Original subtitles

- Three sodas, and one is primed to explode.

Lawrence, I have to admit,

soda roulette is pure genius.

- Thanks.

- This will be the coolest viral video ever!

- Cooler than "Monkey Smelling Butt"?

- Yes.

- You flatter me, sir.

- So I'll start filming, and you can start popping tops.

- Whoa, um, I was kind of thinking I'd film and you'd pop.

- What made you think that?

- Well, so far, I've starred in "Spaghetti Head,"

"Pie Face," and "Soccer Ball Surprise."

- For some reason, it's funnier when bad things happen to you.

You have a gift.

- Really?

Wow! Thanks!

- Let's do it.

And...

Action.

- I guess this'll be fun.

I mean, how much soda can shoot out of one can?

Ahh.

The answer-- a truly surprising amount.

- That was amazing!

- Hey, don't ask me how,

but I got us an audition for our first gig

with a very important music bigwig.

So dry off and meet me in class.

- Aren't you at all curious why I'm covered in soda?

- No. I know soda roulette when I see it.

[playing rock music]

? ?

[all cheering]

Nailed it!

But it doesn't matter what I think.

Our fate rests in the musical tastes of Mr. Big.

What do you think?

- [slurping]

Meh.

- We just melted your face.

- No, you didn't. My face is fine.

- I'm telling you, Alison,

this band is going to rock your birthday party.

- We're playing a seven-year-old's birthday party?

I thought we weren't supposed to hit rock bottom

until our mid-20s.

- At least we're headlining.

- Actually, I'm thinking of getting

a magic princess instead.

- I spoke too soon.

- Princess Oliviana-- who's that?

- Are you serious?

She's the princess from the movie "Everyone's A Princess."

- She sings "Tell Me Something True."

You know...

? Tell me something new, tell me something true ?

? Can I be the princess of your dreams? ?

all: ? Tell me something new, are we coming true? ?

? Or is this another... ?

- Stop that terrible song!

[sighs]

Alison, what do you say?

Can we play your party?

- Okay, but only because you agreed to be paid in cake.

- Yes!

We got a gig! We got a gig!

Oh, sweet mother of--

I mean, thank you.

- Uh-huh.

Now, what's your band's name, so I can put it on the invitations?

- Uh...

- Uh, we don't have a name yet.

- Well, you better come up with one by next week,

or I'm going with The Princess Party Band.

Now, juice box me for the road.

- Juice box me.

[thud]

- Amateurs.

- ? Stop tellin' me to read between the lines ?

? It all adds up to one thing ?

- Five, four, three, two, one ?

- ? If you think you're gonna lose your cool ?

? Well, sometimes you gotta break the rules ?

? Hey, show me what you know, give it up to rock 'n' roll ?

? 'Cause we ain't gonna stop ?

? If you're feeling like you're gettin' schooled ?

? There's an answer right in front of you ?

? Hey, show me what you know, give it up to rock 'n' roll ?

? 'Cause we ain't gonna stop ?

- ? Hey! ? - ? Are you ready to rock? ?

- Hey, Zack, here's my share of our video game subscription.

- Oh, thanks. The last time I didn't pay my dad back,

he repo'd my bike.

- Since it's my turn to pick next,

I want to get the new Dr. Timewarp game--

"Wormhole of Justice."

It's my destiny.

- Oh, sorry, no can do, "broseph."

I already ordered "Legions of Horror" last night.

- That's brutal.

I've been waiting my whole life for this game.

- That's why I thought you should hear it from a friend.

Good talk.

- Why do you let Zack boss you around like that?

- Nobody bosses me around.

- Tie my shoe. - Double-knotted or single?

- [sighs] Stop.

Just because I say something doesn't mean you have to do it.

Same goes for Zack.

- He's my best friend.

- Your friendship seems a little one-sided.

You're better than that, Lawrence.

- I am? - In theory.

- Tomika, I know what you're getting at.

You want to be my best friend too.

- That's not my-- - Sorry.

Call me old-fashioned,

but I can only have one best friend.

- Lawrence, I think you're missing--

- Shh.

Shh.

Shh!

- Today's lesson is on the importance of our first gig.

Our group needs to be road tested

for Battle of the Bands.

The Beatles had Hamburg.

We have Alison's princess party--

totally the same thing.

- What about our band name? - Excellent question, Summer.

Finding the right band name

is the second most difficult task in rock.

The first is how to not look stupid doing this.

[babbling]

- Keep working on it.

- Luckily for you kids,

I've already come up with the perfect name...

Paradoxx!

Oxx, oxx, oxx.

Crowd noise.

[imitates crowd cheering]

I sense some hesitation.

- Paradoxx?

- Does anybody have any better names?

All right, fine. Let's hear some band names

that are probably not as good as Paradoxx.

- Smog Check. - [imitates buzzer sounding]

- T.H.B.-- Totally Harvard Bound.

- Totally no.

Tomika? - Don't care.

- Hmm. - Great name.

- No, I mean I don't care.

You can't force a name. When it's right, it'll happen.

- Great point.

- I like the name Timewarp.

- Shocker.

- I'm torn between two awesome names--

Metal Death Fire Skulls or Skulls of Fire Death Metal.

It's a tough one.

- It's pretty clear to me

none of those are as good as Paradoxx.

So we'll just go with that.

- No! Totally Harvard Bound.

- Smog Check! - Timewarp!

- Skull Fire-- whatever mine was!

[indistinct arguing]

- Okay.

Okay!

This is natural.

Bands need to disagree

and get their frustrations out early on,

or they'll just break up.

Pete Townshend once hit Roger Daltrey with his guitar,

and The Who are still together.

- Hmm, gotcha, Mr. Finn.

Who do I get to hit with my guitar?

- Nobody.

We'll vote on this tomorrow.

Settle this like adults--

rationally and calmly.

- Mm, right.

And after that I get to start bashing people?

- ? Tell me something new, tell me something true ?

? Can I be the princess of your dreams? ?

- [clears throat]

Are you singing a princess song?

- No. How much did you hear?

- Enough to make this weird.

Look, I told you

to get these boxes of Paradoxx T-shirts

out of the garage over a year ago.

How many failed bands is it now?

- Dad, there's no such thing as failure.

That's what you always used to tell me

when I struck out in little league.

- I was lying to you. You were eight.

Just get the boxes out of the garage.

And, son, if you're gonna sing a princess song in my house,

you do it in the shower like a man.

? Can I be the princess of your dreams? ?

Dang it! You got me singing it.

Now I have to bathe.

- Zack, "Gamer Magazine" gave "Wormhole of Justice"

five thumb blisters up.

I can't wait!

And since it's my turn--

- Oh, forgot to tell you--

I ordered the next six "Legions of Horror."

It should only take two or three months

to get to your game.

That's cool, right?

- Yeah, okay.

Excuse me.

[yelling]

- No problem there.

- Shall we go to lunch?

- Vote for Totally Harvard Bound.

It's the best band name.

Thanks.

- Huh. Wow. Great idea.

You stayed up all night baking cupcakes.

- Oh, no, I make a batch every week and keep it in my locker,

you know, just in case.

- She's got cupcakes. We're doomed.

- Where are you going? - To get a cupcake.

I'm doomed, not dieting.

- Wait, dude. This is serious.

The vote's in an hour.

If we don't team up against Summer,

we're going to be stuck

with Totally Harvard Bound forever.

- Count me in.

- If we want people to vote for us,

we've got to give them something better than cupcakes.

- How about this irresistible smile?

- We're trying to recruit kids, not your mother.

- I'll get ice cream.

- Check it out.

I sweet-talked the lunch lady

into giving me extra tater tots.

- Perfect.

Free tater tots if you vote for Smog Check!

- Dude, do you know how hard I had to flirt

with Sylvia to get these?

I have to play bingo with her on Friday.

- "Broseph," relax. It's for Smog Check.

- But they're mine!

How do you know I don't want to use these

to get people to vote for Timewarp?

- That's hilarious, bro.

Still pushing Timewarp.

- Free tater tots for Timewarpers.

- Check out the tub.

Lunch lady Sylvia loves this smile...

and I have to play bridge with her on Thursday.

- Yes!

Free ice cream if you vote for Smog Check!

- Tots for Timewarp?

Ah!

Summer, what can I do to get you to vote

for Timewarp instead?

- [scoffs] Sorry, Lawrence,

but if a name doesn't speak to me on a creative level,

I can't get behind it.

- What if I change the name to Summer and the Timewarps?

- I'm in. - Yes!

Vote for Summer and the Timewarps!

- All right, I trust you talked it out

and agreed we're called Paradoxx now.

I suggest you buy your T-shirts quickly.

I only have 1,000 left.

- We're not calling ourselves Paradoxx.

We're going with Smog Check.

- No, we're going with Summer and the Timewarps.

- That wasn't even one of the choices.

- Alliances needed to be made, Mr. Finn.

- Summer and the Timewarps?

Smog Check is so much more hard core.

It's about power and cool

and sensible car maintenance.

- Summer and the Timewarps is about bending time and space.

- Why can't you just go along with me, Lawrence?

I thought we were friends.

- Friends don't mess with another man's taters.

- Fine. Then maybe we're not friends.

I renounce my friendship to you.

- I renounce my friendship to you!

And my renouncement begins retroactively

to your renouncement.

- It's tater tots!

- Guys, calm down.

- You told us to get out our frustrations, Mr. Finn.

- Everybody, put your frustrations back in.

- Whoever wants to be in Smog Check

come to the front of the class.

- Calling all Timewarps. Oh!

- Guys, our first real gig is in two days.

We need to decide on a name,

or we're gonna be called The Princess Party Band.

- We have our name, Mr. Finn. We're Summer and the Timewarps.

If they don't like it, they don't have to be in our band.

- We wouldn't be in your band if you paid us.

- Fine, two bands! - Fine, two bands!

all: [chanting] Two bands, two bands!

- One band, one band!

I can't have seven failed bands!

[chanting continues]

- ? Tell me som nhingew, tell me something true ?

- Catchy song, isn't it?

- Alison, uh...

Shouldn't you be in the lower school building right now?

- I've got finger painting in ten minutes,

so let's get down to business.

I hear your band broke up.

- What? Where'd you hear that?

- You don't get the center cubbyhole

without knowing a few things, Mr. Finn.

- Alison, please, don't worry.

I've got it all under control.

Come tomorrow, everything will be fine.

- I wasn't finished.

It better be, or I'm hiring Princess Oliviana,

which means no cake for you.

- Buck up, man. She's seven years old.

[playing guitar riff]

- And then you do a solo.

? ?

And I do a solo.

? ?

- And then we turn on the smog machine.

And it does a solo.

- Hey, guys, I want to ask you something.

Can you turn that off for a sec?

- Uh, I guess that wasn't the off button.

- Look, Alison wants Smog Check to play her party--

just you guys.

- I don't know, Mr. Finn.

Kids' parties aren't really Smog Check's style.

- Then again, it is a birthday,

and we already rented the machine.

- I'm in! - Cool!

We'll do it, Mr. Finn.

Mr. Finn?

Freddy, he must've left the room.

Freddy?

Freddy!

- Summer and the Timewarps, how's practice going?

- Fantastic, Mr. Finn.

I made the glitter costumes,

and Tomika worked out a killer dance.

- Cool. What about, you know, the music?

- Oh, Lawrence is making...

What did you call it, Lawrence?

- Oh, it's the ultimate

automated keyboard/auto-tune/ drum machine trifecta.

- You know, nerd music.

- ? Time warp, time warp ?

? You have just been time warped ?

? Time warp, time warp, time warp ?

- It's all preprogrammed so we don't even have to play--

just dance.

- Cool, show me your moves.

- Oh, wait!

Now you've done it.

- Once he starts, he doesn't stop.

- I don't.

- Listen, guys,

Alison only wants one band to play her party,

and I told her you guys were by far the better band.

Think you could still rock it for me?

- You bet. Our first gig.

- That's great, isn't it, Lawrence?

- ? Time warp, time warp ?

Uh, I'm just gonna take that as a yes.

- Here we are, living the rock 'n' roll life,

playing for tough crowds in dingy dives.

Ooh, face-painting table.

I'm gonna be a bunny rabbit.

- Hey. What are you guys doing here?

- We're here to rock the party.

What's your excuse? Did you come to watch?

- No, Freddy and I are playing this gig.

Freddy?

- Sorry, those face painters are really aggressive.

- Mr. Finn, what's going on?

- Nothing weird.

Just gathering dinner--

meatballs.

Ow!

Toothpicks.

- No, I mean, why are we both here?

- Yeah, you said we were playing.

Are you a mouse?

- I'm a cat.

[purrs, meows]

Look, I lied to you guys to get us back together.

We got to start acting like professionals

and not let Alison know, because if she finds out,

we are--

Hey, Alison.

- Why is half your band dressed in space suits?

- We're Summer and the Timewarps.

- And we're Smog Check.

- Two bands? I want one band!

You made me promises.

One awesome band and no mess-ups.

- Is there a problem here, Alison?

- No, no problem, Princess Oliviana.

I hired the princess as backup.

She's taking your spot now.

- Oh, you must be the band I heard about.

Oh, it's ever so nice to meet you.

Alison, dear, your little guests are asking for you.

Perhaps you should go grace them with your presence.

[giggles]

All right, here's the deal, pal.

This is my show.

You, the doofuses and the glitter triplets

think you can waltz on in here and steal my thunder?

This is a princess party.

I'm a princess.

- Not a real princess.

I mean, that's not even a real wand.

- Oh, no?

- Ow! What is that, metal?

- Now, unless you want to wear my tiara the hard way,

I suggest you all pack up your little field trip

and hit the road.

You're out of your league, mouse face.

[giggles]

- I am a cat.

- Well, she's delightful.

- This is all your fault, Lawrence.

If you would've just voted for Smog Check,

this would've never happened.

- My fault?

This ends now.

Eat my glitter! - Back off!

I got a confetti cannon, and I'm not afraid to use it!

- Guys, stop. You're better than this.

That's it!

I've been wanded, "confettitied," and glittered.

This is the worst princess party I've ever been to.

- I thought we were "brosephs."

- I never agreed we'd call each other "brosephs."

I hate "brosephs."

You just expect me to do whatever you want.

I wanted to get "Wormhole of Justice."

- Wait. This is about a video game?

- No, it's about you not caring about what I want...

which in this case is a video game.

So, yes!

- Guys, bands don't break up because of video games.

They break up because of fame or money

or really annoying princesses.

- ? Tell me something new, tell me something true ?

? Can I be the princess of your dreams? ?

- Okay, we may not agree on a band name,

or whether or not we can call each other "broseph,"

but we can agree we're not gonna let

some psycho, snotty, fake princess

steal our first gig, right?

- ? Tell me something new, tell me something true ?

? Can I be the princess of your dream? ?

? ?

- Man, I hate that princess.

- Me too. - See?

You guys aren't as far apart as you think you are.

- Mr. Finn's right.

Lawrence, you're my best friend.

I should've paid more attention to what you wanted.

I'm sorry.

- What I want is to get this band back together.

What do you say, "broseph"?

- Let's show this princess how to rock.

all: Yeah!

? ?

- ? I've heard it all ?

- What are we gonna play?

- The only song that'll get this crowd back.

"Tell Me Something True"...

the rock version.

- Do you even know the words, Mr. Finn?

- Maybe.

Freddy, give me a beat!

both: ? Tell me something new, tell me something true ?

? Can I be the princess of your dreams? ?

? Tell me something new, are we coming true ?

? Or is this another make-believe? ?

- ? All I ever need ?

? Is for you to look at me ?

? The princess of your dreams ?

? Oh oh ?

? The princess of your dreams ?

? Oh oh ?

- Hello, Alison's birthday party!

We're a band that met at school, and we like to rock.

- We're School of Rock!

? ?

- That's the perfect name, Lawrence.

- Yeah!

School of Rock, I love it!

- I told you we'd get it.

? All I ever need ?

? Is for you to look at me ?

? The princess of your dreams ?

- Yeah! Yeah!

Stage dive!

I think I landed on her wand.

? ?

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