All language subtitles for sanford_son_s03e09_the_blind_mellow_jelly_collection

Oh, shake that thing.

You shake that thing.

Oh, shake that thing.

Shake that thing.

Shake that.

What are you doing?

Pop, when I left here this morning, you
promised me that you'd get that closet

cleaned up. You didn't do it, did you?
No, I didn't. Then I come home and find

you here listening to these dumb records
and shaking your thing.

If you want to shake something, go on up
to that closet and shake out some of

that junk in there.

We promised, you know, we both agreed
that we was in the business to sell

Pop, not save it. I told you this
morning to get the...

There's no place to put anything in
there. Why don't you do what I asked

Pop? I'll start you, son.

I mean, really, I did.

Let me tell you something.

See, I had to play these records here
because they brought back memories.

I mean, real street memories.

You know, St.

Louis, 1933.

Club Riviera.

Prohibition has just been repealed.

And me and your mama was toasting each
other.

We had some 3 .2 beer and some wine.

See, you take that beer and mix it with
the wine and call it top and bottom.

Yeah, you drink a quart of that, you
wouldn't know you're top and your

So instead of cleaning out the closet
like you were supposed to, you took a

down memory lane, huh? Well, you should
have seen this.

Me and your mama, we're a good -looking
couple.

We could dance. We were not stepping
every night.

You know what they call us? Ready Freddy
and Busy Lizzy.

Let me show you a little demonstration.

I'm telling you, they had to have
something new.

So,

somebody started chucking.

Hey, come on, Pop. You were supposed to
get that closet cleaned out and you're

still going to do it. And the first
thing to go is going to be these junkie

records. Ain't no junkie records.

That's Blind Mellow Jelly.

Blind Mellow Jelly was the best.

in the whole Thai world on Earth.

Well, that's the best news I heard since
I walked through the door.

Because if there's only one like him and
I get rid of him, that'll be the end of

it. Wait a minute. And I might add, the
world will be a better place in which to

live. Give me them Blind Mellow Jelly
records.

Where you going? Give me that box of
records.

Don't you know that Blind Mellow Jelly
was the best blues singer that ever

on Earth in the heaven -filled world?

Never heard of him.

You never heard of nothing.

That's what's wrong with you young kids
today.

You know nothing, never heard of
nothing. Somebody will tell you, you

want to listen to it. But if you listen
to somebody, they will tell you.

What are you doing?

Listen, I'm trying to tell you something
that makes sense to you, can help you.

You don't know nothing about the good
singers and the good songs like Shimmy

Shewop and another song called Wang Wang
Blues.

And it must be jelly, because jam don't
shake like that.

I mean, good song.

Pop, I just put that bop on the truck.

Yeah, but that hot sun will melt these
old seven -eighths. Listen, come over

here and sit down. Let me tell you
something.

See, a lot of things you don't know.

I bet you there ain't four people in the
world that got some blind mellow jelly

records.

I guess the next thing you'll be telling
me is that they're collector's items.

That's what I'm going to tell you. I
wouldn't part with these records.

for nothing in the world. If my life
depended on it, I would not part with

records.

If they're collector's items, they could
be worth a lot of money.

I'll part with them.

Yeah, I can see these records really
mean a lot to you, don't they? They do,

son. I mean, they mean so much to me.

But if you want me to sell them, I'll
get rid of them.

But I don't want to get rid of them
because I like them. And if you like

you're not supposed to get rid of them.

But I'll part with them if you want me
to.

I don't want to part with him. All
right.

Now, look, I think I got an idea. Come
over here and sit down. I don't want to

part with him, but I'll part with him if
you want me to part with him. But I

don't want to.

Now, look, I think I know how we can get
rid of these records and keep them at

the same time and make money besides.

Now, you know how we do that?

Yeah, we sell them to somebody, then
steal them back.

No. Now, this is what rich people do.
See, I was reading about it just the

day in the financial section of the Los
Angeles Sentinel.

You know Gertrude Gibson's column, Wall
Street Today?

Read it every morning.

Well, see, this is what rich people do.
See, they take things like paintings and

books and stuff, and they donate them to
a museum or a university library, and

they become a valuable tax deduction.

See, they take it off their taxes. You
see what I mean? Yeah.

You want me to cheat on my taxes like
rich people do?

No, Pop, it's not cheating.

Contributions are legal. See, you list
all of the stuff that you give away, and

it becomes a valuable tax deduction.
Now, that's what you do with collector's

items. You mean like lime, melon, jelly?
Well, if these records are as rare as

you say they are, they could be worth a
big deduction to us.

Well, listen, say I give them away and
get my deduction, how do I get them

Well, you don't exactly get them back.

Well, I don't exactly give them up.

See? You said that I could get them
back. Well, you will, Pop. It's just

see, you donate them to a museum or a
university library, and they keep them

you. And any time you want to go listen
to them, you can.

Now, listen, son.

Any time that you give away something
and get some money for it, and then you

still got them, I'm suspicious of
something like that.

Really. I had an uncle, Uncle Cluck.

Cluck Sanford.

That's all your father's side of the
family.

He did the same thing with his dog. He
kept selling his dog to people, and the

dog kept coming back home.

Would you stop worrying, Pop? I know
about these things. Will you trust me?

Yeah, I'll trust you. Like Golda Meir
trusts King Hussein.

At night.

In the desert.

In a tent.

During the mating season.

You're welcome.

Thank you very much.

Well, good afternoon, gentlemen. What do
we have here?

What do you mean, what do we have here?
It's my son here.

You didn't mean nothing by it, huh?

Tell me something.

Good afternoon. Are you the man I spoke
to on the phone about the Blind Mellow

Jelly record collection?

Oh, yes, you must be Mr... Stanford.

Yeah, that's S -A -N -F -O -R -D,
period.

Say, listen, are you the librarian here?

Oh, yes, I am.

Really? When I was a kid, librarians
were always women.

Oh, not always.

Well, when I was a kid, they were always
women.

Well, librarian, when I was a kid,
librarian was supposed to be women.

Unless this guy is.

This is quite a collection, isn't it?
Yes, it's an authentic assortment of

music, and we'd like to donate it to the
university library.

Oh, splendid.

Wherever did you find these records?

In a closet.

We've had them for some years in the
Sanford Family Archives.

Isn't it?

Where did you say we had them?

Is that anything like a closet?

Go right ahead and examine him, Mr.

Archibald.

Archibald.

You can say that again.

Now, look, just be quiet and let me
handle this. Now, the man is going to

this is a bunch of junk and he ain't
going to accept it. Now, just don't say

nothing. I have to say something. You
got them things on you and I said, what?

Personally, I think you're a fruitcake.

You can't hear this one.

You're a ugly, ball -head fruitcake.

Marvelous.

And you wish to donate this entire
collection to us. Yes, we wish to do

Isn't that what we wish?

Well, this is very generous.

This is certainly going to be a welcome
addition to our jazz library.

How can we possibly ever thank you?
Well, you see, our tax consultant has

requested that we obtain an estimate of
the collection's value, you know, for

tax purposes.

Oh, I see. You wish to claim this
donation as a tax deduction.

Now you got it.

Well, now, let me see. I think it would
be safe to say that you have just

donated a contribution.

Valued at $500.

You mean these records worth $500?
Right. And thank you, Mr. Sanford. On

of the library, thank you very much.

You see that dummy? You just gave away
$500.

I want my records back.

breakfast ready?

Yeah, dummy.

One breakfast for one dummy coming up.

Get out, dummy. Are you going to start
that again?

Yeah, I'm going to start that again.

Talk me into giving away $500 worth of
blind Mellow Jelly records.

Look, I already told you, man. We still
get the deduction money.

I don't want no deduction money. I want
some folding money.

Would you knock it off? Now, we donated
those records and it would take a

miracle to get them back.

Well, what if I told him that Blind
Mellow Jelly showed up and wants his

back?

Blind Mellow Jelly is dead.

That's the miracle.

I'm going down to the dining and get
some coffee. Look here, son. Wait a

Don't leave. Now, you know good and
well, see, they don't even know what

Mellow Jelly looked like. Pop, you told
me yourself Blind Mellow Jelly's been

dead for over 30 years. Now, they know
that.

Yeah, ain't no doubt about it.

Blind Mellow Jelly's dead, all right.

Hi.

But it's sunny.

Pop, what are you thinking?

Come here, Bubba. Why don't you do me a
favor? Don't do it, Bubba. Pop, what do

you got on your mind? Never mind. Don't
tell me. I don't even want to know.

Me neither.

There's nothing illegal, immoral, or
fattening.

It can't be much fun either.

I'll see you later, Fred. Wait a minute,
Bubba. Wait a minute. Now, Lamar, you

said if I got the records back, you'd
help me sell it.

Pop, there is no way that you're going
to get those records back. But if I do

get them back, will you help me sell
them? What are you and Bubba going to

stick up the place?

Now, I know I don't want no part of
this.

Wait a minute, Bubba. Wait a minute,
Bubba. Come on, let me talk to you,

Come over here and sit down.

Don't sit down there, Bubba.

Go over there and sit in my chair where
it's nice and soft and comfortable.

Now, look, Bubba, here's what I want you
to do.

Fred, I feel awful stupid.

Good. Just keep acting natural.

Well, why do I have to wear these
glasses?

You'll see. Come on.

Hey, anybody here?

Who are you shushing? Just keep on
reading that stuff.

Hey! Hello there, Mr. Archibald.

Say, you remember me?

Oh, yes. You were here yesterday.

The Blind Mellow Jelly Collection.

Mr., uh... Uh, Sanford. Uh, Sanford,
sir.

What can I do for you?

Well, I know how you people hate to give
back donations, but what if Blind

Mellow Jelly showed up and asked for his
records back? Could he get them? But

Blind Mellow Jelly is dead.

But his son ain't.

His son ain't.

I want my daddy's records.

I beg your pardon?

I want my daddy's records.

Yes, yes, all he's been able to say.

since you found out that I gave away his
daddy's records. Are you serious? Is

this really Blind Mellow Jelly's son?

You know, Lead Belly? Oh, yes.

Well, see, Lead Belly, his father, Blind
Mellow Jelly, gave Lead Belly the name

Lead Belly.

And then Lead Belly carried on the
tradition by giving Blind Mellow Jelly's

his nickname.

Not sure I understand.

Well, see, Blind Mellow Jelly Jr.

here is a friend of mine, and he gave me
his daddy's records, and I took them

over to my house because he didn't have
nothing to play them on, so he used to

come over to my house all the time and
play them. Well, you're both free to

here and play them anytime.

Well, that's all right for me, see, but
Blind Mellow Jelly here takes after his

father. This is Blind Mellow Jr.

See, look at them beady eyes.

See, them only two things that his
father gave me and left me on earth is

records and these beady eyes.

I want my daddy's records.

Don't worry, Clyde Miller Jr.

Look here, they can take away your
records if they want to, but one thing

won't be able to take away from you is
them beady eyes.

Well, this is unusual.

Normally, when something is donated, we
don't return it.

But under the circumstances, I suppose
there's nothing else to do.

I sure want to thank you very much, and
God bless you. Yes.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll go get
the records.

I want my daddy's records.

You don't have to say that no more. We
got them. It's cool.

Did I say it right, Fred?

Oh, listen, you were good, Lead Belly. I
mean, Pot Belly. I mean, you were good,

Bubba.

What's wrong with y 'all? Why don't you
interfere with us?

Shake that thing.

It ain't happening if you shake that
thing.

Shake that thing.

Pop, you got the records back.

Yeah, I got them back. I told you I
would. You didn't believe me. You

did. How'd you do it?

I'll show you.

Hit it, Bubba. I want my daddy's
records.

Sit down and relax.

See, Bubba went down there, and he
pretended that he was a blind, mellow,

junior. And the guy just had to give him
back. That's pretty good, huh?

I don't know, Pop. It just don't seem
right. Of course it's right.

These are my records, and I'm smart
enough to get them back.

They should send me to Washington. If
I'm smart enough to get these records,

smart enough to get those tapes.

Well, I don't care if you like it or
not.

I got me $500 with the blind Mellow
Jelly record. I love it.

I guess the next thing is that you're
going to sell them.

No, I'm going to give them to the
Goodwill.

Of course I'm going to sell them, dummy.

Here, look in here and find one of them
places that buy collector's records. You

know what I mean?

Let your fingers walk through the yellow
paper.

I don't understand. you, Pop. I thought
blind mellow jelly was part of your

memory, and you couldn't bear to part
with your memories. I can part with $500

worth of them.

I mean, I don't have to have total
magnesium.

I mean, amnesia.

I see your fingers. Stop walking, man.
What you got?

DNC Records, specializing in collector's
items.

We pay cash.

Get him on the phone. That's where we're
going. Let's go.

I want my daddy's record.

What are you doing, Bub?

I'm practicing in case you want to get
them back from this place, too.

Uh, hello.

This is Mr. Sanford of Sanford & Son
Collectors.

Uh, I have in my possession an authentic
collection of Blind Mellow Jelly 78

originals recently authenticated by the
University Department of

Ethnomusicology.

Uh, I noticed that you're adding... How
much?

I noticed that your ad in the paper said
that you, uh, pay cash. You ain't

noticed nothing. I noticed that. Just
ask the man how much, dummy. Uh, excuse

one moment. My staff is preparing a
delivery and they're rather noisy. One

moment, please.

Hey, man, would you be quiet so I can
hear the man?

Just ask him how much money.

I'm awfully sorry.

Now, how much?

If they're in good condition, anywhere
from five to ten dollars apiece? Well,

thank you.

We'll take it.

We'll take it.

We'll take it.

Uh, we'll... Excuse me.

We'll bring them right over. Hold on, I
want to get the address.

Ten, that's five, ten dollars.

That'll be over five hundred dollars.

Because I got a lot of them. Yeah, well,
listen, listen, listen. You and Bubba

load the records on the truck, and I'll
get the directions.

Hey, Bubba, did you hear that?

Five, ten dollars a piece.

I'll clean up. I'll make a fortune with
these records.

Pick them records up, Bubba.

Wait a minute, Bubba.

Hold these two.

See, I go around and get something soft
to rep them records in. You see, because

I shouldn't be living in boxes of
records, you know, on the count of my

arthritis.

Yeah, okay.

Now, after I get off the Harbor Freeway,
I go where?

This Lawson Cut -Off.

Hey, Bubba.

Better come on back in.

Lamar's getting the direction.

I feel so good.

I feel like celebrating.

I'll drink to that, Fred.

Yeah, you drink to anything.

Hey, Bubba, who should we drink to?

Everybody. Yeah, I told you that. Look
here, I'll tell you what. We'll drink to

blind mellow jelly and pot belly.

Yeah.

Jelly and belly.

Who we drink to now?

We'll drink to your daddy's records.

Yeah. I'm on my daddy's record.

Hey, how about a shot for Lamar?

He's driving.

You let him drive and leave the drinking
to us.

Hey, look here, Pop. Come on, man. We
have to go.

Okay, we're coming right on now, son.

Hey, we're drinking now to Thomas
Edison.

Why him?

He invented records.

Oh, to Thomas Jefferson.

Yes, and him too.

You guys coming one and a half off,
Dave?

We're coming right on out.

Listen, Bubba, you think we ought to
take the bottle with us just in case,

know, we can find something on the
freeway to toast to. Yeah, good idea,

We're coming now.

Come on.

Now what? I forgot to wrap my Blind
Melody Jammer records up in the blanket.

Oh, that's okay, Fred.

I forgot to put the records on the
truck.

You're a big, big dummy there. I'm not
kidding. You're a big dummy. I have to

everything myself around here.

Oh,

shake that thing.

Shake that thing.

Shake that thing.

Pop,

you were supposed to get that closet
cleaned out again today.

What are you listening to anyway? I
thought all these records got broken

yesterday. They did. All of this that
was on the record player.

Do you think that guy would give you ten
bucks for this?

You mean to tell me you'd sell the only
blind, mellow, jelly record on the West

Coast? What about your memories?

Well, I've been listening to it all
morning.

So I got it pretty well memorized.

Hello, Lamont. Hey, Bubba. Hello, Fred.

Fred, you still mad at me?

No, I ain't mad at you. Well, can I come
in?

Come on in, Bubba.

It wasn't a total loss.

What do you mean, Fred?

Well, I had one more record left on the
machine, and Lamont and I are going to

try to sell it. No kidding.

Yeah. Wait a minute, Bubba.

What's the matter? What did I do?

It's what you were about to do. You were
about to sit on the last blind metal

jelly record in the world on Earth
today.

Oh, I'm sure glad I didn't do that,
Fred.

Yeah, me too, because if you had, your
name would have been Mud.

Sit down, Bubba.

Listen, now, right before that...

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape
before a live studio audience.