Original subtitles

That'll clear your sinuses.

A few more peppers.

Oh, thank you. I just talked to Ted Millay and they were so excited about

on Friday night. Have you decided on the menu yet? Well, I'm still

experimenting, Angela, but we're definitely going with Chinese.

It'll be a perfect way to kick off your new business venture with Ted in

Beijing.

It's my Kung Pao chicken.

Let's see here. Oh.

Mmm. Mmm.

A few more peppers.

What's that?

That's the love bell.

It's time for a kiss to cook.

Mmm. A few more peppers.

Ted and Elaine are going to love this.

Oh, you know, I was thinking,

send them a wedding invitation.

Oh, come on, Angela. Come on, come on. I don't mind cooking for your business

associates, but a wedding is for family and close friends.

You're inviting your plumber?

We're having 300 guests with two bathrooms. What can Ted and Elaine do

I promise you, Ted and Elaine will not be expecting an invitation.

Promise. Hi, guys. Hey, Sam.

Here is my guest list for the wedding.

What's Sam?

Bonnie. Well, one person fan.

Well, I feel that a wedding is a special, intimate occasion that should

shared with those who are closest to you, Dad. Oh, my sentiments exactly,

sweetheart. Besides, it's party till you heave night on campus. Nobody would

show up anyway.

Oh, is that the same night?

Mother.

Don't worry.

I wouldn't miss my little girl's wedding for anything in the world.

After all, you were at mine.

What?

Can't we have one family secret? Is that just too much to ask? I'm sorry, I'm

sorry. Here is my list. Oh, great, Mona. You know, I got a lot of work to do.

Mona, there's no women on this list.

Well, duh.

You're doing so much. Can I help?

It doesn't seem fair to dump all this stuff on you. Maybe I should dump it on

office down. No, no, I love doing this stuff. Are you kidding me? There's no

pressure, no problem.

Well, in fact, we're going to have the most beautiful wedding in the whole

world.

Oh, Tony, your lips.

Oh, and Angela, your eyes.

No, Tony, your lips, they're blowing up.

My lips?

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

The choice is up to you, my friend.

Nights are long, but you might awaken to a brand new life, a brand new life, a

brand new life around the bend.

Dr. Thomas will be with you in a moment.

I don't need a doctor. I mean, I'm sure in a little while my lips will go back

to normal.

Tony, you've been saying that for the last three hours and you still look like

Julia Roberts.

Hasn't heard hook of me or any.

Oh, hi.

Hi, Angela.

So, having a little flare -up of the old... No.

No, but actually, Tony is the patient.

Tony, say hello to Dr. Thomas. Hi, Tony.

So... Well, it seems to be the problem. That kid, I'm out of here.

It's his lips, doctor.

I thought so.

Let's just see what we got here.

It looks like you've got an allergic reaction there.

Have you changed your soap? Have you eaten any unusual foods?

Slammed your lips in a drawer?

I'll put down no.

Wait a minute. We've been eating all that Chinese food. That's unusual.

You're right, Angel. We've been eating for two days. Case solved. Let's get out

of here before he takes out my gallbladder.

No, wait a minute. Food's only one possibility. You know, it could be a lot

things from something in the air to stress.

Stress, huh?

Well, you know, the only stress I got is coming to see you, Doc. Well, are you

sure stress can come from work or sitting in traffic?

Any change in your life?

My life is great. The only change I got is a good one.

Angela and I are getting married.

Getting married?

Hmm.

What are you hmming about?

Well, there's a recent study that the only thing more stressful than a wedding

was death.

So you're saying the reason my lips are swelling up is because I don't want to

get married?

No, I'm just pointing out that weddings can cause a lot of stress. You're the

one who said you don't want to get married.

Interesting.

I said it, I said it, but I didn't mean it.

He's, he's, he's... Would you make him stop now?

No, Mr.

Maselli. What do you say we just schedule you for some allergy tests

Fine, fine, fine, fine. Hey, Doc, does that involve any shots? No. Oh, good.

shot's today.

Just a little something to relieve the swelling. Oh, isn't there a pillow or

something I could take? Well, there's a suppository. Bring on that needle.

Oh, Dad, it smells great.

Yeah, yeah. We're celebrating Ted and Angela's new business venture in

Cool. Let's see what you got.

Wheat and sour shrimp, egg drop soup, mooshu pork.

Spaghetti, how's that? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they're there for me, they're there for me. Until I get my test

back, I'm only eating food that I know I'm not allergic to.

You've been living on SpaghettiOs for the past three days?

Yeah, breakfast is the worst.

You should try dunking one of these things in your coffee.

I'm so glad you could come. Oh, me too. Everybody, this is my date, Barry

Hauser.

Juan Ying.

That's Chinese for welcome.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Barry is a very successful hand model.

Can't be too careful with the old moneymaker, you know.

So I guess give me some skin is out of the question.

Have you done anything that we might recognize?

Give me a minute.

It's like we've got a celebrity working here.

And in the lane, Huan Ying.

It's impressive, impressive.

Now, there's a billion other people who could do that, you know.

The Chinese are coming along beautifully.

Well, how else can I call up the Beijing office and yell at people?

I'm already working with Ted. You don't need to suck up anymore.

I wasn't. Someone was tickling me with their moneymaker.

Hey, Tony.

Oh, hi, everybody.

Hey, Jonathan. What's up? This magazine came today. One of your letters was

stuck in it. Oh, I'll get that. Oh, that's okay.

I'll get you some ice. What is he, a surgeon or something?

No, he's a hand model.

That's him? Yeah.

At least it's insured. Give me the letter.

Barry, I'll be right back, Barry.

Angela, look.

It's my fist results. Oh, good. What does it say?

According to this, the only thing that I'm allergic to is the pollen from the

lapidus flower.

Oh. Well, maybe we have some growing in the backyard.

I don't think so. It says here that the lapidus only grows in the South Yemen

desert.

Oh.

So now we know it's not an allergy.

Come on, Angela. You're not believing that doctor's psycho babble about what's

causing this, do you? Well, it makes sense. Weddings are very stressful.

Angela, how can you say that? You know I want to marry you.

We're talking about the stress of planning a wedding, not whether you want

marry me or not.

But it's very interesting that you jump to that. Oh, look, look. This is silly.

I want to marry you. I want to... Watch. I want to marry you. I want to marry,

marry, marry you.

My lips are fine.

Come on, now. Can we go back in the damn living room and have a wonderful time?

It's no use, Mona. I was all set to do that big Yellow Pages commercial.

No, no, no. Don't worry about it. Those fingers will do the walking again.

I'm sorry we took so long. We had something to discuss about the... The

The wedding.

By the way, I couldn't be less stressed out about her.

Oh, yes, I'm sure it's going to be wonderful. We wouldn't miss it for the

Ted, don't be presumptuous.

We may not be invited.

Of course you're getting an invitation, right? Oh, yes, you were the first ones

we thought of.

In fact, I just finished, you know, making out your invitation. I'll go get

Remind me to order some porta -potties for the backyard.

Well, you must be so excited.

I am.

I'm very excited.

But you know how it is before the wedding. You know, all the jitters, the

nerves, the tension.

Oh, yes.

What an anxious, stressful time.

So you had doubts, too?

No.

There's your invitation.

Oh, I just can't wait.

Oh, I can't wait either. I can't wait to marry this woman because I adore her.

Oh, isn't this romantic?

Unfortunately, this is as good as it gets.

Excuse me, Martha, but it's darn romantic. And I just want to say that

going to have the best wedding of all time.

I'll be right back.

Tony.

Tony.

I know what's happening. It's your lips, isn't it?

It's just a sweet tooth.

It's because we're talking about the wedding. No, no, Angela. It's the darn

laugh of this plan. Some Yemenites must have moved into the neighborhood.

Tony, lips don't lie. Look at them. They're revolting at the thought of

me. Oh, Angela, I swear they're not. I swear they're not.

Fine. You don't believe me, do you?

Stop talking and bend over.

Hey, the party's in here.

Do you mind?

Do you want to borrow my nurses?

Please get this over with.

You're mad at me, aren't you? No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. You're mad at me. No, I am not mad.

Oh, yeah!

Yeah!

And that's Chinese for dinner's ready.

Well?

Not a tingle.

I'm not allergic to this either.

Okay, here you go. Pucker up.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Dad, before both attacks, you said that the Fletcher's cat came over and you fed

her. Now kiss her.

dinner. Ain't that enough?

Dad, do you love Angela?

Okay.

Oh, look at these purries.

Get her out of here, please.

Do you feel anything?

Yeah, a hairball.

Dad, come on, think, think, think.

What else were you in contact with before the last attack?

Nothing, Sam.

Wait a minute.

I kissed Angela.

I kissed Angela both times before it happened.

Well, that's it. You're allergic to Angela.

Or... What?

Come with me.

Okay.

Oh, hello there. Hello.

Gee, they're not up to anything, are they?

He thinks I don't know it, but he's been trying to find out what he's allergic

to all day. He's afraid to admit what it really is.

You mean that he's having second thoughts about marrying you?

Yes.

I just don't want him standing at the altar saying, I boo.

I'm sure it's only temporary, dear.

What he is going through is perfectly normal.

Oh, this isn't working.

Wait a minute, Sam. Sam, wait a minute.

I didn't kiss Angela on the lips. I kissed her on the cheek.

Blush, Dad. Blush. Angela, where's blush? Wait a minute.

You mean that's not her natural rosy complexion?

Yeah, right, Dad.

All right, all right. Look, look. Not too much. Not too much. Just some subtle

shadings.

I'm sorry.

I am going to need so much therapy after this.

Sam, Sam, promise me something.

If I have a heart attack right now, you wash my face before the paramedics get

here.

Well?

Not a tingle.

Okay, well, maybe it wasn't the makeup. Maybe it was something she was wearing.

Here, here, here, here.

Try this, try this, try this.

Oh!

What was my father thinking?

I'm just

testing something.

What? Your masculinity?

Sorry we used your stuff, Angela.

Let me guess, you're not allergic to any of it. No, no, but I'm going to keep

looking until I find out what it is. Angela, do you wear a base?

We've got to talk.

Well, I'll leave you two ladies alone.

I'm sorry, Dad. I am just so confused.

Look, I know what you're thinking, Angela. I know what you're thinking, but

you're wrong.

I have absolutely no doubts about marrying you. And that's what worries me

most, your denial.

Nobody goes into something this big without second thought.

But Angela... Tony, wait. I've been thinking.

Given what you're going through, I think we should just put everything on hold.

Wait a minute. Cancel the wedding? No, no. Just put it aside.

But it's very interesting you jump to that.

I wish people would stop saying that.

We've tried everything that could have caused this. It's got to be the wedding.

So, look, let's not talk about it. Let's not think about it. Let's not deal with

it at all. And we'll see what happens.

Okay.

Okay.

We'll do it your way.

But I'm telling you right now, these lips will swell again.

Marriage talk or not.

I can't believe I almost went out on the street looking like this.

Hey, Tom.

Hi, Erna.

Hey, guess what?

The old lipstick swelled up again.

No, it haven't. You got a napkin shoved in your mouth.

I can't fool you. I'll never fool Angela.

Look, Ernie, you've got to do something for me. Name it, pal.

Punch me in the mouth.

Let me see that napkin for you. No, no, no, I'm serious.

Look, it's been a whole week, right? We haven't mentioned the wedding, and if my

lips don't swell up soon, she's going to call it off.

It's never separate with you two, is it? Ernie, Ernie, I want you to punch me in

the mouth. Now, go ahead. No way! You're going to hit me back at a reflex or

something. No, no, I won't.

I won't, I promise. Yes, you will. I promise I won't. Yes, you will. Ernie!

You're serious?

I forget it. Forget it. I'll hit myself.

Don't do it. You'll kill yourself.

Let go.

Okay. Oh,

Arnie, I think you broke my nose.

Tony, I'm home.

Listen, try to convince her that it's spread to your nostrils.

Get up.

Tony,

what happened?

No, Arnie hit me.

I wanted them to hit me. I wanted them to hit me in the mouth so that my lips

would swell up.

And I'd be fooled.

Oh, Tony.

Why don't you finally admit that you have a problem with this marriage?

I don't. I don't. At least I think I don't.

So there is something.

Well, sometimes I wonder if the marriage is a mistake. I mean, is it going to

ruin the good thing that we have?

I mean, and once the marriage starts...

Does the friendship end?

And then worse, what if the spark dies out? Do we settle into some boring,

dreary routine?

And what about my job? What about my job? I mean, can I handle working for my

wife? And do you continue to pay me? And if you do, do I feel cheap in the

morning?

And what if you snore? What if you snore? You know, I'm a very light

and I need my eight hours of sleep, and I've heard noises coming out of that

room. Okay, okay, you have doubts. You have lots of doubts.

I'm surprised your whole body didn't swell up. I don't care if it does. I

care if I have to spend the rest of my life with my butt looking like a

pincushion. We are getting married.

But, Tony. I know. I'm sending out these invitations, and nobody, nobody's going

to stop me. Don't I get a say in this? I mean, after all, it's my wedding, too.

It's been a whole week, and nothing's happened, Jennifer. It never happens

again. What if it does happen again? Look, we're talking about marriage right

now, and you don't see my lips well enough, do you?

It's happening again.

Tony.

I am allergic to love.

Well, you might as well dump these along with our future.

Wait a minute, Tony.

I don't think you're allergic to love. I think you're allergic to these.

You think?

Yeah.

Before each attack, you were licking envelopes. Yeah, I was wicking them. And

you just licked another one. I was wicking away.

Oh, this is wonderful.

Now we can get married.

Hey,

Tony, what are you doing?

Well, Angela, with us getting married, you know, I was feeling kind of

sentimental, so I was going through the old family photo album there. Look at

that.

Oh, look at that.

My parents' wedding picture.

Sheesh. Look how young Mom and Dad were.