Original subtitles

Do you remember Perry?

He was our sportsmaster over at school.

Oh!

Tin Man Perry.

Yes.

He was tall and thin as a post.

He's a good cricketer.

So are you.

Otherwise, I might have made the team once in a while.

Tin Man Perry.

Funny the things you think of.

You know, when we got to university, I felt sure I was going to make that team.

But there you were again.

You're not going to hold it against me, are you?

You were the better man.

Mind you, I don't think I'll ever forgive you for Dorothy. Dorothy?

Tall redhead.

Built like the Albert Memorial.

Dorothy!

She was remarkably well -empowered.

She was also my date at the Varsity Ball. Very unsporting of you, old chap.

they say, all's fair in love.

And war?

The wires can't. The others lie at the trees.

It'll be dark soon.

Black mark.

Do you know what I'm going to miss most of all?

That old pub down by the river.

And the taste of warm, bitter beer.

You shouldn't talk like that.

It's as though you weren't coming back.

I've stood in your shadow ever since we were kids, Steve.

You don't really think I've enjoyed that, do you?

Always second best.

Well, over there I can be my own man.

I can be big.

Bigger than you, even. You made a deal.

They're waiting for me with open arms.

You know, I can't let you get away with this, Mark.

Oh, I was rather hoping you'd try, Steve.

Mark. No chance.

You're letting me down, Steve.

Beating me again?

Try and stop me, Steve.

So I can kill you and wipe you out of my life forever.

Try and stop me, Steve!

Try and stop me.

I'll show you who's the better man. Try, damn you! Trust!

There is nothing we can do for you, Comrade Bukowski.

You are lucky to have lived so long already.

You see, the bullet is lodged in your heart, and it cannot operate.

Nor can we prevent it from moving, changing its course.

Over the past ten years, it has moved nearly an inch.

Now, you are very, very close to death.

So he finally killed me.

He beat me after all. What?

Nothing.

There's nothing you can do?

I'm afraid no.

But you feel no pain?

No.

How long?

Hard to say.

Not very long.

What will you do now, comrade?

I've served this country faithfully for ten long years.

I think now they'll permit me to go home.

Home?

But first I want you to certify me dead.

Afternoon.

I'm as good as dead, aren't I?

Then I want to go home.

Back to the taste of warm, bitter beer.

The sound of a cricket bat.

Thanks, Gambit. Thanks for the workout.

When on earth do you learn to bowl?

At home.

Oh, that explains your weird delivery.

Your back garden very small?

Nonexistent. It was a yard.

That does explain it.

Anyway, what's wrong with my bowling?

You don't bowl. You hurl it. You chuck it like a baseball player.

Well, what's wrong with baseball?

Compared with the intelligent flow of cricket.

Well, at least it's more interesting to watch, eh?

What, and cricket?

Are you sure this is just lemonade, Birdie?

Well, it looks a bit sad, so I added a dash of vodka to cheer it up. Oh, well,

in that case... Not bad.

You've invented a new drink.

Vodka and fizzy lemonade.

And bitters. To cheer up the vodka.

No, to cheer up the gin.

Persuade, aid?

Sounds a bit medical.

A purdka. Right.

Here, have a purdka.

Steve?

Steve?

Steve, is something wrong?

Someone just walked over my grave.

Barman, give me one for the road, will you?

That is all. Have one for yourself as well. Thanks very much.

Here. Keep the change.

Thanks very much, sir.

Thank you, and good night.

Oh, and thank you for the stimulating conversation.

Good night, sir. Thank you.

You're trash.

Keep trash.

But you'll have to do.

If we were in a different car, I'd put my head on your shoulder.

Would you mind?

If I were to say yes, you can shoot me.

Or 30 by me.

Shouldn't dream of doing either.

It's very comfortable, shoulder.

Seen a lot of servants.

That means it's a very experienced shoulder.

You know, the Chinese don't think in terms of age.

Only experience.

But I'm not Chinese.

Which could be your only fault.

The nightcap?

Then I'll get you a taxi.

Let's start with the nightcap.

I've been burgled.

You've been vandalised.

fancied his impression of them.

Oh, you're lovely limousine. You're Dresden.

Oh, that's like on the bright side.

They overlook the water for glass.

And what's more important, that's fine cognac.

I don't feel like a drinker.

Not very.

The only thing that can't be replaced is the love and life of an old friend.

Now, if the Chinese didn't say that, they damn well ought to have done.

What were they?

They were memories.

I did pretty well.

You did the job of a thug.

A bull in a china shop would have meant exactly the same thing.

Look, if you want me to go on working for you... Oh, you'll keep working for

Not because of this.

Not because of the money.

Look into my eyes.

Do you know what you see?

Death.

Do you know what I see when I look in your eye?

Fear.

And you don't care.

You cross me and I'll break you like a dry twig.

You're trash.

But I worked with trash before. I've made trash work for me.

I've controlled it, directed it, lived with it for so long it sticks in my

nostrils.

to refine you.

Because the man I'm dealing with, he's not trash.

He's the best.

He's always the best.

Still the best.

Higher. Kick higher.

Whole place turned over, eh?

Deathmated.

Good. Excellent.

Did they take anything? Nothing.

Come on, Gambit, you're soft -peddling. I'm not. I'm flat out, ready to kill, I

promise.

Nothing at all?

Not a thing.

It was just pure vandalism, which somehow makes it worse.

You did say I was back -peddling, Purdy.

Do you mind giving me your blows above the waist, Purdy?

I've got a date tonight.

Then I'm striking a blow for womanhood and purity.

Purity? She's just completed a round -the -world cruise with five men for

company.

And then I'm striking a blow for insatiability.

Checkmate.

We could stay like this all year.

What, miss Christmas?

What a way to spend Christmas.

You're okay, Gambit. You're not bad yourself, Betty.

And Elizabeth.

Steve, cut up about it.

No. Cool as a proverbial cucumber.

Except... Yeah?

His school memories.

They broke his rocking horse.

Medals, trophies.

Silly but irreplaceable things.

They came in for most of the venom.

Well, I'm buying the lemonade if you're interested.

Gambit?

Lemonade? Bishes?

Vodka?

No, thanks.

Gambit, you're not sick.

Awful.

See you later, Purdy.

Indeed, why?

Well, there's enemies.

Enemies who want to put a bullet through your heart. Yes, but this, well, it's

so calculated.

Whoever it is knows me well.

Everything I cared about.

Yes, he knows me very well.

He or she?

I have a motto about women.

Always leave them laughing.

Has all the vindictiveness of a woman.

Aren't you rather betraying your own sex?

I'm a realist.

Inside every woman there's a degree of pure cap.

Steed?

Whoever it is, he's got to turn up in your file somewhere.

Someone with a grudge against you.

Someone you put away.

Yeah.

You coming?

You check the file.

I'll check my memories.

John Steed, from cradle to contemporary times.

Wow. Well, he has led an exceptionally active life.

And all apart from the more sensible moments you'll find in there.

Aren't there some of these missing? This only starts when he's 21.

Well, aren't you and Gambit working together on this one?

Gambit? He's got the other files. Steed's early life.

Ah, they were grand days.

Halcyon days.

They called me Pin Man, you know.

Pin Man Perry.

Obvious why, I suppose.

Always been spare -framed, thin.

But fit.

Oh, nowadays my exercise is confined to a stroll round the garden. And my fish.

Oh, you really must see my fish before you go.

Nothing exotic, you know, just ordinary goldfish, but they're my lads again, I

suppose.

They never called me Pin Man to my face. Wouldn't stand for that. Of course.

About those other boys, any of them keen rivals of Steed's? Oh, I encourage

rivalry. Brings out the sporting instinct, you know.

Yes, there were a couple of chaps. I had to pass them over for the school

cricket team.

Not good enough, you see.

Not when I had Steed as opening bat.

So they might have been jealous of him? Jealous?

Possibly. They may have thought I was showing favouritism towards Steed.

Not that I was, you understand.

No.

He was the best there was.

Do you remember their names, the jealous boys? Oh, they'd probably be on the

roll at the old school somewhere, but... Oh, my lads.

All my lads dead.

Now, who would do that?

Can I help you?

If you're looking for your son, I'm afraid the boys are at lunch at the

The big oak panel dining room.

And the rostrum that always creaked when the headmaster stood in it.

No, I'm not looking for one of the boys. I used to be one of them myself.

Oh, I see. A sentimental journey.

Oh, is that your name? Are you John Theed?

No.

Well, which of them is your trophy?

You don't keep a case for second best, do you?

But you're quite right.

It is a sentimental journey.

This room holds lots of memories for me.

You don't mind if I stay here for a while and just savour it?

No, of course not.

I'll leave you to it.

Savour it.

Now, you can't be one of the boys.

That tells me that your vision is unimpaired, that you can distinguish

the sexes, but not what you want.

I was looking for someone a trifle more, uh, senior.

A teacher.

That's me.

Penny Redfern.

Maths. That tells me we should get along.

Oh, you're a maths teacher too, are you? No.

But I'm good with figures.

Gambit. Mike Gambit.

What can I do for you, Mr Gambit?

What can you do for me?

Well, first I'd like to go over the school records list of all the old boys

and... And second?

Take it to dinner and then on somewhere for a nice quiet drink.

Like your place, Mr Gambit? The service there is highly recommended.

How well do you make some martini?

Well enough.

And please, call me Mike.

I'll go and find out where they keep the school records, Mr Gambit.

Don't go away.

Apparently the records are all kept in the trophy room.

Must

have

been that man I left in here.

Who? I didn't catch his name, but I thought there was something strange

the way he behaved. Strange? In what way?

Well, he seemed very bitter and angry.

What did he look like?

Oh, mid -forties.

Not handsome, not exactly ugly. Look at that.

Can you make up the name?

No, but I know it wasn't him because he said something about always being second

best. Second best? Yes.

I'll put the name under there, Steed.

That's right, John Steed. Victor Nadorum, 19... oh, years ago.

Victor who?

Nadorum.

It's a Latin term which means overall champion.

Sort of top dog in sports.

I thought everyone knew that. Not me, mate. Why your little lads was trotting

out the Latin, I was probably up the mizzen.

Up the what?

Up the mizzen. It's a mast on a ship.

Oh.

Yes, I joined the Navy when I was 14.

And I was never top dog.

Just a sea dog.

This picture of Doran, is there a runner -up?

Um, I don't know.

Forks isn't my line.

Don't say that. I couldn't take two disappointments in one day.

Well, I'll look in here, and you look in there.

Right. What am I looking for?

Sports events.

Anything Steve might have won. I want to find out who came second.

Why did you never mention this medal?

What medal?

Indeed, a man who's been awarded the Military Cross does not say what medal.

Which medal?

This citation reads like a boy's adventure story.

A machine gun post, single -handed.

Ah, yes.

A grenade fragment had torn my belt off. I was using the other hand to keep my

trousers up.

Doesn't mention that here.

I'm not surprised.

Why should it?

Well, it does seem to go into every detail.

Eh? Surprisingly intimate.

Steve.

What?

That's very odd.

Well, thanks for letting me know.

Who is that?

Club cricket captain.

Someone's been using a blowtorch on the pavilion building.

Have you burned it down?

No, just a small part of it.

That part of the honours board with my name on.

The sports trophies.

It's as though someone was trying to...

Deny your very existence.

Eradicate you.

So I can kill you and wipe you out of my life forever.

Try, Daniel. Steed.

Get on to overseas security, eastern sector.

Find out all the information you can on, uh, what was his name?

Comrade Commissar Bukowski.

Bukowski?

He used to be a friend of mine when he still called himself Mark Crayford.

Put it down.

You mustn't touch that, you understand.

Look, I've done all right, haven't I?

Well, have I let you down so far?

Well, this is different.

This requires another skill.

This is work for a person.

It is you out there, Mark.

Has to be.

Steed? I'm at overseas security now.

They ran your chap, Bukowski, Crayford, whatever, they ran him through the

computer.

He's dead.

Dead? More than a month ago, result of an old wound or something.

Are you absolutely certain about this, Purdy?

Well, it's a confirmed report.

Triple confirmation.

What do you want me to do now?

Well, I...

Steed? Steed!

Steed, what's happened?

Steed, answer me! Steed!

Steed?

Steed! Steed, answer me! What's happened? Steed!

Here's another name.

Steed seems to have outrun, outfenced, outwitted every boy in the school.

But no one name springs off the page.

Well, we'll have to check them all.

Miss Redfern!

Oh, Headmaster.

He may be able to help you. Miss Redfern, is this an example to set our

Well, they'll find out sometime.

But it's not what you think.

Unfortunately, yet. Uh, Gambit. Mike Gambit.

You will cooperate.

Good. Miss Redfern has a list of names there, and if you could put some present

addresses by them.

Thank you.

See you for dinner about eight?

Headmaster.

Miss Redfern, do you understand that you planned the last ignation with that

person? I certainly have.

And, Headmaster, if you're going to say it's the school or him, I'm afraid the

school knows it.

You're lucky, Theodore.

No optical trauma, no concussion, very superficial head wound.

But a fraction of an inch closer... Remarkably lucky.

Then you weren't born, were you, Steve?

You were found under a four -leaf clover.

How are you feeling?

Drums crashing the cranium, cymbals in either ear, the earth shaking.

Headache?

Definitely.

I just heard the news.

You OK, Steve?

Did you still find the shot?

Gambit, he's okay, apart from his headache.

Oh.

Any ideas on who did it?

I thought I had, but he turned out to be dead.

Come on, both of you. He needs to rest.

Not a bit of it. There's nothing but an aspirin and brandy and soda.

You're all right.

Nothing but a crystal wound.

The distraction is a very poor shot.

Or the best there is.

There's just warning shots.

He's telling us he can get Steve whenever he wants to.

car was stolen.

Where from?

What about fingerprints?

Clean.

Okay. Keep checking.

I thought you said dinner, not a sauna.

Unforeseen circumstances.

Can I come in?

Of course.

You're hurt.

No, I'm not hurt.

Oh, but it does hurt.

Here, let me.

What were you doing running for a bus?

Oh, something remarkably like that.

I'll settle for a sandwich.

Yeah?

I don't mind staying here.

Then I can help you move in.

I moved in four years ago.

Just I've never had a chance to unpack.

Is that the lot?

For the moment.

I don't think we know each other well enough for you to dress my more serious

wound.

Yet.

Yet?

I'll get that sandwich.

I identified that man, I think.

Have you? Well, it's only an old -school photograph, but some people never

change, especially the eyes.

I think that's him there.

That must be young Steve beside him. It is.

The name's on the back.

Mark Crayford.

Then he isn't dead.

Definitely not. The man I saw was very much alive.

Hey, what are you doing? Sorry, I've got to take a rain check this time. What

about... Soon.

Very, very... Soon?

That's it, then.

That's a lot.

Would you like to check?

Speakers, output jacks, cable.

Heavy duty for outdoor work. Amplifiers, microphone.

Microphone.

Do you know, a few years ago, I would have killed you for a mistake like that.

can get one. Well, get two, get several.

This is a mammoth production.

Mark Crayford presents.

Go on, you guys.

Mark Crayford presents.

Definitely for one performance only.

Please take your seats promptly.

The curtain goes up precisely on time.

Steve? No, Crayford. Mark Crayford.

Thank you for your help, Doctor.

I'm an authority here, and I'm ordering you to get back into that room. A

wounded man may assume responsibility for discharging himself from hospital

care.

Paragraph 5, subsection 14A. Look it up for yourself.

While I'm doing that, you'll be long gone.

That's the idea, yes.

I'm all right, George. Really, I'm all right. But I need to be out of here.

So he can take pot shots at you again?

Perhaps. What Purdy said was right.

Warning shots.

I've been well and truly warned.

Oh, George.

Power of five, subsection 14A.

I made it up.

Anything?

First, the bad news.

He and Steed have been buddy -buddies since they were kids.

So he'd know better than most how Steed's mind works.

Also, he's got a class A1 plus pass, which means he's a top man, efficient,

trained to kill, mean, ruthless.

What about the good news? There isn't any.

How about his psychological interview?

That'll be on tape. Let's hear it.

Yes, that may well be, Mr. Grayford.

But what makes you think you are fitted to this particular work? John Steed. I'm

sorry, I... I mean, if he can do it, I can.

I see.

You feel yourself superior to Steed? Well, at least equal to.

Not that I've ever beaten him, except once.

But that was on my own terrain.

Yes, I beat him once.

They should make that area a place of historic interest. Rope it off.

Yes, sir.

Have you checked it? Oh, yes.

Well, check it again when you place the clock.

Nothing I'd hang a flag on. Crayford isn't dead. He's alive. And he's back in

this country.

Conjecture. Educated guess.

So, he's entered this country quietly, illicitly.

Where would you go, Sandy?

Hotel? No, no hotel. You need papers and passports, questions.

Same if you rent an apartment.

He's lying low somewhere.

Somewhere he feels safe.

And if he feels safe? He must know a place like the back of his hand.

But where?

Hello? Oh, dear, you all right?

Of course I'm all right. What is this? Everything I care about.

You said it, remember?

Steed?

You said it. But Steed... My pictures, my porcelain, the Bentley.

You.

Yes.

You will take great care of yourself, won't you?

For me.

Yes, I will, Steed.

Good night.

Good night.

Recognize my voice, do you?

After all these years?

Second best, Steve?

No.

I was always the better man.

Always.

I want you to die by inches, Steve.

By minutes.

Seconds.

Like me.

That's why I've got Purdy.

She'll die in your place.

And then you.

Slowly.

Slowly, so I can savor it.

That'll bring you to your knees, won't it, Steed?

That'll humble you, won't it?

On your knees, begging.

History will look back on the two of us then.

And they'll know who was the second best.

And a life for a life.

I'll treat you soon.

But first, Purdy, to make yourself suffer.

Purdy.

Go back to your house, Steve.

Near the sundial you'll find the clock.

And when it rings, that's the moment I'll kill Purdy.

Ready, Steve?

Why? Why must I kill you?

Why must I kill Steed?

Because Steed killed me.

Ten years ago, he put a bullet in my chest.

And it's here.

And it's moving.

And very soon I shall be dead.

Well, you've done everything possible.

Put his picture on the hotline, warned all agents. He's an old hand. He'll spot

them a mile away.

He's good.

Yes, one of the best.

One of the best.

And he even beat Steve once.

Didn't he?

You feel yourself superior to Steve?

Well, at least equal to.

Not that I've ever beaten him, except once.

But that was on my own terrain.

His own terrain?

That's where it hired up, isn't it?

Somewhere familiar, somewhere he knew well.

Yeah, but where?

There's no hint of where that place is. But Steve would know, wouldn't he?

I don't want to get mixed up in no killing.

You said we were just going to throw a scare into him.

Not killing.

You tried to mug me, and I wasn't the first.

You hit a man too hard, and what have you got?

A dead man.

And for what?

All for the contents of one small wallet.

All right, but afterwards we split and run.

Right.

What you do afterwards is of no concern to me. You see, I won't be running

anywhere.

It doesn't matter whether they catch me.

Just as long as Steed suffers.

I'll take him with me.

It has to be somewhere nearby.

Perhaps within a 50 -mile radius.

Yes, I know that's a wide area to cover, but it has to be done. We've got to

find Purdy.

And let me know as soon as you find anything.

Anything. We've got to find her.

Purdy.

Mark's got Purdy, hasn't he?

He's crazy.

He threatens to kill her at exactly 5 a .m., the moment this alarm rings.

Who knows where he's hiding her?

Perhaps you do.

Because he beat you once. No.

He never did beat me.

That's the whole point behind what he's doing. But he did beat you, Steve, just

once in his own terrain. I don't know where or when it was.

Perhaps you were kids, but he did beat you.

Kids.

You've got to think back, Steve, to that one time. That one time he scored over

you. Now, where was it?

Kids.

The folly. What?

Victorian folly. Used to play there.

This is the scene of my triumph.

These ladders run right to the very top, and up above there's a bell.

And we stood.

One on either side.

And we counted.

One.

And the first person up rang the bell.

The scene of my triumph.

The only time I ever beat Steed.

Until now.

How much time left?

Different sort of bell this time.

I heard a car.

No.

Check it.

Look.

We can't have unexpected visitors at a time like this, can we?

Personally, I'd welcome it.

Yes, I'm sure you would.

We've got three minutes.

There's only one way in.

No. Not if I take the answer.

I'd like to see the dawn come up.

Don't you?

No, of course.

You wouldn't, not under the circumstances.

It'll be quick, I promise you.

I want to see Speed suffer naturally, of course, but you...

I win, John.

I win.

At last, I win.

Steed shot him.

It was ten years ago.

Years before that, when we were children. I know.

Was the only time he ever beat you?

No, he didn't.

He cheated.

He brought a thumb with him and threw it at the bell.

And you never told him you knew?

He desperately needed to win.

How could I tell him?

He was my friend.