen men get their arms
and their legs and even their skulls

busted in tournaments.

Oh, well, you don't need karate for
that. I can see that any night right out

there in front of the pool hall.

Grady, I don't think you understand,
man. Karate is foolproof.

Oh, yeah?

You the fool and JoJo is the proof.

Look, there's an ancient saying.

If your opponent is more skilled and
stronger than yourself and you can't

way to defeat him, And you must learn to
die well.

You hear that? Die well.

Look, don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

Once you have mastered karate, you can
master any adversary.

Okay, suppose you were attacked by two
dope fiends.

And they both have 12 -inch knives.

And it's about 2 in the morning, and
you're in a dead -end alley.

All right, what would you do?

I'd have a heart attack and drop dead.

Hey, Grady, would you please excuse
yourself now? We'd like to get on

Hey, wait, wait. Well, hold it. Wait a
minute.

Look, I can see you're still not
convinced.

Come on over here.

All right.

I'll show you what I would do if I was
attacked by, say, two or more opponents,

all right? Hey, Gus, you don't have to
do all of that. Hey, no, it's all right.

It's all right. I don't mind. Go ahead.
Oh, I don't mind. Okay.

First, the warm -up, right?

Mm -hmm.

See there? He doesn't know whether he's
swimming or wrong.

He's preparing himself.

Oh, goodness. Now he's praying.

You know what he's saying?

Oh, Lord, I hope my blue cross is paid
off.

Brady, would you just be quiet and look
at the man?

Okay.

Now, this is what you

call the Grady Glock.

Well, he deafened me and I didn't hear
him coming.

Hey, Gus, let's just go ahead. Yeah,
right.

Oh,

yeah. If you want to go against Jojo,
you got one thing right.

The screaming.

taking two young ladies to a certain
club and it's not going to be no repeat

what happened last Saturday night.

Oh, I thought you had forgotten all
about that.

Hey, man, I ain't forgot about nothing.
He hit me in my face.

If Jojo Jackson starts something
tonight, it's going to be an entirely

story. Yeah, you won't be around to talk
about it either.

Hey, Grady, what do you think I've been
taking these karate lessons for, man?

But you've only been studying for a
week. You don't know no more now than

knew before.

Hey, man, I know enough of the basics to
get by.

Oh, you mean your instructor taught you
enough so that you think you can go out

there and fight Jojo Jackson?

That's exactly right. He prepared me
enough for a meeting with Jojo Jackson.

Well, I certainly hope he prepared you
for a meeting with St. Peter.

Now, why don't you be reasonable and use
your head and stop what it is, dude.

A little of this, a little of that.
Yeah, you ready to split?

Let's win.

Hey, Rocco, wait a minute. Oh, no, man.

Yeah, well, come over here. I want to
ask you something.

Come here.

Look,

why don't you talk Lamont out of
committing suicide?

Oh, personally, Grady, I think you're
worried over nothing.

There probably won't even be a fight.

Hey, man, and if there is, I'm prepared.

Yeah, Jack, and I got you covered. I'm
your second.

You better get a third, fourth, fifth,
and a sixth.

For the pallbearers.

Hey, Grady, you ain't nothing but a
prophet of doom, man, and I'm not going

stay around here and listen to it no
more.

Hey, hey, hey, wait.

Come on back.

If you can't go out there and get
killed, your daddy's going to kill me.

And I'm too young to die.

Hey, let's drink a toast to my partner.

To the champ.

Hey, Lamont, I hope you know what you're
doing by coming back in here.

Oh, the man knows what he's doing.

Couldn't drag most men back in here
after Jojo Jackson had punched him in

nose. Hey, baby, he ain't most men.

Right, Lamar?

Oh, yeah, right.

Look how confident he is.

Confidence. And when we see you grab
that chump in his collar and beat the

course on his gums, that won't be you,
that'll be confidence.

Right, partner? Yeah, that won't be me,
that'll be confidence.

It was just... Oh,

Jojo Jackson.

You're blocking the door.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Jojo. I mean, Mr. Jojo. I mean,
Mr. Jackson.

I'm very sorry. I didn't see you. Don't
be sorry.

Just be careful.

Oh, yes, sir. Wait a minute.

There's something I'd like to talk to
you about, Mr. Jackson.

You want to step over here?

Do I know you from somewhere?

No, but... You got some business with
me? No, but I think you're going to have

some business with someone inside in a
few minutes.

About a week ago, you punched a fellow
in the nose. Remember that?

Look, I punched a lot of chumps in the
nose a week ago.

Yeah, yeah, but you punched this chump
in the nose over a woman named Candy.

Yeah, now I remember.

Some funny -looking dude with a
mustache.

Yeah, that's right, that's him.

Yeah, well, you see, I'm, uh, he's just,
I mean, see, I'm his guardian,

and I'm responsible for him. And what I
wanted to tell you, that he's in there

right now with Candy.

Oh, yeah?

Well, he shouldn't be, you see, because
I told him if I ever caught him with her

again, I was going to break both his
jaws.

I mean,

don't go in there like that.

Because, see, if you kill him, then
you'll be in a lot of trouble. I mean, a

of trouble.

What are you talking about?

Well, you see, he's got this nervous
disorder.

And he's subject to fits.

Especially when, you know, people bother
him.

Mr. Jackson, I'm telling you, he's as
soft as a grape.

Yeah.

Well, I'm going to peel his head.

I really don't think he's going to show
up. As a matter of fact, we should just

get on up and get on out of here.

Hey, punk.

Do you remember what I told you I was
going to do if I ever caught you with

Candy again?

I think so.

Wait a minute, JoJo.

This isn't Dodge City. You can't pull
that cowboy stuff around here.

Why don't you take him outside and deal
with him, Lamont? You're gone.

Well, you know, Candy, you...

You just can't take a man outside and
deal with him. I mean, this is a

democracy, and a democracy is built on a
man having a right to his own opinion.

Why, he probably don't even want to go
outside.

I want to go outside.

He wants to go outside.

I'll be outside.

Creep.

Wait a minute, partner.

The moment of truth has arrived.

We're going to go out there and show
that chump just what you learned this

Yeah, we're going to go outside and show
him what you know. I think the best

thing would be for all of us to stay
inside, for you all to stay inside here,

because there'll probably be a lot of
blood out there. Yeah, yeah, there is

going to be a whole lot of blood, and we
might as well stay in here. But if you

need me, partner, just holler.

Oh. Yeah, because I don't think this is
going to take too long.

What happened in there, Mr. Jackson?

When that clown gets out here, you can
see for yourself what happened. But

blink, because you might miss it.

Well, I'm telling you, Mr. Jackson, if
he has another fit and dies, you'll be

responsible. In jail for the rest of
your life.

Just think, incarcerated for the rest of
your days till your head is gray.

before you get hurt.

I'm gonna break both your jaws, sucker.

Have a drink on me.

Just anything.

and a specialist, we even took him to
Reverend Ike.

Yeah.

Well, good luck with him, old dude, and
thanks for warning me about that.

Sure, anytime, Mr. Jackson.

It happened so fast, I was moving so
fast, my whole body was in weapon. Feel

hard that is. You know what it was?

It was a combination of karate and
confidence.

Confidence.

and tell your husband that he'll be home
tomorrow.

All right, what are you doing with that
on?

I'm wearing it. What do you think I'm
doing with it on?

I know, but what are you wearing it for?

Well, it's comfortable, and it's good
for doing work around the house in.

Now, just sit down. I'll fix you a nice
breakfast. Sit down and get ready to

eat. Go ahead.

Have a seat here. You're always
complaining about something.

All right.

sausage again?

This is the third time this week we done
had pork sausage. We had pork sausage

yesterday and the day before and the day
before that. What is it with all these

pork sausages, Grady? What you trying to
do, kill me? Now, just wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

There is an ancient saying, if your
opponent is your best friend's son who

cannot cook for himself, then he should
eat what is put before him and learn to

die well.

Sayonara.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape
before a live studio audience.