All language subtitles for sanford_son_s03e15_fred_sanford_legal_eagle

Brady,

will you hurry up?

Will you hurry up? You move sword and a
fat woman in a cactus garden.

Barefooted.

Blindfolded.

Naked.

I just want to make sure you don't jump
me.

What'd you do that for?

Of course, you was going to jump me.

Well, you can't shove that out there
like that and then take your finger off

it. That's against the rules of the
game.

That's only because you made up your
mind that that's the move you wanted to

make. I know, that's what I said.

But it don't show I made up my mind that
that's the move I wanted to make.

It only shows that my finger is slower
than my mind.

Because after I shoved it, I changed my
mind, but my finger didn't change my

move.

Yeah, but you shoved it out there and
took your finger off.

That's my finger's fault.

Not where I wanted to shove it.

Brady, I don't know where you're going
to shove your finger, but I know where I

like to shove my foot.

Now, come on, man. Let's get some
action.

Fred, if I could get some action, I
wouldn't be sitting here playing

with you.

Come on, Brady. I don't want to rush
you, but I want to get this game over

before Lamar comes home.

Because if he comes here and finds me
playing checkers instead of doing my

he's going to be mad.

Okay. All right. Okay, okay.

I knew he was going to be mad, but I
didn't know he was going to be this mad.

We're going to stop playing, son.

That's not what I'm mad about.

What is it? I got a traffic ticket, Pop.
A dumb traffic ticket.

Let me see.

Failure to yield to the right of way.

What'd you do that for?

I didn't. I know you didn't. That's what
failing means.

See, you were supposed to do something
and didn't do it, and in not doing it,

that means that you did it.

You shouldn't have did it, but you did
it, didn't you?

What are you talking about?

I'm explaining the situation.

May I make a suggestion?

Well, the situation is that I had the
green light, but I still got a ticket

failing to yield to a guy who jumped the
red light.

Well, if you had the green light, you
can't get a ticket.

You can if the light is green and you
black and the cop is white.

Well, may I make a suggestion?

You say you're innocent.

That's right.

What are you going to do about it? What
do you mean, what am I going to do about

it? I'm going to pay it. What else?

May I make a suggestion?

Well, you can't pay that ticket if
you're right. If you're right, you've

fight it. Oh, come on, Pop. Don't be
ridiculous. You can't fight a traffic

ticket. I'm not being ridiculous. You
are.

Now, look.

You get a ticket from a white cop in a
blue uniform in a black neighborhood.

And make you so mad that you see red.

And you ain't gonna fight it because you
do yellow.

Now, what are you?

What are you, a man or a box of crayons?

May I make a suggestion?

What is it, Grady? I think he needs some
legal advice.

And I have a friend who's a lawyer. Why
don't I call him? A lawyer? Yeah. That's

a good idea.

Why don't you speak up before?

Well, that's what I was trying to...
Well, call him on the phone, Brady.

Fred, I was going to... Just call him on
the phone, Brady. Okay.

Look here, son, let's clean this mess up
here. Come over here and I'll

coordinate this whole house.

What's the use, man? What's the use in
getting a lawyer? You can give it a try,

can't you? Yeah, besides, what are you
talking about? We can't afford no

I think we can afford this lawyer that
Brady's calling. Right, Brady?

Right.

Hello?

Sonny Cochran's Tailor Shop?

Hello, Sonny?

Yeah, this is Grady.

Yeah, I'm over to Fred Sanford's
Junkyard, and we need some legal advice.

you come over right away?

Yeah, yeah, I'll explain when you get
here, son. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Goodbye. Who was that you called, Grady?
Oh, that was Sonny. You know, he's sort

of a lawyer -tailor. You see, his law
business wasn't working out so

good, so he opened up a tailor shop.

And now he does a little law on the
side, and he gets by fine.

Look, I don't need a tailor or a lawyer,
and I'm not going to court, okay?

Well, listen, son, look, you got to
fight this thing.

Because, see, next time it could be me
get the same ticket. And even worse than

that, it could be Grady.

Well, how could it be worse if he gets
the same ticket? Because Grady don't

no driver's license.

Now, come on, son, what can you lose?

A day's work plus the fine.

Oh, shut up. Don't be negative.

What if you win?

Hey, Pop, you can't win. Man, haven't
you ever heard that old saying, you

fight City Hall?

Oh, yes, you can. I know a guy who did.

See? Who was it, Grady?

Clayton Foley. You remember Clayton
Foley. Clayton Foley? Yeah.

Yeah.

Ugly Clayton Foley. Yeah.

Used to work down at the pool hall.

Yeah, real ugly with the big bug eyes.
Yeah, that's Clayton. Yeah, you see, he

had a goiter in his neck because his...
fibroid wasn't working too good.

And that caused his eyes to bug out.

And that's what got him in trouble, them
bug -out eyes.

You see, Clayton, Clayton was a window
washer.

And he was washing this lady's windows.

And she saw him looking at her with them
bug -out eyes and thought he was a

peeping Tom.

And she had him arrested for being a
dirty old man.

And you say he fought that case and won
it? He sure did.

He went to the doctor and got a
certificate saying that he had a goiter.

He walked three miles in the rain, gave
it to the judge, and the judge found him

innocent. Two weeks later, Clayton died
of pneumonia.

Well, he died knowing that he was a
clean old man with a goiter.

See that, son? If ugly Clayton can do
it, so can you.

Yeah, but he died doing it, remember?

Well, you can't fight City Hall without
making a few sacrifices.

Oh, that must be Sonny. I'll get the
door. Yeah, you get it, Grady. Right,

I'll get it.

Hey, Sonny. How you doing?

Come right over here.

Yes, Fred, this is Sonny Cochran. Sonny,
this is Fred Everett. And that's

Lamar. Yeah, that's Lamar. Sonny, have a
little sit -down.

Yeah, have a sit -down. Sonny, have a
little sit -down.

Say,

Sonny, are you a lawyer?

That depends on who you ask.

If you ask me, I'm a lawyer.

Well, who says you're not a lawyer? The
state of California.

But Sonny knows more law than most
judges. Go ahead, ask him anything,

Well, look here, Sonny. Now, Lamont here
got a traffic ticket, and he's

innocent. Now, what should you do about
it? Well, two viable options immediately

suggest themselves.

He can either pay the fine or fight it.

Did you hear that, Frank?

Man,

that was legal talk.

Look, look, look.

I'm going to pay the fine just like I
did the last two and just skip all the

hassle. You have two prior tickets?

Yeah. Within the past year?

Yeah.

If you have two prior tickets within the
past year, do you know what this means?

What? This means that this is your third
ticket.

What I mean is... I told you he was
crazy.

Under California law... you're only
allowed four tickets in one year.

And if this one goes on your record as
the third one, you're only one away from

the big one.

The big one?

What happens when you get the big one?

A judge can revoke your license and no
more driving.

Then that means there goes the truck,
there goes the business, there goes

Sanford, there goes son.

Won't be nothing left but Ann.

Son, I think you ought to fight it.

You may not have a choice.

Well, listen, what are the chances of
fighting this case?

Well, that depends on your line of
defense.

But first, we have to ascertain the
facts.

Well, tell me, what happened?

Well, see, I had the green light, and
there was this guy that came up from my

right side, and he was just about to run
the red light, but he stopped all of a

sudden. So to keep from hitting him, I
had to go around him and run through the

light. But you were supposed to stop and
yield.

He was supposed to stop and yield, Fred.

You were supposed to stop and yield,
dummy.

I know that, but there was a guy
directly behind me, and if I had stopped

a sudden, I could have got rammed in the
rear.

Yeah, and that would be dangerous. You
can get whiplash and a rammed rear.

Did you tell this to the officer? Yeah,
I told him, but he said the guy behind

me had enough room to stop.

Uh -huh.

We may have a good defense after all.

The facts establish two immediate
hazards.

One in front and one in the back.

And a dummy in the middle.

It may no longer be... Lamont's word
against the policeman's word, but

judgment against the policeman's
judgment.

Your best defense is to take the stand
and tell the simple truth.

And here's what you do. Watch this.
Sonny's going to show them how to do it

court. Yeah, watch this, Lamont. Yeah,
watch this.

Is everybody watching?

Yeah, we watching. Go ahead, Sonny.

You get up in front of the judge and you
say, Your Honor.

My story is quite simple.

I saw a car pull in front of me, which
constituted an immediate habit.

And even though I had the green light, I
was intending to yield the right of

way, just as the law says, because I was
always taught to obey the law.

I'm not finished.

Sorry. But just then, I looked into my
rearview mirror.

and I saw a car coming up fast behind
me.

Now what was I to do?

Break the law and avoid an accident?

Or obey the law and see the blood of my
fellow man spilled on the streets of our

beautiful city?

I made my decision and I accept full
responsibility and throw myself on the

mercy of the court and place my faith in
the hands of your honor.

Now. Hey,

sonny, that was just beautiful.

That was beautiful.

You know, you should be a lawyer or have
your own TV series in a wheelchair.

Thank you.

Hey, listen.

Now, how much do we owe you for this
valuable legal advice?

Well, I never charge my friends, but
what you can do is let me make you a

Now, one of my $49 specials. Good.

Well, make me a suit with two pair of
pants and a vest and throw in a pair of

white socks.

It's a deal. You got it.

Good luck, Lamont. And don't forget,
throw yourself on the mercy of the

I tell you, he was a winner.

sat with you because I'm having a little
trouble with my zipper.

How about that, son?

You got all that valuable information
that you can use in court for nothing.

Because I ain't going to pay no $49 for
no suit.

Do you actually think I'm going to get
up there in the courtroom and do a thing

like he just did? Why not?

Because he's a tailor. He ain't no
lawyer.

Take a chance. I mean, best you can do.
I mean, you can't let people take

advantage of you.

Yeah, but what if I lose?

You're not gonna lose. Yeah, but what if
I do? I could go to jail.

Listen, don't even think like that.
Yeah, but that's the chance I'm taking,

Now, if I go to jail, then where will
you be?

Where will I be?

I'll be outside the jail with a big sign
saying, Free Lamont Fenton!

Free Lamont Fenton!

Free Lamont Fenton!

All rise. This court is now in session.
Judge James Cleaver presiding.

Say, why we gotta stand up for judges?

Read the back. Now, be quiet.

I don't mind getting up for a woman, but
a judge?

You don't think judges might be... Would
you

stop that?

Well, they wear them long black skirts.

And in England, the judges wear powdered
wigs.

And they don't even have offices. They
have chambers.

No, no, be quiet.

Well, any time a guy has a chamber and
wear a long black skirt like that and

will put on a powdered wig...

I just happen to think he might be.

Look at the judge.

It's a brother.

Son, we got it made.

Call the first case.

Juan Diego Lopez.

He's a Mexican.

No kidding.

You swear to tell the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth, so

you God?

I bet you got a speeding ticket.

See, because when Mexicans get their car
started, they have to drive real fast

so they can get where they're going
before the car stalls.

Mr.

Lopez, you were cited for causing a
traffic jam on the fast lane of the

Hollywood Freeway.

I was driving in the fast lane, see?

But I was going as fast as I could.

But it says on the traffic ticket you're
only going 35 miles an hour.

But that's as fast as my car can go.

And in that case, you should have been
in the fast lane.

You should have been driving in the slow
lane, as the law requires.

I didn't know that.

What did you

say? I didn't know that.

Well, ignorance of the law is no excuse.

I have no alternative but to find you
guilty.

See, that's what was wrong.

He let the judge know he was ignorant.

Now, whatever you do, don't let the
judge know how ignorant you are.

I fine you $25.

Pay the cashier on your way out.

Thank you.

What did you say? I didn't know that.

This is the right courtroom.

They gotta be here somewhere.

When the judge sees you got a lot of
friends, it'd be good for character

witnesses.

Hey, Bower.

I'm glad you're talking to me.

Lamont Sanford.

Either they leave or I'm leaving because
I'm not going to stand here and be

embarrassed. Hey, call your name.

He's going up there, son. Go ahead.

Hey, hey, hey, listen.

You're charged with violation section
21803 of the vehicle code.

Failing to yield the right of way.

How do you plead? No, I'm not guilty.

Is the arresting officer present?

Yes, your honor.

Please take the stand.

Hey, Fred.

Huh? Two to one, he's finally guilty.

Put your money where your mouth is.

I got two bucks, he's guilty.

All right.

How about you, Brady, you want some?

I'll put 50 cents on it.

I'll take 50 cents.

Let me have part of it. I'll give each
one of you a quarter.

Where's your two dollars, Fred?

No, one dollar is two to one, ain't it?

Okay, all bets is.

The defendant will take the stand.

You swear to tell the truth, the whole
truth, or nothing but the truth to help

you, God? I do. Be seated.

Will you tell the court what happened?

Well, Your Honor, I realize now that the
legal thing to do would have been to

yield the right -of -way, but sometimes
just being legal isn't all there is to

it. See, all I was doing was trying to
avoid an accident.

But it turns out that that was the right
thing to do, but not the legal thing to

do. Hey, he looked good.

Do I still have to give two to one?

No, I'll bet you another dollar, even
money.

Okay. Officer, what was the condition of
the other car?

He had plenty of time to stop.

Oh, I object, Your Honor. May I ask the
arresting officer a very important

question?

Mr. Sanford, I would think that whatever
question you had would be better asked

by your counsel.

Are you represented by counsel?

Well, see, when I came up here, I
figured that... Pardon me, Judge.

Did you say that that question could be
better answered by his counsel?

That is correct.

Who are you?

I'm his counsel.

Order in the court.

You say you're the counsel for the
defendant?

I've been counseling all his life.

to ask this officer a question.

Very well. Proceed.

Now, here's the question.

What have you got against black drivers?

I will not tolerate these outbursts.

And you will restrict your inquiry to
the matter before the court.

Well, that's what... That's what's wrong
with the court, Judge.

A black man ain't got a chance down
here.

I'm black.

Well, you're the judge. That don't
count.

Listen, why don't you arrest some white
drivers?

I do.

You do?

I suggest you write to your congressman
or the newspapers to express your views.

Well, listen, Judge, a courtroom is
where you come to get justice in, and

what I'm looking for, is justice.

And I demand justice!

Order!

Order in this courtroom!

Now, another demonstration like that,
and I'll clear the courtroom.

You two, stand before the bench.

I've taken into consideration the
testimony in this case and have reached

decision. It seems to me that you're a
pretty conscientious young man.

And taking into consideration the two
hazards confronting you, you acted with

reasonable judgment.

Now, in view of all this, I find you not
guilty and order this case dismissed.

And, Judge, if I hadn't spoke up for our
rights like I did, you'd have found

them guilty, wouldn't you?

Wouldn't you, Judge, right?

Wrong. Huh?

Because I've also come to a decision
about you.

Who, me? Yes, you.

Due to your repeated outbursts and
disruptions, I have no choice but to

in contempt of this court.

Judge, I don't have no contempt for this
court. I did, but I don't now.

You're fined a sum of $25.

Pay on your way out.

$25? Listen, brother, you get... And if
you utter one more... Your word, the

fine will be increased by another $25.

Next game.

That's some justice.

You get a ticket and I wind up paying
the fine.

I'm gonna get me a coming -back -from
-court drink. Yeah, well, it's your own

fault, Pop.

My fault?

That's right. If you hadn't invited
those guys down there and started

the court, it never would have happened.

Look, I wouldn't even have been in that
courtroom if you hadn't decided to fight

your ticket.

If I hadn't decided to fight the ticket,
you were the one that said I should

fight it. I wanted to pay it, remember?

You did? Well, then since you was gonna
pay it, then give me my 25 bucks back,

and we'll be even again.

Why should I give you $25? Because
things would be just like they were

you changed your mind. And I'd have my
$25 back.

Yeah, and I'd be out of $25.

Well, okay, since I talked you into it,
we'll split the difference.

Give me $12 .50.

No. Uh, what about $6 .25?

No. Well, wait a minute. What's half of
$6 .25?

Forget it.

Forget it?

I'm never going to be your counselor
again.

Next time you get in trouble, get you a
white lawyer and get you some time in

jail.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape for
a live studio audience.