Original subtitles

Let's not pretend this isn't weird.

How are you doing?

I never wanted any of this.

Well, you kind of asked for it. You know, with the roaming penis of it all.

is where we are now.

I can't start over with every yent in town talking about my divorce.

Well, you've been watching upskirt videos all day.

Chadwick must have upskirted half the school.

Hey, I'm not watching. I'm listening.

You know, I really hate it. Hate what? That they're smarter than us.

Ten dollars, right?

He's around me.

But I only have one.

What? We want me to join you for a drink right now.

Dominating one for Hurley Ho.

Can I make a gameplay suggestion?

Don't come out too strong.

Did you patch things up with Hook? It's just I'm not comfortable using the

student council for illegal activities.

It's all legal as far as you know. Tell Hook I unlocked the snack bar two hours

before game time and to not involve me in whatever illegal thing he's doing.

Isn't it weird how we all have this amazing ability to share and reshare our

connection to the outside world, but we neglect the one we're actually walking

in?

If we want to feel outrage, why do we bury ourselves in our newsfeed?

There's plenty of injustice right in front of us to go around.

Where's Hurley?

Have you seen this BuzzFeed video yet? Oh, I thought... God, it's horrifying.

I mean...

These are children.

This is normal.

Whatever that sound is, it's getting closer.

Uh, should we be running?

What

is

this? The school is cutting girls' cross country in lacrosse.

They say they don't have the money for them.

I'm not getting the bra.

Part of the protest?

Like bra burning in the 60s. Oh, bra burning wasn't a real thing. It was a

You can Google it.

Sorry. Why is there suddenly no money? I don't know, but if I don't play, I

don't get a scholarship.

If you're willing to post a story about the treatment of sweet turtles a

thousand miles away from home, You better also be willing to fight for the

friends who have stood by your side since you were eight.

How is the protest this morning not the top

story right now?

Because this girl passed on brand lacrosse. Nobody cares.

Angry girls waving metal baths is a huge story.

I suppose the new bra angle could generate some click.

I can make a jiggle jiff of Jane with a D.

Okay, I realize most of your posts are hot indexes and new couple alerts, but

sometimes the dig is actually important.

Don't make this about something that's not. I'm kidding.

I will give the protest the juice it deserves.

Thank you.

I don't care what they do, as long as they don't catch a volleyball.

You're into girls' volleyball?

I'm into camel toe shorts.

How exactly did they afford to resell the football field this year? And what

about that brand new scoreboard outside?

Yeah, the football team takes five buses of fans to away games.

How do they not have enough money for girls cross country? I mean, it's just

girls and land. Someone needs to explain this.

I heard the athletic director wasn't even in the building this morning.

Ooh, and the chain's getting tricky.

I'm pretty sure Principal Coward's still hiding under her desk.

Which is why we're going to do it in front of the school tomorrow.

Ooh, braless girls in front of the school.

That'll wake the town up.

What time are you guys marching?

What do you mean, you guys?

I'm not on a sports team.

You were just complaining about human cruelty two hours ago.

And you freed the nip in protest. I mean, what was that, just a cool thing

for a good Instagram post?

What are we actually protesting?

I mean, the fact that the girls team didn't sell enough brownies?

It doesn't... human trafficking, let's keep it all in perspective.

How about the fact that no boys' teams got cut? Sometimes girls' sports just

screwed. The U .S. women's soccer team makes half of what the men make, and

they're actually good.

So what was all this for you? Just make some noise and hope it all works out?

I mean, what about you? You saw Wonder Woman the day it opened.

I'm always down for a fight.

Good. Maybe we should do something a little more than protest.

What do you want me to do?

Well, if we want to know where the money's going, we have to know how much

coming in.

Do you think you could find out how much the fundraisers bring in? Let's use my

girl power.

I never said that I wasn't into the fight. I probably have a girl power,

that I could use.

You want a girl power? How about a trump card? Swap bags?

Are you and Plane watching How to Win at Bridge videos on YouTube?

Grace gave us a few tips.

It's just girls working together.

You should support the U -N -I -T -Y.

That's incredibly annoying.

We've lost five games in a row. What do you think Grace told them?

I think the question is, why did Grace tell them? I mean, the tips are clearly

path of aggression.

Really? Grace seems kind of mousy for any aggression, even a passive one.

Maybe you should just want to keep us as new friends.

Madam President doesn't need us anymore.

She has plenty of new friends.

A little mousy is quicker on her feet than you think.

I mean, do you remember in her election speech when she said, Candidate Ilo said

a few minutes ago that you don't know me, but you do.

I didn't write that. I mean, I wrote most of her speech, but I couldn't have

written that part.

That was Grace reacting to Ilo's speech in the moment, and she crushed it.

All I'm saying is don't sleep on mouthy, because a pile of passive aggressions

usually leads to an aggressive aggression.

I'll keep an eye on her.

But what should I do about the other thing with why does her thing? Just

your baby off tomorrow.

I'll see if I can dig up anything tonight.

That's why soccer works for me.

I have a purpose on the field.

But if I'm standing alone with nothing to do, I get antsy and I want to leave.

Please wear a pant. Please wear a pant.

Pant!

Hide your stiff back and put your hands where I can stand.

Did I actually catch you watching porn this time?

What was it?

Flushie? Time stop.

Oh, pecking.

Your vast knowledge of weirdo porn is not going unnoticed. Birds of a feather.

So, what are you hiding?

Nothing. I was, you know, logging the Chadwick tapes.

Oh, yeah?

Where's the paper?

It was there.

Who are you watching?

Nobody. Well, you shut that laptop pretty quickly, so it has to be someone.

It was just a freshman of social anxiety. It's not a big deal.

Similar to yours, or...

I don't know. She barely said. Now, did you come here to ride me or do you

actually need something?

So she's a she.

Is that why the paper was down? No. God, no. Clearly you're hiding something

because you closed the laptop very quickly. And then when I asked you about

you said it was a freshman instead of a freshman girl, which is a very

convenient leave out. It's not a convenient leave out. You can just say

you're interested in her.

It's cute.

What's her name?

Why did I have to tell you her name? You've never talked to me about Will or

other guys, for that matter. Yeah, because I don't want to make you

Now, who is it?

Fine. It's Anna Hampton.

Ilo's sister.

No wonder you didn't want to tell me.

And P .S., I'd tell you way more about me than I do anyone else, including

Hurley.

Oh, your mom's home.

You're using me to get to my mom. It's a dick move.

I'm not using you. And speaking of dick moves, Ilo will... totally kick your ass

if he finds out that you're interested in his sister.

Don't manipulate my mom.

She loves me.

I realize that your primary goal is to keep order in the school, but you're

a strong, independent woman and a feminist.

I like to think of myself that way.

And on top of all of that, you're raising a semi -normal son who I'm sure

want to respect women.

Okay, that's a little heavy -handed, Farrah.

I know I went a little too far with the semi -normal bit.

I get what you're driving at. It's devastating to lose funding for any art

sports, especially women's sports, but that's just how school budgets work.

I just don't understand how we could have a brand new scoreboard on the

field, yet we have to cut girls' teams altogether.

Well, that scoreboard is used for girls' soccer and field hockey.

I love your passion, but the money just isn't there.

I mean, maybe if more people came out to support our girls, then we could...

Sell more snacks at the snack bar and maybe even sell a few tickets.

I know. I go to every single one of the games.

Girl, soccer's playing right now.

Then I am late for a game.

Bye, Sarah.

Bye, Mrs. Cowher.

Wait.

What?

Who are you?

That was not combative at all.

And yet I got all the info that I need. What info?

I need to know where the buck starts and where it ends, and neither is with your

mom. Which means? Someone else is holding the purse.

Are you really going to a girls' soccer game? I really am.

Why? Good luck with Hannah. Don't ruin your entire sock collection.

Hey there.

Hey.

Working on it?

All good.

I need you to find something else out, and this requires use of your other

special skills.

Okay, what do you need?

I'll call you back. Do you always deliver your product to the snack bar

actual game is going on? Welcome to Wednesday Night Lights.

Except today.

Right. No one, of consequence, is ever here.

So, our real water goes here on the left, and our loaded stuff here on the

right.

Okay.

This is actually kind of fun.

I know. It turns out doing something naughty is kind of enjoyable.

Who knew?

I had no idea you guys were such big fans of girls' soccer.

Or each other.

What are you doing here?

Supporting the girls' team.

Okay. I'm going to go grab another load.

Hook and I are just hanging out.

I don't know.

I'm just saying, so you know.

You know, when I first saw you, I actually thought you were here to get

bridge tips from Grace.

Isn't that right, Grace?

Just thought you might get tired of winning all the time.

But if it bothers you, I can back off.

No, I like the competition.

Where does the money from the snack bar go?

Hook's goes in his pocket. The stuff you sell.

Goes to the 80th office? Why?

No reason.

I don't know why that felt so weird with Sarah.

It's like my mom told me anything.

Are you talking about setting up the snack bar thing?

Or just about, like, getting caught with me in general?

Both, but really the you part.

You don't have to feel weird. I mean, we haven't done anything yet.

Yet?

I assume things just got weirder.

A whole lot weirder.

Sorry. Hey.

All right, here's all the fundraising numbers I could get my hands on.

It's not a little bit of cash.

And then the other thing?

The ladies and I had a little chat with the dude who runs the football ticket

booth. And let me guess, they drop off the cash at a former football hero's

office.

Why, yes, he does.

I also found out that this hero won't be in his office until after 11, just in

case you want to talk to him. Rock star.

Get a hall pass for $11 .15.

Hey. Hey.

So what's the plan? We're going to talk to the athletic director.

It will be fine. We're doing a story for the school paper. You know he's a

family friend.

He helped get my brother into college.

Do you know what happens to an AD who runs a successful high school football

program?

They get into college, too.

And trust me, the salary will be a lot better than at a public school like

Come in.

Hi. Can I help you? We're with the Tiger Press, and we're doing a story on the

protest. Do you mind if I record you?

Um, okay.

I've never been in here before. You know, I heard you were a big deal when

used to play, but all of this?

Wow.

Sarah, how you doing?

How's your brother doing at school?

Great. Yeah, he's still loving it.

That's cool. Good.

So, what, you want a statement?

Well,

it's a horrible situation, right? I mean, it kills me when any sport is cut

because of some state budgetary reason.

And if it cuts, my hands are tied.

I mean, car washes and bake sales are not going to add up to buses and

and everything else that fattens our budget.

If I could change that.

I would.

Look, ladies, listen.

I have daughters that play sports.

Right. The money's not there.

Trust me.

Thank you so much for your statement.

Sure. I know it'll do a lot to ease the tension out there.

Glad I could. Thank you, Mr.

Fisherman. Say hi to your brother.

That way.

so uncomfortable.

What do you think he was hiding in those boxes in his office?

Do you even hear me?

He's very good to my family.

I'm not saying he hasn't, but that doesn't mean he's not hiding something.

He said, trust me, and closed his eyes. Classic liar's tale. Plane does it when

we play bridge. I'll meet you at lunch.

That'll bump this morning.

What bump?

You nudged me on purpose.

Well, I don't remember, so it couldn't have been on purpose.

I need your help.

What illegal -ish thing do you need me to do now?

Nothing you haven't done before.

You need my mom's key? I think I know where the buck stops.

I just need to search A .D. Fisher's office a little.

You think you're going to find a smoking gun, don't you? I know how much the

fundraisers and the ticket sales bring in. Now I just need to know how much

Fisher's spending.

So what you're saying is that something about Fisher smells a little... Please

don't say it.

I'm not going to say it. Well, if you're going to say it, then you've got to

break in with me. Fishy.

I'll pick you up at 7.

Okay, I will be picked up at 7.

Goodbye, Cower.

Wait, uh, do you want to hang out and eat with me?

I have a bridge game to get to.

And I know it's not your bag, but I actually like sitting with people.

No, it's cool. Do your thing.

You know, you don't have to eat by yourself up here all the time.

You're a funny guy.

People will like you. You just have to put yourself out there a little.

You know?

She seems like normal Farrah to me.

Whatever normal Farrah is. Really?

Out of nowhere, she dropped Stacey this summer and refuses to say why. And

now... Since when does her keeping stuff from us seem weird to you?

Nope. Leave me out of this.

Okay. And why is she icing me out of this horse thing?

No offense, but you kind of said you didn't want to be involved, so... Sorry

late. Had to take care of something.

Can't be good for someone.

What are we talking about?

Nothing. Hey.

Can I have my seat back?

You know what I just realized?

You can see the entire cafeteria from this chair.

You know what I also just realized? You can see the entire cafeteria from your

spot up in the catwalk.

Love you too.

All right.

You ready to break the Jane streak?

We're going to take you down. Are you? Because you haven't even spent the

winning day.

Blow your roll, okay?

Farrah and I won like 35 in a row before this fucking streak.

Deal them up.

So did you get anywhere with Fisher?

Not yet, but I will.

Trust me.

Okay.

Hey, why do you pay 15 more heads?

Weren't you fooling around with Ilo at the same time she was?

Yes, but we both know you fired Stacy before me and Ilo. You can tell the

that they can be friends with her. It's not just about the Janes. I have my

reasons. Yeah, I know. You do.

But at some point, you're going to have to trust someone other than yourself.

I'm just... I'm just saying that you can trust me if you ever want to talk about

stuff. I do trust you.

I do. Yeah.

But for now...

Let me figure out a way to get you back on that field. Okay. Okay.

We're outside the school.

Sorry. You're right.

Um, I wanted to ask you something.

Now that this is happening, I need to know your story with Sarah.

What story?

You were really never a thing?

Because she's my friend, and I don't want to mess with that. A little late

that?

Kind of asking post facto.

Look, I prefer her as my friend because I've seen her as an enemy.

I get it.

Look, Farrah and I have been friends since second grade.

Nothing's happened between us.

Trust me.

She has her own thing going on.

Used practice jerseys. We got them. Dead to right.

The money passes through this office.

Could be something new.

The guy's a total bozo. Not even a password.

Hey, I saw you talking to Hannah today.

How'd that go?

I was buying ice cream.

Coincidence? So was she. I don't believe in coincidences.

Particularly for someone who never eats in the cafeteria.

Ever.

What? I'm glad you're putting yourself out there.

Did it feel good talking to her?

Yes, it felt good.

Did I say this guy was a bozo? I mean an ignorama.

What? What'd you find?

Very sloppily hidden spreadsheet.

Looks like this column here is the one coming in.

Yeah.

Most of these numbers match.

Wow. Shocking. Football gets most of the money.

Even the money the girls' team raised.

Boys' basketball gets a ton, too.

Weird how those are the sports that Fisher played.

Looks like someone's throwing cash at the chance to relive his former glory.

We got the weasel.

What are you two doing here?

The door was open, and we were just... Just looking for a fun place to do your

thing?

Our thing?

I've caught kids doing it under the bleachers.

I've caught kids doing it on the roof.

I even caught two in the teacher's lounge. Hey, Al, do you mind if we maybe

this between us? You know, I mean, my girl here, she just wants to make

you know.

I gotcha.

I used to be young once, too.

Just remember what's to clean up after you two.

You got it, dude.

I'm nervous about posting this one.

Last week you posted a blind item about someone upper -decking the gym bathroom.

I know, okay, but we're not just taking Fisher down.

We are cutting the knees out of America's baby right in the middle of

season. We're not fighting football.

We're fighting for a girl's right to play. It's cut and dry.

Football team's gonna hate this. And so is anyone who shows up at the field for

the game.

Brain damage won't stop football, and neither will your post. I know.

But I also know this is the kind of story that ruffles a lot of cock

You ruffle your own cock feathers all the time, so there should be no problem.

Hmm? Hmm?

Okay.

I'm not doing this with you. Doing what?

Taking off one piece of clothing. I mean, this is how a thousand horrible

stories start.

Good night, Will.

Wait. What?

Wookiee told me about the new bathroom at school.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. She also told me her dad moved out.

I wish I was there with you.

Thanks, but, um, I'm cool.

Good night.

Don't do this.

Do what? Don't pull this. I don't need anybody else to stop with me.

I was right next to you when you found out. I know how devastating it was.

It was months ago.

Look, I appreciate you caring, but really, I'm fine.

Appreciate it.

Good night, Will.

Call me if you need me, all right?

Okay.

Hey.

What you doing out here so late? Just watching videos.

Really?

Yeah.

I just forwarded you an article about Conan O 'Brien, how he took acting class

to try to get over his shyness.

Thanks. I'll read it. Oh, my God. Do you know who Conan O 'Brien is?

Yeah.

You do? Yeah.

Am I annoying you? No.

You're not annoying.

No. Honey, why don't you have Farrah take you to some parties? I mean, you

are good friends, right?

Yeah, but we're not go -out friends.

What does that mean? I mean, you go out, right, sometimes?

Yeah, sometimes a little.

Okay, I'm never, ever going to understand this, am I?

Probably not. Okay.

Stay up too late.

Okay.

All right.

Sing it, babe. No.

Come on. No.

Sing it. I don't want to.

Oh, my God.

What is it?

Is that your dad?

Stop taping them.

I think that's the superintendent with him.

It is.

My dad's making out with Stacey Morehead's mom.

Can we get out of here?

Yeah.

Sing it, babe. No.

Come on. No.

Sing it. I don't want to.

Oh, my God.

What is it?

Is that your dad?

Stop taping them.

Ready for the fallout?

I'm feeling a gender war.

Bring it on.

Sometimes the people in charge let their own interests dictate what's right and

wrong.

I'm not saying any of us are totally above it.

I'm just pointing out that it happens on every level.

Whether it's an ex -jock wanting to relive his past, or just a kid illegally

selling alcohol.

I want a cut.

What?

You've been making a ton of money off of my good nature, and we have seven more

home games. I want in.

Screw off.

All the girls' teams will take the field this season.

Sometimes it just works out that you not only fight for the right reason, but

for the right person.

Would you like a flavored water with your homemade crispy? I can have my

volunteer here grab you one.

How much is that?

You know what? I'm not going to let you put that in your body. It's way too

artificial. I'll get you a regular water instead.

Is that what I think it was?

Told me she wouldn't be easy.

What are you going to do about it?

I guess give her a cut.

Music featured in this episode of Youth and Consequences.

Take me to a time when we were younger.