Original subtitles

Huh?

Gotcha.

It'll teach you to mess with Tony Masselli's spot cleaner.

Are you talking to the stove?

No, I was, you know, it's just that it's a little lonesome out here on the

range.

Tony, I think you need a break. Come in the living room. I have a surprise for

you. Really? Really? Well, I hope it's self -cleaning.

Surprise!

Mike Massell! Hey, Mike, how are you?

Angel, look.

It's Mike Vassell! I know. We used to play ball together.

I brought him to the house. Did you ever see this guy play, Angela?

We're talking MVP, you know, World Series rings. He's a big star.

That's why we're doing a commercial together. So, Mike, what are you doing

A commercial with Angela. Why didn't you tell me?

I thought I just did. Oh, Mike, sit, sit, have a seat.

Hey, you look great. And let me tell you, I'm proud of you. You've done

Well, I owe it all to you. What do you mean? You know, I got injured. Mike

filled in. It's a boring story. Boring?

Please, picture this.

It's the bottom of the ninth.

We're down one to nothing.

Tony, knowing that he could be our last shot for a run, tries to stretch a

double into a triple. He dives into third base and he rips apart his

The great career is over.

So, if Tony hadn't gotten hurt, he'd be the one with the million -dollar

endorsement deal now? That's right.

Imagine that. I mean, if you had just stayed at second base, you'd be a rich

man.

Mother. That you lost it all because of one bonehead play.

Mother. Crazy world.

Crazy world.

Okay, Tony, ready?

Wow, Mike Vassell!

Oh, you are my favorite baseball player.

Hey, will you autograph my ball?

My pleasure. Oh, that's nice.

You can put that next to the one that Tony autographed for you.

No way. I'm not tossing this one in the closet.

Nice kid. Yeah, yeah. I'm like a father to him. No respect.

Oh, listen, Tony, I got to get back to the studio.

Angela's got me doing three commercials and a photo shoot.

Yeah, I know how it is. You know, my plate's pretty full, too. What with

the house and, you know, going to school and then, you know, coming back from

school.

Into the house, which I run, you know, and then it's back to school again.

it's not a big plate, but it's full.

Yeah, yeah, it's so full, I better get back to it. Hey, Mike, good seeing you.

Good to see you. Keep swinging, Pat. Okay.

Crazy world.

Crazy world.

Oh, no, wait a minute.

This ain't bleach, this is ammonia. I don't think you're supposed to mix that.

Tony.

Angela? No, not Angela. It's JoJo.

Hey, next time you should have my name tattooed someplace where you could read

it.

Something tells me we're not in Kansas anymore, JoJo.

Every time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and met the...

There's a path you take and a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my

friend. Nights are long, but you might awaken to a brand new life, a brand new

life, a brand new life around the bend.

doing here?

Wow. You ask a lot of deep questions.

Whose place is this?

It's yours, Billy.

Mine?

Wait a minute, I remember.

This all started when I mixed cognac and scotch, and I told you not to do that.

Hey, I think I'll go take a shower.

This, this is weird. Very weird.

Not bad.

Weird.

Time magazine?

A Neiman?

You're a bum, Miss Ellie.

Coach?

But it can't be you.

You're... Benched by the big man?

Oh, no.

Did that mean... No, no, no. You're not dead, Miss Ellie.

What am I, dreaming?

Then what's going on here? Look, sometimes an entire life hinges on one

random event.

In your case, it was when I waved you from second to third.

And you injured your shoulder.

That's all right, coach, because I would have gone anyway.

That's why you were a bum.

But technically, I'm responsible.

So I was sent to give you your other life.

The one that could have been.

So are you like a guardian angel?

No, I'm a dead coach.

Wait a minute.

You never weighed me to third, right? And I never tore up my shoulder.

Hey, look.

No scar.

So then I kept playing? Oh, I say.

You hit three home runs in the 85 series.

The series?

MVP.

Wow. I'm good.

And I'm rich.

I'm rich. I mean, I own this Manhattan penthouse.

Not to mention homes in Palm Springs, Malibu, and Aspen. I passed out, and I'm

going to wake up any minute, right?

Only if you want to. Are you saying that I have some choice in this matter? It's

up to me? Like, this could all be mine?

Are you all right, sir? Oh, yeah, yeah. I was just talking to the coach.

Or the couch.

a reminder that you're meeting with your agent and your business manager in a

few minutes. Could you just tell me who you are?

You mixed cognac and scotch again, didn't you, sir?

Uh, Miss Eastman, your personal assistant.

And this is Jim.

And this is Steve, your agent and your manager.

Oh.

No, it's a good time. It's a good time. Hey, how you doing? How you doing? Nice

to see you. Nice to see you.

Is there something wrong?

Well, it's just that you never shake hands. Or ask how we're doing. But it's

great. Yeah, everything you do is great. Couldn't have said it better.

So, why don't you take a look at your new endorsement deal?

As you can see, they've agreed to all our numbers. And you'll be the exclusive

spokesman for their new wine cooler.

Wine cooler?

Wait a minute, I can't advertise alcohol. I mean, little kids look up to

right? And anyway, it's not like I need the money, do I?

Well, what with your three ex -wives.

Three ex -wives?

Yeah, in Palm Springs, Malibu, and Aspen.

Do I have any children?

Yes. A daughter? Samantha?

Samantha, very good, sir. Thank you. Well, can I see her, please?

Come on, come on, I want to see my daughter.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Maselli wants to see Samantha. Bring that videotape in here right away.

Wait a minute. Videotape? She was on Donahue last week. Donahue? My little

is famous.

We're talking to Samantha Maselli, daughter of baseball legend Tony

also the author...

of the new fictional bestseller, most valuable player, least valuable father.

Samantha Maselli, welcome.

Thanks, Phil.

Sam, let's get right to it. Now, isn't the neglectful basketball father -dad in

your book really your own baseball -playing father?

Just because the father is neglectful.

So he makes promises he can't keep breaking his little girl's heart, trying

solve problems by throwing money at me.

I mean, at her.

Just because.

Am I really that bad?

Of course not. Oh, you're wonderful.

A prince among men.

It's worse than I thought.

I've surrounded myself with yes -men.

Oh, no, no, we're not yes -men.

Could you please just leave me alone? Oh, yes, sir, whatever you say, sir.

Rub -a -dub -dub, that's some babe in the tub.

But, Butch, I don't believe this. I don't believe what's happened here. I

mean...

My daughter hates me. People around me cower in fear. What happened to me?

You became a success.

Money and fame do this to a lot of guys.

But, Coach, you know me.

I'm a good guy. I've always been a good guy, right?

Of course you are, sir. All your furniture likes you.

Angela Bauer is here to see you.

Angela's here?

Oh, good, good. Send her in. Go get her. Go send her in. Send her in. Coach,

Angela's here. I'm so happy she's still in my life.

Everything's going to be just fine now, Coach. Just fine.

Oh, Angela, so good to see you.

You creep!

What'd you hit me for? I've warned you a thousand times. Keep your hands off me.

I thought you'd like it.

I'll bet you did.

Please, if we are going to be working together, would you try to behave

yourself? Oh, we're working together. Well, that's great. That's great. Yeah,

it's fabulous.

Now, Mr. Mastelli, here is the copy that we came up with. Well, I'm not

interested in this. Here, sit down. Sit down a second. I want to hear about you.

You know, what's been happening all these years?

You're not married, are you?

No, not that it's any of your business.

Oh, all these years and you never found a man. That's great.

Thank you.

your information, I had a boyfriend. His name was Gary. We just broke up, okay?

Now can we get on with it?

See, I don't get it. I mean, if you hate me so much, what are you doing here?

It's my job. I have to go where my company sends me.

Oh, so you don't have your own ad agency?

You just keep rubbing it in, don't you?

I don't have a man. I don't have an agency.

That's right.

Because I wasn't there to get you started.

Oh, yes.

I'm sure I would be so much more successful, not to mention personally

fulfilled, if only you had come into my life earlier.

You'd be surprised.

So, uh, what is it we're working on here?

Your public service spot to promote reading.

Oh, well, that sounds like a pretty nice thing to do.

Well, you're just doing it to boost your image and help get you into the Hall of

Fame. Wait a minute. I'm going to be eligible for the Hall of Fame?

Oh, I knew I was good, but I'm great!

That is it. I can't take it anymore. You are the most egotistical, self

-centered jerk I have ever had the misfortune to work with. No, no, no, no.

a minute, Angela. Wait. You are not going anywhere.

Sarah. How dare you hit me with this libel suit? Should I call security?

No, of course not. This is my daughter.

Oh, and I suppose by you not throwing me out, it makes you father of the year.

No, give me that cigarette. No, of course not. I'm a rotten father. Don't

even try to deny it.

Did you just admit that you were a rotten father?

The worst. I stunk.

Oh, God, I hope I got that all.

Sam.

It's for the sequel.

When bad fathers happen to good daughters.

Come, come, come.

Sam, look.

I'm just trying to make things up to you. Look, you know that study abroad

program you wanted to go on? It's yours.

You still think you could solve everything with money, don't you? No,

just trying to get back some of the time we lost. Look, forget about Europe. How

about lunch?

We'll go to the old neighborhood.

We'll go down to Marty's Melody Room, huh? I'll have Rufus make you a double

chocolate egg cream with two straws.

You remember?

Of course.

It was your favorite, honey.

Well, okay, but I'm still taping everything just in case this is some

trick.

It's not a trick. Come on. Come on. Look, we'll spend the whole day

Just you and me, all right? Just let me get changed. Let me get changed.

Hey, Coach, did you see what happened, Coach? I got through to Sam. And if I

through to Sam, I can get through to Angela. Then I'll have fame. I'll have

money. And I'll have the people I love. I'll have everything, Coach.

Okay, Tony.

It's all yours.

Of course, there's a few things I'm going to have to give up, Coach.

I'm not so sure this is a good idea, Miss Sally. I'm telling you, Coach, you

don't know it yet, but she needs me.

You see? That used to be my job.

Wow, Tony Maselli.

Oh, come in, come in. Thank you, thank you.

You know, you are my favorite baseball player.

Hey, will you sign my mitt?

Oh, absolutely, absolutely.

It's still $25, right?

No, no, no, no, no. From now on, there's no charge.

Really? Wow.

Hey, you're not half the jerk Mom said you were.

I'll tell her you're here.

Thank you, thank you.

Look at this place, huh?

It's a mess. These people are falling apart without me. What?

It's immaculate.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah, look, right here. A water spot, right?

These people live like pigs.

Welcome to my house. May I offer you some slop?

I didn't mean that. I was just talking to the... Boy, you look lovely.

Thank you.

And thank you. Thank you for the flowers.

Yeah, well, here's one more. That makes it an even dozen.

That's very sweet.

Maybe I owe you an apology. I was unprofessional. I shouldn't have slapped

And I thank you for not having me fired. I thank you for not knocking my teeth

out.

Mom, I can't find my bed.

Dress it by the bed. Third drawer.

Lucky guess.

There's something very strange about you.

Well, let's just say in another place and time, you know, we had something

special.

You're from L .A., aren't you?

Why don't you let me tell you about the real me over dinner, huh?

No, I, uh, tonight isn't a good night. I have a lot of work to do. Well, you

gotta eat, huh? I'll cook something, huh? How about I whip up a fast linguine

ala vongole?

It's my favorite.

Another lucky guess.

This is the best meal I've ever had.

Thanks. He cooks, he cleans, and he's got a butt you can bounce a quarter on.

Angela, don't louse this one up, mother.

Well, after what happened with Gary.

What did happen with good old Gary?

Nothing. Nothing happened with Gary. That's how you loused it up.

Come on, now. Stop picking on your daughter here. Angela, I got to hand it

you. I think you're doing just fine.

Thank you. Hey, Jonathan, what do you say tomorrow after school? We go down to

the stadium? I'll show you around, huh? Wish I could, but school's 300 miles

away. I'm going back tomorrow.

What? You go to a boarding school?

Yeah. Well, I better get packing. Excuse me.

Yeah. Me too.

Wait a minute. Where are you going?

Home. To London.

You don't live here with her?

With her?

No way.

He would have if I'd been here.

Why? Do you swim in the nude?

Mother, go pack.

Like you weren't thinking it.

Angela, I'm a little surprised. I can't believe it. You send Jonathan to a

boarding school. Your mother lives in London. I can't believe it.

Excuse me?

I mean, you know, family. They should be together. They need you as much as you

need them.

How dare you walk in here and criticize my life? What life?

I mean, you bury yourself in your work, you send your family away, and you're

living here alone.

And who are you to talk?

You have three failed marriages and a daughter who makes a living trashing you

in public?

That was a fictional book about a basketball player.

Oh, yes.

Tony Minnelli. I wonder who could it be?

All right, so my life isn't perfect, but I know you. You've got to stop running

away from your fears.

Oh? Oh, and what do you know about my fears?

I know you're afraid of commitment because you failed in your first

you're afraid of failing again.

And I also know you're afraid of crowds and heights and that clown scene in

Poltergeist. Well,

I think I've heard just about enough.

Why do I say this, Miss Ellie?

You're consistent.

You've got a big mouth in both lives.

I know.

I know.

Hey, look, Angela, I'm sorry. I was just saying what was in my heart.

I'm sorry if I hurt you, and I'm just going to be on my way.

Wait, wait, please, wait.

You are not totally off base about some of the things.

Yeah? You are not the first person to suggest that I bury myself in my work

because of my reluctance to...

To let go?

To take chances? To go with your heart?

It's incredible how a stranger can know you so well.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Wait, where are you going?

To call Gary.

Gary?

Gary, what about me? What about us?

Us?

Tony, I don't think so.

Maybe another place, another time. But Gary and I have a history and he's

been there for me.

And he said when I was ready to make a commitment to give him a call.

And thanks to you, I think I'm ready.

Don't take it so hard, Miss Ellie.

She did need you.

Just not in the way you thought.

I just want to go home.

Tony? Tony!

Jojo?

Oh, Angela, it's you.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I think so.

What happened?

Well, you were out for a couple of minutes.

You can't mix these things. It's dangerous.

So it was all a bad dream.

My scar's back.

Are you sure you're okay?

Do you love me?

Yes, of course.

Then I'm okay.

Who's Jojo?

Hey, yo, who's Gary?

You bad boy.

What? Coming into the bathroom while I'm taking a shower.

What are you talking about?

As if you didn't know.

I love those little hearts you drew in the steam on the mirror.

But Angela, wait a minute. I didn't do... Rub -a -dub -dub.

Nice blonde in the tub.

Bones.