Original subtitles

Heard something.

I think she'll just stop that now. Valko!

From booze to biscuits.

Red Hot Dales.

Load to two for one.

The finest butchers, the freshest meat.

Friendly staff, always happy to help. Am I getting paid for this? Don't forget

the Valko tick.

Everyone always gets it wrong, it's definitely that way. I love the Valko

Tick serves you right.

Valko serves you right.

Whatever.

Congratulations, people.

We have made it to the half century.

And to celebrate this most auspicious of occasions, Valco Warrington is going to

party like it's 1965.

Who are you, men of bay?

Well, that's a bit of an in -joke, Lisa. A Valco in -joke.

Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be... Peter Ballard, the Valco manager of

1965 to 1977.

So without further ado, I'm going to hand you over to my glamorous assistant,

Daniel, who will run you through the day's schedule.

Just a little something I stole from Gavin's wardrobe.

But seriously, please, guys, don't leave me alone on this. There's wigs and

psychedelic shirts and stuff in the canteen.

Do we have to?

Yes, well, in fact, you do have to, Elisa, because it's just a bit of fun.

The treasure hunt is going to start at 1, so we'll be expecting a surge of

customers around lunchtime. Okay, what's the prize?

Well, I'm afraid that is top secret, but all I will tell you is that it is

financial, and it has a lot to do with the date that we opened.

Wicked. I'll be having that. No, I'm afraid that that is, well, that's for

customers only.

The rest of you, just open those doors and let them in!

I must say, that is a fantastic costume.

I've not changed yet.

Of course you haven't.

Come on, chop -chop, Barbarella.

You're on top form today, Gavin.

Well, who wouldn't be when the supermarket has a milestone birthday?

I just wondered, you know, that stuff you've shown last week.

Oh, no, no, forgotten.

No, Walter under the bridge.

Cars over the flyover, really.

As long as you're all right, Captain.

Well, thanks very much, Katie.

At least I didn't follow across the entire country.

Let's go and check on those rotors. Yeah.

Wow.

Work relationships are a nightmare.

Tell me about it never again.

Never again.

I need to... Just, yeah.

It might be our birthday, but today the gifts are on us. Look out for selected

products marked down for one day only to £19 .65.

That's right, we're putting the happy into happy birthday.

A look of flipping stupid.

Oh, don't be such a party pooper. I should have been sure, not Sonny. I've

my skin tones.

Come on, get it on.

And the moustache.

You look amazing.

So, Margaret, what was life like back in the 60s? Well, do you know, I can't

really remember, Harry, to be honest.

Well, you know what they say, if you can remember the 60s, you weren't really

there. Well, where was I?

Just a saying, Margaret.

And anyway, you don't remember, so you were there.

Oh, good.

What about you, Brian?

Where were you in the 60s? I was a baby, mate. Baby pharmacist?

No, just a baby.

I have done other stuff, you know. This isn't my only achievement in life.

Like what other stuff?

Well... Will you put me on the spot now?

Mushrooms.

That's it. I was on mushrooms in the 60s. It's all coming back to me now.

Seriously? Won't be what you're thinking.

My goodness, they were some very dark days indeed, Harry.

You just don't look retired. Wait until she's finished.

Huddle together in that barn.

Wait for it. Oh, yes, we packed them all in that factory, Harry.

Clothes cup, button.

And order is restored.

It's a wonder we managed anything with all the LSD we were taking.

Wow. And, uh, whatever they say, you're bringing those boots home.

All right, Austin Powers. Give me a kiss.

Woo! Colin and Lisa, sitting in the tree. K -I -S -S -I -N -G.

Your boyfriend has a... No.

Gross. Yuck. Double yuck. I did have one once, though. He used to pick me up in

his car and we'd just, like, go driving around, talking.

But he was always testing me.

Oh, I hate that.

If I don't really have to read all the signs, then I'll be like, come on, I

don't like it. Yeah, totally. Mate, are we doing it or not, right?

Yeah, and then I'd shout, I'd break, and I'd have to slam on the brakes and

stuff.

Right. Right, so more of a driving instructor than an actual boyfriend,

Yeah. Yeah.

Listen, Vanessa, I'm just letting you know as a courtesy, if nothing else,

right? I do wish you'd rein in that effing and jeffing.

No, I don't think it's too soon, actually. Well, she is my girlfriend.

But if you must know, I was hoping to ask her today.

Well, that's very graphic.

Yes, and I'm not sure that's even possible.

Hey, why is he around without a roof? I don't get it.

I don't know, but... If I'd have been without a roof, I'd be well annoyed.

Linda, I think Neville's going to propose.

What? I just heard him talking to his ex on the phone, asking her to sign

something because he's going to ask you today.

Sure. I heard it.

Oh, my God, Sue, what am I going to do?

I can't marry Neville.

Me?

How did you know that Colin liked you, Lisa?

Oh, he undid me bra in the dinner queue while we were waiting for lattice fries.

Because I find it really hard to know if a man is into me or not. Just when

you're thinking, is he the one?

They go and mess it up by telling you, they only came to read the gas meter and

please can they go home now?

What are you two on about?

Heather wants a blow.

Nice. Do you want us to set you up with someone?

We should get you on Tinder.

Are you on Tinder then, Katie?

Might be.

You? Might be.

I don't understand what I'm looking at. Right, basically what you do is you look

at their faces and if you give them one, swipe right.

And if you wouldn't touch them with hers, left.

That seems so mean, though.

Hang on. Is that... What is?

I'll kill him!

Whilst the orders of pork pies have almost doubled, the actual sales have

plummeted. Do you see that?

Yeah. Do you know what? I think it's a management issue, Gav. So just... I've

just got to go and check on the thing.

Oh, right.

Was that Kevin?

Yeah, he's back there.

Back there because he's hiding from me or back there because he's got a thing

get back there? Hiding.

Definitely hiding.

Right, fine.

Actually, no, it's not fine. Do you know, it's not fine at all.

Colin! Oh, Lisa, whatever it is, I did... Lisa, I've forgotten the safe

Ace by 23.

Ring any bells?

Oh.

Ah. How could you?

Lisa, I swear, I was just curious.

Curious? There's only one thing you'd be curious about, and we're definitely not

doing that now!

Lisa! No!

Come back!

Lisa! No!

Gavin?

Gavin?

Can you please come out? We need to talk.

Oh, Cheryl, I didn't see you there. I was just... Oh, Peter Mallard!

Classic. You know no -one else. Hello.

Peter Mallard?

Which isn't the point.

How can I help you?

Look, I, er... I know you're angry and you've every right to be, but there are

things that I need to say.

Oh, shall we just step inside here only?

These shelves, they're heavier than if it's personal. Which it is, yes.

Only, er, whatever you do, don't shut the door.

Katie.

Katie, where's Gavin? The treasure hunt was supposed to start half an hour ago.

Okay, well, start it.

He's got the, you know, treasure.

Well, get another prize, plant it. I mean, you know where he keeps his

checkbook. Oh, I don't know.

Is this bloody thing starting or what?

I took him off school for this.

Well, I don't fancy telling him, do you?

Yeah, all right, back in a bit.

Right, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girl, the Valco birthday treasure hunt

about to start... now!

Come on, Margaret, there must be something.

You've got three beautiful children.

Not that. I mean actual achievements.

Well, they've all gone on to become doctors.

You're not helping.

I ran the Warrington half marathon in six hours, 42.

I did it in five.

And I've got cerebral palsy.

Damn him.

and a half minutes.

Really? It seems so much longer than that, don't you think?

Of course, at Lauda, we've got an emergency alarm system.

Have you not got one of those at Valco, Gavin?

Do you not think if we had, it would have activated it by now?

I'm just saying.

Maybe you should look into getting one, that's all.

Well, at Valco, most of our staff know not to shut the door behind them when

entering a freezer unit.

Fine. Yes, well, fine.

pot pie.

You're eating the pig bit out of it.

Yeah, but look, saved you all the jelly bit. That's the best bit.

Look, Lise, I swear I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Did you

meet up with anyone? No! I don't believe it! Right, I swear, it's true.

Okay, look, look at this. Look at this.

Nobody swiped me.

What, no one? No one.

So I thought, right, my phone's on the blink, so I gave customer services a

bell, don't they said?

You have to change your profile picture or something.

What a bunch of stuck -up cows. I'd have totally swiped you.

Would you?

Yeah. Oh, babe.

I could give you a good swiping now if you fancied it.

I'll leave my boots on.

Oh, that's what I'm talking about.

How long's it been now?

It's been about 30 seconds from when the last time you asked. All right, chill

out.

Where?

Chill out.

I was going to say that, that's right.

And I was going to say there's no need to be so frothy. Oh, that's a great one.

That would have been a real icebreaker.

Oh, nice.

Hello, you.

Hello. Listen, I'm so sorry about the way it... About my coffee thing and the

email thing and everything. All the things. I'm sorry about all the things.

But, you know, you were in the wrong too. You should have trusted... me. Yes,

but you did read my emails and you did commit an act of industrial espionage.

Makes it sound quite exciting.

I'm sorry.

We were never really the problem, were we?

Well, I suppose not.

It was everything else out there that got in our way.

I've missed you so, so much. I've missed you too, Gavin.

Linda,

wait. There's something I've got to do first.

Oh, my God, Neville, you're mental.

What? Not here.

My shoelace.

Oh. Oh, right.

Yeah, sorry.

Did you think I was going to propose?

You did, didn't you?

Oh, right, only because she heard you on the phone to your ex -wife.

Sorry, Neville, but I heard you. Oh, that.

I was going to invite you to my daughter's 18th birthday party.

I thought it was time you met the guy. Oops.

What am I like, eh?

Do the voice again.

You want me to do the voice? Yeah. Okay.

Oh, yeah, baby.

Yeah, you're really bad at that.

Still bad? Yeah.

Colin!

Oi!

Who's in there?

Colin, it's me, it's Gavin. Oh!

Okay, very enough, Gavin.

We'll leave you to it. Open the door.

Go on, Gavin!

What are you doing?

I know, and during the working day, Gavin, that's bang out of order.

Come on, where shall we go?

Oh, God!

Do you think this is it, Gavin? I mean, do you think we're going to die in here?

No, no, don't. Well, how could you be so sure?

Because Neville will be in to pack away the meat display products in 45 minutes

and 57 seconds.

Oh. Oh, right.

Good.

Would have been quite romantic, though, wouldn't it?

star -crossed supermarket managers found locked together in a frozen embrace.

I'd still prefer to get out, if at all possible.

I meant to ask you, I wanted you to come in to talk to me about it anyway.

Oh, yes, that.

Right. I, um... I came to say goodbye.

Goodbye? I'm leaving.

You're leaving?

It was only ever a temporary position.

Temporary position?

Sorry, I'll stop that, shall I? Yes, if you would.

There's a new branch opening in Dudley, and I'm booked on the 6 .45 train

tonight. Well, now that calls you, come running.

Oh, come on, Gavin.

Don't pretend you'd be any different if it was Falco. We've always known there

were four people in this relationship.

You. Me.

Falco. Louder. And foursomes are complicated.

They always seem like fun at the time, but the next day always leads to

recriminations and mixed -up underpants. What a pair we are.

Not the underpants people.

I mean, company, through and through.

Do you know, Catherine, that's what I've always loved about you.

And is that what this has been?

Love?

Well, I don't know what else you'd call it.

Is this some kind of con love? I've done this half three times now.

Well, keep looking, cos you're getting very warm.

Oh, you took your time. Sorry. Did you put it in the right place?

I think so, but Gavin's clues are really random. I'm hot when it's cold, but not

when it's not.

I have no idea.

I found it! I found it!

Thank God for that. Hey, well, gather around, everyone. Let's see the prize.

I've won £1 ,965.

That's amazing!

Wowzers, that is amazing.

Too amazing.

It's too late now.

Thank you so much. I can't believe...

Well, at least it's over.

What? Come here, you've got lipstick on you.

Gone now.

Oh, thank you. So, without a complete reconstruction of his last movements,

come to the only possible conclusion.

Gavin Strong is dead. Gavin's not dead, man. He's in the freezer section having

a special meeting with that Cheryl. You know what I'm talking about.

He can't have been in there all day.

We should go see if he's all right.

All dead.

Sorry,

not interrupting, are we? No, no.

No, no, we were just keeping warm.

In a professional manner.

Yes, like penguins. You know, more of a huddle, really, than a kirk huddle.

That's right, isn't it? Because it rhymes.

Oh, General, now, listen, take the envelope.

No, no, no, it's all right, Gavin, I've sorted it. I found the company checkbook

in your office. Oh, good thinking, that man. Yes, I'll replace the £19 in cash

tomorrow. Sorry?

£19? Oh, yes, it was a Valco voucher for £19 .65.

Yeah, Gavin, about that, we may need to talk you through that a bit later on,

but you two should get out of here and get warmed up.

Three at last.

Yes, I suppose you are.

Don't worry, I'm not taking you out for a romantic meal. I'm not going to drop a

ring into a glass of champagne and whip you off to Paris. Yeah, all right. I get

it. Tonight, it's just you, me and a fish pie on the sofa.

Again. Great.

Everything OK?

I just feel a bit deflated, you know. I thought it was the girl he was about to

get proposed to and now I'm not, am I?

Right, and if you were, if I had proposed, what would you have said? You

hypothetically speaking.

Well, obviously I'd have said no. Right.

Then? But now I don't know, now you haven't proposed, I think I might think

differently. Oh, you've lost me now.

Why don't you try it and see?

Really?

Now?

Okay.

Neville?

Linda Bernice Stubbings.

Shush about the Bernice. Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?

Oh, Neville!

Oh, my God, I can't believe it!

No, no, I won't, but thank you so much for asking. That is so lovely.

OK, yes, copy that.

That's a bit embarrassing, but hey -ho, that could work.

Ah, who are you waiting for, you dark horse?

I took your advice.

It's time I found someone new. Moved on.

Oh, Heather, not again.

Hello. Looking for me?

Oh, Heather.

Have you ever had a driving lesson before?

Well, not you.

Oh.

Tinder at work?

I wasn't looking for you, necessarily.

Of course you weren't.

You know, we could just do this the old -fashioned way and talk.

Oh, you're so retro.

I know.

What do you think? Fancy going for a drink?

A drink or a drink -drink?

Just a drink.

OK, yeah.

It's just because I'm not really ready to go for a drink, if you know what I

mean.

Weirdly, I actually do.

One more thing. Do you think we can get changed first? Because I'm not going

anywhere with you dressed like that. What do you mean? I'm super flat.

You're not super flat. I'm super flat.

I guess we'll have to go by then.

I guess it is, yes.

You know, Gavin, it doesn't have to be this way.

I could turn down the job and it would just... stay. What do you think?

Oh, you know what I think.

I think it would make me happier in this entire world.

Oh, Gavin.

But what about work?

Well, I'll quit and I'll just get a job here.

Don't. Please, Cheryl. You're getting on that train to Dudley.

Where you belong.

No, Gavin, no. I don't want to. No, just listen to me. Cheryl, have you any idea

what you've got to look forward to if you stay in Warrington?

Well, you're just saying that to make me go. No, I'm saying this because it's

true. Inside of us, we both know that you belong in Dudley.

And if that louder opens and you're not there, you're going to regress it.

Maybe not today, but more than likely the following day and for some

considerable period of time after that.

But... What about what?

Oh, is that Warrington?

And I've got a job to do here, too, Cheryl.

Hello. I'm not very good at being noble, but... It doesn't take much to see that

the problems of two little people just doesn't add up to a tin of beans in this

crazy business.

Someday you'll understand that.

Well... Goodbye, then.

Gavin,

we're just going to go for drinks if you want to join us.

I won't.

Thanks, Daniel.

Oh, actually, what the heck.

It is our birthday after all, isn't it?

I think I will.