Original subtitles

Heard something.

I think you should just stop that now.

Oh, he keeps on moving it.

Valko! From booze to biscuits.

Red hot dales.

Loads of two for one. Friendly staff, always happy to help. Am I getting paid

for this?

From chub to chops.

Don't forget the Valko tick.

Everyone always gets it wrong, it's definitely that way. Tick.

Tick. Serves you right.

Valko serves you right.

Whatever.

I don't know, sparkling wine.

Don't you think it's a bit flash?

We need to do something. They're hammering us over there. Absolutely,

like stepping into Las Vegas.

I've been to Vegas. It's not.

Anyway, it's just a strategy, you know. We go classy to counteract their low

quality. Yes, that's good, Daniel. I suppose it affects health, and hopefully

it'll be enough to impress Brendan on your eyes.

Brendan O 'Connor. He's coming.

Oh, yeah, he's got himself all worked up about the louder threat.

He's going to want to still do more than an offer on Prosecco.

Oh, Daniel, people like new things, you know? Take rap music, you know?

Everything settles down in the end.

Now, louder could be good for us, and I'm sure that Brendan, you know, he

understands that.

You do remember he's insane.

Yeah, there is that.

Just put out some smoked salmon, you know?

Shoosh it up a bit.

There was no sign of my pa.

There was no sign of nobody.

Just that old saddle.

Really? Your dad was gone?

No, Margaret, for the fifth time. I'm rehearsing here.

Oh, I see.

No, I don't see what you're rehearsing for.

I've got an audition after work. I mean, nothing major, just the local am -dram

company, but with my help, there'll be nothing amateur about it.

And we did a play a couple of years ago. My church put it on. Oh, what play was

that? Seven.

Seven? Yeah, Seven.

An adaptation of the disturbing psychological thriller starring Brad

Yeah. Oh, it were grateful.

There were me and six other women.

And then there were these seven brothers and we married them.

I think you mean Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, the musical.

Oh, I think you might be right.

There were some songs in it.

And at the end, my head was in a box.

I forgot to have breakfast.

Um, so you didn't say your dad was coming today. Does he, um, you know,

about us?

Yes and no.

What? He knows about it, and that he's met her, but he doesn't know we're going

out. So no, then.

He's just a bit funny about boyfriends.

One minute they're there, the next minute they vanish off the face of the

Um, okay, I don't think we should tell him we're seeing each other. Good

thinking, Batman.

Although I will say I'm not very good at lying to him. He always knows when

something's up. Just give it a try.

Okay.

Do you want some cereal?

Um, no.

And you're dripping everywhere.

Lift! Hello, Gavin.

Oh, Mr O 'Connor. God, you almost gave me a heart attack. Good.

Because you need to give yourself a little jolt. Gavin, get over here. Move!

over here! Look at this!

Look!

Another supermarket.

Next to mine.

How could you let this happen?

With all due respect, I'm not sure how I could have stopped them building a

supermarket. It's a war.

And in a war, you do everything that you can.

When I only had one star, Morrison tried to open up opposite me, but I wouldn't

let him do it. Now, I broke in there every morning. I stripped to the waist

I fucked the builders. And eventually, they gave up. I won.

So my question to you, Gavin, is how are you going to win this war?

War? It's a bit strong.

Now, I was thinking that we demolished their building brick by brick. Now, I

you started.

They pulled this out of their wall this morning.

There's really no need to start sealing brick. They're pulling your pants down,

Gavin. They're pulling down your little pants and they're laughing at you.

Could we just leave my pants out of this, please?

No, no.

They are in it deeper than all the rest of us. You know what I'm going to do.

I should go over there, tell them who's boss, just like I did at Morrisons. You

absolutely shouldn't. Yeah, I should.

I'd be like one of those bulls, you know, in Spain.

Run it around, boys!

Butt case!

Mr O 'Connor, just sit down.

Let's take it easy.

You're working yourself up.

Yeah, right.

I should stay here.

Yeah, you.

You whip your shirt off and go over and fight.

Why don't we just have a strategy meeting instead?

Look at that.

It's the hunger of youth. Simple pleasure in a day's work. Shut up,

Look how fast she's going.

She's going to have that done in ten minutes.

Go back when I was a stacker. I'd make a cage like that last me a day.

I can't. I can't watch this. Oi!

Get here.

Come on.

Right, new girl, what's your name? Balco.

No, sorry, Heather, sir. You don't have to call me... Actually, yeah, stick with

sir. Now, Heather, where's the fire?

I don't know.

Think,

Heather, think.

No, Heather, I mean, why are you going so fast?

Oh, I had a really fast song in my head. Shh, shh, shh.

Come on, come here, come to Colin.

Now, Heather, you working so hard makes the rest of us...

Look, rubbish.

You take no notice, Heather. There's nothing wrong with my power.

Just rein it in.

Bring it in, Heather, OK? I'm going to teach you how to do it the right way.

My way.

Wow. Thank you so much for the opportunity.

You don't have to write it down. Just up here.

But if I write it on my head, how will I read it? Oh, Heather.

Power!

What is it, Ma?

It's about your pa. She sits down next to Billy.

Oh, no, you don't need to read that bit.

Oops. Papa, oh, shoot, he ain't taking me riding like he promised, is he? He

ain't riding anywhere no more, Billy, I'm afraid.

You turn the page.

Oh, yeah, there's more.

Billy, I'm afraid your papa's dead.

Oh, that's a shame.

Papa.

How was that? Oh, very good, yeah. I liked the laughing at the end. I didn't

know it were a comedy.

It's not. I was crying.

Well, in that case, you were terrible.

Don't pull any punches, Margaret.

Don't worry.

I know just the thing to get you crying.

Boo!

What are you doing?

Oh, no, that's for hiccups.

Here, milk, six sugars.

Nobody leaves this meeting until we figure out how we're going to fix those

boogers. Let's hope I don't need the toilet.

I've already got that covered.

Oh, hey, babes. How are you?

And, Gavin, how are you, babes?

Charlie, sit down.

You can take the minute.

I won't. Sit next to Daniel, who I hate.

Yeah, all right, rain it in a bit.

There's your rump and your sausages, my love. Now, I've chucked in a couple of

extra and a bone for the dog.

I won't say if you don't.

Ham, do one.

Now, Heather, can you tell me what Neville did wrong?

I thought he was amazing. Thank you, Heather.

What is wrong with you?

Um, I'm not very good at math, I'm not allowed sugar, and I used to start

Right. See, Neville is useless. Look at him, right? All that niceness, waste of

time. And you've got to remember, customers, they're not your friends.

They could be, though, couldn't they?

If we, say, not got many friends in the village, it might be nice to make new

friends. No, they're scum.

Colin, I'm rather worried you might be undoing some very good induction work.

Right, Neville.

If you interrupt my lesson one more time, I will knock you clean out. Right

are. Understood.

See, the best way to do this job, Heather, is to do nothing.

I don't understand.

We're paid to work. If we don't do the job we're paid to do, then that's lying.

Finally, she gets it.

I can't lie.

Mum says lies are bad and paved the path to hell.

Sod your mum.

Yeah. Sod her.

Sod you, Mum. I'm not nine anymore. I want to watch The Apprentice, Mum.

Right. That's it. Now, are you going to do any work?

No way, Summer Bay.

Right. That's more like it. Now, you.

You get out there.

You do nothing.

Yeah. Yeah.

I've got us.

We plant horse meat in their burgers.

And then we inform them about it in mental health.

It worked the last time.

Wait, sorry, the horse meat scandal, that was you?

I fight dirty.

It's a shame, though. I lost a lot of good horses.

Wait, Daddy, is that what happened to Sunflower?

No, no, not at all, look, no.

Well, let's put murdering horses in the maybe pile, shall we? Why?

Have you got something better, you city?

We slashed the price of bread.

Whoa.

Now, I know it's extreme.

Loud as USP that they can undercut us on Staples. Now, we implement this plan,

we're in the driving seat. Yeah, but is it aggressive enough, you know?

I still think I should lay out a few other trolleyboys, you know? I'd really

rather you didn't.

Okay, we do it your way.

I'll leave you to do this.

Oh, yeah.

Wow, it's true then.

You're a juicing bread.

You'd rather believe it.

That's hilarious.

That'll have the customers rolling in.

Oh, very good.

Well, I guess it's war then.

Oh, it's, you know, a bit more friendly rival.

May the best Narn win. Oh, now that, that is splendid.

Yes, very sharp.

Well, I'd better be getting back.

But getting back, I like.

Um, that's not how you take minutes.

Why? What's wrong with them?

You've just made a list. One minute, two minutes, three minutes, all the way

down to 20 minutes.

Yeah, but that's how long the meeting took.

I'll do it from memory later.

You knew it was that way.

You don't scare it just to play it cool.

I'm sitting here.

Anyone got a problem with that?

No. No? Good.

Now, how is my little girl?

Fine. You're lying.

I can see what's going on here.

You've lost your car, haven't you?

Actually, yes, I have. It's okay.

It's okay. We'll get you another one.

Now, are you seeing anyone at the minute?

No. I'm so super single right now.

Great.

Because this bloke... Ask me and he'll ask you out. What?

Some internet billionaire.

He came to me.

I respect that. So I told him I'd ask you. Wow, that's amazing. And a

billionaire, they're like the best.

Charlie, maybe you want to say no?

I don't know, maybe you just feel weird being set up on a date by your dad.

No, you might set it up, Daddy.

I can assure you, Madden, there's plenty of bread of heaven.

Told you, all gone.

I don't understand.

Where's all the bread gone?

Stop this. I'm off to louder.

Get off your phone.

You must remember someone buying 90 loaves of bread.

I don't know.

I tend to sort of zone out on it because I can't be arsed, you know.

Come on, Lisa, think.

Yeah,

I do remember him, actually, because he was fit.

Fitter than Daniel.

I'd much rather have him as deputy manager.

Hey, you should try and swap Daniel for him. Swap him?

You know, with Louder.

Oh, cos he's fit.

Fit. Yeah, yeah, thank you, Lisa. I understand. An attractive man.

I can't believe it. Louder have bought all our bread.

It's against the Geneva Convention.

What? This is an announcement to be sure all Balco customers that we still have

all your favourite staples available.

Everything from milk to egg.

Except bread. But who needs bread anyway?

We've still got pizza breads, sir.

They're laughing at us, Gavin.

They've got our pants down and they are laughing at us over there.

I like to think that one day we'll all laugh at this.

They've got a banner up over there saying, Don't go without a bread.

even selling our bread to their customers.

And I'll tell you something else, Gavin. It's a hell of a lot busier over there

than it is here.

Oh, I managed to get this.

Oh, not more bricks.

I'm trying to do something, Gavin.

But you know what I'd really like to do with these, Gavin?

I'd like to put your balls between them and I'd like to smash them.

Is that what you want?

I really, really do not want you to do that, Mr O 'Connor. Well, then, do

something!

Now, the onion's not working. Let's try the sinus rub again.

Careful, Margaret.

Underneath the eyes.

Underneath.

That's it.

There we go.

You see, I still think that my way's better, because that's just writing up

everyone said.

It's got nothing to do with the minutes.

Yeah, I guess my way's rubbish.

It'd probably be much better if I was some loaded tech guy.

Oh, are you jealous?

That's so cute.

Yeah, of course I'm jealous. You're going on a date with someone else.

Well, what could I do? It's not like Daddy really gave me much choice.

Anyways, it's just one date on a yacht.

But the Kings of Leon play in life.

It's the principle. We shouldn't have to skulk around.

I'm just as good as this millionaire.

Millionaire? It doesn't matter.

You know what? To hell with it.

I'm going to tell your dad about us. I don't really think that's a good idea.

He'll respect the truth.

Yeah, I'm doing it.

Wait.

What was that for?

In case you don't come back.

Oh, hang on, Margaret.

It's working. Look, a tear.

Oh, brilliant.

Now set the line.

Papa.

Again. Sadder.

Papa. Again. Stop hitting me.

Sorry.

Papa.

Ow. Oh, it's stinging. It's burning. Quick, Margaret, get the eye wash.

Oh, they're killing me. Quick.

Is this it? Well, I don't know. I can't see.

Mr. O 'Connor, you might not like this, but Charlie won't be going on that date

because she already has a boyfriend.

Me.

You're saying my little girl?

Yeah.

My daughter?

Yes.

Do you like her?

Yeah, I do.

Are you using protection?

Um...

Yeah? Show me.

Oh, that's not the wrong knot.

Oh, brilliant.

You're still alive.

Well, young David here tells me that you two are seeing each other. Actually,

it's Daniel. Shut up, David!

Sorry, sorry.

David's fine. I can be David. All right, Charlie.

You two are an item.

Yes, Father.

Brilliant!

Couldn't be happier for you.

Really? Oh, God, yeah, yeah. Finally a normal boyfriend.

And not another one of those chindless wonders.

So you're not angry?

Not at all. Look at him. Look at him. Look. Look at those eyes.

And he's athletic, too.

I say you have some punch on your day, son.

Tell you what. Here. Get me in the stomach. Come on, do it. Do it.

I'd rather not.

I respect that so damn much.

And I love him.

Charlie, don't you dare break his heart.

Oh, yes, that's what I like to see. Full cage going back here.

Do you know what, Heather? You're a natural slacker.

Yes, in your face, Mum.

It's great as well, because I've been slacking off so much. I've had loads of

extra time to do all the other jobs Daniel asked for.

What? Yeah, I've reorganised the magazines, done a stock ticket... Wait,

wait. That's work.

Is it?

Yes.

Do you know what? Forget it.

I can't work with you. You are literally untrainable.

Oh.

Can we still be friends?

Mm -mm.

Neville, can we be friends?

Of course, Heather. No.

Keep walking.

Oh.

Easy.

Where's the faster?

Oh.

She is good, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know, I know. He's useless.

Yeah, but you don't worry about him. I know where his parents live if I ever

need to teach him a lesson.

Sorry, were you talking about me? I couldn't help hearing the word parents.

Fifteen percent down on yesterday.

I should have done this my way.

And that way, that place will be up in flames, and this place will be full of

customers. Well, I'd like to think we'd be helping them with their evacuation.

If you might.

I hope you don't mind me popping by, but I heard you were out of bread.

That offer literally flew off the shelves.

Who the hell are you?

Cheryl Fairweather, louder Warrington manager.

Now, Cheryl, that stunt with the bread, it was... Frankly, it was on the hand.

Selling our bread to louder customers is terrorism.

Oh, it's just a pizza rivalry.

You can't bread -punny way out of this, you know. OK, I'm sorry.

Anyway, it wasn't really my idea. I got it from a retail genius,

Brendan O 'Connor.

What? Pancake Day, 1996.

Oh, the egg water.

Yeah, me and Toby Pound from Africa. Oh, an inspirational move.

You made him lower his prices, you bought all his eggs, you sold them at a

profit. Toby never stood a chance, did he?

I crushed him.

And then someone ran him over.

The look on his face.

I'm impressed.

Thank you so much. That's really lovely of you.

Well, if you two are quite finished... Ooh!

I really fancy a snack.

Oh, I love it.

She's eating the bread.

Your bread. Right in your face.

You okay?

Sorry, I just need to...

I'll be off.

Oh, no.

She's a firecracker.

She's amazing.

You know what?

I kind of hope she puts this store out of business.

What? You should be pleased anyway.

I was going to fire you and destroy your house. But now, I want to see how this

fight plays out.

I'm not going to the audition.

Acting's too painful.

Well, they're never happy anyway, these actors.

And they're always being chased by the pepper army.

Paparazzi. Oh.

Really?