Original subtitles

Have you seen my gold purse?

Oh, yes, it's in your closet right next to your box of fat clothes. Oh, wait a

minute, wait a minute.

Aren't we the perfect ten, huh?

Thank you.

Takes a ten to know a ten. Well, I guess we got each other's numbers, huh?

Boy, we're really going to knock them dead tonight, huh?

That's my date.

Would you mind letting him in?

Mind? Why would I mind? I happen to like Peter, huh? Well, it's just that it's,

um, it could be, uh... Awkward? A little. Oh, well, no more awkward than

you see me with Kathleen.

We're being very sophisticated, very Cary Grant. Oh, indubitably.

Oh, oops.

Mustn't keep the poor chap waiting.

Ta.

Bit of a chafe there, what?

Hey, Peter, Peter, welcome, welcome.

Oh, where are you going all dressed up? Oh, out with you too, old bean.

My, I do tickle me so.

Allow I.

Allow I.

Hi, Tony.

Hi, Kathleen.

Kathleen, what are you doing here? Well, I thought I'd pick you up.

Is there a problem?

Well, actually, I, uh... Hi, hi. No, no, no problem at all. Hey, Angela, look

who's here. It's Kathleen.

Hey, Kathleen, look who's there. It's Angela.

Why? Hello. Oh, yes, and this is Peter, Angela's boy, uh, date.

And, uh... And this is Kathleen, my, uh, my, uh... My word, look at the

time.

Oh, would you mind setting me up? Of course. Sure. Oh.

I guess that's your domain there, Peter.

I can't get it.

Um, allow I.

Oh.

That's in my job description, you know.

Well, look who's here.

Bob and Carol, Ted and Alex.

We better get going.

After you.

You beautiful, nice.

Oh, look at the stars.

Life in Hooterville.

Angela's not, uh, back yet.

Oh, Angela's dating. Peter is really bothering you, isn't it? No, it's not

bothering me, Mona. Let me explain something to you. When a woman is hooked

man, she glows and Angela is not glowing. I wonder what their hug and

time is really like.

That's none of your business.

But my guess would be brief.

Peter almost choked at dinner. Who's the pork?

Pork is bad, Tony, bad.

All right, Peter.

There, there.

Pork all gone. No pork here, Peter.

It was awful.

Some man had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him. He grabbed him from

and pulled with all his might.

I've paid to have that done.

Listen, Angela, I'm going to have to pass on the awards dinner tomorrow

Oh, Peter, that's all right. I understand. You go home and get some

All right, here, let me help you there, Peter.

There you go.

Drive safe.

Avoid pork, Tony. I hear you, bro. I hear you.

Okay, give us the details.

There isn't much to tell. We were eating. Suddenly, Peter couldn't talk,

pointed to his throat.

And then, out of nowhere, Christopher appeared.

What?

Christopher? Peter's savior.

You were so calm about it all. He just grabbed him and he pulled and he shot

that pork a good six yards.

I was afraid that he was going to hurt Peter, but he didn't.

Angela, there's a dreamy sounding man named Christopher on the phone for you.

He can't see you on the phone.

I didn't even hear the phone ring. It was the... weirdest thing. I was feeling

depressed because I can't find a summer job when something told me, Sam, pick up

the phone.

And there was Christopher.

See, now I know something wonderful is going to happen.

Good night, Father.

And peace be with you.

Oh, Christopher, how nice of you to call.

Peter? Oh, Peter!

He's fine, he's fine.

Listen, I was wondering, are you free tomorrow night?

Because I have this awards banquet and you are?

What? You what?

Terrific.

Well, I'll call you tomorrow with the details.

I can't believe you just did that. Neither can I. Neither can I. I mean,

a man out that you've only known for five minutes?

Give me a hug.

A pig with a wooden leg?

Wait a minute, that's my joke.

Yeah, but he made it funny.

Not that yours wasn't.

It's just that it's funnier when it's told by a Greek god with smoldering eyes

and a butt to match.

Come on, come on, nobody can be that handsome.

Is he?

Dad, you've never seen Christopher? No, every time I'm here, he's not.

Oh, he's here right now.

You just missed Christopher.

Oh, was Christopher here? Oh, what a shame.

You really, really have to meet Christopher.

Oh, he'll be here tomorrow night.

Oh, that's too bad, because, you know, I'll be over at Kathleen's making dinner

for her.

There'll be other chances.

Well, adieu.

Yes, adieu to you, too.

Christopher.

Yeah, Christopher and I go way back. I'm so glad he introduced us.

taking lessons at school?

No, Dad, I never touched a flute before yesterday when Christopher said it in my

trembling hands.

Uh -oh, we forgot about Mr. Sensitive.

I am not Mr. Sensitive.

I'm just worried that this guy has my loved ones taking up fly -by -night

like music.

If you'll excuse me.

were any Kathleen's for dinner? Well, I was, but you know, all my utensils are

here, you know.

That'll be Christopher. Oh, is Christopher coming here?

Let him in.

You got pimples.

Yes, sir. Thank you for pointing that out.

Tony, Tony, is this Ethan Christopher?

No, ma 'am. He was delayed and sent me to pick you up.

Oh, I don't believe it. I missed him again.

You are dying to meet him. No, no, no, no, I'm not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you are.

No, I'm not.

Well, why don't you join the two of us at Le Fleur restaurant?

Oh, please, look, I'll meet him next week.

Oh, he'll be in Rome on business.

Well, then, over the weekend.

He'll be in Athens.

Greek God Convention?

That's in December.

Vegas? I've got a booth.

He asked me to go with him.

To Athens?

For the weekend?

We're moving a little fast, aren't we?

Kind of, but I've never done anything like this in my life before.

Maybe it's time.

What?

Are you going to let her do that? What am I supposed to do? Tie her up and lock

her in a bedroom?

That's how I met my husband.

Ernie, Ernie, I got to talk to you. I'm here for you, pal.

Have a seat.

I have become obsessed with a man.

See ya.

Not you, not you. It's this guy that Angela's dating.

Every time I try to get a look at him, I miss him. And it's doing things to me.

Last night I had this dream of a faceless man taking all my loved ones

Heavy. Yes.

What do I care? I mean, I'm dating a fabulous girl in Kathleen. I mean, what

I care about some mystery man who's got Angela all aglow?

As they say on the continent, l 'amour n 'est pas facile.

What does that mean?

It means wake up and smell the chipped beef, homeboy.

This is a very fancy place.

Well, nothing's too good for you, Kathleen.

Shall we?

Good evening.

May I help you?

Yeah, table for two, please.

Do you have a jacket?

Well, yeah, but it's at home.

But hey, I did bring the pants.

You keep that up, your face is going to freeze that way.

Oh, that's very... Thank you.

Thank you very much, dear.

You got anything in a shark skin?

Right this way, please.

Uh, oh, excuse me. Here, over here. This table, that table's not going to be any

good. What's wrong with it? It's too close.

I mean, it's too crowded.

I mean, you know, we need room to spread out. We may want to lie down.

How about this table over here? Is this better? Oh, that'll be excellent.

Would you like a blankie?

A bottle of red wine will be fine. Thank you. Thank you.

We may want to lie down.

You know, the food here is very heavy.

I'm thinking of the sea bath.

Could you grab the maitre d' and make it white wine instead?

Of course. Thanks, you're the best.

Oh, for you, I'd, uh... I'd, uh... What?

Uh, something, something, something, you know.

Well said.

I'll be right back.

What do you mean?

It's you.

I'm very sorry.

What are you doing, sir?

I was just checking out the dessert tray, you know. You know, that seven

cake only has six layers.

I warned you about that face.

You're a lovely couple, really.

Hi.

Thanks. You know, I really like white wine better.

A bottle of red wine, son?

White. White. How many times do I have to tell you?

At least once, son.

Cheek. Learn the language.

You've been acting very strange all night.

Well, I am feeling a little weird.

You know, I think I need a breath of fresh air. I'll be back.

Hide again.

How's dinner?

Hey,

hey, come here. Come here.

Come here.

Where did that guy go that was sitting in that chair over there?

You mean the nicest customer it's ever been my pleasure to serve?

Yes, where is he? Men's room, bought a minute ago. Thanks, thanks, thanks.

At least.

Looking for something?

Yeah, a man.

of smoldering brown eyes.

Thanks.

Same to you.

You know, I've been trying for quite a while to get a look at you.

Oh, boy.

Do I know you?

Yeah, yeah, I'm Tony Maselli.

Finally, here we are. I can't believe it, you know? Together, face to face.

So this has been a dream of yours?

Actually, you have been in my dreams.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Well, listen, this has been a lot of fun.

But I have a lady waiting for me. Yeah, well, that's what I want to talk to you

about. You see, look,

you're about to take away somebody who's very special to me.

And she's kind of fragile right now, you know what I mean?

And I don't want her to get hurt or to be unhappy.

So do me a favor. Just take good care of Angela.

Who the hell is Angela?

I'm with Jeannie.

Jeannie?

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Hello again.

Hey, come on. Let's get out of here.

What? We haven't even ordered yet. Yeah, well, look at this lousy table they

gave us. And I'm not crazy about this jacket either.

That's it, Tony. I'm not going anywhere until I find out what's going on. I want

a little honesty here for a change.

All right.

All right.

I'm being followed by the FBI.

All right, look, you deserve the truth. I dragged you down here so I could get a

look at Angela's date.

Angela's here? Yeah, yeah.

Don't look. Don't look.

She's moving a little too fast with this guy, and I got worried.

About what? She's your boss.

Or is she more than that?

Well, I mean, she's kind of more than that, but not like you think.

I mean, hey, look. I'm here. I'm back. I'm with you 100%. I don't care if I see

Angela's date for the rest of my life.

Is that him? Where? Where?

Where?

Call me when your whiplash heals.

Oh, but Kathleen, Kathleen, wait. Don't, don't, don't, don't go. Don't go,

please, don't go.

Mr. Hunter, are you all right?

Yes, yes, yes. And please, call me Christopher.

Christopher?

My God, I, I hear music.

Could I have that blankie now?

Kathleen, it's 10 .33. Please pick up the phone, because it's really hard to

grovel to a machine.

But I'll try.

Please.

Hi, Angela.

Oh, you and Kathleen have a nice evening? Oh, fabulous. You know, quiet

at home, little vino, little pasta, little Sinatra.

Oh, did he drop by?

And you?

Oh, Tony, I had the most entertaining evening of my life. I never laughed so

hard. Yeah, well, what was so funny? You.

You saw me? Yes.

Every humiliating moment, and you thought you could handle this.

I mean, hey, it's tough to be detached after all we've been through, even

we haven't been through it.

Look, you're dating someone, I'm dating someone, anything can happen.

So, I guess that means you're going out then, sir? No.

I don't feel I know him well enough.

Oh, well... That's not really the point.

You showed a marked lack of maturity tonight.

I know.

I know.

Cary Grant wouldn't have a problem with this.

I know. I know.

Hello?

Hold on.

It's Kathleen.

The nightmare continues.

Hi, hi, snookums.

I know.

I know.

Oh, my gosh.

It's Christopher.

He's been indicted on 26 counts of conspiracy and fraud. I knew it.

I knew that guy was too good to be true. What else does it say? Oh, a lot. It's

even got a picture of him. A picture?

Oh, thank you, God.