Original subtitles

My God!

I think the princess must be at the controls again!

Language?

Holy camel toe, Batman.

Yeah, like totally.

Just what were you doing with Princess Leia back there?

That's disgusting.

You'll be deactivated for that sort of thing.

What mission?

Um... I don't even have balls.

All systems ready.

Where are those transmissions you intercepted?

What have you done with... Damn.

Any more?

Tear this ship apart.

Until you've found those plants, then bring me the passengers.

I want them alive.

Sir!

I need to practice.

Ew, what a desolate place this is.

I don't have a womb.

You going?

Even if I had an ass, it would not be fat.

You go that way then, you rusty little twink. I hope you get signed in your

service patch.

This way is much easier.

That malfunctioning pile of yasm dung. He tricked me into this.

Over here!

Hey, sailor!

Lord Vader.

Captured Princess Leia. Have we got any information yet?

Not yet.

Rebels wouldn't dare attack the station.

If the rebels discover our weakness, they could exploit us. They could

your mother.

This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.

Quit stalling.

Are you in or out?

I'm in.

To Harry.

Charming to the lads.

To Yotham and the Kaiba Crystal.

You're bluffing. I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Are you Jeff Vader?

Jeff Vader?

Yeah, I'm from the canteen. Mr. Stevens, the cater manager, sent me up.

What is the meaning of this?

Well, I've got this chain for Jeff Vader.

Leave that to me.

You've got a sign for that.

I'm afraid you are mistaken about a great many things.

This bickering is pointless.

Vader, sign the form and go and interrogate Princess Leia.

As you wish.

Princess Leia.

Darth Vader.

Only you could be so bold.

Don't act so surprised, Your Highness.

I'm not surprised.

I'm disgusted.

I'm a member of the Senate. You are a part of the Rebel Alliance. I want to

what happened to the plans they sent you.

And I suppose if I don't tell you, I'm to be tortured?

Not necessarily.

Perhaps we can reach an agreement.

My father would kill me.

Hardly. I know your father.

He's had more tail than a nerf herder.

You are about to learn the power of the dark side.

We will discuss the location of the hidden rebel base.

I'll blow it! I'll blow it! I'll blow it! Take it easy, Luke.

Or you're going to need your inhaler. What is it?

The Brutida. We need to find a new translator.

Yeah, I'm going to find a translator to tell Aunt Brut to kiss my black hole.

And what is your function?

Well, my primary function is etiquette and protocol.

Great. Someone's invented a droid to tell me which fork to use first.

What I really need is a droid that understands women well enough to tell me

the hell my wife is saying half the time. I was recently in the service of

absolute devil.

Shut up.

Shutting up? We'll take this one.

Come on, Red. Let's go. Move it.

Glow in another bad motivator.

What are you trying to pull here, you little smelly bastard?

Pardon me, master, but the little blue unit is in fine shape.

A filthy mouth, but functional.

We'll take the blue one.

Okay, come on, blue.

Oh, this blue bath feels so good.

I could just melt.

Never get to have any fun.

Be stuck here forever.

Well, so are we.

Wherever we are, I don't even know what planet this is.

Well, when they rinse the galaxy's colon, this is where they stick the

in. How exciting.

I don't know what this goo is.

You probably don't want to know, sir.

Just call me Luke. How about Big Boy?

Just Luke.

I am C -3PO, Human Cyborg Interrelation.

And this pile of degenerate scrap is my counterpart, R2 -D2.

Hello. Hey, uh, your R2 unit data probe is stuck. It shouldn't be poking out

like that all the time.

You obviously don't know R2.

Here.

Come for me.

Come for me, Obi -Wan Kenobi.

Come for me.

Hey, do you know her?

She's hot.

I'm not quite sure, sir. Females all look the same to me.

Now he claims that he's the property of someone named Obi -Wan Kenobi who lives

nearby and that this is a custom holocron for him.

Well, there's a... Old Ben Kenobi?

He's this weird hermit.

He lives beyond the doomed sea.

Anyway, I want to see the good part.

Play back the video.

What happened?

Where'd she go?

R2 -D2.

That is not acceptable.

What is it?

He says the first taste is always free.

You see what you can do with him.

And you're not the boss of me.

I'm afraid her resistance to my probe is considerable.

She told you nothing.

Nothing of use.

My lord, we are fully operational.

I feel like breakfasting somewhere civilized.

And then perhaps blowing it up.

That's your cause for Alderaan.

I can't believe that little tin can't screw me.

Why'd he run away?

He was babbling about some mission to find that Obi -Wan person.

R2 is completely obsessed.

Well, we better hope we don't run into any sand people.

Oh dear.

And if they do?

Well, we better hope they kill us before they eat us.

That little R2 probably got me in a lot of trouble.

That's his primary function.

Check the scanners.

I think we can find our little trash can.

Hit the accelerator.

Ed, where do you think you're going?

It was a rhetorical question, you glob of grief.

What's wrong?

There are several creatures approaching from the southeast.

Well, I see two Banthas, but I don't see any... Oh, there's them, people.

What's he doing to that Bantha?

Ew!

You're less Giddish than the others I see.

Don't be afraid. You won't need your weapon.

Or your clothes.

Hmm.

That is very much the tale of my love life.

Oh well.

We best get the boy indoors.