Original subtitles

Hi, Sam.

It's Matt.

I figured I'd send you a videotape because in letters, I never really quite

know... Well, I mean, the words just never seem to... You

know?

Dumb as a rock, but I love you.

I'm going out of town for a while, but I'm sending you a little surprise.

It's just my way of saying, well, how much I... You know? Oh, shut

up and kiss me.

Well, that's one thing I haven't tried.

Matt sent me a video letter. What a great way to stay in touch. Yeah, yeah,

without even touching. I love it.

He looks like Deputy Dog.

Come on, let's leave these two alone.

Sorry to hear about your dorm, but if you're not happy there, you should move

out. What? What do you mean? You're not happy at the dorm, Sam? You didn't tell

me that.

Anyway, back on the home front.

Hog features are down in here.

What kind of future does a hog have anyway? Come on, what's going on?

Dad, the dorm is noisy and crazy and I can't study there. I mean, why do you

think I'm here so much?

You like me?

Get real, Dad.

Hey, hey, you guys hear this? Sam wants to move out of the dorm.

I know.

Do you blame her with all that noise?

Am I the only one that doesn't know what's going on in my daughter's life?

Hey, Sam, find a place yet?

Okay, so I'm the only one. I mean, hey, if it's so bad there, why don't you move

back here?

I'm getting real, getting real.

You know the same thing happened to me when I was in college. I couldn't study,

I couldn't sleep, my roommate was partying night and day, day and night.

Sounds like a wild dorm.

No, I was living with Mother.

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not.

The choice is up to you, my friend.

Nights are long, but you might awaken to a brand new life, a brand new life, a

brand new life around the bend.

Beth, I love this house. Yeah, it's pretty nice, pretty nice. How come

registered cheap?

Well, we're house -sitting for Professor Wolfe while he's on sabbatical. He gave

us a great deal.

Feel the ambiance. You can tell that an educated man lives here.

Professor Wolfe reads Jackie Collins.

He says he's translating her into Latin.

Go ahead, check out the rest of the house. She's a sweet girl. Hey, an Irish

Catholic second only to an Italian Catholic.

So, uh, where's the other roommate?

Oh, I think Benjamin's at the gym.

Benjamin? Is that a problem for you?

For me, no.

For my dad, nuclear winter.

But he's my fiancé.

Oh, well, that helps.

In fact, I'm kind of, sort of, almost pre -engaged myself.

So this will work out fine.

So when is Benjamin getting back?

Actually, those are his keys right there, so he must be here.

He's probably in the shower.

and I would just... Angela, get down here!

What were you doing up there?

I kept walking into the wall. I had my eyes closed.

Who is that guy?

That's Benjamin.

Does he live here or just come to towel off?

He lives here. But it's okay, Dad. They're engaged.

Oh, they're engaged. Well, we wish you all the happiness in the world. We'll

send you a toaster. Come on, Sam. Let's get out of here.

Dad, at least let's meet him and then decide.

Sam, I've already met more of him than I want to.

You're already here. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to see what he's like, dressed.

Something like this.

Terribly, terribly sorry. It's all our fault. No, no, no. It's my fault for

showering nude.

Benjamin, you must be the new roommate. No, no, no. She's not. You see, I've got

a real problem with this. And let me tell you, no one has ever accused me of

being a prude.

You know, there was that time that Father Vincente called you a prude.

Well, I just don't buy a priest in shorts.

And I don't buy my daughter living with a man.

Sir, if I may, I'm not a man.

That should be good.

I don't think of myself as an individual. I think of myself as half a

And this is my better half. So you guys have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Well, is it just me?

Or is there some serious bonding going on here, huh?

It's just you.

Tony, I wouldn't steer you wrong. The truth is we are running out of time and

need a roommate fast.

Dad, and think about it. There's one practically married guy here and

of single guys running around the dorm.

Come here.

Well, what do you think? Well, if you say no, you have a daughter who resents

you. and gets bad grades and thinks you don't trust her. And if I say yes, I

don't sleep for four years.

I don't know what to do. How about letting me be the adult and decide for

myself?

Nah.

Hi, John. Hey, Sam.

How are things going with the new roommate? Oh, great. It's really working

Bless you.

What are you doing?

I'm really happy for you. I care, okay?

Have you sustained a re... and head injury?

Don't you see? You're making my life easier. Every battle you win is one less

have to fight. Today, you live with a guy.

Tomorrow, I am in a condo with three tortoises named Bambi.

You're sick.

Sam, dare to dream.

I gotta get that kid a helmet.

How's the new crib?

I'm so hip.

The crib's in the pudding. Well, what's this? What's this?

Hey, an A in sociology, Sam. Way to go.

Hey, and I'm the first to hear about this, right? I mean, it hasn't already

on Nightline.

Okay, Sam.

Here is the video camera. Thanks. I'm making a tape of the new place I'm at.

Oh, just one minute.

If this tape fell into the wrong hands...

The senator would kill me.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

See what Sam got over here?

You mean the A in sociology?

You heard?

Oh, yeah. Me too.

Old news.

Hey, hey, hey, mister, mister, let me tell you something. Look at me.

From now on, when you hear anything, you come to me.

Okay. Mona's dating a senator.

There it is, Matt.

Samantha Maselli, my first mailbox.

Oh, look.

I may have already won five million dollars.

Let's go in and tell my roommates the good news.

They're terrific. They're so much in love, they remind me of us.

I hate you!

Guys, guys, what are you fighting about?

He's suffocating me! That doesn't mean you have to choke me.

I just wanted you to see how...

This is ridiculous. You love each other. Now, what happened?

He's always checking up on me. I just asked where you were last night. Six

hundred times.

Okay, okay.

Uh, Beth would just like a little bit more space. You can give her that, can't

you?

Yeah, of course I can. Fair. See?

Now, when you communicate, problems get solved. Is there anything else, Beth?

I think I'm in love with Gary.

Okay.

So, who's up for Yahtzee?

to come out this way.

By the way, Gary offered to take over payment on the ring.

Well, that's 12 bucks a month off my mind.

Hey, come on. These are the highlights.

Check her out in slow motion.

I hate you.

Look, she's gone. But there are worse things in life than being dumped.

Like what?

My cooking.

Here, eat some eggs.

Thanks. Hey, and listen, thanks for staying up with me last night. I guess I

just needed to cry, vent, whimper.

You know, it takes a big man to curl up in the fetal position and suck his

thumb.

Oh, yeah.

Watch out for the shelves.

Thank God. I thought it was a beak.

I got it.

Hi. Oh, hi. I must have the wrong place. I'm looking for Samantha Mastelli.

Oh, no. She's here. We live together.

Matt?

Oh, no.

Benjamin, are you okay?

Yeah, sure, I'm fine.

Would someone get the phone?

How could you do this?

Boy, the parking in this neighborhood.

I mean, hey, Sam, would you like a little surprise I brought you, huh?

Knocked me out.

Why didn't you tell me that she was living with a man?

Oh, wow.

Well, wait a minute, Matt.

He's not a man. He's not a man. See, he's half of a couple.

He lives here with his fiancee. Oh, she's a terrific girl. You're going to

her. You'll meet her. Wait a minute. Beth!

Beth! Dad, you're going to have to yell a lot louder than that.

Beth!

No, Dad, she moved out last night.

What? You didn't know that, sir? I don't know anything about my daughter

anymore. I've been very behind lately. I'm hoping she's going to come out with

newsletter.

You slept in this house alone with him?

All we did was talk.

Talk? Yes, talk.

You know me better than that. We trust each other, don't we?

You're right.

You're right.

Oh, geez. I'm really sorry for hitting you, partner.

Hey, what are jaws for?

You see that, Matt? A little talk, a little trust. Things straighten

out, don't they, Matt?

You're a wise man, Mr. Maselli. That's me.

Sam, get your things. I'll help you move out. Hey, I got some boxes back at the

house. I'm not moving out.

What? I knew it wasn't going to be this easy.

Well, you're not staying here.

Oh, yes, I am. No, you're not.

You got to run the ropes, man. I like it here.

We'll just get a new roommate.

Boy or girl?

Maybe one of each. Oh, you're not going to take that, are you, man?

You listen to me, Sam. No woman of mine... Oh,

you were doing so good.

I was my own person, and I intend to keep it that way.

Yeah, well, I don't intend to have you live here with some good -looking guy.

Yeah, everybody thinks so.

Over here, over here, over here.

If this is the way you're gonna act, I have to wonder if we have a future.

Then maybe we don't.

about this arrangement here.

And we'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?

Okay.

I better go find Matt before he blows all this change on a mechanical bull.

I just cannot believe he hit Benjamin. I mean, he always seems so gentle.

I don't know. I think it's kind of nice for a guy to fight for you.

That's why I try never to date bleeders.

But nothing was going on, Mona.

Well, we know.

But you have to put yourself in Matt's place.

You walk in, you see your boyfriend in his pajamas with another girl having

breakfast. What would you say?

Everybody into the pool.

I know, but where does he get off ordering me to move out? Sam, don't be

to throw away three wonderful months because of five bad minutes.

You know, every ten years or so, She comes up with a real gem.

Very good, dear.

Thanks anyway, guys.

Poor kid.

It's so hard being 18.

You remember what it was like?

I'll let you know next year.

Well, hi.

Hi. Hey, you know, I've been thinking.

Maybe I should go over to Sam's and talk to her, huh?

She was just here.

That's it.

That's it. I got to hang a bell on that kid.

How's she doing?

She's confused.

Oh, it's all my fault. I should have put my foot down when she wanted to move

out of that dorm.

Or not.

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, where do I draw the line?

Maybe it's not your job anymore.

But I was so good at it.

I don't believe in them.

Okay, got any bubble gum?

Okay, let's go. Come on, you come with me. Come on in here, pal. You come and

talk to me. We can play account executive.

You can be the account manager.

Again?

I just came over to pick up my bags and say goodbye. Oh, Matt, hold on a second.

Sam was just here. She wants to talk. You want to talk, don't you?

What's the point?

Matt, I can't believe you're giving up so easy. I mean, cowboys are supposed to

be strong and forceful and have gum.

Doesn't it bother you that she's living all alone, just a bedroom away from some

strange guy?

Maybe a titch.

But you see, Matt, it's taken me 18 years and about 63 ,000 cans to realize

Sam has to make her own decisions. Now, she's usually pretty good at it. We're

just going to have to have some faith in her.

Yeah, but that's easier said than done. Because sometimes I just get so, just

so... Here.

Thank you.

No problem. I get them by the case.

Auto set, auto stop.

Yes.

What are you doing in here?

Cooking us dinner.

My specialty.

Wieners on a wire.

Smoked wieners on a wire.

I'm not really very hungry.

Hey, you owe me. I ate your eggs.

Okay. Okay.

Wait a minute.

Candles, flowers, real blades?

This isn't supposed to be like a romantic dinner, is it?

Romantic?

Come on, please.

What kind of a silly idea is that?

I've got a crush on you.

Well, maybe a little romantic.

Look, Benjamin, I'm really flattered, but I don't think this is such a good

idea.

Yeah, you're right.

Why not?

Because we both just broke up with people.

Yeah, okay, I know, but in the short time that I've known you, I mean, you've

been really great.

And I feel really close to you.

That's because you're vulnerable right now. You're on the rebound. That's why

you think you're having these feelings for me.

with machines and women.

Come on, you're a terrific guy.

You think?

It doesn't take much to encourage you, does it? Hey, what do you want from me?

I'm on the rebound.

I'm sorry.

Friends?

Friends. Friends, okay.

Samantha!

Oh, no, not again. I gotta get Blue Cross.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this just because there's a fire and

a romantic dinner and two people kissing does not mean, Sam, what the hell is

going on here?

Nothing. Yeah, well, it sure looks like something to me.

Just stop by Sam's on the way to the airport, you said.

You can't leave without saying goodbye, you said. You have to trust her, you

said. Well, people usually don't listen to me that closely.

Obviously, you're one of those typical, eastern, liberal, permissive parents.

I will have you know that he is the most old -fashioned, most opinionated, most

narrow -minded man I have ever met.

Thank you, Angela.

I'm just glad I found out about you now.

Obviously, you're not the woman I thought you were.

You either.

Matt, wait.

You cannot just walk out every time you catch me with another guy. No, wait. Let

me rephrase that.

Nothing was going on.

Hey, listen, she's telling the truth. I tried some of my best moves on her and

zip.

You.

I meant that to be helpful.

Which I guess it wasn't.

Bye.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

Why don't you believe in us?

Look, Matt, you've invested a lot of time and effort into this relationship.

Don't throw away three wonderful months for five, okay, maybe nine.

Bad minutes.

I gave her that.

I guess I just have to learn to have faith in you.

I gave him that.

Mine was better.

All right.

Why don't we just start over?

And if you want to live here, it's okay with me.

I didn't give him that.

That means a lot to me, but I'm going to move back into the dorm.

You would do that for me?

No. For me, it's too crazy here. I wound up trading in one set of problems for

another. I gave her that. See, now it's two to one.

All I can say is... What I really mean is that... Dumb as a rock,

but she loves him.

I don't care. I don't care. I don't like the idea of you and your friends going

into the city alone.

But it's daytime.

Boy, Tony let Sam move in a house and I can't even go see a movie. It's not

fair.

Sorry.

Okay. Yes.

One less battle you have to fight.

Bless you.