Original subtitles

Now that it is happening, I need to know your story with Farrah. Farrah and I

have been friends since second grade. Nothing's happened between us.

Stacy, you look so different.

You know, I got my nose done. You look cute as a little button.

And so natural. I forgot what your old one looks like. Farrah? Oh, right. I had

a little bump right here.

Why do you hate Stacy, Moorhead? I have my reasons.

Are you dead?

Oh, my God.

My dad's making out with Stacey Moore, his mom.

So, our real water goes here on the left. Our loaded stuff, here on the

Would you like a flavored water? I can have my volunteer here grab you one.

Is that what I think it was? Told you she wouldn't be easy.

What are you going to do about it? I guess give her a cut.

It's sad when you think about it. All these people actually believe that these

friendships are going to last forever.

They won't.

Some have a term limit that expires when the friends go to college.

But most of these friendships won't even last that long.

Some fizzle out after a bunch of little cuts, while others die from one big gap.

That's why betrayal hurts so much. It can't come from an enemy.

It can only come from a friend.

But despite all the drama, there's always that one friend who'll have your

no matter what.

You weren't waiting for me having a rough morning.

Try gross morning.

Pretty sure my parents had morning steps.

In the shower.

Before I used it.

Where's Blaine? I'm doing all kinds of everything but.

624 in progress.

Vehicular dry humping.

I'm going to check this out for a potential blue ball situation.

Wait,

what's happening?

You're on your red.

Well, what's taking?

It looks like hooked laptop.

What?

What did the cop say?

Gummies.

Candy? Weed. Gummies. How many did he have?

Only like five or six.

That's still possession. What does that mean?

It means he's fucked.

An arrest for

possession is huge.

What college is going to take him now?

Did the cop give a reason as to why he came up to the car in the first place?

What? I mean, it just doesn't make any sense.

A cop comes up to a legally parked car and decides he needs to look in the

trunk? Clayton's boyfriend just got arrested. Can you make me cool it with

Olivia Pope imitation?

Sorry.

It's gonna be okay, Jane.

Why did the cop check the trunk? I mean, he went there immediately.

He had to know something was back there already.

You think somebody narked on him?

Can you think of someone with a good reason to take Hook down?

Don't. Farrah?

What's up?

I just wanted to let you know that I had nothing to do with what happened in the

parking lot today.

I don't recall saying that you did.

I know, but I've been watching you, and I know how you think.

Just because you're biting off my style and chatting at the Janes doesn't mean

you know how I think. This isn't exactly your style.

It's a little derivative, don't you think?

Okay, aren't all styles a little derivative at this point? I'm sorry, why

you here?

Let's just go, Farrah. I have nothing to gain from getting Hook arrested.

Oh, nothing? You already made a play at his share of the snack bar business.

Seems like with him gone, you could have the whole till.

This isn't corporate America, Farrah.

It's high school.

This is a lot to handle before 8.

I'm going to be late for homeroom.

3, 2, 1.

Are you sure this is my mom? I mean, she's not really on the screen.

I saw a lot more than what's on the video.

So, what do we do?

I honestly have no clue.

Look, I have to tell my mom.

I think that you should tell your dad.

I can't be the ones to tell them.

I mean, it's one thing to get caught cheating by your spouse, but it's so

worse if the shitstorm is created by your own kids. I know.

But I can't sleep in my house with my dad at night knowing that he's doing

mom during the day.

Where does that leave us?

It leaves me muting the audio and sending it to my mom anonymously. That

can stay innocent in all this.

Everything's going to change.

Look, you can tell your dad any way you want.

Whatever makes it go down easier for you.

So good.

Yeah, but at least we're in this together.

Okay, I'll tell him.

What the hell, coward?

I swear, the FBI will be here tomorrow.

No, the DEA.

Either way, I'm freaking out.

Pustified the kegs when my parents went to Europe.

I bought stuff from him a lot.

I know, I'm definitely in that laptop. Man, I need hook scummies. I can't even

walk after football games.

Yeah, it's not like a doc is going to give a 16 -year -old a weed script.

Man. This sucks.

Yeah. With hook gone and a narc around here, the party at Roe High is dead.

Since when do you shower after gym?

Since my parents sullied mine.

That's a little over the top.

Is it?

There's a metal bar in the bathroom that the shampoo and stuff rest on, and now

all I can picture is my mom just gripping it tightly.

Hook's home.

They just kept him for a couple of hours, and then they released him to his

parents and their lawyer.

Was it possession or selling?

Just possession, thank God.

That's great news. Then it'll probably just be a fine.

Possession is still a huge deal.

Every background check, every employer, every time he wants to rent an

apartment, it stays with him forever. He got arrested.

And expelled, which are two huge blemishes on the college app.

Look, I love Hook, too, and I know he's not Narcos, but he is kind of a drug

dealer. Yeah, which is why I can't go two steps without some jackass asking me

if their name is on his laptop.

I mean, can you blame them?

Anyone who bought anything from him should have been shitting egg rolls.

Actually, they still should be.

They kept his laptop.

Why would they keep his laptop?

I don't know.

Look, the school's freaking out that we have a narc. So I made a list of all the

new students in school and other narc -ish suspects.

We can split it up and weed them out.

Weed. Clever.

Seems like a plan.

Nice narc post.

Way to cause mass hysteria. And now, a witch hunt.

What is that smell?

It's an everything bagel. No, not that.

Aw, so cute.

A new scent to woo Hannah.

Is it store -bought or did you order it off one of those porn pheromone ads?

Did you come here to bust my balls or talk about the narc situation?

There is no narc situation.

At least not in a Jump Street Channing Tatum pretending to be a teen kind of

way. Something else.

It's always something else.

Why would a narc go after a kid with a few gummies in his trunk?

What do you want me to do?

Post something shiny and diversionary that will shift everyone's attention

from the gnar? No, it's too late. The perception's already out there. You

unring that bell.

First you told me to post what I want, and now you're pissed at me for doing

Fine! Post some dumb shit about Sloane Davis' yoga pants.

It could help.

And tone down that stench.

My dad wants to kill me, and every friend I have is calling just to...

Find out if their name was on my laptop.

Friend, end quote.

Yeah, I'm done with all of it.

Alcohol, everything.

My life is totally foobar.

Your life is not totally foobar.

It's just temporarily foobar.

We both know that's bullshit.

You brought me a sour apple blow pop when Callie Jackman broke my arm in

grade. You showed up at my house with salted and malted caramel when you found

out my dad left.

I know the kind of person you are.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I just came to see Hook. Why?

Hey, babe.

Um, no reason. It's just, uh, you didn't mention that you were coming over here

at lunch or anything.

I didn't know I was at the time.

How'd you do with your narc list?

I came up empty.

You?

Same.

Well, you have company now.

Better company than me, so I'll let you two get to it.

Do you have any idea why the cops might have kept your laptop?

Don't know.

I mean, they're not going to find anything on it anyway.

You think I'd be stupid enough to put anything important on a school -issued

laptop?

Okay. I'm really going now.

Bye, guys.

Didn't that look in her eyes?

Definitely on Sunday.

Why did the cop keep his laptop and who told them about it?

What, no masturbation joke?

Even your own dick would be turned off by that much body spray.

Okay, what about Hook's laptop?

It was school -issued. So what? So there's no way a cop pulls into a campus

approaches a random student's car, and asks to look inside the trunk without

someone at the school knowing about it. Someone?

You mean my mom.

You're here to manipulate me.

I want to break into her email.

First of all, no.

Because you can't or because you won't? Because I can't and I won't. This is

insane. You don't even have to be here. I mean, you're on the way to the soccer

game to watch your honey play, right?

You have shoes on. You never wear shoes in your self -love dance.

Hannah's not my honey.

I need you to help me.

No distractions.

Plane is at the school right now watching your mom so she can let us know

exactly when she leaves the faculty meeting.

Sarah, I trust you more than anyone, but this is my mother.

Her laptop never has to leave the trailer.

Look, you do this for me, I'll tell you how I found out you're the crotch.

Why is saving a drug dealer so important to you?

Because he's an old friend and I had a part in this.

I cleared the way for him to do what he does.

You didn't make him sell drugs out of the back of his car. I know.

But he's one of my guys.

Just like you are.

You realize if your email hacker comes here, then he's going to know that we...

that we talk.

Yeah, I'll deal with it.

Fine.

Our laptop is yours. But I have to see who it is first.

Okay.

Is this your hacker?

Don't call me a hacker. Just a chick with a pink laptop.

Holy shit.

You want me to break into the principal's email?

Are you sure this won't show that we've... No last login, no digital

not even a fingerprint.

Kind of like a ghost.

I am curious, though, about this little arrangement.

What's in it for you, Cowher? No arrangement here.

Cowher's locker's been next to mine since middle school.

So this is just friends helping friends.

All right.

Yes. Well, it's going to take a while. I'm pretty sure you guys have something

better to do than stare at me.

Actually, we do.

We're going to the girls' soccer game.

We are?

Haven't you been paying attention? I support the girls' teams.

Go. I know what I'm looking for.

Oh, wait. What about Principal Cower?

Plane's tracking her.

The kitchen door is open. Put her laptop on the kitchen table on the orange

placemat when you're done.

Orange placemat. Got it. Bye -bye. Let's go.

Bye.

Hit me up the second she leaves. You got it.

You're on your own. We were just friends a minute ago. Now I can't be seen with

you? You want to walk in with me? Fine.

That won't send mixed signals to Hannah at all.

Goodbye.

I just don't get how everyone lets her push them around like that.

Look, I feel like I've known Farrah the longest other than Hurley, and I know it

sounds crazy, but she's not an awful person.

How could you, of all people, say that? She's horrible to you.

It's fine. I can take it. You guys were best friends, like, last year.

And now she looks at you like she wants to claw your eyes out.

She may not be the most forgiving person.

And, yeah, she walks around like she owns the place, but... I don't know if

she's good to who she's good to.

Makes sense.

God, you stole the vendor.

What did you do?

Complicated.

You selling any special water?

I told you, Farrah, I was not and I'm still not after Hook's business.

Oh. Yet you asked for a cut.

It's just a facility fee.

I never actually sell the stuff myself.

A facility fee.

Okay, Grace.

Farrah, wait.

Yes? Grace, it had nothing to do with the Hook thing.

Uh, it's not enough for her to tell me twice. She had to get you to vouch for

her, too.

Uh, sorry, but you're not exactly the most trustworthy voucher.

Farrah, listen, I don't trust you, and I never will trust you.

You have Farrah at light over there, so why don't you go hang out with her?

Did you have a nice family dinner last night? Because I sure didn't. I know.

sorry. We made a deal to do it together.

I sent my mom the video, and you did nothing on your own. I know we made a

No, you broke a pact.

And now my world is in pieces while your family is totally fine. Listen, my dad

lives for my mom, okay?

So I have to deal with knowing what I know every time I see them together.

But that's something I'm willing to do.

You betrayed me, and that's bullshit.

But it is really insulting that you're trying to get sympathy from me for being

a snake.

It pisses you off so much.

You have the most obvious way to make me and my family as angry as you are. Are

you really asking why I don't send your mother and father the affair video?

God you don't know me at all.

Perfect. Thanks. I'll call you later.

Wait. Do you think whatever you're doing is going to help Huck? I don't know

yet. Are you okay? I gotta go.

One goal, one assist.

I wish I drafted you on my high school girl soccer fancy team.

It's a joke, by the way.

Probably a creepy one at that.

It was creepy, Jason, at worst.

Well, you seem very at home on the field.

Yeah. It's where I feel like my favorite me, if that makes sense.

It does.

Whenever I'm in a place where I feel like I have a purpose, I'm a totally

person who does not tell creepy, adjacent jokes, like, at all.

Um, so... Would you want to hang out sometime with me?

Yeah.

That sounds good.

Great.

The faculty meeting went a little early, so you better hurry.

Almost done.

One last transfer.

I'm going to grab Tower and head out.

Shit, she's here.

All right, I'll meet you at the place.

You're going on a date with Ilo Smith, sir. How'd you finagle that?

Talked about things we have in common. That's what people do.

Like anxiety stuff?

Some. Why?

I mean, you only know about that stuff because of Chadwick's tapes. Kind of

pervy, don't you think?

It's a gray area.

Besides, you're all about leveraging information.

Not to get laid.

So you're above it now. Or are you just that way when it's about me and anyone

other than you?

It's so cute when you think I'm jealous of your love life.

Wait till you see what I got.

Here, check this out.

There's a whole email thread between your mother, Superintendent Moorhead,

someone named Cerberus.

That three -headed dog that protects the gates of hell.

Yes, I know. I took mythology in sixth grade, too.

All right. So this whole back and forth is about them hiring this Cerberus hack

to track down the crotch.

Well, and were they successful?

Did they find the crotch?

Um... Doesn't seem that way.

What does this have to do with Hook?

This is from Cerberus.

Clothing in on the crotch, not there yet. But to prove I'm worth the hire,

here's some others polluting your school.

And then there's a whole bunch of PDFs with students' names on them.

Shit.

All the PDFs contain photo captures of kids doing illegal stuff or cheating or

something bad.

Let me guess. Hook's is the largest of them all.

All photos of him selling.

These photos all look like they were taken inside his garage.

How could they possibly get photos of him inside his garage?

Every photo in these files was taken from laptop TAM POV, the school -issued

one. Servers have been watching us and telling the administration.

It's a huge invasion of privacy. We need to leak this to the garage.

Oh, and your mother got home too fast, so I left her laptop in her trailer.

What?

Bye.

What are you doing here?

She didn't notice. It's fine. That was a close call.

I can't keep doing shit like this.

I was there the day you opened your locker and found the drive -in letter

last year's crotch.

How did you know what it was? It was wrapped in, like, a paper bag.

Because I opened it the day before.

Whoever the crotch was, they asked me first.

And you said no?

It came with a letter that said if I didn't want her responsibility to hide

package behind the C Encyclopedia in the library, so I did.

And I didn't.

It was just a coincidence that I saw you pull out the same package.

You don't believe in coincidence.

Believe me or don't.

This is a scandal. My mom could lose her job if we exposed this.

I told you I would never screw you, and I won't. Let me talk to Jane, okay? This

stays between us.

So, you know, my mom is a good person, and she's good at her job.

Yeah, I know she is.

Even though she did hire a guy, basically, to find me.

Yeah, that's definitely a problem.

We'll figure that one out later.

I know how it feels to discover something you didn't want to find.

Especially about your parents.

I know you do.

In closing,

Principal Cower, this violation of students' rights will not be a headline.

nor will it be leaked to any press, so long as you cease this practice and

reverse the expulsion.

We have eyes all over.

Sincerely, The Crotch.

So, did your parents turn it out in the shower this morning?

I wanted to talk to you about that.

I realized I was being a little tone deaf with my parents' thing, given what

you're going through.

No, it's fine.

No, it's not.

I should be happy that they're in love and showing it.

Hey, thanks for saying that, but you don't ever have to feel like you have to

censor yourself around me. I like your brand of crazy.

Here it comes, Gabe.

The irony is that the only reason those laptop pics ever surfaced was because

Principal Cowher hired someone to find the crotch.

You left this in my trailer.

Thank you for everything.

And in the end, the only thing saving Principal Cowher from a full -on Spygate

scandal that could have destroyed her career is that the crotch is actually

of her people.

Really, her main person.

Lieutenant Hunt?

Yes, how can I help you?

I have Principal Cowher on the phone for you.

So, the cops dropped the charges because of an illegal search and seizure, and

Principal called my dad and reinstated me too.

Completely out of nowhere.

Yep, completely out of nowhere.

Thank you for whatever you did.

We all have our people.

The ones we'd fight hard for.

The ones that we trust.

Hey.

Hey,

do you have any fish water?

I only have two left.

Might as well get rid of them.

Twenty bucks.

That was easy.

We have our people that we know, if it ever came down to it, would fight just

hard for us. I don't know what you did for us this week, but you're my hero.

It's nice how you protect yours.

Having your friends back and them having yours, that's all that matters.

That's everything.

Music featured in this episode of Youth and Consequences.

Climb the wall, brick by brick, we'll jump off.