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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,070 --> 00:00:19,210 The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast, coming to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the 2 00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:22,610 entertainment capital of the world, Las Vegas, Nevada. 3 00:00:23,650 --> 00:00:28,670 Ladies and gentlemen, from the beautiful Siegfeld Room, tonight's star -studded 4 00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:31,990 roast has brought together some of the world's greatest entertainers. 5 00:00:32,270 --> 00:00:37,290 They've come from all over the world to be here tonight, here in Las Vegas, in 6 00:00:37,290 --> 00:00:38,290 person. 7 00:00:45,290 --> 00:00:47,270 Your Roastmaster, Dean Martin. 8 00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:53,910 And our very special woman of the week is Zaja Gabor. 9 00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,110 Well, 10 00:01:10,190 --> 00:01:13,710 tonight we salute Zaja. 11 00:01:14,350 --> 00:01:16,110 the most famous of the Gabor sisters. 12 00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:20,210 You all know the Gabor sisters, the original gold diggers. 13 00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:25,630 Poor Zsa Zsa, she never had a childhood. 14 00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:29,390 She went right from kindergarten to the marriage bureau. 15 00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:34,970 She's been married so many times, she's got Uncle Ben on a retainer. 16 00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:41,170 She's got so many wedding rings on her finger, when I kissed her hand tonight, 17 00:01:41,170 --> 00:01:43,090 thought I was kissing a package of Lifesavers. 18 00:01:44,950 --> 00:01:49,450 Doesn't Jaja look great? It's a wonder she's alive after all the blood tests 19 00:01:49,450 --> 00:01:50,910 she's taken for marriage licenses. 20 00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:54,870 I love your dress, but too much cleavage. 21 00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:59,490 Oh, Jaja loves things like that. Oh, no, it looks like the golden arches over 22 00:01:59,490 --> 00:02:00,490 McDonald's. 23 00:02:06,890 --> 00:02:10,550 But I'm sure everyone will agree that Zsa Zsa is quite a woman. They even 24 00:02:10,550 --> 00:02:14,150 published a book about her life, but the author wasn't the first one to capture 25 00:02:14,150 --> 00:02:15,150 her between covers. 26 00:02:17,530 --> 00:02:21,210 Men have always found her irresistible. 27 00:02:21,890 --> 00:02:25,410 The very first time Conrad Hilton met Zsa Zsa, he proposed. 28 00:02:25,790 --> 00:02:27,470 The second time, he proposed marriage. 29 00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:34,570 That's true. Her marriage to Conrad Hilton didn't last too long. She married 30 00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:35,570 at noon. 31 00:02:35,850 --> 00:02:38,230 Divorced him at two because checkout was at three. 32 00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:44,010 Zaza, there's a lot of your friends and admirers who couldn't be here tonight, 33 00:02:44,110 --> 00:02:47,930 but they've sent you some telegrams, and I'd like to read some of them. First 34 00:02:47,930 --> 00:02:48,930 one. 35 00:02:50,030 --> 00:02:52,330 Oh, it comes from Senator Sam Irvin. 36 00:02:52,850 --> 00:02:57,190 Dear Zaza, will you marry me? I think I could show you a few new wrinkles. 37 00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:12,020 It was so sweet of you to loan me your pink chiffon gown tonight. 38 00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:16,840 I just hope it looks as nice on me as it does on you. Signed, Truman Capote. 39 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:23,080 This is one from the Immigration Department of the Virgin Islands. 40 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:27,740 Dear Mrs. Gabor, in answer to your recent inquiry, you don't have to sign 41 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,020 order to become a citizen. 42 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,740 I think Donald O 'Connor starred in some of the greatest musicals ever made in 43 00:03:37,740 --> 00:03:41,580 Hollywood, and I loved him when he worked with Francis the Talking Mule. 44 00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:42,580 day they broke up. 45 00:03:42,820 --> 00:03:45,400 The mule felt that Donald was holding him back. 46 00:03:46,420 --> 00:03:48,640 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Donald O 'Connor. 47 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,280 Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 48 00:04:00,780 --> 00:04:03,800 And, Dean, I came here tonight to make a confession. 49 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:08,180 You see, this is something I've kept secret for many years. 50 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:12,440 Ladies and gentlemen, I was once married to Zsa Zsa Gabor. 51 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,820 Well, to this day, I remember every detail of that wedding ceremony. The 52 00:04:20,820 --> 00:04:24,560 preacher said to Zsa Zsa, Do you take this man? And she said, Yes, darling, 53 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:25,560 everything he's worth. 54 00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:29,860 Well, I'll... 55 00:04:33,060 --> 00:04:38,040 Well, what a wedding night that was, and I thought Francis the Mule was 56 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,040 stubborn. 57 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,540 Well, they bought an idyllic little cottage and settled down. 58 00:04:44,780 --> 00:04:50,120 And then one day I came home from work, and there was Zsa Zsa in her easy chair 59 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,040 knitting tiny little booties. 60 00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:56,400 I said, Zsa Zsa, does this mean that soon there will be the patter of little 61 00:04:56,400 --> 00:05:00,280 feet running around the house? And she said, yes, darling, I'm dumping you for 62 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:01,280 Willie Shoemaker. 63 00:05:05,610 --> 00:05:06,990 And I want to thank you, Zsa Zsa. 64 00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:10,690 You're lovely and you're precious and you're a darling. And I'm happy to be 65 00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:13,030 here. And I'll have your check for you on Thursday. 66 00:05:20,890 --> 00:05:27,750 Zsa Zsa, as a surprise to you, we've 67 00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:30,690 brought your personal hairdresser all the way from the old country. 68 00:05:31,190 --> 00:05:32,190 Ladies and gentlemen. 69 00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:35,200 A warm welcome for Charles of Warsaw. 70 00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:51,160 The family, thank you. The family that prays together, stays together. 71 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,940 So there she sits, ladies and gentlemen, in all her glory, as usual, surrounded 72 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:57,460 by handsome men. 73 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,820 That's why I like to hang around. It gives me a chance to pick up the 74 00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:01,820 stragglers. 75 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:05,560 No, 76 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,880 seriously. 77 00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:17,520 I am just mad about primping Zsa Zsa's hair. And I've primped all the crown 78 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:18,520 heads of you. 79 00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:25,180 In fact, I'm known as the... No, it's true. I am known. 80 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,220 I might do Vegas. 81 00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:31,740 I am known as the biggest in Budapest. 82 00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:41,160 Look at it, ladies and gentlemen. Gorgeous. And there she sits. Queen of 83 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,380 surveys. And I say that as an expert on queens. 84 00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:48,540 Jar Jar. 85 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:53,300 Jar Jar. 86 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,140 You may never have tried to fool Mother Nature. 87 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,810 But you certainly have father time going bananas. 88 00:07:02,570 --> 00:07:03,170 In 89 00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:12,070 Hollywood, 90 00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:17,070 there are two main trade papers, Daily Variety and The Hollywood Reporter, and 91 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,490 there's one news and gossip column that everybody in show business reads. 92 00:07:20,710 --> 00:07:25,030 I know. I read it every morning to find out if I'm still happily married. 93 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,420 It's written by a lady called Sue Cameron. 94 00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:33,920 She's a columnist who really knows how to get a story. In fact, she was the 95 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:37,360 first one who found out that Liz and Dick were drifting apart. 96 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,100 She was lying in bed between them at the time. 97 00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,000 Ladies and gentlemen, Sue Cameron. 98 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:59,580 says that Zsa Zsa is the most fantastic housekeeper in the world. 99 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,840 True. Absolutely true. 100 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:06,080 Every single time she gets a divorce, she always keeps the house. 101 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,740 Seriously, though, you know, when anybody becomes famous like Zsa Zsa, 102 00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:20,760 get jealous. And that really explains a lot of the nasty rumors about her that 103 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:21,659 you hear. 104 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:26,500 As a reporter whose job it is to sort out fact from fiction, and I really do, 105 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:30,400 happen to know that these rumors are absolutely false. And I would like to 106 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,659 this opportunity to lay a few of those vicious stories to rest. 107 00:08:34,299 --> 00:08:41,240 First of all, it is not true that during World War II, Zsa Zsa had a British 108 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:42,780 secret agent in her bosom. 109 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:50,220 Nor is it true that she has towels in her bathroom reading hers. 110 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:51,720 And whoever. 111 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,880 You like that idea, right? 112 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,060 It is not true, also, that Zsa Zsa was kicked out of high school for getting 113 00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,500 three boys in trouble. 114 00:09:10,340 --> 00:09:15,680 And finally, it is absolutely untrue that Zsa Zsa Gabor marries men for their 115 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,860 money. She has better ways of getting it. 116 00:09:32,910 --> 00:09:38,550 I'm not going to say anything unkind about Miss Cameron, out of respect, out 117 00:09:38,550 --> 00:09:40,270 admiration, and out of fear. 118 00:09:42,310 --> 00:09:43,990 Next we have Corbett Monica. 119 00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:46,850 Corbett's career is really picking up speed. 120 00:09:47,550 --> 00:09:49,910 So does anything that's going downhill. 121 00:09:53,110 --> 00:09:55,470 Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Corbett Monica. 122 00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:07,570 Ladies and gentlemen, members of the dais, honored guest. 123 00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:12,310 As you can see, the function of this panel is to roast, to rib, to take pot 124 00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:14,150 shots at the honored guest. 125 00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:18,030 Usually the recipient is a man that makes that task much easier. 126 00:10:18,990 --> 00:10:20,390 However, tonight we have a woman. 127 00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:26,110 And for me to stand here and take pot shots at a lady like Zsa Zsa Gabor, it's 128 00:10:26,110 --> 00:10:27,190 going to be such a pleasure. 129 00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:33,410 I've been waiting to get this broad on a television show where she can't talk 130 00:10:33,410 --> 00:10:34,410 back. 131 00:10:35,950 --> 00:10:38,930 The thing that amazes me about her tonight is she's been here ten minutes 132 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,090 hasn't reported a robbery yet. 133 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,870 The last time she got robbed, a thief stole her credit card. 134 00:10:47,310 --> 00:10:50,210 Her husband didn't report it because he claimed the thief was spending less than 135 00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:51,210 Zaza. 136 00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:57,930 But let us give credit where credit is due, ladies and gentlemen, to the 137 00:10:58,030 --> 00:11:05,030 Jolie, who raised three children, Eva, Magda, and Zaza. 138 00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:08,110 An actress, a housewife, and a diamond expert. 139 00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:14,570 Can you imagine these four women once lived together all at the same time? 140 00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:18,690 I heard the battles were so big in that house that Bob Hope went over to 141 00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:19,690 entertain. 142 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,990 Look at me as I'm sitting there. 143 00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:32,110 I don't know if I want you to look at me. 144 00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:35,830 Which reminds me, I have to go to the mountains next week. 145 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:51,910 Look at Jar Jar sitting here, famous, beautiful, wealthy. 146 00:11:52,890 --> 00:11:56,230 How you must be laughing at those people that said you'd be through when talking 147 00:11:56,230 --> 00:11:57,230 pictures came in. 148 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,420 And so to you ladies out there, I leave you with the great words of Zsa Zsa 149 00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:08,420 Gabor. 150 00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:13,020 If your boyfriend breaks the engagement and he wants to roam, give him back the 151 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:14,320 ring, but never the stone. 152 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:26,360 Thank you, Corbett. 153 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,360 Immediately after the show tonight, Corbett leaves on a tour. 154 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:34,140 Kansas City, Chicago, St. Louis, Detroit, Cleveland, and New York, where 155 00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:35,140 look for work. 156 00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:42,480 Now here are the two nicest words in country western music. 157 00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:44,180 Donna Fargo. 158 00:12:57,230 --> 00:13:00,470 You know, Zsa Zsa Gabor is a remarkable person. 159 00:13:00,710 --> 00:13:04,150 But until tonight, I never knew just how remarkable she is. 160 00:13:04,730 --> 00:13:08,730 Before the show this evening, I went into her dressing room to see if I could 161 00:13:08,730 --> 00:13:09,730 borrow some eye shadow. 162 00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:14,010 And I learned something about Zsa Zsa that I never knew before. 163 00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:17,910 Zsa Zsa Gabor is a man. 164 00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:29,210 She's really Howard Cosell in drag. 165 00:13:37,190 --> 00:13:41,010 You notice how you never see them together. 166 00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:47,730 Now, I can see some of you are shocked at this revelation. 167 00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:52,710 But believe me, you're not half as shocked as Zsa Zsa's husbands are. 168 00:13:56,140 --> 00:14:00,040 In case you're wondering how she does it, she uses cosmetics from her own 169 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,360 cosmetics firm, Zsa Zsa Limited. 170 00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:06,740 It's amazing what makeup can cover. 171 00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:12,300 Thank you, Donna. 172 00:14:15,180 --> 00:14:16,200 Thank you, Donna. 173 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,160 That was good. 174 00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:25,750 Ladies and gentlemen, Red Kelton needs no introduction. 175 00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:29,330 The reason he needs no introduction is because he's not here tonight. 176 00:14:33,610 --> 00:14:36,610 So we're stuck with Lonnie Shore. 177 00:14:36,950 --> 00:14:37,950 Ladies and gentlemen, Lonnie. 178 00:14:45,670 --> 00:14:47,470 I ain't gonna cut your hair anymore. 179 00:14:49,050 --> 00:14:53,030 You know, what Dean didn't tell you is that originally, I'm from a little town 180 00:14:53,030 --> 00:14:56,590 in North Carolina called Zebulon, and I was down there last week, 181 00:14:57,710 --> 00:15:00,630 and when the folks down there asked me what I was going to do on the Dean 182 00:15:00,630 --> 00:15:03,710 Show, I said I was going to help them roast Zsa Zsa. 183 00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,850 And they want to know if there's anything like catfish. 184 00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:14,930 I did, but they don't really know too much. They said, what kind of bait do 185 00:15:14,930 --> 00:15:16,050 use to catch a Zsa Zsa? 186 00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:18,250 I said money. 187 00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:25,650 And when Dean invited me to appear on the day, I decided to do some research 188 00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:29,950 this lovely lady, and I found out that she wasn't always this lovely. 189 00:15:30,770 --> 00:15:35,450 Now, would you believe that I found this out from the only Hungarian that I ever 190 00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:40,250 knew? His name was Zoltan, and he is the proprietor of the Bontan Tonsorio 191 00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:43,410 parlor in Zabala, North Carolina. He's the only Hungarian in that whole area. 192 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:49,080 It's true, and it turned out that he was from the same hometown that your family 193 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:53,840 was from, and he knew Zsa Zsa and the rest of the family back in the old 194 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,560 before you all came over here. 195 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,180 And it was true. 196 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,360 And as a matter of fact, he showed me, I don't know whether you knew this, but 197 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,680 he's got a lot of pictures of you when you were growing up. 198 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,320 And you can believe me, friends, she wasn't always this pretty. 199 00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:07,980 She doesn't. 200 00:16:08,410 --> 00:16:11,770 It's true, as a matter of fact, when she was a youngster, they had to tie a pork 201 00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:14,330 chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her. 202 00:16:20,670 --> 00:16:27,530 And then it had a bunch of aggressive pictures, 203 00:16:27,630 --> 00:16:30,990 and then when I saw the next picture, as a teenager, she looked so bad, I mean, 204 00:16:31,010 --> 00:16:34,450 she could have cooked naked in a lumber camp and nobody would have touched her. 205 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,860 rings all over her chest where guys kept touching her with a 10 -foot pole. 206 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:56,940 But that, of course, was a long time ago, way back then. But as you can see 207 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:01,380 and as we say down home, Miss Gabor, you sure did clean up good. 208 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:02,600 Thank you. 209 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:15,319 When you talk about beautiful sisters, I guess everybody thinks immediately 210 00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:17,599 about the three glamorous Gabor's. 211 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,579 Zsa Zsa, Ava, and Magda. 212 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,560 But believe it or not, there's a fourth gorgeous Gabor sister. 213 00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:29,080 And we flew her in tonight as a surprise for Zsa Zsa. Come on out, honey. 214 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,840 Hello, darlings. 215 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,380 My name is Gladys Gabor. 216 00:17:58,460 --> 00:18:03,920 I used to think it was Ormsby, because that's what my sister always called me. 217 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:09,260 But then I looked Ormsby up in a Hungarian -English dictionary, and I 218 00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:11,280 it means get lost, fish face. 219 00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:18,080 Zsa Zsa is truly a woman of many talents, and she's deeply interested in 220 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,240 everything that goes on. 221 00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:22,670 You may think she's indifferent to world affairs. 222 00:18:22,910 --> 00:18:24,490 What, Tommy Rot? 223 00:18:24,790 --> 00:18:27,630 She's had affairs all over the world. 224 00:18:32,290 --> 00:18:36,430 They say my sister Ja doesn't care about the little people in the world. 225 00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:37,910 Bouchois! 226 00:18:39,230 --> 00:18:44,530 Name one other woman who would let Mickey Rooney hide under her in a 227 00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:11,270 to the practice at least once a week to take a millionaire to lunch. 228 00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:15,090 And she's taken a lot of them. 229 00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:21,910 And I remember the time she saw a hungry little girl begging in the street with 230 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:22,910 her hand out. 231 00:19:22,990 --> 00:19:27,790 Zsa Zsa immediately stopped the limousine and read her palm. 232 00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:29,950 Dream! 233 00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:34,370 They've said my sister doesn't believe in freedom. 234 00:19:34,810 --> 00:19:35,810 Balderdash! 235 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,120 almost as many people as Abraham Lincoln. 236 00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:45,480 So in conclusion, leave on it now. 237 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:50,400 In conclusion, let me say, my older sister Zsa Zsa doesn't know 238 00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:54,740 A lot 239 00:20:54,740 --> 00:21:04,100 of 240 00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:06,920 you don't know what I said and what she said. 241 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,460 But many of us had it in Mexico. 242 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,320 Ja, I call her Ja. 243 00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:25,020 I know her better than they know her. 244 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,120 She's just a person in show business. 245 00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:30,880 Corbett, you took a few sharp raps out of Corbett. 246 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:33,300 Yeah, well, but it was funny. 247 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,300 But it hurt me, because I know her a long time, and I love her, and I love 248 00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:40,180 sister. I worked for 249 00:21:40,180 --> 00:21:46,520 four months 250 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:47,680 in Hungary. 251 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:53,240 and I looked up the Gabor family, and they were not poor people, but they did 252 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,620 help their country, and they lived in Transylvania, which has a reputation 253 00:21:57,620 --> 00:22:01,900 all vampires, bloodsuckers came from, but they weren't. Yes, they had the 254 00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:02,900 ability. 255 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,260 But they didn't. 256 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:11,660 No, they used their ability to go to the mountains for the poor people and suck 257 00:22:11,660 --> 00:22:12,920 coal out of the hills. 258 00:22:14,940 --> 00:22:17,080 The old mother sucked a ton a day. 259 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,800 She was held up in an elevator. 260 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,500 Yes. They took all her jewels. 261 00:22:27,460 --> 00:22:32,720 They took the... They took the necklace off her neck in 21 seconds and the ring 262 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,500 off her finger in 13 seconds. 263 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,140 And your diamond garter belt took 45 hours. 264 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,460 Later on, she married the robber. 265 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:53,220 The only reason you're here, that they say anything, It's because everybody 266 00:22:53,220 --> 00:22:54,640 is so filled up with love for you. 267 00:22:55,120 --> 00:23:01,980 Because you are the object of desire and fulfillment of every man. 268 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:03,320 I know me. 269 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:09,500 Here, on television, in front of everybody, I would commit any kind of an 270 00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:11,160 that was required of me. 271 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,440 The prosecution roasts. 272 00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:31,640 Seriously. Everybody talks, you know, all kind of ways. Like in Hungary, in 273 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,440 Debrecen, in Jura, in Visegrad. 274 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,740 It's all the same Hungary. But here, he talks one way. 275 00:23:38,540 --> 00:23:43,520 Now the guy talks this way. Looks like a lobster got hold of his nose. 276 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:46,680 It's different. 277 00:23:46,740 --> 00:23:48,200 They don't know what Zsa means. 278 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,040 Zsa is the Hungarian word. 279 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,640 For both of them, and that's why she's called Zsa Zsa. 280 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:02,520 Well, 281 00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:12,280 ladies and gentlemen, here's our lovely and exciting woman of the week, the 282 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:13,920 glamorous Miss Zsa Zsa Gabor. 283 00:24:32,899 --> 00:24:36,480 I'm very courageous. I never knew that roasting meant this. 284 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,000 But now I do. 285 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:42,100 Anyhow, thank you, Dean. Dean, darling, I don't know how I miss marrying you. 286 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,300 You're everything I'm looking for in a man. 287 00:24:44,780 --> 00:24:49,280 You're handsome, you're Italian, you're rich, and you're not so bright. 288 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:57,080 Donald O 'Connor, how lovely of you to remember that we were married once. 289 00:24:57,700 --> 00:24:59,900 I have completely forgotten it. 290 00:25:02,190 --> 00:25:03,990 Oh, it's an unsuccessful night. 291 00:25:06,470 --> 00:25:13,390 I'm glad... I'm 292 00:25:13,390 --> 00:25:17,010 very glad I came tonight because I had a chance to meet the only Gabor sister we 293 00:25:17,010 --> 00:25:19,430 never talk about, Rose Buzzy. 294 00:25:20,210 --> 00:25:22,510 Rosie, darling, you could never be a Gabor. 295 00:25:22,950 --> 00:25:25,030 You're much too insecure around men. 296 00:25:26,610 --> 00:25:27,670 She's the only... 297 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,860 She's the only girl I know who wears a burglar alarm on her pantyhose. 298 00:25:47,700 --> 00:25:49,340 Buddy Hackett, I really love you. 299 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,300 But really, you surprised me very much tonight. 300 00:25:52,660 --> 00:25:56,780 It's the first time in my life that I heard you say ten clean words in a row. 301 00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:06,590 Even the nine of them were in Hungarian. 302 00:26:07,850 --> 00:26:13,210 Tonight you all possess how I live. 303 00:26:13,730 --> 00:26:16,430 Thank God I'm not like the average housewife. 304 00:26:17,610 --> 00:26:18,610 Thank God. 305 00:26:21,810 --> 00:26:24,650 They're always bragging that they're great in the kitchen. 306 00:26:25,110 --> 00:26:29,070 Believe me, there are other rooms in the house I like to be great in. 307 00:26:36,270 --> 00:26:40,970 But seriously, it was fantastic being with you tonight because I only love bad 308 00:26:40,970 --> 00:26:44,270 men. And you guys, you are the worst. 309 00:26:46,470 --> 00:26:50,630 But I'm much grateful to all you funny people for roasting me tonight. 310 00:26:51,010 --> 00:26:53,310 Where would this world be without laughter? 311 00:26:54,550 --> 00:26:56,070 Tonight we found out. 312 00:27:09,390 --> 00:27:12,970 I want to thank all my wonderful guests for being here tonight, and I want to 313 00:27:12,970 --> 00:27:15,830 especially thank our lady of the week, Zsa Zsa Gabor. 314 00:27:16,230 --> 00:27:20,510 You know, we kidded Zsa Zsa a lot tonight, but I must say she's a very 315 00:27:20,510 --> 00:27:24,750 girl. She doesn't care for a man's company unless he owns it. 26205

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