Original subtitles

Okay, so let's see. We went to the dry cleaner. We hit the bank.

Okay.

We went to the hardware store.

So all that's left is we got to go by the garage and pick my car up.

And drop yours off.

Yeah, I think so.

Good, good.

What kind of jerk are you? Look at what you did.

Sam, Sam, please, let me handle it. Are you trying to get somebody killed?

Do you have some kind of sick James Dean death wish?

I'll handle crowd control.

My record was perfect until you just plowed into me. Now, hold on. I'm the

that's sitting here with a dent in my brand new Carrera 2.

I mean, you have a tiny crack in one of your 10 ,000 reflectors.

Excuse me for not driving a Porsche, Mr.

Snob. Hey, I am not a snob.

And that is poor shot.

Just hand over some ID, Ace.

You know, you've got a big mouth for someone who's only 5 '2". That's enough.

Just pay for the damages so I can get out of here, please.

I'm not paying for that.

Well, you better. do something about it. Oh, I'm going to do something about it,

all right. Oh, yeah? What?

I'm going to take you out to dinner.

Oh, yeah? When?

Friday, 8 o 'clock.

Fine. Don't be late.

All right. Come on.

Let's move along. Move along. We don't need a crowd.

Hey, move.

Oh, hold it. Hold it. Hey, stop. Come on. That way.

Let's go. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on, let's get out of here. Are you okay, Sam? Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, you know, there's nothing worse than a guy in a Porsche.

I'll say.

And that's Porsche.

A brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my

friend. Nights are long, but you might awaken to a brand new life.

A brand new life around the bend.

All right, Angela, look.

You're guarding your man, right? So you don't want him to pass or drive around

you. So you got to get in his face and distract him, okay? Okay. All right,

on, try it.

I said distract him, not annoy him.

Oh,

you mean like this?

Two point.

Two point.

Oops.

Sorry, sir.

You. You.

What do you got against us?

Look what you just did to my new Air Jordan ball.

Now it's just a Jordan.

I'll replace it right after we get back from dinner.

We? Who we?

Your daughter and I.

You going out with my daughter?

Hi.

Pierce, I thought you were going to pick me up at the dorm.

Well, it was a little early. Your roommate told me you'd be here.

Oh.

Look at this here. The two of you, like a pair of comfy old shoes.

And me, like an ignorant old sock.

It's just a little dinner, Dad, and we're a little late, so... Oh, good. Why

don't you have dinner with us, dear Pierce?

Hey, you like Big Seedy? Oh, he's been my favorite, too. Come on. Come on in.

Come on in. Come right in the house here.

You can run, but you can't hide.

Hey, everybody.

Hey.

Look who's here.

Samantha and her new boyfriend, Pierce.

Oh, hello.

I didn't know you had a new boyfriend.

Oh, you didn't know? Oh, it's old news. I've known for nearly a minute now.

Oh, if so, how did you two meet?

Oh, Sam crashed into my car.

Oh, good aim.

Look, Dad, I know what you're up to. You want to give him the third degree,

right? No, no. I want to have a nice little dinner and a little casual

conversation.

So, Pierce. How old are you? What do you do for a living? And what's wrong with

girls your own age?

College grad?

Uh, 27. I work on Wall Street. They're fine, too, and no thanks. I'm allergic.

Boy, I hope I answered those in the right order.

Oh, 27, huh?

So I guess that Porsche must be like a midlife crisis thing, huh?

Would you mind showing Pierce into the living room while I help Dad with

I'd love to.

Your mistake wasn't hitting Sam.

It was failing to run down Tony.

Look, look, Sam, I was just... Being you, I know.

And that is exactly why I didn't tell you about him.

It's always something, isn't it? I mean, Pierce is too old, and the one before

him was too lazy, and the one before him was a vegetarian.

He reeked of carrots, that guy.

Dad, I am 19 years old. When are you going to learn to trust me?

As bad as your haircut.

All right, look. From now on, I'm a new man.

I'm a new man. I'm going to be a supportive, an understanding, a trusting

father. Well, good for you, Tony. All right, good. Let's get some more dirt

the cradle robber.

I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

So, Pierce, do you have a father?

Is he rich?

Yes.

Do you have a mother?

Yes.

Is she dead?

Hey, Pierce, look, I'm sorry about grilling you like that.

That's okay. It seems to run in the family.

I'm really interested in what you do. You know, I happen to be a bit of a

finance buff myself.

You know, I even watch Wall Street Week.

Oh. If you really want to know, I established diversified portfolios using

spreads and bear spreads to take advantage of risk arbitrage

Well, I don't watch it every week.

Sometimes the rifle man is on.

If mom runs a fever, call me.

Risk. Arbitrage, that's very impressive. Your accounts must be fairly large.

The average is about $500 or $600.

Don't worry about that, Pierce. You know, you start small and you work your

up. Dad, that's $500 or $600 ,000.

Dollars? Who would give him that kind of money? He's just a kid.

Tony, he's obviously very bright and I'm sure people trust him.

Right, right, right. Yes, he seems very trustworthy.

Now I know what a bull spread is.

mean it, Sam.

Uh -huh. No, I do. In fact, I happen to have a little mad money stashed away and

I was thinking maybe Pierce here would handle it for me. I do handle smaller

accounts. Tony, you don't need to do this. The baked ziti may be enough.

I want to do it. I want to do it. Hey, I trust Pierce with my money. Hey, I

trust him with my Sam.

I'm a very trusting guy.

Now, all of you, cover your eyes. Nobody sees where I hide my money.

Go.

Oh, you can do it. You can do it. Oh, so close.

Big hockey game? No, the financial news.

Heldar's sitting there like a rock. Pierce promised me it would go up today,

it hasn't. The pressure's killing me.

Hey, you're playing in the big leagues now.

Think how Donald Trump would handle this.

Yes, yes, Donald Trump.

Of course.

Here come the stock figures again. Oh, Marla, hold my hand.

the market isn't for you. You know, it takes a personality that can handle the

ups and downs.

Maybe you're right, Angela.

Maybe I should cut my losses before I have any.

Oh, look at this.

Teldom's up a half a point. A half a point. I'm rich.

I'm rich.

And you tried to talk me out of it.

Way to go, Marley. I always liked Ivana better.

I gotta call Pierce.

I hope he's around.

The last five or six times I called him, they told me he was into John.

I think he's as excited about this deal as I am.

Hello, Pierce.

Hey, buddy.

Hello, mine.

Did you see? Telda just went through the roof.

I saw it on my TV.

Uh, tennis -colored portable?

Yeah.

How'd you know that? Uh, Tony. Please, Angela, this is a business call. I don't

mind.

Well, Pierce...

Come here, you.

Pretend you're not a Protestant. Give me a hug.

Let him go. Never, never. I'm crazy about this guy.

Isn't that right, you goose that laid the golden eggs?

Honk, honk, sir.

I'm glad you two are getting along.

Come on, Pierce. We'll be late for dinner. Oh, dinner. What a great idea.

What a great idea, huh? We can celebrate. We'll eat, drink, and talk

strategy. Oh, Tony, I don't think Pierce wants to talk shop all night. Are you

kidding me? He's a bull. He's a bear. He's an animal.

Come on. Let's go out and kill something and eat it.

I think I liked it better when Dad hated all my boyfriends.

Don't worry about it, honey. I think it's just a temporary thing.

Do you mind if I call you son?

Hey -ho!

Got the cable for the modem.

Hiya there, Sam.

Hi, Dad. How's it going?

How's Pierce?

Oh, never mind, never mind.

I'll ask him myself.

See, from now on, Pierce and I are in constant contact.

Rockefeller to Golden Goose.

Come in!

Christmas, Christmas time is here.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Sam.

You know, um...

Tony, maybe you shouldn't take up so much of the goose's time.

Oh, he doesn't mind. Maybe Sam does.

No, no, are you kidding me? She's so happy that we get along so well.

You know, Tony, sometimes when a relationship is new, the people involved

spend time together, alone.

Oh, I get it. I knew you'd understand. Of course, of course. I mean, here we

in this new relationship, and I'm spending all my time with tears.

Come here. Come here. Come here.

You miss you, Tony?

I do not.

You don't? No.

That's not what I mean. What I mean is you've gone overboard with this

investment thing. You're obsessed.

Obsessed? What are you talking about? How can you think... Oh, I get it. I

get it. Sure.

It's not Pierce you're jealous of. You're jealous of me.

What?

Well, I mean, I am the new golden boy of Wall Street.

And it's eating you up.

Oh, yeah.

That's it. And let me tell you, I can understand why. I can understand why. I

mean, every day you go out there and you work hard to bring home the bacon. And

me? I just sit here and wait for the bacon to come to me.

You have lost it, Porky.

I haven't lost anything. Here.

This morning, Teldar opened at 28, and now it's at 15.

15?

That can't be right.

It is.

I'm ruined. I'm wiped out.

Thank God I kept my day job.

Now, with this conservative strategy encompassing a high -risk... 15.

It fell to 15.

We're all paupers. Come on, guys. We'll all jump together.

The market is falling.

The market is falling.

No, no, no, no. Don't listen to this man. He's a lunatic.

He doesn't know what he's talking about. He still drives an American car.

I am proud of it.

What, are you crazy?

You could have caused an international panic.

You. You who I trusted.

You know, I never trusted one of my daughter's boyfriends before, and life

sweet. And the first time I let my guard down?

Bang, zoom, right to the poorhouse.

That's nuts. Teldar's doing great. The starch is split today.

Split? Yes.

So, wait a minute. That means I got twice the number of shares for just

half the cost, right? That comes to, uh... Give me that.

27 ,000 yen!

Is that good?

Couple hundred bucks.

You know what this means, don't you?

What? I'm breaking out the money I got hidden in the toaster oven.

Sam, we gotta do something about your father.

I can't eat. I can't sleep.

And look, male pattern baldness.

I'm sorry, and I'm sorry about your hair.

But I've tried everything. I mean, I even had Angela talk to him, but he is

impossible.

He's dangerous.

The man almost caused an international panic today because he thought he lost a

couple of hundred dollars.

Really?

Wait a minute.

That is the answer.

What is?

Wipe him out.

I can't do that.

He's got other money in his sock drawer under the mattress in the freezer.

I'm in a real bank.

Sam, there's got to be another way. Sam and Pierce are not listening to me. I

said wipe him out. Bring him to his knees. It's the only way, you fool.

Sam, get a hold of yourself.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I just... I'm desperate.

Well, so am I. I mean, the guy is relentless.

Tell me about it. I've lived with him for the past 19 years.

You know, this always happens when guys like him decide to dabble in the market.

Yeah.

Guys like him?

Oh, you know, the little investor.

They give you a couple hundred bucks, they think they own you.

Oh, uh -huh. I'll tell you, there was nothing worse than a small -timer who

thinks he's Rockefeller.

Excuse me, Pierce. My father worked very hard for his money.

Exactly where did I lose you?

When you insulted my father.

Well, you were doing it, too.

Yeah, but I'm his daughter. That's my job.

But it's you.

You are a snob.

Oh, we're back to that again.

Well, you know, maybe I do look like a snob to people who hide their money in

major appliances.

You know, I don't think my father is the problem at all. I think it's you.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I'm out of here. Fine. And do me a favor, okay? Don't come back. Don't you

worry. Oh, hey, hey. Oh, hey.

This is P .S. you're talking to.

No.

Forget it. It's over between us.

All of us?

I was defending you, okay? He called you a small -timer.

He said that?

And worse.

Wow. Well, you know what I always say, Sam.

Sticks and stones will break my bones with all that money. Who cares?

We're better off without him, Jeff. Oh, speak for yourself, Sam.

Pierce. Pierce.

Just like my life.

My poor baby.

Oh, Angela.

Pierce.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

Well, actually, these are for Sam, sir.

Oh, it's even better, because, you know, you just get me some aftershave.

Oh, Sam, somebody's here for you. Oh, I can't wait to see her little face light

up when she sees you.

Oh, hi.

Hi. Oh, the magic's back, Angela.

Tony, I don't think they need us here. Angela, please, I want to stay, Angela.

Pretty flowers.

Very nice of you.

I felt bad there was things said that shouldn't have been, you know.

That's true.

You did say some pretty harsh things.

Harsh? No, no, no. You just misunderstood.

Oh, I misunderstood?

So this whole thing was my fault?

Well, there you go.

Misunderstanding again.

Then why don't you just leave again?

Nothing would make me happier.

So then what's keeping you?

This.

All right, Angela.

The kids straightened it out. I told you they'd straighten it out. That's great,

kids. Kids, that's... Kids, kids!

Sorry, sir.

It's all right, son.

Now put yourself together. We got business to talk about here. Tony, I...

Please, please, this can't wait.

Pierce, you're fired.

That's right. I decided that business and family, they don't mix.

Oh, I appreciate that, sir.

But as your broker of record, I do feel it's my duty to tell you about this new

stock office. No, no, no, please, please, please. I don't even want to

about it. You can make a lot of money. Clang, clang, clang with the trouble. I

tried.

Thanks, Dad.

I know that wasn't easy.

Oh, it was easy.

Are you kidding me?

Your happiness is much more important than any amount of money.

All right, go ahead. Go ahead, you kids. Go ahead. Go have fun. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Be careful.

Enough kissing.

You did good, Tony. Thank you. Thank you. Who's your broker?

What?

You heard Pierce. I can make a lot of money. I need a broker.

Um, my broker's dead.

Since when?

Since you showed interest in him. Come on.

What about our new caring, giving relationship?

Clang, clang, clang with the trolley. That's very immature of you, Angela.

All pumped up and ready to go, just like me.

So what are we playing to?

20. And how many points are you spotting me?

18.

So that means I just have to make one basket to win.

That's right.

Hot shot.

Gotta be the shoes.