Original subtitles

Hey, Kimmy. Want to try something amazing?

Sure.

Whoa!

It's lavender perfume for picture day today. The smell makes you feel pretty,

you look pretty.

Thanks.

Uh, hey, Tamika.

Friend?

Friend?

We're friends.

Just friends.

Yeah, I'm picking up on that.

Freddy finally told me he like -liked me, but before I could tell him that I

like -liked him, he took it back, and now things are ten.

And was that uncomfortable?

I'd be more comfortable if you sprayed my eyes again.

You need glasses that are intellectual, but bring out your rugged individuality

with just a fork of mischief.

You get me.

Happy picture day.

You bought me the conquistador?

I don't know what I was thinking with these.

Some Magellan.

Hello, Travis Prep.

I hear it's picture day.

Looking sharp, Zach. Whoa, don't touch the shoe, people. I need this picture to

be perfect.

This year, I'm making the mantle.

Making the mantle?

Above the fireplace in my house, that's my family's traditional place of honor.

My school picture has never made the mantle.

There's always been something wrong with it.

So your parents don't have any pictures of you at their house?

None of the mantle.

My personal best is the top of the toilet tank in the guest bathroom.

I feel like an outsider in my own home. My brothers, my sisters, my cousins,

even the gardener has made the mantle.

But to be fair, it is a spectacular picture of Rodrigo.

Mr. Finn, did you forget it was picture day?

Of course not. I'm sporting my best look.

Check out these pants.

No holes and a partially working zipper.

Put those right. Give me.

Right here. Thank you.

And Mr. Finn, your zipper's undone.

Ah, only partially undone.

You may have noticed some changes to the school. The walls are freshly painted

and I've displayed all this wonderful artwork from ceramics class.

We don't have a ceramic class.

I took one last summer when I was dealing with a particularly hard

Had a lot of pottery that summer.

But I'm better now, Kenneth.

Anyway, the committee doesn't have to know that.

Committee? Oh, I happen to be in line for a kapati.

Ooh, is that the toilet that blow -drys your butt?

No.

Kapati stands for Central Austin Principal of the Year. It's a very...

Deidre's award.

But does it blow dry your butt?

No, I don't like that.

No, I need everything to be perfect. Nothing can get in the way of my

To be fair, we were really cleaning up after you.

Hey, Mr. Finn, you have two little red marks on your neck.

Huh? Maybe one of those bats bit you.

Oh, you know what that means.

Yeah, maybe you'll become a vampire.

What?

I don't have any mysterious bite marks on me, do I?

Or work bat poop?

I don't see any bat poop.

Your suit looks perfect.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can barely see it.

In fact, I think I was mistaken.

Uh, no, that definitely is it. And I think we're making it angry.

I've never been so bummed not to have bad poop on my face. Now I'll never get

the mantle.

Sure you will. And we'll help you. Just for kicks.

If one were becoming a vampire, how would one know?

Asking for a friend.

Do you have an inhuman thirst for blood?

I am a little parched. Some blood would really hit the spot.

a volcano on my face.

Zach, it's just a tiny blemish.

You're letting your imagination run away with you. You think?

Absolutely. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go get a garlic necklace to stop

myself from becoming the undead.

Look, Zach, I found a facial steamer that'll clear that baby up in no time.

actually, I think a few drops of tea tree oil would work much faster. I use

every day. I don't know. This is making me nervous.

What if it makes it worse?

Dude, it couldn't get much worse. I think you either lose it or you name it.

Thanks for all your help.

Where'd you get a face steamer at school?

Full disclosure, it's lunch lady Doris' foot steamer. Now get your face in

there! Stop being such a wimp.

I'll even demonstrate on myself.

Yeah, but the tea tree oil would work much faster.

Well done. And in no time at all. Ta -da! My pores feel amazing.

I am not putting my face anywhere near that thing. Why? What happened?

I look insane!

And I smell like feet.

What did I just do?

Someone help! I... You look ridiculous.

Whoa.

like you used your fancy pen ink instead of the tea tree oil. The bottles look

exactly the same. And that's all the mystery of the blue student.

I look like toilet water.

I look like a toilet brush.

Best friend.

Our school photos are going to look ridiculous this year. This is horrible.

I blame Jeremy.

Who's Jeremy?

That's what we named your zit.

Mitty will be here any minute. I am so nervous.

Fill me up. Just remember, you are a proud educator who's always calm. Here

come. Door.

Welcome to Travis Prep.

Oh, wow.

Such young, fresh faces. Isn't that wonderful?

Excuse me for a moment.

They're kids.

I can't relate to kids. I'm a principal.

You listen to me. You have devoted your whole life to kids.

Mostly yelling at them, but still.

I needed to hear that.

Okay, Principal Mullins, I'd like to explain how the award is given. Each

principal starts with 100 points.

Every time we see something that could use some improvement, we take off a few

points. Then we average our scores, and the principal with the most points wins.

Groovalicious.

So, what's with all the barrels?

Oh, oh, oh.

This is just one of the worst. Wonderful programs I've instituted here.

Grain for the needy.

What do the needy do with unprocessed grain?

Bean bag.

Rain sticks, maracas.

I don't understand what's supposed to happen here. Okay, this mud mask should

draw the zit juice and leave you looking mantle -worthy.

But why are you putting it over my whole face? Can't you just put it on the zit?

Let me put you at ease. We simply don't want to leave a line where the beautiful

treated skin meets your hideous regular face.

Okay, just breathe normally through these straws and you'll be fine.

Don't do anything weird to me while I'm wearing this.

Promise? You know we can't promise that.

It's a fact.

Well, we're stuck like this forever. My hair won't straighten.

And I look like Smurfette.

Guys, can we focus on my problems, please?

I'm starting to freak out a little bit about this vampire thing.

I've lost the taste for food.

Did you just eat a three -foot sub?

Yes, but the last foot was real hard to choke down.

I really don't think you're a vampire, Mr. Finn.

I need proof.

I'm going to use science to find the answer.

I'll walk outside, and if I don't burn up, I'm not a vampire.

I'm going to put on some sunscreen, just in case.

What have you done?

We promised we'd help Zach, and that's just what we're doing.

Oh, keeping your word. That's a change.

At least I didn't run away like some people I know.

Guys, are you two okay?

We're friends!

All right, ready?

Man, it's kind of crazy. I even thought I could be a vampire, right?

Yeah.

All right, let's do this for science.

What?

What is it?

Uh, nothing.

You guys are looking at me really weird.

Yeah, nothing.

You look fine, Mr. Finn.

I'm going to go get a wooden stake.

I totally heard that. I am a vampire.

Brains.

I need brains.

That's a zombie.

Oh, man, I'm a zombie vampire.

The mask has set.

Let's unveil the new Zach.

One, two, three.

Here, let me try.

One, two, three.

a bunch.

All right, nobody freak out, except Zach, because he's got a rock -hard slab

granite stuck to his face.

You guys, get it off him.

All right, I've got an idea. It's pretty dangerous for Zach, but I'm willing to

risk it.

Just take it easy, Zach.

What do you need, buddy?

You want to thank your pal, Lawrence? I'm right here.

You're thanking me. You are.

Why does he have to be so far back?

That's the most powerful laser I've ever built.

Any closer, it would fry his face off.

I know. I'm excited to try it out, too.

Guys, I don't know how much longer I have to spend with you on your mortal

plane. I just want to apologize in advance if I drink you like a juice box.

Ready, Jack?

Great.

Here we go.

Firing sequence in five, four.

I'm indestructible.

It has an off switch, you know.

a ton of butter.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to turn into a bat.

Does anyone else think we should run?

Man, I'm so upset that I lost my eyebrows.

But no one can tell because I lost my eyebrows.

You think that's bad? Without my glasses, I can't see how stupid you

no eyebrows.

We're all going to look like freaks in the school picture.

What are we going to do?

You may look like a freak, but not me.

Scary.

What's wrong with your eyes?

Nothing, thanks to my LARPing contact lenses.

What's the LARPing? Live action role playing.

We meet on Sundays at the park. I play a half human, half dragon named Greg.

Greg?

Listen, it's either this or bumping into everything.

Lizard Eyes is the only sane choice.

You should talk.

I'm guessing you're mad about the picture being a few minutes away and you

making the family mantle.

Sorry.

I'm patting your head.

Hello, Summer.

Without your eyebrows, I can't tell if you're being nice, sarcastic, or angry.

How's this?

Got it. You're angry.

You know, I like it more when you're not mad at me.

It's not funny.

It's a little funny.

Look, I'm sorry about your brows.

I know how important all hair is to you.

You look cute, Blue.

What? Why?

I don't know. I guess you reminded me of my first bike, Blue Thunder.

No.

Why did you take it back when you said you really liked me?

Well, you ran away from me and never answered me back, which is kind of an

answer.

I just didn't want to like someone who didn't like me.

Well, I get that.

But I was only avoiding you because I thought Tamika liked you. But she

and now it's too late.

Well... It's not too late.

I mean, I never really stopped, you know, liking you.

Really?

Really.

I like like you, too.

Not now, Jack!

I have the answer to all of our problems.

Ink remover from the janitor.

Jackie gave me your flat iron to straighten my hair.

Fake mustache from drama class.

Cut in half, eyebrows.

You really?

Oh, and Lawrence, I stole these glasses from the crossing guard.

Be careful out there, people.

That's amazing.

Thanks. And Zach, I didn't forget about you, buddy.

Here are two brand new nose straws.

He's got a concrete head.

I'm not a miracle worker.

We can't give up.

This picture is too important to Zach.

We're running out of time.

I've got an idea.

Hmm.

Okay, now I've got another idea.

I have found my coffin.

Where I shall rest for an eternity.

Mr. Finn, that's just a box.

I'll admit, it's a fixer -upper, but a candelabra, some cobwebs. It'll be a

monster's lair in no time.

It's time to put this to an end, Mr. Finn.

I'm going to prove to you once and for all that you're not a vampire.

What? Open the shades.

No, no, no!

What do you want to do now?

Guys, I found a power washer to blast a mask right off Zach's face.

Put this on him.

I want you to know, Zach, that even if you don't get on your family mantle,

you'll always be a respected member of our family.

Even if your head's locked in cement forever.

Okay, it's ready.

Stand back, guys, unless you want your face blasted off.

Not you, Zach.

What do you say we go take a picture?

Yeah.

I, uh... I... I guess I'm done.

I think we agree.

Yes.

Anyone who takes care of these unfortunate children deserves to be

Congratulations.

is honor enough. I don't need an award.

No, no, mine!

It's mine. I earned it.

No matter what happened, I want to thank you all for trying.

You didn't have to wrap my head in concrete, but you did, because you

Thanks.

Anytime, pal.

Anytime.