Original subtitles

Okay, so to find the roots of the quadratic equation, you do x equals

plus or minus the square root of b squared minus 4ac over 2a.

Do you understand?

Gee, you have a tiny nose.

No, you do.

And that's the only thing I got right today.

Don't worry, Dad. You'll get the hang of it. But the test is tomorrow morning,

Sam. I know, and I'm going to stay by your side until you get it. Oh,

you have such a big heart.

But that nose.

How do you breathe?

You know, when you were a baby, I used to push on that nose. This is probably

fault. Sure. Of course it's my fault. Everything's my fault.

Uh, yes?

I'm home.

No, no, no. I'm home. You're lost.

This is it. Oh, the banister.

Whee!

Oh, the fireplace.

The bay window.

Yeah, yeah. And the muscular Italian who wants to know what you're doing in his

house.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Jack Sanborn. I grew up here. Gee, everything seems so much

smaller.

You mind if I look around? Wait a minute. Hold on a second. How do I know

not some kind of psychopathic killer?

I'm a lawyer.

It's worse than I thought.

I really did grow up here.

Look, the kitchen is right through that swinging door.

There's a study around that corner.

And there are three little marks right inside the closet door. Wait a minute.

How far apart are they?

Dad, I think he's okay.

It's where Mom marked my height when I was growing up.

Oh, my dad did the same thing. Only my marks are on a wall back in Brooklyn. I

know. Those marks on the wall represent the happiest days of my life. Oh, I know

what you mean.

And coming back here, I feel like I've recaptured the joy and the innocence of

those days.

Yeah, they were simple happy times, weren't they?

Ain't no pressures, no worries, no exams.

Excuse me. Wait a minute. Hold it, Sam. Sam, wait a minute. Where are you going?

Back to Brooklyn.

Back in time to find my marks on the wall.

No, no. Wait a minute.

What about my tashie? You got a two to me.

But, Daddy, I'm only five years old. I don't even understand Big Bird.

Me either. That's why I need you to two to me.

Thank you. Thank you very much, dear.

I'm sorry.

But, look, being here has helped me make up my mind about something.

I want to buy this house.

Buy it?

I'm not sure that Angela is interested in selling it. Oh, so you don't own the

house? No, but the owner and I are quite close.

Well, maybe this will change her mind.

Have her give me a call.

That's my offer and my phone number.

Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Which is which?

Well, that one's my offer.

Well, you're kidding, because your phone number would be cheaper.

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

There's a path you take and a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my

friend. Night's so long that you might awaken to a brand new...

Oh, hello.

Hello, little girl.

Is your daddy Jack Sanborn?

Oh, good, good, good.

Is daddy rich?

No, no, no, don't go ask. No, no.

Hi, Tony.

How's your day been?

Pretty uneventful, you know. A little vacuuming, a little dusting. Almost sold

the house.

What? Yeah, this guy Walter's in here, right? He says that he grew up in this

house and he... He made you that offer.

You're kidding.

I don't know what to say.

How about sold?

Is this guy for real? I don't know. I called up his house. Some little girl

answers. She's his Sanborn residence, but then I hung up.

Oh, me.

Why don't you just call up the bank and ask how much he's got in his account?

Don't be silly, Angie. They don't give you that kind of information over the

phone, no matter how many voices you try.

You know, I don't know if I want to sell the house.

We're selling the house? Well, I got an offer.

Well, look, with that much money, we can get a bigger house. A new car?

Maybe even a sailboat?

Mother, there are other things to think about besides how much profit we're

going to make. Right, Tony? Could we call it the Italian Galleon?

Wait a minute. They offer this much for our house?

Don't sell.

Oh, you've missed the place.

Get real.

They obviously know something we don't. Wait, what are you talking about? What

do you think? What do you mean? I'm talking about oil, black gold, Texas

Okay, that's it. No more Nick at night for you.

There is no oil here.

Well, I do have a lot of great memories.

There's the coffee table where I chipped my tooth.

And the stairs where I fell and broke my wrist.

Oh, and the fireplace where I burnt my hair off.

Dump this place is a death trap.

Tony, what do you think? I'm kind of sitting on the fence, you know? Which,

according to this, is worth $30 ,000.

It really is tempting, but I don't know. I've always loved this house.

I mean, it's the first house I ever owned.

After Michael and I got married, we really had to sacrifice to buy it.

But it was worth it. Worth every penny of it. You know, the first time we saw

it, we knew it was our dream house. Well, then, how can you leave your dream

house, right? I mean, let's see what we'll say.

Could we at least sell the fence?

Tommy, what are you doing?

I'm fixing a drip.

It's three o 'clock in the morning.

I know.

All night long. Drip, drip, drip. Who could sleep?

How did you hear it all the way upstairs?

Oh, come on, Angie. What are you talking about? The walls in this house are like

paper thin. I can hear the faucet and I can hear them squirrels running across

the roof. So between the drip, drip, drip and the... Who could sleep?

Well, why is this suddenly bothering you now? It's always bothered me, Angela.

I mean, come on, this house is, it's a mess. I mean, the plaster's cracking,

there's, the wiring's old, and there's graffiti all over this place.

What graffiti?

Huh, what graffiti?

Michael loved Angela.

You're right. Every day for seven years, that's been staring me in the face.

You move the refrigerator every day?

You don't get arms like this flitting around with a feather duster, missy.

Oh, gosh, Tony, I'm really sorry. I didn't know you were this uncomfortable.

I mean, now that we're, you know, we're a couple, I don't know if I'm ever going

to be able to really think of this house as mine.

Oh, Tony, this is your place. This is our place.

No, no, no. I heard you when you said the minute me and Michael found it, we

knew it was our dream house. Oh, but that's all in the past.

Oh, you know, it's just that, you know, with us starting out a new life,

wouldn't it be great to find a place that we could call our own dream house?

place where I could, I could carve.

Not write, carve.

Tony loves Angela. I wouldn't put it behind a refrigerator either.

That does sound nice.

You know, maybe because this guy, you know, he's coming in here and making

offer. It's fate. It's fate talking to us.

What do you say, Angela?

Let's start looking tomorrow.

You mean it?

Oh, Tony, if I can do something that'll bring us closer and make me a truckload

of money, I'll do it.

Oh, Angela, bless your greedy little heart.

kitchen like this.

Angela, I can't wait for you to see this, but do me a favor. Close your eyes

before you come in. Why? I can't see anything anyway. The storm is over. We

should have electricity back on pretty soon. In any event, everything has been

updated. The refrigerator is a brand new sub -zero.

27 cubic feet with double doors and a crisper with its own thermostat. Let me

tell you, when I move that baby, I'll really get a workout.

The most unique feature about this kitchen is that...

The island range, which I think you just found.

It also has... Built -in microwave, convection oven, and a greenhouse window

my violets. Everything a man could want.

I don't have to say anything. You're doing the whole thing. Selling.

Selling, that's right, LaVon. I'm selling because there are three people

to make a bid on this house, so we've got to come up with an offer tonight.

gee, Tony, I don't know. Angela, I am going to take you in here and show you

something that will make up your mind for you. Stand right there. Tony, this

a very big decision. I don't know that I can... Oh, wow.

Angela, our own lake.

A lake, Angela.

Listen. Listen to the gentle sounds of nature.

Look!

Otherwise,

I told you, go in the kitchen and make rat noises. The rest of this house

is so fabulous. Where do you see? This is the kitchen. You got kids? Come, I

want you to see this room. It's so fabulous. Trust me, it's fabulous. The

doors look right out onto the lake. Wait till you see them. You're gonna die.

It's clear.

That wasn't very nice.

Nice? Nice, Angela? Nice don't cut it in a real estate game. Right, LaVon?

And anyway, I did it for us so that we could have all of this.

Oh, Tony, it is beautiful. Take a look again.

Take a look again.

Angela, we could have this every day. Every day we could have this. When you

come home from the city, hot, tired, and stressed out, we could climb into our

own little boat, and you could unwind.

while you roll me to the opposite shore.

Let's make it our dream, pal.

Yes, let's.

Oh, ladies, ladies, I'm just going to have to warn you. I'm going to have to

carry you over the threshold one at a time.

Sam, breakfast.

Good morning.

Did you tell them yet? No, no. I wanted us to be together when I told them.

Everybody, big news.

We put in an offer on a new house.

Isn't that wonderful?

Without asking us, how could you? Thanks a lot.

I wish we had a camera to capture their childlike joy.

There wasn't a phone there last night and there was no electricity.

Great. We're moving to Amish country.

It's a greenhouse.

It's a greenhouse.

It's got everything, including its own lake.

Really? With a dog? Yes, yes. Oh, and mother, a beautiful guest house for you

with a fireplace and big high ceilings. Really?

How high?

You could swing from a trapeze.

Have you been watching?

You want to stay with us more often? You know, you'll have your own room with a

private bath and a separate entrance.

Oh, great. So I could come in late at night and no one would be the wiser.

Or I could just come in at a reasonable hour, which is so much more, Sam.

I can't wait to see it.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hello. Oh, hello, LeVon. It's LeVon, the realtor.

Hey, LeVon, is it such a thing as a two -day escrow? A two -day escrow. You get

that? It's like a real estate.

Anyway, how do you... Wow.

Why are you kidding?

Oh, that's terrible.

Okay, no, no, we'll be there. You bet. We'll be there.

What's wrong? Did we lose the house? No, not yet, not yet. But another couple

put in the exact same offer as us, and now the owner wants to meet both

to decide who he's going to sell the house to. Oh, that's no problem. We'll

be on our best behavior, show them what a nice, respectable family we are.

Does this mean I have to wear underwear?

Of course not. It's not like we're going to meet the queen.

Of course you've got to wear underwear.

I want you to know, Mr. Baker, that we would take care of your house just as

well as you have. Well, we would take care of it better. Not better than you,

sir, better than them. Yes, because I am a professional housekeeper.

Really?

How are you going to make the mortgage payments?

She's rich.

You know, I think this is about more than just money. It's about human

Oh, brother.

Tony, shh. In fact, our little Katie here wrote a poem to express those

emotions. Go ahead, sweetheart.

My House by Katie Havlop.

All I want is a room somewhere far away from the cold night air with one

enormous chair.

Oh. Wouldn't it be lovely?

Oh, wait a minute. Take it easy. She's fine.

I don't care. She's a plagiarist.

If I were you, I'd take a second look at her refrigerator drawer. You tell her,

yeah.

Thank you very much. I think I've seen all I need to see.

Mitch Baker.

If it seems as though we're a little overzealous, it's because we are.

We think you have a beautiful home, and whoever you sell it to will be very

lucky. Isn't that right, Tony?

Oh, yes, yes.

They seem like a very fine family.

It's just that, you know, the reason we would like to get this house is because

Angela and I, we're going to get married, and we'd like to start our new

a place that we can really call ours.

You can understand that, can't you? Well, actually, I can.

Matter of fact, my wife and I started out in this house 40 years ago.

It's a wonderful place for newlyweds. Well, here we are. I think a couple like

you could be very happy here. Wait a minute. I'm planning to divorce her.

I'll marry somebody else and I'll be a newlywed too.

Daddy, are you and Mommy getting divorced?

If you hadn't ripped off my fair lady, we'd own this place.

Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. I hope you and Angela are as happy here

as my wife and I were. Thank you. Thank you.

Great home, Dan.

Great home.

Oh, and Katie, Katie.

I'm sorry you didn't get the house.

But let me tell you, okay?

Anytime you want to come back and use the lake, you can do that.

Oh,

you little shin -kicking plagiarist.

my house. Out of my house.

I must say, you folks are getting an incredible price for your house,

in this market.

Well, Jack's already 20 minutes late. Let's hope he's not having second

about buying our house. Oh, what are you worried? Don't worry about a thing.

I'll close this deal. You can... I'll simply tell him that because of his

we bought a house that we couldn't otherwise afford, and he can't back out.

That's one approach.

We could not let on how desperate we are.

All right. Right, right. We gotta be cool.

Never let him see you sweat.

Hey, Jack.

What brings you by? Oh, that's right. You're buying the house.

Well, you know, I'm kind of la -di -da about that, in case you haven't noticed.

Okay, let's close this deal. Well, if you insist.

La -di -da, la -di -da.

Let's grow papers, look them over, sign them, and the house is yours.

I can't believe all this is going to be mine.

Well, wait a minute, not all of it. The blonde comes with me, huh?

I got a lot of plans for this place. Oh, really, really? What kind of plans,

Jeff? Well, first I want to get rid of the wallpaper and paint the room white.

Oh, I think you're 100 % right. I always hated this grandma wallpaper.

And I'm going to knock out that window, put in French doors out to a new patio.

Oh, but wait a minute.

That's where my herb garden is.

Was. And right off the patio, I'm going to put in a paddle tennis court.

Is there room for that? Yeah, if you tear up the picket fence.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I measured.

No, I mean, I mean, Jonathan and I, we put that picket fence up together. I

mean, actually, I tricked him into whitewashing it. You'll never guess how.

Well, it's firewood now.

I love that name.

You can build another one.

Signed, Jack. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. What other

do you have planned, Jack? Oh, it's finer stuff.

I'm going to gut the kitchen, tear down the guest house, and push that wall out

for a rumpus room.

Well, wait a minute. That means you have to chop down the old oak tree.

It's just a tree.

Just a tree? What are you talking about? I mean, first of all, it's old. And

second of all, Angela and I, we used to sit in the swing under that tree and

watch the sun set. Well, you won't be able to see it anyway once I put in the

satellite dish.

Why do you want to buy it? Please, if you're just going to change it all.

Sentimental value.

I can't let you do that.

Stop him, please.

La -di -da, la -di -da. No, Angela, I'm not going to let him ruin our house.

Our house?

Yeah, our house. I mean, you can chop down the oak tree and block out the sun.

mean, where do you get off?

Tony, do you realize you just said our house? Yeah, so what if I did?

I did, didn't I, huh?

Well, it is our house. Hey, Angela, there's a lot of you and me in this

and I'm not going to stand by while some yuppie cheeseball guts our memories.

Why not? He's paying for it.

You have a price on memories, LaVon. Yes, I can.

Look.

What about our dream house, the one we just bought with the lake?

This is our dream house, Angela.

This is it, and I don't want to give it up. I love it here.

So do I. I always have, but are you sure you do?

Am I sure?

Am I sure?

What does that look like?

A lonely, confused man.

Would you please tell him what a great deal this is? I'm sorry, LaVon. The deal

is off. All right. Very shrewd.

How about I write down another number? No, no, no. Jack, please. No more

numbers, okay? Now, this place may be your past, but it's our future.

And we can't be bought.

There are plenty of people who can, and I represent most of them.

Hey, would you like to buy your old high school?

Is it available?

Between the science lab and the office room, line it up.

Home, sweet home.

Oh, Tony, we're going to have such a wonderful life here together. Yes, yes,

yes. And you know, the best part is, our other dream house is only two miles

away.

I'm sorry, Mr. Baker, but, you know, we're going to have to back out. It says

here that the pipes are very old.

I'll replace them. And the wiring isn't up to code.

I'll redo it.

Did we mention that we're going to gut the kitchen, blow out that window, dig

all your roses and fill in the lake?

Son, as long as your check clears, you can put in a toxic waste dump.

Oh. Mr.

Baker, the truth is we didn't sell our house and we can't afford to buy yours.

Well, why didn't you say so?

I'll just sell it to the other couple. The deal is off. Thank you, Mr. Baker.

It's a got your oil, black gold, Texas tea.

We're rich. We're rich.

Mr. Baker. Mr. Baker.