Original subtitles

Attention, students. This is Principal Mullins.

Staircases at school will henceforth be replaced with water slides.

Awesome!

I'm gonna bring my pool noodle.

Gotcha.

Florence?

Oh, that's one of those... What is that?

It's my new invention.

Oops. It's my new invention. The Voice Modulator 9000.

It can make you sound like anyone you want.

I've programmed in Principal Mullen's voice and a few others.

That's so cool.

So, no pool noodle?

Freddy's a way better skater than me. I can never shred like him.

Yes, I can. Shut up. Make me.

Yeah, well, maybe I will, Tamika.

Wait.

Hey, dudes and dudettes. I wrote a song about Halloween.

The chords are F sharp, D, A, and E.

Got it?

All right.

That's it.

L -Train, give me some spooky organ.

working on my Jack Black costume for weeks.

She doesn't really know what he looks like.

What are you going to wear, Zach?

This.

That's a terrible costume. Unless your costume is boring guy who doesn't know

how awesome Halloween is.

In which case, it's genius.

Unfortunately, Principal Mullins banned Halloween at Travis Prep. What?

You can't ban Halloween.

like rock and roll.

It belongs to the people. And there's candy.

We'd love to celebrate Halloween, but all we get is the stupid fall harvest

festival. The highlights are a speech from Principal Mullins and a contest for

best gourd.

The prize is a pizza party, which Clark's class always wins.

The worst part is he can't even eat cheese. He just wrings the grease into

mouth.

You can't just give up on Halloween.

You're kids.

It's your sacred duty to dress up and stuff your face with candy until you

Barfing up candy corn is just a sweet, sweet dream, Mr. Finn.

Do not give in to authority.

Some very wise men called the Beastie Boys once said, you've got to fight for

your right to party.

And by party, they meant trick or treat.

Would it kill you to reference Katy Perry just once?

is you gotta enjoy it while it lasts. Because you get to a certain age where

going house to house and asking for candy is creepy or inappropriate or it's

Halloween.

Put your back into it, men. Do you think they hand out pizza parties for Splashy

Squash?

Hey, Freddy. Are you ready to lose your third Harvest Festival in a row?

No one cares about the stupid Harvest Festival but you, Clark. Everyone else

likes Halloween.

Face it, hairdo.

As long as Principal Mullins is in charge, there'll be no Halloween here.

But you!

Ma 'am, you're obviously sick. You need to go home. Yes, I'm sick.

Sick of you hovering, Vice Principal Sternhagen.

I've never taken a sick day, and I'm not going to start the day before.

You know, if your mucus is green, you should seek medical attention

According to whom?

According to the what -color -is -your -snot chart.

I have never felt better in all my... Oh, fuck you!

Yep, it's green.

Oh, let him out of me!

Oh, fine, fine, I'll go home.

Mr. Sternhagen, wipe your face, you look disgusting.

As acting principal, I'll keep a firm grip on discipline while you're gone.

You're 12.

Clark. Mr. Sternhagen will be acting principal.

Yes! In your face, Clark!

Keep it together, Arnold. This is not a drill.

Oh, got him right in the gourd.

Are you sure

we should be doing this?

It seems kind of shady.

You heard what Mr. Finn said. Every kid deserves a Halloween.

I say we go for it.

Now that I hear myself say it, I'm on board.

Acting Principal Sternhagen, how may I help you?

This is Principal Mullins. Oh, hello, ma 'am. I was just busy breaking

children's spirits.

My turn.

Cancel the Harvest Festival.

Instead, tomorrow the school will celebrate Halloween.

I want spooky decorations and all the kids trick -or -treating. But I thought

you... No buts. And no more best gourd contests.

Now it's scariest Halloween contest.

Winning class gets the pizza party.

I thought you hated Halloween.

Just do as I say. Now...

Hop on one foot.

And say boing every time you hop.

Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing. Now put this thing

around and get back to work.

You think he bought it?

Wait for it.

Mr. Finn would be okay if he knew he tricked Sternhagen.

Halloween!

I think he'd be okay.

I can't believe we're actually going to have Halloween at school.

I know. It's like Christmas came early. In the form of Halloween.

Well. Well. What do you want, Clark?

Let me finish.

Well.

he's lactose intolerant and cheese gives him diarrhea.

Boom!

Shut it, Holden.

Our zombie walk is going to be epic.

Well, our class is building a super scary haunted house. Yeah, it's going to

kick your zombie walk's undead butt.

Your haunted house is going to stink worse than Cluck's bathroom after yogurt

night.

You're uninvited to yogurt night.

Jack's blood -curdling screams, Lauren's rotting corpses, and Freddy... Okay.

This thing looks sick!

But is it good enough to beat Clark's class?

It will be, because Tamika's got the most spine -tingling finish in Halloween

history. The spider drop.

True. I did it at home last year, and my grandma's still scared to hug me.

Pizza party.

Only one candy for a trick -or -treater?

Yes, but I'm famous TV and film star Jack Black.

Skadoosh.

What?

I don't know, Lawrence. It looks scary.

Nothing to worry about, Snuggle Bunny.

We just want to see how well it works on a fresh victim.

I probably shouldn't have said victim.

Okay, I'll help, but I don't want to go in alone.

Where have you been?

Getting my treats on.

Pro tip, avoid Mr. Yolen's class. He's giving out free toothbrushes. What am I

supposed to do with that?

Mr. Finn, would you be so kind as to accompany my lady on her walk through

haunted house?

Me?

Go in there?

That's a modern dude.

who's a big believer in girl power, I would never want to discourage this

strong, confident young woman from forging her own path.

Thanks, but I stay easy. I feel better if you went in with me.

Great!

Nice try.

I'm going to stick my face in there and something creepy is going to pop out and

scare me.

Well, Summer, sorry.

Nothing's going to scare you.

Sire, please.

Take her, not me.

I didn't mean it, Esme. I would never let anything happen to you.

Take her.

My bad.

I can see the lights through the cobwebs.

Oh, thank goodness it's finally over.

That spider was the size of a vehicle.

Oh, you were really scared, Mr. Finn.

What, who, me?

It was too dark in there to see which one of us was screaming.

It was him.

You guys did a great job. Hey, I'm going to go spread the word.

There is no way we can't win. She's right. There's nothing scarier than our

haunted house.

Why are you guys screaming?

We tricked Sternhagen.

Principal Mullins never really approved Halloween.

How many of you fake Principal Mullins are proving Halloween?

We were just doing what you told us to. You said we had to fight for our right

to trick -or -treat.

That does sound like something I would say.

Why am I so darn inspirational?

She's gonna kill me.

Mr. Finn?

You never told me you had such a handsome twin brother.

We may be okay.

Principal Mullins, shouldn't you be home in bed?

Oh, I took some very strong cold medicine so I could do my speech.

And usually it makes me a little loopy, but I feel just fine now, Tamika.

Aunt Freddie.

If you say so, Tamika.

Too much cold medicine.

She definitely took too much cold medicine.

I could swear I just saw a wolfman.

No, that was Glenn. He's just Canadian.

Oh, right.

That's right.

Why don't you rest up a while, Principal M?

Listen, guys. Just now, we got lucky. But when Principal Mullins' cold

wears off, We're all going to be busted.

But we're this close to beating Clark.

And winning the pizza party. And having a real Halloween.

And beating Clark.

I'm competitive.

Look, we can race to take all the decorations down and pretend like this

happened. Or we can really go for it and keep Mullins busy enough to have the

greatest Halloween of all time.

What do you guys say?

Yeah! How do we do that, Mr. Fitz? No idea.

I'm a big picture guy.

Summer?

Principal Mullins wants to give a speech.

So? Let her.

Your earth logic does not compute.

Leap, Lord.

We fake an assembly.

Mullins can give her speech in the auditorium. Yeah, well, everybody else

secretly celebrating Halloween.

If the whole school is celebrating Halloween, then who's she giving a

You think this will really fool her?

It's what I play when I work out.

Oh, I can't see a thing. This is the perfect place.

I'm okay.

He's not.

Okay, Tamika, all set. Just get Principal Mullen to the stage and get

the haunted house as fast as you can. We can't win the contest without you.

Got it.

Over and out!

just fix you up a little bit. Here you go.

There's our pretty principal.

Now let's just put this special cold and flu bag over your head.

This just feels like a regular shopping bag. Oh, no, it's prescription.

That makes sense.

young lady. I need a helper to wave the corn husks. I really can't. Oh, that's

fine. I'll just get someone out of the audience.

No!

Husk me, woman!

Students of William B. Travis Prep, please welcome your principal, Rosalie

Mullin!

Solemn as the corn husks wave

Call a top -notch Halloween spectacle.

So we're winning the pizza party?

Well, it wouldn't be fair to say until I judge the last class.

But yes.

He's planning to give Clark the pizza party. We've got to get Tamika back.

There's no time.

We may as well face it. It's over.

Not yet. I have a plan.

Will someone please walk in front of me?

I'll make sure Principal Mullins gets to her car. Just run. You might still get

there in time.

All right, I just saw perfection, so you're going to have to dabble me.

Right this way.

If you dare.

Yikes, bats on strings.

My house has real bats, but nice try.

You should get that cackle checked by a doctor.

Bye, Earthling.

I see they don't use breath mints on Planet Boring.

Oh, brooding teen vampire.

My poodles got scarier fangs.

Oh, fantastic.

An empty space where nothing happens.

Amateur hour.

pizza party to the class that scared me the most, and since I just swirled my

tunic, Mr. Finn's class wins.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Well, also, we worked really hard at being zombies. Holden even bit a guy.

We deserve that pizza, not these losers.

Losers? Eat my web!

What in the world is going on here? Principal Mullins,

but I saw you drive away.

Well, I...

cold and flew back. I can't drive home without that.

The kids just wanted to celebrate Halloween. You are on very thin ice, Mr.

You must be mistaken, because I'm famous actor Jack

Black.

What? That's an odd way to greet the president of the school board.

Mr. Kincaid, what an honor.

Yes, it is.

I'm calling because I heard there was a Halloween celebration at your school.

Yeah, I was just trying to get to the bottom of... And I wanted to commend the

person who thought of it. I hear it was a huge success.

A huge success.

Oh, that would be me. All my idea.

Now, I want next year's Halloween event to be even better.

Whatever you say, Mr. Kincaid.

Or can I call you Charles?

You can't.

It rocks.

Sweet lord.

I never thought there'd be anything better than Halloween candy, but

pizza, I love you.