Original subtitles

Good morning, Mrs. Peel.

My patent do -it -yourself portable darkroom. Just developing some holiday

snaps. I won't be long. Just got to finish this roll, and I'll take you out

lunch. Don't bother. I can't keep our lunch date.

And? I have another appointment.

Where?

At the Bastille?

No. An old uncle of mine died some while back, left me his house. I have to go

and look at it. Oh, how pathetic.

Not really. I never knew him.

Know that you have to dash. I've got my hands full, and I could do with a cup of

coffee.

Thank you.

Where is this place, anyway?

Uh, Seven Pines Pendlesham. Oh, yes, Hampshire.

Do you know it?

I've cycled around there once or twice.

Well, how do I get there?

Oh, it's easy. It's a B route, if I remember right. 31.

Yeah, it's a nice, quiet, leafy run.

That was very generous, little boy. Yeah, especially if I never actually met

him. I never knew I had an uncle until my lawyers wrote and told me about him.

Uncle Jack.

Black Jack of the family?

Navish uncle, twice removed.

Well, sorry about the date, Steve. I'll call you when I get back. Hey, Mrs.

Peel.

The keys of your castle.

Oh, thanks.

Bye.

By the way, I should have a look in the cellar.

My... to see if the old boy's laid down any wine.

Oh, my name is Steed, John Steed. I did meet you some time ago. I'm a friend of

a client of yours.

Mrs. Peel.

Yes, I remember you quite well, Mr. Steed. What can I do for you?

It's about this legacy of Mrs.

Peel's. A house willed to her by her Uncle Jack.

Just a moment, Mr. Steed.

I don't quite follow you. A legacy, you say?

I know nothing of any legacy.

And what's this about Uncle Jack? He died and left a house to Mrs. Peel.

you say?

It's quite impossible.

But you wrote her a letter. It quite definitely stated, Mr. Steed, I have

lawyer for Mrs. Peel's family for years.

I can state quite categorically she has no Uncle Jack.

And furthermore, I never wrote her any letter.

Pongo?

Steed here.

Now look, I have a job for you.

It's Mrs. Peel.

She's on her way to Pendlesham.

Yes, that's right, Hampshire.

Pongo, please listen.

She's got a key with her. It's a perfectly ordinary key, but there's

strange about it.

It seems to have, well, electronic properties.

What on earth do you think you're doing?

I might have killed you. The speed you were going... The stopping distance of

this car is 147 feet, allowing for average reflexes. I position myself 150

away. Very mathematical of you. I am a very mathematical person.

You're also very stupid.

Supposing I hadn't seen you? In that case, my death would have been entirely

your fault.

I would like a lift, please.

You give me the fright of my life, and then you have the audacity to ask a

favour.

Where to?

As far as you are going.

I should say that I'm desperate to obtain a lift.

Desperate enough to recompense you for your trouble.

That won't be necessary.

Get in.

anyway. Acquiring your woodcraft badge?

Studying birds.

I'm intently fond of birds.

Very pleasant countryside.

Very pleasant indeed.

So quiet.

Empty.

Was it really the fright of your life when I jumped out on you?

You said it gave you the fright of your life.

Did it?

Just a figure of speech.

Where do you want me to drop you off?

As far as you're going, Mrs. Peel.

Mrs. Emma Peel.

I read your name on this.

I have you at a disadvantage.

Withers. Frederick Withers.

Yes, indeed, Mrs. Peel.

As far as you're going, you'll suit me very well.

Yes, of course it is.

Who is it?

Hello, who's there?

Pongo? No, Steed.

Pongo hasn't reported back yet.

If you like, I can contact Colonel Robertson and have him send... No.

I'm going out there to check for myself.

Who is it?

I'm being watched.

Every move I make, someone is watching.

No. Reason it out.

Work it out.

Rooms that move.

Whole areas that disappear.

Rollers under the floor.

Some kind of motor as a driving force.

One opens the door and an electronic plunger comes out, is

activated. Then, as the door swings shut...

Now, which of us is moving?

Is it me or the hall?

It's me.

So if I take my finger off...

So

this is where it all happens.

Let's find out who is making it happen.

Welcome, Mrs. Peel.

I hope you find this little exhibition amusing.

I contrived it for you, especially for you.

I've waited so long for you to see it, so very long.

You expected me?

Well, you're highly intelligent, Mrs. Peel. I knew you would find your way

sooner or later.

Show yourself.

Where are you?

I'm close by.

Who are you?

What do you want?

I imagine you're intrigued.

You're wondering why.

You'll find the answer in section four of my little exhibition.

Section four.

Good evening.

I'm speaking from the steps of the John Knight building, when even now a storm

of controversy rages around the young, sensational Miss Emma Knight, who this

morning sacked an automation expert from the Board of Knight Industries and

sparked off a... Oh, here she comes now.

Miss Knight.

Miss Knight.

One question, Miss Knight. Your motive for this shock dismissal? I couldn't

agree with his methods.

What were his methods, Miss Knight?

Automation to the ultimate degree.

Replace man with machine.

Subjugate him to it.

Equate man with machine. I couldn't agree to that.

I don't even think it's entirely possible.

That's why I dismissed Professor Keller.

Professor Keller.

Professor Keller.

Professor Keller.

Professor Keller.

Professor Keller.

Please examine section five, the final section of my exhibition.

Waited so patiently.

And here you are at last.

And here am I.

Equate man to machine.

You did not even think it possible.

You laughed at my theories. You held me up to ridicule.

You are wrong, Mrs. Peel. You are wrong.

The machine is not only man's equal, but his superior.

I will prove it to you.

That is why I lured you here.

Simple. A forged letter from your lawyers.

I knew you would come.

There will be no violence.

This house, I built it for you, and it will cherish you. It will warm you when

you are cold, feed you when you are hungry.

You will be quite safe here, Mrs. Beale, safe from all physical harm.

I expect the whole experiment to take some time, a pitting of wits, and

proof that the machine is superior to man or woman.

All right, Professor Keller.

Step out slowly.

Hands high.

Professor?

Get up!

This is the horse that kicked the cow.

That chased the dog that bit the cat.

That killed the rat that lived in the house that Jack built.

This is the bull that tossed the horse, that kicked the cow, that chased...

Dog.

That bit the cat, that killed the rat, that lived in the house that

Jack built.

Jack built. Jack built. Jack built.

Who are you?

Chase the dog.

Dog.

What is your name?

Who are you?

Bad man.

Bad, bad, bad man.

Ran away.

How did you get here?

Ran away.

Long time ago.

Very long time ago.

I want to go back.

Away from here.

Come on.

Up you go.

This is

the dog that tossed the horse.

that killed the cat, that chased the cow, that bit the rat, that lived in the

house that Jack built.

Hands high!

Give that to me,

please.

You want to get away from here, don't you?

I'm going to help you get out.

All right.

I shall just have to leave you behind.

So you have found your way to me.

I am dead.

I've been dead for quite some time.

Only the house is alive.

Only the house.

has told me I was going to die.

They gave me a year.

I used that year to great advantage, Mrs. Peel.

This house is a machine, an indestructible machine, powered by solar

frictionless bearings.

This machine will last for a thousand years, perhaps forever.

An indestructible monument to my ingenuity.

And yet the means of your destruction.

You see, Mrs. Peel, the mind of a machine cannot reason.

Therefore, it cannot lose its reason. That is the machine's ultimate

superiority. Its mind has no breaking point.

But your mind... When the experiment is concluded, the machine will continue to

function perfectly.

But you, Mrs. Peel, you will be quite, quite mad.

But all the workings of the machine are quite impregnable.

Nevertheless, the test will be fair.

The machine is tuned to the acoustics of your voice and will answer any

questions you may have through an automated larynx.

I must apologize for any delay in the answers. The technique is quite complex.

This is the end of my pre -recorded message, Mrs. Peel.

In a few days, I shall be dead.

But, uh...

My machine will live on.

And sooner or later, you will stand in this house and hear me.

Goodbye, dear lady.

Goodbye.

The object of the exercise is to drive me insane.

How will you know when you've achieved it?

And then?

Suicide box.

Once inside, gas released.

You will feel no pain. No pain.

You've made a mistake.

You've told me what to expect.

Now whatever happens I'll know it's a trick I can reason it out

You've made a mistake.

You've told me what to expect.

Now whatever happens, I'll know it's a trick.

I can reason it out.

The answer is here.

Somewhere in here.

There's no way in.

How do I get in?

The brain must be down there.

Somewhere down there.

Now, if only I could... Not a hope.

Anyway, the thing's empty.

What I need is to make some kind of bomb.

Now, what is there?

in the room.

There is. Yes, the key.

Will it fit?

Yes, it does.

Now what do I need?

I need some wadding and I need gunpowder.

Gunshot. Shotgun.

Shells. Do you have any left?

Shotgun shells.

What happened to the shining armor?

It's still at the laundry.

Never mind.

I'll give you a ride home on the old horse.

was your man.

Yes, poor old Pongo. I sent him to keep an eye on you. Why on earth didn't he

tell me that?

It was my fault, really. I told him to soft pedal a bit.

Soft pedal?

Well, I didn't want to frighten you.