Original subtitles

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Oh, well, what did he look like?

Oh, well, they're doing that a lot nowadays, Fred.

Burying people in dark glasses.

Oh, he did?

He had on a turtleneck sweater, too?

Well, I guess they wanted him to have a sporty look.

Yeah.

is fine here, Fred.

Yeah, I'm looking after the house just like you asked me to and taking care of

your only son.

Yeah, I fixed him a nice supper tonight.

Tuna burgers and hot potato salad.

Oh, no, no, no, he's not here, Fred. No, he went out on a date, you know, with

his good friend, Rollo.

Yeah. Oh, no, Fred, look, now don't worry about a thing, please.

Yeah, okay. I'll see you next week, all right? All right. Bye.

Well, let's see. I'm finished with dishes.

So I think I'll have a little snack and look at the little television.

want to talk about it. Well, somebody better tell me something.

What happened to him? What did you do to him? I told Fred that I'd take care of

him, and look what you did. You went out and got him in all this mess.

Hey, Grady, would you stop yelling at Rollo? No, it's not even his fault.

Well, what happened?

Well, he got in a little argument, sort of, and got punched in the nose, sort

of. Who? Who punched my best friend's only son in the nose? Who was it?

Jojo Jackson.

Did you say Jojo Jackson?

That's right.

Jawbreaker JoJo Jackson.

The Central Avenue Sledgehammer.

We still talk about the same dude.

Oh, goodness, we better call the police.

Better yet, we better call the National Guard.

Hey, Grady, just forget it, man. It's all over. What do you mean it's all

Forget it. Look at your nose. You got blood coming all out your nose.

And look at your eyes. You can't see. You need some first aid here. Here, put

this on your eyes.

black eyes. Well, as high as me is today, you're lucky that's not a piece

head cheese on your eyes.

Say, my man, if you're not going to leave this balloon on your eye, I might

well make me a sandwich. Oh, no, you don't.

This is all your fault anyway.

How come you didn't help him? Help him? Yeah. I saved his life. I moved out of

the way when he was backing up.

Well, how come you didn't help him fight?

What fight?

What number two licks throw? JoJo hit Lamont and Lamont hit the floor.

fast as you was running.

You some friend, Rollo. Hey, I am your friend, partner, through thick and thin.

But look, it got too thick, and I had to get in the wind.

Yeah, thanks a lot, brother.

Oh, man, you my ace, and I love you like a blood brother.

But I ain't gonna fight JoJo if he wants to hit my mama.

Shall we?

Just don't worry about it, Rallo, because I'm going to take care of this

What are you going to do? Well, look, why not just take my advice and leave

enough alone and forget about it? Hey, man, I'm not forgetting nothing. I'm not

going to let some chump violate my body over a woman and get away with it.

Over a woman? Yeah, JoJo's woman, Candy Nipson.

Hey, Rallo, Candy's not JoJo's woman, and she told him that. That's why he hit

me, because he knows that she likes me.

Yeah, you can tell Candace likes you the way she let you bleed all over her.

Well, look, now listen. I tell you, just forget about the whole thing, all

right? Hey, I can't do that, Grady. It's a matter of pride.

Oh, that'll look nice on your tombstone.

He died for pride.

Yeah, well, just don't worry about it because I got a plan.

He hit me in my face, man.

That wasn't lemonade running out of my nose. It was blood. And that's what I

in my vein.

Blood. Yeah, well, if you want to...

Eat that blood in your veins! You better not -

Because I'm going to study karate.

See, Rollo and I are going back to the Boondocks Bar and Grill, and if Jojo

Jackson starts acting crazy, I'm going to have to use karate on him.

I told you I had a plan.

You're going to need more than a plan. You're going to need some burial

insurance.

Yeah, well, just stay out of it, Grady, all right? As a matter of fact, just

leave me alone here, because I'd like to loosen up before my karate lesson. Oh.

Are you going to fight a midget?

You see that? Now, there's the instructor now fooling around with you.

even have a chance to loosen up. You're worse than my father, Grady.

Oh, hey, Gus.

Hey, what's happening, Mark? Come on in, brother.

Hey, look, Gus, this is a friend of my father's, Grady Wilson, and he's going

be staying here with us until my pop gets back.

Grady, this is Gus.

What's going on? Yeah, how you doing?

Say, let me ask you something.

They let you ride the bus with those pajamas on?

Oh, man, I drove over.

Well, how do you know he's qualified?

Well, do something. You know, break a piano.

Eat a table. Run through a tree.

Do something.

Brady. Hey, look, Mr. Wilson, don't worry. I'm qualified.

I'm a fifth -degree black belt. Did you hear that? The man's a fifth -degree

black belt.

And if he messes with JoJo Jackson, he's gonna need all five of those belts to

lower him into the ground.

Grady, you don't even know what you're talking about, man. Mr. Wilson, karate

one of the oldest forms of self -defense known to man.

It ain't older than running.

It's a Japanese word. It means empty hand.

Oh, well, you'd have a much better chance if you'd fill that empty hand

.38 caliber Smith & Wesson.

Say, looky here.

Sit down for a minute. Let me ask you something, Goose. Gus!

Yeah, whatever.

Did you ever use any of that stuff in real fighting?

No, but I have seen men get their arms and their legs and even their skulls

busted in tournaments.

Oh, well, you don't need karate for that. I can see that any night right out

there in front of the pool hall.

Grady, I don't think you understand, man. Karate is foolproof.

Oh, yeah?

You the fool and JoJo is the proof.

Look, there's an ancient saying.

If your opponent is more skilled and stronger than yourself and you can't

way to defeat him, And you must learn to die well.

You hear that? Die well.

Look, don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

Once you have mastered karate, you can master any adversary.

Okay, suppose you were attacked by two dope fiends.

And they both have 12 -inch knives.

And it's about 2 in the morning, and you're in a dead -end alley.

All right, what would you do?

I'd have a heart attack and drop dead.

Hey, Grady, would you please excuse yourself now? We'd like to get on

Hey, wait, wait. Well, hold it. Wait a minute.

Look, I can see you're still not convinced.

Come on over here.

All right.

I'll show you what I would do if I was attacked by, say, two or more opponents,

all right? Hey, Gus, you don't have to do all of that. Hey, no, it's all right.

It's all right. I don't mind. Go ahead. Oh, I don't mind. Okay.

First, the warm -up, right?

Mm -hmm.

See there? He doesn't know whether he's swimming or wrong.

He's preparing himself.

Oh, goodness. Now he's praying.

You know what he's saying?

Oh, Lord, I hope my blue cross is paid off.

Brady, would you just be quiet and look at the man?

Okay.

Now, this is what you

call the Grady Glock.

Well, he deafened me and I didn't hear him coming.

Hey, Gus, let's just go ahead. Yeah, right.

Oh,

yeah. If you want to go against Jojo, you got one thing right.

The screaming.

taking two young ladies to a certain club and it's not going to be no repeat

what happened last Saturday night.

Oh, I thought you had forgotten all about that.

Hey, man, I ain't forgot about nothing. He hit me in my face.

If Jojo Jackson starts something tonight, it's going to be an entirely

story. Yeah, you won't be around to talk about it either.

Hey, Grady, what do you think I've been taking these karate lessons for, man?

But you've only been studying for a week. You don't know no more now than

knew before.

Hey, man, I know enough of the basics to get by.

Oh, you mean your instructor taught you enough so that you think you can go out

there and fight Jojo Jackson?

That's exactly right. He prepared me enough for a meeting with Jojo Jackson.

Well, I certainly hope he prepared you for a meeting with St. Peter.

Now, why don't you be reasonable and use your head and stop what it is, dude.

A little of this, a little of that. Yeah, you ready to split?

Let's win.

Hey, Rocco, wait a minute. Oh, no, man.

Yeah, well, come over here. I want to ask you something.

Come here.

Look,

why don't you talk Lamont out of committing suicide?

Oh, personally, Grady, I think you're worried over nothing.

There probably won't even be a fight.

Hey, man, and if there is, I'm prepared.

Yeah, Jack, and I got you covered. I'm your second.

You better get a third, fourth, fifth, and a sixth.

For the pallbearers.

Hey, Grady, you ain't nothing but a prophet of doom, man, and I'm not going

stay around here and listen to it no more.

Hey, hey, hey, wait.

Come on back.

If you can't go out there and get killed, your daddy's going to kill me.

And I'm too young to die.

Hey, let's drink a toast to my partner.

To the champ.

Hey, Lamont, I hope you know what you're doing by coming back in here.

Oh, the man knows what he's doing.

Couldn't drag most men back in here after Jojo Jackson had punched him in

nose. Hey, baby, he ain't most men.

Right, Lamar?

Oh, yeah, right.

Look how confident he is.

Confidence. And when we see you grab that chump in his collar and beat the

course on his gums, that won't be you, that'll be confidence.

Right, partner? Yeah, that won't be me, that'll be confidence.

It was just... Oh,

Jojo Jackson.

You're blocking the door.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Jojo. I mean, Mr. Jojo. I mean, Mr. Jackson.

I'm very sorry. I didn't see you. Don't be sorry.

Just be careful.

Oh, yes, sir. Wait a minute.

There's something I'd like to talk to you about, Mr. Jackson.

You want to step over here?

Do I know you from somewhere?

No, but... You got some business with me? No, but I think you're going to have

some business with someone inside in a few minutes.

About a week ago, you punched a fellow in the nose. Remember that?

Look, I punched a lot of chumps in the nose a week ago.

Yeah, yeah, but you punched this chump in the nose over a woman named Candy.

Yeah, now I remember.

Some funny -looking dude with a mustache.

Yeah, that's right, that's him.

Yeah, well, you see, I'm, uh, he's just, I mean, see, I'm his guardian,

and I'm responsible for him. And what I wanted to tell you, that he's in there

right now with Candy.

Oh, yeah?

Well, he shouldn't be, you see, because I told him if I ever caught him with her

again, I was going to break both his jaws.

I mean,

don't go in there like that.

Because, see, if you kill him, then you'll be in a lot of trouble. I mean, a

of trouble.

What are you talking about?

Well, you see, he's got this nervous disorder.

And he's subject to fits.

Especially when, you know, people bother him.

Mr. Jackson, I'm telling you, he's as soft as a grape.

Yeah.

Well, I'm going to peel his head.

I really don't think he's going to show up. As a matter of fact, we should just

get on up and get on out of here.

Hey, punk.

Do you remember what I told you I was going to do if I ever caught you with

Candy again?

I think so.

Wait a minute, JoJo.

This isn't Dodge City. You can't pull that cowboy stuff around here.

Why don't you take him outside and deal with him, Lamont? You're gone.

Well, you know, Candy, you...

You just can't take a man outside and deal with him. I mean, this is a

democracy, and a democracy is built on a man having a right to his own opinion.

Why, he probably don't even want to go outside.

I want to go outside.

He wants to go outside.

I'll be outside.

Creep.

Wait a minute, partner.

The moment of truth has arrived.

We're going to go out there and show that chump just what you learned this

Yeah, we're going to go outside and show him what you know. I think the best

thing would be for all of us to stay inside, for you all to stay inside here,

because there'll probably be a lot of blood out there. Yeah, yeah, there is

going to be a whole lot of blood, and we might as well stay in here. But if you

need me, partner, just holler.

Oh. Yeah, because I don't think this is going to take too long.

What happened in there, Mr. Jackson?

When that clown gets out here, you can see for yourself what happened. But

blink, because you might miss it.

Well, I'm telling you, Mr. Jackson, if he has another fit and dies, you'll be

responsible. In jail for the rest of your life.

Just think, incarcerated for the rest of your days till your head is gray.

before you get hurt.

I'm gonna break both your jaws, sucker.

Have a drink on me.

Just anything.

and a specialist, we even took him to Reverend Ike.

Yeah.

Well, good luck with him, old dude, and thanks for warning me about that.

Sure, anytime, Mr. Jackson.

It happened so fast, I was moving so fast, my whole body was in weapon. Feel

hard that is. You know what it was?

It was a combination of karate and confidence.

Confidence.

and tell your husband that he'll be home tomorrow.

All right, what are you doing with that on?

I'm wearing it. What do you think I'm doing with it on?

I know, but what are you wearing it for?

Well, it's comfortable, and it's good for doing work around the house in.

Now, just sit down. I'll fix you a nice breakfast. Sit down and get ready to

eat. Go ahead.

Have a seat here. You're always complaining about something.

All right.

sausage again?

This is the third time this week we done had pork sausage. We had pork sausage

yesterday and the day before and the day before that. What is it with all these

pork sausages, Grady? What you trying to do, kill me? Now, just wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

There is an ancient saying, if your opponent is your best friend's son who

cannot cook for himself, then he should eat what is put before him and learn to

die well.

Sayonara.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.