All language subtitles for Sanford & Son s03e24 Hello Cousin Emma, Goodbye Cousin Emma

Hey, Grady, how you doing? Oh, hey.

Oh, look at that.

Okay, what you looking at?

I was just going through my old album
here, looking at some of my family

pictures.

Oh, look at this one.

You know who that naked baby is on that
bare skin rock?

No, Grady, let me guess.

Yeah. Just me.

Without the beard, of course.

Oh, of course.

Say, Grady, isn't it embarrassing having
a picture like that of yourself around?

Oh, no.

Almost every baby in the family had a
picture taken on that bearskin rug.

That was the most popular rug in town.
And the wettest.

They put you on a wet rug.

Well, they said I made my contribution,
too.

Well, what's with this sudden interest
all of a sudden in your family album,

Grady? Oh, well, I had forgotten what
Cousin Emma looked like, so I thought

better check it out so I can recognize
her when she gets here.

When she gets here?

Uh -huh. Your Cousin Emma's coming here?

Well, yeah, she called from the bus
station and she said she'd be here soon.

Here, meaning this house?

Well, I hope your Cousin Emma ain't
planning on staying here.

Oh, no, nope, nope, nope.

No, she's moving from Chicago, and she's
going to get us off a job. She does

housekeeping. Yeah, is this my lunch?
What is it?

Oh, yeah, that's your sandwich.

That's peanut butter and hog head cheese
on pumpernickel bread with a slice of

onion.

Good. And a little mayonnaise.

Great.

Well, just as long as your cousin M .A.
planning on staying here, Grady, because

you know Pop wouldn't dig that too
tough.

You don't have to worry about that.

She wouldn't stay even if I asked her
to. She is very independent.

Oh, good. And proud.

Good. Ask me if she ever applied for
welfare.

Did she ever apply for welfare?

Once.

And even then, she sent her husband.

Proud woman.

Proud. Oh, yeah.

Probably cousin Emma right now. Proud
woman. Now, you go ahead and you finish

your sandwich, and when you get through,
come on out and say hello.

I mean, she's proud, too.

That was, I mean, so... Hey, that was
a... Ah! Ah!

Oh,

look at him!

Oh, let me look at you.

Poor, the same Grady Wilson's have to
be.

who left me in charge here while he's
away in St. Louis.

Ain't he cute?

Grady, Grady, you know who he look like?
He look just like Sidney Poitier. Ain't

he?

Oh, where? Under the arms?

No, no, really.

How come some little girl hasn't come
along and stolen you away?

Well, um, well, I, uh, I'm not in any
particular hurry to get married.

How old are you?

31. 31?

Yes, ma 'am. If you wait much longer,
you ain't going to have no June bride.

You're going to have a Geritol bride.

Geritol bride!

Ain't she funny, Luan?

Hysterical. You wasn't like that, Grady.
You was a devil when you was a young

fella. Yeah, well, that's true. I was
sort of a devil.

You know, back in Chicago, they used to
call him the Sheikah Drexel Adler.

Every Saturday night he had some woman
chasing him. What'd he do, snatch a

purse?

Well, no, that's true.

They used to call me Grady the Lady
Killer.

Oh, I got a nice place here. How many
bedrooms you got? One.

How many?

Well, there's one for me and there's one
for him. Oh, well, that's what I gotta

find me a room.

Oh, no way.

Just come on over here and sit down.
Take a load off your feet. Well, I don't

want to waste no time. Now I want a job
and a place to live.

Have you got this morning's paper so I
can look up the one ass?

Emma, you just got here, and I wish
you'd hurry. Now just take it easy.

Grady, I don't want to be no trouble.

And I thought I'd find me a nice motel
to stay in for a while.

Oh, no, now you don't want to stay in no
motel. You know, a lot of those motels

show those dirty movies, you know?

No.

Not all. Some motels show dirty movies.
I mean, some of them are nice.

Maybe I can find me a nice room and
house to live in. You know a nice room

house? Some place nice and homey like
this nice place.

Well, Emma, you're not going to find any
place your first day in town.

I'll tell you what. Now, why don't you
stay here a few days until you get

settled down?

I know a nice motel in El Segundo.

She's not going to stay in a motel.

Now, Emma, you just stay right here. No,
no, absolutely not. I won't hear of it.

Did you hear that, Grady?

Absolutely not. She wouldn't hear of
that. Now, why not?

Because it's not fair, and I don't want
to be in no trouble. And you only got

two bedrooms.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Now, Lamont can sleep with me, and you
take his room. Grady! Oh, no, I couldn't

do that to Lamont. Did you hear that?
Cousin Emma couldn't do that to Lamont.

Well, sure you can.

Do it to him.

Unless you let me do the cooking, the
washing, the ironing, the cleaning, and

the making of the beds.

That way I'd feel like I was paying my
way.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We could never
have that. We'd never have you do all

those things.

Well, then I guess I'll go back to the
bus station and sleep in the ladies'

toilet. I'll drive you.

Now, wait a minute, Emma. Okay, all
right. You can do all those things you

you were going to do.

Didn't I tell you that she was proud?

But, look, I just really wouldn't feel
right having a relative of mine staying

here and working for nothing.

Well, it ain't for nothing. You're
giving me a place to stay.

Now,

what time is breakfast?

I'm going to get a good night's sleep,
and then I'm going to fix you both a

breakfast you ain't ever going to
forget.

Do you like hot cakes and sausages and
blueberry muffins and scrambled eggs?

Whatever, she's just going to spoil us
around here. Don't get too used to it,

because I'm going to find me a job and
be out of here tomorrow.

Which one is your bedroom, honey?

It's the first one on the right. Now,
give me this suitcase, and I'll help you

up the stairs. Oh, no, I can do that.
You ain't going to do nothing for me.

going to do it all for you.

Well, okay, Emma. We'll be up there in a
few minutes and show you where

everything is. Oh, thank you, Grady.

Thank you, Lamont.

Oh, the Lord will reward you for this.

I deserve a reward for skipping.

What's the matter with you? You're a
guest here yourself. What gives you the

right to be giving up my room?

Look, I'm sorry about that, but you
can't let her sleep out in the street.

And besides, your conscience will keep
you awake all night.

Yeah, well, that's better than your
snoring keeping me awake.

I snore? Yes, you snore, and you suck
your teeth.

Okay, all right. I promise I won't suck
my teeth.

You're doing it right now, Grady Wilson.
You're sucking your teeth.

Well, if I suck them now, I won't...

Grady.

Grady!

You're sucking your teeth again.

How could I be sucking my teeth when I
was sleeping?

Well, you're sucking them in your sleep.

Hey, move over. You're trying to hog up
this whole bed.

I'm over as far as I can go.

I don't want to be too near those
toenails.

Where'd you cut them things last anyway?

This is like sleeping with food.

agreed to go along with this in the
first place and that's what i get for

mr nice guy just think of the nice
breakfast we're going to have in the

the blueberry muffins the scrambled eggs
the sausage i mean what

is it you hear that

a plane taking off.

We are near the airport, aren't we?

That plane ain't taking off, it's
landed.

And it landed in my room. It's a DCM
-er.

Oh, that's because she's in there
sleeping on her back.

You want to go in there and roll over on
her stomach?

Just try and forget it. I mean, do like
me. Just think about the nice breakfast

we're going to have in the morning.

Goodbye.

I only slept a wink all night.

Oh, yeah?

I slept like a baby.

A baby octopus.

Huh? You were all over that bed, Grady.
How many elbows do you have anyway?

Listen, man, today your cousin Emma
goes.

Now, don't be so hateful. Today, Grady,
today.

She's probably in the kitchen right now.

Now, it'll all be worth it when we go in
there and see the breakfast that cousin

Emma has prepared for us.

Oh, I can smell it out here now. It
smells so good. Come on.

Get in there.

She's not here.

You know what you smell?

You forgot to take the garbage out last
night.

Wow, I wonder where Cousin Emma is.

I got a pretty good idea.

Oh, she's probably out shopping for our
breakfast right now. That's where she

is. Come on, let's go to the door and
help her out with it.

Yeah, she probably didn't see what she
needed around the house, so she just

on down to the store.

Morning,

Grady. Morning, Lamar.

Good morning, cousin. Honey, you feel
all right?

No, I don't, now that you ask.

I didn't sleep a wink last night.

You didn't, huh?

Not a wink.

Well, there must be a giant cockroach up
in your room.

I guess I'll go fix breakfast like I
promised.

Cousin Emma, you sure you feel up to it
now?

Of course I feel up to it. You just wait
right out here. I'll have a great time.

down to dine and get some breakfast. I
don't want to be around here to see

Now, wait a minute. Come on. Now, just
give her a chance.

This is her first time in a straight
out.

Grady, she ain't in no condition to do
nothing, man. She'll probably fall in

sink. No, she'll be all right. Just give
her a minute.

She fell in the sink.

Cousin Emma.

Cousin Emma, you all right? Oh, Cousin
Emma. Oh, Grady, I'm so sorry, but it

just slipped right on through.

You see, I get these dizzy spells. I
know. Now, just come on over here and

down.

Just take it easy now.

Well, I'll just sit here until I get
over my dizzy spell.

And then I'm going to fix you both a
nice breakfast. Now, Emma, maybe you

don't feel up to it. So why don't you
just let me fix breakfast, all right?

Oh, no, no, no. That wouldn't be fair.
And I don't want to be no trouble. And I

said I'd do it. But if you insist on
fixing the breakfast, then right on.

Now, yeah, Emma, now, Lamont and I can
handle it. Lamont will help me. Won't

you, Lamont? I'm going down here. Thanks
for helping me, Lamont.

We'll take care of it. Well, I'll let
you do that, but then you both clear out

the kitchen so I can do the dishes and
the cleaning and fix you a nice big

supper. Yeah, well, Emma, you see, I'm
in charge here, so I don't ever leave

anyway. Well, you just be in my way, so
you just clear out after you finish the

breakfast. But, Emma... No buts, just
out.

Well, where are you going now, Emma?

Going back to my bedroom until breakfast
is ready.

I want to be good and rested for my
day's work.

Call me.

Call me when it's ready.

You want to know what I think?

I think your cousin Emma is a gold
brick.

Oh, no.

Don't say that. She just got to get used
to the place, that's all. She's not

going to be here that long.

The only good thing about this whole
mess is that you get a chance to go out

the truck with me.

Oh, now I can't lift no heavy stuff now.

So don't expect too much.

You and your cousin Emma, y 'all can't
lift nothing, but you sure know how to

throw it around.

Yeah, I feel sorry for her.

That's what happens when they go through
the change.

You mean the change of life?

No, changing from Chicago to Los
Angeles.

If your cousin Emma don't have no supper
ready, I'm personally going to go in

there and... I could smell our supper
out here.

Mmm, do you smell those pinto beans?

Yes, but they're coming from Julio's
house.

I'm telling you, if she don't have no
supper ready, I'm not going to put up

this. I don't need it because I... Uh
-huh.

She's not in the kitchen. You know what
I think?

I think she's upstairs in bed. I bet you
she spent the whole day in bed.

Oh, no. Now, Emma wouldn't do anything
like that.

Emma!

Emma!

Yeah?

All right, yeah.

Well, is your cousin Emma a gold brick,
or is she a gold brick? I knew it. I

knew it the first day she walked through
that door that she was going to be

trouble. I wonder if she's really sick.

Come on, Grady, you're not buying all of
this. Man, you don't believe she's

stringing us along?

Well, you know, all the women like that
have things wrong with them. Maybe she's

got a gallbladder.

She's got them both.

Gall and bladder.

But mostly she's got gall.

I want her out of this house today,
Grady Wilson. You got that? Today.

Hi,

Grady. Hi, Lamar.

I'm so sorry.

I would have had...

What, did another dizzy spell?

No. I was putting on my dress and my hip
went out.

And now I'm walking crooked.

Oh, but I'll be fine in the morning. I'm
going to fix you a nice big breakfast.

You like pancakes and strawberries?

Emma, look,

you don't have to worry about us.

As a matter of fact, why don't you just
sit down over here and...

Just take it easy and we'll get stuff
ready.

You sure?

Really? Yeah, I'm sure, Emma. Well, I'd
do it, but I'm still a little dizzy and

the room is spinning around.

Just take it easy, Emma. I'm in the
kitchen.

I'm in the kitchen.

Don't worry about a thing. Now, I didn't
see it at first.

But now I see it. I see it all now.
Well, I sure wish you'd show it to me.

Well, now you see he's a relative, so
I've got to be a little subtle.

I have to sort of ease into it.

Well, why don't you ease on out into the
living room and tell Emma to ease the

hell out of here?

Well, no, that's not subtle enough.

I've got another idea.

Oh, but you just wait and see the big
breakfast I'm going to fix you in the

morning.

Well, your hip seems to be okay now,
Cousin Emma.

Well, I can sit straight, but I walk
crooked.

Cousin Emma, Lamont and I were in the
kitchen there trying to figure out what

were going to have for supper.

Now, how would you like fried chicken
wings and rice -a -roni? Oh, that sounds

fine. Or maybe you'd like to go Italian.

Veal parmesan and spaghetti -o. That
sounds good.

Uh -oh. Let's see, what else?

Hey, Grady, what's the matter with you?

I don't know, Lamar, but I think I got
it. I think it was being out on the

again. Oh, no, not again. That's twice
this month.

Lamar, I'm sure I got it.

That's what?

What you got?

It's a...

junkyard. And it's very contagious.

Very contagious.

But you don't have to worry as long as
you don't touch anything that we touch.

You see these hides?

Do you think she went for it? I don't
know, but we'll know in a few minutes.

I think I hear her in your room now.
Well, I hope she's going in there to

Yeah, I don't know what she's doing, but
I hear her now.

I hear her.

Now she sounds like she's running
downstairs.

Did you hear the front door open and
close?

No, it sounds like she's going in the
kitchen. Oh, oh, Lamar, you know what?

Now, if she's a true Wilson, she might
just be coming through in a pinch.

What? You know, some people don't like
that.

They can't get going unless there's a
crisis.

You know, like Nixon.

You say, what are you doing there?

Let's get downstairs and see if she's in
the kitchen. Okay.

Well, now we can have our supper. Good
idea. Have our supper.

Fried chicken wings and rice -a -roni.
Rice -a -roni, fried chicken wings.

Hey, the fried chicken wings and rice -a
-roni is gone.

I think she took chicken wings and rice
-a -roni. She did what?

Yeah. Well, what the heck, Grady. Look,
man, it was worth it. At least we got

rid of it, didn't we? Yeah, that's
right.

What's the matter with you, Grady? I
don't know, but I'm beginning to itch.

Well, stop, because you're making me
itch.

You think maybe we really got it? Got
what?

The junk man's itch. Grady, we made that
up, man. That don't exist.

Well, where are you going?

Why don't you go on back there in the
kitchen and finish washing dishes? That

what you were doing, wasn't it? Yeah,
but who's at the door, Lamar?

Oh, hi, sugar. You're right on time.

Hello.

Who's that, Lamar?

Oh, I'm sorry, Grady. This is my cousin.

Cousin Lorraine.

And Cousin Lorraine's going to be
staying with us for a little while,

Cousin Lorraine?

Anything you say, baby.

You know, if you're going to have a
cousin stay with you, then so can I.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, sure.

Excuse me, Cousin Lorraine.

You know, I thought we had learned our
lesson from that. You know, that

experience we had with Cousin Emma, and
she couldn't do anything. Now, maybe

it'll happen again.

Oh, no chance, Grady. No. Well, why not?

Show him what you do best, Cousin
Lorraine.

Well, why don't you go on back in the
kitchen, Grady? Oh, wait a minute now.

That ain't no cousin.

You can't fool me. I know a cousin when
I see one, and that ain't no cousin.

If that's the way it's gonna be,

for the Sun is recorded on tape for a
live studio audience.