Original subtitles

Anything yet?

So far, nada. You?

Grace's social media presence is so puritan. Every photo is of her holding a

miniature rug.

Oh, she's so squeaky clean.

Is that good?

Bad?

It's ideal.

It's like opening a fresh can of Play -Doh.

Oh, got something.

Come on in, Jane.

Sit down.

That's why.

I'm sorry.

The other chair. Okay.

Yeah, that's better.

Chadwick, you sick pup.

Your grades dipped last quarter. Something going on at home?

I can't watch this, okay?

There are hundreds of files here.

Chadwick must have upskirted half the school.

You know, we have to get these files off of his laptop before your mom finds

them. What difference does it make if she sees them? This guy is despicable.

Yeah, well, Karma already got this scumbag.

His wife and his kid don't need the embarrassment.

We, however, need these files.

You mean we need to delete them, right?

These are all kinds of wrong. I know they are.

But do you realize what we have here?

He left for Afghanistan like a year ago.

And we haven't heard... We have confidential information on half of the

Transfer the file to the cross drive.

Okay.

Something in here is different.

I moved your father's boxes out into the garage this morning.

You can pick them up whenever I'm not around.

How was Chadwick's vigil?

Oh.

Happens sometimes.

You okay?

Yeah, there's just, um, a lot going on.

How about some gin?

Might help.

Uh, you got a winnable game going.

Sit down. I'll deal.

So, have you seen Stacy's new nose?

Looks fantastic.

Where do you run into her?

Facebook.

We play Scrabulous sometimes.

She's very good.

You know what?

I'm tired.

I think I'm just going to head off.

Bye, Mom.

What's with the overnight bag?

And where's Hurley? She's having a moment.

And I'm not into Ilo anymore. We need to change direction.

Is this because you're a thing with Stacy? Because that's not... No.

It's because I don't trust Ilo. I can't take him at his word.

Look, I'll back whoever you want, but voting for Hope now would be kind of a

waste of vote.

We're not backing her either.

Who are we backing?

What do you guys know about Grace Ho?

Who?

Grace. Ho.

That her name is an oxymoron? That she looks like a lollipop?

Oh, my God, she has a Tumblr page about latch hooking.

Who is this chick? She's our third -party candidate.

You've got to be kidding me.

The student council makes some decisions that we may want to say in. We need to

have the president in our pocket. The election is tomorrow.

What do you need us to do?

First thing, find the hoe.

Have you seen this girl, Grace Cove? I haven't, sorry.

Thank you.

Everybody. Do you guys know who this girl is?

No.

Have either of you ladies seen this girl, Grace Cove?

Grace Cove.

No.

Do you know?

Hey.

Hey, guys. Guys. Do you know who Grace Ho is? No? Nobody? Of course not.

Do you know this Ho?

Does anyone know this Ho? Anyone?

Please. Hi.

Do you know her? Please. Say yes.

No.

Grace Ho?

You know my name?

How would you feel about being president of the school?

Is that an option?

It is now.

You have fabulous skin.

Thank you.

Do you know who I am?

Perhaps you're not that flat.

We can work with this.

Cook cookies.

Thank you. I used extra butter. Focus here, Grace Ho.

Sorry, where do you want to go to college?

Any of the IVs? And how do you think student body president would look on

app?

It would be ideal.

Excellent. Well, then I have one more question for you, candidate.

Oh. It concerns Mr. Chadwick's former office.

Oh, really?

I don't get it. Why don't you just run? You'd win.

She has way too much on her plate.

Oh,

look. It's reversible.

Way worse. Thank you. Hands up.

Oh.

Uh, what is this thing?

It's a sports bra. I know. Why are you wearing it? I'm on the field hockey

Yes, after school. During the day? These are assets.

Well, I'm not really...

Look, I know the whole pits thing undermines everything girl power and

feminists, but biologically, boys are simple animals, and this bra alone will

secure you 100 -plus simple animal votes. Remember, the key is getting

first. Then when you're on top, you can make change.

Everything's better on top.

You're doing great.

Oh, what about my speech? I'll take care of that later.

What I need from you now is to hang out with us.

I can do that.

Okay, then.

Here's the plan.

No.

What?

Who

will

walk with us, not behind us?

You can concentrate on your posture.

Your back always blatantly arched. It's going to feel like you're jutting out

your chest because you are. Simple animal books. Exactly. You are never to

these halls alone. Can you do that?

Guess? You don't guess anymore, Grace Ho.

You know.

You always know.

After each of your classes, one of us will be waiting for you. What do you

next? I have a Latin. And where does Latin take place, other than nowhere?

C Hall, 202. Oh, I'm in 211. I got her.

Blast the ho.

All ho, all day.

Keep breathing. You're doing great.

Breathe. You're to always laugh at our jokes, even if you don't get them. Never

let the people know that you're not in on the joke. It is they who are not in

the joke.

Oh, did you guys see? I actually made the crotch today.

All right, don't get a cheapo, Norbert. Act like you've been there before.

I assume my deal with Pear is off?

Never even heard of Grace Hoag. Where'd they find her?

I think they made her in a lab.

This is bad for me.

I'm going to try and make a deal with the band.

May need the votes.

What are you going to offer them?

Same thing Hope offered them.

Chadwick's office.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Oh, I thought I'd do a cookie giveaway during lunch, like Ilo did with the

water.

Are your cookies made with wee?

Uh, what?

Ilo's water was half vodka.

Maybe we've done it.

Oh.

That's a good idea.

Well, people still like cookies, right?

Sure. Keep making them if you want.

Oh, you know, I had some time.

In study hall. So I worked out a few talking points for my speech.

Here.

You made me do it, Hope.

I offered you a deal.

Did you have something to do with that? I don't suppose there's any chance that

you know how to play bridge. Is there?

I play with my nana.

Also mahjong.

You're perfect.

Come on.

Your jacket.

Of course, you're going back to our cookie.

Still have your apron on.

Shouldn't we be in class?

We're fine.

Another trick for the hoe.

No, that did not sound right.

You're like a bridge to the wall.

I love strategy games.

You guys ever play Dominion? It's this game where you have to amass assets to

build the most powerful kingdom before your opponents do.

Never heard of it. What order do you give your speech?

My choice.

I win the coin toss.

Fantastic. You're the closer. It's the power position.

Bridge is cool, too. I always see you guys over here playing every day.

I just never thought I'd actually ever be here playing with you.

Are you taking out my bio and credentials?

Don't you think everybody should know all the stuff I've been involved in

Like what? Your baking proficiency?

No. It's better that you're a mystery to them. Think of yourself as the new kid

in school.

I've been here for ten years.

But today's your first day of relevant.

No offense.

Dominating win for Hurley Ho.

All right. 30, 70, 100, 170, 340.

Can I make a gameplay suggestion?

Don't come out too strong.

Say you have a clean and a nice face. I am shortening the snooze fest in the

middle by half.

Actually, by a whole.

It's gone.

That pretty much leaves me saying hello and then goodbye.

I lost the goodbye, too. We need a stronger closer.

Going last means you control the walkway. When they exit the auditorium,

Ho needs to be the only name that they remember.

How do I accomplish that?

We need a hook.

I'll go find him.

I don't want to sound skeptical, but don't you think I should say something

substance? I mean, you're the one who said that Ilo's already cut deals with

half the factions in school.

Okay, look.

These circles represent the voting block in the school.

Now, the vote is tomorrow, and Ilo already has both of the blocks.

but that doesn't mean that we're done yet.

What do we do?

We fracture the groups, regroup them into one larger voting bloc.

Women.

54 % of the school is female. Girls who are dying to be seen and heard.

By tomorrow, you'll have a speech that speaks directly to them.

I'll get it to you in the morning so you can practice with it. And until then,

the Janes and Hurley will stay by your side all through dinner.

Be seen.

As much as possible.

Got it?

This is an off.

My mom edited it. No.

No, no, no.

I would advise looking at some better... Wow.

Are you aware that Deb G. Chiba got a 1530 on the SATs?

What? But he's a moron. Yeah.

How's the speech coming?

Actually, I think I'm done.

Nice.

Do you want to maybe hang out a little?

Why? I don't know.

You could tell me how you figured out that I was the one behind the crotch

curtain. Or you could tell me who you inherited the crotch curtain from.

How about just hanging out, because it's better than going back to your house

right now.

Okay.

Do you want to listen to some music?

Who isn't? Just hold still for once, okay? Listen. This band could literally

change your life.

So is it over

officially? Is what over officially?

Your dad.

Is he gone, gone?

I'm not posting a story about it. I wouldn't do that to you. Yeah, because I

could out you. No, because I wouldn't do that to you.

Hey, I actually care what you think of me. What is that supposed to mean?

Well, I've seen your shades, and yet at school you treat me like I'm invisible,

just like everybody else. Yeah, which is me protecting us.

Is it?

My dad's stuff is in boxes in the garage, which it turns out is

easier than...

Seeing it piled up in the dining room.

What do you mean?

I mean, it's easier not to see all of that when I'm sitting at the table where

we used to have family dinners.

Sorry. I should have gotten that.

I'm just so angry at him.

I mean, not because of what he did to my family. I mean, that's obvious.

I'm just angry because while he's out there doing whatever with whoever,

I'm stuck being my mom's only source of entertainment.

I mean, other than Daisy Moorhead and her fabulous, scrabulous skills, which I

cannot even deal with. Well, I get that.

I have been my mom's only source of entertainment since, you know. Yeah.

It's exhausting.

This is actually kind of a good song.

Yeah? And in English, too. What is with you and, like, the French music?

Oh, no, no. You've gotten enough out of me today.

Okay.

Let's smokey more trustworthy.

Gotcha. How are you feeling?

Scared. You're going to do great. Thanks.

You got this hook?

As long as she keeps her end up, we'll make it happen.

Great. Yeah, of course, I'm in.

Do you think anyone will really connect with this farm?

They all will.

All right, guys.

Election assembly after lunch.

Until then, the plan is the same as yesterday.

Why? You've got our homeroom and first period.

I got a second and third.

Hey, you've got this, okay?

Are you sure?

Just remember to connect with the emotion in this speech.

Got me?

All right, we'll

catch up with you later.

Hey, Lynn.

Are you ready for the big vote today?

It doesn't really matter who's president.

My year doesn't change.

I mean, you don't know that.

The student president controls a five -figure event budget. It's just a

popularity contest where the winner chooses the theme for prom.

I mean, if you feel that way, then this is your chance to prevent another under

-the -seat debacle.

It was so loud last year, too, right? I couldn't tell from the pictures.

Oh.

Well, I can understand how you saw the theme and chose to sit that one out.

You made the right choice.

You don't have to do that.

We both know nobody asked me.

Like I said, my year doesn't change either way.

No, I didn't.

Vote for Grace.

In closing, you can vote for any candidate you want.

But really think about what they stand for.

And what you know about them.

I mean, come on.

Who's Grace Ho, really?

Look. In the end, you have to vote for a known quantity.

And that's me.

Vote for ILO.

I've had a speech prepared for this moment since I was nine years old.

But now, not so much.

I wasn't even going to show up here today, but I realized that

I'll never have the opportunity to apologize to all of you at once.

Here goes.

I am truly sorry if I hurt anyone with what I said.

I want you to know that I understand that what I said is wrong.

And that I have a problem.

So, I have taken it upon myself to enroll in sensitivity classes.

And I intend to prove to you all that I was, am, and will be a worthy candidate.

Thank you.

I'm going to make this short and sweet because I know how uncomfortable those

chairs are.

What is she doing? Back on point, ho.

Candidate Ilo stood here a few moments ago and said that you all don't know me.

But I think he's wrong.

You do know me.

Look, if you want to vote for some guy because he has great eyes and abs,

then go ahead.

But don't be surprised if after you fall for him, he asks you to park in

his garage so that his friends don't see your car parked at his house.

At least with me, you know what you're getting.

Because I'm you and

you and you.

I'm a girl who comes in every day hoping that today is the day that someone

notices me.

I'm a girl who...

want the cool event to go to on the weekends because I want at least one

story to tell people when I go to college.

I'm a girl who wants a high school experience like you see on TV, where I

with a cute guy and make out on the swing set.

I'm you.

Even if you didn't recognize me until yesterday.

So if every one of you drop a check in the great hell box, then we win.

Not me.

We.

A landslide.

You did it.

Yeah, we did.

Later, Colin.

Bye, Farrah.

Farrah!

Farrah, wait up.

Congratulations, El Jefe. I just wanted to say thanks for everything.

This is so cool. Not a problem.

There's still one thing I don't get.

Why me?

You didn't even know me.

I like a Cinderella story.

So, can I ask you what now?

What do you mean?

Tomorrow.

What do I do?

You keep your end of the bargain and build a private handicap bathroom.

I will. I just meant about us.

Oh.

Let's... Plan a weekly meet.

Sound good?

Bye.

Great Poe has a lot going for her.

Pretty, smart, and now she has a killer look.

It's really too bad she had to try and give the James Bridge pointers.

Why give away an advantage when you don't need to?

When all is said and done and she's at Harvard or whatever Ivy, she'll look

on this and realize, I gave her exactly what she wanted.

I've been there.

What? How it starts with her.

Look.

On the plus side, the same weakness that made Grace Ho want to help the Janes

and Bridge makes me quite certain that she'll keep up her end of our little

bathroom deal.

Hey! Yeah!

Hey, Mrs. Davies! I just talked to Will at college.

He asked if I'd seen you and wanted to know how you're doing. Tell him that you

have and that I'm doing great.

Hey, Woogie, how's freshman year treating you? Fine so far, mostly

haven't been calling me Woogie at school.

So who do you have for English class?

This is Koenig. Oh, and I've already emailed Grace Ho some bathroom tile

choices.

This season on Youth and Consequences.

Some shit in your sandwich.

A little Grace Ho puppet did.

They don't think pulling your strings can be as easy as you think.

I'm not a very good liar. Don't forget how you got here.

Today, I identify as a woman.

Your move, girlfriend.

Grace is right. I can't think of a single thing Farrah's done for me that

benefit her more.

Since when does her keeping stuff from us seem weird to you? She is full -on

farting with me right now.

Nice style, Grace.

Where'd you get it? What illegal -ish thing do you need me to do now?

We need to leave this... My mom could lose her job. I want to break into her

email.

She's your hacker?

The crotch holds power.

Barely tapped into it.

Don't. This is a huge story.

The crotch has no moral compass.

That post violates me in so many ways.

We're screwing with a kid's life here. I don't know what to do.

You know what your problem is? You actually believe that you should decide

what's best for other people.

I have to burn the whole thing down.

I'm not going to let you burn a town without me.

Ready for the fallout?

Bring it on.