Original subtitles

What are you doing?

Shopping day.

89 cents for cling peaches? Boy, they've got nerve.

Hey, put that back. Don't they feed you at the dorm? Oh, please, relax.

Dad will get more. He's at the market.

Okay, well, I'm all done down here.

I'm going to be upstairs in the cosmetics department.

I am so humiliated.

What happened?

I'm the laughing stock in the whole neighborhood. A man disgraced.

Branded. I'll never be able to show my face outdoors again.

This is all you bought?

The check Angela gave me for the groceries last week. It bounced.

You're kidding.

People shunned me, Sam. They shunned me. You know what I mean? It's like... The

bad boy. He even looked away when he said paper or plastic.

It's unbelievable.

Oh, poor dad.

So this is all they let you buy, huh?

Yeah. Gives on the chicklets. Yes, again, fat boy.

What is going on? What's going on, Angela?

You want to know what's going on? I'll tell you what's going on.

Talking about public humiliation.

A shame. A shame that casts its shadow over the entire family, leaving no one

untainted. All right, I'm sorry.

Damn the invention of videotape.

I'm talking about Angela's check for the groceries.

It bounced.

when I'm taking away your camcorder.

Oh, Tony, I'm sorry. I transferred some money out of the household account to

cover some business expenses, and I guess my deposit didn't clear in time.

why don't you use business money to pay for business expenses?

Because the business doesn't have any money.

What? I think Mother exaggerates. We're just in kind of a slow cycle right now.

It's nothing to worry about. I'll call the bank. I'll straighten it out. Hey,

you.

Hold on.

What's the matter?

The phone's dead.

I guess the check I sent to the phone company bounced, too.

Where are you going?

To take a shower before they turn off our water.

A brand new life, a brand new life around the

bend.

Gee, Angela, I had no idea the business was in trouble. It's not.

It's just that during a recession, one of the first things companies do is cut

back on their advertising budget, and a couple of my clients had to do just

that. Well, you know, you should have said something. Tony, I've guided the

agency through rougher waters than these, and we've always come through.

That's what the skipper said to Gilligan before the three -hour tour.

A three -hour tour.

It's not that bad. Well, I believe you, but just in case, a little scrimping to

save it might not be a bad idea.

We don't have to change our lifestyle.

Okay, fine. Well, let's just cut out what we don't need.

Okay. Okay, that's not a bad idea. Great, great. And how about putting me

charge of the budget? Oh, Tony, wait. I've always handled that.

Let's face it, Angela.

I've got to be better at economizing than you.

I mean, look, you grew up with a silver spoon.

I grew up with a tin cup.

You lived high on a hog. I lived on a shoestring and had to learn to cook it

eight ways.

I must have heard that a thousand times growing up. I think Dad loves being

poor. That is not true.

It's just that you kids never learned the value of a dollar.

See, he's got a million of these.

Well, then he's probably the best person to handle the budget. You tell us what

cutbacks to make, sir, and we will make them. You won't regret this, Angela,

because I found out one thing in life.

You watch your pennies, and the dollars will take care of you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Close that door. You're wasting electricity.

What do you got, a cousin at Con Ed?

Hey, I was just looking for the mustard. It's right here.

I'm going to run my shopping at the economy club

now. You ever hear that motto? If you can get your arms around it, you didn't

buy it here.

You say so.

Hey, you got any chips?

Yeah, right.

I'd ask for a pickle, but I'm afraid.

Quick, cable, now.

Daughter, come, visit.

Sorry, guys, but in ten seconds, there's a live YouTube concert, and the dorm

doesn't get cable.

Well, either do we, because I canceled it.

You mean we have to watch regular television?

Yeah, yeah. Well, we're not that desperate. Hey, we can have a good night

anyway, right? We'll have a nice, normal family night. What do you say we start

with a game of Clue? All right.

Oh, look, here's...

With a knife. Oh, gee, that was fun.

I dropped the knife in the jar.

Can't we buy condiments that are smaller than I am?

Can't we have cable like civilized American families?

Well, I would settle for just a little heat.

Tony is just trying to help. Do you think he enjoys being the bad guy? Yes,

do. No,

he does not.

He's made more sacrifices than any of us.

And I think it would behoove us to follow in his footsteps.

Oh, Angela, behoove. I love that.

It's so nice of you to stick up for me like that. Well, Tony, I think we should

show you our appreciation and support.

Hey, yo, wait a minute.

Is that a new blouse?

No, it's been hanging in my closet.

Since when?

Since yesterday when I bought it, okay?

Angela, how could you? And silk!

It is not like that.

I needed to rally the troops today, and to do that, I had to feel like a winner,

and this blouse gave me the confidence I needed.

All week long, I'm collecting dry lint to make a quilt.

And you go out and buy yourself a silk blouse?

Tony, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm wrong. No more shopping. I promise.

You went shopping after what Tony said?

I don't need his approval. If I want to buy something, I can buy it. I am not

afraid of Tony.

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Skirts, a pair of shoes, and three belts, Angela?

Well, we're supposed to be tightening these, not buying them, Angela.

So, I slipped.

I had some bad news, and I had to get out, and when I was out, I just happened

to see some things I wanted to buy. It won't happen again. You bet your life it

won't happen again, because you know why? You're giving me all your credit

cards.

Excuse me?

Obviously, you can't resist the temptation. You put me in charge. Hand

over. I will not.

There's an emergency.

Like what, a sale?

Tony.

I'm putting you on an allowance. An allowance? I am not a child. Well,

built like one.

Hand them over. Hand them over.

I will not. I will not. I need my cards. Oh, what are you saying, Angela? That

you can't do without them?

Don't be ridiculous.

I can stop shopping for as long as I want, whenever I want.

Put your plastic where your mouth is.

Okay.

Okay. Fine.

Nick.

God, the promised land.

I don't believe this. Are you happy now? It's for your own good. Right.

God, I feel so naked.

Don't touch those packages. They're going back.

The footlocker has a credit card?

Let me see that.

Wash this.

Oh, there was seven pounds of chips in there. Where'd they all go?

Oh.

Hello, hello, Tony. Here's my recyclable lunch bag and some lint for your quilt.

Oh, lint. Great, great, great. I gotta hand it to you, Angela. In the last

couple of days, you've been a model of economic restraint. Well, thank you,

Tony, but we may not have to do this much longer tonight.

I am meeting with one of my biggest clients, and we're going to be talking

his new campaign, and it's back to business as usual.

That's great.

Well, you can't keep a good woman down.

Well, you can if she's really good.

I need a bike, Barb.

Hey, what do you think? What do you think? How about a nice power breakfast

get you started? Oh, no thanks, Tony. I've got to get going. I've got to go

my presentation, put my files together, and I'll need my gold card and my

umbrella.

Your gold card? Yes.

I'm taking Reed Hamilton to dinner tonight, and I don't think his stretch

will make the turn into the drive -thru.

Oh, the drive -thru. Oh, I get it, I get it. Well, why take him to an expensive,

fancy restaurant? Why not bring him here?

I don't think that's a good idea. Oh, why not? Why not? I've cooked for your

clients many times. They've always loved it.

Unless... Unless what?

Unless you need the card for some other reason.

I most certainly do not.

Then what's the problem?

There's no problem.

We'll eat here. Great, great, great. I promise you, I promise you an evening of

dining as elegant and refined as any Manhattan restaurant.

See?

Close your eyes. It's the Russian Tea Room.

And you see the crown.

And watch the groom.

Yes, you see the crown. Mother, I want to talk to you about Reed Hamilton. I

know, I know.

Don't flirt with the client. No, actually, I want you to flirt with him.

You do?

Boy, the company really is in trouble.

I'll get it.

Hello.

Shut up and kiss me.

Subtle. Very subtle. That's right.

Tony, it's so nice of you to invite me. Oh, yes, of course. Come in. Sit down.

Hope you don't mind coming here to eat instead of a nice restaurant in

Manhattan. Are you kidding? I eat at restaurants so often. I can't remember

last time I had a good home -cooked meal.

I knew you were worried.

Caviar.

Beluga?

Eggplant. Made it myself, 17 cents a serving.

It's delicious.

Yeah, and it won't give you fish breath either.

Reed, have you ever seen fish do it?

No, but my hotel has a koi pond.

Cassoulet? Reed!

Cassoulet? Ah.

Oh, that's wonderful.

You didn't do this for 17 cents a serving. Right you are, Rito.

12.

Castellet is nothing but a fancy name for pork and beans. But it sure does

expensive, doesn't it?

Tony, I'm impressed. You know, I grew up poor, so I appreciate people who know

the value of a dollar. Hey, hey, we were poor, too. I can remember when I was a

kid, my mother making me a bowl of tomato soup with hot water and ketchup.

You had a bowl?

My mother used to pour hot water into half a squash, and when I'd finish

the insides, I'd use the rind for a hat.

You had a hat?

Excuse me, Angela.

Let me tell you something. When it rained, I used to walk to school on my

so my hair wouldn't get wet.

Once, when I was a kid, I snagged my riding britches during dressage.

Here's dinner. Too bad, too, because I was dying to know what happened to those

britches.

That was dressage.

Reed, may I show you to the dining room?

Well, I need to talk to Angela first, if you don't mind.

But if you get lost, just put your lips together and say, carsole.

Reed. Take a message.

Reed, you wanted to tell me something.

Oh, yeah.

Angela, I want to commend you on this dinner tonight. It shows me that you're

woman who's really in touch with these lean times. Well, thank you. I try.

That's why I know you'll understand why we can't go ahead with this campaign.

What? No. It would be a mistake to introduce a new product into the soft

Oh, but people always need to use soap, and we can skew the ads to the budget

-conscious buyer.

I know.

It'll have to wait.

I see.

Okay, what do you say? Let's hit the old dining room, huh? First course is

ready. Whoa, oysters.

Rockefeller, huh? Close.

Tofu on a half shell.

Son, you're incredible. Thank you, thank you. Come on, let's go, huh? I think

this is going great, huh?

Hey, try some of the tofu, huh? Six cents a shell. Come on.

special item for the shop at home network the molly moo cow creamer and

calf sugar bowl so call now shoppers because you only have two

minutes to get in on this fabulous deal

hello

yes i'd like to order my molly moo cow creamer set yes

Uh, my credit card number is... Uh... Oh, wait. I'll find a receipt. Don't go

away.

Only a minute and a half left.

I'm going. I'm going.

Okay.

Are you there? Yes. Okay. The number

is 4056 -919...

Four, nine, three, seven.

Seven foot... Oh, this stupid eggplant stain. I can't read the last two

Can you just make them up?

Angela!

You are busted.

I didn't do anything.

Oh, you did, Pat.

Leaving the TV on when nobody's watching it? Wasting electricity?

What, have you got a cousin at Con Ed?

Sorry.

Hey, wait a minute. What happened here?

I was just making sure that we didn't...

Throw out anything we could recycle.

What are you hiding behind your back?

Nothing, nothing.

Gosh, you look so adorable tonight.

What do you say we go on an account and get cozy?

Well, that sounds great.

No, no.

What was this?

A credit card slip?

Oh, is it?

Wait a minute. The credit card slipped.

The TV tuned to the Shop at Home network.

You were going to buy something.

So what?

So what if I was?

I had a really lousy day.

What are you talking about? I thought dinner went great. Dinner went great.

Business didn't. Reed canceled the campaign.

Oh, Angela, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me my credit card. I only have 35 seconds to order my

cow.

I will not.

Oh, yeah?

Angela.

Give me my credit card.

Get them myself.

Angela. Angela, I've never seen you like this, Angela.

Rubbish. Rubbish. You do garbage.

Lying. Trying to seduce me. For what? For what? For those stupid porcelain

goats? Cow. Cow, cow, cow.

I want it. It'll make me feel better.

Only 25 seconds left to get your very own creamer set.

I'm coming.

Don't you see that by buying something, it's just a temporary fix?

Who cares? You string enough temporary fixes together, the next thing you know,

you've got a permanent fix.

Just ten seconds, shopper.

Five seconds.

Where are my credit cards?

I hid them somewhere else.

Don't you trust me?

Oh, time's up. And we'll never be offering these moo cows again.

No!

I hope you're happy.

Frightened would be a better word.

What's the matter?

You're frightened.

How do you think I feel?

My whole business is falling apart.

Angel, it's just a slump. It's not the end of the world. It's the end of my

world.

Tony, advertising is the only thing in my life that I've ever been good at.

And now I'm not so good at that either.

Look, I understand how you feel.

I don't think so.

We're very different people.

My job is who I am. And without that, I'm nothing.

But Angela, I do understand.

I do. Actually, I live that. Because, look, remember one day, I was a

professional baseball player.

The next day, I was just another guy with a bum shoulder.

So what did you buy?

A lot of grief, Angela. Believe me, I was no picnic to be around.

But you're luckier than that. You're not out of the game.

Yet. Oh, no, no. You stop that, Ann. You stop that.

I mean, right now, you just have to understand that there are certain things

that are out of your control.

Tony, I hate that. Well, so did I, Ann. Just so did I. But then I realized, hey,

I'm still the same guy inside that I was when I was a baseball player.

You just got to have faith in yourself and believe, you know. And above all,

got to know.

You got to know that you're more than your job.

You're right.

I am more than my job.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Does it feel like shopping?

No. Eating.

No.

That's substituting. Sorry.

How about a hug?

Well, if you got a substitute, here I am.

Oh, sweetheart.

Hey, come on. Now, we both know you're not going to lose your business.

I know. But you know what? Even if you did, Even if you lost everything, the

house, the cars, the business, and we had to move to some dingy trailer park

eat cat food out of cans, I'd still love you.

Woo!

I want my moo cow!

I was this close.

Have a great day at school, my man. Thank you, Tony. Oh, I forgot my pencil.

got you covered.

There you go, Jonathan.