Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life up down the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken.

Choice is up to you, my friend.

Not so long, but you might awaken to a brand new life.

Brand new life. A brand new life around here.

There, huh?

Now, if I could just get this one ugly spot out here.

Wait a minute.

That ugly spot is me.

I got a blemish.

Angela's photo shoot is stressing me out.

Tony.

Chill out.

Mona, you don't understand.

Angela's client picked my kitchen because they wanted a combination of

and hominess, you know? Millions of people are going to see this ad, and I

my kitchen to look perfect, from the Osterizer to the Melon Ball.

He's doing a dog food ad here. Dogs don't use appliances.

You see, Mona, that's how much you know.

Scooby -Doo has a microwave.

Dad, how do you know? Hey, I read.

Now, come on. Let's work, girls. Let's work.

Sure, sure. Got it.

More coffee or just a check? No, thanks, Tony. We're all done.

Trish just recommended one of her models who I think will be perfect for the

app. Oh, great, great. As long as she doesn't clash with my kitchen.

You'll love her, Tony. Your eyes pick up the blue in your Brillo pad. Excuse me,

Trish. Brillo is pink.

You must be thinking of SOS.

Oh, my mistake.

That's okay.

By the way, Trish.

Does your agency ever handle the olive -skinned, Mediterranean, Roman god type?

Tony, I'm sure she's got a fig leaf with your name on it.

Angela,

the way you talk. Oh, I'll get that.

Hey, Mr. McSally, how you doing?

Hey. I'm doing great. How are you doing? I can't complain.

Oh, that is terrific.

Really? Who are you?

Charlie Briscoe from Brooklyn.

Wait a minute. Little Charlie from next door? You're kidding.

When I left there five years ago, you were two feet tall. What happened?

I grew.

You kids are your crazy fans.

Come in there, sweetheart.

Oh, by the way, did somebody park a yuppie -looking convertible out there

the top down? Yes. Why?

Because somebody's sprinkler is watering your front seat.

I'd love to stay in shot, but that would be dumb. No, no, no. Dumb is leaving

your top down next to a sprinkler.

The passenger seat must be soaked by now. Can I give you a lift?

Tuesday, Angela. Yes, Trish, thanks a lot. Trish, moment.

Hello, Charlie. I'm Angela Bauer. Yeah, I know, I know. Sam told me all about

you. You're Tony's boy.

Now, you're more than a boy. You're more like a friend.

No. It's more than a friend. It's almost like you guys got something going.

Well, not actually going, but maybe some type of... Oh,

those kids. They say the darndest things, don't they?

Wilma?

Betty?

Archie? Jughead?

They always had these cute little names for each other.

Pinkface? Farfbreath?

Their relationship had a rocky period.

What are you... you doing here?

Well, me and my mom in the area visiting some cousins. I thought I'd come look

you up. Oh, great. Come on. You've got to see my room. Yeah, I want to check

how the other half lives.

Okay. Hey, well, hey, back to the kitchen.

Tony, which is harder to get off the floor, butterscotch or hot fudge? What?

Whoa, nice.

Nice. Very nice. Hey, cool boots.

Birthday present from Angela.

Whoa, check out the stereo.

Oh, Dad got that on sale.

Hey, you got a lot of great stuff.

Briscoe, are you visiting me or casing the joint?

Look, I just came here to see if an old friend was interested in having a little

fun, that's all. What kind of fun are we talking about?

Fun, fun. You're allowed to have fun out here in Happy Swell Meadows, aren't

you?

Yes. Good. So what do you say me and you ditch school tomorrow?

Ditch?

I can't believe how together Charlie seems. You know...

When her father passed away, I tried to chip in and keep an eye out for her.

But, madonna mia, what a handful she was.

Always getting Sam in trouble.

Tony, you know, people change.

You got in trouble when you were a kid. So did I.

You, Angela, come on. Get out of here.

I know that it's hard to believe.

But when I was in high school...

Do you know that I had to write a 15 -page paper on Henry James?

I hated Henry James so much that I could only write 14 pages.

Do you know what I did?

I shortened the margins by a quarter of an inch. I retyped the entire paper, and

I handed it in as if it was a real 15 -page paper.

Ooh.

Angela Bauer.

Rebel typist.

Oh, come on. We'll have a blast.

No, I don't know.

Miss Sally, you've gone soft. How come I can do this and you're hung up on your

conscience? Because my conscience has a tattoo and carries around a big mop.

See? That's the beauty part of my life now. Since I left home, I make my own

rules. What do you mean you left home?

That's right.

Charlie Briscoe is a free agent on her own, answers to no one.

Isn't that great?

You ran away from home?

Charlie, you can't do that. Your mother will go nuts.

No, no. The only thing my mother cares about is her boyfriends.

That guy Bob?

Bob? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Then Larry, then Phil, and then another guy named Bob,

then the first guy named Bob came back, and then there was this guy's name I

never knew, so I just called him Bob.

Risco, what are you going to do?

Anything I want.

Hey, Charlie, what do you say? Stay for dinner?

Dinner? Won't we be messing up America's favorite kitchen?

We're going to get a bucket of chicken and eat in the yard.

Yeah, dinner sounds great, Mr. Maselli. Okay. I really got to be on my way.

Hey, what's the rush?

Why don't you sleep over?

She doesn't have any school tomorrow, Dad.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll call my mom. It'll be all right.

Tomorrow's teacher's conference day. Oh, yeah.

I used to live for those teacher's conference days.

Those snowstorms and, yeah, yeah, them Jewish holidays.

All right, Charlie.

Happy Hanukkah.

Isn't this great? No school today. Shh.

He is right in there.

I know I'll feel a lot better about this.

I've had a great time at the beach, and I have a great tan.

Oh, my God, a tan.

He's going to know we did.

Hello. Use sunscreen.

Now, look, go in there, act like everything's cool, and it will be, okay?

Hello, girls.

Good morning. Good morning. Ready for breakfast?

What do you mean by that?

I mean, you're going to let us eat in the kitchen?

Of course.

What are you kidding? Come on.

Come on, then.

Just stay on the runners.

Don't drip any coffee over there.

This is no longer an obsession. It's a twisted cry for help.

I just want my kitchen to look perfect. Is that so wrong?

Yes.

All right, come on.

Come on, let's eat here. Help yourselves.

Neatly.

Oh, where are my manners? You are a guest in this house.

And if you weren't a guest, you'd know to be a lot quicker.

Reminds me of my mother.

Mom, I don't feel so good. Not on my floor.

Honey, well, you don't have a fever. What's wrong?

I just feel kind of achy.

Oh.

Well, maybe we should just stay home today, Jonathan.

Yeah.

Ah, come on, Jonathan.

Sweat it out. Be a man.

At least sweat it out.

You know, something's going around my school with this exact...

symptoms. Really?

Mm -hmm. But it's real easy to cure.

Gamma globulin.

Gamma what?

What's that?

A big, thick needle in your butt.

How do you feel now?

Easy, kid. Hey, that stuff works fast.

Come on, Mother, let's go. We have a busy day.

You know, Angela, I'm feeling kind of achy, too. Nice try, Mother.

You'll miss me when I'm gone.

We'll see.

Bye, girls.

Hey, listen, I got to run, too. I got an early class.

Now, Charlie, what time are you heading back to the city?

Well, actually, I'm going to spend a day with Sam. It'll be fun to go to a

school. I don't have to go through a metal detector.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see, I know how that is, boy. You know, it used to be a lot

more fun when Mrs.

Malatesta used to frisk me herself.

See ya.

Right. Yes.

And with the radio blasting, going cruisin' just as fast as she can now.

And you'll have fun, fun, fun till your daddy takes the T -Bird away.

You know, I have really missed hanging out with you, pig face. Yeah, well,

with me, boss breath, and then body never stop.

Cut.

Kills me.

And that's the name of that tune.

Whoa, Sam, look at the time. We're going to be late. We better get going.

Really? What are we doing dressed like that? We have to go change. Freeze it

back here.

I knew something was up.

How?

How?

Fatherly intuition.

A keen sense of human behavior.

And I left my chem book home.

All right, young lady, get yourself ready for school.

And also get yourself ready for a lengthy grounding.

And another thing, you know we don't take these fluffy towels to the beach?

And you, I'm calling your mother right now.

Oh, no, Dad, you can't. I'm sorry, Sam.

Mr. Maselli, you can call my mother, but she's not going to care. Your mother's

going to care plenty. What's the number?

555 -69.

Let's see here.

Hello, Lorraine.

This is Tony Mastelli. I used to live next... Right, right.

Well, to tell you the truth, I'm a little upset. You know, your daughter

stayed here last night with Sam so that today they could cut school.

But don't you worry. I'm bringing her to Brooklyn right now.

What?

But Lorraine, this is your daughter you're talking about.

Yeah, I know, but how can you...

She hung up, didn't she?

What'd she say?

She said, uh, keep her.

You don't have to do that.

Hi, Tony. How's Charlie?

Oh, she's fine.

I'm a basket case.

I went down to Brooklyn to talk to her mother.

Thought how'd it go?

Not good.

She kept calling me Bob.

Look, let's get another bed, put it in my place. She can stay with me for a

while. I hardly ever sleep there anyway.

Does she have any other relatives?

Yeah, she has one, but he's a horse's behind.

Tony, you're talking about her family.

No, no, he really is a horse's behind.

He works in a traveling circus and he plays the backside of a horse.

Where does he put his head?

I like to visualize.

Unbelievable.

Where does he put his head?

Forget the horse here. What are we going to do with Charlie? We just can't kick

her out in the street?

Well, she can stay here tonight.

And tomorrow she can help with the shoot.

And after that, I feel so bad for that poor

girl. I mean, she is just so young. No one to care for her. She's just a child.

Excuse me, Mom.

to do it.

And you, you just stood there and let it happen.

Well, she seemed too dangerous to approach.

I don't want to know why you have lipstick on your nostrils.

Dad? Yeah? I know what we can do with Charlie.

Oh, really? Let me hear, let me hear.

Let her stay with us.

Charlie needs somebody around her full time. Do you understand?

Yeah, I understand.

You've changed.

You used to be the first person to help a friend in trouble.

But now that we're living here in Happy Swell Meadows, you don't care.

Okay, I know where he puts his head.

Okay.

I know what's wrong here, Eddie. Look, give me some life on that counter. Mess

it up.

Yeah, that's it.

That's it.

Good, good, good.

the kitchen.

What have you done, you barbarian?

Now, Tony.

What do you mean, Tony? Look at my... Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

smudging my toaster.

Why don't you just stick me through the heart with a knife?

Eddie, get the knife.

You'll never work in this kitchen again.

Hey, Tony.

How's it going?

Trish, I can't work like this. I'm washing my hands of the whole thing.

Your housekeeper is so tortured.

Is the model here yet? Oh, she's upstairs getting made up. I'm sorry

She had a little trouble with her car.

She couldn't find it.

Hey, did someone tell Miss Lipgloss that she's hogging the John?

And that perfume, where did she get that stuff?

I gave it to her.

Couldn't wait to get rid of it, huh?

Trish, you remember Charlie?

How could I forget?

Angela, I need to get some test shots with the stand -in. Oh, sure.

Charlie, how would you like to be our stand -in and stand -in?

Well, you know, Angela, I'm only in high school, but I think I can handle it.

Here I am, darling.

How does my light look?

Fabulous. But you need to stand where the star is going to be.

Yeah, I thought I was.

Chomper is the star.

I'm standing in for a mutt.

I can't expect him to do it. Too much light makes the tail droop.

Of course.

Oh, boy, it doesn't get any better than this.

Down on all fours, what, your face in a bowl of beef byproducts?

Bill,

Chomper's here, but we've got a problem.

He went berserk when he saw Mr.

Clean.

That's one big chihuahua, man.

I think the shoot went pretty well.

Yeah, it went really smoothly.

Once you put Tony in the backyard.

Could I come in now?

Yes, Tony, you may come in now.

Would it have killed you to leave me a bowl of water?

I'm sorry, Tony. Would you like me to scratch behind your ear? Oh, don't do

that. My leg thumps.

Do you think Charlie would be interested in becoming a model?

What?

Well, take a look for yourself. The camera really looks this girl. Not bad.

Not bad. She looks great.

And you know what else I like? Notice the way the gloss from my linoleum gives

her this great back light.

Sweet. I know faces.

I think this girl could have a future. I'd like to work with her. Do you mean

it? Great, Trish. Trish, that's great. You know, she's really a fun kid. She's

quiet. She's well -behaved. Tony.

Well, to be perfectly honest with you, she can be a real... Pain in the neck.

I was thinking a little lower.

Defiant, rebellious, headstrong?

Those two.

It's a lot to ask to take on someone like that.

It is.

But then I'm a glutton for punishment. Bring her in. Oh, great, Trish. That's

great. Yo, Charlie.

Yo. We'll kill her.

Yo, get in here.

Hey, I don't have a cow.

Did I mention she has a mouth?

Charlie, how would you like to quit your job as a doggy stand -in?

What? And give up show business?

I'm talking about becoming a real model.

Okay, so finish the joke.

No joke?

You can live with me and the other new models and I'll train you.

on any medication.

Not yet.

So, is it a deal?

All right, all right. Stop twisting my arm.

Go get your stuff. Go get your stuff.

Oh, Trish, thank you.

Hey,

Charlie, how'd it go today?

Get this. Trish just asked me to be a mile.

No. Yeah, I'm gonna go live at Trish's house so beauty.

Charlie, that's great.

Yeah, well, we'll see. If nothing else, it gets me out of your father's hair.

Yeah, look, I'm really sorry you couldn't stay here, but you know my dad.

I'm so disappointed in him.

Oh, yeah, you should be.

A guy who moves you to paradise, gives you everything you need, helps a kid he

hardly knows.

What a bum.

You know, I'd forget Father's Day if I were you.

Hey, Sam, you know what? I feel like cooking. How about a little lasagna?

And I was going to say chicken.

Now,

remember, be very careful while you're in Manhattan.

Visit Charlie and see what a model's life is like. Okay, okay, but remember

these three things. Number one, do not make eye contact with any weirdos.

Gotcha. Okay, and number two, don't let Charlie talk you into anything at all.

Check. Okay, and number three, if you get a chance, put these to Trish.

Eight by ten glossies?

You never know when she's going to need a Roman god.