Original subtitles

Now for our first caller.

You're on the air, sir.

I want to complain about that new factory they put up over on Central

Now, that's an ugly building, and an eyesore, and among other things, it's

to create parking problems and traffic jams, and for crying out loud, haven't

got enough small already?

Oh, did you hear that?

Oh, yeah, yeah, and now for some music.

Oh, Lamont, don't you care about what's happening in your community?

Of course I care what's happening in the community. More specifically,

the block.

Narrowing it down, this house.

Pinpointing it, this sofa.

I'm hitting it on the head, this cushion.

Why, that factory is right here in this neighborhood.

As a matter of fact, it's right down the street on this very block.

Yeah, I know all about that factory, Denise, and that's terrific and

But see, like, there's a time and a place for everything.

And this is the time and the place. Oh, my.

You're a shallow, uninvolved person.

I'm not. Look, if I wanted to, I could call that station and tell them a few

things if I wanted to.

Well, so?

Go right ahead. Go on. Tell them right now.

Oh, there's no way in the world you're going to get me to call up that radio

station and talk to them people and make a fool out of myself.

There's no way you're going to get me to do that.

I would only give myself totally to a man that gets involved, really involved.

What's the number of that station?

555 -3211.

You want involvement?

I'll give you involvement.

That's involvement.

Uh,

hello, is this the Talkback Show?

Well, this is Evolve Sanford calling.

Am I on there?

Good. Well, I just want to say, I want to make a comment about that guy that

called about the factory.

That factory might be an ugly building and an eyesore and everything, but it

takes millions of people off unemployment and welfare and gives them

jobs.

In fact, I would do all

that I could to encourage... More trade in the area.

To make jobs available for people that want to work and give them steady

employment and pride and dignity so they can hold their heads up high.

It's one thing to have trouble breathing and it's another thing to have trouble

eating. That's all I want to say. Thank you very much.

Hey, Pop, what are you doing here? I thought you were great. You went to the

drive -in movie.

We did, son, but see, after the movie, they were going to raffle off the

So? So a lady left early and backed over him.

Yeah. It was terrible. They even took him to the vet, but it was too late.

The poor thing was D .O .A.

A drumstick on a rifle.

Hey, it's getting pretty late, you know. You haven't introduced us to your lady

friend.

Denise, this is my father, Fred Stafford, and his friend, Grady. How do

Hi. Hello, darling.

Yeah, it is getting late, though. Fred, I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh, and it's nice meeting you, Dennis.

Denise.

Yeah, Denise.

Denise Domenice.

Uh, Denise, can I get you something?

Oh, no, thank you. Well, would you excuse us for a minute? Sure.

Can I see you in the kitchen, Father?

I just want to have a little involvement with my dad.

Hey, man, what's the matter with you?

This is John. I know everything that's going on here, and that's your business.

Oh, I was hoping you'd understand. I mean, if you want to stay down here with

that girl, that's your business. Thank you. I mean, if you want to be hugging

and kissing her all night, that's your business. I appreciate it. But when she

smacks your face and the police come here and arrest me for harboring a sex

maniac, then that's my business.

So you get her the hell out of here.

Knock off the whistling. It's bothering me.

Will you stop it?

I can't, son. It's a theme song from the movie I saw last night. See, it was a

science fiction western. It was called Blazing Werewolves.

See, it's all about this werewolf that hid his six -shooter up under a wide sea

collar.

Listen, I only got a second.

Yeah, your time is up.

Would you dig yourself out?

Listen, as Confucius once said, if you don't want to order knuckles in your

face, then get your poking noodles out of my plate.

Hey, man, ignore him.

Ignore who?

Listen,

man, I gotta tell you, I looked into you last night, and it's not...

I thought I told you to get that girl out of here.

That's not what he's talking about, Pop. See, I call up the talkback show, and I

said a few things. That's all.

That's all?

Listen, I'm telling you, it was terrific, man. The whole neighborhood is

about it.

What did you say? Well, I just, you know. Oh, he was, like, angry. He talked

about old people and unemployment and ugly buildings.

Listen, son, if you don't like it here, why don't you tell me?

I'll get this done. Don't worry about it.

I'll make him leave you alone.

Don't you worry about a thing.

You're Lamar Stanford.

Yes, I am. Who are you? You're perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

Hey, wait a minute. I know you. I saw you on television at the last election

a mass platform.

Correct.

Will you hold this for me, please?

James Montgomery Cambridge.

Mover of men.

Path holder of... public office servant to the people.

And who are you?

Fred Gene Sanford, mover of junk.

President holder of his stinking cigar.

Servant to his dump.

Why don't you have a seat there, Mr. President. All right, thank you. So

the district committee chairman, aren't you? Correct.

And we've learned that the radio station reported public opinion to your call

at 90 % positive.

And all morning long, my office has been having phone calls, telegrams. It's

incredible. Well, that's nice and everything, but it's, you know. Nice?

What do you think of that, Mr. Sanford, huh?

Oh, then.

Now, shove it up your nose.

Lamont, I'll get to the point.

You are the perfect candidate to run for the office of state assemblyman in this

district.

Assemblyman? Me?

Hey, man, I didn't graduate from high school. Oh, Lamont, that doesn't matter.

You're down to earth.

Young. You're a breath of fresh air.

Maybe you should run for deodorant.

I appreciate all the nice flowers. speeches you're making, Mr. Cambridge,

uh, I'm just not interested.

Now, Lamont, I beg you to reconsider.

Your state is calling you.

No, man, definitely not.

Oh, well, all right.

I guess I'll just have to cancel your fundraising dinner.

Uh, fundraising?

Fundraising business, son. Your state is calling you. Now, now, hurry up and

answer before they hang up.

Uh, Lamont, by the way, uh, just in passing, An assemblyman does earn about

,000 a year. My son, serving his country with honesty and youth, serving his

voters with integrity and pride, and serving his father with a new truck and

color TV.

Come right in. Welcome to the Black Caucus.

There's my...

Say, Lamont, you might sign these postcards I promised the fellas down at

barbershop that I'd get you an autograph.

Do you have that, Lamont? Well, every one of those autographs represents a

And a dime.

You charging a dime for Lamont's autograph?

No, Fred, that's what they offered. The dime was their idea.

But that's magnificent.

I wanted a dollar.

Say, look, wait a minute. Now, this whole thing is getting all out of hand.

Me being an assemblyman and signing autographs. You're running for the

Hey, that's terrific, Lamar. You can make a fortune.

You can make a fortune. Plus, you get $20 ,000 a year salary.

Hey, Papa, just stop it.

Just stop it. Mr. Cambridge, the point is I'm just not qualified for the job.

Qualified? What do you mean qualified?

The man is talking about politics, not brain surgery.

In one of my connections at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I took the

of having your driver's license photo put onto this poster.

Hey, Lamont, look at that.

Well, it's just a picture.

Lamont, if you decide to run, we'll put them up all over, while every person in

this district will have your face embedded in their memories.

Well, it is a nice likeness. A very good likeness. Now, why don't you reconsider

it, huh? Come on.

Come on. Good for this district.

All right, I'll do it. So you have decided to answer the call, huh, son?

Yep. Mr. Cambridge, my son is going to take the call.

Would you kindly deposit $20 ,000, please?

Hey, fellas, you're good to have you home.

Yeah, I've been home for dinner and weeks.

Sure has been lonesome around here. Yeah.

You know, I picked your favorite dinner tonight.

Celebrate. You got steak and onion rings and french fries and potatoes.

You love all that.

Yeah, the french fries.

And I got pig feet and chicken

eyes.

you like here.

Peach cobbler and grits.

And graze knees and bend his knees.

Here you are, son. Right there.

Jeez. You finished already, huh?

I guess you were so busy writing you didn't realize. that you had two

I'm sorry, Pop.

Listen, when we move to Sacramento, I'm going to get you a cook to make it

easier on you.

Move? Move where? Move.

Well, if I become assemblyman, we'll have to move to Sacramento, Pop, because

the state legislature's in the capital.

Move? I ain't moving nowhere.

I like it here.

All right, then you can fly up and see me every now and then.

Fly up? You mean you'd leave me here?

Fly up? You'd like to fly up?

Look at the time. I got to get out of here. You mean you're going somewhere

again? Listen, son, you don't never stay home like you used to. Why don't you

stay home sometimes so we can talk like we used to and watch television stuff?

We can stay all night and watch a good horror film. There's one of those

pictures all night. Your favorite. It's called Teenage Frankenstein Meets the

Acne Doctor.

Hey, Pop.

Look, man, I got that debate tonight on television with Harriet Rae.

Now, how could you forget that?

Well, if you can get your father, I can forget a television debate.

Oh, man. Hey, look, I'm sorry. Look, I know we haven't been spending any time

together, but look, I promise you, Pop, as soon as all of this is over, we'll

spend a lot of time together, okay?

Hey, I got a good idea. Why don't you come down to the television station and

watch me?

No, that's all right. You go ahead. I'll just stay home, and I'll wait in case

somebody calls, you know, taking a poll to find out who's the lonesomest old man

in town.

Take care now.

Go in the wind.

Lose second level.

Hey, Fred.

Hey, Grady.

Listen, Fred.

Grady, I don't know what to do. I'm going to miss Lamar so much.

Yeah, but listen, Fred.

When we move up to Sacramento, I'll be in this house all by myself.

Yeah, but listen, Fred. I feel so low.

Listen, Fred. And despondent. Fred. I mean, geez, I'm just depressed.

Listen, Fred. The swinging sandal sisters are on their way over here.

I ain't never felt this good. What?

And when they coming over? Wait a minute now. Well, let's get together and get

some party stuff together.

When I got the party stuff, I went out and got some potato chips and a bag of

pretzels and a whole bottle of sugar sack.

And I even got us some cigars so that we can offer the ladies our tipperillos.

What we'll do, we'll sit down and pour us a little drink.

So when they get here, we'll be looking cool. Yeah, and suave.

Yeah, and suave.

There they are.

Our little pigeons. Right on.

Two little pretty pigeons.

Coming.

How many pretty pigeons?

Welcome.

Hey,

Grady,

you must be magic.

Our two pretty pigeons turned into ugly buzzards.

Drinking, smoking, and whining in a snake pit of evil.

Listen, cobra face.

What are you doing here anyway?

That's all right. Don't tell me. I know. You came here to tell me and Grady that

you came in first at the King Kong look -alike contest.

capacity to tell you that Lamont has made me chairman of his committee

on morality and virtue.

Shut up, Grady.

Your son as a politician cannot afford to associate with the evil

-doing father and his heathenish friends.

So from now on, in this house, there will be no more drinking

and... smoking. Praise the Lord.

And pass them this.

You go ahead on and break that, honey, because you won't be needing

that no more because I just saw the Sattler sisters and sent them away. No,

didn't. You did what?

Salvation in your ear. You're right, Esther.

I've been wrong. I listen to you, and I'm going to make a deal with you.

It's about time.

I'm going to let you put some salvation in my ear.

Then I'm going to put some lead in your heart.

And we have yet another ghetto.

Thank you, thank you.

In reply to my honorable and distinguished opponent,

will say about the housing problem is that it is a problem.

Wow.

But I assure you that myself and my staff will look into the subject with

the diligence at our command.

Thank you.

Now that the two candidates have had a chance to meet each other face to face,

we'll take a one minute break and then come back for the debate.

Hey, Frank, Lamont's doing great.

He's going to win by a landslide.

Yeah, and I'll be hunted.

Lamont don't care about me no more.

Oh, come on, Frank.

I mean, he moved to Sacramento and leave me in that house all by myself.

Oh, now don't say that.

Then why I'm going to leave? No, don't. Excuse me, sir. I couldn't help

overhearing. Did you have something to say?

Something to say?

What's something to say? Well, yes, sir. You were standing here, and I thought

you might have a question or something to say to one of the candidates.

You see, we're newsmen, and we'd like to hear something that's newsworthy.

Oh, you're a newsman. That's right, sir. Yeah, I got something to say to a

candidate. I got something to say to the honorable distinguished dummy here.

You got something to say to him?

Yes,

sir. Son, come on home, will you?

If you come on home, I swear, I'll stop drinking and give her a smoker and won't

fool around with no nice girl.

And if you want to have a girl downstairs on the couch every night, I

care.

It's you, because you're younger than I am.

Hey, come on back, son. I'm not kidding you. Just be careful when you're down

there, and don't make me no grandfather before my time.

I know I asked you to be a semblant for the money.

But I don't want you to be a sinner for the money. Come home, you'll make a

better junk man.

Sir, sir, are you related to Mr. Sanford?

Damn right I'm related to him.

I'm his long -lost father.

Come on home, sir. Sir, sir, excuse me. You do realize that we're on television?

Huh?

We're on television, sir.

We're on television now? Yes, sir, that camera right there.

Everything we say was on television? Yes, sir, everything.

It's live now.

Right there, sir. Excuse me a minute. Can you back up a little bit?

Yes, sir.

Anyway, it don't make no difference. You don't care. Oh, come on, Pop.

That's right. You don't care. You move to Sacramento, and there ain't nothing

there for me.

I might as well just walk outside that door and fade on into the sunset.

Pop, the sun went down six hours ago.

You don't care. Look, I do care, man. I've withdrawn my candidacy. I've quit.

Yeah, you quit because I embarrassed you.

Yes, you embarrass me, but look, I finally realized that I wasn't

man. What do people need is somebody that knows what's going on in the

community, and that person is Harriet Radner. I think she'll make a fine

assemblywoman, and it's not your fault. It is my fault, too. It's all my fault.

I feel like just walking down the street and just alone contemplating where I

failed you. Oh, come on. I think I stopped by Sanctified City and told my

out to Reverend Spike.

Do you think it'll make you feel better?

It'll make me feel better, son.

Hey, Fred, will you please come on? Our pretty little pigeons are waiting out

here in the truck.

It'll really make me feel better, son.