All language subtitles for Sanford & Son s03e13 Mamas Baby, Papas Maybe

I'll see you later, Pop.

Okay, son.

Be careful, yeah?

Hiya, Fred.

Brady. Yeah, I just ran into, uh...
Lamont. Yeah, sit there, Fred. I got

something to tell you. Well, come on in
the house and tell me. All right.

What you looking for? Look like the
police are chasing you or something.

No, the police ain't chasing me, Fred,
but I just heard something that kind of

stripped me up.

Say, let me have a drink, please.

Okay.

You want to try what I invented?

It's a mixture of ripple and cream. I
call it cripple.

See, you see, after you drink a few of
them, you walk with a limp.

Yeah, man, no thanks, Fred. I just take
some straight ripples. Okay, straight

ripples. I call that stripple.

There you go.

Hey, Greg, you're making me nervous now.
What's bothering you?

It's not a what, Fred. It's a who.

Well, sit down and tell me what it is.

Well, I promised I wouldn't say anything
because he wanted to surprise you.

He who?

It's someone from back home in St.
Louis.

Do you remember Mrs.

Matlock's oldest son, Grip?

Big money Grip?

He used to be one of my best friends.

During depression, we sold blood.

Ours.

Well, he just moved into town the week
before last.

He did?

Gee whiz. You know, there's never a dull
moment when old Grip's around.

Well, what I came to tell you, Fred,
is...

Now, maybe I better have another shot of
this triple.

I mean, cripple or some ripple.

Put the bottle down, Grady. Now, calm
down.

Now, tell me what's bothering you.

Rip said that he moved here to be near
his son.

Oh, really? I didn't know Rip had a son.

Well, it's none of my business, Fred.

But I got to tell you who Rip's son is.

No, I can't do it.

It's, uh... What's your son's name?

Lamont. Yeah, that's it.

Oh, he named his son after my son.

Now, that's true friendship.

Well, it's more than that, Fred.

Grif said... I mean, Grif said... Grif

said... No, I can't...

His son, Fred, I swear on a stack of
Bibles this high, that's what he said.

Oh, how can Lamont be his son when I'm
the dumbest father?

Well, I don't know, Fred, but you know
that grip and Elizabeth were pretty

before she married you.

Oh, I know all about that. She told me
all about it. There wasn't nothing to

You know what I think? Elizabeth forgot
to tell you something.

Grip is just playing one of his
practical jokes on you, and he can fool

it. And another thing, see, this has all
the earmarks of a Grip special.

Yeah? Well, I don't know, Fred. He seems
pretty doggone serious to me.

Serious? Grip?

Are you kidding?

Grip's whole life has been one long joke
after the other.

He'd give you hot foots and pass out
them exploding cigars and then put some

plastic dog doo -doo on your rug.

Now, remember, you don't know nothing.
You don't know nothing because I ain't

told you nothing.

You sure act nutty, Grady. I should call
you Nutty Grady.

That's the gripper. I know that knock
anyway.

Same old knock.

Have no fear. Big money grip is here.

Big money grip with a swivel here.

Might be fine so I can stay alive.

I know about them Alabama.

I should have known better.

You ain't changing a lick. You're
looking good, Frank.

You're looking kind of spliffy yourself
there.

Hey, what you got in the bag?

Oh, I brought us some live bacon for our
reunion.

Why didn't you just bring some wine?

Yeah, you didn't have to be fancy.

Anything's been all right with us.

Anything? Not for my friends who I ain't
seen in almost 20 years.

I got the good stuff.

Cold duck?

Cold duck?

Damn, I ain't had no cold duck since the
last time I hit the number.

Sit down, Grip.

Open up the duck, and I'll get this
glass for you.

Hey, Grip. This reminds me of the good
old days.

We had some good fun back there, didn't
we? We sure did.

You remember that time in church when I
switched the communion grape juice for

real wine?

Yeah.

future got so carried away you had to be
carried away now that was one of my

real classics yeah and you still doing
that kind of stuff huh listen uh grady

told me what you told him that you know
about coming out here to be with your

son lamont and he fell for it hook line
and sinker yeah didn't you didn't you

grady he thought you were serious

it back any longer fred lamont is my son
but that's impossible

in order for lamont to be your son that
would mean that you and elizabeth says

that's impossible in order for lamont to
be your son that would mean that you

and elizabeth would have to let's have
another drink you know

that i was elizabeth's first love before
you stole away i didn't steal it was

offered to me and i accepted it

I wanted to wait until you got back
home, but she didn't.

And besides, how did Lamont be your son
when you was away in the Army? Now,

that's a good point, Fred.

You ever heard of a weekend pass?

That's a good point, Grim.

Shut up, Grady.

Let's have another drink.

You just can't walk into a man's house
and claim his only son without proof.

You wait a second. I'll show you some
proof.

Yeah, wait a second. Fred's going to
show you some proof.

I got some pictures here of Lamont when
he was a baby. Now, you tell me. He's

got some pictures of Lamont when he was
a baby. Then you tell him. See, now

that's a picture of Lamont when he was a
baby.

That's Lamont when he was a baby.

See, now, Grady, you remember when
Lamont was born. Now, you tell me, who

he look like?

Yeah,

he looks just like you, Griff.

Every time I... Hello?

That's got to be Little Lamont.

Hello?

You don't recognize me, do you? Remember
me?

No, I don't think so. See that?

He don't even remember you, Grip. Yeah,
he don't remember you, Grip. Sure, he

remembers Grip.

Big Money Grip.

I used to give you money to go to store
for me.

I used to let you read my girly
magazines.

Remember? Whiz Bank, Smokehouse Monthly.
Hey, Big Mo... Holy crap.

Right. Right.

I even taught you a little dance that we
used to do together. We stood right

next to each other and did our dance.

Still look like we make a good team,
huh, Fred? Yeah, yeah. Good team of

I almost didn't recognize you.

How long have you had the mustache?

Since he was in the seventh grade.

Say, Lamar, I got a present for you out
in my car.

Brought it all the way from St.

Louis. Let's go get it. Hey, Grip, you
didn't have to bring me no present. I

wanted to do it. All right.

Little, little mind. Big money, Grip.

Hey, kidding, wasn't it, Gritty?

I mean, Grip was kidding, wasn't he?

Well, you know what they say, Fred.

Mama's baby, Papa's maybe.

Shut up, Gritty.

I can't believe it.

Is that true what Grip said about you
and him and Lamont?

Huh?

Isn't it Elizabeth?

What's she say, friend?

She say, shut up, Grip.

Yeah, but it's making me uncomfortable.

Okay, then.

I won't bother you. I'll pay you lunch.
Thank you.

You fixed me a nice lunch over here.
Now, at least you can let me eat it in

peace. Okay, okay.

I won't bother you. Thank you.

You've been staring at me. How come
you're acting so weird today?

I'm not acting weird.

I'm acting like a father.

Because I feel fatherly.

Don't you feel sonnerly?

I feel like I'm never going to finish
this chicken noodle and tuna all right.

I'll get that. Yeah, why don't you do
that?

I mean, like you said, why don't you do
that, Pop?

You realize you have to call me Pop all
day?

Would you see who that is, Pop?

I sure would appreciate it, Pop.

Thank you very much, Pop.

Now there, there's three Pops. Okay,
Pop?

That's fine, son.

I'll see you at the door, son.

I hope it's somebody we want to see,
son.

Yeah, that's my son.

No kidding about it. I really do hope
it's somebody we want to see. But you

what? Son of a gun.

Yes, sir.

How do you feel?

I feel fine, Fred.

And I ain't got no money to loan you.

If that's why you asked me over here, I
might as well go. No, wait a minute.

I ain't ask you over here to borrow no
money. If I wanted some money, I'd ask

you over the phone.

Hello there, Ernest. Hello, Lamar.

Hey, Pop, I got to make a few pickups on
the truck. I'll be right back. Okay,

son.

Take it easy, son.

And be careful, son.

Bye, son.

Now, why don't you call me over here for
a friend?

Sit down, Ernest. Take the load off.

I'd rather kiss an octopus than a mouse.

I wouldn't want

you to kiss me.

I'd rather be kissed by a snag or two.

Kiss your octopus.

Well, listen, neither one of us don't
have to worry about nothing like that.

Now, listen here, Esther.

I just want to have a confidential
conversation with you about Elizabeth.

My sister Elizabeth?

No, your brother Elizabeth.

Of course your sister and my wife.

Now, Esther, this is just between me and
you.

Now, I want to know, did Elizabeth
ever...

dilly -dally while we were married.

What's a dilly -dally?

Well, you know what I mean. It's like,
did she fool around?

For instance, you ought to be ashamed to
even let something like that come out

of your heatedness mouth.

My baby sister was as pure as a driven
snow.

Yeah, but who was doing the driving?

Until the day she died, only someone
with a foul mind and a foul mouth could

come up with such a foul idea.

Fred Sanford, you foul.

You a foul heathen.

I'm a happy foul heathen.

You bet.

I'm the happiest foul heathen you ever
seen. I'm so happy to find all that good

stuff you just told me. I don't know
what to do. I appreciate it.

Hey, Chris.

I'm glad you came. I just got some
important information from my sister -in

here. Oh, is this lady your sister -in
-law?

Uh, this is my sister -in -law. I ain't
said nothing about no lady.

Don't pay no attention to this
uncivilized heathen.

I'm Esther Anderson.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm Grip Madlock from St. Louis.
Remember me?

Big money Grip Madlock.

I don't want it only.

Sure, I remember you.

Be crazy about you.

Well, what brings you to town?

Grip, tell her what you told me
yesterday, and then she got something to

you. Now, listen to this, Esther.

Go on, I'm all ears.

No, you're not. You're all mouth, but
listen to me.

Well, it's very simple.

Lamont Stanford is my son.

What did you say, nigga?

And your sister Elizabeth... Stop!

There is no peace, says the Lord, unto
the wicked.

Get thee behind me, Satan.

But I'm going to get behind you because
I'm going to put my foot in your...

You

don't have to do nothing after peace.
Now listen, Grip.

And if anybody should know, she should.
And she swears that Elizabeth was pure

as the driven snow.

And you're looking at the only driver
she ever had.

Don't make no difference what either one
of you says.

I know the truth, and that's why I'm
here today. To tell Lamont so he can

on who he wants to be with.

Lamont, you gonna tell Lamont a
deliberate lie?

It ain't a lie, it's true.

God shall smite... But I can't wait.
Fair enough. We both speak the hell out

here right now.

Uh -huh.

What's going on in here?

What's going on in here?

Ain't nothing going on, son.

Grip here was just leaving. Not until I
tell Lamont what I have to tell him. You

don't want to hear this, Lamont.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hear what?

I'll tell you, son. Now, come on over
here. I'll tell you what it's all about.

Sit down right there.

Now, here it is.

Grip said it.

He's your father.

Your real father.

What?

Don't listen to any more of mine.

Honest, I've asked you not to do that.

What did you say?

I said that Grip said that he's your
real father.

Grip? Yeah, me and all the others say
it's a lie.

But I'm the only one that knows, and I
say it's not a lie.

Grip says he's my real father?

Wow, this is heavy.

why I'm here, Lamar.

So that you can decide on who you want
to be with.

Your real father or him.

You mean you want me to choose between
you and you?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Excuse me a minute, Greg. Come over here
and sit down, Papa.

Sit down, please.

I don't care nothing about this business
or this house. You know?

No.

But what I do care about is you, Pop.

Because you're my Pop, man, and I love
you.

Now, Grip, if you are my father, that
was between you and my mother. I ain't

have nothing to do with that.

But hey, man, this is my father. The
only Pop I've ever known.

Now, all my life it's been Sanford and
Son, and as far as I'm concerned, that's

the way it's going to always be.

Well, Griffin, I guess your little
business is over now, and you're welcome

say goodbye.

So long, and adios, and I really did it.

I'm sure you can get the hell out of
here.

Thomas will stop telling that wicked lie
about my sister. What do I have to do

to prove it's true?

Tell you the time, the place, and
everything?

Just tell the truth, sucker.

For the truth shall make you free.
That's junk.

Yeah, don't tell no lie, because the lie
can find you dead. That's right.

Okay.

You lived at 3207 Enright in St. Louis,
right?

That's right.

Okay.

I came around one evening while everyone
was asleep and sneaked in her room.

That's a lie. Oh, wait a minute, Fred.
Wait a minute.

No, no, I'll take care of it. I'll
handle it. I'll handle it. We'll soon

out.

Which one was Elizabeth's room, chump?
It was the room off the kitchen.

See how he lied?

The room off the kitchen was my room.

Now the truth now, because you know the
truth shall make you free.

Because then you say, how much I meant
to you.

And it's going to be happening, son,
forever.

Hey, a minute, Pop.

You know what? I feel like celebrating.

Why don't we run upstairs and get
cleaned up and go out and have dinner?

treat. You serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

You know what, son?

What, Pop?

I like you.

You're a good kid.

Hey, it's hereditary.

Come on, let's go.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape
before a live studio audience.