All language subtitles for The Avengers s05e13 A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To THe Station

We're neat.

Well?

To drag a girl away from her fireside,
it must be important.

I agree.

And a fellow from his electric blanket.

And you've no idea why he wanted you to
meet his chain?

Oh, but dear fat pompous Lucas isn't
given to exaggerating.

Good for Lucas.

Nobber, next stop.

Next stop, Nobber.

Too big a pardon. I'm very sorry.

mm -hmm

Lucas, he might have dropped off.

But please.

I'll take this out.

What does he look like?

Rather corpulent. Not much hair.

Mustache.

We are supposed to be paying attention
to.

Let's not get overenthusiastic. My
husband's a very jealous man.

Can I help you, madam? Oh, no, thank
you. I'm waiting.

I don't understand it. He said he'd be
here ten minutes ago. Perhaps you've

him. He's bald, fat, with a little
moustache.

No, madam, I've seen no one like that at
all.

What's the trouble?

This lady's lost her friend.

On the train?

Can't have got very far.

What does your friend look like?

Bald, fat, with a little moustache.

Oh, he said he was in some kind of
trouble.

Did he say what the trouble was?

Well, he just said he was broke, so I
lent him five pounds.

I know.

He probably slipped off the train at
Novra.

That's it. He must have given you the
slip at Novra.

I

found

this. Well, it leads to proof he is on
the train. Was, but he's in trouble.

Standard procedure.

When an agent's on the run in trouble,
he leaves something behind, something

identifiable. But where did Lucas run
to? We know he didn't get off at

Norborough, and the train doesn't stop
anywhere else.

I don't know. King's Cross.

Maybe we'll find the answer in here.

King's Cross.

King's Cross.

Excuse me, madam. A gentleman asked me
to give you your five -pound note. He

said to apologize for the inconvenience
he caused you.

I must try that more often.

What was all that about?

That briefcase. It belonged to Lucas. We
need it.

4767.

And who's his lady friend?

Auntie Maud.

Do you know her?

Maud, M -A -U -D, microfilm and
unciphered documents. Army issue pouch.

Ah, agents for the use of.

What else?

4767.

Fourth of July, 1967.

Independence Day.

Could be. Now, these are Lucas's notes.
It's going to take me some time to

decipher these.

Indeed. This man Salt, personal
secretary to Admiral Cartney. He was on

train.

Admiral Cartney? He certainly wasn't.

Thought was, I saw him.

Oh, good.

Ah, he's working for Admiral Cartney.
Worth a visit.

Hasn't he just been posted to the
Admiralty?

That, hush, hush.

Well,

thank you, Admiral, for your personal
tour.

Public relation.

You write a nice piece for us, helps
recruiting.

We get a better choice of man. Good job
all round.

True.

After all, your women readers want the
same thing as the Admiralty.

They do?

More able -bodied men.

More questions.

Far away.

How do you like your new job?

Oh, I wish you hadn't asked that.

Makes me sound like some sort of travel
agent. Me.

who fought five major sea battles in the
last war.

Still, put it another way, it is
important work.

What exactly do you do?

I make all the travel arrangements for
VIP.

I see.

So if someone important is traveling
from A to B, you make sure they're

comfortable? Oh, I do more than that. I
make sure they're secure.

Can't have people popping off half the
government.

I have to make sure that all is well in
ship shape. Check every security

arrangement.

Oh, Salt, would you pop that file back
to Pop's secret registry?

You really must have a word with that
cleaning lady of yours.

He tried to kill me.

Antisocial.

According to my deciphering, Lucas
believed he was on to a plot to kill a

Killjoy. What? You just ruined a
honeymoon.

This man was on the train, accompanied
by a blushing bride.

Oh, so that's why he was carrying a
ticket. Chase Halt Station.

Where's that?

That's about three stops down the line
from Norborough.

But nothing stopped there.

Chase hold hasn't been used for years.

Flatterer. Did Lucas say who was going
to do the popping off?

Some flinter group.

Fanatics. He intercepted some radio
messages but couldn't get a fix. Every

he beamed in on their transmission, they
moved away.

Well, perhaps Lucas will fill in the
gaps when we find him.

You know that? This is my station.

Your station?

I bought it. Well, I'm negotiating by
it.

Humble beginnings, but one day, one day,
a mainline station, King's Cross,

Waterloo, a terminus.

Yes, that's what I set my heart on.

Are you always here?

I live in the signal box.

Do the trains ever stop here?

Last? No, not for the past nine years.

Were you here last night? Last night?
Don't talk to me about last night. It

a nightmare.

Listen, young man.

I had a phone call from a dealer with an
1892 water system. Jupiter celebration

issue.

Mint condition.

When I got there, it was a practical
joke.

Final insult. I missed the last train.

I had to take a bus.

A bus!

Oh, yes.

I found these in the... In the ladies'
waiting room. Really?

Yes. I suppose it was the practical
joker.

Yes, I suppose it was.

Is this station identical to Norborough?

Yes, in almost every detail. It's a
Scott Simon design. There must be a

of dozen of them up and down the
country.

Very interesting.

4767. Does that mean anything to you?

Sorry, I can't help you there, no.

Two Norboroughs for the price of one.

Exit 4767.

Maybe this was their headquarters.

Oh, they moved from one derelict station
to another.

Do you think that we ought to move poor
old Lucas discreetly?

And feed friend Salt of the Admiralty
some homemade information.

And see where he takes it.

Admiral Cartney, RN.

Oh, hello, Rodney.

Huh?

Oh, yes, yes, I've got your coded signal
right in front of me.

Periscope pictures.

Oh, yes.

Yes, I like that very much.

Oh, do you think the power of the cancer
is fitted for the job?

Oh, I see.

Yes, splendid.

Rodney.

Okay, I was just clearing it with you.

What?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Of course, I'll burn
it at once.

Yes, can't have that falling into other
people's hands. Might be very

embarrassing. Yes.

Right. Goodbye.

Action at last.

You hear that thought?

Action, sir? Yes. Top security
manoeuvre.

The whole of the general staff are going
to tour the enemy's offshore

installations.

Sorry to disturb you. Which platform for
the 810 to Liverpool?

Number 7. Thank you.

Excuse me. Yes, sir. Where's the nearest
telephone?

Over there.

Under the clock.

Under the clock.

Thank you.

Is it Steve?

Yes, Steve.

I think he's taken the hook.

Good. I'm at the station now.

He's just boarded the train.

I'm following him.

Does it stop at Norborough?

That's the one.

I'll meet you there.

Ladies, please, gentlemen.

When one wants it, one can never find
it.

Excuse me, sir.

Twenty years on the railways and it
still plays me up. Oh, I'm sorry to hear

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Nobber next stop, gentlemen.

First call for dinner.

Do you travel this line often?

Quite often.

First call for dinner.

Second call for dinner.

Second call for dinner, sir.

Second call for dinner.

Which way is the red truck? Half way? It
seems about five miles that way. Thank

you.

That man.

What man?

The one who just went past.

It's the same one. Same what?

Same man who found Luke at the
briefcase. The one Bart went after.

Are you sure?

Positive.

Bart didn't report back, did he?

out of my sight so far no one's tried to
contact him he hasn't tried to contact

anybody

i

i say do you mind if we change seats i
must sit with my back to the engine

I was just coming to look for you. The
man in Salt's compartment, I think he's

dangerous.

In that case, we'd better tell Salt to
do something about it.

I think it best you don't move.

All taken care of, dearly beloved.

All taken care of.

It's just leaving. Good.

Bad. His latest information was false
from beginning to end.

Not a word of truth in it.

Oh, dear.

He'll be going back to his office
sometime tonight.

General Codney.

Mrs. Peel.

Yes, I know it's long after eight bells.

There's something you ought to know
about salt.

That signal you gave us was a fake.

HMS Pirate Council's been mothballed,
has been for years.

So the general staff won't be visiting
enemy installations, will they? I got it

from the Admiral.

Now, look, you've got to believe me. You
may be telling the truth. You may be

right. Well, then, in that case, surely
you... In that case, you're under

suspicion. Oh, sorry.

Too close to the big day.

If we could just search his death.

Here, hold on a minute.

Strong smell of grape shot in the air.

Oh, my dear girl, I do owe you an
apology.

There is something going on.

There was, but someone got there before
us.

Till death us do part.

Please don't use those words.

I've spent my entire life trying to
avoid the final splicing.

I've never dropped anchor long enough at
any one point. Admiral, is there any

VIP about to travel at the moment?
Always traveling. Why?

Well, Lucas was obviously on to
something, which is why he was killed.

Ah, yes, Lucas, poor fellow. Ex -navy,
you know.

Fancy getting it on a railway station.

Perhaps they discovered that a VIP was
about to be popped off.

Hmm? Over my dead body.

Could be.

London to Norborough, first class
return.

Must be about a hundred of them.

The fellow must have had an obsession
about railways.

And they're all punched through. See,
the O in Norborough is punched through.

Oh, yes.

And the hole's just about the size of
a... Self -respecting microdart.

Makes sense.

Salt fills in the O with a microdart.

Tink collector punches it out again.

And bingo, the message is passed on.

Ticket collector?

How did the ceremony go?

Mr. Salt, late VIP, now RIP.

A little keepsake. The memento. I'll
take that.

Come on. I want to see how things are
going.

What a beautiful sight.

Which? Me or the bomb?

Oh, you, of course, my dear.

Reassure me, how do we know the
vibrations from the train won't set the

off? We'll have to take her word for it.

I've got very good credit, but I must
admit I don't think I've ever had to

with anybody quite as important.

What triggers the bomb off this time?

A radio signal.

From this train?

Sounds dangerous.

Not at all.

There ought to be a mile between us at
least.

There will be.

We don't want to be blown up as well, do
we?

We won't be.

No. The moment that goes up, we'll be
speeding away in the opposite direction.

Just relax.

Relax? How are we going to get this
carriage off this train and onto his

Easy.

There's your answer.

This carriage to be commandeered and
prepared for VIP train.

VIP?

Very important person.

Very. They'll be transferring this
carriage tomorrow.

I'll deal with it personally.

I'll be rather sorry to see it go.

Never mind.

You may be losing a carriage, but he'll
be gaining a bomb.

Roll on tomorrow.

Mr. Crewe?

Yes? Do you live here?

Well, not exactly.

I've got a little semi -detached signal
box further along the line. Why?

Do you live alone?

Oh, yes.

Why all these questions? Who are you?

Mrs. Peel.

I don't know you.

George Warren. I'm a friend of Steed's.
When did he buy through with?

He was bolder than he gets them from St.
James.

That's my identification.

are you doing here? I could ask you the
same question.

Special security watch along this
railway line.

You mean someone important's driving
along this line?

I said special security.

Can't divulge details to anybody, and I
mean anybody.

Now, what about you? What are you doing
here?

I came to ask Mr. Crewe's advice on a
railway matter.

Why don't you retire to my signal box?

And what exactly is your problem, dear
lady?

I'd like you to listen to this umbrella.

You'd like me to listen to this?

Salt's camera had a film in it.

Very practical place to keep film, I'd
say.

I've just had it developed.

Details of security on this line.

They're sending a special branch man to
every station on the route.

Well?

They'll go to Chase Holt.

They'll find Luke's body.

Exactly.

Unless I get to the special branch man
first.

When do we reach Chase Holt?

Coming up in about ten minutes.

Splendid.

An unfeduled top is indicated.

Well?

Is this a trick, madam?

Not at all. Why?

Repeat again.

Louder.

There are two sets of diddly -dums.

Impossible. I think I'd be going fast
and slow at the same time.

He's right.

Of course I'm right.

Hear it?

There's a diddly -dum in the foreground,
and then behind it, it keeps varying.

Diddly -dum, diddly -dee, diddly -dum,
diddly -dum.

It isn't a train at all.

Play it again.

Funny, a train stopped at the station.

As quick as you can.

sure he was dead.

Then they found him.

Give me the gun.

I'll find them.

Try the signal box.

Just a minute.

Diddly -da, diddly -dum.

D -U.

It's the Mark 5 tapping code.

Is that good?

It's a tapping code.

It's a sort of shorthand in Morse. It
was devised so that men could

with each other in the prisoner of war
camp.

Can I help?

Some paper and a pencil.

Now, give it to me from the top.

Diddly -da, diddly -dum.

Twiddly -dum.

Twiddly, twiddly.

Twiddly -da.

Blinkety -blink.

Blinkety -blink.

Chaddly -dum.

Chaddly -da.

Boopety -boop.

Terrible! That's on this line.

And from all this twiddly -twiddly,
you've learned that someone important is

travelling.

The Prime Minister?

Somebody's train must be late.

You were right.

Right about what?

The Prime Minister.

He'll be on this line.

When?

Tonight.

My word, you have been busy.

Now, you know he likes the corner seat.

Yes, sir. We did know that, sir. Isn't
he, sir? Yes, and he must face the

otherwise.

You'll find that this journey will go
like clockwork, sir.

A little faster, I trust.

Try

full

hard on the springing.

However, this will do splendidly.

Thank you, sir.

Now, he may want to thank you
personally.

You'll both be on the train, of course.

I fear not, sir. We'll be on the 810,
our regular run.

Oh.

Oh, well, then we shall pass one
another.

So we will.

At 8 .57 p .m.

You're quite sure you want to come
along.

If I can just lay my hands on the vandal
who shut up my signal box, destroy him

all like beautiful, original, grimy
glass stained with the steam and smoke

past glories.

I'll stay here. You find the ticket
collector.

The ticket collector.

Then what?

We'll see what he does. See what he
does.

Bunch of little holes in the tickets.

Just follow me.

It's getting close to zero hour.

Keep this door locked from now on.

Don't let anyone through unless you give
our knock.

Ah, Mr. Gene.

Ah, take it, Inspector.

I had you brought here to witness the
final phase.

That's how it is, Doctor.

It's for me, really.

Virgin on megalomania, you might say.

But a coup is not a coup.

Without someone to see.

Well, I'm afraid I shan't be able to
applaud.

The look in your eyes will be enough.

We... I am going to blow up your Prime
Minister.

Oh.

How do you know which way I voted?

Minister's travelling tonight.

On this line.

If we're lucky, we should see him pass.

He should pass at about 8 .57.

At that time, we'll be running through
Durbridge Junction.

Durbridge. Population 2 ,413.

Principal industry.

Manufacture of glass eyes for teddy
bears.

Fame non -existent. But after tonight,
there won't be anybody in the civilized

world who hasn't heard of it.

After tonight.

After I have pressed this button.

Another five miles, Mr. Steed, and then
off goes the diesel.

Very droll.

Sir, could be trouble, sir. What do you
mean? We're nearly there. That woman who

lost the five pounds, sir, she's on the
train, sir, in 4767.

My pierced resistance, Mr. Steed, an
ingenious device by which I can contact

agents without approaching them. Indeed,
they do not even have to leave their

seats.

Kill the woman.

Catchy, but I don't think much of the
lyrics.

No, no. The door to the restaurant is
locked.

There's a special lock to get in.

Ah, bomb to Leon, bomb.

Bomb, bomb.

There must have been a shotgun waiting.

Sandor! He's better with a machine gun.

You mean he's the one who... My signal
box! You beastly little man!

Open the door.

It'll be dangerous, you know, to lean
out of a train while it's in motion.

Have you at the right time?

Coming up to 8 .54.

Thank you. Running right on time.

There's no need to get themed up.

Glorious. Get him. Over there, Johnny.

Is that you, Mr. Speed?

Why not?

Something I've wanted through all my
life.

Are you sure it's

him? It's got to be. They said arriving
any minute.

And someone called.

Said something about the nation owing us
a great death of gratitude.

I should think so. We saved him from
being blown sky high. No wonder he's

grateful.

Oh, here he comes.

Does he really need all those
motorcycles?

Yeah, of course he does.

A very impressive procession.

That must be him in the top hat.

No, he's the one in the raincoat.

Really?

He doesn't look as small as he does on
television.

Really? I think he looks smaller.

I must have a bigger set.

Ah, well, it'll be an OBE for me.

Sir John Steve.

Dame Emma.

Of course, you know what this means.

He's going to make a speech.

A long speech.

Did you vote for him?

Did you?

Let's pretend we're out.