Original subtitles

Finally, may I impress upon you that this is a matter of the utmost secrecy.

The report must on no account be discussed outside these four walls.

Each of you will read it in turn and then pass it on to the man whose name is

next on the list.

When you're all fully acquainted with his contents, we will meet again to put

his recommendations into effect.

That is all, gentlemen.

You needn't wait any longer. Very good.

I'm sorry the silly old meeting took so long.

What did you talk about? Oh, routine stuff.

All very dull, I'm afraid.

Tell me about it. Not now. We've got more important things to talk about.

I want to hear about the meeting, though. But our little secrets are so

my love, they couldn't possibly interest a lovely girl like you. But that's

where you're wrong, Roddy.

I'm interested in everything about you.

Especially... Your secret.

What's the problem?

That's what I'm waiting to find out. You know what a sticky wicket is, don't

you? A difficult one.

Well, we're all batting on one now.

Why? There's a security leak at the ministry.

Which department?

Missile redeployment.

Hard luck.

That's impossible.

All missile personnel have a top QR security rating.

The evidence is overwhelming.

The other side seem to know our every move almost before we make it.

Any suspects?

Every man in the department.

I've had them under surveillance for two months.

Have you checked all their contacts?

With a microscope.

Perfectly legitimate.

Who's in charge there? Sir Rodney Kellogg.

So that's the situation, my love.

The report proposed a streamlining of the divisional areas and an overhaul of

the entire national security system.

Oh, I see.

So why you should bother your pretty little head as that tedious stuff is

me.

Nothing, Rodney.

I mean, there's just one thing that I'm not quite clear about.

What's that, my love?

Well, what happens to the Pearl Beach base after the reorganisation?

Oh, it'll be used as a decoy.

The new centre of the East Anglian complex will be at... That's enough, Sir

Rodney.

Who are you?

Metcalfe Security.

I thought something like this was going on.

I must ask you both to accompany me to headquarters.

I'm sorry, darling.

It was all my fault.

No, no, my love. It is I who is foolish. You mustn't blame yourself.

Oh, but I do.

I got you into this mess, and it's up to me to get you out.

Three shots.

Very civil.

We even shoot people in triplicate.

Yes?

Things are getting a bit odd, I'm afraid.

What do you mean?

They're on to Sir Rodney.

Then break contact.

Throw him to the wolves.

That's exactly what I have done.

I'm putting you under house arrest pending a full inquiry.

See that he's confined to his office until further notice.

Yes, sir.

There's one more thing, Sir Rodney.

Has it escaped your notice that there's been a security leak from this

department?

What did he say?

Nothing. He looked at me as though I was speaking Mongolian. So you don't think

he knew who Midcock was? I don't think he knew who anybody was. He was too busy

thinking about something else.

Any idea what?

No. He spent the entire interview in a kind of trance.

He kept looking into infinity with an idiotic smile on his face.

I wonder, would it be possible for me to see the personnel file?

It's in the detain surface.

I don't see why not, sir. I'll bet you for it. Thank you. Thank you.

Do you think he's being caught out?

Intimidation. Blackmail?

Infatuation.

I must ask you to control your natural frivolities, Miss King. This case could

have very serious consequences.

Sorry. Anyway, who ever heard of a respectable gentleman like Sir Rodney

his head over a woman? I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Why would he want the Starfest?

Arthur. Arthur. Arthur. Arthur Roberts.

Forge has to place London in 13.

Nothing will keep us apart now, dearest.

So you don't think Sir Rodney killed Metcalfe? I'm certain he didn't. He told

he had a firearms permit.

Have you checked?

There's nothing registered in his name.

And who's he covering up for?

The person who gave him this.

Ah, fancy handled.

Well, that suggests... A woman?

Not necessarily. A lot of men used these in the 19th century.

Yes, mother.

What?

Incompetent! Mr.

Rodney's escaped?

Jumped through a window 20 feet from the ground.

And what on earth would make a middle -aged civil servant do a stupid thing

that? Desperation.

Now?

Oh. Yes?

I was looking for Martha.

Martha Roberts.

Oh, auntie.

I'm afraid she's in the bath at the moment. Can I give her a message?

Well, not really.

Well, it's personal.

Oh, I see.

Well, can I say who called?

Just tell her it's Rodder.

Rodder. That's right.

Rogers. She'll know who that is, will she? Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, indeed she will.

Right.

I'm afraid I can't ask you in.

We're in a terrible mess at the moment. And Arnie doesn't receive visitors, so

she's had a chance to tidy up.

Oh, yes.

Personnel file. Now, why should he want to see the personnel file?

No idea, sir.

I didn't see any harm in it, so I went and fetched it for him.

You touched anything in here?

No, sir. We left everything exactly as it was.

Hmm.

I wonder what sort of personnel he was looking for.

Robin.

Darling.

Have they let you go?

No. I escaped.

Escaped?

Oh, you shouldn't have done that.

I know.

I should have had to be you again.

You must go back immediately.

Out of the question.

But they'll be looking for you.

I mean, you don't want to bring me into this, do you? They'll never find us.

We'll go. We'll disappear together somewhere far away where we can be safe.

All right, Rodney.

I'll go with you.

Take me wherever you please.

Darling, you made me so happy.

You'll never regret this, I promise.

But you might.

Never. Come on.

Pull up over there, Rodney.

But darling, we haven't much time. Please, do as I say.

Darling, I've got something I want to ask you.

Very well.

Kiss me, Rodney.

Of course, my love.

But don't you think we ought to... No, but... I want to make sure that you love

me.

You know I do, darling.

And you'll never leave me? Never.

Promise?

Promise.

Ah.

What a pity.

I'm sorry, darling.

There was no other way.

Never mind.

There are plenty more fish in the sea.

Poor Sir Rodney.

This is one murder he won't be able to accept the responsibility for.

There's no sign of a weapon.

None at all.

I wonder what he was doing around here.

Eloping? No, we don't want to go into that again.

I'm telling you, in cases like these, you've got to consider every...

Chez Chez Le Femme.

What is it?

French perfume. Very exclusive.

Can you identify it?

Of course.

Reckless abandon.

That is highly appropriate.

Who makes it?

A company called Bell Chamber Brothers.

Uh -huh, and what can I do for you, madam?

Ah, I'm looking for Mr.

Bellchamber. Oh, he's away at the moment in Provence, crushing lilies. Really?

I'm surprised she doesn't object.

Crushing lilies for Lily of the Valley, madam.

James always pops over about this time of year.

Well, if he's your brother, why isn't your name Bellchamber? It is, madam.

Well, then how do you know I wasn't looking for you?

Nobody ever does, madam. You see, I've got no personality.

What, none at all?

Not an iota.

My brother says that as a salesman, I'm a total disaster.

Really? Mm -hmm.

When he's here, he usually shuts me up in the back of the shop. How can I be of

service? Well, you could tell me something. Certainly.

Is Reckless Abandon a popular brand?

Among the wealthy and the discerning, madam, it's priced a little high for

pockets. So the average number of clients who'd use it would be... Ten.

Fifteen. Twenty at the most. You couldn't give me a list of their names,

you? It's a little irregular, madam.

Oh, well, you see, I'm writing this article, Perfumes of the Aristocracy.

I didn't think you'd be adverse to a little publicity.

So long as it's discreet, madam.

If you'll wait here a moment, I'll see what I can do.

Here you are, madam. As far as I can tell from our records, that's the

list. I'm very grateful, thank you. Perhaps you'd care to express your

in tangible form?

Oh, I see.

Um, yes. Could you send me a case of Lily of the Valley?

Certainly, madam.

Crushed by your brother, of course.

Get after that girl. Why?

She's got a lint with my name on it.

Has she now?

I've got her address.

Freeman, I've got a job for you. Yes, Chief.

Oh, what's the address again?

OK, Chief.

Yeah, I'll get to it right away.

I want you to help me eliminate some of the names on this list, Mother.

Tell me about Lady Vanessa Chumley Davenport.

Oh, well, you can forget her. I've known her since she came out in 1938.

The Honourable Melvina Treadworth Smith.

You can leave her out as well.

She's the platoon leader and the gal guide.

Ah. The Duchess of... Just a second, Mother. Someone at the door.

Hold it.

Well,

come along, Potter. I haven't...

Catanova, Inc.

Hello, Mother. Sorry to keep you waiting.

Tell me, what do you know about Catanova, Inc.?

A woman? You say Sir Rodney was killed by a woman?

It looks like it, Mr. Tate.

Did you ever see him with one?

Never. Avoided them like the plague. I can't quite blame him, really.

Why? Extraordinary creatures. Never been able to understand what makes them

tick.

And did Sir Rodney feel the same? But they were anathema to him. See, sheer

anathema. Mentioned women's suffrage and he'd go purple in the face.

Perhaps he was having an unhappy love affair.

Impossible. Like myself, he was a confirmed bachelor.

Cayenne.

And let's face it. When one gets to be my age, we are far too set on our ways

allow a woman to change us.

What is it?

The commission's report, Mr. Tate.

Ah, thank you.

If you'd just put a tick against your name when you've read it, and then pass

on to the next on the list. Right.

You were saying?

I was saying that what you suggest is out of the question feed.

If Sir Rodney was carrying on as they say, I would certainly have known about

it. I see.

I'm sorry to have wasted your time. Oh, not at all. Glad to have scotched the

rumour before it spread.

De mortuis nil nisi bonum.

De mortuis nil... Yes.

Yes, yes, exactly.

That's ridiculous.

Rodney was a dedicated misogynist.

One time he and I even considered forming a club for genuine woman

Rodney having an affair.

What rubbish.

I've got to go now, darling. So soon, dearest.

I can't hang around here all day.

I've got work to do.

When shall I see you again?

When you've got something to tell me.

There are so many things I want to tell you. Yeah, not those sort of things.

Important things.

Things I asked you to find out for me. How will I find you again, my angel?

You won't have to, Basil.

I'll find you.

Darling. Casanova Inc. Never heard of them.

Well, they've obviously heard of me. You seem to hold an attraction for them.

I wasn't even trying.

They were very eager to get rid of that list. Can you remember any of the names

on it?

Only the ones I told you.

Pity. You obviously didn't get to the one that really mattered.

Tate's nearly finished the book. He's had long enough now.

I'm moving in.

Oh, no.

Come in.

Are you the owner of the car number 308 HYH?

Yes. You are parked in a no -parking zone.

Am I?

Yes.

Have you anything to say?

Yes.

I love you.

Darling,

darling, it's all gone wrong.

I can't explain on the phone.

I must see you.

No, no, not tonight. Now.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Was it really necessary to handcuff him? He handcuffed me.

Mutted something about those whom the law has joined together let no man put

asunder. Isn't she lovely?

I want to take her away from London into the soft, warm sun, to a place where

her delicate, fragile beauty can blossom into the rare, exotic flower she really

is.

Well, that's nice.

Do you realize this sweet, innocent child is in constant danger?

I mean, how would you like it to face violent criminals unarmed?

I wouldn't like it at all.

Tell me, Mr. Tate, have you always felt so strongly about the welfare of our

policewomen?

Not always.

Why the sudden interest?

Because someone came into my life.

Yes.

Number 729, Policewoman Grimshaw.

Just by luck.

My first case, a simple parking offence.

And I end up chained to a chronic Casanova.

Have you checked on Tate? Uh -huh.

He thinks our policewomen are wonderful.

Where is he now?

In custody.

This wretched affair is taking on a pattern and I don't like the picture.

Oh, neither do I.

Still, we do have a slight lead.

Casanova Inc. What's that got to do with it? Do you know I haven't the slightest

idea? I'd better find out.

Well, what about me?

The ministry seems to be ravaged by a disease. Get back there and see if you

isolate the virus that's causing it.

blindfolds on my eyes. I know you're there.

I can sense the aura of evil that surrounds you.

I beg you, untie my hands.

I can hear you. You're breathing.

I can hear your breathing.

Why do you torture me this way?

Do you keep me in this foul dungeon just to stand and silently gloat over me?

Scarlet's voice caught in her throat and she sobbed helplessly.

Blinded by the velvet band across her eyes, she was unable to see the claw

hand that reached forward to stroke the ivory flesh of her shoulder.

Oh, my goodness, you frightened the life out of me. I must tell you, sorry. I

should think so, too. A scare like that could give a girl grey hair.

I'm sure whatever the colour of your hair, you'd still be equally attractive.

Oh, dear. Thank you.

It's not original, you know. Your hair?

Your line.

It's not original.

Oh, it's been said to you before?

Lord Digby Covington said it to Samantha Pride in Love Under Southern Skies.

It was just after he'd rescued her from the gorilla who fancied her.

Of course.

I remember now.

Love Under Southern Skies.

It was a very touching story. I read it three times.

Something went wrong that day.

Couldn't get the end of the story to work.

Instead of boy gets girl, it kept coming out girl gets gorilla.

It was a tricky situation.

Very.

But you solved it with your customary skills.

I hope you won't think me immodest, but I claim to be your greatest fan.

Really? I've read all your books.

What, all 437?

On a cold winter's night.

I like nothing more than curling up in front of the fire with Rosemary said

Glade.

That's nice.

It's been my lifelong ambition to meet Rosemary said Glade in the... If you'll

excuse the expression.

Flesh.

So you can see it's a rather special moment for me, Miss Glade.

Or may I call you Rosemary?

You may if you like.

My name is Thelma.

You're not?

Rose Miss A. Blade?

No.

She is.

That writes all those moving novels.

She's a computer. Quite clever, really.

You see, every romantic situation in the world is built into her memory circuit.

The keys activate the situation.

Moonlight cafes.

Wife leaves room as girl meets wife. Wife sues girl. Wife leaves husband.

Husband leaves wife. Girl returns ring. Boy gives flowers.

Fascinating. Once we've picked out the situation, the machine does the rest.

It chooses the theme from the dialogue bank, and bingo, another best -selling

Rosemary's Edglade romance.

I'll show you if you like. Please.

The creative arts have always fascinated me.

There you are.

Instant romance.

Brilliant. We keep adding new dialogue to the memory banks. That's what I was

doing when you came in.

The machine's a genius.

Oh, I don't know.

It's a very bad speller sometimes.

But Mr. Bromfield's working on that.

Mr. Bromfield?

Oh, he's lovely.

And ever so clever at electronic things and stuff.

He invented Rosemary.

Well, I'd like to meet him. He's not here at the moment.

Pity. Well, I'll call back.

Later. Aren't they attractive rings?

Just junk jewellery. We send them off to members of the Rosemary Zedglade fan

club. Have one if you like.

Thank you.

Come to think of it, I saw someone wearing one of these the other day. I

remember his name. He was tall, thick -set, dark, with a moustache.

Sounds like Freeman.

Works in our printing room.

Is he here?

Not sure. We'll go and see.

I'll take you through. Thank you.

This is Mr... Steve.

He'd like a word with Freeman.

Not here.

A friend of yours?

In a way, he said he'd show me around if I was passing.

Well, not much to see, really. Printing press in there, dispatch department in

here. It's really rather like a shrine.

The very place where all that undying prose is printed for profit.

Mr. Speed is a fan.

Perhaps you'd like an advance copy of Rosemary's latest, Love on the Moon.

Would I not?

Not that one!

The library copies.

I'll get you a deluxe edition.

There you are.

The compliments of Catherine over ink.

I'll treasure it.

Well, there is just one other thing.

I've never seen a printing press. I wonder, might I have a peep?

Why not?

I can't thank you enough. It's been very good meeting you, madam.

It's been a very informative visit. Thank you so much.

Fans are always welcome.

I beg your pardon.

Not at all.

I don't think we've met.

Mr. Teed, this is Mr.

Bromfield. The Mr.

Bromfield? The mastermind who created Rosemary?

Mr. Bromfield, the genius.

I agree.

And ever so passionate.

I'll take your word for it.

You're very kind, Mr. Teed.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid I... Of course, of course, of course.

The world is waiting for Rosemary Zedglade's newest masterpiece. I don't

delay it for a second. It's so good of you to see me.

Goodbye.

That man who just came out of here. What about him?

I've seen him at the ministry.

What? He came to interview Sir Rodney. I saw him again in Tate's office.

What did he want? What did you tell him? I didn't tell him anything. We only

talked about Rosemary.

Did he go in there?

Only to look at the press.

Oh, don't be cross with me, Nigel.

I can't take any chances.

He'll have to be dealt with.

How?

A friar.

He's in love with you, isn't he? Naturally.

And a jealous man will do anything for the woman he loves.

He'll always stand between us. You know that, George.

He can spoil everything for us.

I just wish there was some way, some way I could be rid of him.

But it's impossible.

He's always sworn he'll never let me go.

As long as he lived.

Who was he?

Steed.

John Steed.

I wouldn't want anything to happen to you, darling.

He's a very dangerous man.

Take this.

Just in case.

Tell him we're in trouble.

That girl I saw at the perfume unit, she's in Tate's office.

That's not important. She can't prove anything. No, no, no, it's not that.

She's reading the book.

I'll attend to this person now.

Go back and lock the door. I don't want anybody else going in there before I

arrive.

Be as quick as you can.

Forgive me for being so preoccupied, but this really is rather fascinating.

Help yourself to a drink. I'll be with you.

If you're wanting to sell that, I have one already.

Forgive my mentioning it, but you have the safety catch -off. That's a very

dangerous way to handle a gun. I'll never know any peace without it.

Are you sure you don't want it? Don't come near me.

You're going to use that.

I've got to.

I've got to kill you.

I don't know anything I might regret.

It's the only way.

She told me about herself and about you.

She doesn't love you, Steed, you know that.

Look, who are you talking about?

She told me that you'd never let her go.

So it's the only answer.

I've got to do it, Steed.

She means too much to me.

She must be quite a woman.

Whoever she is.

She seems to be getting excited.

Perhaps she knows what's in store for her.

Relax, my dear.

Love is...

Just around the corner.

No! Who locked the door? What?

You were saying, my dear.

Nothing.

Just that I think you're wonderful.

Yes.

I love you.

Who doesn't?

Shall we go, my dear?

Anywhere.

That's more brandy.

Well, at least you now believe me.

It was stupid and thoughtless.

But I tell you honestly, I've never known an emotion like it.

I lost control.

There was no logic. There was no reason.

I was just insanely, unthinkingly jealous.

Who is she?

Her name's Martha Roberts.

Why should she tell me there was anything between you?

Perhaps she had some reason for wanting me dead.

But why?

I don't know.

You know, the thing that terrifies me, what really terrifies me, is I still

her.

I might have killed you tonight, ended both our lives, but it doesn't change

anything. I still love her.

Where did you meet her?

At the ministry.

How?

She came into my office.

I was reading and looked up. It was like magic.

Reading? Reading what?

I don't know.

Is it important?

Was it something like this?

Oh, yes. Yes, that's the one.

All right, now you rest here. Stay here as long as you like. I have to go.

Is that the location Fry gave you? Yes.

Are you sure it's accurate?

There's no reason to doubt it. He was as hooked as all the rest.

How does it feel to have every senior official at the Ministry in love with

It's hardly my fatal attraction. They just can't help themselves.

My little micro -dots work wonders, don't they?

Constantly projecting their subliminal message through every page.

It's perfect in a thick book that requires a great deal of concentration.

Why did you choose love as the emotion to work with? Because it's been

scientifically proven that love is the most potent emotion in the universe.

Unlike jealousy, hate, fear, love is the emotion of cooperation.

The man or woman in the thrall of love is as easily manipulated

as soft putty.

Well, it certainly proved itself.

Now, is there anything else you want me to find out?

No.

Now, this is a perfect picture of a new security system. We've fulfilled our

contract. And when do we get the money?

As soon as we get this out of the country.

Athenius, Alma.

Now, let's start getting this stuff out of here.

What about the girl?

Yes, I'd quite forgotten about her.

What are we going to do about it? Nothing.

Nothing? It won't be necessary.

She'll do anything for me.

You will, my dear, won't you?

Anything.

She'd even die for me.

Look outside.

You don't like heights.

But if I asked you to, you'd step out onto that ledge, wouldn't you?

Good. Well, prove it.

For me.

Step out there.

I'll do it.

If you knew there could never be anything between us, if I told you your

was hopeless, what would you do?

I don't know.

I wish you wouldn't say anything.

There'd be no point in your continuing to live, would there?

No.

So you'd jump, wouldn't you?

For the only way.

Get your thing.

I want you to prove that you can't live without me I want you to jump Do you

hear me my dear?

Jump

What's the matter? What are you trying to do?

Trying to end it all.

You should have let me fall.

What are you talking about?

He doesn't love me. There's no reason for me to live.

Who? Me, Mr. Steed.

Hey, look, we're supposed to be on the same side. Hey!

I know that love is supposed to be blind, but this is ridiculous.

Well, never.

Get this into Peter back.

with the next person you see.

This could be more devastating than the atom bomb.

Steedy. You must be in the printing room.

Now, one of these takes a few hours to work.

I wonder what 20 will do.

Go on, admit it.

I'm irresistible.

I must say, Steve, you seem a very decent sort of chap to me.

Thank you.

Come on.

Oh,

you're lovely.

Gently, ladies, gently.

There's enough of me for all of you.

Now let's go and have a nice chat with that security man.

There we are.

You're not taking him anywhere.

What is it? They're after me.

Help me with that. Put it against the door.

Oh, dearie me.

How many are there?

Twenty, twenty -five, maybe more.

Well, we can't have them all by ourselves.

Do you think we should call Mother for help?

There's no time. Let's share.

I think that should do it.

Who are they?

I went to meet my niece from school.

There were hundreds of teenage girls coming out. I'd forgotten I was wearing

trip button. They are crazy about me.

Well, do you think you'll be safe here?

I should think you'll be all right.

It is no joke being a teenage idol.

I've only been savages.

Oh, no, Tara.

No, you've been through all that. I mean, look, can I explain? Now, this is

ridiculous. I'd better take it off. Oh, please.