Original subtitles

It's none of my business.

But you really shouldn't walk about like that in front of Kathy.

Molly, I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out for a drink with

Sometimes.

Lawrence, I just wanted to know that. I wasn't blowing smoke when I said I

wanted us to be friends.

I know people say that for the sake of it, but I really meant it. Okay, good.

Beth. That wasn't so bad, was it?

You do not know what he's like. He'll never speak to me again.

Adam won't be joining us.

Really? Why not?

He is indisposed.

Oh.

No prizes for guessing what that means.

I know we've had our differences, but I'm asking you now as a favour, if we

the usual share of no -hubbers, next week, they'll be worthy of me.

Please, I'm begging you.

Please.

You're on.

We'll be back, and we'll win.

No, you won't.

Listen, we were just passing by. We thought we'd pop in.

Yeah.

Is your phone on the fritz? Because I left you a few messages.

I've been busy.

Yeah, it's just... I did say on the voicemail, I am really sorry about the

To Scronia, by the way. We've met.

Hello again.

Actually, Adam and Vlad, you're here. You saved me coming looking for you.

Are you going to fire me from the team?

No, seriously.

Oh, look.

Stuffed thing.

Brilliant.

I'm on it.

I'm on it. Don't worry. Yeah, well, you probably know most of it already.

That doesn't hurt to brush up.

So what, wait a minute, you're going to learn all this?

For a quiz?

Yeah.

Oh, by heart.

Wow.

Wow.

We should go.

And I will get right on this.

No, you won't.

Kathy. Oh, hi, Lawrence.

Do you want a drink? No, thanks. I'm in a rush. I left the shop unattended.

Adam isn't here. Oh, yeah, I know he isn't. I just left him with his new

girlfriend. Oh, right.

He didn't say when he was coming in, did he? We were supposed to be having a

meeting now.

No, I think they're going back to Heathcote, for a fact.

He said that?

Well, no, he didn't say the such, but that was the impression.

She's something else you want, isn't she?

Good going even for Adam. Nice.

You don't have to call her. Only word for it.

Anyway.

What's this?

Martin's Aunt Ritter's and Shakespeare's plays.

Ah,

there he is.

With tea in the pot, son?

No, I'm grand.

Straight home from work?

Not out tromancing tonight?

What? Uh, no.

Declan was on the phone earlier.

Couldn't help but tell him you're doing a steady line.

Doing a... What am I, taking my best gal out for a malted milkshake?

He was delighted, of course.

He wanted to know all about her. I told him we'd barely met the girl, but you

see...

I may have accidentally given you the impression that there's more going on

Molly than there really is.

What do you mean?

You said she was your girlfriend.

No, I said I met someone.

Met. That's all.

But you had good meeting.

I met Marion Finucane one time, but it doesn't mean your mother should pack her

stuff. No, Paddy. Don't know Paddy me.

He told us a lie.

What the hell's wrong with you, Lawrence?

What am I going to tell Declan?

I don't know.

I think I'll hit the sack. I've got some reading I want to prepare.

Oh, for the quiz, is it? Yeah. Good idea.

Because that's important.

You know the problem with afternoon facts is that you just do not want to do

anything for the rest of the day.

Really? I'm the opposite. I'm raring to go.

Hey.

Why don't we just chill out here for the day?

Sounds nice.

Oh, how far have we got with my book?

Just about a third, I'd say.

There are an awful lot of notes there.

Looks like a stupid kid's homework.

There are comments and corrections on every page.

I wouldn't say every page.

What does this mean?

Scenes too similar to Bridget Jones's diary.

What scene in Bridget Jones's diary?

It's more the way that Bridget uses her diary in the film.

Can't even remember.

You said you're only a third of the way through, but there are notes right at

the end here.

Yeah, I am.

Adam?

Did you give this to someone else to read?

Yes, I did.

But only... Don't believe it. After I expressly told you to keep it to

I was only trying to get you the best advice possible.

Who was this?

Kathy. From work. She reads a lot of fiction.

Oh, come on, Grainne. It's no big deal. She must have had a right old laugh at

how crappy it was. No, no, she didn't, actually. She wrote nearly as much as I

did. Well, he did say you wanted total honesty. Yeah, I wanted honesty, not a

teardown of every other line.

All right, I get it.

So this was just a literary version of does my bum look big in this?

This wasn't a real question. You were just giving me a chance to pay your

compliments. Look, if all you wanted was for me to say how great it was, then

why did you not just say that from the start? Like I could have handled that on

my own, no problem.

Hey, don't be a smartass, Adam. It doesn't suit you.

And B, none of this accused the fact that I wanted input from you, not some

random hanger -on. Yeah, but I don't read a lot of fiction. I told you that

the time.

Kathy does, so I just thought she'd be a better bet.

Look, please, serve her as a hanger -on. Look, I've known her for a long time.

I've only known you for, like, ten minutes.

Come on, Gran, you don't... Stop talking, I'm coming.

Well, I'll call you later.

We need a Kathy to do it for us.

Hello? Hi, Molly, Laurence. Oh, hi.

I'm outside now. Okay, yeah, yeah, come on.

Laurence is here.

Cool.

Hi. Come on in.

Sorry about the mess.

You wouldn't believe the amount of washing I had built up. No problem.

Hi, Aisling.

Mum said if I saw you, I should tell you that we've been working really hard on

your list.

If you don't mind me saying so, that doesn't sound very convincing. Sorry,

Lawrence. I just couldn't get around to it. Forget about it.

That's why I'm here, to tell you to forget about it. Don't you want to win

quiz anyway?

Oh, I do.

I really do. But I've been thinking about it and asking people to learn off

lists.

Seems a bit much.

I mean, just because I'm obsessed doesn't mean everybody else has to be.

Are you feeling OK, Lawrence?

A bit sensitive, maybe.

Would you like some dinner?

Are you sure? If it's no trouble, that'd be lovely.

Simpsons is on soon.

Yeah? It's my favourite thing in the belly.

Yeah, mine too.

It's the longest running sitcom in the world.

Ashley, I'm impressed.

Where did you learn that?

Mum told me.

Mum knows everything about The Simpsons. Oh, I bet I know more.

I bet you don't. Well, that sounds like a challenge.

Hit me.

What was the name of Bart's pet elephant?

If you're not even going to try.

You don't know, do you?

Stumpy. I can see I'm going to have to step it up a notch.

In the ludicrously ill -conceived episode The Principal and the Pauper,

revealed to be Seymour Skinner's real name?

Armand Tamzerian. Do you want some wine? Do me.

I have to make a question.

Let me see.

Who... No.

What did Flanders name the theme park that he built to honour his dead wife?

Praiseland. Who was the owner of the Globex Corporation for whom Homer

worked?

How fun, I'm not sure.

Ah, thanks, Scorpio. Why did the settlers of Shelbyville split off from

settlers of Springfield? Because they wanted to marry their cousins.

And why did they want to marry their cousins? Because they're so attractive.

Hi,

guys.

We were about to send out the St.

Bernard's and Brandy. That's a mess. Never happened. It was in QI.

Hello. Hey.

Where were you? We were starting to think you weren't coming.

Just took my time.

Wanted to save him a big moment.

Oh, Lord, I see the Bradys are here.

Yep. Come off to the bar, anyone?

No, thanks.

Just a cup, please. You're knocking the back tonight. Are you okay?

Oh, I have one mother already, Kathy, and not need another.

Who are the Bradys?

Intellectuals. Donny and Marie, they were homeschooled. That's them having a

great crack. Really see them in the news. Hello.

Hello. So, did you get a part in Take a Stab?

No, I did not.

Morons. Oh, but I shifted one of the producer's nephews, so who knows who

might lead.

Oh, big night tonight?

52 in a row, huh?

Yeah. Well, best of luck. Thanks, Sarah.

Good luck with shifting your way to the talk. Oh, cheers.

No.

Thanks. I suppose I should go and say hello to the opposition.

Hello, all. Feeling confident?

Of course.

Tony gave off a rousing team talk.

He has me all worked up.

It's terrible when your team leader takes it so fiercely, isn't it? That's

coming from you.

Hypocrite. Yeah, indeed, peanut. I was making use of the rhetorical technique

known as irony. Anyway, I just wanted to say hello, and I hope you lose by a

long way. Likewise.

Have we all got answer sheets and pens and brains?

Adam, stop.

Okay, then.

Question one.

Which English band had a hit in 2004 with the song Everybody's Changing?

Yeah. Okay.

Question two.

In which year was the Battle of the Alamo?

Crap, I don't know this.

That would be the year of our Lord, 1836.

Oh, I think we just shot into the lead.

It's the halfway point.

It's flying by.

So many military questions.

I didn't have that damn peanut.

Lads, lads, we're three points behind, OK? It's not on.

Can you please just get it together for me?

Tell us, Lawrence, what happens if you do win tonight?

What? Are they going to throw you a parade or something?

Are you going to go for two years in a row, three? Like, where does it end?

Let's just get this one out of the way first.

No, I'm really asking you.

Lawrence isn't very good at questions with answers.

But he can look up.

Oh.

What's wrong with you?

On you, don't me.

Oh.

That's terrible.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Over the phone, too.

Not even over the phone. Text.

Coming up with a little something we'd like to call round six.

I've never been dumped before.

Not once.

Because, you know, I'm such a hot shot. Here's an idea.

Let's talk about it later.

Question one. In the film Usual Suspect, what nationality is the villain Kieser

Söder? Sweet.

No, Turkish.

You sure? Yeah. Okay. Just like that. You're changing it. On a movie question.

I thought it may have been a thing.

You know, a serious thing, me and her.

Nope.

I'm going to go and get some air.

What? What are you talking about?

Question two.

Which American general... Ah, Tara, for the love of God.

Which American general took control of Japan after its surrender in World War

II? What? Is this some sort of joke? Maybe I should go after him.

Don't you dare leave.

I'm sorry. I won't be long, I promise.

It's the little MacArthur.

Adam!

Let's go back inside, Kathy. Lawrence will have to... I'll go in in a minute.

So?

Have you really never been dumped?

Nuh -uh.

It's crap, isn't it?

Yeah.

Still, you weren't long getting the hang of it.

My own wasn't the first pub I visited this evening.

I see.

Do you want to talk about it?

What's there to say?

Hmm?

John A. Costolo, right?

Um... No, it must be because from 1932 it went De Valera, Costolo, De Valera,

Costolo, De Valera.

And De Valera was definitely there during the war, so... Yeah, put Costolo.

OK? Yeah, do it.

You do it.

I'm the boss now, am I?

John A.

I just thought there was a little spark there, that's all.

You'll bounce back.

Some lucky gal won't know what hit her.

Thanks, Kathy.

I don't think I could survive without you.

Oh, you get by.

I have a funny feeling it's Lab O .M. You sure?

Sure, I've got a feeling.

I'm going to put love on him, Don.

Have I ever stood you up?

Right.

He probably should have back in. It's nearly over by now.

Adam.

Really? I thought you... And he poured in a storm, is that it?

No, honestly, if I misunderstood, I thought... Who was that?

Good old Cathy. She ain't great, but she'll do till I get my swing back. No,

Cathy. Oh, go on home, for God's sake.

Just go. Put yourself in a taxi and clear off.

I'm sorry.

Look, I'm obviously not thinking straight.

Go!

The quiz went well, thanks.

Lawrence, sorry, I apologise.

How did you go well, really?

We're about to find out, aren't we?

OK, folks, here are the votes of the Swedish jury.

Lawrence, are you ready for this?

In third place, with 81 points... It's a really good... Third.

Might as well be last.

In second place...

We have no second place.

What does that mean?

We have a tie for first. The team with no name in the sports board.

Cool. What do you mean, cool?

Joint first. We won.

You did it.

Joint first is not first.

Tie break. Tara, we need a tie break. Don't you worry. We have one.

This is exciting, isn't it?

Now, are both teams ready?

Yes. What have we got to get ready for? For God's sake.

Okay, then.

Here we go.

What is the name...

Of Oscar Wilde's only novel.

The portrait of Dorian Gray, right?

Picture. Picture of Dorian Gray.

Is it? Yep.

Picture.

Thanks, Kathy.

Okay.

That would have been disalloyed.

Lawrence, wait.

No, it's right.

Wait.

Why? Why are you not sure?

Don't write anything.

What?

Please.

I'm not sure.

You can't keep going on like this, Lawrence.

You have to make a change sometime.

So here's a question for you.

Why not now?

I need answers, Mark, please.

What will Dan do, you see?

Don?

Don?

Sorry,

I don't know.

Really?

We don't know.

No offense.

But even I know this one.

And we have a result! The answer is the picture of Dorian Gray on the winners of

the Spice Boys!

I

can't

ask you, madame.

You're drunk.

That's some excuse, anyway.

I've sobered up a lot in the last few months, believe me.

The same again?

I'll have a beer, please.

So,

tell me,

how come you never have made a pass at me before?

our professional relationship.

Look, this is probably not the right time.

I'm almost certainly going to be buying another pub.

And if I do, I'll need a manager here.

And I was planning on asking you.

I suppose we've ruined that night.

Like, I mean, there's no chance you'd even consider it.

Yes, sir? I would... I will...

consider it.

Thank you.

That's 480.

Oh, right.

No, no, that's...

How do you feel?

Relieved.

Good.

Frank?

No, I've got to go.

Do you want to walk me home?

Yeah.

You said last week. You said we really had to try you. Yeah, I did.

And you won Fern Square, so don't feel bad.

Well done.

Honestly, well done.

That was some epic run you had in fairness.

Yeah, it was.

Can I buy you a drink at least? No, thanks.

We're just leaving.

Tell the others the same. Congrats.

All right.

Good night, Adam.

Oh, good night.

Sorry, are we okay?

Yeah, yeah, we're fine.

Call you tomorrow.