Original subtitles

Valco! Serves you right. I've prepared something.

Can't you just stop that? Don't forget our brilliant... From booze to biscuits.

Red hot tails.

Loads of tofu ones.

The finest butchers, the freshest meat.

Served with a smile.

Friendly staff, always happy to help. Am I getting paid for this? Don't forget

the Valco tick.

Everyone always gets it wrong, it's definitely that way. Tick. Valco!

Serves you right.

Now with that, it's pleasure foods.

On you go, love. You've got an honest face.

Um, don't you think you should maybe double -check when the alarm goes?

Oh, Daniel, how little you know about indoor security.

Eighty -four percent of the work I do is up here, mate.

Oh, is that right?

Oh, yeah. I can assess a potential shoplifter with the flick of an eye.

And what about him?

Hundred percent shoplifter.

Amazing.

Hey!

Gabby? Gabby?

Gabby! I'm awake, I'm awake, I'm awake.

Have you been sleeping in the office?

No!

OK, fine, yes, I have.

Yes, Cheryl and I have been having a few issues at home.

Not of a sexual nature. OK. The things in that department have always been very

satisfactory, as far as I'm aware.

Unless she's mentioned anything to you. Gavin, you've scheduled a meeting for

this morning.

Oh, yes, yes. Well, yes.

So there's been a few more sexual harassment complaints from customers.

Colin. Margaret.

She's not been tucking people's shirts in again, has she? Yes, I'm afraid she

has. I would have spoken to her about that.

Yes, well, head office are very worried about it. So, you know, it's time we

brought out the big guns.

Yes, we're talking sexual harassment information training.

Oh, God, really? Today?

No, no, no, listen, fret you not.

I've made a few changes.

Head office felt that the video was a little bit... Dated? No, sexy. Too much

saxophone. So I've taken the liberty of writing one or two of my own scenario.

So, yeah, you're welcome.

Wow, you really have put a lot of effort into this.

Yes, well, you know, nights are long on the leaky lilo, and it's helped me keep

my mind off the situation with Cheryl.

Did I mention that? Yes, so, Gavin, I'd better get on with it. Yeah, quite

right. Yeah, quite right.

Margaret, I wasn't singing. I was doing my vocal warm -ups. I'm preparing my

voice for another radio broadcast today.

Drive Time with Sanjay and Faye.

Oh, how exciting. What are you going to wear?

What does it matter what I wear?

It's radio.

I think you ought to wear clothes for it, Brian.

Of course I'll be wearing clothes, Margaret. I just mean that the only

that's really important is what I say, what expertise I share.

Oh, look.

What are you doing? Your shirt's out. Margaret.

Ah, stop it.

Hey, you.

Do you want to hear the good news or the... No, it's just bad news. Oh, God,

what?

No.

Oh, and it gets better.

Gavin has written us a little play to help demonstrate.

His talents are wasted here.

Are you going to give us a hand or not? Do I have a choice?

None whatsoever. So, we'll do it in the canteen after lunch.

Right, so date.

Oh, no, it's in a date. We're organising a sexual harassment training for the

staff. Yes, it's not an actual date, is it, Katie?

Well, sir.

OK, I'm going to go.

Katie, you all right?

Yeah, I'm just busy, OK?

Hey, what are you doing here? Well, are you not pleased to see me? Yeah, of

course. I just didn't expect it at all. What's up?

Well, I was on my way to that briefing in Wigan and then I realised I've left

phone at yours.

What am I like, there?

They sell as -you -go ones at the kiosk. Yeah, I know, but I was just thinking

that maybe I could borrow yours.

Um, I might need it. What, more than the lone woman on the road to Wigan? I

don't think so, Daniel.

I guess.

Anyway, I'm just thinking about you, babe.

What if something bad happens?

You flat -out refuse to lend me your phone.

You will never forgive yourself.

I suppose.

And it's not like you've got anything to hide, right?

Right? No, of course not.

Cool. I'll see you later, then.

Do you need me to unlock it? No, you're all right, baby. I already know your

code.

So tell me what it is again.

I've already told you, Lisa. Stop making it harder than it already is, OK?

I don't know, Katie.

I get a bit shy talking about stuff like that. You?

Shy? Oh, hang on.

But I don't mean shy. What do I mean?

I can't be arsed.

Right, sugar tits?

You'd better be talking to me.

Of course I am. Katie wants us to do some sort of sex training later.

Katie, Katie, Katie.

How many times have I told you? If you want this, all you've got to do is ask.

She still owes me a pass from some fella she snogged in town from the kebab

stand. That kebab was for you and you know it.

OK, you see, all of this, this entire conversation...

constitutes a sexual harassment, right? Wicked.

Right. So we don't have to do the training then?

Yes. Yes, you do.

So frigid.

I'm clearly not getting any.

Gavin, you need to talk.

Not in front of the customers, please. Cheryl.

Have you been sleeping in the office?

No. You've got your slippers on.

I have.

I just felt we needed some space, that's all.

You haven't taken any bedding.

Well, I have a blanket in my car for emergencies, and I've found that a ring

binder is a very supportive pillow, I thank you very much. Now, what can I

you with? Well, you can help me by stopping all this nonsense with Duncan.

I can't believe you've taken his side.

Gavin, I'm not taking sides. I'm trying to run a business, which is why I've

said Duncan can do his launch here today.

Oh, be fair!

Gavin, I haven't fired you for assaulting a rep on Falco property. I

been more than fair, don't you?

Now, I've got a meeting with W .A. Contola from Pleasure to try and explain

on earth has been going on here lately.

So make this work.

Yeah. Or what?

Oh, really, you're not the man I thought you were.

Hey, Daniel.

I'm just setting something up for the meeting, if I really use that.

Sorry I acted a bit weird when Holly arrived earlier. It's just that this is

bit tricky, but I think you should know what she's really like. I mean, I think

he's a bit crazy.

Anyway, we need to talk.

Oh, it's Katie, by the way.

Shy, could you give us a hand?

Oh, thank you.

Are you going on holiday?

With an overhead projector, no?

We've just got sexual harassment training after lunch.

I don't really want to learn how to do that, if that's OK.

It's not how to do it, it's how to avoid doing it. See, sexual harassment is...

Sorry. Sorry, carry on.

Sexual harassment.

Shy. Do you have a problem with the words?

This is going to be a long day.

Oh, Gavin, don't hit me!

Duncan, I just want you to know that in the best interest of Balco, I am

prepared to let sleeping dogs lie.

Oh, that's interesting.

Because I was planning on creeping up behind the sleeping dog and chasing it

round the garden whilst banging a non -stick saucepan. Yes, well, I think the

RSPCA would have a thing or two to say about that. Yeah, they'd probably say,

wonder Duncan won. He is an absolute legend.

Yes, well, I just came to see if you needed any more little mini -cups for

tasting. Gavin, this is assailant.

People don't want mini -cups, no.

We get everyone a whole can, each.

Well, thank you for that.

Yes, good luck with it. And, you know, if you need any help at all, then please

come to me.

Well, actually, there is one thing.

Could you get someone to move the rabbit food back to the pet section?

The smell's putting off my customers.

That's a lovely rack. I mean, sack.

Or do I?

Hey, did you get my message?

What message?

My answer pay message. Oh, no, I left my phone to Holly.

Oh, God.

What's wrong?

Oh, my God.

Here's Holly Lack. Oh, my God.

Would someone tell me what's going on? Oh.

Sorry I acted a bit weird when Holly arrived earlier. OK, so I can... It's a

tricky, but I think you should know what she's really like. I mean, I think

she's a bit crazy.

Anyway, we need to talk.

I told you that she was out to break us up, Daniel.

Mate, why would you do that? OK, I can explain. He is not interested in you,

Katie, and I am not going anywhere, so get used to it!

Do we get this again?

Brian says he's not coming.

I'll go get him.

Katie, Margaret's been tucking my shirt in again.

Brian.

Ah, Daniel, just the man. I'm going to need this afternoon off for media

commitments again.

That's the third time this week, Brian. I'm afraid it's not possible.

But I'm expected on drive time with Sanjay and Fay at four.

No, you're expected to be at work, and you've got sexual harassment awareness

training in the canteen right now. Oh, you don't need me for that. I mean,

firstly, because it's a total waste of time, and secondly, because it always

comes down to their word against yours anyway.

I don't need training in how to successfully deny something.

I'm sorry, are you admitting to harassment in the workplace?

Absolutely not, and I am deeply hurt at the accusation.

See? You've got to let me go. This only goes to prove you need the training more

than anyone else. But I can't let Sanjay down at this short notice. We are

saving lives out there!

Canteen, now.

Daniel! Daniel!

This is so unfair!

What the blazes is that?

Right, yarmouth, Duncan, what's going on? This was meant to be a product

not Noel's fudging house party.

It's called PR, Gabby. We're just trying to get the name of... I've forgotten

the name and I'm holding it in my hand.

Hey, you!

Have one of these.

Here's one for you, little fella. I really don't think he should be giving

to children.

Rubbish! Help one bloke to pee in his baby's bottle and she'll like you.

Who says breast is best?

Well, medical professionals and breastfeeding experts, as far as I'm

Pitiful. This is a great name for a product.

Deep -fried peanut butter waffles. Somebody write this down. I'm on fire.

No,

I'm not on fire.

He's doing this on purpose. This is everything that I'm fighting against.

Don't you want me to kick him out for you, Gaff? You know, there is nothing

I would like more, but Cheryl has made it very clear that there will be

consequences if I get in his way.

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

Tell me more.

So you take the cat by its tail and its back legs and bosh, off it comes.

Or you sedate it, shave it, take your fingers... Ian, Ian, I thought you were

going to try and help me find ways of stopping Duncan without portraying

Really? How would I know how to do that?

Listen, I made a vow.

Well, not about. A reasonably significant promise to put the health of

customers above and beyond anything else. And that includes you, my love.

That's all right. You do what you have to do, my love.

Excuse me, Wendy. Can I just get past?

What is the magic word, Malcolm?

I'm just trying to do my job here, Wendy.

And I'm just trying to have a little fun, honey.

Come on, give me a smile and I will let you through. Okay, thank you. You too.

Deeply moving, deeply moving.

So, as we can see, one woman's joke is quite clearly another man's harassment.

Don't do joking. No, it's fine to tell jokes, just don't make it sexual in

nature. Why can't you tell a joke about nature?

You can, nature's fine.

So what can we say in this?

PC world.

Brian, you can say what you want as long as it isn't sexual or offensive.

Right, nothing sexual, nothing offensive. What am I meant to say?

got nothing. Just think before you speak.

Ask yourself, would I behave this way if it was going to be shown on the news?

It wouldn't, which is why it's pointless me even being here. Sit down, Brian.

It's just a way to make you think about your behaviour. Ask yourself, would I

act the same way if this was happening in front of my husband slash wife slash

life partner?

want to slash Alan?

Oh, no, no, Margaret. How would I feel if someone was behaving this way to my

child? Don't have kids.

I know.

Would it help if we got off and made some kids? Sounds good to me.

Uh -oh.

Let's bring the bacon back together.

I just have to face facts, Gavin. The guy's clean.

Damn it, you're right. We've tried everything.

Google, Yahoo, Friends Reunited. We've got nothing.

Well, Duncan Trench, you win once and for all.

Well, maybe we should call it a day and go and get some lunch. Lunch? I want

lunch. I've had a big breakfast.

Whoa, easy now.

Penn and Teller, what do they put in this stuff?

Grana, caffeine, coffee extract, caffeinated compound, coffee flavoured,

-anodine, back tip, a whole bit of sugar and caffeine.

I think we've found what we're looking for.

We sure have.

What is it?

So, Gavin's rules for hassle for environs.

If you feel uncomfortable because of the way a work colleague has touched you or

spoken to you, fill in a form. Oh, I have that.

Really? Yeah.

And, well, you don't have to say anything here, obviously.

Well, Brian, that's Tuesday.

Beg your pardon? You dirty, dirty little man. I shall come over there. Nobody

jump to conclusions.

Everyone, please wait until she's finished.

He bought me some flowers for me birthday. Oh, I was touched.

I didn't even know he knew what date it was.

Bless him. Told you. Fair enough, mate. And then he pinched me bum, so I will

have one of them phones.

Margaret! I know what she's referring to.

There was a piece of red filling from a flute.

It's just an egg!

Very easily. Unlike me, though, eh, Cap 'n? When you knock me down, I come back

stronger. I mean, look at me.

I'm probably the king of the world!

What are you doing?

I'm putting an end to this madness.

I will not have any more of that drink consumed or sold in my shop. That's your

problem, isn't it, Cap 'n? Because it's not your shop.

I'll make one phone call to your girlfriend. I can keep doing what I

feel free. Go ahead, call her. Not even Cheryl Fairweather.

with her infectious laugh and her chestnut brown eyes and her freckled

Not even Cheryl Fairweather can stop me taking care of my customers.

Well, then, you don't deserve that. Well, that may be right, but that

alter the fact that this stuff should have been recalled. It contains anti

-anidoid bactifalbin.

So?

So, since I started my healthy eating campaign, I've come to know one or two

things about ingredients.

And that has been banned.

It causes asthma.

In my... Listen to yourself!

No one cares!

Pleasure Foods can do what it likes. It doesn't just make the rules, it makes

the paper the rules is written on.

If we want to make the Pond Life of Warrington drink horse piss, we can.

Do you want to drink horse piss? Do you?

Do you want a drink after this?

Will somebody call an ambulance?

Right, shall we call it a day? They've all filled out the forms.

Yes, please.

OK, if anyone has any questions, just come and see myself walking.

I have a question.

Oh, Jesus Christ. If a person was being relentlessly pursued by a work colleague

even though they weren't interested, would that be classed as sexual

It's going to be good. Well,

it depends if the person felt intimidated.

So would it be sexual harassment if someone sent abusive messages to the

colleague about their current girlfriend just because they were jealous and old

and insecure and old?

Okay, I can't put up with this anymore, Daniel. This has nothing to do with my

feelings towards you, but you cannot go out with that.

Boo! Who do you think you are?

I am a friend, and this is what friends do. They look out for each other. I am

his fiancée, and we are going to be together forever and ever, whether you

it or not.

Excuse me, you're not my fiancée. Yet, but I probably will be if she didn't

getting in the way.

We're so good for each other, Daniel, you know that. We have a bit of fun,

but fiancée, that's a bridge too far.

Why don't we just get rid of her?

We don't have to kill her, not necessarily, but we just can't. Back for

something? All right, I think you should go now. All right, then. See you later.

No, really, you won't. Well, you don't have to let me in, because I've had a

made. Oh, all right, Holly, listen to me.

It's over.

I don't want to see you no more.

Give me my key and my phone.

Leave.

You are making a massive mistake.

You're going to regret this.

These role plays are very good, aren't they?

Oh, Cheryl.

Oh, Cheryl. Can I come in?

I've just been speaking to Debbie Acantola. I thought you'd like to hear

news about Duncan.

Yeah, he's been sacked.

Nearly.

Promoted.

I think they loved his enthusiasm. But he's been based out of Leicester, so you

can rest easy.

Oh, I see.

Well, I thought you'd be happy.

It's a victory.

But at what cost?

Did you mean what you said out there?

Which bit? The birthday nose?

No, that was very nice.

No, the bit about not compromising, even for me.

I'm afraid I did.

Even if it meant risking everything we have together?

Yes, even that.

Does this mean it's over?

God, no!

It's the reason why I love you so much, Gavin Strong.

You take a thankless task, a totally lost cause.

Right. I mean, something most normal. All people would see is a complete and

utter waste of time, like trying to get people from Warrington to eat better

food. I'm sorry, is there a but coming? But you throw your whole heart into it.

Oh, there we go. However futile the project, however hopeless the case, it's

what I admire in a man.

My man.

Me?

You.

Now go and get that Lilo and let's go home.

I don't know, Margaret.

I'm not sure it's got enough gravitas.

Stop fussing.

Honestly, what's the worst that could happen? You could give someone the wrong

drugs, they could die, and it would be all my fault. Exactly.

So go and enjoy yourself.

Thanks, Margaret.

I can explain.

Listen, I understand that this is a great opportunity for you, but you

just keep sneaking off.

My public need me. Then do it. But if you leave right now, I'll take you

officially handed in your notches. If you love someone, Daniel, set them free.

I definitely don't love you.

Let me know what you decide.

Margaret?

Brian?

What should I do?

You know what you need to do, Brian.

Listen to your heart and do what's best.

Thanks, Margaret.

I'm going to miss you.

I meant stay.

Oh, harass me, Carl. Oh, you're going to put complaints in.

Are you all right? Yeah, I think so.

Look, I'm sorry, I should have listened to you.

Yeah, you should have.

In fact, you should listen to me about everything.

Who's going to win the X Factor, what to do about the economy, and if we should

go for a pipe.

Oh, what are your views on if we should go for a pipe?

I think that we should.

All right, well, I think I should get the first round in the name.

Oh, Kevin, you're not bringing your work home with you, are you? Oh, what, this?

Oh, heavens no, this is my new favourite pillow. I'm kidding you not.

I've been looking for a head support like that for years.