Original subtitles

Well, that's it, sir.

I've set my piece.

The job gets more dangerous all the time. I think it calls for a rise in

Either you double my cut or count me out.

You rang, sir?

Will that be all, sir?

Not too hot for you, sir?

Can you take me now?

A quick scrape and a hot towel or two?

Yes, I think so, sir.

I'll leave you to stew for a while.

Right, sir.

I left the mouth tip in the back of the car. Let's hope the cat doesn't get out

of the basket.

What's that? In your side of the war, we find British defence secrets.

Who from?

Not much of a day, is it, sir?

Someone in your war office.

Well, let's hope it brightens up later.

Who at the war office?

You know the risk I'm taking?

If I were found out, that's the problem of being a double agent.

You double the risk.

And the remuneration.

Thank you, sir.

I've narrowed it down to three names.

Group Captain Miles.

Brigadier Ponsonby Goddard.

And Vice Admiral Willows.

One of them must be a traitor.

Hot towel for you, sir?

Uh, yes.

Question is, which one of the three is the rotten apple? Any idea?

Oh,

just coming, sir.

Finish off in half a second, sir.

An admiral, a brigadier, and a group captain.

Ahoy there!

Commander Red, request permission to board.

I have an appointment with Admiral Willis. Ah, yes, Commander. You are

Where the devil's the top half of my number one blues, sir?

My jacket, my uniform jacket, idiot. Very good, sir. Right away, sir.

Oh, by the way, sir, this is Commander Red.

Commander, eh?

Admiralty business, I suppose?

Yes, sir.

Well, I'm too busy now. First race is at 1 .30.

What race, sir? Ramsdown Park.

A little filly running had me eye on for some time.

Oh, how about tomorrow, sir? Triple Guinea steaks, can't miss that.

Oh, dear. Day after?

Kempsfield races. May fit you in next week, perhaps. Here you are, sir.

That's it,

sir.

There we are. That's better. Now where's me bridge coat?

Sir? The bridge coat, me top coat.

Very good, sir. Right away, sir.

Landlubber. I wish Walters hadn't disappeared like that.

Walters, sir? My butler, the chap I had before this Benson fella.

Now he really looked after me. You say he disappeared?

How? I don't know what happened to him.

Went AWOL, jumped ship, fell overboard.

If you will wait in here, Major White.

Thank you.

I will inform the brigadier that you are here.

Right.

Down, man, down!

Get your head down!

Take cover!

By George, that was a close thing.

Brigadier Ponsonby Goddard, sir.

Brigadier? What do you think this is, fruit salad?

Major General Ponsonby Goddard.

Sorry, sir.

It's my son you want, young Percy.

How lucky you came along. You can reconnoiter the West Ridge.

The West Ridge, sir? Over there.

By the fire tongs.

Off you go, then.

I'll give you a covering fire.

Keep your head down.

What do you want with him, anyway?

Sir? Young Percy. That's who you came to see, isn't it?

Oh, a short history of his military career for the regimental magazine, sir.

I wouldn't print a word about young Percy if I were you.

The traitor.

That's what he is.

Order his shot.

Father!

Father, I told you before about playing around in here.

Playing?

Playing? Maneuver it, then.

Kindly confine your activities to the gun. And don't blow up the roses again.

All right, then. Off you go.

Major White, isn't it? Yes, sir.

War office told me you were coming.

Regimental magazine or something.

That's right, sir.

I, uh... I'm sorry about that.

The old man is a nuisance.

Would you like a drink? A little early in the day, I think, sir.

He's a nuisance, but he's supposed to be harmless, really.

Not to you, sir. He made some very strange accusation.

Accusation? He said you were a traitor, sir.

Oh, there.

That's because I'm the...

Only one in the family who's not in a cavalry regiment.

He can't understand that the cavalry simply doesn't exist anymore. He can't

adjust. Oh, really, sir?

Now, Major, I wonder, this interview, it's not very urgent, is it?

Tomorrow, perhaps? I have a very, very bad headache.

Something I ate. Something you ate, sir?

Certainly, sir.

Right, I'll just call my butler and see you out.

Arise!

Please don't bother, sir.

I'll see myself out.

I told you not to call me here.

No, I haven't chickened out.

Look, look, I can't talk now.

Meet me here tonight.

The study.

At ten.

I'll leave the windows unlatched.

No! Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

Brigadier Ponsonby Goddard is at home to no one.

This way, sir.

Good morning, sir. Good morning.

Thank you.

Actually, I wanted a word or five with Group Captain Miles. Out, I'm afraid.

Oh, bad show. Squadron Leader Blue. Squadron Leader Hogg. Anything I can do.

Actually, I wanted a word or two about the old groupie. Official magazine, you

know. I'm acting as PRO.

From GHQ?

BHQ. On TTR?

JJV. It's accounted from RHB.

Really? How's the GSM?

A1. MI?

Shifted PPR.

Downgraded to 007, eh?

Upgraded to BB5.

Who got his GGQ, then?

How's the CEO?

Okay. Oh.

You bang on.

I'm very sorry to barge in like this. The door's open.

I said butler, fella. Hemming.

Disappeared again.

I'm coming to the office, old flute.

Good show.

Would you like some coffee?

Disappeared. Yeah?

The butler.

Yeah? Oh, Hemming, yes, yes.

Disappeared into the conservatory.

Always out there trimming roses or something like that. Got green fingers.

Well, now, what can I tell you about the O .C.? Decent sort of chap.

Officer and gentleman, all that sort of thing.

Demon for work.

Oh, amongst other things, eh, what?

Eh? Oh.

Yes, I see what you mean.

That's Georgie Porgie for you. Georgie Porgie?

Yes, the O .C., Group Captain Miles.

That's what the girls call him, you know, Georgie, Porgie, Puddin' and Pie.

Guess the girls have made him cry, and does he? I don't know about making him

cry, old top, from what I've seen, they rather enjoy it.

Runs his amorous adventures like a military operation.

Ah, fresh supplies coming in.

Afternoon, Mr. Hammett. Good afternoon, Sergeant Moran.

Champagne, caviar, foie gras.

Ah, thank you.

Your gentleman entertaining again tonight, is he? That is correct.

Not the young lady, is he?

What's it this time?

Blonde? Brunette?

Redhead? Really, Sergeant Moran, you know perfectly well I don't indulge in

gossip about Group Captain Miles.

Don't have to, do you?

Common knowledge is susceptible to a pretty face.

The question is, how susceptible is he?

And that's what you want me to find out.

Mrs. Peel, if a man's susceptibilities are to be driven to nerve -jangling

breaking point, if he's pushed to the very edge of betraying queen and

who better than you?

Vital, you said?

It wouldn't be exaggerating to say that the fate of the... Entire nation was in

the balance. That's just about it.

Defense secrets being sold to... Other side.

And it must be one of three people.

An admiral who gambles too much, a brigadier who drinks too much, a group

captain who... A group captain.

Name? Georgie Miles.

Habitat?

Mostly the spa.

Shouldn't be too difficult to pick him up.

He will come to me.

Excellent.

Excuse me, sir.

Madam, can I get you another drink?

I'm sure the lady will. I have to leave, I'm afraid.

The Brigadier's butler has a rendezvous tonight. I'll have to hurry if I'm to

find out who with.

In the middle of the countryside.

Eh? Just taking a breath of fresh country air.

What about Miles?

Have you contacted him yet?

No. Well, I hate to interrupt your parochial pleasures, but don't you think

ought to get a move on?

It's all in hand.

Ah.

5 -4 -3 -2 -1 -0.

Operation Fascination has just begun.

Group Captain Miles.

You rang, son?

Coffee, Hemming.

Black coffee.

Very good, son.

I say...

Not quite so much noise, old chap. Right.

I, um... I brought a young lady home with me last night.

Yes, you did, sir. Who was she? Do you know?

You did not confide the young lady's name to me, sir.

Oh. Are you all right, sir?

Hmm? Oh, yes. Yes.

Well? Well?

That's miles up at the bar now.

If you don't mind my saying so, sir, you don't look too well this morning.

A little hungover, I'm afraid.

Heavy night, sir.

Well, to tell you the truth, I don't remember very much about it. I wish I

You don't seem to be making much progress.

You're here.

He's there.

Darling, I love you.

What will it be, the usual?

The competition mounting all the time.

Competition?

What competition?

There I was, you see.

Guns jammed, control shot away, enemy coming.

I'm dining with him today.

You're remarkable, Mrs. Peel.

Admiral Willows and Brigadier Goddard both lost their butlers. They both got

replacements from here.

Hence, I'm thinking of going into service.

You?

I shall endeavor to give satisfaction, Mother.

I'll give you a good reference.

Don't forget you have a date with Georgie.

Don't do anything I would do.

I apologise.

I rang the front doorbell, but...

My name is Steed, John Steed.

I wish to enrol.

You rang, sir?

Yes, indeed I did, Benton.

How did this gentleman get in here unannounced? I'm sorry, sir, but I was

a suit -sponging class, and I... No excuses, Benson. You set a very poor

to Mr. Steed here.

Steed?

Haven't we met somewhere before, sir? I'm afraid not.

All right, Benson.

Benson? Sir?

Aren't we forgetting something?

Forgetting something?

Oh. Will that be all, sir?

You may go, Benson.

Thank you, sir.

Hemming.

Hubert Hemming.

I am the principal here.

But surely you're in service with the Miles household.

In service with the Miles household.

Admirable, Mr. Seed. Admirable.

A fine grasp of the vernacular.

Yes, indeed, I do serve Group Captain Miles. Then if you'll forgive my asking,

how do you find the time to...

A labor of love, Mr. Steed.

Benton, myself, all the tutors here contribute what time we can manage on a

voluntary basis.

We train raw recruits in the craft of butling.

And we also endeavor to raise our own standards in the process.

I see.

Now, you, your job. I take it you wish to enroll?

As soon as possible.

And you've been in service before?

Then you have references.

The Duke of Duffop.

The Earl of Isley.

And the Honorable Fleghorn.

Excellent. These really are excellent.

And your general demeanor, your appearance, it's promising.

Most promising.

Yes, I think we might make something of you.

But it'll not be easy.

You'll find the coarse and arduous one.

But you'll learn many things, many crafts.

You will start at the bottom, learning to polish the master's shoes.

One.

And one, two, three.

One, two, three.

Firm, steady stroke.

Watch that welt. One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three. And one, two, three.

Right.

Excellent, gentlemen. Excellent.

You'll soon be ready to move on to more skillful things.

Prepping the master's trousers.

Poise that iron.

Poise, Jenkins, poise.

Right.

Down and along and back and forth.

And back and forth. And back and forth. And back and forth. And back.

Well done, Steve.

Nice easy style, hasn't he?

Sure I've seen him somewhere before.

Standing groom at a race meeting, perhaps.

Or one of Her Majesty's garden parties.

Back and forth.

Or one of Her Majesty's prison.

Easy, controlled movements.

Dignity.

Dignity at all times.

Splendid.

It'll soon be time for you to appear from below stairs and enter the master's

living room.

You rang, sir?

Ah, with that tray.

The waistcoat buttons are not on.

You're smiling, Perkins.

Obsequious man, obsequious.

Nice turnout, Steve.

All right, gentlemen.

I'll be ready.

And one, two, three.

Dinner is served, my lord.

Now watch that stance.

And turn.

And one, two, three, four.

Your carriage away.

Wilson, your head is nodding.

Nodding man, you're supposed to be bowing.

Right. And one, two, three.

A gentleman to see you, sir.

Yes, much, much better, gentlemen. Much better. All right. At ease.

Come along very nicely. I'm proud of you. But you've still got a lot to

great deal, before you become masters of your chosen craft.

And let us not forget our slogan, gentlemen.

Better, brighter, more beautiful butling.

And our masters shall want for nothing at all.

Excuse me, sir.

Sir, telephone, sir.

I'm not here.

It's the CFEE, sir.

I'll tell them that I... CFEE?

Excuse me, my dear.

F -double -E.

Commission for Eastern Europe.

I beg your pardon, sir, but there is a lady... No, no, no. Consult the card.

There is a lady, Mickle Biddy, to see you, sir.

Do I know the lady?

I think not, sir.

And what does she look like?

Young and pretty.

The lady is young and pretty. No, no, no, no, no. A slight cough or tearing

throat after the lady is, implying that this is a delicate matter and you're

aware of it.

Most discreet, sir.

Try again.

The lady is young and rather pretty, sir.

Splendid, splendid.

It's rather. Rather, I like that.

Full marks for originality, Steve.

Hubert!

I just had a phone call about you.

I can't help feeling you're being rather foolish.

Don't you think you should reconsider your decision?

No, no, no.

I gave you my answer. I am not leaving, and that is final.

As you wish.

Trouble, sir?

No.

No. Heard you say something about leaving, sir.

Yes, flattering, really. I've had a very substantial offer to leave the service

of Group Captain Miles.

But you've turned him down, sir?

Yes. Had you accepted, had you left Group Captain Miles, we'd have to

replacement from here, eh, sir? Too much gossip below stairs, Seed.

Get on with your sponging and your cleaning.

Yes, indeed, sir.

What the devil do you think you're doing?

You practiced on those jutes there.

These are not to be touched.

Right,

gentlemen. Out you, sir.

We're not to be disturbed, any?

Very good, sir.

Captain Miles, resident.

Yes, speaking.

What?

Well, let's get on with it. I'd like to discuss the defense installations on the

east coast.

Not a word, Brigadier.

Not yet.

Would you care to join me, gentlemen?

Yes.

A new security ruling to foil concealed microphones.

I can't possibly leave now.

Well, if it's that urgent, I could slip out.

Well, he's in conference.

He'll probably be tied up for a while.

Hemming won't stand in our way any longer, sir.

It's all over.

Allow me, sir.

By the way, sir, the new man, Steed, I've checked his references.

He is an imposter.

But don't worry, sir.

I'll attend to him, too.

Emmy.

Would you come this way, sir?

And a cigar.

Why don't you just shoot? And a

light.

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

You know, you make an excellent butler, but a very poor forger.

See, these references here.

The Duke of Duffup, the Earl of Isley, the Honourable Fleghorn.

You see, I've checked.

They're all the names of pubs.

Yeah, well, what's the real story?

Kicked out for stealing the family silver.

Something like that. Yes, I thought so.

A thief.

The petty thief.

Now, go on, pour yourself a drink.

You know, Ford's references are the best recommendation you could have.

Now, I'm going to give you the chance to earn some real money, Steed.

Poor old Hemming is dead.

How will his master manage without him?

Good morning.

I have an appointment.

You are anticipated, Modham.

May I take Modham's coat? May I venture to say that Modham looks the cat's

whiskers.

Emma, darling, you look ravishing.

Ravishing.

Come in, my dear.

Steed, you may serve the aperitifs immediately.

You like my etchings?

You actually do have some. The best of the collection is upstairs.

An aperitif, madam?

Thank you. A concoction of my own, sir. I call it romantica.

Sit down, won't you?

Make yourself comfortable.

Let's... Have a bit of music, shall we?

Anything in particular?

No. I'll leave the choice entirely up to

you.

That's much cozier.

Now, let's get to know each other better, eh?

Emma.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I've hurt you, haven't I?

No, no, not at all.

That's a jolly little painting.

Who painted it? Oh, Carter, somebody or other.

Oh, when?

Oh, about 1820.

Oh, it looked like a Parisian street scene. Was it painted in Paris? I think

yes. Watercolour? Yes. Oh, what about this one?

Engraved by Jonathan Peabody, 1776, copper on wood. Darling.

Would you wish me to serve the first course now, sir?

No. Right, sir.

What the devil is it now?

The champagne, sir.

Would you wish me to serve it now? No. And don't come in again unless I ring.

You rang, sir?

Yes.

I think you can open the champagne now, steed.

As you wish, sir.

All right. All right.

I'll do that.

Here we go, steed.

Now then, Georgie, you and I must have a little talk.

You said you'd do anything for me.

Anything at all?

You can't be serious.

Betray secrets that you should think that I would... You can't be serious.

No, I was just testing you. Testing me? And I failed, I suppose.

As a matter of fact, you just passed.

I don't understand.

Sit down.

We'll get you a nice cup of tea, and you must be awfully warm in that.

But... Yes?

Well, surely you expect me to... Well, all the others expect me to... Corny and

very boring.

I said, you mean that?

You really won't mind if I don't try to seduce you?

Don't give it a second thought.

Oh, I'd love a cup of tea.

It's a terrible reputation of mine, you see. I don't know how it started, but

now I'm stuck with it. The full Casanova bit.

Sometimes can be very tiring.

Must be.

Never mind. Put your feet up. Have a rest.

There is one thing I'd like to do with you.

Ooh!

Group Captain Miles, residents.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, I'll tell him.

Two, three, four. Oh, no,

no. I have another go.

Two, three, four, five.

I'm sorry to intrude, sir, but there has been a telephonic communication.

Well, what the devil is it?

A defence conference, sir.

Your presence is requested immediately.

Oh, blast.

I was winning, too.

Sorry about this, my dear.

Where is the conference taking place?

Brigadier Goddard's residence, sir.

Well, there's no need for you to rush off.

Go and have that tea.

Steed will take care of you.

See you later.

Well, we can eliminate Georgie Porgie. I put him to the test.

Really? What did you offer him? One, two, three, four, five. Never you mind.

He's no traitor. Take my word for it. I'd already come to that conclusion.

Well, no one knows a man better than his own butler.

That's what this business is all about.

Getting the right man into the right household.

Hemming had to go because he couldn't be bribed. So you took his place.

Now, what's the link between... Defence secrets, stealing them. And service

under staff.

Well, that's a secret they haven't let me into yet.

Hurry up, we haven't got all day.

All right, Benson, I've got that.

What is it? I've just been told why I'm here.

Georgie Porgie, as soon as he gets back from the conference, I'm to spill wine

all over him.

See you again soon, gentlemen. Goodbye. Right.

Have this cleaned up as soon as possible. Now I have to go and change my

By thunder, that's the third uniform you've ruined this month.

See to it, man. See to it.

Oh, you hand -fisted ass.

My sincere apologies, sir. I don't think so. Look at it. It's ruined. My

thoughts were in the cloud.

I'll take it straight to the butler's pantry, sir.

There you are. We'll soon have that nape restored to its original luster, sir.

You did it. You attended it. Indeed, sir.

Idiot.

I'll take that.

I'll get it cleaned for you.

Steve, where the devil is my... Please accept my resignation, sir.

Look, Steed.

A miniature tape recorder.

Every word of every conference.

Recorded for posterity.

If we tighten up radar stations along the East Coast, it should help. I agree.

I'm not so sure.

Don't forget, our deployment of Polaris submarines... We have, as they say,

delivered the goods, don't you think, sir?

I think we can...

Yes, I'm the boss around here.

Sergeant Moran.

Barman? Dishwasher?

Yes, sir. No, sir. Three bags full, sir.

Twenty years, frontline service.

They gave me a medal for it.

And they relegated me to polishing glasses.

Me.

Sergeant Moran.

Well, now, it's my turn.

Get rid of them. Somewhere in the grounds.

Very good, sir.

Would you mind?

This way, please.

I don't need a gun to kill a woman.

Quarter's combat.

Hold home your advantage.

fought.

Splendid battle.

General, how did you turn up here?

Superior intelligence work.

Saw a butler fellow mucking about with young Percy's uniform.

Knew something was up.

I see you mentioned in dispatches.

Also have a word about young girls in the front line.

Don't like it at all.

Most distracting.

Splendid day.

Excellent.

Might rain, though.

Might.

Steed, why don't you say it?

Go on. I know you're dying to say it. Say what?

But in spite of all possible suspects... The butler did it.

Going up.

Thank you.