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(wind whooshing)

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(dark rock music)

(dark tense music) (crickets chirping)

(electricity zapping)

(wires sparking)

(truck engine rumbling)

(wires sparking)

- This is Willis up here at the substation.

There seems to be a problem here.

It must be that new radio station kicking in.

I'm gonna check it out.

(keys clinking) (chain rattling)

(electricity zapping)

(fungus squelching)

Holy shit!

(vortex whirring) (Willis screaming)

(upbeat polka music playing)

- We're outside the modest studios

of radio station KDUL,

just about the last place you'd expect to find

America's most controversial rock and roll disc jockey,

but he's here, and this man hired him.

It all began when Vernon L. Locknut,

KDLU's owner, discovered that his tiny all-polka station

was actually authorized to broadcast nationwide

on a clear channel.

- That's right, Lisa.

We broadcast over 666 kilohertz on the AM band.

Now because of the superstition about the number 666,

we're the only 666 in the entire country!

- Thank you, Vernon.

And so this morning with a new 50,000 watt transmitter

installed and tested, chief engineer Corky Bradford

threw the switch, and super station 66 was on the air.

Signing on with a 66 hour marathon shift,

rock radio's most notorious DJ, Dangerous Dan O'Dare,

returns to the airwaves after a six month suspension

by the FCC.

- Hmm.

Lisa, I've got my radio here tuned to super station 66,

and listen to this.

(polka music playing)

I thought Dan O'Dare was a rock and roller.

- Well, what you're listening to

is a typical Dan O'Dare stunt.

♪ Oh how the lady just loves to feel her boy ♪

- Look, folks, come on.

You're in polka hell, and I'm in polka hell,

but I'm not changing this record

until someone guesses the right number.

So please, ladies and gentlemen, pick up your phone,

and let's get some rock and roll going in here.

Somebody please!

This stuff is killing me!

- [Caller 1] Dan, try eight to the right,

two to the left, 14 to the right.

- All right, 14.

(chain rattling)

No.

No, no, no, no!

Come on, people!

Lisa what's her face is here for my big interview,

and the way these chains are wrapped between my legs

is making her microphone throb.

- [Caller 2] Hi Dan!

Seven right, 25 left, 30 right.

(chains rattling)

- No.

No, it doesn't work.

People, I'm trying to give away

a Sukiyama off road convertible.

For 20 hours, I've been chained to the wall.

Just three numbers is all I need,

just three numbers!

Somebody give me three numbers!

- Chains, huh?

Not a bad gimmick.

Dan O'Dare, welcome to "Day and Night"

with Flip Humble.

- Thanks, Flip.

Welcome to polka hell.

- What happens if no one guesses the combination?

- I'll die in these chains before I take them off.

And this polka record

will keep playing till the bitter end.

But don't worry, Flip.

I'm sure some moron out there will get it.

- I'm gonna win that convertible.

- Peanut!

If you don't turn off that stupid polka music,

I'm gonna go bug-eyed crazy!

- Thanks, darling.

(polka music playing over radio)

God damn.

Grits!

Why don't you get a haircut?

- Hey, good buddy.

This is Peanut over at Peanut's Truck Stop,

open 24 hours, just like you.

(feedback whining)

(all shouting)

- Peanut, what are you doing, a commercial?

Turn down your radio.

Thank you.

Now give me a combination.

- 16 right.

Four left.

38 right.

♪ Now I am so happy on my little farm ♪

(Dan sighs)

- No.

No, sorry, Peanut.

We're still locked in here.

Look, people, I have time for just a few more hopeful calls.

- Dan, your last job in radio

got you in a lot of trouble.

What on earth were you thinking

when you broadcast that live sexual encounter

between yourself and, uh, KLSO's Drive Time

traffic reporter police sergeant Paula Day?

- Like I told the FCC, Flip,

it was an accident.

- A rear ender, as I recall.

- Bumper to bumper, Flip.

(Flip chuckling)

I was doing a little shoulder work on the sergeant,

and she rolled over, and hit the On Air switch,

and the rest is radio history, Flip.

Excuse me a minute, Flip,

I better take a few more calls.

(band playing discordant music)

- Bunny, your colleagues are being very patient here,

practicing after hours to help you get your part down.

The least you could do is give us your undivided attention.

- Just a minute, Mr. Baker,

this is really important.

(polka music playing)

Hello?

Dan?

This is Bunny Bonner of the Pahoota Panthers.

- You sound like a real airhead, Bunny.

Can you give me three numbers, Bunny?

- How about 36, 22, 34?

- You sound more interesting than I thought there, Bunny.

(chains rattle) (Dan sighs)

But no.

No Sukiyama convertible for you, Bunny.

Sorry.

Flip, give me three numbers.

- Me? - Yeah, yeah, you.

Why not?

- Well, for some reason the numbers,

uh, a one, and a two, and a three

come to mind.

- One, two, three.

(polka music blaring)

(lock clicks)

(Dan laughing)

I don't believe this!

- It opened?

- One, two, three.

Why didn't anybody think of that before?

- You mean I win the car?

- Nature calls, everybody.

I'm taking off the restraints now.

(Dan whoops)

I'm no longer chained to the wall!

I can reach the old KDUL AM turntable

where the last polka recording on earth

has been playing nonstop

for 20 hours and 14 minutes.

(Dan whoops) (record stops)

Ladies and good gentlemen,

you'll never hear another tuba horn

on this frequency again.

Cable world network star Flip Humble did it.

The all-polka format of KDUL AM is dead!

Dangerous Dan O'Dare is on the loose,

and super station 66 is on the air.

(Dan whoops)

(upbeat rock music playing)

- Well, this turned out to be a lucky interview

for you, Flip.

- Yeah, pretty amazing, huh? (chuckling)

- Yes.

But, of course, knowing you as I do,

you'll probably want to donate that car to charity

to avoid any appearance of impropriety.

- Time to cut to the news, Lisa.

In our Late Late segment,

tonight we're going to spend a half hour

with Dan O'Dare as he continues his marathon.

Right now, here's Katrinka Shinkalova

with the world news update.

- The rush of UFO sightings in California

is due to weather balloons,

according to US Department of Defense.

(upbeat rock music playing)

- Great moment in TV history, huh?

- You may think so, Mr. Locknut,

but I am calling the head of programming at CWN,

because I think he needs to know about this scam.

- Scam?

What scam?

(knocking on glass)

- Lisa, I'll be back in a half an hour with burgers.

- Three cheeseburgers and a diet, okay?

- Right, got it.

- I knew there was an angle behind it

when I got this assignment.

This is the sleaziest piece of reverse payola

I've ever seen!

- Payola?

What payola?

- Oh, come on.

You know what I'm talking about.

- No I don't! - Yes, you do!

- No I don't!

- Yes you do.

- Hey, hey wait a minute!

- Keep that tuner at 66, baby,

the only place on the dial where you'll hear-

- [Sound Box] The Dangerous Dan O'Dare Show!

- The only place where we absolutely guarantee-

- [Sound Box] You'll never hear another polka

on this frequency!

- Now let's take a little break, ladies and gentlemen.

I gotta go see a man about a dog.

How about-

- [Sound Box] Six hits in a row

on Super Station 66!

- I assure you, Miss Cummings,

that is not the way we operate here at KDUL AM.

- Well I assure you that that is not the way it appears.

- Hey.

What's going on, you guys?

- Well, she was gonna tell me-

- You, ah ah!

You bribed Flip Humble to promote

this stupid marathon on CWN.

You rigged the contest.

Ah.

- Lisa, wait!

- Hey, where you going?

- Lisa, wait.

(Lisa groaning)

Lisa, come on, listen.

- Look, nobody's gonna be shocked

by anything you do, Mr. O'Dare.

But I have my own reputation, my own ethics.

I will not allow myself to be implicated

in this patently dishonest promotion.

- You think I wanted Flip to win that car?

The chains and polka schtick was good

for another 24 hours.

Look.

I've-I've done some stupid things.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.

And that's why I'm out here in the middle of nowhere.

But this is my one chance to start over.

You know, and I'm not gonna blow that

for Flip Humble or anybody.

- Well if you and Flip are up to something shady,

at least it backfired on you.

- So the Late Late interview's still on?

- Okay.

But if I find out this contest was rigged,

I'm going straight to the FCC.

- May lightning strike me if I'm lying.

(Lisa chuckles)

(UFO whirring)

- Look!

(tense music)

It's incredible!

- What?

- Come on, over there!

It was like spinning colored lights coming down

right over you.

(sighs) It's gone.

- What's gone?

- The UFO.

- Oh.

- We just got buzzed by a UFO.

- No. - I've gotta go get my camera!

- Maybe it was some Air Force deal, or something.

- Oh yeah, Air Force from another planet!

Oh Jesus, this is great! (police sirens sounding)

A real story!

I'm right in the middle of it!

Yes!

(Lisa cheering)

Yeah!

Great!

- [Vernon] Sheriff Hickman, what are you doing here?

Is-is there something wrong?

- Sheriff!

Lisa Cummings, CWN News, Sheriff.

It's a UFO.

I saw it with my own two eyes.

- Vernon, how do you like that?

We got a UFO right here in Pahoota.

And, uh, I'm sure you have a witness for this?

- Right here.

- Sheriff, this is my star personality,

and he's gotta get back inside and on the air.

- And you saw this, uh, UFO?

- Uh, no.

Not me.

- What?

You were standing right next to me.

- Well sorry, I didn't see it.

- Yes he did.

- Now Miss Cummings, I hope that you'll be

as responsible as this gentleman,

and won't start spreading rumors

and creating a panic.

- As responsible as Bumper to Bumper O'Dare?

- [Officer Over Radio] Sheriff Hickman, you read me?

We got some kinda trouble out at Nut Creek.

- How could you say you didn't see it?

- Because I didn't!

And besides, I don't believe in UFOs.

- [Officer Over Radio] Weird lights out that way!

- Sounds like a lot of people are seeing things tonight.

I'm by the sub station now.

I'll go check it out.

- Sheriff, I know it sounds crazy,

but I could take you to the spot.

- Why don't you just stay here on this little spot,

and you watch those UFO's?

I got work to do.

(Lisa sighs)

Oh, and Vernon.

I'm going to be really ticked off

if I find out this is just a publicity stunt.

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Lisa, wait.

Uh, what about my 30 minute interview?

- I'm gonna miss the biggest story in history

to do a puff piece on a DJ?

Maybe you can buy Flip Humble with a car, Dan,

but you can't buy me at any price.

(Dan laughs)

- Okay, all right.

So I promised Flip a car to get on the program-

- Oh, I knew it! - But there's a reason!

- Why didn't you say so? - There's a reason-

- How dare you? - Can I tell you the reason?

- Well, please do!

- Because, not for ratings.

It-it was because,

it was because he-he promised to send you,

and I wanted to meet you.

(Lisa scoffs)

- That is such a load of crap!

And with everything I've ever heard about you,

I consider that an insult.

- Okay.

(Dan inhales)

Okay.

Who needs your stupid cable network anyway?

I'm gonna give you a lesson

in the power of radio, lady.

By the time this is over,

you're gonna be begging me for an interview.

(Lisa exhales)

(slams door)

- Would you hurry up?

Come on now, we've got a show to do.

Let's go.

(van engine starting)

(Vernon knocks on door)

Dan?

(dog barking)

(ominous rock music)

(motorbike engine rumbling)

(tense suspenseful music)

(driver screaming) (laser blasts)

(casual rock music)

- Dan O'Dare back with you

in all new clear channel super station 66,

and I gotta tell you, it sure feels good

to be out of those chains, but hey,

don't you miss that polka?

(canned boos and groans playing)

Let's take some calls on our national phone lines.

You're on super station 66.

- [Caller 3] Yeah, Dan, did that cable TV jerk

really win the car?

- What a coincidence, huh?

On live TV, right there in front of everybody.

- [Caller 3] Looked a little bogus to me.

- Yeah.

Well, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

Where you calling from?

- [Caller 4] Marshall, Texas.

What time's that interview on CWN tonight, Dan?

I want Flip to make me believe

that deal wasn't rigged.

- Another conspiracy theorist.

Did Flip Humble win that car fair and square,

or was Flip Humble the second gun man in the grassy knoll?

Did Flip Humble sabotage Buddy Holly's plane?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to tell you

that that live 30 minute interview on the Late Late segment

of Flip Humble's show has suddenly been pre-empted.

Miss Cummings suddenly decided

that she had some late breaking news to cover

and canceled the interview,

and wait til you hear what the breaking news is.

She saw a UFO.

(gong chiming)

Yoo-hoo, Lisa.

Lisa Cummings.

If you're listening to the Dan O'Chan show,

I want to remind you of ancient Chinese proverb.

Woman who chase after little green men

have to settle for little green pecker.

(Lisa scoffs) (Dan laughing)

- God, that was funny.

Oh, that was funny, Dan O'Dare.

(tense music)

- I could, I could, I couldn't. (sobbing)

I couldn't tell what it was, it was so bright!

- Willis, it's me Sheriff Hickson-

- Lord have mercy!

Don't let them take me away!

(Willis sobbing) - Tell me what happened.

- I was so frightened, I couldn't see!

All I saw was this light.

I was blind- - Oh my god, what happened?

- Something or someone assaulted Willis.

- It poked me with some kind of rod, or something.

It was weird!

Lights, noise.

A flying saucer!

- Miss Cummings, will you get that camera out of here?

- I'm sorry, Sheriff.

The public has a right to hear this story.

- Well, the public will just have to wait

until after my investigation.

(Lisa sighs)

- All right, but don't forget, I saw this too.

I'm not just an outsider here, Sheriff.

I saw it, too.

- Willis, when all this happened,

before you went unconscious,

(Willis whimpering)

did this person, or-or thing,

or whatever it was,

did he bang you on the head?

- It didn't bang me on the head, I told you!

It poked me with some kind of rod or something,

right here in my chest!

(Willis screaming) (Lisa gasps)

(fungus sizzling)

- Where's that guys with my burgers?

Sheesh!

My cheeseburgers.

Where's my diet?

(rock music playing)

- You cannot do this, Dan.

It is not a good idea to pick a fight with Flip Humble

and the whole gosh darn cable world network.

- Flip Schmip, are you kidding me?

Look at these phone lines.

I could build the rest of the marathon around it.

Want some?

- I'm going out for a few hours.

Do me a favor, and make sure he doesn't say anything

that puts me into a lawsuit.

- Hey, I'm an engineer, not an attorney.

I got three cheeseburgers here with lettuce and tomato.

You want one?

- No.

Lettuce and tomato are far too healthy.

I'm all set.

- Great, I'll take care of them.

(crickets chirping) (ominous music)

- [Dan] Be careful America.

You're listening to Dangerous Dan O'Dare

on super station 66.

- Dan?

This is Peanut again.

Uh listen, this might sound a little kooky,

but there's two truckers in here

that swear they saw a flying saucer

circling over Pahoota tonight.

- The entire populous of Pahoota is out there tonight,

ladies and gentlemen.

We got truckers seeing UFOs.

(canned laughter plays)

Bunny's boyfriend, the entire Pahoota football team,

saw a UFO.

(canned laughter plays)

And CWN's puff piece correspondent,

the distinguished Lisa Cummings,

she's out there with his royal majesty,

Sheriff Earl Hickman.

They've not only seen a UFO,

why they're chasing one!

(canned laughter plays)

But it doesn't surprise me, Corky,

because I always knew that the first place

that visitors from another planet

would wanna hit when they finally got to earth

would be Pahoota!

Home of-

- [Sound Box] Super station 66!

(eerie music playing)

66! 66! 66!

- What the hell's going on?

- I don't know, maybe it's an earthquake or something.

Holy shit!

(equipment sparks and explodes)

Don't panic, I'll fix it!

(electricity zapping)

(Dan rattles equipment)

We're on the air!

- Ladies and gentlemen,

we're experiencing some technical difficulties.

Please stand by.

(tense dramatic music) (equipment sparking)

- Okay!

I got it.

I got it under control.

(Dan sighs)

- Nothing but the best for Vernon L. Locknut, eh Cork?

(creature growling)

What the fuck?

(door blasts open)

(door crashes)

Jesus Christ!

(dark rock music)

What the hell?

(alien growls)

- Hey pal, this is private property,

and you're gonna have to pay for that door!

- Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you can still hear me!

There's something very strange happening down here

at our super station studios,

and if this is a joke, I can tell you,

we don't think it's very funny.

- It's not very funny!

- Do something, Corky!

- Well what do you want me to do?

- I don't know, hit it with something!

- Mr. Locknut is gonna shit!

Oh my god, look at that, look at that!

A real live robot!

(Corky screams) - It's coming at us!

Somebody call the cops! - Help!

- (screams) Call the cops! - Help!

Help!

(Willis screaming)

- [Willis] It's all over my body!

It's like pea soup! - Okay!

- Oh god, oh god!

I have cooties!

Oh my god, help me!

Oh my god!

Oh, my bones can't take anymore!

Okay, okay, okay!

- Look, Flip, I don't know what's going on.

That's exactly what I'm trying to find out, for god's sake.

Just get off my back, will you Flip?

I'm at the hospital and I'm going in.

- (panting) No, get away from me!

No!

(Willis screaming)

- Will you listen, dammit?

Moon has disappeared.

I'm all by myself here, working on what could be

the biggest story in history, Flip.

Send me another crew before the networks get here

and blow us out of the water.

- [Flip] Lisa come on.

If you want to keep your job,

you'll find Moon and be ready

with the live interview for the morning segment.

(Lisa sighs)

(Willis screaming)

- [Dan] Please contact Sheriff Earl Hickman at once!

We need assistance!

- 911, help! - Look at that thing!

Looks like some kind of weapon.

- A weapon! - He's raising it.

Pointing it at us!

(both screaming)

- Help!

Help us! (Dan screaming)

Oh my god, help me!

Help!

(electricity whirring)

(radio frequency garbling)

- [Dan] What's he doing?

- Ah!

What are you doing here?

- I'm sorry, miss.

Excuse me, it's important.

I-I just need to listen to this.

- [Dan] Ladies and gentlemen,

I know this sounds crazy,

but the super station studios have been taken over

by creatures from another planet.

(tense ominous music)

Nothing would sound better right now than some sirens.

- Yeah man, come on. - Come on, you guys!

Let's go!

- [Corky] We need some help in here, man!

- The big one's got a space suit,

like this big, bumpy head,

it looks like a turd with a porthole window.

(Ginger laughs)

- There's this little rusty robot,

and I can see his brain, man! (groans)

(robot whirring)

- Corky and I are going to go in for a better look.

(tense music) (robot whirring)

The big one.

The big one's putting something on the console.

It-it looks like,

it looks like a bomb.

(Dan and Corky screaming)

(laser zapping)

(Dan and Corky screaming)

- (laughing) Can you believe this guy?

What a maniac! (giggles)

(soft music playing) (tissue squelching)

- Well, we'll have to run some tests to be sure,

but it looks like the nastiest case of Tinea Cruris

I've ever seen.

- Tin-Tinea Cruris?

- Mm-hmm.

Commonly known as jock itch.

- Doctor, give me a call when you get the results,

and be careful about what you say.

There's some reporter from cable world news

hanging around here.

Whatever you do, don't let her get near Willis.

- [Announcer Over PA] Calling Dr. Howard,

Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.

Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.

- When can I interview Willis, Sheriff?

- He's under sedation.

- What about reports of other sightings?

- We'll check on everything in due time.

Right now, I'm going home to bed.

(Lisa sighs)

- Sheriff!

Sheriff!

Okay look, Sheriff.

Off the record, is there anything else you can tell me?

- Right now, I'm operating under the theory

that someone's having fun at the public's expense.

- But I saw it.

- Lights, just lights, Miss Cummings.

Weird lights in the sky doesn't mean

that we're being invaded by flying saucers.

- But my cameraman has disappeared.

What about him?

- If he's got any sense, he's checked himself into a motel,

which is exactly what I suggest you do.

(Lisa scoffs)

- I'm not leaving here until I get that interview

with Willis, Sheriff!

- Suit yourself, but when you find out what his problem is,

I think you're gonna be disappointed.

(engine starts) (dark tense music)

(equipment hissing) (aliens breathing heavily)

(robot sniffing) (mechanical beeping)

(robot sniffs)

- Jesus!

Corky! - What?

- Corky, wake up! - What happened?

- Come on, Corky.

We gotta hide.

(alien growling)

- Jesus Christ.

Look what they've done to my studio!

My transmitter!

It, (groans), it's burning up,

but I-I can't turn it off!

(bangs on phone)

- Oh, phone's dead.

People, this is Dan O'Dare.

(alien squelching)

I don't know if we're still on the air,

everything in the studio,

all the equipment, everything is covered

in this weird, green, fungus-like stuff.

Even the door,

the door's covered in fungus.

Corky and I are locked in here.

We can't get out.

The alien, and the robot,

just a few feet away.

Totally preoccupied with some weird equipment

that they have with them.

Just a minute ago,

they zapped me and Corky.

Now they're totally ignoring us.

This phone is lit up.

I'm gonna try and contact the outside world.

Ah, thank god the phone's working,

- [Caller 5] Hey, great show Dan!

- You can hear me?

We're still on the air?

- Talk to them!

Tell them, tell them we need help!

- Okay, well listen.

This isn't a show anymore, okay?

We desperately need help here.

- [Caller 5] Not much I can do for you in Nebraska,

Dan, but if you're free on Saturday night, I'd sure-

- Hello? - Way to go, Dan-

- Hello? - Hi, I love you-

- Hello? - This is great, Dan!

- Hello?

- You just turned off all the blinkers.

We're still on full power.

- Hello? - We're on the air.

- [Dan] Hello people, somebody, please call the cops!

Call Sheriff Hickman- (robot squeaks)

(alien growls) I don't care!

Just hang up the phone so I can get a line out.

- [Caller 6] We love your show!

- They don't believe me.

They think, they think this is just a big joke.

- Oh, come on.

- I can't even get a line out to call 911.

Corky.

Corky, you talk to them.

They don't believe me, maybe they'll believe you.

- Hello, hello out there.

This is Corky Bradford,

the-the chief engineer at KDUL.

Mayday, mayday!

We're in trouble up here, folks!

Father Flanagan, if you're listening,

I promise I'm not lying this time!

I'll never drink another beer!

I'll never look at another girlie magazine.

- Corky, Corky, wait.

What the hell are they doing?

(alien growling) (robot beeping)

(electricity crackling)

- This son of a bitch is crazier

than a tree full of owls!

(all shushing)

- The big one was just punishing the robot.

And whatever they're doing, it's intense.

(alien growling)

I'm going in for a closer look.

(tense foreboding music)

(robot beeping) (alien growling)

(exciting rock music playing)

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Soul searching for the truth ♪

♪ Stranded on a ship of fools ♪

♪ Tempest tossed on a sea of lies ♪

♪ Who's making up these rules ♪

♪ A false promise, a dirty deal ♪

♪ You'll do anything for power ♪

♪ But you're cut off from everything real ♪

♪ In your ivory tower ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ The whole world's turning to greed ♪

♪ And lust ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ It's them or us ♪

♪ Believe what you want ♪

♪ But don't put your trust in blind faith ♪

♪ Time after time, it's a crime ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ When the blind lead the blind ♪

- Hey, what's going on?

♪ So don't put your trust in blind faith ♪

♪ Lies lead to lies every time ♪

♪ And it's all in your mind ♪

- Hey, what's the matter with Cookie?

- Hey, what's wrong with her?

♪ Beware of sleeping dogs ♪

♪ They run with every pack ♪

♪ Well, they'll lie right to your face ♪

♪ And stab you in the back ♪

♪ They only want to hide the truth ♪

♪ And dig you deeper in the holes ♪

♪ You better look before you leap ♪

♪ 'Cause you can't trust a soul ♪

♪ Well, they'd never believe you ♪

♪ They just want to deceive you ♪

♪ Ain't no rhyme or reason ♪

♪ Just don't get taken for a fool ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

(all murmuring)

♪ Time after time, it's a crime ♪

♪ The blind lead the blind ♪

♪ Don't put your trust in blind faith ♪

♪ Lies lead to lies every time ♪

♪ Well, it's all in your mind ♪

♪ It's all in your mind ♪

(air whooshes)

(all shouting) - Where did she go?

(lightning zapping)

♪ The blind lead the blind ♪

(tense ominous music) (alien growling)

(air whooshes)

(Cookie pants)

(metallic clinking) (alien growling)

(robot whirring)

- Dan!

Help!

Help!

Help!

- [Dan] Oh my god!

They've got this girl,

they've got a girl in a jar,

a 12-inch tall girl in a jar,

and she just called my name.

People, look people, you've got to believe me,

I-I know this sounds crazy,

but I swear to god, it's true.

- You've got to hear this DJ

on the new radio station, Dr. Payne.

- [Dan] Tell them what you see, Corky.

- [Corky] Oh, man!

- [Dan] Tell them what you see so they believe us.

- [Corky] It's a chick, man!

It's a chick in a bottle!

- [Dan] But it-it's not like any bottle I've ever seen!

It's like the bottle is part of some kind of fungus.

- This is the guy doing the marathon in chains?

- He got out of the chains.

Now he's being held hostage by an alien from another planet.

- I can see the apparatus, I can see the girl.

She looks real.

(tense ominous music) (alien growling)

(Cookie panting)

(alien gibbering)

He's looking at her with,

as if she's some kind of a pet.

- My god, Dan, that's Cookie from Peanut's truck stop!

They shrunk Cookie!

I'm getting out of here!

- No, no, Corky! - Help!

Let me out of here!

Let me out of here!

Let me out! (alien growling)

Let me out of here!

Somebody open the door!

Help!

Help!

- Corky!

(alien growling)

- Get away!

Get away!

Get away!

(Corky screaming) (electricity zapping)

- No, Corky!

(alien growling)

(upbeat rock music playing)

I'll just be, um.

(Dan clears throat)

(robot chattering)

(Ginger laughs)

- This is wild, isn't it?

- The guy's a nut.

Get me another swab, would you please?

(Ginger screams) (tense foreboding music)

- What is it?

- The fungus!

- It's reacting to the radio.

- Oh my god!

(fungus squelching)

(police sirens wailing)

- There's the Sheriff. - Go tell him

- Hey.

- Alright Peanut, what is going on here?

- It's Cookie, Sheriff.

She disappeared.

- That's right. - That's right.

- You mean like she ran off?

Like, with a trucker or something?

- No, no. - No.

- No, she disappeared. - That's right.

- Poof, just like that.

- Yeah, that's right.

- One minute she's in there

dancing around like a crazy go-go girl, or something,

and then the next minute, she just vanishes.

- That's right. - Yeah.

- Next thing we know, this crazy DJ on the radio

is saying he's got her over there

in some glass bubble or, something.

- [Trucker 1] That's the god's truth, Sheriff.

- Peanut, if you believe a word that guy says,

then you're a bigger nut than I thought you were.

(truckers murmuring)

- [Officer Over Radio] Sheriff Hickman?

- We all seen it. - We all believe it.

- It was in there. - Sheriff?

You've got a code 11 at Pahoota County Hospital.

- This is Sheriff Earl Hickman.

What is the problem over there?

- [Officer Over Radio] Dr. Payne called.

He said something about a fungus coming out of his radio?

- I'm heading there now.

You locate Mr. Vernon L. Locknut

and tell him to get his butt over to the station right away.

They've caused about all the trouble I'm gonna put up with.

- I didn't know Corky Bradford all that well.

We just met the other day when I showed up here

to do this marathon.

It seems like a long time ago.

(dark tense music)

(Dan sighs)

A little while ago, Corky fought with the aliens,

trying to rescue a 12-inch girl from a-a glass bubble.

He recognized her as the waitress from a local truck stop.

Corky Bradford tried to save that girl.

The aliens killed him

with electrical shock,

then covered him in a hairy green fungus.

Corky Bradford died a hero.

I don't expect to die a hero,

but I don't expect to get out of this situation, either.

Pretty soon, the aliens are gonna start

to play that music again,

and I have this funny feeling

that whatever it is they're doing

with that strange equipment

has something to do with

turning into the people

that are listening to the station.

I think it would be a good idea

if everybody turned off their radios.

I want you to stop listening

to clear channel super station 66.

- Stop listening?

Oh my lord!

What, have you gone nuts?

(car whooshes)

(alien growling) (robot beeping)

- [Bunny] Hi Dan, this is Bunny again.

- Bunny will you get off that phone?

And let's get to work!

- Quiet, Mr. Baker!

I love your show, Dan.

It's really awesome.

- Awesome?

Dammit, Bunny you've got to believe me!

Turn off your radio!

- Well, why would I do a thing like that?

- Because.

(tense ominous music)

Bunny, what are you wearing?

- My favorite black mini,

and the paisley top my boyfriend gave me for my birthday.

- Bunny, are you in a gym or something?

- How did you know that?

- Because the aliens have you in their sights, Bunny!

They're about to snatch you through the air

and shrink you into a glass bubble, Bunny.

Turn off your radio before it's too late!

(dark ominous music) (alien growling)

(mechanical beeping)

(band playing soft rock music)

♪ Alone in my body ♪

♪ Alone in my head ♪

♪ Dreaming of someone ♪

♪ Here in my bed ♪

♪ It feels so real ♪

♪ It nearly drove me insane ♪

♪ My body is different ♪

♪ Racing through my brain ♪

♪ Touching myself again, touching myself again ♪

♪ Hoping she'll be my friend ♪

♪ I'm just touching myself a ♪

♪ My eyes are glass ♪

♪ And I'm looking at you ♪

♪ Alone in this darkness ♪

♪ And you know what I do. ♪

♪ Touching myself again, touching myself again ♪

♪ Hoping she'll be my friend ♪

♪ I'm just touching myself again ♪

♪ Yeah, here I go now ♪

♪ Whoa, look at you ♪

♪ Whoa, here I go ♪

♪ Whoa, oh you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Here I go ♪

♪ Oh, look at you, oh ♪

♪ Here I come, yeah ♪

♪ Alone in my body ♪

♪ Alone in my head ♪

♪ Dreaming of you ♪

♪ Here in my bed ♪

♪ This feels so real ♪

♪ It fills my brains ♪

♪ So I'm ready for it ♪

♪ It's with me again ♪

♪ Here I go again ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Here I go again ♪

(air whooshes)

(all gasping)

(all murmuring)

(dark ominous music) (robot beeping)

(air whooshes)

(Bunny gasping)

(Bunny screams)

(alien gibbering)

(Bunny screaming)

- It's incredible.

The fungus was actually responding

from the sounds coming from this new super station

on the radio.

- Not now, Miss Cummings.

(rock music playing over radio)

(fungus squelching)

(gunshots fires)

- A final item in the news this morning.

Those UFO sightings in California appear to be linked

to a publicity stunt, a stunt that federal authorities

are now investigating.

Flip Humble will have more on this.

I am Katrinka Shinkalova.

- Good morning, and welcome to the morning edition

of "Day and Night" with Flip Humble.

Everybody's talking about Dan O'Dare,

the super station 66 DJ,

who's got the nation rolling in the aisles

with his nonstop marathon UFO hostage monologue.

CWN's Lisa Cummings is live on the scene.

What's going on now, Lisa?

- Well Flip, we are live outside the studios,

and if I'm not always properly framed in the picture,

that's because somehow last night,

in this mysterious set of event unfolding here

in Pahoota, California, my camera man,

Moon Hashimoto, has disappeared.

And the situation here at super station 66

is growing more chaotic with each moment,

and strangely enough, some of the wild crazy things

that Dan O'Dare is saying are actually happening.

UFO sightings, strange, fast-growing molds,

or fungus-like matter, and the baffling disappearance

of local women.

Something's going on here in Pahoota, Flip,

and it is no laughing matter.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on a minute, Lisa.

Are you saying you believe all this UFO nonsense?

- Let's just say maybe so.

I mean-

- Sheriff Earl- - Excuse me!

- Sheriff Earl Hickman here, Flip,

and what we've got here is a hostage situation,

pure and simple.

We believe Dan O'Dare's got one, maybe three people,

held up in there against their will.

Look, this all started out as a silly publicity stunt,

and it's gotten totally out of control,

but I'll guarantee you, we're here to make sure

we get it back under control.

- Okay, let me- - You've gotta help

me out here, please. - What?

- You've gotta do something, Sheriff.

- Let's go.

- He's gone completely bonkers, for god's sake.

(tense music)

He's gonna ruin me!

- What about Cookie?

- Get outta here, Peanut.

- I'm telling you the-the FCC has threatened

to revoke my license.

- How's it going?

- It's no use, Sheriff.

This green stuff seals up as fast as I can cut it.

- There's got to be some other way in.

What about a trap door, or a skylight or something?

- No, nothing!

You're gonna have to break down the door, Sheriff.

- Okay, boys.

Bring in the battering ram.

(exciting rock music)

(banging on door)

- Whoa, wait a minute.

Something's happening outside the door.

Oh my god, I might finally be getting some help here.

(alien growling)

Oh wait a minute, the aliens are onto it.

If-if whosever outside the door can hear me,

don't come in right now!

Don't come in!

Don't come in the door!

If you come in the door right now, you will be killed!

- That does it, he's broadcasting death threats!

- What?

- How's that door coming?

- Giving it hell, Sheriff!

(banging on door) (both grunting)

(fungus squelches) - (screams) Look out!

(both screaming)

- How far away is Pahoota?

- Why?

Do you want to go there?

- Lisa Cummings has lost her objectivity, if not her mind.

I wanna be there when they drag Dan O'Dare

outta that studio.

- You could make it for the Late Late segment but, uh,

do you think it's worth it?

- Worth it?

That lunatic owes me a Sukiyama convertible.

I'm getting the keys to that sucker

before they throw his ass in jail.

(people chatting) (birds chirping)

(robot beeping)

(alien growling)

- I'm moving in for a closer look.

There must be some way to free these captive women.

- Help! - Help!

(robot beeping)

(alien growls)

(frequency humming)

Shit!

People, they're getting ready to do it again.

Turn off your radios, people.

They're doing it again!

This fungus, it somehow enables them to see people

who are listening to this frequency.

I'm looking directly into the viewfinder right now,

and I see a girl, a very, very pretty girl.

You're a-a nurse or something, right?

You're listening to me, aren't you?

Okay, well turn off your radio.

Don't you understand?

They tune in on girls who are listening to the Danger Man.

Collecting beautiful women

over clear channel 66.

Turn off your radio!

Turn it off now before it's too late!

(dark ominous music)

- Hi kids, it's the Captain Happy Show

starring me, Captain Happy!

Let me get out my magic mirror.

I see Bobby, I see Susie, I see Billy.

(band playing upbeat rock music)

♪ Filled with joy this time of season ♪

♪ I'm always happy for no reason ♪

♪ The big red sun's shining down on me ♪

♪ This sweet little dirge of a melody ♪

♪ I love to run up to the fields ♪

♪ And tippy-toe through the daffodils ♪

♪ Mr. Butterfly, will you be my friend ♪

♪ Let me capture you in my little net ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy, they're so happy, we're so happy ♪

♪ You are too ♪

♪ I'm so happy, they're so happy, ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like to be happy too ♪

♪ He's so happy, she's so happy, me's so happy ♪

♪ Are you happy too ♪

♪ I'm so happy, they're so happy ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like to be happy, too ♪

♪ Dandelions are in the air ♪

♪ Great big flowers are everywhere ♪

♪ I love to pick them everyday ♪

♪ Arrange and put them on display ♪

♪ I whirl, I skip, I jump, I prance ♪

♪ My little feet begin to dance ♪

♪ Happily sitting in a tree ♪

♪ A friendly owl, he hoots at me ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

(Mr. Happy wailing)

♪ Go ♪

♪ Grandma knits me a great big sweater ♪

♪ My little life can't get no better ♪

♪ Life's so happy and full of joy ♪

♪ I'm lying ♪

♪ It's really sucks ♪

♪ I'm so happy, I'm so very happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ I really am ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ So perfectly happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪ (air whooshes)

(both gasp)

(monitor beeping) - Mm, mm.

(electricity zapping)

(Ginger panting)

(Ginger screams)

(aliens gibbering)

(Ginger screams)

(crickets chirping) (all murmuring)

- Bunny?

They've got Bunny in there!

- Clear channel or not,

there'll be no more rock and roll

on super station 66.

- We've got to get a line in there.

- We're working on it.

- Well, what's taking so long, gosh darn it?

- We're getting 10,000 calls an hour here, Mr. Locknut.

- Oh my lord!

- Sheriff, my nurse disappeared,

just like the others.

(tense foreboding music)

- Hey wait a second, Doctor!

- Let's go, Sheriff, let's break down that door.

- Cool off, Peanut!

- My god, this is the same fungus.

Its growth accelerates when exposed

to the sound of the station.

- Vernon, were you storing any toxic chemicals

in the studio?

- 10,000 calls an hour?

- Pull the plug on the station, Sheriff.

Cut the power right now!

- What do you mean, pull the plug?

You can't do that, not with those demographics.

This is gonna be the highest rated radio show in history!

- Who cares about your ratings?

This is real, Sheriff!

This is really happening!

- Miss Cummings, don't start on that again.

Dan O'Dare, this is Sheriff Hickman.

I'm gonna give you one last chance, son.

Exit the studio with your hands up.

- Yeah, I hear you, Sheriff.

Glad you're out there.

I hope you've got the Marines with you, buddy,

because I've given it a lot of thought.

Not much anybody can do for me or the ladies.

We're history.

But there is something you can do to make sure

that this never happens to anybody else again.

Destroy it.

Blow the KDUL studio super station 66

off the face of the earth.

I'm gonna make one final plea

to the people who have the phone lines jammed,

please, hang up your phones.

- [Roger] Hey Dan?

This is Roger.

Wow!

I can't believe I finally got through!

I've been on hold forever.

- Get off my phone, Roger.

- [Roger] Your show is really the funniest show

I've ever heard!

Wow!

- Fuck yourself, Roger!

- The F word?

I'm ruined!

- [Roger] I didn't know you could say that on the radio.

- Nothing else I say is doing any good,

so maybe if I use some good old-fashioned obscenity,

you know, some of the four letter babies

that can be used as a noun or a verb,

then maybe, maybe then the White House

will send a couple of them stealth bombers,

because that's what it's gonna take

to stop these creatures!

(Dan exhales)

(phone ringing)

Can you hear me out there, you fucking morons?

- I think we're witnessing

a complete mental breakdown, here.

- Mr. Locknut, or Dan O'Dare?

- Take us off the air, cut the power!

Do something, you dickheads!

- Dickheads?

Great!

- Shut up!

Just shut up, for god's sake!

Just shut up!

- It's too bad about the girls.

What kind of lives would they have had, anyway?

- [All] Help!

Dan!

Help!

- [Dan] 12 inches tall.

- [Cookie] Dan you idiot, help me!

- Bottles for Barbie dolls? (scoffs)

- [Cookie] Help, Dan!

- It's too late for me, too.

- [Cookie] Help me!

Help!

Help me!

- I've been infected with the alien fungus.

I'm gonna go look for a weapon,

make one final try for freedom.

(determined music)

(Germosol spraying)

Hold the presses, ladies and gentlemen.

There's something happening here,

and it might be good news for the Danger Man!

I just sprayed the alien fungus with Germosol.

It's receding.

(fungus squelching)

I'm gonna try some of this on Corky,

see if I can spring him from this fungus cocoon.

(Geromosol spraying)

(alarm beeping) (alien growling)

(fungus sizzling)

This is amazing, people.

The Germosol is killing the alien fungus.

(alien gibbering) (robot beeping)

Eat this, scrotum head!

(spraying Germosal)

(alien roaring)

(Dan whooping)

Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to super station 66

where Dangerous Dan O'Dare is now killing the alien!

(Dan whooping)

(alien growling)

Whoop!

(alien growling)

Uh-oh.

Looks like the Danger Man spoke a little too soon.

(can clatters)

Okay, alright I'm sorry!

I'm sorry!

Okay, all right!

(alien gibbering)

What?

What?

(alien growls)

This?

What?

Oh you want, you want me to speak?

You want me to speak?

All right, I'm speaking.

I'm speaking! (alien growls)

I'm speaking, okay?

La, la, la, la, la, I'm speaking, I'm speaking.

Ah, hello, hello,

(tense foreboding music)

Oh my god, they're getting ready to snatch another girl.

I can see the people outside the KDUL studios.

Lisa!

Lisa, I see Lisa Cummings!

Lisa, I'm sorry!

You were right!

Lisa, don't listen!

(robot beeping)

Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, wait a minute,

I'm seeing something here.

When I speak, I can see you all loud and clear.

But when I let our signal fade,

the images fade.

Aliens are using my voice to aim their machinery.

(alien growls)

Sorry, sorry, sorry!

(laser blasts) (Dan yelps)

Shit!

Lisa!

Lisa, don't listen!

Lisa, cover your ears!

No, Lisa! (robot beeping)

- Golly!

That's Lisa Cummings!

Miss Cummings? (Lisa gasps)

Can I have your autograph?

(air whooshes) (Lisa screams)

(robot beeping)

(alien growling)

(electricity zapping)

(robot beeping)

Bunny!

- Oh!

- They missed Lisa and got some goofy-looking guy instead!

(alien growls) (tense ominous music)

(robot beeping) (alien chattering)

(electricity zapping) (robot squealing)

(robot explodes)

(metal clattering) (alien growling)

He just blew up his own robot!

Man, this dude is fucked!

(air whooshes) (Lisa gasps)

- What's it like in there?

What happened?

- Bunny!

(women shrieking)

- The process is reversible.

Lisa.

Lisa, they're doing it again!

Lisa, they're going after you!

Cover your ears, Lisa!

(electricity zaps)

(electricity zapping)

Lisa!

- Dan!

- No!

(alien growling) (electricity whirring)

(thumping alien on head)

- Stand back, people.

- Back off, fella.

- Flip Humble, CWN news.

Now where the heck is Lisa Cummings?

- She's inside, sir.

- She made it in?

Dynamite!

Hey, see if you can pick up her feed.

- Right away, right away.

(Dan grunting) (alien growling)

Flip, we are getting a signal from inside.

- Clear the way, people, clear the way.

- Five, four, three,

two, one, you're on.

- Flip Humble coming to you live outside

the super station 66 studios,

where the Dangerous Dan O'Dare marathon

is coming to an exciting end,

as law enforcement authorities

are poised to storm the building,

CWN reporter, Lisa Cummings, gives us this live report

from inside the studio.

Lisa?

- I don't know if anybody can pick this up, but here goes!

This is Lisa Cummings live on the scene.

I'm witnessing a terrible struggle right now.

(Dan screams)

(Dan panting)

- What the hell is this?

(Dan grunting)

- This she calls a transmission?

- You shrunk the wrong chick, dude!

(air hissing)

(alien growling)

(alarm beeps) (explosion booms)

(alien screeching)

Shit!

(alien screams and growls)

(metal clangs)

(Corky grunting)

- Dan, get me outta here!

My god, what is that thing?

(Corky grunts)

(alien screeching)

(Dan grunts)

(alien belches) (Dan groaning)

(women scream)

(machinery whirring)

- Dan!

- Lisa!

- Jesus Christ! (alien shrieks)

(all gasping)

(alien shrieking)

(all scream)

- Quick, take these!

- [Corky] What do you want me to do with this?

- Here, take the Germosol and spray that scum bag.

(alien roaring)

(tense determined music)

All right, ladies.

All right scumbag!

(Dan whooping)

(alien shrieking)

(women shriek)

- [Cookie] Right between the eyes, sucker!

- [Dan] You had to come to Pahoota?

Crazy little guy!

(alien shrieking)

(Lisa yelps)

(alien shrieks) (Corky yelps)

(all yelping)

- Woo, you rat bastard!

(alien shrieking)

(women scream)

(alien shrieking)

(can rattling)

(alien growling)

- [Dan] Oh shit.

- Whoa.

(air whooshes)

(all panting)

- [Dan] Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening

to super station 66, where Dangerous Dan O'Dare

has just conquered the aliens!

Stand back, people.

We're spraying the door now.

Move away from the door.

Woo hoo, it's really working!

(door explodes) (all yelping)

(triumphant exciting music)

(Dan coughing)

(all cheering and clapping)

- You're in trouble now.

- Dan O'Dare.

- Have you gone nuts?

What have you done?

- Cookie!

Cookie!

I was worried sick about you.

- Oh, Peanut.

- Ginger!

(all cheering and clapping)

- We made it! (whoops)

- Dan!

(all cheering)

- The publicity stunt which got out of hand here

at super station 66 is rapidly drawing to a close.

The hostages are free and safe.

Using some kind of explosive device

which was just detonated moments ago,

authorities have finally taken control

over the super station studio.

- Son.

- What?

- You are under arrest.

- Oh, Sheriff!

Would you just look in there?

- Oh my lord, what a mess!

- I can see Dan O'Dare now,

as well as CWN field reporter, Lisa Cummings.

Lisa, Dan, over here.

Flip Humble, CWN news.

Lisa, another job well done,

and as usual, CWN is first on the scene.

What exactly happened in there?

- Well Flip, you will be glad to know

that I got it all on tape.

All you have to do is figure out

how to blow it up!

(Lisa laughs)

- And Dangerous Dan O'Dare,

the bad boy of rock and roll,

what do you have to say for yourself?

- Get that fucking mic outta my face, Flip.

(loud pulsing music)

(UFO whirring)

(Dan laughs)

- Where's Bunny?

- Bunny?

- Help, somebody help!

Help me!

Help, somebody!

Somebody help!

Help!

(upbeat rock music)

♪ Let's do it ♪

♪ This is the groove ♪

♪ That makes cool moves ♪

♪ The dude is dope and he's looking smooth ♪

♪ Burning ♪

♪ With a rubber hub ♪

♪ Buskin' a thousand watts ♪

♪ And the basses are bumpin' hard ♪

♪ To the beat of the street ♪

♪ Cool gets out of his seat ♪

♪ And shuffles his feet ♪

♪ And if you're in the way ♪

♪ You're gonna have to pay ♪

♪ Mr. Cool ♪

♪ He's Mr. Cool and nobody's fool ♪

♪ He's Mr. Cool ♪

♪ Ah, too cool ♪

♪ He spins around with a mighty thrust ♪

♪ He hits the ground ♪

♪ All the girlies lust ♪

♪ Yo, Cool's got style ♪

♪ He can do anything ♪

♪ Reh, no, you, whoa ♪

♪ He's a party king ♪

♪ He thinks he's cool, I think he's lame ♪

♪ His ego feeds off local fame ♪

♪ Big talking jerks, they're all the same ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Mr. Cool ♪

♪ He's Mr. Cool and nobody's fool ♪

♪ He's Mr. Cool ♪

♪ So smooth ♪

♪ He's gotta be ♪

♪ Do you wanna be cool ♪

♪ Mr. Cool ♪

♪ He's Mr. Cool and nobody's fool ♪

♪ He's Mr. Cool ♪

♪ The dude is cool ♪

♪ Tell it like it is ♪

♪ People getting wise ♪

♪ Seeing through his lies ♪

♪ Lying in the street ♪

♪ Like a piece of meat ♪

♪ Rotting in his hell ♪

♪ Checking it out ♪

♪ Mr. Cool ♪

♪ Ooh, he's Mr. Cool and nobody's fool ♪

♪ He's Mr. Cool ♪

♪ That's me ♪

♪ He's gotta be ♪

♪ Do you wanna be cool ♪

♪ Mr. Cool ♪

♪ He's Mr. Cool and nobody's fool ♪

♪ He's Mr. Cool ♪

♪ The dude is cool ♪

♪ You fool ♪