Original subtitles

- I've updated our operating systems, set up a firewall,

and backed up the systems to the cloud.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And will I still be able to upload videos of my cat?

- Yep, straight from your phone.

- That is why I made you the president of the AV Club.

It's like having my own personal I.T. guy.

Only I get to pay you in extra bathroom passes.

- Those things are like gold.

- You know, just between us two AV Club buddies,

how's it going with the new substitute?

- Um...

[rock music]

Mr. Finn totally rocks.

- Wow. Never heard a student say that a teacher rocks.

- I didn't mean rocks like we play rock and roll.

He's totally a real teacher, not some weird fake.

You should visit sometime and see him in action.

Oh boy, look at me gabbing away like we're getting manicures.

- Well, I appreciate enthusiasm,

and I'm gonna take you up on that offer.

I'm gonna go drop in on him right now.

- [groans]

[lilting rock music]

♪ ♪

[rock music]

- Dude, never mess with another man's solo.

- Principal Mullins is on her way.

- I forgive you. Hide everything.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- She's here.

I'm supposed to be in her office.

- Uh...

- [grunts]

- Ah, Principal Mullins.

What a wonderful surprise.

We were just stretching.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause I've always said,

a stretchy body is the key to a stretchy mind.

- Stretching is my favorite subject.

- Come on, Principal Mullins.

Let's get loose.

- Oh, okay. Well, I suppose I could.

- Crack.

Oh, oh, I heard something snap.

That's not good. - Oh, no. No, I'm fine.

- No, no, no, you're in shock.

Mm-hmm. Walk it off. - No. Oh, I--

Into the hallway, then to your office.

- I really--no, I-- - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, maybe ice. - Oh.

Maybe ice.

- [sighs]

- ♪ Stop tellin' me to read between the lines ♪

♪ It all adds up to one thing ♪

- Five, four, three, two, one.

- ♪ If you think you're gonna lose your cool ♪

♪ Well, sometimes you gotta break the rules ♪

♪ Hey, show me what you know, give it up to rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ 'Cause we ain't gonna stop ♪

♪ ♪

♪ If you're feeling like you're gettin' schooled ♪

♪ There's a answer right in front of you ♪

♪ Hey, show me what you know, give it up to rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ 'Cause we ain't gonna stop ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪ - ♪ Are you ready to rock? ♪

[rock music]

- That was a close call.

- Guys, we gotta label the windows.

Has a bush.

Does not have a bush.

- We need a better system for hiding our instruments,

or we can say good-bye to rocking out.

- That is utter and total nonsense.

It's a spurious argument

based on faulty logic. - It is?

- Nah, I'm just practicing for my debate Wednesday.

I actually thought you made a good point.

- How can you think about debate?

My guitar is on life support.

- I have to.

I care about the band,

but being debate captain is the cornerstone

of my college resume.

That and letters of recommendation

from my 15 best teachers.

- Did you get mine?

- Yes, but I really wish you didn't write it on a napkin.

- What if we did something like this?

[upbeat music]

There's an electric eye outside the door

that sets off a warning bell.

There's also a pulley system

and reinforced soundproofing.

- What does that rainbow do?

- It brings joy.

What else do rainbows do?

- Let's do it. - Yeah.

- Yes. [Echosmith's "Come Together"]

♪ We're gonna come together now ♪

♪ We are gonna run together ♪

♪ We're gonna turn it upside down ♪

♪ 'Cause with the smoke in the mirror ♪

♪ I can see your face ♪

♪ So let's run to the fire escape ♪

♪ Come together ♪

- Hey, dude. What you working on?

- Careful, the door's spring-loaded.

- [scoffs] That's never gonna work.

Yeah...

it works.

I'm gonna finish putting up the soundproofing.

You guys let me know if you hear anything.

- Cool. - Okay.

- Here we go.

[screaming]

- I'm great at reading lips. - Mm-hmm.

He's saying...

"Yay! I'm happy."

[words silenced]

[yelps]

[rock music]

Okay, I think we're done.

Let's test it out. - Perfect.

I'll be Principal Mullins.

Why, Mr. Finn, you're so handsome.

Have you been working out?

- This is getting weird. Can we just get to the test?

- You got it, Zack.

[bell rings]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

This looks like a normal classroom.

Good work, guys. all: Yeah!

Okay, I got to go run to the teachers' lounge

and replace the hoagie I took from Mr. Webber's lunch.

You guys jam for a bit.

When I get back, we'll hit the science books.

[mellow rock music]

[bell rings]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Just me. Can you guys tell I took a bite out of this?

I'll give it a shot.

[mellow rock music]

[bell rings]

[rock music]

- Guys...

Guys.

- Hey, guys, I wanted to apologize

about opening the door earlier.

- Apology not accepted. Let me out.

- I got you, buddy.

[grunts]

I hate that door.

- We need more notice when Principal Mullins is coming.

- What if we had a camera in the hallway?

- Great idea.

Lawrence, you're the tech wizard.

You could do it. all: Yeah. Come on.

- No way. I'm not much of a risk taker.

It took two lifeguards and my mom

to push me down the water slide at Splash Castle.

You can't tell me people don't pee in those things,

because I did.

- Dude, I went right after you.

- Guys, being a rocker is all about taking risks.

If Elvis didn't shake his hips on the Ed Sullivan Show,

there would be no rock and roll.

- Yeah. - Come on, Lawrence, you got it.

- Okay, Fine. I'll do it for the band.

Just stop that hip-shaky thing.

[rock music]

- I've never seen you so stressed out

about a debate before.

- I just heard they switched to speed debate.

- What's speed debate?

- Hey, Summer, you ready to lose at speed debate?

I'm gonna crush you and be captain of the team.

- That's speed debate.

- Well, at least I'll be bored for way less time.

- And, Summer, you'll lose quicker.

- I'm gonna say this slowly, Clark, so you'll understand me.

I am so going to beat you.

- In your dreams.

- No, in your dreams. Ha.

I am so going to lose.

[rock music]

- Are you finished yet? - Stop it.

I don't work well under pressure,

or when I'm taking risks,

or when I'm more than two feet above the ground.

This is a perfect storm.

- How do you think I feel? I'm under the perfect storm.

- What's going on, boys?

- Oh, Principal Mullins.

I was just, um--

- We're installing a camera for the AV Club.

Are those new glasses? Very flattering.

- I don't remember approving this.

- It's in conjunction with the science club.

We're studying hallway traffic flow.

- Yet somehow we didn't see you.

- I'd love to have cameras like this all over,

so I could keep track of everything from my office.

- I could put a camera in every classroom and monitors

in your office.

- That sounds way too hard, Lawrence.

- Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's impossible and not a good idea.

- It's easy.

- Fantastic. Well, you know, start with your classroom

'cause I am dying to see one of Mr. Finn's magical lectures.

- Dude.

- I was nervous, and I'm realizing now

that putting a camera in a classroom

with a fake teacher might not be the best idea.

[rock music]

- Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Ooh, Mr. Finn.

- And I'm teaching, teaching, teaching.

You all furiously take notes.

I say something that blows your minds,

and you all erupt in applause.

Lawrence, if I wasn't on camera right now,

I'd be on my knees begging you

to stop volunteering extra stuff

every time you get nervous.

- I can't help it.

I'm a blurter.

- Yes, Tomika.

- With that camera in here,

we're never going to get to practice,

and there's even more of a chance Mr. Finn will get fired.

- Correct.

Oh, hey, Principal Mullins.

This day just gets better and better.

- Well, don't mind me. I just saw your lecture

on Lawrence's wonderful camera,

and I had to hear for myself.

- Oh. Well, we were just discussing historical stuff,

things that happened in history,

and the dates when they happened, historically.

- Well, pretend I'm not here.

I would watch from my office if the camera had sound.

- They do. You just have to flip one switch.

- Why?

- So, Vikings,

they had beards and...

mustaches and...

hats with horns.

They fought in the battle of-- [coughs and mutters]

Let me point it out to you over here on this map of--

[coughs]

[bell rings]

- Oh, thank God--

for the opportunity to bestow wisdom

in this great school with cameras everywhere

that I'm totally cool with.

[rock music]

- I can't do this.

They expect me to stand in front of a classroom

and just know things and make sense for hours?

What kind of a job is that?

- Teaching.

- Well, it's insane.

Might as well say good-bye to Battle of the Bands.

I'll be fired by the end of the day.

- There's got to be a way to fix this.

- Well...

Never mind.

- You have an idea.

- No, I don't. Ideas are risky.

- Not as risky as not telling us.

- That sounds like a threat.

- Does it?

- Okay, fine. It's a tape loop.

We film Mr. Finn teaching us a brilliant class

and get the footage to play on Principal Mullins' monitor

over and over.

- Oh, so every time she looks, she sees us working.

- Meanwhile, we're rocking out.

- We'll shoot it after school.

Awesome idea, Lawrence.

- I do not feel good about it.

[rock music]

- 13.8 billion years ago,

all space was contained in a single point

from which the universe has been expanding ever since.

The moment the universe began expanding,

we call the big bag.

- Big Bang.

- Cut.

- And scientists call that

the big butt theory.

- Cut.

- Scientists call this...

- [mouthing] - The Big Bang theory.

[all whispering] Yes.

- I got it right.

- Yeah, not bad for take 73. - Right?

- Now let's get this footage into Principal Mullins' server.

- Wait...can I do one more with a British accent?

all: No.

[rock music]

- Summer, what's up?

- Stupid speed debate.

- Oh, uh, I was just trying to be polite.

All right, I guess we're doing this now.

What's bothering you?

- I have to win the debate tomorrow,

or Clark will become captain,

and I will never hear the end of it.

But I can't talk fast, I mean, at all.

I've tried everything I could think of and nothing's wor--

Mr. Finn.

- Sorry.

I figured I could get my coffee

and you'd still be going when I got back.

- Forget it.

- Don't worry.

I actually have an awesome idea

that will make you the queen of speed debate.

If you want to flow, you just have to feel the beat.

Check out how fast these guys rap.

[instrumental rap music] - [chuckles]

Yeah. Now try some of your debating.

- ♪ America is a melting pot ♪

♪ 98% of Americans are either immigrants or the descendents ♪

♪ Yeah so why don't we allow foreign-born citizens ♪

♪ To serve as the President ♪ ♪ Uh, uh ♪

- Word up - ♪ Why, indeed, yo ♪

♪ Why would we exclude potentially great candidates ♪

♪ For the most important job there is? Yeah boy ♪

♪ Go President ♪ ♪ Go President ♪

- The explicit formula for the Fibonacci sequence.

- Fibonacci?

Guy is good.

- This is my favorite equation of all time.

- ♪ Samantha Power Henry Kissinger ♪

♪ And Madeleine Albright ♪

♪ Arnold Schwarzenegger Alexander Hamilton ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ None of them born in the states ♪

♪ None could be President and that's an undeniable shame ♪

- Yeah. [all cheering]

Nice.

- You got this, Summer.

- Yeah, just imagine that groove

in your head at your debate, and you're golden.

- Thank you, Mr. Finn.

I really learned a lot from you.

Wow, I never thought I'd say that.

- Yeah, that does feel weird.

- Lawrence, you sure Principal Mullins

can't see or hear us?

- Absolutely. This is what she sees in her office.

- You already know that the Fibonacci sequence--

[grunting]

- If we fight like space monsters,

we'll die like space monsters.

- What was that?

- Looked like a scene from Dr. Timewarp to me.

- Yeah, but you were Dr. Timewarp.

- Well, whoever it was,

I think we can all agree. He nailed it.

- Did Principal Mullins see that?

- If she was in her office, she did.

- [groans indistinctly] Lawrence.

- Something must have gone wrong.

Maybe someone's private video footage

got mixed into the tape loop.

But since we don't know who that Dr. Timewarp was,

it will remain a mystery.

- It was you.

- That's one theory.

[rock music]

- Oh. Where'd you just come from?

- What? I was using the bath--the facilities.

- That's great news.

She didn't see it. - Oh, we're good.

- Do you people understand the concept of a tape loop?

She'll see it when it comes on again in a couple hours.

Mr. Finn'll get fired, the band will be over,

and I'll be kicked out of the AV Club.

This is why I don't take risks.

- Can't you just fix it on your laptop?

- You'd have to do that

from the server in Principal Mullins' office.

- We can't depend on her going to the bathroom again.

- I've got it. She's the debate coach, so in an hour,

she'll be in the quad, naming me the new captain

of the debate team.

- Yeah.

- That's when we'll move.

Ready? Go.

- Wait, did you say an hour?

- Yeah.

Let's do it.

- In an hour.

- Right.

[rock music]

- Guys, I'm really uncomfortable being here.

This is a huge risk,

and every risk I've taken lately has backfired.

- Relax. All you have to do is be lookout.

- Chill, dude. We got this.

- If we fight like space monsters,

we'll die like space monsters.

Die like space monsters. - Maybe we don't got this.

- You made it worse.

You're never going to be done

before Principal Mullins gets back from debate.

- Hang on. I'm gonna go buy us some more time.

- Man, you're really taking it to that teddy bear, buddy.

[grunting]

- The American presidency is the most important job

in our country, and therefore, who can be President

must be restricted to natural-born citizens.

Americans are capable of-- - Hey, have you gone yet?

- No, I'm the last one, but I'm up next.

By the time I'm done, Clark's going to be speed crying.

- Great, good luck.

One little thing, we need more time to fix the loop,

so it'd be great if you could talk really slowly.

- It's speed debate. - I'm sorry.

I know how important this is to you,

but the band needs this.

- But the debate team is so important to me,

and I've worked so hard. On the other hand,

I love the band, and it affects more people

than just me. - What are you doing?

- I'm speed debating myself.

- How is that going for you? - I don't know.

Both of me are making excellent points.

- There is no finer product

than the one that was made in America,

and that's where I want our presidents to be made,

right here in the good old US of A.

[applause]

- Very good, Clark.

Not only did you speak quickly,

but there was very little spittle.

Bravo.

Uh, Summer, you're next.

- America...

[sighs]

is...

a...

melting...

pot.

- All right, I'm out of ideas.

I'm just gonna have to fix this like my dad fixes the TV,

bang the snot out of it and yell, "Come on, work."

- No.

[sighs] All you have to do

is plug this into this,

hit this button, sync the feed,

and hit Control+Enter.

A baby could do it.

- Well, a baby can't make toast,

but I can.

But you did it.

- Huh. I did, didn't I?

Mm? - Hmm.

- As...

the world's...

increasingly--

- A part of me feels bad for Summer,

but a much larger part of me feels great for me.

- I was just punching the part of you that was being a jerk.

- Becomes...

an international...

community.

♪ There's no reason our leaders shouldn't be international ♪

♪ Samantha Power Henry Kissinger ♪

♪ And Madeleine Albright Arnold Schwarzenegger ♪

♪ Alexander Hamilton That's right ♪

♪ Oh, did I mention Harry Styles from One Direction ♪

♪ None could be President if we had an election ♪

♪ and that's an undeniable shame ♪

♪ Boom ♪

[applause]

- I think we've found our new captain.

- Yes.

- That was a close call.

I think we need a permanent solution to those cameras.

- Leave it to me.

I got this.

[electronic music] [all giggling]

- Hello, kids.

♪ ♪

Oh, hello, girls.

♪ ♪

[gasps]

Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh-- Oh, back off.

- All of the cameras need to come down immediately.

- You got it, Principal Mullins.

- Thank you.

Oh, and um...

do you know of any way to get a video

off of the Internet?

I'll let you drive the security golf cart.

- I wish I could, but that's impossible.

- That is unfortunate.

Okay.

- You posted that video of Principal Mullins, didn't you?

- Maybe.

I also maybe hid a camera

inside the smoke detector,

so we'll see her coming even after

I take the other cameras down.

- Dude, that's pretty risky.

- That's rock and roll.

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