Original subtitles

That's where the Twin Towers were.

We should go see it.

You guys speak English?

Not some too much.

The address is in the bag.

134 Deweunter Terrace, Brooklyn

That's in New York.

There's a map.

Dump it all after you memorize it.

The man you're gonna pop' is very cautious,

usually has protection.

Guy with a long horse face,

in good shape.

The fish

have been cleaned.

You can drop them where you do it.

Where'd you learn to speak Italian?

I came over with my parents

when I was two.

You were born in Italy?

Where?

I just wanna say

it's been a while since we opened the books

and in regards to you guys...

Burt, Gerry...

as a man of few words, I...

Not few enough, though, huh? New blood.

- New blood. - Salut.

Sure, we break some balls here tonight,

but I go way back.

And in light of recent humiliations,

it's a honor to be joined by men

and not faggot-ass corn-holing cocksuckers

like married my cousin.

- He should fuckin' die! - Phil, relax.

- Whoa whoa whoa, Phil. - Take it easy.

Phil, you know the wine makes you emotional.

Because I got an empty fuckin' stomach.

- So have a breadstick. - 45 minutes for some grilled eggplant?

Jesus Christ, is there nothing without this complaining?

You didn't notice? Artie's game is a little off lately.

Well, Carmela sent her branzino back Sunday night,

but she loves to do that.

Gentlemen, how's everything so far?

- Fantastic. - Delicious.

The delay... a thousand pardons.

I'm breaking in a new guy on the line.

You seem set for antipasto.

I gotta be honest... new guy in the kitchen aside,

I mean, how come we're waiting? It seems empty out there.

People like to get in that last barbecue.

Artie, you been to this "Da Giovanni" up by Troy Hills?

- No, I haven't been. - Supposed to be incredible.

- He's a kid, right? - I hate fish,

but his, with the agrodolce...

I'll check it out.

- Ah, buon appetito. - About time.

Fuckin' Phil. Some display, huh?

Paid a visit to Vito's goomar, Jill.

She still hasn't heard from Vito.

We were just discussin' "La Cage aux Fat."

I was gonna get my cousin Tommy to call his detective friend.

I've been hamstrung with that work stoppage at the office park.

Vito shows up... he shows up, then we deal with him. If not...

It's just a phone call. And seriously,

Tommy says the guy can track somebody from the corn in his shit.

Yeah, I saw them do that on "CSI."

- Good night. - Bye, Sack.

- Bye now. - Good night, kid.

Hey, I was glad to hear you say that about the search,

'cause I gotta take a little time off for some business in Cali.

Little Carmine's lined up a meet in L.A. for us.

So, what is it, business or time off?

Time off from here, but definite business.

With Ben Kingsley, Ton'.

So you're gonna go get an autograph

on the weekend of the Notre Dame-Michigan game?

I got my guys all over it. Little Carmine says

if we attach Ben Kingsley, the picture's a go.

Little Carmine?

It's common knowledge the guy's retarded.

I don't get it. You agreed to this in the hospital.

Christopher, I was in a coma.

Okay, fine. I'll call Little Carmine,

call the airline, cancel.

I'll probably still reach someone.

What am I gonna do with you?

Make a lot of money.

All right.

What the fuck is this idiot doing?

No speak English.

...Brooklyn.

Ho, pal. Move your car. We're late.

Move el automobile.

Rusty! Don't forget to call Marissa.

Hurry up. Let me see.

- Museum... - Eastern Parkway.

Eastern Parkway, not the Belt Parkway.

So I'm trying to eject the DVD and the kids are freaking,

"What's wrong with that lady, Daddy?"

- And Carrie says... - How's the scaloppine?

Uh, it's delicious. Thanks.

It all depends on slicing the veal very thin.

My way...

I like to chill it down a degree or two

and then I pull a straight razor right across it.

Your father could cook.

He told me when you were in here last. 75th birthday, right?

- In the navy. - What's that?

In the navy, he cooked.

Terrific guy. Great head of hair.

- You enjoy. - Mmm.

Save room. I'll be back with dessert specials.

Ho, Benny, Moe and Jack.

How's the bruschett'?

You got a quorum. Let me get you a table.

You guys go ahead. I'm gonna stay right here.

My best customer, but he's nailed to this fuckin' spot.

It's either the wine or the view.

Such a sweet kid.

You know, she told Charmaine that back in Albania

her whole family got blown up

waiting on line for an oil change.

The shit she's been through, we just had to help.

I even called in a favor with my cousin in Manhattan,

got her a working visa, started on the green card.

Martina, come do some hosting.

- Hi. - Hi.

What's up?

This is your cheering section over here.

- Hello, Benny. - You got the reservations squared away?

It's very few right now.

Football season.

I could watch her walk away all night.

Good, 'cause like most girls with you, that's what she's gonna do.

Ah, to be young and single again like these two,

- huh, Benito? - Ahh.

I can put the credit card numbers on actual plastic

for an extra five bills.

We do Internet strictly.

Mmm, the gnocchi!

I'll take your word. It's a little too rich for my stomach.

It's okay. Just a bite.

I think it's a lamb ragu

with just a scoop of cold rigott'.

Holy shit.

It's all so fresh. That fish with pistachios?

I feel like a traitor.

Vesuvio, lately, it's depressing somehow.

Maybe they need to remodel or something. I don't know.

That menu is so tired.

- Hey, Homo Junior! - Leave me the fuck alone!

Get... stop it! Mom, they're hurting Vito!

- Stop it! - Where are your parents?

I guess she can't hide her face at home.

It'd be like admitting there was something wrong.

I should have brought a pair of sweatpants

to change into. I'm gonna explode.

Apparently, there is still a veal loin

yet to be unveiled.

Please, don't get up.

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

That kid, I'm tellin' you...

- Thank you. - ...he was so handsome in that church.

The name he took, "Francis"... after my pop.

No restaurants in Brooklyn? You gotta come all the way to Jersey?

This food... it's worth a detour. Why? Is there a problem?

Artie's a friend of mine, you know? I like to throw him some business.

Talk to you a minute?

Visited with John.

He said to tell you he appreciates the recent headlines.

Rusty.

I don't know what you're talkin' about.

I turned him down on that.

Madonn', you're a cautious man.

You know, some people might feel a little offended.

Me... my heart is an open book.

Anyway, Rusty's gone

and we'll chalk it up to the headless horseman.

Giovanni.

Bravo!

Martina was just tellin' me

that in Montenegro I'd be the tallest guy.

Another fun fact from the Balkans.

Ben, are you up for dessert?

No, I'm all set here. Thanks.

Martina, sweetheart,

can I talk to you for a second?

What is it, Artie?

You're looking at me very serious.

You remember I had that friend in Manhattan

that was gonna help speed you through the green card process?

Apparently, it's not happening.

- Why? - Too much on his plate, he said.

I guess you're just gonna have to do it yourself. I'm sorry.

All those forms. Shit me.

I wish I could help you, but really,

it's a small inconvenience compared to living in freedom, right?

Yes, I know this.

Get him another 'buca.

Hey, Tony.

You could fuck her, you know?

Well...

I'm not 100% in that department,

but I'm startin' to feel the old pressure.

It's funny, 'cause guys like me, we come here,

we get drunk and stare.

Best-case scenario, we go in the back room, we get a lap dance

a dry hump and pfft... blow in our pants.

Listen, you wanna fuck her so bad, I'm sure it could be worked out.

Nah, I couldn't.

But you...

Well, what do you want me to say?

Nothing. It's just a fact.

If I knew you were gonna be in such a pissy mood...

Gabriella Dante and Rosalie Aprile came in for lunch yesterday.

So what, you wanna fuck one of them now?

No.

Gab said you all went and had a meal at Da Giovanni on Sunday.

Well, I was gonna tell you.

It was Phil's grandson's confirmation. It's a pain in the ass.

What are you gonna do? You gotta eat.

It's nothing' special, believe me.

Actually, Carm got a little sick after. Too much oil, she thought.

Gab said I should check it out,

like I could learn something.

Well, she runs her mouth, that one.

Fuck her.

Carm got sick. Nice touch.

It was a business obligation, Artie.

Uh-oh. Last time I heard that, I had to call the fire department.

Well, maybe you need another fresh start to fuck up.

I should go.

- Oh, come on, come on. - No.

- I'm sorry. Have another one, come on. - Forget it.

I know where your heart is.

I gotta plan the menu for tomorrow.

Fasanella, my old man's a meat guy.

He said that the restaurant business was like keeping an elephant.

It costs a fortune and sooner or later it shits on your head.

I miss him.

Hector had to trim three inches off the fiorentinas.

Great. We can't even get the good meat anymore.

Fucking Western Beef is leaving us for dead.

I wanted you to call their guy, but you were on the floor

talking to the Cohens' mother-in-law.

You can't deal with the Western Beef guy yourself,

my blushing flower?

It's not the same from me.

And Arthur,

the chatting

with the guests...

Again, that's it.

It's not Hector or the meat or these assholes

that are always looking for the next hot thing. It's me.

Limit it to a quick visit at coffee.

People wanna talk to each other, not you.

Really? You know better than New Jersey Zagat...

"Arthur Bucco, warm and convivial host"?

Yeah, we're here right now.

Sure, the broad strokes. Perfect.

Kingsley's agent says we grab lunch tomorrow, poolside.

- That guy, Jay? - Yeah, I got him out of some trouble

on a party yacht down in the Keys.

Ben Kingsley, can he do a New Jersey accent?

Welcome to the Viceroy.

I usually send the bags up, hit the bar,

decompress a little, unless you're against it.

- What are you talking about? - You're in AA.

You gave the stewardess an earful when she put down the champagne.

I just don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable.

Relax. I can deal with it.

Be careful with this wine,

because the way you two are looking at each other,

pretty soon we're gonna have to...

put a high chair right here.

Did you clip the daily-special cards to all the menus?

Hey, Artie,

come here.

You ready to order?

Why you kicking her ass like that?

If you're referring to the fact that she's my employee

and I'm telling her what to do, last time I checked, that's the way it works.

She thinks you want her to cry. I said not true.

She told you that?

'Cause you two talk all the time.

- Yeah. So what? - So, maybe you should hire her.

I know how to treat people.

- You're a people person, obviously. - I am.

And when they're good to me, they get treats.

And when they're not, well, I got this severance thing I do.

It's a complete break, actually.

I get it.

See, 'cause you talked around that threat so much, I almost missed it.

Sorry to interrupt you guys,

but, Arthur, you have to plate the salmon.

Arthur, the kid is a hood, okay?

If he feels protective of his girlfriend,

you should just leave it alone.

She's a slow learner.

She's a nice girl, and as predicted,

the customers love her

with her little stories from the old country.

You are just picking on her.

It's disgusting. He's a married man.

So it's 500 for the hour, 300 for half.

And if you wanna keep skiing, that's extra.

All right, Eden, how's about 400 for 40

and four more lines and then we'll take it from there?

That'll work.

Fuckin'-a.

Those are some amazing tits.

Thank you, sweetie.

Carlo's running late. Route 23, they think there's a sniper.

Listen, the other night...

it's this place. You know, the rope's

a little tight at my collar.

Down 40% from last year.

- You need a little help? - From you? God no.

Oh, there's the gratitude I was looking for.

No, I mean I'm not at that point, thank God.

But thank you.

Well, listen, the other day I was driving along

and I was thinking about your little problem.

How about a little promotion? A coupon, two-for-one?

Two-fers, wow.

You mean, like you get a free spaghetti and meatballs

if you bring another cheap gomer douchebag in here?

How about an early-bird special? Salad wagon?

This is a fine dining establishment. I'll give it back to the bank

before I turn it into a fucking IHOP.

Just send the waiter over here.

You wanna help me so badly? Try paying your tab.

- Excuse me? - That little roast

you and the waste management people threw for Dick Barone when he got sick...

40 fucking garbagemen from around the country.

Of course you paid Pat Cooper.

You paid the entertainment.

Afternoon. We're looking for Arthur Bucco.

- That's me. - Dave Kloski. This is Jim Hollings.

American Express? Funny, I had you two for cops.

In a past life. Actually we're here to investigate

some recent irregularities in charge activity here at Nuevo Vesuvio.

"Nuovo." Irregularities?

Well, there is credit card fraud going on in this restaurant.

- That's impossible. - Based on cardholder disputes,

we show nine hits in this locus that precede fraudulent activity.

- What does that mean? - People's card numbers were copied

and those numbers were used to rack up thousands of dollars in phony charges.

Wait, you think I'm ripping off my own customers? That's insane.

Were these meals actually served?

Shit.

Councilman Carillo? That was just two weeks ago.

So you understand we have to suspend

the use of our cards here pending an investigation.

Suspend? You're cutting me off?

What's going on?

They're from Amex. No more charges.

- What?! - Someone's stealing!

Guys, this is like 30% of my business here

and I can't fucking spare it right now!

Artie, please don't curse. The minute you use profanity,

you give them the high moral ground to do whatever they please.

We need copies of your reservations

and a list of anyone who has access to customer plastic.

I'm just asking, Jay.

Well, tell me again.

Why am I meeting with these chaps?

Oh! Oh, bollocks, Jay. Uh... bollocks!

Oh, please.

Anyway, we appreciate that your time

is less than limited, so I'll cut to the chase.

Log line..."The Ring" meets "The Godfather."

Wiseguy... murdered, I guess you could say...

seeks revenge on the man who ordered it.

You would play that man.

Which man?

Who are we kidding here?

You're Ben Kingsley. You'd play the boss.

I heard this idea... I call Jay and I say,

"Sir Ben Kingsley, no one else."

Well, you know, as ever, it's script-dependent.

Oh, we got a sensational writer... JT Dolan.

I'm embarrassed. I haven't heard of him.

He's from TV... "Nash Bridges," "Hooperman,"

and "Law & Order, the SUV."

So there's a script?

We wanted to surmise your interest

and then tailor the part to your specificities.

No one plays a tough, ruthless, hardhearted prick like you do.

You got it down, trust me.

I take that as quite a compliment.

Sure. "Sexy Beast"?

Now, we do have a shortlist of directors.

We could go A-list down the horror genre...

Ridley, Tobe Hooper.

Or we could try to find the next James Wan. He did "Saw."

Did you see that? Fuckin' brutal.

Betty?

It's Ben. How are you?

What on earth are you doing out here?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh.

Gentlemen, allow me to introduce Miss Lauren Bacall.

Lauren, this is Carmine Tazzi and Christopher...

...Moltisanti. Huge fan.

- Thank you. - "Lupertazzi."

You were great in "The Haves and Have-Nots."

Oh yes, dear Howard Hawks. Thank you.

I'm a presenter at one of these award shows...

ShoWest, some bullshit.

Oh, I did one of those years ago, after "Death and the Maiden," I think.

They do take good care of you, though.

I have shiatsu in about 10 minutes.

- Wow. - But let's catch up.

Absolutely. Great to see you.

- Thank you. - As always.

- So nice meeting both of you. - Enjoy your success.

Uh, that reminds me, I have a scheduling problem.

This meeting was last minute and I'm supposed to be

at the Luxury Lounge at 2:00.

Yeah, but we haven't even gotten to the particulars yet.

We'll walk with you.

I think this is going very well.

You okay? You seem a bit distracted.

It's fucking Sir Ben Kingsley is all. Lauren Bacall.

- Yo. - Murmur, I'm chipping here major.

Get on a plane.

Sir Ben Kingsley and... guests.

Janine will take you around.

Hi, Janine. Ben Kingsley.

We're offering the full services

of the spa today, including massage.

Listen, we're thinking about Sam Rockwell for the younger guy.

- Is that a good chemistry for you? - Hmm.

May I offer you champagne?

Maybe later.

This is Yael from Cosabella Lingerie. Sir Ben Kingsley.

I'll take an extra large in these.

For a man, White & Warm is giving this cashmere throw,

great for the airplane, and here, one for the car.

- Thanks, Yael. - They charge this shit to the room?

- Hmm? - This is Carla from Oris.

Men's and women's, sporty and dressy.

A lot of guys are going with the classic stainless chrono.

Oh, my godson would love that. He's having his birthday in three weeks.

- But for me... - This is elegant.

- Really is. - Take the chrono too?

- Are you sure? - Of course.

Is all this shit free?

I'm gettin' that.

"True Crime, New York City."

Pam has a huge crush on you.

Thanks, Pam.

So Kingsley, they do this all the time?

- It's Sir Ben, actually. - Sorry.

A couple of times a year, mainly clustered around award seasons.

How is that even fuckin' possible?

I know. It's embarrassing, isn't it?

- I know I have one of these. - Shelly from iRiver.

I don't know if you have this one.

It's got 20 gigs of space in a tiny package.

That's 80 hours of video or 600 hours of music.

Shelly, can I get one of these?

- Here you go, Sir Ben. - Thank you, Shelly.

Sir Ben, you've got a meeting with Doug in 10, so...

Hey, guys,

looks like I ate up all our time here.

What do you say we catch up in New York?

You got a lot of tables left.

We're gonna make that work, Sir Ben.

They're giving away a Caddy over there!

Well, no, it's just a test-drive for a couple of weeks.

You know, my family gave me some sunglasses for Christmas

so why don't you have these?

I bet they'll look great on you, Chris.

I don't know. You think?

Sir Ben, can we get a shot?

The thing, the Arabs.

Chris wanted me to take care of you while he's away.

Cecil B DeMoltisanti there.

- This is one week? - Yeah, Murmur caught some big ones.

You're going to see your girlfriend over at Vesuvio?

Yeah.

All right.

Uh...

Give this to Artie. Put it on my tab.

We're not here to accuse anybody,

'cause Mainie and I like to think of you all as family.

And this is very serious.

It is, but know that as family

you'll be treated with respect

and, if need be, forgiveness.

Hector, and you, mustache...

You got something to say?

We have no intention of pressing charges. It's just gotta stop.

That's all we want. Any questions?

Understand this is not about a 42-oz. jar of Moroccan olives

or a couple of rolls of toilet paper here.

- This is our livelihoods. - Are you looking at me?

Nobody's looking at anybody.

- I didn't take the toilet paper. - But the olives?

I'm joking here.

I'm just saying if you don't come clean to us,

those investigators,

well, they just might question the honesty

of somebody that wears a coat

- pulled from the lost-and-found. - Fuck this!

- No, fuck you! - Arthur...

I don't know which one of you pieces of shit did this,

- but I've been good to you! - ...getting us nowhere.

And you pay me back with nonstop ass-rape!

Well fuck all of you!

You know what? Just forget it.

I... I'm so sorry, everybody.

Um, could you just get this cleaned up so we can open? Thanks.

No no. It's very bad.

They had the credit card police.

Those companies are huge.

They come on tough, but in the end, they gotta eat it.

Okay.

Everything okay in there?

For once I'd like to eat without you getting a call from work.

Ah.

God damn it.

Motherfucker.

Arthur!

What do you want, a repeat performance of the Fourth of July?

That cop told you,

no firing guns in the borough limits.

I brought those arugula seeds

all the way back from Italy in my shaving kit.

Eden, get the fuck out of there!

- Fuck off. - I wasn't going through your purse!

I was movin' it and it fell.

Go fuck yourself, you guinea bastard!

Good afternoon, Mr. Moltisanti.

Room 812, please.

- Yes. - Hey, Sir Kingsley.

It's Chris Moltisanti from yesterday?

I spoke with Jay

and he's working on that New York meeting right now.

Fine, but that's not what I'm calling about, though.

That Luxury Lounge thing, can you get me in there?

I don't know. My publicist handles all that stuff.

- So, can you call 'em? - I don't know

how my publicist can help you, you know?

All right.

Yeah, in the city then. My partner went back.

Friend of his died recently. Guy's wife

is having a breakdown. He'll call you.

That's security, Eden! They're gonna blow that door open!

Fuck you!

- Fuck. - I know, I gotta get it together.

Black truffle doesn't have the intensity of white so you gotta use more.

I'll be at my investing club at the Learning Annex with my cell

if you have to call, but try not to.

Sandy, about the meeting...

- Oh, everybody knows you're upset. - I know.

But Alonzo's coat, you told me that in confidence.

I thought you needed to know.

I also think... well, it's probably nothing,

but yesterday Martina was showing off these Caovilla sandals.

I know she makes more than me,

but they cost like $600.

You should get back to the coatroom.

Hold on a second. I wanna ask you something.

- I knew it. - I'm sorry. I'll pay you back.

- How could you do this to me? - You were so mean to me.

Like helping you find the apartment? Teaching you to drive?

As soon as you found out I wasn't going to fuck you, you started picking on me.

I wanna fuck you? You certainly have a high opinion of yourself.

You stare at me like food.

Well I never fuck you.

- I go to Benny and we laugh at you... - Benny.

...when I fuck him in the pile of money

that we take from your stupid customers.

You're fired.

Oh yeah? Oh, who's laughing now?

What do you think? I can't press charges 'cause of my friendship with Tony?!

Three months you worked here!

You think that doesn't go on your permanent record?!

We lead the world in computerized data collection!

Artie, you know what time it is?

- We need to talk. - Now?

My wife is pregnant. She needs to sleep.

Martina told me about your little credit card business.

Step outside, Ben.

I'll be outside a minute, honey.

Look.

You're upset, all right?

But it's not my fault that little trick got greedy.

Oh, so she's a little trick, huh?

I was gonna cut you in, but now you're acting stupid.

Regular people are all fucking stupid.

You want some more?!

Piece of dogshit! Little, crazy,

motherfucking meatball dogshit!

Yeah, I'm stupid.

Ho! There he is.

How you doing?

- Great, thanks. - This is Murmur.

- You heading to the pool? - Massage.

Oh.

Listen. You get a chance to call about that Luxury Lounge for me?

Well, it's like I explained...

there's nothing very much I can do about it.

- They decide whom they give it to. - Very important people,

like you, right? 'Cause you're a very important person.

To them, I guess.

Murmur's an interesting name. What's the genesis?

I had a heart murmur when I was a kid.

They just keep handing stuff out, huh?

The coolest shit in the world

to the people who need it the least.

Look. I think you've misunderstood something.

I give most of that stuff away

to homeless shelters, the rest I give to charity auctions.

- Not to your godson? - I agree with you,

the whole thing's obscene, and it's nothing

compared to the situation at award shows.

Presenters get about $30,000 worth of merchandise

in those baskets.

That's a year's salary for some people.

Go figure.

Hopefully we can spread some of that lolly around.

We'll get you that script.

Hell of a tub here, guys.

Sea, sun. I'm gonna make it my second home.

- Anybody else hungry? Huh? - We'll get lunch started.

- Artie, another margarita? - I could say no, but I won't.

You lost your fucking mind?

The shit you're in with that kid, which you brought on yourself.

Brought on myself? Oh, I suppose you let

a certain element into your world, you're asking for it.

- Oh! - Jesus fucking Christ, Tony,

how could you pull that scam at my place?

Come on, you know I never would've let that happen if I'd known.

You're innocent, I get it. I'm just another victim

- of Benny Fazio, criminal mastermind. - That's right.

And once you found out, instead of putting him in the E.R.,

you should've come to me. He says he's gonna kill you, Artie.

I can't take American Express now, Ton'.

You know what that means? I have to start with the fucking two-fers.

My accountant insisted. Are you happy?

Life's not fair. Right, I know.

But somehow I believed my dad's crap about honest work.

He used to say to me, "You'll see.

Pays off in the end."

What a joke.

I hate to see you like this, you know that.

'Cause you start thinking crazy shit.

Who's hungry?

- Yeah? - Ben Kingsley passed.

Fuck.

You know, I tried to be his friend,

I sent a muffin basket with the script,

I tried everything.

You can kill me after if you want,

- but he's a fucking dead man. - Calm down, Ben.

He came to my house, Tony, where my wife was watching TV.

My wife, who's carrying my unborn son.

I'm gonna take him to that warehouse in Paterson

- and drive fucking... - Nails into his balls. I know.

I heard you the first time.

- You're having a son, huh? - They showed us his cannoli

on the ultrasound like a month ago.

That's beautiful.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

I'm gonna tell you this once...

it's over. You drop it.

And frankly you should be very happy I'm not gonna tax you.

I mean beside the fact you know I grew up with the man,

you don't shit where you eat.

And you really don't shit where I eat.

I know, and I'm sorry about that, but...

And your parents' anniversary party?

It's not going to be at Da Giovanni's. It's gonna be at Vesuvio.

What? Tony, look at my face.

He's going to apologize to you, and give you a rate.

He's hurtin' too. And it's the least you can do.

Well Ms. Bacall, your limo is second in line there.

Oh, well I can take it from here.

- You sure? - Yeah, thank you so much.

- Okay, you're welcome. - Good night.

Night.

- Get the fuck away from me! - What are you doing?!

Somebody help us!

Those guys!

Ms. Bacall, don't move.

Yes, an ambulance by Robinsons-May.

Oh Jesus, my fucking arm.

- Hmm? - No.

There's a line outside.

Okay, push the scampi. Wholesaler says they gotta get eaten tonight.

And don't spread out too much. We still got the Fazio party in the banquet room.

Okay, Sandy. Open the door.

Hello. Welcome.

Do you have low-salt selections?

Ahem...

Ma, Pop, order whatever you want.

I'm having that loin of veal.

That's the other place, Ma.

This the young couple?

Yes, my mom and dad.

Cent'anni!

- Hundred years! - Cent'anni!

Well, I hope you all enjoy. You're all set for wine, cocktails?

- Nothing? - Fine, thanks.

Benny, can I get you a Martina?

- Excuse me? - A Martina.

It's like a Martini, but it's from Albania.

Hmm. I never heard of it.

Well, apparently they go down real easy.

Right, Ben?

We're gonna look at the menu.

Good enough.

- You order for me. - Fine. The monkfish.

There's such a strange consistency.

- Ow! - In front of my wife?!

Fuck!

Jesus! Fuck, my hand!

Shit! Oh God! Oh fuck!

Fuck! My hand!

Oh my God! Oh my God!

Oh my God, Arthur! Somebody call 911 please!

Look at this.

I had no idea. I'd have booked another flight.

Fuck.

Where is everybody?

My father-in-law don't wanna come.

Him and Carm aren't speaking.

- How's the meathook? - Had to be my fuckin' saute hand, huh?

Why, you got an okay crowd here today.

Sunday pasta's the last thing to go.

The place is on life-support ever since word got out

to the regulars about their credit cards.

And my staff is pissed off about Martina leaving.

Benny did a real number here, Tony.

Who knows? Maybe it's cursed. The fire, then this.

Will you stop talkin' like an old lady?

- Artie. - No go, huh?

He's just being dramatic.

- How are you, sweetie? - Better.

And Carm, the flowers...

Tonight, only the best

for the best people.

Hmm, that's excellent.

Hey, be careful you two,

because the way you two are looking at each other,

pretty soon we'll have to put a high chair over here.

Like the icing on a cake, okay? Capisce?

Keep your thumbs out of the food.

We gotta talk about your problem.

Oh, great. Another idea.

How 'bout a strolling accordionist?

I'm gonna give you the name of a good psychiatrist.

She's Italian. You'll like her.

You know what? You go about in pity for yourself.

- I go about in pity for myself? - Yeah.

I gotta tell you, Bodhisattva,

that is fucking priceless.

Use the other door.

You bitch and you moan and you blame

everybody else for your problems,

instead of maybe... not letting the Mexicans do all the cooking for you

or, I don't know, changing the menu or changing the decor.

I guess because you know how to eat, you know how to run a restaurant.

On one of the bleakest nights of my life,

after the shit with my mother and that fuckin' storm outside,

I came here to this place.

I sat out there with Carm and my two kids

and we ate and we drank and we were so happy to be here,

more than any other place in the world.

And you know I'm gonna eat here until I fall off the chair.

But in business, sometimes shit happens.

The playing field changes, whatever.

And you gotta do whatever you gotta do to keep your dick up.

If you hate it here so much, why don't you go to Da Giovanni?

See if he'll cook you that bland shit for your shot-up pancreas.

I'll tell you one thing

and this is very hard...

nobody wants to hear you talk.

They're trying to eat out there and you come along

with your corny jokes and your stupid stories.

Just stay in the kitchen.

That'd be a start.

Hey.

You wouldn't believe what these people in the business get,

totally fuckin' absolutely gratis.

Yeah, I hear the streets are paved with hand jobs.

Right. I scored some major swag.

A little taste for you.

Trip to Australia, first-class vouchers,

some kind of golf resort.

Looks like Sarasota.

After what, a 20-hour flight? No.

That's for a pocket dog.

How'd it go with the movie star?

He was all over us, but I don't think he's right.

We made some great contacts. Plus we saw Lindsay Lohan.

Total piece of ass.

You hear Artie burned his hand?

Yeah. Him and Benny. How crazy is that?

- He okay? - A layer of skin

came off his hand like a glove.

But, they said, you know, no scarring, no grafts.

- Lucky. - Hmm.

Well, not for nothin'. I couldn't help but thinkin'

if you were here watching your crew,

things wouldn't have gone the way they did.

You let me go, T.

I asked you. Now it's my fault Artie and Benny got into it?

This is what I was concerned about, Christopher, the loss of focus.

Look...

not many guys have had to make the kind of sacrifice I did.

How many times you gonna play the Adriana card?

Sandy just seated a couple.

Kitchen's closed.

He said they were supposed to go to the city but they had car trouble.

Hector already left to pick up his wife.

Plus I got nothing back here, Charm.

They already opened the bottle.

They're gonna have to eat what I give them.

Arthur, a lot of people don't like rabbit.

My grandfather's way.

Only with Provençal elements I been thinking about.

I thought you were taking it to him at the home.

Okay... out. I wanna get outta here tonight.

For my mom.

A store on the 57th street?

If you bought this in Naples?

The weak dollar.

Mont Blanc. Actually cheaper in the U.S