Original subtitles

Miss Perbright?

Yes, Mr. Barton? I'm going through these lawyers' returns.

Do you know I can't make head or tail of them?

That's my new filing system, Mr. Barton. Oh, is it?

Then perhaps you'd be kind enough to come in here and explain it to me.

I'm rather busy at the moment, sir. These invoices for the office equipment

the other... Never mind those. I want you in here. Now, sir?

Right now.

Did you hear me, Miss Fabright?

Right now.

And bring all the files with you.

Well, girls, our campaign is progressing.

No doubt you've all heard of Elizabeth's recent success.

But we can't rest on our laurels. Now is the time to go forward and strike

again.

I will now brief you on your next tasks.

It will be necessary to take notes.

Henry?

Henry?

Oh, yes, Henrietta. Right away.

Then make it right away.

Right, are we all ready?

We'll begin then. The most pressing task is... Have

you quite finished, Henry?

Sorry, dear.

Very well, then.

We will continue.

First with you, Sarah.

Your next assignment will be Morton. Sir George Morton.

A further confinement of 24 prams. Yours faithfully, et cetera, et cetera.

Letter ends.

There's no need to get that out tonight, Mary.

You can go off home now.

Oh, but the Peabody... I'll attend to that.

Off you go now.

Take a cab home.

Thank you, sir.

Good night, Sir George.

Good night, Mary.

Darling. Georgie.

Darling. You look lovely tonight.

Ravishing.

Make yourself comfortable.

I'll mix us a drink.

Scotch on the rocks. You see? I remembered.

Very glad you would come.

I told my wife I'd be late. Very late.

The staff have all gone off home, too.

So we can be alone for hours.

Absolutely hours.

How nice.

Yes, isn't it, Louis?

My dear.

He was lying there. I found him.

I was always in first, you see.

Sir George didn't like anybody to be late, and so I was always conscientious

about being in on time.

I'm sure Sir George thought very highly of you, Mary.

But he's dead.

You have to face that.

But his business must go on.

Oh, that's why I'm here, Mary.

Yes, Mr. Rudge.

I'll do all I can to help.

Good girl.

Now, these investment sheets.

The figures appear correct, but...

I can't quite link some of them to the individual firms.

Oh, well, they're all cross -referenced here, sir.

Look, do you see? Orders flying out are referenced here, returns here, payments

here. Profits, deficits, orders awaiting confirmation, and orders completed.

I see.

It's a bit complex, isn't it? Well, it's Sir George's own system. He always

worked that way.

He deliberately made it complex. Industrial security, he called it.

Hello.

Oh, yes, would you put him through, please?

Yes, sir.

An offer of £10 ,000?

Well, we tendered for that on the 21st of the month.

Yes, sir, I can break it down for you. £5 ,000 initial cost, £1 ,000 survey, £2

,500 to cover wages.

The remainder in interest at 9%. Less your overheads, which we will defray on

exchange of contracts.

Yes, I'll attend to that for you. The contract will be in the post this

Thank you.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Rudge. Now, where were we?

Well, I was wondering about the complexity of the system, but you seem

very fine grasp of it.

I'm putting you in charge.

There's no other way out of it at the moment. If I bring somebody in from the

outside, it might take him weeks to master all this.

But, Mr. Rudge... Just as a temporary measure.

Until I can think something up.

You will do it.

I'll do my best, Mr. Rudge.

Excellent. I'll leave you to hold the fort, then. If you want me, I'll be in

office.

Steed, John Steed.

Oh, yes.

Good morning. The Ministry told me to expect you, but they didn't explain why.

Since you ask, murders.

Eleven of them. Quite an epidemic.

All of them prominent businessmen. That's the only common factor so far.

Why come to me? I'd like your help, Mr. Rudge.

Willingly. But how?

You were at Sir George Morton's office this morning.

Yes? Checking the books.

I made a cursory examination, but... Is it conceivable that Sir George's murder

might have been used to cover up for another crime, say, embezzlement?

Quite impossible.

Oh, dear.

It so happens that I made a detailed examination of Sir George's book just

days ago. Everything was in perfect order.

I see.

His staff are loyal and efficient.

His secretary in particular.

And the idea that one of them might em... embezzle?

Out of the question was the deed. Well.

Thank you, anyway.

Good day. Good day, Mr. Dean.

Yes, sir? Ah, Miss Penny.

Take a memo.

To the minister.

My dear minister, re the man you sent to see me this morning,

far be it from me to advise you, but I felt that he was over

-dramatizing, hysterical even.

The very idea that such a plot, as he suggested, might even exist,

seems to me to be in the realms...

Of fantasy.

You dealt with Morton so efficiently, Sarah, that I've decided to use you

The man's name is Jack Finlay.

Henry will give you details of the clubs he frequents.

Henry?

Finlay has a reputation as a woman chaser.

Let's hope he will take to you, my dear.

Oh, he will.

I'll make sure of that.

Oh, Jack.

I can't believe I've only just met you.

I feel as if I've known you for ages.

Hmm. That's nice.

From another admirer?

Ah, that's very cute.

And it works, too.

It doesn't.

It does.

Sarah calling HQ.

Insurance?

I don't think so. No link between the beneficiaries.

How about the shareholders?

Somebody bumps off the big boss, cleans up on the stock market. Won't work. Half

of the victims have private companies. Shares weren't available to the public.

Someone with a personal grudge?

Could be.

But you don't think so?

I don't think so. Eleven apparently unconnected gentlemen.

Prosperous, respectable.

Steed here.

Where?

I'm on my way.

Correction. For 11 gentlemen, read 12.

Apparently he's Jack Finley of Finley and Company.

A prosperous businessman?

With companies in the city of London. And he has an accountant called Joshua

Rudge. Rudge.

I don't know him. But I do. I met him earlier today.

What's that perfume you're wearing?

I'm not today.

It's very pleasant.

Sweet.

Too sweet for aftershave.

Don't move.

There was a woman in here recently. It might help to find out who it was.

Tire pump.

See if you can get it identified.

I'm going to see Joshua run.

What is the nature of your business, Mrs. Peel?

It's, um, rather personal.

One moment.

Very well. Mr. Hooter will see you. Thank you.

Excuse me.

Good afternoon, sir. I expect your wife sent you to collect her parcel.

Mr. Hooter? Yes?

Mr.

J... J.

Hooter.

Indisputably.

What can I do for you?

I'd like you to identify some perfume.

Indeed?

Is it one of my own creations?

I don't know.

Where is this perfume?

Are you aware, Mrs. Peel, that there are many more convenient perfume sprays on

the market?

I myself manufacture at least a hundred different varieties.

Well, it was all I had. I'll explain later.

A question of identification, you say?

Then you have certainly come to the right person.

My proboscis, Mrs. Peel, is probably the most sensitive in Europe.

I shall be glad to assist you.

Thank you. But first I must prepare.

I wear this to protect my sinuses and membranes.

Whilst wearing it, no obnoxious effluvia can assault my nostrils.

It is highly necessary. You see, I smell a great deal.

You do?

I mean, you do.

My nose is in great demand.

Perfumia's exhibitions, Paris.

Tokyo, New York.

I have smelled all over the world.

There you see the splendid beast, naked before you.

It's very handy.

But wait until you see him in action, Mrs. Peele.

Wait until you see him twitch and flare.

distilled water, pure to the thousandth part.

Right, Mrs. Pugh.

My nose is yours.

Now.

Leap into my fervid arms.

Pardon? Got it right off.

A tingle at the back here, a tickle at the front.

A hint of sweetness.

Leap into my fervid arms.

It is a perfume of my own creation, exclusive and very expensive.

Do you sell a great deal?

Only to those who can afford it, my dear lady.

Would you have a list of customers?

Indubitably.

Miss Merkel?

Yes, sir?

I'll only leap into my fervid arms.

Bring it to me immediately.

Yes, sir.

It's, um...

Very kind of you.

Not at all.

The customer supply list appears to be

missing. Oh, that was sent down to the warehouse this morning, sir.

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Peel. I'm unable to assist you at the moment.

Should you care to pop back later today?

Thank you. I'll do that.

Oh, Mrs.

Beale.

Your appliance.

Thank you.

A fresh nose, Snowden, if you please, Gladys.

A charming woman, that Mrs. Pugh.

A delightful freshness about her.

You know, she was quite interested in my nose.

She...

You

spoil

me, Henry.

You definitely spoil me. That is my favorite perfume.

Well, hurry up, Henry. Answer the girl.

Yes, dear.

Come in, Gladys.

Tell Madame Henrietta my mission is completed.

Successfully completed.

I'll tell her.

Give her my congratulations, Henry.

Yes, dear. Sorry, dear.

Henrietta sends you her congratulations, Gladys.

Now then, what is next on my agenda?

Joshua Rudge, dear.

Oh, yes, dear Mr. Rudge. I should look my best for him, Henry.

Yes, dear.

My red dress, I think.

The one with the pearl.

This one, dear.

There were two of them, I think. Jumped me from behind.

No sign of Joshua Rudge.

Disappeared completely.

Permanently? Perhaps.

There's one thing, though, broke off during the fight.

Man's fob seal.

Or a woman's charm bracelet.

I saw one today.

A girl at the perfumier's.

Which reminds me, I'm due back there soon. Just fill that in with umber, will

you?

Do I look like that?

Dead.

Dead.

Soon after you left. A sudden seizure.

A seizure.

Poor Mr. Hooter.

He promised me some information. A list of customers.

I'm sorry, I can't allow that.

You can't allow?

This is a close -knit business.

Mr. Hooter and myself, we virtually ran it between us. So now he's gone.

I'm in charge.

Well, I've given it a great deal of thought. Yes, Colonel. Yes, Colonel.

Colonel, but what about the first killing?

Thanks, Colonel.

Well?

It fits.

In each case, the victim's office system was so complex that only a secretary

could cope with it.

So when he died... The secretary was put in charge temporarily.

The trouble is, they turned out so efficient, they're now running the show.

Well, there's the answer.

Is it? They were all hired by different agencies.

So there's no link.

Oh, young, pretty, efficient.

Ruthless.

And someone is bringing them together.

Who?

Mr. Rudge is here to see you, Henrietta.

Bring him closer, Henry.

It's so nice to meet you at last, Mr. Rudge.

So very nice.

Good morning.

What can I do for you?

I had wanted to see Mr. Rudge.

Mr. Rudge is not here.

Not here, huh? He's away, taking an extended holiday.

Extended holiday?

Oh. Dear, he promised to assist me.

Steed. John Steed.

It was only a trifling matter, but he did say... While Mr. Rudd is away, I'm

charge here.

Won't you please sit down, Mr. Steed?

Thank you.

Now, just what is your problem?

I'm setting up in business on my own. Stocks, investments, that sort of thing.

But it is a little difficult.

I have four million pounds to be taken care of.

Four million pounds?

To be taken care of, yes.

That's the extent of my credit at the moment.

I see.

And just how can I help you?

I haven't a suite of offices at the moment, working at home, mostly alone.

Now, Mr. Rudge said that he might be able to find me someone to help me with

paperwork, filing, that sort of thing.

It would be only part -time, mostly evenings.

But this person would have to have a great deal of initiative to be able to

cope.

What you need, Mr. Steed, is a secretary.

A thoroughly efficient secretary.

Miss Maryweather?

Mrs. Peel, these freighting figures are incorrect.

Oh? Yes, you are showing £120 more than necessary.

Oh, that's because of the Baxter order.

They phoned through last night after you left. They wanted their goods

dispatched immediately, so I attended to it. I thought rather than lose a good

customer. I see.

Well, you did the right thing, Mrs. Peel.

Used your initiative.

I like that.

Thank you, Miss Merriweather. I've noticed, too, that you attend to your

duties with remarkable efficiency.

Thank you, Miss Merriweather.

You have a sharp mind, Mrs. Peel. A fine grasp of business matters.

Have you ever considered setting up on your own?

Working for yourself?

Taking over a business, you mean.

Why work for somebody else when you could work for yourself?

I hadn't thought about it.

You should.

You definitely should.

Right, girls.

Let me have your daily report.

Annie?

Progressing.

Excellent. Liz?

I'm ready to take over another section of Barton's Industries.

Ah, yes.

Dear Mr. Rudge has worked out a splendid way of doing that.

Has he not, Henry?

Oh, yes, dear.

He has.

Mary? Well, I have a young woman working for me. It's too early to say yet, but

I think she might be useful to us. Indeed.

We'll discuss that later.

Sarah? I found a new victim.

Splendid. His name?

Steed.

John Steed.

Take a letter, Miss Penny.

Take a letter, Miss Penny.

Take a letter, Miss Penny.

Miss Penny?

The door was open.

Do come in.

Right on time.

Punctual to the very second. You asked for an efficient secretary.

Well, shall we begin?

Begin? Oh, yes, begin.

Yes, indeed.

Begin.

I shall begin with some dictation. Dear sir, a further to yours of the

fourth inch.

Remind 7 oblique stroke 99942 of the first inst.

I beg to inform you... Yes?

Where do I sit?

Sit?

Oh, yes.

Sit.

Here will be delightfully informal.

Try the sofa.

Very relaxing.

You startled me.

You can run along now.

I'll lock up. Thank you. Goodnight, Miss Merriweather. Goodnight.

Henry and Henry at a Throgbottom.

Keep fit, classes.

For young ladies.

Oh.

It's the link we've been looking for. The common factor.

An ideal meeting place.

Drooping dorsals, tough and tone -up.

Direct those sinews.

You know, it makes me feel quite tired.

Well, a little bit of exercise will get you on your feet again. You're quite

right.

Ah, toned up already. Hey, don't come here again.

Why? I don't want you running into my secretary.

She's absolutely beautiful.

And very efficient.

So I noticed.

Don't turn your back on her.

I won't.

I shall keep my eye on Henry and Henrietta. And you keep... Fit.

Open.

Lunge to the right and the left.

Commence.

Lunge to three.

And lunge to three.

And lunge two.

And lunge two.

And lunge two, three, and rest.

Mrs. Peel, a word.

Position three.

If you could manage a little more purchase on that one. Mrs. Peel.

Oh, Miss Merriweather. Glad you could make it.

You know one another?

Yes. Mrs. Peel works for me. Indeed.

This is a surprise, Miss Merriweather. Yes, isn't it?

I had no idea you were one of Mr. Henry's pupils.

Oh, well, I wasn't. She enrolled this evening.

It's all the secretarial business.

I'd got crap in my gluteals, and my dorsals were definitely dormant. So I

thought it was a good idea.

It was, indeed.

But we're waiting time, ladies.

Those muscles and sinews are dragging, looping as we're talking.

Let's get them in trim.

Come along, ladies.

Into position 33, if you please.

Relax into it slowly.

Leave it.

I'm working overtime on my next victim.

Keep your knees straight.

Good evening, Mr. Dean. Good evening.

Correspondence this evening, isn't it? Yes.

I've been thinking it over.

What over?

What you said about working for myself.

Being my own boss.

Like the idea?

Yes.

How do I go about it?

Why don't we think it over?

And in the meantime, keep fit, bloody accountancy, and improve your shorthand.

Yours sincerely, John Steed.

I'll have these typed and ready for your signature tomorrow.

Fine, Miss Danny.

Do you have to dash off? How about a drink?

Sorry, Mr. Seed, I have another appointment.

Oh. Well, we have got a lot done.

Letters written, bills paid, everything neatly filed.

Oh, I must say, that baffles me a little.

What? Your filing system. It's so complex, I don't understand it at all.

But I do, and that's all that matters.

It means that I can take over when you've gone.

Gone?

Abroad. Away on some business trip, perhaps.

Good night, Mr. Steed.

Good night, Miss Penny.

Right, lady, thank you. On your feet.

That's all for the evening, Mrs. Peel.

Advanced students only, now.

Oh.

See you tomorrow, Mrs Peel. Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Madam Henrietta's waiting for you.

You have something to say, Mary?

It's about Mrs Peel. I'm now convinced she'd be a valuable addition to our

organisation. Very well.

We will put her to the usual test.

Now, if none of you have anything further to add, I will say goodnight.

Henry and I have much to do, new plans to make.

We shall be working until the early hours.

I'm most terribly sorry, miss. I just wanted a word with you. Are you blind?

Couldn't you have phoned? At risk of wiretap. My foot missed the brake.

Henrietta's been dead for years. Just seen her gravestone. It's all extremely

odd. Well, no harm done. No harm? There ought to be a law against these things.

How are you getting on? Not too well.

Progressing. Watch your driving in future.

And you watch your step.

Excellent, Mrs. Peel.

Really excellent.

A fine fighting spirit.

And what was all that about?

You want to set up your own business, don't you? We had to put you to the

See if you qualified.

Qualified for what? To become an advanced student and meet Henry Etter.

There, dear.

How do I look, Henry?

Resplendent, dear. Just as you always do.

My rap, Henry, mustn't keep our dear girls waiting.

Yes, dear.

And she really runs things around here.

Henry, well, Henry's just a man.

And who is Henrietta?

Well, nobody knows.

You mean you've never even seen her?

Oh, we see her.

And we don't see her.

You'll understand.

There.

Good evening, girls.

A good turnout this evening, I see.

And a new member in our midst. I take it she has passed the initiative test?

With flying colours.

Splendid. Absolutely splendid.

Mrs Peel, please step forward.

I understand you want to become your own boss.

Yes. Why?

Well, I...

Because you have been subjugated to men too long.

Always at his beck and call.

Commanded, used, abused.

Always the slave, never the master.

That is the function of this organization, Mrs. Peel.

To take woman out of the secretary's chair and put her behind the executive

desk. To bring men to heel and put women at the pinnacle of power.

20th century Amazons.

Exactly. Do you still wish to support our organization?

Yes.

Whatever it may entail.

Whatever. Then raise your hand and swear.

Ruination to all men.

Ruination to all men.

Ruination to all men.

It is agreed then. I welcome you, Mrs. Peel.

I invite you to sit down.

We will now proceed with the evening's lesson.

A demonstration on Henry.

How to kill a man.

Sarah. Excellent, Sarah.

Now, Mrs. Peel, you will try.

And you, Sarah, take Liz with you and put your technique to work on Mr. Steed.

A pleasure.

Miss Penny, what a happy surprise.

Mr. Steed, I'm awfully sorry to disturb you. Please come in. Thank you.

Oh, this is my friend, Liz Furbright. How do you do, Liz Furbright? How do you

do? Our car's broken down just around the corner. I thought if I could use

phone. Everything that is mine is yours, Miss Penny.

If you don't know the number, the telephone books are in the bread bin.

Terrible weather.

And nothing between you and the weather but leather. Ah, well, nice warm

brandies soon warm you up, soda.

You're going to talk.

Excellent,

Mrs. Peel. You learned fast.

Henry, I think Mrs. Peel has qualified for our award of membership.

Yes, dear.

It's no ordinary charm bracelet.

Everything functional, you see.

The gun.

The file of poison.

Radio transmitter.

Smoke bomb.

What's she doing here?

You know her.

I ought to.

She was out at Hooters' place.

Snooping.

Well, it sets us a problem.

We've never had to kill a woman before.

Never one of our own kind.

need me, you see.

An accountant.

They're forcing me to work out complicated accounting systems for them.

They're mad, Steed. All of them. Quite mad.

They're going to take over the whole business world.

Ruination to all men. That's their slogan.

There's just one thing we need for these.

The key.

Well, I'm in no mood to be ruined.

Where are they?

Well, if I'd known, I would have brought my ray gun.

You have arrived just in time, Mr. Steed.

That is the boss.

We had a problem.

How to dispose of Mrs. Peel.

But now you are here, the problem is solved.

Who's pulling the strings?

Someone behind the drapes. It shall appear that you attacked Mrs. Peel,

her, and then took your own life.

That's a good idea.

And another man out of the way.

We do have our uses, madam.

Let me do it.

Let me kill him. Very well. And take Annie the crimper with you.

Crimper? Oh, you shall see, Mr. Steed.

You shall see.

Henry? Yes, dear?

You will go along to see it is accomplished smoothly.

Yes, dear.

Ruination to all men.

That's, um...

Well, that's a big job.

Not to us. No man will dominate us again. We shall crush them all under

You see, Mr. Teed, how can we fail?

Such determination, such spirit. How can we possibly...

Henry.

Henry. Yes.

Henry.

And this gadget electronically controls the doll.

No man

will ever dominate you.

You've been taking orders from a man all the time.

You've been fooled by a very brilliant ventriloquist.

My Henrietta.

My darling Henrietta.

I trained her.

She would have been the greatest ballerina ever, and I trained her.

Then they took her away from me.

Men.

Businessmen. Form your own company, Henrietta. Take a chance, Henrietta.

We'll take care of the business side, Henrietta.

That's what they told her.

Then they destroyed her.

Bankrupt.

Ruined.

Until finally...

Mandy got to her.

Businessman.

That's why I did what I did.

For her.

In her memory.

Oprah, I'll shoot. Kill him, Henry. Kill him. Yes, dear.

So far, it seems simple enough.

Wait until you get to the bit about the explosive consonants.

That sounds dangerous.

P's and B's are very difficult.

Oh, I don't know.

A bottle of beer, a bottle of beer, no trouble at all.

Steed, I saw your lips moving.