Original subtitles

Baxter to control.

Come in, Baxter. I can't see Rostov.

Think you may have passed out in the bath?

Maybe.

Can't tell for sure.

All right, you'd better carry out a routine sickness check.

Edward.

Right. Ready when you are. Password.

I'll clear that. Baxter!

Baxter!

Baxter, what's happening?

Alarm! Sound the alarm!

Rockstar has escaped!

What happened?

It's locked up.

I'm dead!

It is good to see old friends again.

A toast to our benevolent host.

I give you John Steed.

Oh.

Allow me.

And another toast.

Steed's partner in crime.

You certainly know how to pick them.

She's delectable, she's delicious, she's... A tab hand with a caviar

Gentlemen, I give you Tara King.

Tara King. Tara King.

And another toast. Oh, no.

My turn.

To Paul Ryder, George Neville.

We've trained together.

We've fought together.

And I hope we shall remain together for many years to come.

Oh, dear. It's all gone solemn.

Positive lip to Palkra.

That'll never do. Oh, I don't know.

Steve was tall enough during the EBA, weren't you, Steve?

Remember that?

The E -B -A.

The E -B -A.

The E -B -A.

Exploding bootlaces affair.

And the G -A -P.

Don't let's forget that.

G -A -P. Greater assassination plot.

And what about the G -T -R?

Ah!

The GTR.

Couldn't possibly overlook the GTR. The Great Train Robbery. Granny Titty

Feathers Rum.

Kick like a mule.

Homemade. Fortified us against the dawn vigils. Yes, and talking of dawn, it's

time I was off, I think. Oh, but surely you're not. It's past five, you know.

Five?

I'd come with a monkman, then.

I think I'll walk.

Now, look, I can... Oh, no, it's not far. It'll do me good.

Till next time.

Next time, it's my place.

Tara.

It's been a great pleasure meeting you.

Glad, Paul.

George. Paul.

See you all again soon.

All right. Bye -bye. Take care.

Right, then.

Let's have another one for the road.

I miss Lillard.

A memorable evening, Steve.

Made doubly memorable by your presence.

Thank you. As Paul said, we must do it again soon.

Enemy agents permitting.

Let me give you a lift.

I wouldn't hear of it.

I'll grab a taxi at the end of the road.

Tara?

Call you later in the week, I'll check.

Good night.

Good night.

I like them very much.

So do you.

I wouldn't be here if it weren't for them.

Rostov must have been hiding in here somewhere.

Yes, I don't know.

I shouldn't have thought Baxter was the kind of man to make mistakes.

Plus the fact there isn't anywhere in here a man could hide and not be picked

by this.

Perhaps Rostov came through the scanner.

You checked it? Yes. And? Negative.

Baxter came in here.

Rostov suddenly materialized here.

Clobbered back, sir. Out through the door.

Then where?

Here.

He disappeared right here.

I tell you, the whole thing is impossible.

But it happened, Colonel.

It happened.

The hourly check.

No, how hourly? We've stepped things up since Rostov got away. Mind if I come

with you?

No, talk.

Lubin.

Looks harmless enough.

Stig, you said each of these men had an assigned target. That's right. Who was

Lubin's? Paul Ryder.

And what about him?

Esdorf.

He was the ringleader.

The most dangerous of the three.

And the toughest.

Yes, but his target, who was he sent to kill?

I don't know.

We interrogated him for three weeks and he wouldn't break.

He never told us who the target was.

I'd like to talk to him.

Now?

Edward?

Yes, sir?

Open up, there's no cell.

Yes, sir, right. Password?

Damsel.

He'll be here in the corridor.

It was inevitable that you would come to question me.

You don't change.

Nor you.

Externally, perhaps not.

You go to great pains to ensure my physical fitness, but internally,

yes, I have changed.

A great deal.

I am resolute.

You were always that.

More resolute.

And bitter.

Incredibly bitter.

Drink. Thank you.

It's good to see you, Steve.

Very good to know that you're still alive.

I never thought I'd hear you say that.

A long time.

A long time.

How do you occupy yourself?

I think.

I ruminate.

I plan.

I'm immensely proud of Rostov.

I trained him, you know.

He was my protege.

And now he is free.

And when...

Lubin has gone, too.

Lubin?

Yes.

He will be next.

You can't keep it here much longer.

First Rostov, and then Lubin.

And then me.

After him.

Go.

Kill!

There's someone in Esdorf's cell.

It's Steve.

Get him out.

Edwards, open Esdorf's cell.

Password, Damson. Right.

Close cell. He must have come up from behind.

Edwards. Sir? What's happening?

He's heading towards the east wing, sir. The east wing?

Then we've got it.

Well, where is he? I don't know, sir. He was only a few yards ahead of us. We

can hear him. All right, keep searching.

Edwards, write Scarlet alert.

Warn all exterior guards.

Nobody and nothing to leave the grounds without a triple search.

Personal transport, supply wagons, the lot. Right, sir.

The cell was empty.

I went in and there was Lubin.

And then, there he was.

I don't know how, Kurt. It just happened.

Tara? Hello, Steve?

Get to Paul Ryder as quick as you can.

Tell him that Lubin has escaped.

I can't phone him. He's moved his house and his phone's not fixed yet.

Tell him that Lubin is free.

Lubin, have you got that?

Ryder.

Just a second.

Did you get that other wallpaper?

I said, did you get the other paper?

I'm going to kill you, Ryder.

I'm going to complete my assignment.

I wanted you to see me before I killed you.

And you got there seconds after.

Split seconds. I heard the shot, ran into the apartment.

And no Lubin.

See, he just couldn't have got past me.

Just plain impossible. The whole business is impossible.

Lubin appears, then he disappears.

You don't believe in invisible men, do you?

Only when I can't see them.

Right.

Let's get down to business.

Oh, well, there's only one thing left.

Steve, that is not the answer.

Eh?

This is a clue.

Oh.

Content of Lubin Bell.

Cigarettes and light urn, newspaper, natural history magazine, vodka bottle.

All themed, normally enough.

Themed?

Vodka.

I'm sure that Lubin was a teetotaler.

It'd be on file, wouldn't it?

I'll check at the ministry.

And I'll check at the monastery.

You know, Steed, I think you're right.

Lubin didn't drink when he first came here.

It's only a month or so ago he put in a request to be allowed a liquor ration.

We let them have a bottle a month, you know.

Do you think it might have some bearing?

Perhaps, but I can't see how. I imagine you'd check every bottle.

Oh, better than that. I sample them personally.

That's quite a good blend.

I should think that Lubin took to drink out of sheer boredom.

Esdorf. He's the only one of the trio left.

Well, we've assembled the guards and spot checks right round the clock.

and checks haven't done as much good so far.

Now, for pity's sake, man, what more can I do?

Chains and manacles?

If we resort to that sort of thing, we might as well... Join the other side.

I'd like to see Esdorf again.

Password, fired up.

I thought all you did was think.

And plan.

What a plan. What a means of plan.

Unless one has the physical prowess to put it into action.

Are you still going to run away from us?

Run?

No, I don't think I shall run.

I shall walk.

I shall savour it. The pace of time.

No, Steed.

I will not be run.

a fine show of confidence.

I'm also being incredibly well -mannered, delicately avoiding the taboo

leaving it to you to mention the unmentionable Louvain.

Ah, and I wanted to spare your feelings.

Cheers.

What was it you said the last time you were here?

Oh, you're bluffing, yes, that's what you said.

You're bluffing.

Well, was I?

And now you say you're putting on a fine show of confidence.

Well, am I? So you will escape.

I will escape.

And complete your assignment.

You can depend on it.

I will complete my assignment.

Who is your target?

Oh, indeed.

We tried to extract that from you before, didn't we?

I told them they'd never break you.

Not you, Estelle.

You're far too good at your job.

No better than you, Steed.

We are evenly matched, you and I.

Aren't we?

That's where they chose me.

It amuses me to tell you now.

It is you, Steed.

You are my target.

I will find a special bodyguard to you. That won't be necessary, Colonel. But if

it's you, he's after and he gets out.

Well, it's up to you to see that he doesn't get out, isn't it?

Dodge. Dodge?

Professor Percival Dodge.

The man who vetted this place, sir. Gave his final clearance.

Oh, that chap. The ministry's tet -escapologist.

He's what you might call a scientific Houdini.

Professor. If you wouldn't do that.

How are you getting on?

I've covered the East Wing and Lubin's room with a fine tooth hammer.

Solid granite.

Two foot thick. Take a lifetime to chisel through here. No chance of a

panel or trap door?

No, I studied the plans.

Went over the place with a microscope.

If anyone could escape from here, I'd be as wild as me.

Given time, I pride myself there's a safe I couldn't pick or a lock I

crack. You were saying?

This evening I couldn't get out of here. I know. I've tried.

Files on Rostov, Lubin and Esdorf.

Thank you.

Will you excuse me?

Feeding time.

Lunch already?

I believe in feeding at short intervals. Every 25 minutes.

Ah.

Mmm, delicious little ant eggs.

Ant eggs?

Oh, I often throw in a beetle or two.

For, uh, hors d 'oeuvres, so to speak.

Oh, not for me.

For them.

Look at them.

The little deers.

Shouldn't they have some water?

They hardly ever drink.

No, I mean to swim in.

Lizards rarely swim, Miss King. They barf. Oh, I see.

Lizards.

I mean, I don't see. Where are they?

Oh, they're in there somewhere.

Cunning little beggars, they will hide away.

But they are in there somewhere.

Are you sure?

Oh, of course, I... Oxy?

Alfred. Sidney.

What's this?

Ah.

You may well ask. I am. Eh?

Asking. Roman numerals. I could see that. We found a copy in the sole of

man's shoe.

Rostov -Lubin and Eddard.

Yes, it's obviously in code.

But we've never been able to break it.

XXB -25.

Page 25.

Brian's Natural History magazine.

Cedric Brian here.

Hello. I'd like to get hold of a back copy of your magazine.

Which issue do you want? Oh, the special reptile issue. Oh, there's no problem

there. We have several copies left. I'm sure I can find you one.

Ah, yes.

I'll take that.

And Lubin went straight through the window and disappeared.

With the remaining copy?

Ah, no.

Lubin went, but the only remaining copy stayed.

Page 25.

Lizards and their... habits?

I've read it. Three rather intimate.

Disgusting habits?

Awful. And very crafty.

Listen.

importing company.

Oh, dear.

Yes? Well, after Lubin fell, there was a van.

And along the side of it was written... Magnus importing company?

Yes. I'll pay him a visit.

You get back to your lizard and, uh... Disgusting habits.

What? With Peter. That article might be a code.

I'm looking for a Mr. Magnus. You found him.

Ah.

Vodka. Vodka.

To be more precise, lizard vodka.

I hear that it's excellent. I thought I'd order a crate or two.

Impossible. Impossible?

We don't stock that line any longer. Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.

You mean to say you haven't got just one bottle somewhere?

Not even...

One bottle.

I see. Well, if you do get another consignment... We won't.

We have finished with the lizard vodka.

Didn't take, eh?

Ah, well.

I'm very sorry to have bothered you.

You've checked it?

With my usual thoroughness.

It's delicious.

Try to earn the price. I've got plenty of bite.

Smooth. Always special, isn't it?

Good. Let's hope Esdorf offers me a drop.

Edwards?

You have speaking.

Very gift.

Not a gift, exactly. You ordered it.

You did order it?

Yes. Yes, I did.

It's a brand I don't know.

So you would like to try it?

Pleasure.

The secret in here.

The secret of your character.

Always judge a man by his book.

Yes, he's right. It's smooth.

Smooth? But I expect Colonel James found it a trifle on the right side?

Yes.

I must say, I expected the books on mechanics and geography, but this

me. Natural history?

When a man has nothing to do.

Well, anything.

Yes, but toads and lizards. I wouldn't have thought that lizards were quite

line, Estor.

You are getting close, Steve.

Very close.

But you will never be close enough.

Perhaps the answer is in here.

Take it.

Study it. Draw and quarter it.

But you will never find the answer.

If the answer is in there to be found...

I do admire you.

Incisive, thorough, relentless.

A worthy adversary.

Equally matched.

We are very alike, you and I.

Identical. Now, where's the difference?

We are both dedicated to our country. We are both prepared to die for it. You

have killed.

I have killed.

There is a difference.

I kill when I have to.

You, because you like it.

How am I going to escape?

How? How did Rostov and Lubin escape?

Will I compress myself into the shape of an arrow and fire myself through the

bars? Or maybe filter my way through a crack in the walls?

Or convert myself into a liquid and...

Pour myself under the door.

You can't stop me, Steve.

You won't.

And then when I'm free, we'll face each other, you and I.

There will be you, and there will be me.

I'm smuggling in my hand.

will be a well -oiled beretta.

I prefer Missing Weston Magnum myself.

I'll remember that.

What's this?

It's a book all about lizards.

How very kind of you, Miss King. Most thoughtful.

But why should lizards interest Rostov and Lubin?

I can't imagine.

Except, of course, they do make the most delightful pets.

Like this one.

Alfred.

Isn't he a dear?

A chameleon.

Charming little things.

And one never tires of them because they're forever changing color.

All chameleons do, of course. It's something to do with the chromophore and

skin. They merge with the background.

See what I mean?

Nature's camouflage.

Astonishing, isn't it?

You'd never know he was there.

Thank you.

Uh.

I've just checked.

I'll check again.

Keep him on his toes.

Give me the colonel.

Thanks, sir.

It's Vesdov, sir.

I can't see him. Can't see him anywhere.

Should I look inside, sir? No, hold on. I'm coming.

Johnson, here.

Right, man. Stand by.

Take a look, sir.

All right, Edwards, open up.

Johnson. Williams.

Thanks for coming with me.

You come with me.

You two stay here.

Empire!

Quiet.

Edward, sound the alarm.

Three. Magnus, how is it done?

How is it done? The same principle as the chameleon. Ah, that tumble animal.

We've taken it further, that's all.

Pigmented plastoid.

More concentrated and spontaneous than the cells of that humble but remarkable

little lizard. You just pour it on. And one assumes the texture and color of the

background. Mm -hmm.

The perfect camouflage.

And now, your own gun, the Beretta.

I would prefer a Smith and Wesson. But you always... A Smith and Wesson.

Magnum. But... It's a joke.

Hello? Hello. Is Steed there?

Doesn't seem to be.

Then you'd better try and find him.

Warn him that Esdorf is out. Out?

Out!

He's gone!

And he's going to kill Steed.

Steed? Steed!

Steed!

He's not here yet, then.

I can wait.

I already have.

A long time.

Forgive me.

It's a sudden amusing thought.

You wouldn't understand.

Try me.

It's like a riddle.

I was trained never to turn my back on an enemy.

Because to turn my back put me at my most vulnerable.

But if I turn my back now, I am at my most invulnerable.

I said you wouldn't understand.

Oh, but I do.

Oh, come now. Like a chameleon merging with the background.

The nth degree in camouflage.

I am impressed.

It must be only the back of you that's treated with whatever it is.

Very impressed.

Tea taste obviously extends beyond the more bourgeois trappings of life.

And brains, too.

All right, Steed.

It is you or this charming creature.

Show yourself!

This is your last chance!

Come out, Steed!

I'm going to count!

One... Oh!

It seems I feared in the nick of time.

I preferred you in Pine.

And Esdorf, certainly.

around here, don't we?

Ah.

Glad to see you back.

Hi there.

Come on in.

How do you like my new outfit?

Stunning. Do you really think so?

I said so.

I bought it especially for you.

Steve? Where are you?

Here.

Cookie? No.

Oh, I know.

You're camouflaged as a pillar.

No.

Chest.

Or... as a bookend.

Now, Steve.

If you... You don't come out.

I won't give you your present.

I'm here.

I've got a leak in my tuba.

Where?

Here.