Original subtitles

Percy Danvers, undercover man. He tried to phone me a little while back.

Have you any idea what he was working on? It might have been anything.

He covered a very wide field.

Birdseed? Hmm?

Birdseed. Oh, where on earth?

Was he interested in birdwatching?

I don't think so. He had a lot of interests.

I didn't realize they included birdwatching.

Tweezers.

Tweezers.

Eyeglass.

Eyeglass.

Hammer. Hammer.

Pin.

Pin.

Carry on.

Next.

Next.

Steve, do you really think they can be carrying messages inside one of these

seats? Or a microcontainer or a miniaturised transmitter.

Do you know they brought over the whole Eastern Rocket programme in the eye of

an eagle?

Ingenious.

Except for the fact that the courier lay down and rested in a haystack.

You mean they... They're still looking for it.

Now, I can't leave anything for chance.

because Danvers was carrying these. Must have some significance.

Phone. Phone.

Hello?

Yes, he's here.

It's for you.

Steve here.

Oh, yes. When?

Where? I'll be right over.

Pathological lab.

They brought in someone who worked with Danvers.

She had the same tailor. It's him, all right. Who?

Frank Elric. He was engaged on counter -counter -counter espionage.

Well, somebody countered his counter.

Where was this found?

In a contractor's yard and just in time. And another owl or so.

He would have been the cornerstone of a new supermarket.

Poor old Frank. He was a pretty solid sort of time.

He still is.

Muzzle's back.

When did he leave?

Muzzle's back. There's a stretch of land near here. They've just completed a new

missile installation.

It's supposed to be top, top, top secret.

Well, if Elric was a counter, counter, counter espionage spy.

Aerial photo.

Flying is supposed to be forbidden around here.

Now, in the wrong hands, these prints... But that's all they are, these prints.

Without a negative, these are no good.

Frank must have been close to finding them, so they...

Pearson.

Frank's partner.

Now, whatever Frank knew, he'd know. Pearson, Mark Pearson.

No, it's your sister I'm waiting for.

Pearson lived out there.

Pigeons.

Stool pigeon.

Mark?

Steve. Steve.

Mark was back.

Missile base.

Photos. Aerial photos.

Yes, we know about those.

Information being taken out of country.

Taken east.

Who's taking the information out?

Pearson, who is he? Who's the courier?

Crusoe.

Captain... Crusoe.

Captain Crusoe.

You do it?

Yeah.

You have all the fun.

Commander?

Verrett here.

Yeah, okay.

Pearson had some callers, though. A man and a woman.

Yes, I recognize the man.

John Steed.

Yeah.

Right.

I'll deal with him.

No, Crusoe.

Captain Crusoe.

Yes, I'll hold on.

There's no Captain Crusoe on the current army or navy list. They're checking

back. Heathcliff Hall.

Do you think it's important?

Yes, still no luck?

Well, check pre -World War I. I should find out.

Dead end, eh?

Oh, and another thing. You'd better get Pearson's body discreetly out of here.

Good luck.

Yes, I'll be here when you arrive.

It's speed we want.

The commander said nothing about the girl.

She's a looker.

Yeah. Where do you think she's off to?

A party? Or can anyone join in?

I'm not so terribly sorry. I was expecting someone else.

Who?

Who, company and marine commander?

My name's Steve, John Steve.

Sam, Samantha Slade. How do you do?

Your photographs, how did you do? You joked it. Oh, Mark will leave them lying

around the place. Where is he, by the way?

Mark? Oh, he popped out for a while.

Popped out?

Well, what about our lunch date?

Lunch date? Of course, lunch date.

He had a business appointment. It was rather urgent. He asked me to give you

sincere and abject apologies. He asked me to take you out to lunch myself.

At least I'm sure he would have done that had he remembered.

Well? Well, I'd be delighted to come out and have lunch with you. It is my

pleasure.

You can tell me about Mark and yourself.

Mark? I've been abroad for some time, lost touch with him. You can fill in the

gaps. Tell me what he's been up to.

television does not open until later today.

Well, the door was open, so I... Open?

Undecured? Which door? Don't move.

I'll have the window shut.

A door open here.

The entrance door, I shut it behind me.

Oh, forgive me. The idea of a door open here.

Exhibitor. Priceless. I check every latch, every passing person.

Twitter. Hmm? Twitter.

I'm afraid bird impersonations are hard in my line.

Oh, no, you misunderstand.

I am Twitter.

Edgar Twitter, organizer of this feathered array.

Oh, Peel. Mrs. Emma Peel. Yes,

superb specimens of ornithological opulence.

And these are all yours? Oh, Allah, no.

Many are on loan from private collections.

The Duke of Duffer, for instance.

The Lady St. Pierre Cashwash.

Captain Caruso?

You are acquainted with the good, Captain?

Oh, vaguely. A friend of a friend of a friend of a...

He's an absolutely splendid chap. That reminds me, I haven't paid my respects

him this morning.

You mean he's here?

Would you like to meet him?

Oh, I'd love to.

His quarters are this way.

Healthy appetite.

Verging on immortality.

You were telling me about Mark.

Well, there's nothing more to tell, really. I mean, we get on well, go

meet people.

He's got a lot of friends.

Enough. Including Captain Crusoe.

He does know Captain Crusoe, doesn't he?

What's the time?

Oh, I must fly.

I'll give you a lift.

Off is great. Morning.

Morning, comrade.

This is Mrs. Peel, George Cunliffe. How do you do? George attends to all my PR

work, travel arrangements and so on.

Have you looked in on the captain yet?

No, not yet, sir. Quite right, too. He gets a little broody if we disturb him

too early.

Mrs. Peel is anxious to meet the captain.

Oh, certainly, sir.

Come along, Captain Crusoe. Look alive there. Show a claw.

You mean Captain Crusoe's a bird?

Oh, not just a bird, Mrs. Peel.

A king, an emperor among parrots.

Well, the bird has flown.

He's gone.

The captain's gone.

What are we going to tell the owner?

It's a lovely car.

Why do you have straps on your bonnet? To keep it on.

Oh. Well, how many gallons does it do to the mile?

You mean how many miles does she do to the gallon?

Well, thank you for the lunch, anyway.

No, no, no, it's a pleasure.

Yeah, hold it there.

Now, um, extend the legs.

Yeah, waggle them.

Again.

Again.

Tom Savage, John Seed.

Well, I must say, you're a cut above the ones they usually send. Very superior.

Oh, no, but he's not a model. Sam, you're late. Get changed.

Um, your clothes will do fine.

Yes, but you're making a mistake.

Sam, I said get changed.

Now, look, I've got all the time in the world. Quite all right. There's your

bag.

Now, where do you want me?

Um, over here. You won't need these.

Now, then.

Could you, um...

Could you extend, well, incline this way a bit?

Yep. Face up.

Chin up.

Left foot back about four inches.

Yeah. Left arm out.

Right arm out. Now, could you look a bit left there? It's more plumber.

You're very well equipped.

Do you do your own protesting?

Yeah. Now, left foot in about four inches.

Four inches. Oh, dear. That's it, yeah. Yeah, we've got our own dark rooms.

Mm -hmm.

Much commercial work?

Well, if they can afford to pay my price, I'll do it. That's the only

Aerial photography?

Aerial photography.

Tom, I'm ready.

Yeah, over here, Sam, over here. It's a city one.

On the left, on the left.

No, no, no, clear the shoes, clear the shoes.

Uh -huh, that's going to blend very well.

We won't even have to press the trousers.

Did Mark come here?

Only to pick me up.

Face me.

You ask a lot of questions, Mr. Steed.

I'm an inquisitive fellow.

That's good, Sam, good.

Back a bit.

No, no, no, just slow it. There we are, Sam.

I can't see him. Uh -huh.

Yeah, turn away a bit.

Uh -huh.

Hold that.

Look down a bit.

No, too much.

Now look away.

Now come back into it.

Yeah, that's fine. Now hang on.

Could you go back about a foot?

That's too much. Hang on.

Yeah, that's all right.

Face is up.

Now look at each other.

That's all for you. Next costume, Sam.

That's him.

How?

An impact grenade.

It'll go off the moment he opens his umbrella.

And it looks like rain.

That was very good. Very good.

Well, the bonus.

Oh, no, the experience was enough.

Most exhilarating.

Apart from that, what sort of a day have you had?

Laden was suspicious.

A girl called Sam, Samantha Slade.

She claims to be a friend of Mark's.

She worked for Tom Savage, photographer.

He employs models.

Long -legged pulchritude with whatever faith and posture they are wearing this

year. Do you get my meaning? I see.

You want me to infiltrate.

Insinuate. And use those big, beautiful brown eyes to keep an eye on our girl,

Sam. All right.

I located Captain Crusoe.

But the perch was empty.

Literally. Captain Crusoe is a parrot.

A parrot?

A very fine one. A prince among parrots.

But Mark said the Crusoe was the courier.

Well, maybe he was a courier parrot.

Anyway, he's disappeared.

He was stolen last night.

Birds.

It's been bothering me, the height that these aerial photographs were taken.

Oh, I'd say about 100 feet or so.

That's impossible.

A plane as low as that would be bound to be detected.

Well, it has to be a plane. I mean, what else is there?

Ooh!

advertising. Oh, um, heavy agricultural equipment. That's why I wanted the hat,

see? No.

It's symbolic, of course.

Oh, heavily.

Do you think it's a little too unsubtle?

Not, uh, over -obvious.

Ah, this will divert the eye.

And a touch of humour, do you think?

Have them in stitches.

I like it. I like it. In fact, I think it's great. I might keep this one for my

own exhibition.

Call it Fred 89 and 3 quarters.

That's my real name.

I changed it to Tom because Fred's a bit, uh, The BN, you know. I know.

Oh, there's something missing.

No. The prop. The most important prop.

Sam said you'd bring it round. What is she?

Sorry, I'm late, Tom.

Here we are.

Now, don't forget you promised to look after it because it's very, very

valuable. All right, Sam, I promise.

Tom, this bird is irreplaceable. It's priceless.

This looks about right.

We'll take a reading.

Well, there she is.

What do you make of it?

Yes.

Due northwest on the button.

This is right, then.

Nice clear day, too.

Good flying weather

To

Northwest

right over the missile installation Barrett

hmm.

No, that's not one of ours

It came out of the basket.

And where's it flying to?

Hello, boy.

There we go.

Not a good flight, then?

Where is it?

In you go.

Temporally grounded.

Very handy for holiday snaps.

Pre -set to start snapping once you're airborne.

But that, a little present.

Well, now we know how it's done.

The question is...

Well,

that's about it. Thanks.

parrot symbolizes in the photographs.

The caged creature. The bird mouthing empty phrases. Sums up the whole state

mankind. Well, this bird doesn't mouth empty phrases. He hasn't said a word all

day.

Perhaps he's a thinker.

Well, I'll return it for you.

Hmm? To Sam's fate, I can drop it in at her place on my way. Oh, no.

This parrot doesn't leave the studio. I promise, Sam.

Besides, I'm going to need it again tomorrow. It stays here.

Tom, I'd like some prints of the pictures you took today.

Anything in particular?

Oh, I don't know. A couple of poses.

Me and the parrot.

You and the parrot.

Quite impossible, Mrs. Peel, to say whether this is the Captain Crusoe or

quite impossible, without actually seeing the bird.

But surely the marking... The plumage is very light, Captain Crusoe's very

light. But then there are probably 10 ,000 birds just like this. Precisely.

What makes you think this bird is Crusoe?

Well, I'm just guessing. Can you bring him here so that I may make an

identification? Well, I don't... Where is the bird now?

Oh.

Tom Savage.

Supposing I were to bring the bird here? Then I could make an identification.

But you must bring the bird here, Mrs. Peel.

if only you could talk

We can't leave her to talk.

No.

We need an alibi.

Carl Stein alibi.

Tie her to the chair.

And I'm just on my way back to Tom Savage's studio.

He has a parrot there.

Sam Slade lent it to him.

Now, it may or may not be Captain Crusoe. I mean to find out.

Message ends.

10 .30.

7 .45.

First person to come through that door.

Does the job for us.

New habit, climbing through windows.

Lucky for you, I'm a devious fellow.

I pulled a few strings in my time, but that one... Would have had explosive

repercussions.

A tried and tested pick -me -up.

I always recommend it to my friends. After they've been tied to a chair

lethal booby trap.

Especially after they've been tied to a chair facing a lethal booby trap.

Cheers.

Go ahead, build you up.

That's just the point.

What is it building me up for?

The job in hand.

And what is that?

We've got to find Captain Crusoe.

Everything certainly seems to revolve around that parrot.

Who knew he was at the studio?

Tom Savage.

And Sam brought it there.

And Twitter, I told Edgar J. Twitter.

And what's he like?

Average height, brown hair, 30 -ish.

Dangerous? Could be.

Have another drop, Mrs. Beale.

Of course I knew about the bird, Mrs. Peel. You tell me yourself.

You mentioned it to no one else.

Well, naturally not, since your report that the bird had been located was

unconfirmed. Now, if you'll excuse me, we're extremely busy. The exhibition

moves to Europe tomorrow.

Mr. Twillow, that parrot was stolen again.

Strange, don't you think? Since only you and I knew where it was.

And Cunley?

He knew about it?

Yes, of course I did.

So, for that matter, did Jordan.

Jordan? The rightful owner of Casting Cruiser.

Remember, sir, you spoke to him last night.

Oh, yes, I'd forgotten. He called me last night.

And you told him I'd found the parrot?

Well, may have meant it in passing years.

I suppose that Mr. Jordan would know his own parrot if he saw it.

I mean, his identification would be much more reliable than yours, Mr. Twith.

He said you wanted some of the fun, didn't you?

The commander just called me.

You remember that girl you took a fancy to?

Mrs. Peel? She's stirring up trouble.

She's on her way to see Jordan now.

You mean you want me to? Yeah, both of them.

Make it nice, Rob.

Oh, it'll be nice, Barrett.

If nothing else, it'll be nice.

Jordan. Oh, Peel, Mrs. Peel. The front door was shut, so... My fault entirely.

I was upstairs, having a little warble.

A sideline of mine.

I am composing a concerto for beak, bird throat, and warble.

I find it most absorbing.

What can I do for you, Mrs. Peel? It's about Captain Crusoe.

He has been found. He has returned to the nest. No, not yet.

The noblest parrot of them all.

A master of rhetoric. Such a garrulous talker. Such verbiage. Talker? That

parrot didn't say a word.

Had he been cued in?

Cued in?

These birds around you, Mrs. Peel, they were talking 19 to the dozen when I

entered. You will observe, they are now silent.

That is my training system, Mrs. Peel. Cuition, quite unique.

Gain their confidence.

They think I am one of them.

Sometimes they wish I were.

All my birds have conditioned reflexes. They speak only when they are signaled,

cued to speak.

And each one has a different signal. Thus, the blue...

Don't you think?

Astonishing? Astonishing? Oh, no, no. These are mere nursery rhymes, parrot

phrases. Nothing compared to Captain Crusoe. His capacity for learning is

astonishing. The whole of Hamlet's soliloquy without pause.

Lincoln's Gettysburg Address without fault. Nothing to Captain Crusoe. And

there is his gift for mimicry.

Whoever teaches him a phrase, he gets the tone and inflection of that person's

voice exactly.

A parrot paragon.

And now he's a polygon.

I should never have let that exhibition borrow him. But Twitter was so

persuasive, so insistent. Mr. Jordan, could you pick Captain Crusoe out of a

crowd? Better than that. Anyone could pick him out in the dark with the right

cue. A top C.

Captain Crusoe is cued to a top C.

And which one of those triangles is the top... Captain Crusoe's triangle is not

here. He merits something better than this hoi polloi. His is gold -plated.

Can I borrow it?

Captain Crusoe's triangle.

It might help me to find him.

It is in my car.

Oh dear, dear, dear.

Use it.

On him.

You keep him occupied.

I'll get behind him.

Mark?

Mark?

Mark sent me a message. He said I was to come here. Mark Pearson is dead.

And you and I are going to have a little talk.

A talk?

What about?

Cabbages and kings.

Life. Birds and the bees.

But mostly about birds.

Going in again?

I want a little talk first.

Now then, who's your boss?

I don't know.

I never see him.

Very dismal, my orders.

What about Captain Crusoe, then? Where's he?

Crusoe's back.

Back where he belongs.

Mark gave me the parrot to look after. He said he didn't dare keep it here.

Now, why should he say that?

Mark... Is dead.

Extremely.

Oh, well, I suppose it can't do any harm now.

Mark stole the bird from someone.

Well, he didn't exactly say that, but I'm sure that's what it was. He stole

So Mark pinched it from them, whoever them are.

He pinched it because the parrot's the key to the whole thing.

Well, it certainly was no ordinary parrot, that's for sure. I mean, the

it said, the missile installation has a...

A deployment on the northwestern sector, the launching ramps of advanced design

and all sorts of technical stuff. Well, it seems such a weird thing for anyone

to teach a parrot. It talks.

It talks.

Well, of course it talks.

Don't all parrots talk?

The parrot's taking the information out.

They've eliminated the human error. By eliminating the human element.

A pigeon flies over the installation, takes pictures.

The pictures are translated into verbal information.

And fed to the parrot. And at the sound of a top speed.

He's pounced it all out again. Perfect. No microphone to conceal.

No secret papers.

And no human agent to crack under pressure.

For you can't interrogate a parrot.

Two guesses as to which part of Europe. Well, let's have a look around for our

undercover agents.

I do beg your pardon.

Whoops.

Ah.

Well, he's a parrot.

He doesn't look too intelligent.

Very unprepossessing. Definitely cretina. Positively retarded. Play

We're not playing his tune.

I don't like to be pessimistic, but I think we're running out of time. Ah,

one looks more like an intellectual.

Intellectual? He's a politician.

Perhaps he's disguised as the lesser crested fisher hen.

Back where he belongs, that's what the man says.

Who? The man in the pool.

Captain Caruso is back where he belongs. Well, he doesn't belong here.

In the back room.

Perhaps you'd be kind enough to explain what you're doing. Twitter.

Bird impersonations are not my strong... His name is Twitter. Edgar J.

Twitter. Oh, correct. And I am still awaiting an explanation.

We came to collect Captain Crusoe.

Twitter's no longer here. He was stolen. Well, how do you explain... The

deployment of the missile installation is in the way in the North Western

sector. I know that voice.

It's, uh...

Cunliffe. Cunliffe.

Exactly, Mrs. Hill.

If you'd put care of Quitter for me.

Poor old Quitter.

You hit the wrong man.

I'm controlled by electronics.

You'd better shut him up, I think.

There.

That's better.

Now, I'd better think about shutting you two up. On a more permanent basis, of

course. Veris!

How do you feel, are you?

Oh, you are all right.

One secret agent?

Deeply behind bars.

Losing the telephone.

Ran out of small change.

Well, are you?

Busy at the moment.

What did you have in mind?

I want you to meet a bird.

Friend of yours?

Hardly. I intend basting it in red wine.

Submerging it in a succulent sauce.

Now, that sounds like my kind of bird. There's only one flag.

What? I haven't shot it yet. But don't worry.

It's all laid on.

Vito, stretch of grouse more, I've even got a car.

I'll put on something suitable.

For open air motoring.