Original subtitles

I'll see you later, Pop.

Okay, son.

Be careful, yeah?

Hiya, Fred.

Brady. Yeah, I just ran into, uh... Lamont. Yeah, sit there, Fred. I got

something to tell you. Well, come on in the house and tell me. All right.

What you looking for? Look like the police are chasing you or something.

No, the police ain't chasing me, Fred, but I just heard something that kind of

stripped me up.

Say, let me have a drink, please.

Okay.

You want to try what I invented?

It's a mixture of ripple and cream. I call it cripple.

See, you see, after you drink a few of them, you walk with a limp.

Yeah, man, no thanks, Fred. I just take some straight ripples. Okay, straight

ripples. I call that stripple.

There you go.

Hey, Greg, you're making me nervous now. What's bothering you?

It's not a what, Fred. It's a who.

Well, sit down and tell me what it is.

Well, I promised I wouldn't say anything because he wanted to surprise you.

He who?

It's someone from back home in St. Louis.

Do you remember Mrs.

Matlock's oldest son, Grip?

Big money Grip?

He used to be one of my best friends.

During depression, we sold blood.

Ours.

Well, he just moved into town the week before last.

He did?

Gee whiz. You know, there's never a dull moment when old Grip's around.

Well, what I came to tell you, Fred, is...

Now, maybe I better have another shot of this triple.

I mean, cripple or some ripple.

Put the bottle down, Grady. Now, calm down.

Now, tell me what's bothering you.

Rip said that he moved here to be near his son.

Oh, really? I didn't know Rip had a son.

Well, it's none of my business, Fred.

But I got to tell you who Rip's son is.

No, I can't do it.

It's, uh... What's your son's name?

Lamont. Yeah, that's it.

Oh, he named his son after my son.

Now, that's true friendship.

Well, it's more than that, Fred.

Grif said... I mean, Grif said... Grif

said... No, I can't...

His son, Fred, I swear on a stack of Bibles this high, that's what he said.

Oh, how can Lamont be his son when I'm the dumbest father?

Well, I don't know, Fred, but you know that grip and Elizabeth were pretty

before she married you.

Oh, I know all about that. She told me all about it. There wasn't nothing to

You know what I think? Elizabeth forgot to tell you something.

Grip is just playing one of his practical jokes on you, and he can fool

it. And another thing, see, this has all the earmarks of a Grip special.

Yeah? Well, I don't know, Fred. He seems pretty doggone serious to me.

Serious? Grip?

Are you kidding?

Grip's whole life has been one long joke after the other.

He'd give you hot foots and pass out them exploding cigars and then put some

plastic dog doo -doo on your rug.

Now, remember, you don't know nothing. You don't know nothing because I ain't

told you nothing.

You sure act nutty, Grady. I should call you Nutty Grady.

That's the gripper. I know that knock anyway.

Same old knock.

Have no fear. Big money grip is here.

Big money grip with a swivel here.

Might be fine so I can stay alive.

I know about them Alabama.

I should have known better.

You ain't changing a lick. You're looking good, Frank.

You're looking kind of spliffy yourself there.

Hey, what you got in the bag?

Oh, I brought us some live bacon for our reunion.

Why didn't you just bring some wine?

Yeah, you didn't have to be fancy.

Anything's been all right with us.

Anything? Not for my friends who I ain't seen in almost 20 years.

I got the good stuff.

Cold duck?

Cold duck?

Damn, I ain't had no cold duck since the last time I hit the number.

Sit down, Grip.

Open up the duck, and I'll get this glass for you.

Hey, Grip. This reminds me of the good old days.

We had some good fun back there, didn't we? We sure did.

You remember that time in church when I switched the communion grape juice for

real wine?

Yeah.

future got so carried away you had to be carried away now that was one of my

real classics yeah and you still doing that kind of stuff huh listen uh grady

told me what you told him that you know about coming out here to be with your

son lamont and he fell for it hook line and sinker yeah didn't you didn't you

grady he thought you were serious

it back any longer fred lamont is my son but that's impossible

in order for lamont to be your son that would mean that you and elizabeth says

that's impossible in order for lamont to be your son that would mean that you

and elizabeth would have to let's have another drink you know

that i was elizabeth's first love before you stole away i didn't steal it was

offered to me and i accepted it

I wanted to wait until you got back home, but she didn't.

And besides, how did Lamont be your son when you was away in the Army? Now,

that's a good point, Fred.

You ever heard of a weekend pass?

That's a good point, Grim.

Shut up, Grady.

Let's have another drink.

You just can't walk into a man's house and claim his only son without proof.

You wait a second. I'll show you some proof.

Yeah, wait a second. Fred's going to show you some proof.

I got some pictures here of Lamont when he was a baby. Now, you tell me. He's

got some pictures of Lamont when he was a baby. Then you tell him. See, now

that's a picture of Lamont when he was a baby.

That's Lamont when he was a baby.

See, now, Grady, you remember when Lamont was born. Now, you tell me, who

he look like?

Yeah,

he looks just like you, Griff.

Every time I... Hello?

That's got to be Little Lamont.

Hello?

You don't recognize me, do you? Remember me?

No, I don't think so. See that?

He don't even remember you, Grip. Yeah, he don't remember you, Grip. Sure, he

remembers Grip.

Big Money Grip.

I used to give you money to go to store for me.

I used to let you read my girly magazines.

Remember? Whiz Bank, Smokehouse Monthly. Hey, Big Mo... Holy crap.

Right. Right.

I even taught you a little dance that we used to do together. We stood right

next to each other and did our dance.

Still look like we make a good team, huh, Fred? Yeah, yeah. Good team of

I almost didn't recognize you.

How long have you had the mustache?

Since he was in the seventh grade.

Say, Lamar, I got a present for you out in my car.

Brought it all the way from St.

Louis. Let's go get it. Hey, Grip, you didn't have to bring me no present. I

wanted to do it. All right.

Little, little mind. Big money, Grip.

Hey, kidding, wasn't it, Gritty?

I mean, Grip was kidding, wasn't he?

Well, you know what they say, Fred.

Mama's baby, Papa's maybe.

Shut up, Gritty.

I can't believe it.

Is that true what Grip said about you and him and Lamont?

Huh?

Isn't it Elizabeth?

What's she say, friend?

She say, shut up, Grip.

Yeah, but it's making me uncomfortable.

Okay, then.

I won't bother you. I'll pay you lunch. Thank you.

You fixed me a nice lunch over here. Now, at least you can let me eat it in

peace. Okay, okay.

I won't bother you. Thank you.

You've been staring at me. How come you're acting so weird today?

I'm not acting weird.

I'm acting like a father.

Because I feel fatherly.

Don't you feel sonnerly?

I feel like I'm never going to finish this chicken noodle and tuna all right.

I'll get that. Yeah, why don't you do that?

I mean, like you said, why don't you do that, Pop?

You realize you have to call me Pop all day?

Would you see who that is, Pop?

I sure would appreciate it, Pop.

Thank you very much, Pop.

Now there, there's three Pops. Okay, Pop?

That's fine, son.

I'll see you at the door, son.

I hope it's somebody we want to see, son.

Yeah, that's my son.

No kidding about it. I really do hope it's somebody we want to see. But you

what? Son of a gun.

Yes, sir.

How do you feel?

I feel fine, Fred.

And I ain't got no money to loan you.

If that's why you asked me over here, I might as well go. No, wait a minute.

I ain't ask you over here to borrow no money. If I wanted some money, I'd ask

you over the phone.

Hello there, Ernest. Hello, Lamar.

Hey, Pop, I got to make a few pickups on the truck. I'll be right back. Okay,

son.

Take it easy, son.

And be careful, son.

Bye, son.

Now, why don't you call me over here for a friend?

Sit down, Ernest. Take the load off.

I'd rather kiss an octopus than a mouse.

I wouldn't want

you to kiss me.

I'd rather be kissed by a snag or two.

Kiss your octopus.

Well, listen, neither one of us don't have to worry about nothing like that.

Now, listen here, Esther.

I just want to have a confidential conversation with you about Elizabeth.

My sister Elizabeth?

No, your brother Elizabeth.

Of course your sister and my wife.

Now, Esther, this is just between me and you.

Now, I want to know, did Elizabeth ever...

dilly -dally while we were married.

What's a dilly -dally?

Well, you know what I mean. It's like, did she fool around?

For instance, you ought to be ashamed to even let something like that come out

of your heatedness mouth.

My baby sister was as pure as a driven snow.

Yeah, but who was doing the driving?

Until the day she died, only someone with a foul mind and a foul mouth could

come up with such a foul idea.

Fred Sanford, you foul.

You a foul heathen.

I'm a happy foul heathen.

You bet.

I'm the happiest foul heathen you ever seen. I'm so happy to find all that good

stuff you just told me. I don't know what to do. I appreciate it.

Hey, Chris.

I'm glad you came. I just got some important information from my sister -in

here. Oh, is this lady your sister -in -law?

Uh, this is my sister -in -law. I ain't said nothing about no lady.

Don't pay no attention to this uncivilized heathen.

I'm Esther Anderson.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm Grip Madlock from St. Louis. Remember me?

Big money Grip Madlock.

I don't want it only.

Sure, I remember you.

Be crazy about you.

Well, what brings you to town?

Grip, tell her what you told me yesterday, and then she got something to

you. Now, listen to this, Esther.

Go on, I'm all ears.

No, you're not. You're all mouth, but listen to me.

Well, it's very simple.

Lamont Stanford is my son.

What did you say, nigga?

And your sister Elizabeth... Stop!

There is no peace, says the Lord, unto the wicked.

Get thee behind me, Satan.

But I'm going to get behind you because I'm going to put my foot in your...

You

don't have to do nothing after peace. Now listen, Grip.

And if anybody should know, she should. And she swears that Elizabeth was pure

as the driven snow.

And you're looking at the only driver she ever had.

Don't make no difference what either one of you says.

I know the truth, and that's why I'm here today. To tell Lamont so he can

on who he wants to be with.

Lamont, you gonna tell Lamont a deliberate lie?

It ain't a lie, it's true.

God shall smite... But I can't wait. Fair enough. We both speak the hell out

here right now.

Uh -huh.

What's going on in here?

What's going on in here?

Ain't nothing going on, son.

Grip here was just leaving. Not until I tell Lamont what I have to tell him. You

don't want to hear this, Lamont.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hear what?

I'll tell you, son. Now, come on over here. I'll tell you what it's all about.

Sit down right there.

Now, here it is.

Grip said it.

He's your father.

Your real father.

What?

Don't listen to any more of mine.

Honest, I've asked you not to do that.

What did you say?

I said that Grip said that he's your real father.

Grip? Yeah, me and all the others say it's a lie.

But I'm the only one that knows, and I say it's not a lie.

Grip says he's my real father?

Wow, this is heavy.

why I'm here, Lamar.

So that you can decide on who you want to be with.

Your real father or him.

You mean you want me to choose between you and you?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Excuse me a minute, Greg. Come over here and sit down, Papa.

Sit down, please.

I don't care nothing about this business or this house. You know?

No.

But what I do care about is you, Pop.

Because you're my Pop, man, and I love you.

Now, Grip, if you are my father, that was between you and my mother. I ain't

have nothing to do with that.

But hey, man, this is my father. The only Pop I've ever known.

Now, all my life it's been Sanford and Son, and as far as I'm concerned, that's

the way it's going to always be.

Well, Griffin, I guess your little business is over now, and you're welcome

say goodbye.

So long, and adios, and I really did it.

I'm sure you can get the hell out of here.

Thomas will stop telling that wicked lie about my sister. What do I have to do

to prove it's true?

Tell you the time, the place, and everything?

Just tell the truth, sucker.

For the truth shall make you free. That's junk.

Yeah, don't tell no lie, because the lie can find you dead. That's right.

Okay.

You lived at 3207 Enright in St. Louis, right?

That's right.

Okay.

I came around one evening while everyone was asleep and sneaked in her room.

That's a lie. Oh, wait a minute, Fred. Wait a minute.

No, no, I'll take care of it. I'll handle it. I'll handle it. We'll soon

out.

Which one was Elizabeth's room, chump? It was the room off the kitchen.

See how he lied?

The room off the kitchen was my room.

Now the truth now, because you know the truth shall make you free.

Because then you say, how much I meant to you.

And it's going to be happening, son, forever.

Hey, a minute, Pop.

You know what? I feel like celebrating.

Why don't we run upstairs and get cleaned up and go out and have dinner?

treat. You serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

You know what, son?

What, Pop?

I like you.

You're a good kid.

Hey, it's hereditary.

Come on, let's go.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.