All language subtitles for The.Great.North.S05E16.480

-♪ Look up there ♪
-♪ What do you see? ♪

♪ Nature and stuff ♪

-♪ Like a rock ♪
-♪ And a tree ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Way up here,
you can breathe the air ♪

♪ Catch some fish ♪

♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪

♪ Wow ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪

♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪

♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪

♪ In the Great North. ♪

[cheering]

Thank you for the ride, Chad.

I'll friend you on Roblox.

[laughing]

Yep.

[both laughing]

Now we're officially married
in our own little house

that is all ours.

And kinda your dad's.

And kinda my dad's.

But it's great for now.

And we're great forever.

[both]
Mmm.

Well, it's our wedding night.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

That we should carefully plan
out our entire life together

while we listen
to the Shrek soundtrack?

Exactly.

Let me just grab
our his and hers

Donkey pajamas.

♪ ♪

[both]
Ooh! [laugh]

Mwah.

[both]
Mr. Bean.

[laughs]

[both laugh]

[both grunt]

[laughs]

Mr. Bean,
that's not a toothbrush.

[grunting]

-[Honeybee growls]
-Whoopsie.

Aah!

Hey, Mom, hey, Dad.

What's up, in-laws?

[chanting]
Ruth and Louis, huh-huh.

They're the coolest, huh-huh.

-[screams]
-Wolf, no!

[Wolf shouts, whimpers]

[Honeybee groans]

-[Wolf farting]
-[Honeybee groans]

[man grunting]

[Wolf]
Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah.

Uh... Wolf?

Sorry, babe, it's the Finnish
Bodybuilding Finals live stream.

Kaarlo Hikkhaanen,
the Helsinki Hunk,

is absolutely crushing
the snatch grip.

[groans] Wolf.

Would you look at those calves?

More like cows.

Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo.

[Honeybee yawns]

Is it just me,

or is this cabin getting

a little too small for us?

This place?
I just think it's cozy.

And it is. It is.

But we've been married a year.

And I'm thinking
maybe it's time for...

phase two?

Oh, man, yes,
I am so psyched for phase two.

Remind me
what phase two is again?

Phase two of our five-year plan.

We said that whenever we outgrew
this little guest cabin,

we'd enter phase two.

Either renovate the space

or get our own place.

Oh, wow, uh,

those are both
a big, uh, change.

But in a good way, right?

Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, yeah.
[stammers]

Let's see, uh,
renting a-a new place.

I believe
they do check your credit.

And mine is still recovering

from when I invested in that NFT

of a steampunk gerbil
smoking a cigarette.

It's not your fault Jimmy Fallon
made them sound so good, babe.

And expanding the space would
cost money which we do not have.

Unless...

Unless we...

get another
steampunk gerbil NFT?

Ooh, maybe the one
in the bubble bath?

Wolf, no, what I'm saying is

that maybe there is a way
to kind of renovate the cabin

without a lot of money.

We do it ourselves.

Oh, I don't think
that's a good idea.

I am not as good
at carpentry as my dad

or even Mr. Bark,
the Woodworking Dog on PBS.

Okay, but what if you trusted me
to do a little project?

Not exactly a renovation
but just

to make it feel
like there's more space.

Oh, sure. Yeah, that could work.

Some paint, a room divider
to create an entryway.

Maybe some shelves,
a few mirrors.

The mirrors would look
so grown-up in here.

Just like a strip club.

Oh, and is this a good idea?

We could paint
one of the walls to look

like a long hallway,
like a haunted house.

-It is not, but keep thinking.
-You got it.

So this'll be like a phase 1.5.
I can live with that.

As long as you keep
living with me.

You know it.
All right, hands in.

Let's say "Phase 1.5" on three.

-One--
-Point five.

No, we say "1.5" on three.

-On three.
-Good enough.

[Ham]
No, I'm telling you.

It wasn't just a dream.

Chunky Smork is real.

-He bit me.
-[screams]

Oh, my God.

-Has that always been there?
-Ham, no.

[all shout]

Good news, children,
I have finally purchased

the perfect coffin
for my eventual demise.

My God, how long
have you been in there?

Uh, three to four hours,
I think,

but I took a break for lunch.

I know this might sound weird,

but I was not expecting
to see you in a coffin today.

Well, as you know,
I like to stay on top

of the latest deals on coffins

to prepare
for my eventual departure at 80.

We know it, and we hate it.

Well,
my absolute fantasy coffin,

the Spartan Sleep Forever,

finally went on sale
at the Burial Barn.

Congratulations, Dad.

Thank you,
I've been dreaming of being dead

in this box forever.

Dad, um, may I gently inquire,

why is the coffin in the middle
of the family room?!

Well, I'm just gonna
keep it here

until I make room in the shed.

Which I shed be doing right now.

[chuckles]
Just a little joke.

So, would any of you like to
take this beautiful body bucket

for a dip in the eternity well?

Are you asking us
if we would like

to lie in our father's coffin?

Pretty cool opportunity, eh?

I wish to speak for all of us

when I say... no.

Okay, more coffin
for me, I suppose.

[whistling]

So...

that's where Dad
is going to be dead.

Just slowly decomposing.

A box full of Dad bones
and Dad teeth

and maybe some Dad hair?

Hmm, I want to--

and I mean this nicely--

burn it.

I mean,
maybe we should get in it.

Just to get over our fears?

How bad can it be?

I despise this notion.

Five minutes each?

Let's ride.

[Ham whimpers]

I saw my whole life so far.

My youth, it's slipping away.

It's almost gone.

I saw nothing.

Just darkness.

There's nothing after this.

I also saw nothing.

And everything.

Light, dark, trees,

baseball, Scrub Daddies,

love, fear, Scrub Mommies.

Nothing's real.

And everything's real.

-[Ham whimpering]
-Teach me.

By asking to be taught,

you're already learning.

[Honeybee]
Ta-da!

Well, I love it.

That wall is a different color,
and the mirrors

make the whole place
feel bigger.

Yeah, it's a great start, right?

And you made a whole window.

I didn't know real carpentry was
gonna be a part of phase 1.5.

Well, I looked it up on YouTube,
and it didn't seem that hard.

I prepped the jambs,
rabbeted the stool,

notched the stool,
and installed the side casing.

Well, I'd like to install
a compliment in your brain.

Nice.

Now, if either of us
needs more space,

we just open the window
and lean our heads way out.

I'm excited to try that,
but I got to hit the head.

Phase 1.5 rules.

Who even needs phase two?

[chuckles, exhales]

-[Wolf farting]
-Oh, no.

He forgot to close the door
all the way again.

Oh, here comes the sounds.

Here comes the smells.

Oh!

[sighs] Damn.

I really need phase two.

All right, I'm off
to Junkyard Kyle's to select

the lumber for my DIY reno.

And what are you making again?

Well, we don't have the money
for a bedroom,

but we do have the money
to add a very small

office/she-shed/he-hole
for when we need space.

Okay, well,
I loved the cabin before,

I love it now,
and I'm sure I'll love it

when I'm sliding
into my own special he-hole.

-Babe.
-Sorry I can't help today

because I already had plans for
breakfast beers with Cheesecake.

No problem. I've got this.

Before you know it,
we'll be in our new mini-office,

rolling calls
like Ari on Entourage.

Lloyd, we can't find Vince!

He's stuck in his Aquaman suit

and he's late
for the Teen Choice Awards.

And also Turtle's dead.

[both laughing]

[Beef]
More pancakes, anyone?

Or are we all full?

Father, no one can ever
be truly "full."

For instance,
this cup of orange juice.

Full or empty?

Full.

[chuckles]

Sure, Dad, sure.

I used to think like you, Dad.

It's called "baby-mind."

Man, ugh.

I wish I was a baby again.

Waking up
in my childhood bedroom,

not a care in the world.

Ham, you literally woke up

in your childhood bedroom
this morning.

Sure feels that way sometimes.

I'm beginning
to wonder if perhaps

I should not have
invited you all

to lie in my coffin.

Dad's beginning to wonder.

Welcome.

Okey doke,
well, grab your backpacks.

Time for school.

Huh, school. Ah.

Best years of my life.

I wish I could go back.

Great news, then.

You'll be there
in eight minutes.

Lucky for you, that bowling
alley in Ted's Folly--

Ted's Bowl-y-- closed.

Yeah, this wood is so shiny.

Any chance you also need

a commercial
nacho cheese dispenser?

Not at the moment,
but I'll keep you posted.

Renovating, huh?

You got a bun in your oven
or a thorn in your side?

-What do you mean?
-Oh, people usually add on

to their houses
when they're having a kid

or marriage problems.

We're not having problems.

I mean, sure, we're not

in the honeymoon phase anymore,
but--

So you and Wolf are fighting
a lot, huh?

No, actually,
'cause the tight quarters

don't seem to bother him at all.

He can't get enough of me!

Which of course
makes me feel guilty

about getting annoyed by him.

So it's easier
to make some space

than to tell him
I need some space.

I don't want
to hurt his feelings.

Yep, couples need space.

Me and my first husband
Junkyard Jim

lived in a tiny trailer
for eight years,

and then we went
to a tiny divorce court.

Hmm, you know what?

Maybe the office
should be a bedroom,

and, and maybe the mirror
should be stairs.

Uh, think I could get
some more lumber on credit?

You bet, and I'll throw in a mug

of bowling alley sippin' cheese,
gratis.

[Gibbons]
And a special treat

for our high schoolers-- there
will be an assembly tomorrow

about the dangers
of corporate malfeasance,

featuring the a cappella group

from our nearby
minimum security prison,

the Embezzle-Tones.

So what's everybody doing
after school?

I am not doing anything,
Russell.

I am simply being.

Moon, you're scaring me.

That's good, Russell.

It means you're starting
to wake up.

-What?
-Let me demonstrate.

-[grunts]
-Aah! Moon.

Did you just throw
an afternoon bun at my butt?

Yes.

Well, then you can
report directly

to my office
for your punishment.

But why punish me when I may
have just saved your life?

You see, I did throw that bun.

But what if I hadn't?

And instead you just
kept walking and tripped

and got chowder
all over your scarf,

then you were too cold
when you went outside

and so you decided
to move to Florida.

And when you finally arrived,

you instantly got eaten
by an alligator.

Oh, no, not me!

That's right, not you.

Because none of that
ever happened.

Because I threw
that bun at your ass.

You're welcome.

Wow.

My mind feels clear

for the first time in months.

Moon, how do I hold on
to this feeling?

Dwayne, take a seat.

Judy, cancel my fifth period.

[rock music playing faintly]

Hmm.

♪ Hitchhiking on the wind ♪

♪ Thinking about a girl
I knew back then... ♪

Man, something about this music

makes me feel
like life's going too fast.

Oh, yeah, The Sandalwood Jam
Band sure nails that feeling.

Amen.

Yeah, this was recorded in '76.

14 guys in the band,

and 12 of them
play steel guitar.

Righteous.

The whir of the cassette
just makes me think,

"When did things get
so complicated?"

[laughs]
You're talking like you're going

through a midlife crisis.

♪ Old man,
look at this younger guy ♪

[grunts]
♪ He's much younger ♪

♪ Than you are. ♪

Midlife crisis?

Yep. That feeling that one day

you're popping beers
at your first bonfire;

next thing you know,
you need back surgery

from bending over
your pitch-perfect scale model

of the Cumberland Gap train
day and night.

Wow, that is what it feels like.

Where has the time gone?

I used to eat baby food.

Now I eat regular food.

I smell
what you're stepping in, man.

-Earl Grey?
-Why not?

It's the afternoon somewhere,
am I right?

You said a mouthful, cousin.

[Wolf]
Honeybee.

Sorry.

Breakfast beers turned
into lunchtime lemon drops,

and next thing you know,
we were three dinner-tinis deep,

and then we saw
that stray cat again,

so obviously we had
to follow it and... Whoa!

Hey, Wolf.

[singsongy]
Welcome home.

[chuckles]

I must be drunker
than I thought.

'Cause there are
two of you and it looks

like we're missing
an entire wall.

Whoa! [grunts]

I'm okay.

This freezing,
extremely hard ice

broke my fall.

So what do you think?

Oh, uh...

it's, well...

What happened, Honeybee?

I thought you were just making
a little office.

Well, I started on it,
but then I thought

we'd want a little more space.

And Kyle said she'd give me
lumber on credit.

So I knocked down that wall
for a bedroom back there.

And then I added some stairs.

Well, I'm no expert, but...

don't stairs
usually go somewhere?

Okay, that's pretty negative.

Well, this all seems
like something

we should've discussed.

We did, remember?

Phase two.

This kind of feels
like phase four

or five or whichever phase

you would hire a contractor for.

Wolf, I got this.

I just need to watch
a few more YouTubes.

Okay, but right now it is
very late and very cold.

Right, you got here just before
I was gonna put up the tarps.

[sighs] Okay, sure, we'll get
some shut-eye, I guess,

and figure this out
in the morning.

Perfect.

Been a while
since we double-burrito-ed.

Pretty fun, huh?

Uh-huh.

[shudders]

[grunting]

[screaming]

How can we be expected
to have homework time

when time doesn't even exist?

[both] Wow, ninth grade.
I had the world on a string.

[birds squawking]

Aah! Birds!

[grunting]

Oh. Badass.

-[squawking]
-[Wolf] Oh, no, crows. Aah!

Aah! My beautiful butt cheeks!

You may enter the presence.

What is it you wish, my child?

My parents made plans
for us to have something

called "family time"
this weekend.

I need a miracle.

You may now place
your offering toilet-side.

It's two pounds of fudge.

-What flavor?
-Peanut butter.

You shall have your miracle.

Moon, you cannot use
the bathroom for your cult.

You can book
a library conference room,

but you have
to sign up on the sheet.

Now, everyone,
get to first period.

I am about to lose my mind.

It was never yours
in the first place.

Get out, all of you!

[groaning, clamoring]

[Honeybee gasps]
Wolf.

[weakly]
Hmm?

Uh, Wolf.

Mm. What?

I'm not saying your name.

There's an actual wolf
in our house.

[sniffing]

Is this a good time
to tell you I think

you've taken all
this remodeling way too far?

Hmm, probably not.

Okay, I'll tell you later.

Hopefully not in heaven.

-What do we do? What do we do?
-[wolf snarling]

Okay, we just got to unzip
this sleeping bag.

[grunts] Oh, shoot.

The zipper's stuck.

Okay, here's the plan.

We slowly roll off the bed

and then silently earthworm

-into the bathroom.
-Got it.

On three.

One, two, three.

-[both grunt]
-[growls]

Earthworm. Earthworm. Earthworm.

Man, that's hard to say fast.

[both screaming]

[Honeybee]
Oh, my God, I'm sorry, Wolf.

I should've
never knocked down that wall

and added
a staircase to nowhere.

This is all my fault.

What is... [groans]
What is going on with you?

I used to love living in this
tiny little house together.

And I wanted to spend
every second with you.

But over the last few months,

I kind of started to find
some of the things

you say and do

and smell annoying.

And so you destroyed
the house to punish me?

No, I accidentally destroyed the
house trying to get some space,

so I wouldn't have to tell you
I was getting annoyed

because I didn't want
to hurt your feelings

because you never get
annoyed with me.

What? I get annoyed
with you all the time.

-You do?
-Yes.

When?

[Wolf]
When you blocked my view

of Mr. Bean's charming antics.

When you destroyed
my 2,000-piece Home Alone

Kevin McCallister's house

-Lego set.
-[screams]

And where do I even start
with the farts?

[Honeybee farting]

I annoy you that much?

That makes me so happy.

Yeah, and believe it or not,

I'm pretty annoyed at you
right now.

And actually have been
for days and days.

Like, so annoyed.

-[wolf growling]
-[clattering]

That's fair.

-Help!
-Help us!

[Beef]
Get out of here!

-Ha! Get!
-It's your dad.

Wolf? Honeybee?

What the hell has been
going on back here?

We've entered
phase two of adulthood.

Ta-da.

[Golovkin] And all these tracks
were played live.

No Auto-Tune, no digital fixes.

Just 14 guys making music

for the sake of making music.

Mm, it just hits different.

You bet it does.

This beautiful bird is
the best purchase I ever made.

It's like my life
makes sense again, you know?

Oh, I do know.

Hey, you want to sit
in the driver's seat

and fire this falcon up?

You know it.

You'll have 30 minutes
to complete this test.

Show your work, and please
no drawings of muscular rabbits.

You know who you are.

Uh, what the hell
is going on here?

Moon told us
that tests don't matter,

so we don't have to take them.

Moon, is that true?

The only real test
is life itself.

-Oh, my God.
-You see, Mrs. Hill,

what Moon is saying is that
the universe is our teacher.

And only the universe has
the credentials to "test" us.

Judy, what are you even doing
in fifth grade math?

Now you're asking
the right questions.

What are any of us doing here?

All that matters
is adding to our flock

in hopes
of spreading enlightenment

to those who suffer
in the shadows.

To the light.

-To the gym.
-To the gym.

[children chanting] To the gym,
to the gym, to the gym.

[sighs]

I can't believe I buy
my own school supplies.

Oh, damn, I love this one.

I love this one.

♪ Cheatin' gals,
you gotta love 'em ♪

♪ Cheatin' gals,
can't get enough of 'em ♪

♪ Cheatin' eyes
and cheatin' lips ♪

♪ Next thing you know,
you got little ♪

♪ Cheatin' kids... ♪

This one's called "Cheatin'."

The whole band hated
each other's guts by this point.

Here to warn you
about the dangers

of abusing tax shelters
for personal gain.

You know 'em from last year
and the year before that.

It's the Embezzle-Tones.

Yay.

♪ Offshore ♪

♪ I was hiding things
offshore. ♪

[door opens]

Prepare to hear the truth.

Ooh, a stick shift.

I always wondered
how these bad boys work.

[Golovkin]
Ooh, no, actually--

Moon, this assembly

is only for upper grades.

There are no grades.

-There's only--
-[engine rumbling]

-[shouting]
-[clamoring]

♪ Let's all run away,
runnin' away. ♪

Damn it. [sighs]

Happens every single year.

I almost died.

We all almost died.

Uh, why on earth have I been
acting like I know stuff?

I'm ten. I'm an idiot.

And why have I been
following you around?

You're an idiot.

What the hell
have I been thinking?

I'm not a sad, middle-aged man.

I'm a teen boy with
his whole life ahead of him.

[sighs] I really need to make
some friends my own age.

I'm sorry I destroyed
the guesthouse, Beef.

She was trying not to tell me
I'm annoying,

as if I didn't know that
already.

And he finds me annoying, too.
Isn't that great news?

Indeed. It's a privilege
to be annoyed by your spouse.

Your mother wasn't around enough
for me to get sick of her.

The irritation you two share
is beautiful.

Like Everybody Loves Raymond
or The Smorks.

Oh, yeah, Chunky and Mrs. Smork
always work it out.

Even when he smorks it up
real bad.

You know, I happen to know
someone who's pretty good

at cabin repairs who could
give you that second story.

It's, it's me.

But just promise me,
next time one of you needs space

from the other one,
you won't destroy the building.

You got it. Okay, not to change
the subject, but can we talk

about why there's a coffin
in the family room?

Damn, Dad. You finally snagged
a Spartan Sleep Forever?

Mind if I saddle her up
and trod her around the corral?

Sure, go nuts in there.

Oh, just no snacking, please.

All right, everybody.

Get ready for the big reveal.

And to have your minds blown.

Except for Dad, of course,
because he did most of the work.

-[Moon] Very nice.
-[Ham] Wow.
-[Judy] She's beautiful, guys.

Now let's all head into me and
Honeybee's new house for dinner.

We have room for all of you now.

Uh, wait, babe, I want
to tell you something.

Okay.

You annoy the hell
out of me... sometimes.

Aw. You annoy me, too.

Very much.

Aw. Mwah.

I'm Barry from the Burial Barn,

and I want to bury you in one

of our affordable coffins today.

Our prices are so low,
you're gonna say to me,

"Hey, Barry,
I'm sorry for your loss."

We've got beauties
like the Underground Explorer

and the tuxedo coffin, the
Excalibur with removable sword,

and that's not all.

We've got the Sleepy Susan,

the Sloppy Roger,
the Saucy Gentleman,

the Double Decker Bus, one
that says "But first, coffin,"

the Death Cab for Corpsie,
the Steam Train to Heaven,

and so many more. Remember,
here at the Burial Barn,

if we can't beat
our competitor's prices,

-I'll bury you for free!
-[banging in coffin]

♪ Come on down
to the Burial Barn ♪

♪ 'Cause everybody dies. ♪

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