Original subtitles

Quit? You guys do quit?

I used to go quite a lot, actually.

My girlfriend wouldn't like it.

And even if she does make the next move, just play it cool.

There's nothing like desperation to put a girl off.

Why don't we go to my room and listen to some music? No, hang on a minute. I

don't think that's a good idea.

Oh, come on, Molly. We're not in Afghanistan.

Change of heart?

All right.

But you'd better be good.

Do you want to come back to my place after work?

Yeah.

I would love to. Ladies and gentlemen, this is huge.

Laurence Duffy is back.

So you'll be back tonight at what?

Ten, hopefully, but who knows?

I'll do my best to stay awake.

It's beautiful.

Oh, OK.

Is that from Casablanca?

Maybe

I

should do the quiz on the blue swan.

What?

If you're going to be out all night.

Yeah, and maybe you could get a new girlfriend.

You're joking, aren't you? Yeah.

You're doing so well, Lauren.

Thank you. Don't backslide now.

I won't. I'm joking. Okay, good news.

Hey, Carol.

Good morning, sir. Knows a lot. She knows a lot. Stop.

This is getting embarrassing.

Okay, I've got one.

What's the first track on the Arctic Monkeys debut album? I don't know that

Sorry. Give him a break, Brian.

He can't know everything about everything.

But I do know that the LP you're referring to is called Whatever People

That's What I'm Not, and that it held the record for most debut albums sold in

week until Susan Boyle came along and smashed it with I Dreamed a Dream.

Declan McManus.

Everybody knows that. I didn't have to look it up.

I'm going to get some tea, Lawrence. Do you want some? Please, lots of milk, no

sugar. Brian, what about you? Not this plantain, it will tank.

I must say, it's nice to have another smart person about the place.

What do you mean, another smart person?

Don't be getting a big head, you.

Pride comes before a fall.

We don't want to jinx tonight, do we?

Tonight? Oh, you mean the quiz?

No, we won't be gone tonight.

I mean, I won't anymore.

Ah, Lawrence, please.

Sorry, George, the answer's no.

Come on. We're about to get very busy around here. Oh, yeah?

Moynihan's furniture factory's in deep trouble.

120 -odd jobs hanging by a thread.

Let's all keep our fingers crossed for the right result.

Robbie, wait. Yeah?

Um... It's been a month.

I'm sorry?

I haven't heard anything about my probation hearing.

Your probation hearing?

Or whatever it's called. I don't know how it works.

There's no hearing, Lawrence. You're grand.

What do you mean, grand?

I mean you're grand.

Probation's over. Congratulations.

With... That's it?

I'm... I'm a full -time employee?

Of course.

You didn't set the place on fire, did you? That's practically the only way to

screw it up.

Well, I'm really worried about it.

Well, that was a waste of time.

Yeah.

You relieved?

Absolutely.

You sure you don't want to do the quiz tonight?

Celebrate? Nah.

It wouldn't make any difference if I begged you.

Things have been a lot easier in Devonsbury, Clarence. You must have

Sorry, Brian.

Did you seem to really enjoy it?

I did.

I did.

Come on.

Must be great to be that good at something.

It is pretty nice, yeah.

It's funny.

When I'm at a quiz and I'm really in the zone, it feels like I don't

actually know these things myself.

But there's a little guy living in my head and he knows everything.

So when a question comes,

I picture him in there, just rummaging through his file.

And if I give him a few crackings, bam!

He comes up with a good, and the words fall out of my mouth, and everybody

at me all impressed, and I shrug like it's no big deal.

But I take that quiz down.

I win the contest.

And, yeah, it feels good.

Hey, how's it going?

Oh, hiya.

Sorry, could you give us two seconds?

In for a haircut?

No. Why do I need one?

Oh, could take years off you and make you look 34 again.

Nice, sharp, a little cruel, but... Listen, do you fancy doing something

on?

Actually, speaking of aid, it's my birthday on Thursday.

Really?

Twenty... Five, and not happy about it. Yeah, you're really not going on all

right. So, have you any plans?

Yeah, I was going to do drinks around my place tonight because it's my day off

tomorrow. If you want to do that... We could do better than drinks, surely?

Oh, what do you have in mind?

I don't know. I'll think of something.

OK, cool.

Nice for you to meet the gang properly.

Yeah? OK.

Look forward to it? Yeah.

All right.

See you later. Bye.

Come closer. You can't see anything back there. Compound fracture of the right

tibia. Have you ever seen one before?

Pretty sure I haven't. I think I'd remember. You hold his head.

You see how white the bone is.

All of the surprise to first -timers.

Oh, yeah, look at that.

Crazy.

How's it going? Good, eh?

OK. Our PE teacher sprained her ankle and cried in front of everyone, which I

enjoyed. Badly.

I'm going to get a Chinese.

What do you think?

Oh, I'm off to the movies with Roger.

In fact, I'm out here.

Oh, well, enjoy.

Give them my best.

You're in a very good mood.

Did Abba get back together?

I was going to tell your mother first, but if you must know, my probation

period's up. It's over. I did it.

I'm a full -time employee.

I can come clean. You're messing.

I'm not messing. I'm going to tell her as soon as she gets in tonight.

And you said it couldn't be done.

A written apology would be fine, but verbal is okay if you're stuck for...

time.

Ni hao ma.

I just wanted to say, you did very well back there.

Keep it up.

Thanks, Charlie.

I'm in shock here. I just got an actual compliment from Charlie. Yeah?

Told you it was only a matter of time. It's all about your reaction to gore,

isn't it? He should go with a whole hog and do a blooding ritual.

Hey, Lawrence, it's Brian.

I'm at the quiz with George and Tina.

Starting in a few minutes.

Yeah?

No, man, I shouldn't.

We can really do with your help.

We can hear the difference for you first.

Let's face it, somebody near laughs.

Sorry, Brian.

I just can't. All right. For sure.

See you tomorrow.

Molly, hi, listen.

I'm just meeting Adam for a pint or two. I just wanted to let you know I'm

catching it home before me. Okay, grand.

I'll be done in a couple of hours by a disaster.

Listen, don't go to bed right away, will you? I've got something I want to talk

to you about.

Oh, intriguing.

Hey, I'm all about the intrigue, you know me.

Okay, bye.

Question four.

Name the island where Napoleon Bonaparte died.

Uh, Mithridonia.

Corsica. Beat that. And Helena.

Oh, thank God. Lawrence, the legend.

I knew you wouldn't let us down. This is what I do, Brian.

Do you want to double -check the first three questions?

Yeah. You'd be surprised if the answer to number one was a blank space.

Who missed that one, George?

We were going to come back to it later.

Well, now you don't have to.

I'm only medicine. It's all good.

Oh.

Where's Tara? Is she around tonight?

Yeah, she's doing her pub quiz thingy, but she'll be around later on. This is

almost done. Are they en route? Yeah, they're in a taxi.

This is great, Ruth.

I thought we'd be getting a big bowl of crisps if we were lucky. Yeah, great.

I had a pizza before I left. Sorry.

Now, why did you have to go and do that, Danny?

I didn't know we were eating. I thought it was just drinks.

Don't mind him.

Yeah, just get some glasses and beer.

Yes.

Everyone, this is Adam, our chef for the evening.

Adam, this is Janet, Nick, Katrina and Danny. Hi, Pop.

Hey, how's it going? Hello, all. You hired a chef.

Wow, impressive.

No, I'm Ruth's boyfriend.

I won't be eating right away, Adam. I had some before I came out.

Listen,

I'm just going to go and...

Question number six.

Who is the author of the 1969 novel The French Lieutenant's Woman?

So what, none of you are even going to hazard a gap?

Are you serious?

Is that your dad?

George Orwell.

Do you know this?

Of course I know it.

Just trying to get you guys on board, yeah?

Think it'd be fun for all of us. Maybe.

Okay, I'll give you a clue.

First name?

John Grisham.

You think John Grisham?

wrote the French lieutenant's woman.

I do, yeah.

I can't do anything with that, Tina.

Okay, Lark.

Bye, Lark.

John Fowles.

John Fowles.

Come on, team, bit of effort, please.

We're all in it to win it, yeah?

Oh, yeah, of course.

John Fowles.

It's all coming back to me now.

And the worst part is that my dad called it all the way.

All the way.

And the moment I signed the application for him, he was like...

Our history.

What's wrong with you? Where the hell are you going to find a job as an art

historian? Channel 4.

Channel 4?

I'm sorry, that's not the worst part. The worst part is that I hadn't even got

to the end of first year before I started... What are you doing, you

Nick, are you okay? Nick, question seven.

Which cricketer scored the most test runs for England? Cricket.

Tara, since when have there been questions about cricket?

Now, my fault.

I just read what's in your notes.

Cricket's not as unpopular here as it used to be. Oh, so you know the answer,

then, do you?

Well, no, I'm just saying... Hey, now, in a quiz environment, if you don't know

the answer, it's best to maintain radio silence.

OK? What about your man?

Yeah.

Both of them.

Are you just naming cricketers, you know? I am.

Super.

I'm all right now, I think.

Honestly. Really, honestly, seriously, look.

Cancel the ambulance, please.

Oh, no, I don't want to. It's just for safety.

It probably wasn't a heart attack.

Have you ever had a panic attack before, Nick? He said it was his heart. Were

you not listening?

Yeah, I know, but then he got up and walked in here.

It's just I read somewhere that if you think you're having a heart attack, then

get up and walk around, and if you can, then you aren't.

It's true, but what am I supposed to say to them?

Just tell them the truth. They won't wait.

Evening, gents. Through this way.

Evening. Hiya.

Everyone.

Nick, is it?

That's me.

Just have a quick look at your eyes. How much alcohol have you had tonight?

Some beer, a lot of whiskey.

Adam. Yeah?

How's he meeting you here?

Any drugs?

No. Are you on any medication?

You babysitting? Because you're not doing a very good job.

I think he just had a panic attack.

He smokes an ungodly amount of weed and a lot of booze on top of it, so... Well,

Matt and Charlie will get it sorted.

Do you know I could have sworn last that he was meeting you for a pint tonight?

No. No?

No.

I don't think so.

It's not my idea of a nice holiday. I'm not saying I want to sit on a beach with

a Tom Clancy. I wouldn't like that either. But I definitely do not like the

sound of the word trek. It sounds hot and tiring and just saying it out loud

makes me feel itchy.

Sorry, Matt. I'm all over the place time -wise. This is Tuesday, isn't it?

Yeah.

Charlie, would it be okay if I didn't go back to bed? Can you just drop me in

town? No problem.

Thank you.

Night, Molly.

A lead like this, in my experience, is pretty much unavailable.

There's psychology at play here.

Is that right?

Yeah. Once people think their team has no chance of winning, they lose focus.

And focus is... key.

It's the third thing you said is the key. It can't all be the key.

But obviously, Tina, there's a bunch of keys.

Molly, hi.

Adam's not here.

Yeah, I know. I met him.

Just sitting in on the quiz.

See that?

Hi, I'm Molly.

Tina, George, Brian, girlfriend.

Same again? Molly, do you want to give me a hand?

No. Ah, she's got.

This is the last time, I swear.

The last time? How many other times have there been?

Just two.

Two? Including this one. So where did he find you lot, then? Work.

Work?

You work in the video shop?

All of you?

Nutcracker Finance.

We work in Nutcracker Finance.

No, the video shop.

Lawrence works in the video shop.

The flick of that?

If that play's not shut down.

Yeah.

Yeah,

it is.

When did that happen?

When did that happen?

Four weeks ago.

Molly.

Molly. Don't touch me. If you give me a chance, I'd explain.

Look, I know I've been... What?

Lying through your teeth all day, every day. I did it for you. What?

Honestly.

You've been under so much pressure.

I didn't want to stress you. Oh, well...

Good going. I've never felt more relaxed. Well, obviously it hasn't

perfectly, but I said I'm sorry.

No, you didn't.

Well, I am.

Week. This is going on for a week. And now what? You've got another job.

In finance.

Finance! I didn't tell you because it wasn't definite.

Okay? And do you know what the real killer is?

Hi, guys.

Good night. Safe on path.

What? It was made definite today.

It's what's done for it. It's grand.

Oh, grand.

What are you talking about? Molly.

I don't even know where to begin. Look, this hasn't exactly been fun for me

either.

I lost my job, which I loved.

And I'm fine, by the way. Thanks for asking.

Oh, my God. You're looking for sympathy.

He's looking for sympathy.

Molly, don't be getting hysterical.

You're hot.

Molly?

Molly?

Brilliant. That idiot I ordered's arrived.

You have to go home.

You have to go home and fix this right now.

You didn't see her.

She wasn't listening to reason.

The mood she's in, she's liable to dump me the fact and she lives out on me.

Sorry. Do you even want one of these?

Yeah, a small one.

When are you going to go home?

It was all over. That's what killed me.

Probation, the whole business.

Is this what you told Molly?

Yeah, why?

Because what does it matter when she caught you lying?

That's mad. That's exactly what she said.

Of course that's what she said.

Go home and sort this out right now.

No.

I think I'll hang back for a while, maybe.

Let her sort her head out. Yeah.

Yeah, no, you're absolutely right.

You should just avoid her for the rest of your life. Do me a favour and drop

sarcasm. I told you from the start this would end in tears.

Well, congratulations. When the dust settles, I'll get you a present.

Thanks for the warning. Something small, maybe a tie.

Just do the grown -ups thing, will you? Quick, I'm off from you.

Meaning what?

Meaning what do you know about how grown -ups do things?

Sorry?

You've spent your whole life going from one casual shag to another.

Yeah?

And now that you've... overfished the pond.

Finished that sentence?

When it comes to women, you don't have the tiniest clue what you're talking

about.