Original subtitles

Excellent turnout, Bertie.

Nothing, girls.

One, two, three.

Excellent.

Remember when you're screaming, you're screaming for England.

You're sweating.

Yet it is not so warm here.

Not nearly so warm as you will find things at home.

You will walk calmly to the aircraft, Professor Vasil.

You will walk.

Or we will carry you.

Professor, this is Roland.

He grows roses.

The variegated variety, isn't that so, Roland?

I also dabble in the traditional kind.

Do you do any gardening, Professor?

No, I... I just want to stay alive.

Well, that's not your problem anymore, Professor.

That is more of a problem for dear old Peroff.

Now that he's bungled this one.

Peroff, such failure.

Monumental.

They will be sympathetic.

They must be. No.

You're right. It is a failure of monumental proportion.

We knew Professor Bastille was going to defect.

But still he was snatched from under our noses.

Snatched by a group of...

Screaming girl.

No, the failure I can't stand, but the laughter I cannot.

And you will take over from me now?

Perhaps, if I'm considered worthy.

You're a good girl, Olga.

But now, would you leave me for a moment, please?

I cannot face the laughter, Olga.

I cannot face the laughter.

Mirov?

Mirov?

Steed. Olga.

The exceptionally beautiful spy.

I'm a cultural attaché.

Oh, yes.

And you're always making jokes.

Make jokes, not war.

I thought it was make love, not war.

What a delightful idea.

Except for that high wall between us.

You came out of a sense of sadness, perhaps?

Yes, tinged with a sense of relief.

A pair -off was always the trickiest of your cultural attaches.

You'll be able to use this one again, Cartney.

I always do.

How are you feeling?

Very much alive.

It's a good trick.

What? A drug that suspends the heart.

And the respiration.

I assure you an even better thing.

Take a card.

Give me a card.

David?

Darling, what's wrong?

David?

What if it... Susie, grab your coat. Take the car and go straight to the

cottage. Wait for me there.

What?

We knew it might happen one day.

David. Now go. Go now and stop for no one.

Charlie. Go.

I'll join you as soon as I can.

He sends his wife scuttling away.

It's no more than I expected. Miller was always a weak link. I knew we couldn't

rely on him.

It was always a risk.

A calculated risk.

Who is this, please?

Steed, John Steed.

I'm so sorry you've been in trouble.

Wrong number, I suppose.

He got away, but he tried to call Steed.

I expected that, too.

And at least we know where he's heading.

Oh, just some fillies I've toyed with.

Oh.

She's magnificent.

Yes, beautiful.

We went through some tricky situations together.

Faithful, reliable.

And this one?

Oh, she's very spirited and very special.

Fantastic creature.

Had to take the whip to her sometimes.

And the other one?

Excellent.

Great action, but lacked her oats too much.

I sold her to an Arab prince.

I think he eventually had to shoot her.

Shoot her?

Oh, I thought you... I thought you were referring to these.

Steve!

Steve!

It's David Miller.

David.

David.

David.

David.

David. David. David.

David. David. David.

David.

So far, so good.

So far, perfect.

But we must not rest on our laurels, eh?

What's that?

It's you.

Your ashes.

To be sent back to our beloved homeland, no doubt?

Yes. Send them to the embassy. They'll deliver them.

And...

You know where to deliver this?

Spence? Very good, Purdy.

Better touch too much compassion.

You are now dead.

Spence?

A little too much confidence, then.

You didn't say the lesson was over.

Oh.

Very clever.

And the lesson is over.

Isn't it with some throw? She's some girl.

Mike! Mike!

Damn it!

Hey, it's good to see you. You don't come round here nearly enough.

How's it going?

Fine, Spence, fine.

Did she use her most potent weapon?

Eh? Her big, helpless smile.

Someone left this on the door for you. I think.

You get all the luck. Do you know that, Spence? Luck? Yes. Getting to wrestle

with beautiful women.

Oh, I'm joking.

Have you come for a workout?

No, looking for a squash partner.

Want to oblige? No, thank you. I've seen you playing squash.

What about you, Spence? What's that?

Game of squash.

Money on it?

No.

Tell you what.

The winner gets to take Purdy out to dinner. Yeah, you're on.

We need something to inspire us.

Well, I've seen Spence playing squash. All right.

I haven't seen Spence.

And these things work together.

Mike, why, um, why squash?

Why not really work out?

Or fight to the death. Why not, unless you're afraid to face me?

Must be worthy.

All right, I get changed.

Well, meet someone in a dark alley, Mike. You, um, don't have time to change

into a robe, huh?

Right.

Now, outside, you. Oh, why?

No rooting for either side.

Shall I book the table, or will you, Spence?

It's been a long time.

Yes, it has.

I've taught you everything you know.

I've added a few things since then.

Theory into practice.

In that case, we'd better observe the formalities.

Are you crazy?

For Pete's sake, you're killing me.

Sven?

There's still time for a game of squash.

He tried to kill me.

Why?

We'll send these photographs back to his family.

Right. No, Thorsten.

Get rid of that thing.

And these?

The house of cards.

Without pair of their uses.

Pardon.

Just a minute.

No hearts.

What? The heart. The whole suit of hearts is missing.

Spence. Good old Spence.

I've known him since I started.

It's like...

But it's like finding out that Buckingham Palace has been leased to the

A mixed matter, but I get the point.

I felt equally confused when David Miller fell dead on me.

As though someone had taken the teddy bear out of your bed.

I don't have a teddy bear in my bed. He keeps it in a safe deposit, along with

his other valuables.

Now, David Miller was having breakfast here with his wife.

He opened his letters and... And found this.

Well, that's what he's trying to say, isn't it?

Beware king hearts.

Beware, indeed.

Some kind of code.

A death warrant.

Roland will help us over there.

Are you coming with me?

Well, Purdy, now, if we could find David's wife, she obviously left here in

hurry. She took a car and... And went to their country cottage.

Well, they seem to be doing something to the garden.

And you don't tend a garden unless you own it.

Logical. Definitely.

And there are only about 20 million cottages spread across England.

Not with a church in the background.

Not with a church with a Flintstone Saxon tower.

Didn't I tell you? My father's a bishop.

He'll track it down in no time.

Purdy, you said that your father was shot as a spy ten years ago.

That was before he became a bishop.

Purdy!

Before? Before my father became a bishop.

My mother remarried.

Her fence to a fail.

It's unforgivable.

Our people are losing their edge.

They're getting flabby.

Everyone is getting flabby, Cartney, but me, I get lighter on my toes. I get

more cunning.

Now, the fact that Gambit is still alive is not so terrible. It may even work in

our favor.

It may help them to get the message sooner.

And speaking of messages...

To turn the other cheek.

To love thy neighbor.

In the face of the aggressions and the adversities of today's world...

Is that possible?

A question that haunts us all.

And I will give you the answer.

Is the aggressor your enemy?

Or is he God's?

Ask yourself.

Look deep into yourself.

And if your enemy is God's enemy, then...

Smite him down!

Roland?

Roland?

Roland?

Shh.

Roland.

Something we need your advice on.

We came round right away.

What are we whispering for?

They're... they're mating.

What, right out here in the open?

Very permissive, huh?

It's a beautiful moment.

For them, maybe.

Harvest sunrise beats joy.

Brought together for the first time.

They should bring about a progeny of wondrous hue.

The green fly, black fly, black spot and mildew don't get at them first.

Well?

Well, what do you think?

Obvious.

They're playing cards, cut in half.

Something more than that.

One of them proceeded a murder.

And the other, a near murder.

Code cards?

Something like that.

Cards.

Code cards.

Cards. The House of Cards. The House of Cards.

It was an unconfirmed rumor, but they did say that Peroff... Peroff's

dead. Never mind, go on.

Some years ago,

Must be about 20.

Peroff went out of sight.

We knew he was up to something.

Then we found out. What?

That he was up to something.

Codenamed the House of Cards.

Which was?

That we never found out.

Something deadly, something devious.

Well, that was Peroff's style, wasn't it?

You know, I think I'm going to miss the old... Roland!

Forgive me, I'm disturbing you. Not at all, not at all. Always a pleasure.

Frederick reminded me that I promised to visit. And just in time. They haven't.

Not quite.

But they're definitely thinking about it.

Splendid.

Moms! A miracle of nature.

Aided, of course, by a push from Rome.

Do you play golf?

I ask because I do not.

Though I understand it can be the most absorbing of occupations.

Forsaking all others, I... No, no, wrong ceremony altogether.

No,

what I meant to say was that Roland and myself, we are both fascinated by the

propagation of rumors. Oh, sorry, this is John Steve.

Mr. Steve.

Michael Gambit. Mr. Gambit. John Steve.

Oh, I must confess, sometimes when I should be bravely leading my flock, I

I am preoccupied with the voraciousness of the green fly.

Sinfully preoccupied.

I suppose you might say, in the modern vernacular, that I'm something of a rose

nut. Well, sir, I'm sure you've met your match in Roland.

We've been touched.

Yes, if I remember any more, the cross between the queen's poacher and the

harbinger maiden is like a positive love marriage.

Funny you should mention Peroth. I was thinking of Peroth.

Yes, so was I.

He's the trickiest of them all.

I had thought I might go back to the crematorium.

I struck down a sinner.

This is astonishing.

He's been with me for years, nearly 20 years.

He must have had a brainstorming aberration. He pulled a gun on me, tried

kill me.

Bishop, do you happen to have a stepdaughter?

About so high, graceful, very new -bound?

Yes, indeed I do, but how did you know? I noticed the resemblance.

Resemblance? But she's my stepdaughter.

Somebody tried to murder Roland.

Took a pot at him.

By the potting shed.

We were right, then.

Whoever took the cards got a peril.

And it's mayhem all the way.

You know who they'll try for next, don't you?

Steve. Steve.

You want me to?

No.

I'll take care of Mr. Steve Perkins.

David taught me to use the gun.

He told me that I... I must use it if anyone at all came and used our name.

We're known here as Mr. and Mrs. Jones, you see.

David's dead, isn't he?

Frederick.

You tried to murder Roland.

Why? I had to.

I always had to.

Twenty years with the bishop, driving him here and there.

Twenty years, and then suddenly... Why?

What does this mean?

I was trained.

I had to follow... The card, Bray. Tell me about the card. The card?

I don't know.

I'm just one of a pack. There was the card.

Half a card.

David had the other half.

If he'd ever arrived, he would have to go to... go to work again.

To go to work again?

What kind of work?

He wouldn't say.

But he did say again.

So it must have been work you'd done before.

He... He joked once about being retired.

Being sent to sleep.

Sleep. He said sleep.

Did he ever use the word sleeper? A sleeper?

David Miller.

I ran his record back 21 years.

And that's as far as it goes.

21 years.

After that, it gets hazy.

He went to schools that don't exist anymore.

Had friends who are conveniently missing or dead.

Worked for companies that burned down.

All the classic hallmarks of a sleeper.

David, he was a friend, a good friend. That's why he died.

He wanted out.

He was trying to warn you.

He died still a good friend.

It's all working perfectly.

Perfectly?

It was as though he only began to exist 20 years ago.

Before that blank, nothing, nothing he could tell me.

Mrs. Miller, was David alone?

That past he wouldn't talk of.

Was there anyone from that time he ever mentioned?

No.

Yes. I don't know.

Yes?

Well, it was quite recently.

At a hunt ball.

You know how mad keen on horses David and Steve were.

Well, there were about 300 people.

And there was one.

When we were introduced, I knew that David met her before.

He was so shocked.

Met who before?

Well, this woman.

What woman?

I don't remember her name.

But Steve certainly will.

Or he brought her. She was the date.

No.

Let me.

You sit down.

Relax.

You need a woman's care.

You think so?

Oh, definitely.

But not anyone.

What the devil do you think you're doing?

It wasn't in her coat pocket, so it must be in her purse.

John, is she mad?

Yes, I think so. Pretty.

Her purse. Look in it.

I'm not going to ransack through a lady's personal possessions.

She's no lady.

You're overwrought.

Give me that gun.

Look in her purse.

Look in it.

I'm sorry, Jo.

Sorry.

With Steed's name on the back of it.

She came here to kill you.

You weren't doing that, were you, Joanna? You were coming to warn me.

There's no gun.

She must have planned something else, then.

I'm sorry, Steed.

And I really am.

They... Promise me it would be quick.

Painless. Who promised you? I don't know. It came through the mail with the

card. Who from? Who sent it? Can I talk to you alone?

John.

Let me go, John.

Let me run.

You'll never see me again.

The idea of prison... I'd die, John.

We meant something to each other. Indeed we did.

Then you'll let me go.

I never did tell you about my marriage.

My one and only marriage.

I married a job. I married a profession.

I've been very faithful.

John. John!

Cartney? Mr. Cartney?

Yes?

It was you who called me?

Yes.

An emergency, you said? A dying man?

No dying people here, Dr. Tullivan.

Only dead ones.

Is this some kind of sick joke?

Tullivan!

Well, don't you recognize me?

Oh, but why should you? It's been more than 20 years.

But I know you, Taliban.

Or Ivanskovich.

Perov?

You do recognize me.

Perov, why are you here?

You know why.

That's in the past.

Forgotten. I'm respected now. A doctor. I work... You work for me.

You always have.

Oh, did I perhaps train you too well, comrade? Did I make you too English?

No, no, no, no. That cannot be.

You would never forget the old loyalties, would you?

Would you?

No, no, of course not.

It's such a shock, that's all.

Such a shock.

What do you want of me?

All I could find was a pork chop and completely out of beefsteak.

I feel deeply ashamed at hitting a woman.

But you were unlucky. You came along when I needed to hit something.

Feeling better?

I feel terrible.

I don't think it's going to bruise.

Now, what were you doing out there, Olga?

Out where?

Oh, come now.

You must have been out there the whole time, watching. Why?

Just to see that Joanna put the poison in the right drink?

You don't think that... I don't know what you're talking about.

Then how about a house of clowns?

Wait not, want not.

Save a little, make a little.

They also thrive who stay alive.

Shall we talk about Comrade Perov?

The late lamented Perov.

Cat, got your tongue.

Or perhaps you're the quiet kind.

Reticent.

Need to...

Warm up a little first.

The House of Cards is the code name. For a batch of sleepers.

Agents kept in cold storage until they wanted.

It was old Pyrrhus' idea. He infiltrated 13 agents in this country more than 20

years ago.

All of them trained to Sessions.

All of them ready to kill.

Unconscious. What?

I got here just as he was breaking in and clobbered in for you.

You'll be out cold for a couple of hours, I'd say.

Well, why didn't you tell me before?

Why did you wait until I got to... Silly question.

Silly question.

Gam, if you know one of these, please.

You keep saying that.

Would you please get out of my bedroom?

Oh, I'm sorry.

It seems that the golden age of chivalry is quite dead. Not quite.

I mean, no more white chargers or dragons.

But I did save your life.

He was carrying it.

That completes the circle.

You, me, Steed, Roland.

And?

Professor Basil.

We pulled their caper together.

I thought that we were the only three on the list.

Apart from Peroff.

Peroff dead?

No.

That's been at the back of your mind too, hasn't it? That Peroff is still

Well, Peroff's the trickiest of them all.

He's the master of the double play.

It's definitely his style.

This match's a revenge, a grudge.

Peroff's too astute for that. If he is alive, he's got an awful lot of cards

left to play.

Against us?

No. Far out.

But that's impossible.

Basil's in safe ground.

Only you know where he is.

Peroff can't possibly get at Basil, can he?

Until a few hours ago, I thought a lot of things were impossible.

Basil's a very important store.

I think I should be minding it. Want us along?

It'd be better if no one knows where he is.

I suppose I could try putting the squeeze on the lovely Olga.

See if she has any ideas with Perelphys.

We?

If the lovely Olga is going to be squeezed, I think I should be there too.

Just in case you get carried away.

Well, ask her to call me, will you?

Yes, John Steeds.

As soon as possible.

The lovely old girl is not available at the moment.

Thinking of committing harikari?

Well, don't.

If you're thinking of throwing yourself away, throw yourself my way.

Paddy!

You've swallowed it.

She's swallowed it.

Paddy.

What is going on, Turdy?

You are crazy.

Start staring... Shut up and keep looking up there.

Not there, north.

What am I looking for?

A helicopter. What else?

A helicopter, right.

Purdy, you are dying. You are poisoned.

It's the point. I'm not.

Well, do I look as if I'm dying?

Well, how do I look?

Beautiful. Wonderful.

Fantastic. Really? Honestly.

I don't know when I've seen you looking so good. Now, keep your eyes on the

road.

All right, Bertie, I believe you, so you are not dying.

Now, will you please stop the car and tell me... There it is!

I heard that helicopter when you were telephoning Olga.

Look, I'm not usually slow on the uptake, but if you just... Just keep

firmly fixed on it.

Gambit! All right, all right, but keep your eyes on the road.

Why didn't Peroff kill Steve?

What? He shot David Miller. Steve was right there at the time. He could have

shot him then.

Gambit, just keep looking at it. I am.

I'm sure you have a point, a very good point. Now, if you could just slow down

and we could discuss... That poison capsule.

Why use poison when she could have slid a knife between his ribs or pulled a

trigger?

That capsule was filled with water.

If you say so.

Peroff didn't want to kill Steed. He wanted him scared.

Scared for Vassal's safety.

He wanted him racing off to find Vassal.

And that up there is him following Steed.

Steed is leading him to Vassal. Don't lose that helicopter.

Turning west.

Turn. But Gambit, the road.

To hell with the road. Turn.

After that helicopter.

But this is a field. I know it's a field. Just follow the helicopter.

So if we're in a cliff, we go over the top? We'll certainly try.

What better way for Peroth to reinstate himself and return home a hero and a

blaze of glory? With Vathal's head.

It's getting dark.

Somewhere beyond those trees.

You take the road, I'll cut that.

Time to go, Professor.

A trifle extrovert, perhaps, but it is necessary to convince you.

There is only one exit, and I have it covered.

You could try to run, perhaps, but you must realize you would present a perfect

target that even I could not miss.

What do you want?

Not you. Why should I kill you? You have served your purpose.

I want Vasil.

Professor Vasil.

I fancy taking him home in style with me.

However, if you refuse,

Then, regrettably, I shall be forced to set fire to the place and lose my moment

of glory and both of you. I have a grenade for the purpose.

But why should you die?

Why, indeed.

What's the deal?

Vasil, out of the door. You remain inside while we walk away.

I've got just five seconds.

I'm a busy man.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

All right.

He's coming out.

Don't you understand, Professor?

Mr. Steed has chosen discretion as the better part of valor.

Walk towards me, please.

Far enough, Professor.

A fire grenade could not guarantee your death.

And it is only your death which will reinstate me.

Goodbye, Professor.

Knockout? He hit me.

He shot that.

I

couldn't

have let the dear old professor step out in the line of fire, now could I? I

wouldn't have been sporting.

Suppose he'd tried for a headshot.

Hair off.

He's one of the old school, mean and nasty.

Always aim for the body, then if you miss, you maim.

You know?

John Steed.

You're beautiful.

I'm its best.