Original subtitles

Okay, now.

Good. All right.

Smile. Okay, one, two, three.

You know, I went to school the first day with Matt, with

Mary, with Simon, with Lucy, and with Ruthie. They must have been big babies.

Yeah, we're men.

Yeah, yeah, we men are headed off to the first day of kindergarten.

Did you tell them to tell me not to go?

Oh, of course not. They wanted Daddy to take them the first day of school,

didn't you guys?

Yeah, we want Daddy.

Come on.

You took Matt and Mary and Lucy and Simon and Ruth. Let me take them.

Okay. All right, I'll see you later.

All right.

Oh,

keys? They're upstairs.

I'll get them.

Well, we don't die.

That's what men do.

Oh, first day of high school.

Excited? No.

Scared? No.

So how are you feeling?

Angry. At Peter?

Because Peter can't help it if his family had to move closer to his dad's

but that duplex is the perfect setup for them. And he'll be around. You'll see.

He's just busy getting settled in. I'm not angry at Peter.

I'm angry at Martin.

Why can't he take me to school?

I'm sure there'll be plenty of other times when he will, but he just got his

license and his car, and he wants to go with his friends.

I could take you.

I'm taking the boys to kindergarten.

No, thanks.

I'll let Kevin and Lucy drop me off. That should be embarrassing enough.

Hi, Mom.

Goodbye.

I'll see you there.

Are those new jeans?

New school clothes. My aunt sent them to me.

Kind of baggy, aren't they?

Yeah, but I promised her I'd wear them, and she thinks they're cool, so she's a

designer. Is there a rule at school about baggy jeans?

Um, I think there'd have to be a lot badger than this to, uh, break any

See ya.

Wow, I hope those don't fall off. That would be embarrassing, huh?

We're ready to go.

Where's Lucy?

Looking for pants.

I don't know what the big deal is. She looks beautiful. She just needs bigger

pants.

You were talking about me, weren't you?

You want your mom to take you shopping for maternity clothes, Lou? She's had a

lot of experience.

Sure. When I need maternity clothes, she can do that. Right now, I'm just fine.

Why?

There's no use putting this off.

Let's go.

Good morning.

I'm going shopping for some things I'll need at school.

Have you heard from Cecilia? How's the vacation going?

I haven't heard from her.

I'm sure you will.

Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Dad, she's been gone like 24 hours.

Yeah, but you two have been so close all summer. We've hardly seen you, so I

know you must miss her.

Bye.

Here you go.

You sure you don't want me to take them? I'm sure. Okay.

They changed their minds. They want you to take them.

I knew it!

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Seven heavens, when I see their happy faces, smiling back at

me.

Seven heavens, I know there's no greater feeling than the love of

family.

Where can you go, when the world don't treat

you right? The answer is home.

7 -7 7 -7

7 -7

Thank you.

Sam, David.

I'm sorry.

Me too. I'm real sorry.

I'm real sorry too.

What happened?

The girl was going to hit him, so I hit her.

Then he cried, so I heard him talk. Then he screamed, so I

decided to run.

Then I ran after him, so the teacher ran after us.

Then we ran faster and faster.

faster. Then she fell down, so we kept on running.

Then we got tired, so we hid in the bathroom.

Then the teacher found us, so she wrote you a letter.

The end.

Hello?

Hi, Mom. Um, This is Georgia. She's a friend of mine from school. I ran into

while I was shopping. I didn't know you were home.

We were just leaving.

Oh, well, it's nice to meet you, Georgia. Could I talk to you in the

room, Simon?

Mom, I'm kind of busy. Oh, it'll only take a sec. Excuse us, Georgia.

Look, I could be wrong here, but it looks as if the two of you were upstairs

you weren't expecting the boys and me to be back so early, and now you're trying

to sneak out of the house.

Yeah, I didn't know the boys got out of school so soon.

That is not the point.

The point is, the point is, well, that is the point. What were you doing

upstairs, and what happened to Cecilia?

She's on vacation.

So you just, what, brought over some other young woman that you know from

and took her upstairs and did what?

Well, that's kind of personal.

How personal?

Mom, I'm a grown man. What I do in my room is... It's personal.

Well, maybe this isn't the time to discuss this. I'd like to wait till your

father gets home and then, you know, sit down and talk about it. About what?

Mom, Georgia and I are over 18 years old. We're adults, okay? I don't feel

sitting down and having a chat with you and Dad about what we are or are not

doing. Are you having sex with Georgia?

You know, Mom, I'm going to plead the Fifth Amendment.

Mom. I need a time out. You know, we'll continue this when your father gets

home.

I'm not sure I understand.

First day of high school, sometimes students... Talk to me.

I think what your father wants to know, and what we all like to know, Ruthie, is

did you have a reason to do that? Maybe you had a bet with someone, or you did

it on a dare?

Was it a dare?

Did someone make you do that? I don't know.

I just did it because I felt like doing it.

Moon!

What are you doing here?

Just visiting.

Did Kevin call you and ask you to fly out here?

No, he didn't.

Since I didn't work at the clinic this summer, I just kind of missed being

Thought I'd visit you, see how you're doing.

How you doing?

I was doing fine until someone started sharing our pregnancy with my brother.

No one is sharing your pregnancy.

But hey, just so you know, a lot of women share more with their husbands.

Sometimes they even drive them crazy with sharing the first few months.

do they? You would know... I'm a doctor.

No, you're not. Not technically, but I do know a lot about pregnancy and

expected mothers.

I've delivered a few babies or help, so if while I'm here you want to talk...

One, I don't have time to talk.

I've got classes. I'm trying to graduate this semester. And two, I don't want to

talk. Well, I'd like to have a word with Kevin, but I don't want to talk to you.

Then talk to Kevin. That's good. You should talk to your husband. Tell him

everything you're feeling. Share your experience with him.

Now I get it.

Now I get it. Kevin called you because I'm not sharing with him.

What? Is that it?

Well, tell Kevin, Mr.

Smarty Doctor Pants, that I don't need him to call my brother and ask him to

talk to me about talking to him because maybe I don't want to talk about every

little moment of my pregnancy.

Okay, it's just that... It's just that what?

I think your pants fell off.

I don't understand why she would do that. But, you know, recent studies of

brain show that... You're probably going to find this very interesting because I

really think this applies here.

The brain of the teenager is actually lacking in development in the area of

brain that makes decisions.

What? It's true.

There's a scientific reason why teenagers sometimes don't connect their

with results.

And that's what keeps them from making rational decisions sometimes.

I don't believe this. You're making excuses for her. I'm not making excuses.

just exploring some possibilities as to what really happened. I know what really

happened. She pants me in front of my friends in a hallway filled with

All because I didn't give her a ride to school.

She just wanted to embarrass me. Okay, but if you followed what I was saying

about the brain, she probably wasn't thinking at all. Just acted on impulse.

And it was childish, and no one saw the humor in it.

And now Ruthie's upset that she did it, and she's embarrassed.

She's embarrassed? What about me?

I mean, I know I'm not your son, but I expected a little sympathy and

understanding.

But hey, maybe your brain's not working either. Maybe your whole family has

brain problems.

Are you ready to call it a day?

Yeah, I am. But unless they let me out of detention, I'm going to be here for

another hour or two.

Every day for the rest of the week.

My day has been bad enough. So just leave me alone, okay?

I left my suitcase.

I didn't want to come back for it without you. No problem.

We'll do the class.

Hi. Aren't you in the wrong house?

We came up here for some privacy.

Sorry. You want privacy?

Get a room.

Maybe we will.

Hi. I'm Simon's brother, Matt.

I'm the one in med school.

Right. Hi, I'm Kevin Kinkirk, married to Simon's sister Lucy. We live here.

Oh, the cop.

Hi. And you are?

I'm Georgia.

Simon and I know each other from school.

Nice to meet you.

But if you don't mind, we'd like to talk to Simon alone.

About? About a lot of things. A lot of things are personal, Matt. A lot of

things are none of your business.

Maybe it's not Kevin's business, but this is my business.

Simon. And this is my apartment, so no offense to anyone, but my apartment, my

business.

Could you just give me a second with Simon? I don't think so, because again,

live here.

What's going on?

Great, there's more of your family.

I forgot my suitcase.

And I forgot to ask you, how long are you in town for?

Two weeks.

Give or take a little.

And are you spending the entire two weeks here with the family?

Well, I was just wondering if you're going to go do something fun, like the

beach or the mountains.

Europe.

Europe doesn't like us right now.

Where's your wife?

At home.

In New York, working.

We can take separate vacations, you know. It's healthy.

They were here when we got here.

Why don't you two guys go outside and talk, since you're big buddies now, and

I'll stay here and talk to Simon and... Oh, this is Georgia.

Hi.

Look, we had nowhere else to go, and...

We didn't think that you'd mind us being up here when you were at class, so it's

not a big deal.

Let's just go.

Not so fast.

I've got something to say about you guys helping yourself to my apartment.

Do you want to end up like this?

Chubby?

Pregnant. Oh.

Oh, well, no.

I didn't think so. Look, we're not going to get pregnant, okay? We were just

talking.

We were.

Save it for mom and dad. You're talking to a pregnant woman, Sonny.

Now get out of here and don't come back ever when Kevin and I aren't home. And

keep your hands off each other until you're married.

Don't worry, we'll be back to school in a couple weeks.

I can't believe I broke up with you.

I'm crazy about you.

I've missed you all so much.

Simon,

this is Celia.

I think those two are having sex. Sam and David, you know, got sent a note

from school. They kicked a girl, made her cry, and then ran away from the

teacher. Isn't Cecilia on vacation?

What is pantsing?

It's not Cecilia.

What?

You go first. I heard the word sex.

Well, I came home from picking Sam and David up from school, and I was reading

this note from their teacher, and I heard footsteps, so I went out to see

was going on, and Simon is there with this girl he brought home from school,

Georgia, and it looks like they've had... You know, upstairs in his room.

And I asked him about it, and he said it was none of my business, that he was a

grown man.

What happened to Cecilia? Did you hear what he said? He said it was none of my

business. My own son said that his life is none of my business. Not just his

life, but his sex life. If he's having sex, then I think he is. A day after his

girlfriend goes on vacation.

Who is he?

I'm going to talk to him.

Yes, please do, and then talk to the twins.

What?

Well, their first day, and...

They're not going back to school again. They want to stay home with Mommy where

it's safe.

What?

Maybe I should have taken them.

Well, you can take them tomorrow. Should be fun.

And what did you say Ruthie did? Something to do with pants?

She pulled Martin's pants down in front of an entire hallway filled with

students.

It's not funny.

No one laughed.

Well, then they don't have a sense of humor.

You know, I hate to say it, but he shouldn't have been wearing those baggy

pants. Well, then why didn't you tell him that? Oh, what's this? It's my fault

too, huh?

No, you know, if he had just given her a ride this morning, this probably would

never have happened. Don't do it.

Don't go there.

Don't blame Martin, because he's already angry with me.

Because? Because he thinks I was more concerned about Ruthie and how she's

feeling than about him and how he's feeling, which isn't true at all. I was

trying to explain that... Go on.

I was just trying to explain to him that Ruthie made a bad decision.

Oh, jeez. Not the teen brain thing again. You can't blame everything on the

brain. It's very real.

Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. It may be real, but it's just turned

into a big excuse. Now every time a teen does something wrong, they can blame it

on their brain. Well, don't you put that idea into Ruthie's head or to Martin's

head.

All right, you've already put it into Martin's head. Well, I will talk to him.

Thanks, but...

I'll talk to Martin, and you can talk to Ruthie. Oh, because let me guess, she's

not talking to you. Where is our daughter, by the way?

Detention. Oh, Eric, detention?

You didn't let her get detention on her first day of high school?

I don't know what you wanted me to do about it. Well, did you give your teen

brain speech to the counselor?

Uh, well, no.

Well, I have a feeling there'll be other opportunities.

Hi.

Hey, can I borrow 50 bucks?

For? Dinner.

I haven't got my last paycheck from Cecilia's father and I want to go out.

Taking the whole family out?

No, just me and Georgia. You saw her outside.

Yes, I saw her. I wasn't introduced, but yeah, I saw her. Saw you both. And my

wife, your mother was wondering, are you having sex?

Dad, I really don't want the credit card charge and I don't want to use my ATM.

Can I?

Just borrow the 50 bucks, please. No. Are you having sex?

I just want to take her to dinner.

So you can have sex?

God, no.

Guys don't have to do that anymore.

Don't have to do what?

Dad, if you want to have sex, you just hook up with a woman, you know?

You don't have to buy her dinner.

Oh. It's not like it was back in the 20s, you know?

The 50 bucks is just for food, okay? It's just food.

It's nothing to do with sex.

Just so you know, she's pitching in her own 50 bucks for her side of the meal.

Try the 60s.

And, yeah.

And, you know, I would... I'd like... Wait.

So it's... It's a $100 dinner?

Are you insane?

You know?

I'd like to take my wife, your mother, out for that kind of dinner. But we

have that kind of money.

That's why... That's why we eat at home.

Oh, and because we're... We spend our money to send you to college.

Dad, I help P for college.

And I have a partial scholarship.

When did you get that?

Um... I applied for it at the end of the school year. I just found out over

summer. And you didn't tell me and your mother because?

Well, I mean, it's not that much money, Dad. It's only like a fourth of my

tuition. A fourth of your tuition is a lot of money.

Were you just going to keep on taking the checks I'm sending you without

me? No, Dad, I was going to tell you.

When? When were you going to tell me? I just told you.

You know what? Forget it. I'm really sorry that I asked, okay? I'll just take

the money out of my savings like I did the last time.

You can just forget about it, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The last time?

You've done this before? When? We drove down a couple of times from school.

I took her to this restaurant on our anniversary and the night I met her

parents, and now we want to go back and just celebrate that we're getting back

together. I don't recall your being here during the school year.

It's because I didn't stop by here.

You went to meet her parents, but you didn't bring her by here to meet your

parents? Her parents wanted to meet me.

Maybe we would have liked to have met her had we known about her.

Dad, I'm young, okay?

I'm gonna have a lot of relationships.

I'm really sorry, but I can't introduce you to all of them. But you drove hours

from school. You were in the neighborhood. You didn't come by here?

Yeah.

Okay.

What about Cecilia? What happened with Cecilia? God, Dad!

No, Simon, I'd love an answer.

And I have a few more questions. Quite a few more questions.

I have a lot of questions. Dozens. Hundreds, maybe.

Can we talk about this later?

No. Sit down.

Please.

I'd rather stand.

You know, it's like you've been avoiding me all summer. You've worked late.

You've gotten up late.

You're off to work before I get home. You've gone all weekend with Cecilia.

Let's talk.

I just want to know what's going on with you, because evidently I've missed a

lot, and right now I feel completely overwhelmed with this new knowledge. So,

come on.

Sit down. Let's sort some of this out.

Hello? Oh, I'm sorry.

I'll be right there.

I have to pick your sister up at school from detention, but I'd like to have

dinner with you and your friend, if you'd like, here. And then later we can

talk, okay, about a lot of things.

And then when, what's her name?

Georgia. All right, when Georgia goes home, then we can talk about Cecilia.

we can talk about you.

You know, you and school, you and money, you and sex.

I don't know, you and life.

Okay? We need to talk.

I guess you've seen all that stuff.

Yeah.

I kind of prefer the mystery rather than the actual photograph.

Hi.

When did you get here? A couple hours ago.

What are you doing here?

Bonding.

Hi.

Hi.

Look, Mom,

I'm not trying to shut you out.

I'm just trying to grow up.

I know you're trying, Simon.

But I can help you with that.

Your dad can help you with that. Your family can help you.

You know, you don't have to do it alone.

You don't have to grow up overnight.

It's a process, a long process.

I know, Mom.

Well, dinner should be ready in about an hour.

Would you mind if I skip dinner tonight?

I'd actually really like to talk to Georgia and have dinner with her. It's

important. Okay, Simon.

I can handle this.

You can go down to the church like you planned. I'm sure you can handle this,

but I think we ought to handle this together since what created this

is our handling this separately.

How many times do I have to say it? I didn't know that you had told him to

home. I didn't know anything about the dinner.

And this is not about what I did or didn't do.

This is about what Simon did.

Eight, nine, ten. Okay, say what you want to say.

We're not going to get anywhere divided, so can't we just stick together as a

team? We're much stronger that way.

Yeah, you say that, but what you really mean is you don't think I can handle

this by myself.

Come on, honey, let's not argue, okay?

You're right, let's not.

Why don't you go talk to Ruthie and I'll talk to Martin?

I think he just walked through here with a tent.

Well? Well, I just wanted to think through what I wanted to say to her

What are you going to say to her?

I know what I'm going to say to her.

I'll go with you.

We're not going to get anywhere divided, so can't we just stick together as a

team? Yeah, well, that's what you say, but what you mean is... Why don't you go

check on Martin in his tent? What happened to that?

Have you seen Kevin and Matt? Well, not since dinner. Weren't they going down to

the pool hall?

Well, that's where they said they were going to be, but they're not down there.

I looked.

Is something wrong?

I don't like the two of them hanging out together. Matt thinks he's a doctor.

Well, he's... Not a doctor.

And he's giving Kevin advice, and Kevin's telling him stuff that he's not

telling me, and if I want anyone to know anything, I will tell them.

Honey. Never mind. I don't have time for this. I've got a paper to write.

But if they do come here, kindly tell my husband to come home.

She's just so overwhelmed, and she won't let anyone help her.

I told her I'd once written a paper like the one she has due, but she didn't

want my help.

That's because it's not about the paper. It's about the baby. But she doesn't

want to admit that. So until she's willing to admit it, no one can help

even me. So why don't I go up and talk to Ruthie? At least that'll make me feel

useful.

If you're looking for Lucy, she's headed for the garage. I'm looking for you.

What are you doing out here?

Matt's home. I'm going to let him have the room to himself.

And I just wanted some time away from everyone.

Does everyone include me?

No offense.

None taken.

Tough being away from your dad for so long, huh?

I'm sorry if I didn't seem concerned about you today. What Ruthie did was

and I know that.

Does she know that?

Oh, of course, yeah. She knows that.

Does she?

She didn't apologize.

I'm sure she will.

You remember your first day of high school, right?

I can see where you're going with this. I guess you can. I mean, I can, but just

so you know...

I'd fall into the same trap with Ruthie even if you were Simon or Matt.

She was the baby in the family for a long time.

It's hard for me as a parent to make that transition to her being a young

And now that I say that out loud, I admit I may be part of the problem of

not seeing herself as a young adult, not taking responsibility for doing what

she did.

And, you know, it's tough for dads and teenage girls.

There I go again. I'm making another excuse. Okay.

What she did was wrong, and she needs to apologize.

Annie's talking to her right now, and she'll probably be out here any minute

set things straight. But in the meantime, I apologize for not supporting

while I was supporting her.

I care about you, Martin.

I think you're a very responsible, reasonable young man.

And we love having you here.

Even if you think we all have problems with our brains.

Yeah, sorry about that.

And thanks. I mean, most of the time I love being here.

And... I really appreciate your letting me stay here.

I just need to be by myself tonight.

Yeah, I'll leave the back door unlocked when I go to bed.

Make you change your mind.

What?

Nothing. I was out in the backyard talking to Martin.

Just thought I'd walk over.

I have a paper to write.

I know, I know.

Still don't want my help?

I'm quite capable of finishing it on my own, but thanks.

You're really something, you know.

Finishing college.

Starting a family.

Wow.

Go on.

I just...

I admire you. Because I'm finishing college and starting a family?

Yeah.

There's a lot to deal with.

Mm -hmm.

How are things with Kevin?

They're fine.

I can handle it okay, being a wife and a student while I'm pregnant.

It's fine. Other students have done it under worse conditions.

Kevin must be a big help.

What has he got to do with it? Well, I mean, he must really be supportive and

helpful.

I mean, he's always been supportive and helpful, right?

I don't think he has anything to do with this. I mean, except for the fun part.

Okay.

I'm doing this myself, by myself.

It's not like he can have the baby for me or finish my degree for me, right?

Well, no, but I do know that he would do anything to help you while you were

having the baby and finishing your degree.

Maybe I don't need him to help me with anything.

I just meant if you ever do need any help.

You think I'm overwhelmed, don't you?

What? You think, oh, poor crazy Lucy got herself pregnant before she got out of

school. Now she's got papers to write, a husband to deal with, and her pants

don't fit.

Well, let me tell you something, Dad.

I'm capable of doing it all. I am capable of finishing my degree, of

baby, of being a wife and a mother.

And I can still find time to fill in where Chandler left off at the church.

Only you can't ask for any help, especially mine, because you still see

over -emotional teenager and you don't take me seriously. Otherwise, you would

have given me Chandler's job when he left.

You think I can't be the associate pastor just because I'm in school and

a baby? Is that what you think?

What?

You must think something like that, otherwise you would have offered me the

Hi, this is Eric Camden.

I was supposed to meet my son and his girlfriend for dinner, and I forgot the

restaurant.

Can you tell me if he's there? Simon? Camden?

You hungry?

Why? Oh, nine o 'clock. Excellent. Excellent. We still have time. Thank

You know, I was thinking that anyone who pays $100 for a meal eats late.

Let's go have dinner with Simon in Georgia.

I'm just getting ready for bed.

Oh, stay up. Come on. Don't you feel like a steak?

I do. I feel like a steak.

And I feel like having dinner with our son and whoever Georgia is.

Let's not wait until he gets home and try to talk to him.

While we're thinking that what we'd really like to do is roll up a newspaper

pummel him, let's go have a steak with him in a neutral setting. It's always

good to be in a neutral setting.

Okay, it's a really good idea, and I like it. But I have bad news for you. I

don't think we have $100.

$40, maybe.

You go change, and I'll find the money.

Okay, partner, let's do it.

Do you think Lucy should go to work at the church as the associate pastor?

She wants to, and I told her I'd think about it.

I don't know.

We can talk about that in the car. Really?

Associate pastor?

Now?

I'm sorry we missed you at the pool hall.

We decided to just drive around instead.

And talk?

Yeah.

You know, I'm sorry if I've been difficult to talk to these past few

I had it in my head that I just needed to kind of stand by and do whatever you

asked. But that was putting you in a position to have to ask, and that was

wrong.

What did you talk about?

Just guy stuff.

How it's difficult, you know, to be a husband.

That difficult.

The difficulties of being a husband.

Not the difficulty.

The challenges.

Yeah, that's it. The challenges of being a good husband.

I just want to be a good husband and a good father.

Challenges like?

Like, I know you have to be scared loose.

Scared about all the changes that are going on.

inside of you, outside of you, and yet you seem to be putting up this brave

front like nothing has changed, like nothing has changed between us.

Everything has changed.

I wish I knew how to get you to talk to me about that, about what you're

feeling.

What about you?

What? This is easy for me, considering what you're doing.

I feel like I'm doing nothing to contribute.

I can't even get you to complain to me.

You talked more when you weren't having a baby.

You complained more when you weren't having a baby.

You cried more when you weren't having a baby.

Isn't this supposed to be a very emotional time for you? Because it seems

it's just an efficient time for you.

You're finishing college and you're having a baby. You're doing it all and

doing nothing.

Couldn't I do something?

You know, something other than what I did?

I just wish you and everyone would stop making such a big deal out of this.

How? How can I stop making such a big deal about this?

It's a big deal. It's the biggest deal ever. And you're just sitting there in

your regular old pants thinking nothing's happening.

Something's happening.

I knew this would come down to my pants. Why are you and my mother so interested

in getting me into big pants?

I will be getting the big pants when I need the big pants.

I got him.

I want the job of associate pastor at my dad's church, and I told him tonight.

You want to take that on now?

You know what you can do?

You can support me on that.

I support you. If that's what you want, I totally support you.

Who called?

I didn't notice.

We have a cancellation for tomorrow, so if you and Kevin want to come in a

couple days early, then four o 'clock is all yours.

I know you're anxious to find out the sex of the baby, so I'm going to put you

down. See you then.

Knock, knock.

Hi, Ruthie.

Look, I regret that... Yeah?

You regret that... I regret that you wouldn't give me a ride my first day of

school. and that you have absolutely no sense of humor.

How'd it go? Fine. I apologize.

Great.

Something's not right. We'll find out tomorrow.

Where are you going?

We're going out to dinner.

It's almost 9 o 'clock. Right, we have to get going. Keep an eye on Ruthie and

the boys. Boys are in bed, and Ruthie can pretty much take care of herself.

I don't mind, but why are you guys going out to dinner at 9 o 'clock when you've

already had dinner? We're going to meet Simon. Yeah, and we have to get going.

Wait, does Simon know you're meeting him?

I thought you two were upset that he was taking this new chick to this expensive

restaurant. It'll be fine.

No, wait, really?

You're just going to surprise him? Yes, we're going to surprise him.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking that I told Simon I'd like him to have dinner with us because we'd

like to talk, and since he didn't have dinner here, we'll have dinner there.

can't do that.

I mean, you don't want to do that, do you? We do.

Don't we?

No, you don't. I know why you're upset with him.

I mean, besides not showing up for dinner and talking to you, I saw them.

They're either having sex or they're thinking about having sex, and you can't

stop them.

Well, excuse me for being the eternal optimist, but I think that this is a

creative and kind of lighthearted way of doing exactly that, stopping them.

Dad, you know the statistics.

You know how many guys Simon's age are having sex?

My advice to you, and not as your son, but as a doctor who deals with pregnant

women day in and day out, is talk to him about responsible sex and buy him a

pack of condoms.

We appreciate your advice, but... We have to go.

This is a mistake, a big mistake.