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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:06,214 Look at all these people just sitting here, not tipping, working on their computers. 2 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:10,593 This guy has a brand new Apple, I've been eating the same apple for a week. 3 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,387 I blame Steve Jobs. 4 00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:16,141 These people are more like Steve "I Have No" Jobs. 5 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:17,893 All right, that's it. 6 00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:21,856 Earl, I need to get the wireless router. 7 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:23,983 Oh, is that what this is? 8 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:27,236 I thought it was a cookie warmer. 9 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:31,030 Attention deadbeat diners. 10 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,868 You can't just sit here all night and only order coffee. 11 00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,911 This is not a Starbucks. 12 00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:40,124 And I know that because we don't sell Norah Jones CDs or bananas. 13 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,668 This is the router for the free Wi-Fi. 14 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,546 And that is a waitress who needs to make some tips. 15 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,966 Seriously, guys, I need actual cash. 16 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:51,426 This guy just offered to pay me in ideas. 17 00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:54,597 If I pull this plug, the Internet will go down. 18 00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:58,433 You, that sad e-mail you're in the middle of writing to your ex-boyfriend... 19 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,311 ...the one you shouldn't send anyway? Gone. And you. 20 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,396 That vaguely pornographic anime film... 21 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,567 ...you've been illegally downloading for three hours? Gone. 22 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,694 You, that screenplay you've been writing? 23 00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:11,655 You can keep working on it, but we all know how it ends... 24 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,115 ...with you moving back in with your mother. 25 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:15,909 Now, who's gonna order? 26 00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:21,373 Great, I'll go get some menus. Here, Caroline, put this back. 27 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:24,960 Ooh, my cookie warmer. 28 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,643 You're crazy. 29 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,521 Table 10 just ordered cocktails. 30 00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:46,439 Yeah, because we're that kind of a place. 31 00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:49,527 Does anybody know how to make Sex on the Beach? 32 00:01:49,692 --> 00:01:53,030 Easy. I put on my Speedo and wait. 33 00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:00,120 Those girls have been drinking for hours. 34 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,873 Just press every button on the gun and add rum. 35 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:09,879 Look at them. Not a care in the world. Having a great time. 36 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:11,507 -I hate them. -I hate them too. 37 00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:14,467 -I hate them more. So jealous. -I hate that you hate them more. 38 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:26,479 Okay, ready for party of four. 39 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,274 Excuse me. Pardon me. 40 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:32,026 Excuse me. Okay. Excuse me. 41 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,198 Hey, baby. Looking good. 42 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:40,034 Always. I'll be in my booth. 43 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,665 Sophie, you cannot take up a whole booth alone. 44 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,627 There are people waiting. You must leave. 45 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:52,423 Go stand in the corner now. 46 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:03,600 Before I bend you across my knee and spank you in front of the whole class. 47 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:09,439 Well, I was going to stand in the corner anyway. 48 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:11,859 But tomorrow night, smaller table. 49 00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:15,905 Go stand in the corner now. 50 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,866 Okay, I'm over being jealous of them. 51 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:25,955 Still? What are they, sitting on vibrators? 52 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:34,798 Let it go. They're not having that good of a time. 53 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,134 No, Max, we're not having that good of a time. 54 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,055 All we do is work. When's the last time we took a day and just had fun? 55 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,644 Those idiots remind me how much fun it was... 56 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,604 ...when I'd go and have cocktails with my girlfriends... 57 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,066 ...and watch them pretend to eat. 58 00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:55,485 I think you're talking about day drinking and I think I like it. 59 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,072 All right, let's do something fun. 60 00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:02,784 I'll put on my bolo tie and my best vest and take my girl out to eat. 61 00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:08,289 So, what is this lunch spot you're taking me to? 62 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:12,086 Is it French? Do you think the chef will send an amuse-bouche to the table? 63 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:16,757 No. But this morning I shaved a smiley face into my "bouche" and it's very amusing. 64 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:21,177 It's just so fun to get dressed up and have someone wait on us for a change. 65 00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:24,348 I even bought new panty hose from "Du-anne Ree-aday." 66 00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,809 You mean "Duane Reade"? 67 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,853 Oh, is that how you pronounce it? 68 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:34,483 -Well, we're here. Better get in line. -Oh, there's a line. Popular place. 69 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:35,858 What's the name? 70 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,653 "Soup Kitchen." 71 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,862 That's a cute name. Very Williamsburg. 72 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:43,533 Like, "Take our upscale bistro, make it seem like it's a soup kitchen... 73 00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:47,204 ...open to everyone, but it's not really a soup kitchen." 74 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,665 Oh, that's nice, they let them use the bathroom. 75 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,002 And sit at a table. 76 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:58,132 Oh, my God, this is really a soup kitchen. This is your idea of treating me to lunch? 77 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,468 -We're not homeless. -No, but we are soupless. 78 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,887 And it's not just homeless people who eat here. 79 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,725 Okay, maybe they're the target audience. 80 00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:13,105 Look, there's a lot of other people who can't afford to go out to eat. 81 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,649 You're right. Why are there so many hipsters here? 82 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,444 This place isn't just for people who don't have jobs... 83 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,821 ...it's for people who don't want them. 84 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,865 Well, it does smell good. 85 00:05:23,449 --> 00:05:26,076 Excuse me, we'd like to take a look at your lunch menu. 86 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:29,954 Menu changes every day. Also, there is no menu. 87 00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,622 There's like four things. 88 00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:34,043 Oh, okay. So, what do you recommend? 89 00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,211 Oh, what do I recommend? 90 00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:40,923 Uh, don't share needles, and use condoms. But you didn't hear that last one from me. 91 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,261 Are nuns even allowed to be sarcastic? 92 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:48,139 If they are, I have some serious thinking to do about my future. 93 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:55,814 This sloppy joe is the most amazing, terrible thing I've ever eaten. 94 00:05:56,230 --> 00:06:00,276 I love that it's basically pre-chewed, so all you really have to do is swallow. 95 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,990 So good. I used to have these every day when I was a kid. 96 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:08,367 Well, then, I guess your childhood wasn't all that bad. 97 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:12,372 Mm, we couldn't afford the real Manwich mix, so my mom's boyfriend, Dirty Carl... 98 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,875 ...used to bring us leftover meat scraps, then bash them together... 99 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:19,420 ...with old ketchup packets he found in cars at the junkyard. 100 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:23,216 Now I understand why you think this is a nice restaurant. 101 00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:26,845 Have you noticed the more you drink, the better this place gets? 102 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,932 I've noticed the more I drink, the better everything gets. 103 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,891 Why don't we drink every day? 104 00:06:32,391 --> 00:06:34,519 Some of we do. 105 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,396 I'm having a great time. Thank you, Max. 106 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,774 Yesterday, you were so bummed about life... 107 00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,444 ...I thought I'd take you somewhere you'd feel good. 108 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:45,404 Okay, I've been wanting to say this the whole time. 109 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:48,033 I feel like we're the hottest people in this room. 110 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,327 -Is that terrible? -Yes. 111 00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:58,709 Speaking of hot people.... 112 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:04,091 Wait, are we drunk or do we finally have one brain and the same taste in guys? 113 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,427 I don't know, but this is suddenly my new favorite restaurant. 114 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,096 Let's go get ourselves some of that man-wich. 115 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:14,143 I kind of like drunk Caroline way more than the other Caroline. 116 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,019 I kind of like her better too. 117 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:21,149 Ahem. Excuse me, do you know the guy who just came in here? 118 00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,192 -The cute one. -Oh, he's so cute, right? 119 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,947 His name is Andy. He opened the candy store across the way. 120 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:30,617 Shut up. Candy? I love candy. 121 00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:35,288 Question: What would make this day even better? 122 00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,790 -Candy? Ha, ha! -Ha, ha! 123 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,418 You should totally go for the hot guy. 124 00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:43,004 Or you can go for him. Let's think about this. 125 00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:46,341 He's clean and not a drug addict, so he's more my type. 126 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:50,846 Well, he's got a store full of candy and a penis, so he's more my type. 127 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:54,473 You know what? Go for it, you've got dibs. 128 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:57,226 -Oh. That's so nice of you, Max. -Yeah. 129 00:07:57,394 --> 00:08:01,148 And while you're doing him in the back room, I'll be pocketing some candy. 130 00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:04,317 Oh, no. It's closed. 131 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,612 Hey, Max, you know what would be fun? 132 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,322 If we threw that trash can through the front window? 133 00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:11,617 I was gonna say we should leave him a note. 134 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:16,622 -What would be fun about throwing that? -Have you ever done it? It's fun. 135 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,918 Oh, the sign's turned around. He can see us. 136 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,086 -He's smiling at us. -Heh. 137 00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:24,670 Should we go in? 138 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:29,550 If I learned anything as a child, it's when a stranger offers you candy, you say yes. 139 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,847 Hi. We thought the sign said you were closed. 140 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,725 Yeah, I turned it around. I wanted you guys to come in. 141 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,190 Come with me And you'll be 142 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:47,860 In a world of pure imagination 143 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:52,282 If this isn't your thing, I also have some Sabbath and some Beastie Boys. 144 00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:55,326 So if this is Candy Andy's Sweets and Treats... 145 00:08:55,494 --> 00:08:57,370 ...are you Candy Andy? 146 00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:01,375 Oh, please, we hardly know each other, call me Candrew Andrew. 147 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,878 I'm Caroline and this is Max. 148 00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:09,298 -Max, say something. -Can't. It's all too wonderful. 149 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,053 Look at all the candy crammed in this little space. 150 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:17,307 It's like we're inside Willy Wonka's colon. 151 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,102 Thanks. That's kind of the look I was going for too. 152 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:24,690 And I know it's accurate because I had the Oompa Loompas help me. 153 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,359 They were expensive, but what are you gonna doom-pa-dee-doo? 154 00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:32,405 I'd ring the bell after something that golden but I don't wanna scare you. 155 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,490 Well, now I have to hear the bell. 156 00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,245 Now that's all I wanna hear. 157 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:43,375 Do you do free samples? You do, by the way. 158 00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,418 Let me hook you guys up. On the house. 159 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,963 Marry this guy right now. 160 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,924 It's a small store, I can hear you. 161 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,219 Good. Moves things along faster. 162 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,264 Hey, come by the Williamsburg Diner sometime. We work there. 163 00:09:57,431 --> 00:10:00,933 We'll give you free samples of food you shouldn't have to pay for anyway. 164 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,687 What brings you into this neighborhood? 165 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:08,859 Oh, we were having lunch at the-- This is a really adorable space. 166 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,445 Thank you. You know, candy is my passion. 167 00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:13,739 Yeah, I said it. Always has been. 168 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,951 Even as a kid, I would have my G.I. Joes sell Sweet Tarts to my Transformers. 169 00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:22,080 Gum drops, gummi bears, gummi worms... 170 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:23,914 ...gummi hot dogs, gummi pizza. 171 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:27,085 Ooh, I just had a gummi-gasm. 172 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:29,629 So, what was your favorite candy as a kid? 173 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,341 Actually, I didn't eat a lot of candy as a child. 174 00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:35,092 Okay, I'm gonna overlook that because you're pretty. 175 00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:39,639 But maybe we could talk about your terrible childhood over coffee sometime. 176 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,140 -Yeah? -Heh-heh. 177 00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,855 I'd leave you two alone if this place wasn't filled with candy. 178 00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:49,607 -Okay, so, what's your favorite flavor? -Coconut. 179 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,275 And I'm walking to the C's. 180 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,653 The candy's alphabetical? 181 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,404 Now I'm marrying you too. 182 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,407 Okay, let's see. 183 00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:59,784 Coconut watermelon slice. How's that sound? 184 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:04,121 Um, not so good. Actually, please don't say anything more about candy. 185 00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:08,000 -Is it hot in here? -No, it's awesome in here. 186 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,169 Boston Baked Beans? 187 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,173 Didn't know they weren't real beans till I was 20. 188 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:17,094 Ugh. Please stop. Is it cold in here? 189 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,553 Is it hot and cold in here? 190 00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,514 -Max, I feel weird. -Relax. 191 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,725 It's just your lady parts waking up from hibernation. 192 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,188 Again, small store, I can hear everything. 193 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,402 I am so sorry. Pardon me. 194 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:36,153 -Ooh, uh, you okay? -I'm fine. 195 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:39,698 Max, I am not fine. 196 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:43,286 I'm gonna be Sloppy Joanne in about two seconds. 197 00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,205 Tiny, tiny store. 198 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:48,792 -Um, do you need to use the--? -No. We're fine, we'll just be going. 199 00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:51,378 Nice to meet you. Ugh! Nope, I'm not gonna make it. 200 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,172 -Where is the--? -Right-- Right there. 201 00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,716 Ahem. I'm sure she'll be all right. 202 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,940 I'm gonna step out. Sound of someone throwing up-- 203 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,567 Oh, dude, I've been trying not to throw up this whole time. 204 00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:20,573 Oh! What happened there, right? Heh. 205 00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:23,909 Feeling better? 206 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:36,755 Did she tell you she projectile-puked soup and sloppy seconds... 207 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,341 ...all over a really cute guy and his floor? 208 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,595 Let me put it this way, Caroline. 209 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:46,515 In my heroin days, that would have been a perfectly acceptable first date. 210 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:51,312 I don't understand it. We ate the exact same thing. 211 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,230 How could you have not gotten sick? 212 00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:56,400 You must still have "rich girl" stomach. I'm used to poor food. 213 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:59,236 What made you sick made my skin clear up. 214 00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:02,990 - Hi, girls. - Hey, Sophie. 215 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,658 I'll be in my booth. 216 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,453 Oh. 217 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,789 Well, this is weird. 218 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:21,551 It's okay. You didn't know. Don't let it happen again. Okay, bye-bye now. 219 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,309 Sophie, what do you think you're doing? 220 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,729 What? They were sitting in my booth. 221 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,023 It is not your booth, it's my booth. 222 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:38,860 But with your booth, wouldn't it have a booster seat? 223 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,908 Oh, Sophie wants to dance? We gonna dance. 224 00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:51,581 Max. Hi. It's Andy. 225 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,835 From the store? The guy that let you walk out with a Push Pop in your pocket. 226 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:59,297 That wasn't a Push Pop, Andy, I was happy to see you. 227 00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:01,758 Well, you're gonna be even happier in a minute. 228 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,134 -Yay! -But these come with a catch. 229 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:07,096 Invites for Caroline and you to a party at my candy store. 230 00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:11,725 But maybe don't wear that uniform, people are gonna think you're a giant Sugar Daddy. 231 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,732 So she's still going at it, huh? 232 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:22,236 Such a skinny girl, how much more can come out of her? 233 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:25,532 No, she's just a little embarrassed. Something about self-esteem. 234 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,243 She throws it around like it means something. 235 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:29,911 Well, I'd love her to come. 236 00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:32,413 No pressure, but if you can talk her into it... 237 00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,874 ...there will be unlimited candy for you for the rest of your life. 238 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,794 Look at him, stealing my bit. 239 00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:46,094 Candy Man came with invitations to a party at his store. 240 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:49,556 What, you think I wasn't listening at the door? I heard everything. 241 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,767 -All the vomit jokes, I heard them all. -Ah! 242 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,562 Jewelry already? 243 00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:04,361 Your new husband likes to throw the cash around. 244 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:07,948 He is not my new husband, and now he never will be. 245 00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:09,908 Oh, Bubble Tape. 246 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,412 I finally meet an adorable, sweet guy. 247 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:16,374 A guy so sweet, the word "sweet" is next to his name on actual real estate... 248 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:20,086 ...and I completely destroy any chance I had with him. 249 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,796 You didn't destroy anything. 250 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:25,466 And it's good to let him know right off the bat you have a gag reflex. 251 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,186 Oh. Oh, that's lovely. Happy Valentine's Day. 252 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:40,105 I am not going to that party. I can never see him again. 253 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,857 Well, do you mind if I still go? 254 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,860 Being in a candy store after midnight is on my bucket list. Heh. 255 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,655 Funny, I thought that was the impossible one. 256 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,783 You should go. Have fun. 257 00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:52,701 You're missing out. You two are perfect for each other. 258 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:57,831 -You're like Hansel and Gretel. -They were brother and sister. 259 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,668 So? 260 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,590 So no Caroline, huh? 261 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,092 -Uh, no, she couldn't make it. -Hmm. 262 00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:11,846 Well, I'm feeling very sad, but you'd never know it. 263 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:18,937 Ah, you're fine. You don't seem to be short on other female party guests. 264 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:21,272 They're friends. Some from the neighborhood... 265 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:24,109 -...some I worked with on Wall Street. -Wall Street? 266 00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:26,653 Did you have a candy tray you walked around with? 267 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,488 I wish. That would've been awesome. 268 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,408 I was pushing stock in pharmaceutical companies. 269 00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:35,745 Wait. You know people who have access to pills? 270 00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:38,288 Just when I thought you couldn't get any better. 271 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:42,793 Yeah, one day, I went into the firm and there was no firm. Bankrupt. 272 00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:45,547 Boom. End of job, no money, nothing. 273 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:48,883 And after I drank non-stop for a week, I figured, hey... 274 00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,219 ...now I can do what I've always dreamed of. 275 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,221 Open a candy store, be my own boss. 276 00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:56,515 So I used all my savings and opened up this place. 277 00:16:56,682 --> 00:17:01,687 And pretty soon, Candy Andy will rule the world of sweets and treats. 278 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,065 -Did that sound braggy? -No. 279 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,651 Kick everybody out and let's go back to my place. 280 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:10,238 Uh, Max, no offense, but I'm more into your friend. 281 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:13,866 Um, Andy, no offense, but I'm more into the candy than the Andy. 282 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:17,453 I want you to come to my apartment and say hey to Caroline. 283 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:20,164 I was right. You two are perfect for each other. 284 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:24,669 Yeah? I mean, it would be nice to hang with her in pants I don't care about. 285 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:34,804 Aw, she's not here. Must have taken the horse for a walk. 286 00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,307 You have a horse and I'm just hearing about this? 287 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:40,434 I have a candy store and it's out of my mouth in 30 seconds. 288 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:43,771 -Be right back, I have to pee. -She'll be okay with me being here? 289 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:46,648 Yeah. She was just embarrassed. She'll get over it. 290 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:54,365 - What are you doing? Knock first. - Why are your legs up in the air like that? 291 00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:57,493 And why were you holding the shower head down by your--? Oh, ho, ho! 292 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:07,086 I'm sorry. I thought you'd be home feeling bad for yourself, not feeling your bad self. 293 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,548 What are you doing home already? 294 00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:13,968 Why aren't you at the Candy Andy party? Oh, don't look at me like that. 295 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:17,387 It's not like I'm the only person in the world who masturbates. 296 00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:20,808 Also, Andy's here. 297 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:28,607 -We wanted to surprise you. -But then you surprised us. 298 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,115 It's not a big deal. 299 00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:39,868 That kind of situation happens to a lot of people. 300 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:43,914 Who? Who has that ever happened to? 301 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,917 Um, I know this might be a delicate area right now... 302 00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:50,922 ...but I'm thinking you should probably pay more than half of our water bill. 303 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:52,798 Hey, girls. 304 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,676 Oh. I need some hot tea to warm me up. 305 00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:59,430 There's no hot water in our building when I tried to take a shower. 306 00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:02,224 That's because it's all in Caroline. 307 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,894 -Max. -You are too tense. 308 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:09,315 Here. Take this and relax a little. Heh. 309 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,862 This doing anything for you? 310 00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:19,032 Well, I'll be in my booth. 311 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,164 Hello, Sophie. 312 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,585 What are you doing in my booth? 313 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:32,588 It's not your booth, it's my booth. And look, all the other booths are taken. 314 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:36,509 So you'll have to sit at small table, as is customary for lone diners. 315 00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:48,270 This is my booth. It's okay, you didn't know. Okay, bye-bye now. 316 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:54,067 Hello, Max. Check out my new booth. I think it's better. 317 00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,325 Oh, no. I don't want to see him again. 318 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:03,952 Look, he's already seen you at your worst. You vomited and masturbated. 319 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,288 That's your full range. 320 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,625 Hi. 321 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,252 Look, I know you're really embarrassed about, well, everything... 322 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:16,840 ...and there's really nothing I can say to convince you not to be. So.... 323 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:24,182 Who's embarrassed now? 324 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:29,019 And to further my embarrassment, I will now do gymnastics in public. 325 00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:37,903 That is not embarrassing, it was amazing. 326 00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:41,824 All right, well, then come back to my house and watch me masturbate. 327 00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:49,123 Or we could just get coffee. 328 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:54,461 -Yay! I'm so happy. -Thanks, Max. 329 00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:55,837 No, not for you, for me. 330 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:59,424 I'm getting unlimited candy and maybe some pills. 331 00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:31,415 English - US - SDH 28499

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