Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

Open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life up down the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

And found a trail.

And at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken.

Choice is up to you, my friend.

That's so long, but you might awaken to a brand new life, a brand new life, a

brand new life to run with me.

be here in five minutes. I gotta go upstairs and wash my face and brush my

and put on a new sweater so when the doorbell rings, please answer. Thank you

much. Bye.

From now on, we buy only caffeine -free cola.

Oh, the boyfriend returns from the sea.

How adventurous.

How romantic.

How smelly. He was out in the Atlantic sucking up oil slicks.

So, what do you think?

Ah, she walks in beauty like the night.

Nice jams, too.

Come on, you look terrific. Max is going to love that outfit. I don't know.

Something's not right.

And I love that scarf.

Oh, that was it.

Oh, I'm so looking forward to this evening. This is the first anniversary

fourth kiss.

What's so special about that?

It lasted two days.

Do me a favor. Keep an eye on my buns, will you?

Okay. Mother.

Ahoy, matey. Welcome ashore. Boy, you see, I'm going to be happy to see you

landlocked.

Nice to see you again, Tony.

I mean, Mr.

Maselli.

Mr. Maselli? What are you kidding me, Jesse? It's me. It's Tony.

Well, I'd be more comfortable with Mr. Maselli.

What are you talking about?

Well, I can't explain it to you right now.

Oh. Come on, Jesse. Hey, hey, oh.

We're buddies, right? We're pals. Pal of mine.

If there's something eating you, I want to know about it.

Well, um, I'm breaking up with Sam. Say what?

Ow, Tony.

That's Mr. Maselli to you.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen.

But why, Jesse? Why?

Well, I just feel that our relationship has ended.

Well, is it me?

Because I could change. I really can.

I found someone else.

I have to sit down.

She was on the same boat with me, and we found we shared the same dreams. Who

cares?

What about my Samantha's feelings?

Oh, I've missed you.

Oh, I've missed you, too.

Hi.

I think we could do this without you. Oh, yeah, sure, Sam, sure. Excuse me,

yeah. But, Sam, if you need me, I'll be right in there. Okay, Dad. Okay,

sweetheart. You know, right behind this door, close by, as I always am, you

know.

Dad, we're not going to do anything.

I know.

My baby's getting dumped.

Oh, it is so good to see you. I want to hear everything that happens on the

ship. Uh, no, you don't. Oh, I've got tons of plans for us. First, we'll go

to Bonnie's and then... Oh, wait, before you make any more plans, I have to talk

to you.

Talk?

Happy talk or uh -oh talk?

Well, Sam, um... Uh -oh.

Hi, Sam.

I made some manigotti. You want some?

No, thanks.

You feel like talking?

No. I'm pretty busy. I got a week's worth of clothes to be put away.

Two, but who's counting?

Hey, let me help.

Now, Sam, I know about you and Jesse.

Well, these things happen.

Well, how are you doing?

Great.

Relieved. You know, I was going to give him his walking papers. He just beat me

to it.

Well, I can understand that. I mean, hey, you want more time to spend with

friends, more time to spend with me.

Well, more time with your friends, anyway.

Yeah, I'm really excited.

Now, if you don't mind, Dad, I'd rather just do this by myself. Oh, sure, sure,

Sam, of course. But, Sam, before I leave, let me just say one thing. You

every dark cloud has a silver lining.

I mean, what I'm trying to say is it's always darkest just before the dawn.

What I mean is the sun.

The sun will come out tomorrow.

I'm using a lot of cliches, aren't I?

That's your bottom dollar.

That's your bottom dollar. It's cute.

You know, Sam, just one more thing, though. You know, for every door that

closes, another opens.

That. Close it.

Hey!

Angel, look, it's Samantha!

Hi, Samantha!

You feeling better, honey?

Dad, I told you I'm fine. I'm just very hungry.

Did you hear that, Angela?

Samantha's hungry.

Yes. Oh, my. The road to recovery. I remember.

I used to eat tons of food every time I got hungry.

Hey, monster.

What do you say?

I say men are scum.

Filthy testosterone -filled slimeballs.

Never bothered you before.

Mother, did you and Max have one of your little tiffs?

My tiffs are not little.

I mean, there we were, finishing this incredibly romantic dinner, slowly

licking the creme brulee off of each other's fingers.

And do you know what Max wanted to do next?

What?

He wanted to go home and watch Carson.

He wanted to go home and watch Carson?

All I wanted to do was to go to Africa for an after -dinner drink.

Somebody couldn't get a nightcap in Jersey?

Dad, it's a hot new club.

Oh, that Africa.

I mean, I was right in the middle of telling him he was a gum -flapping old

when he stood up, gave me the key back to my apartment, and walked off.

The nerve.

Oh, Mona.

You got dumped.

Dumped? No, I got left.

There's a world of difference between getting left and... Damn, I got dumped.

Mother, I'm so sorry. I know how much Max means to you. Is there anything I

do? You already have, dear.

I paid for dinner with your charge card.

My pleasure.

I know how you feel, Mona. Jesse was no better. His way was the only way.

Don't you just hate the way men take you for granted? Yeah.

Never asking what you want to do. Yeah.

Always thinking that they're right. Yeah. Never admitting that they're

Yeah. Yeah, and when they are, it's always our fault.

Tell it, sister.

at last.

Great God Almighty for you.

I always stop and ask for directions.

Remember this one, Jesse?

The radio played it on our first date.

Samantha? Are you okay?

Fine. I'm just going through my records.

Oh, right.

I love you.

And dear Michelle, I love you and I'll never leave you. Never.

Michelle, I'm gonna puke.

If you're just going to sit here and yell at the TV screen, why are you

this? Oh, it's got a great ending.

Stephen's car drives off the cliffs and bursts into flames.

Right, right.

And I have to tell you, I've been seeing your sister on the sly.

That's okay.

I'd rather share you than lose you.

Hello?

We got one woman screaming at the TV, and we got another one scratching

We are not in a happy mode here, Angela.

Tony, getting dumped is a serious business.

You've got to give Mother and Sam time to sort things out. You have got to give

them their space.

Yeah, how about to the moon? Is that space enough?

Tony, don't go out there. It's not safe for men in this house.

What happened, partner?

Well, I passed through and said, what's up? And Grandma said the toilet seat,

and it was all my fault.

It's not your fault.

I was just going through this phase where she has these feelings about men.

What feelings?

Well, um, hatred.

There's a lot of that going around.

That's it. That's it. I've been very patient with these two wackos, but now

somebody's got to go in there and talk some sense into it. Honey, wait a

Wait a minute. We've got to do this logically.

These women were hurt by men. You are a man.

Ergo, a woman should talk to them.

I am not a man.

I am a father.

I am gender neutral.

Right, right.

Ergo, I'll be at the library. Good luck, woman.

Sam, could you come down here, please?

Ah, they're kissing.

Why did you do that? I was enjoying myself.

But if Angela... I'd like to have a word with you.

Oh, brother, here it comes.

I think it's time we had a heart -to -heart.

To heart.

I know what you've been through.

You've risked.

You've loved.

You've lost.

But do you really think it's going to help to sit around the house consumed

hate?

Yes.

There is an important resource in this house. A resource that can provide

and sustenance.

And do you know what that resource is?

Natural gas.

Sisterhood.

Don't. Don't sell it short.

Thanks for trying to help, Angela, but Mona and I are doing just fine. fine.

She's right, dear. If we want advice about relationships, we'll go to an

Like a Gabor sister.

A Gabor sister, huh?

Okay.

Okay. Let's go with that.

Let's go with that.

With or without a man, the Gabor sisters have always maintained their joie de

vivre. You wouldn't catch them moping around the penthouse. Uh -uh.

Joshua popped up on the Merv Griffin show. Ava went out and did Green Acres.

point is they remain active and vital.

We could all learn from a Gabor.

I'll leave you with that.

No record scratching.

No screaming at the TV.

Something's different.

And they're both going out to dinner.

Amen and hallelujah.

And all it took was a little sensitivity, a little understanding, a

nurturing. Just some of those woman things.

Well, Angela, I want to thank you and your women things.

The paparazzi are going to pop their beepers. Oh, I can't wait.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold up with the va -va -va -voom. Where are you going?

Where are you off to?

Africa. Mona's taking me for a hot night on the town.

How hot?

Dad, don't worry about it. I'm with a responsible adult.

Hi -ho, Silver.

Oh, your daughter and my mother going out together. Isn't that a pretty

Well, it all depends on how you look at it. What do you mean?

Well, I mean, given Sam's vulnerable state, I'm not sure she should be going

at all.

Don't worry. She's with Mother.

Well, that's another thing.

What? other thing is that?

You know, Mona.

No. Suppose you tell me.

Maybe we should drop this subject. I want to know.

You know.

What kind of crack is that?

My mother happens to be a wonderful woman whom everybody loves.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Gee, you know!

Would that be all?

Do you really think he believed you were Zsa Zsa? Well, it got us this table,

didn't it?

Excuse me, sir. We'd like some water, please.

Would that be Italian, Canadian, Swiss Alp, French Alp, Adirondack, or our

amusing little domestic blend?

We'll have two Swiss Alps with a twist, non -carbonated, and light on the queue.

Whoa, you really know your water.

Excuse me, ladies.

You alone?

Alone.

How can we be alone when there are two of us? Or perhaps you think because we

are without a man that we are incomplete.

Well, sir, you are looking at two very complete human beings who do not need a

male companion.

I just want to borrow the chair.

He wanted us.

Definitely. Guess who's back?

Is it the woman of my dreams?

It better be, or you're in big trouble.

Did I ever tell you that I'd die without you?

Why wait?

Come on, Mona, let's just ignore them.

Cheryl?

Yes, Austin.

Will you make me the happiest man alive and become my bride?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. What are you, deaf? She said yes.

Hey. Hey, everybody. She said yes. We're getting married.

More than the greatest love the world has known.

This is the love I give to you.

More than the simple words I try to say, I

only live to love you more each day.

I know I never lived before, and my heart is

very sure.

So do you want sardines for an appetizer?

I bet she'll make a pretty bride.

It was kind of romantic.

I mean, if you like that sort of drivel.

Yeah, who needs it?

Right.

Right.

You miss Jesse?

Are you kidding? No way.

I miss Max. Really?

Really. I do miss Jesse.

I can't believe I just said that.

I'm having such a good time.

It's just I keep on thinking about him.

It doesn't make any sense, does it?

It doesn't have to.

But it still hurts.

Kills.

Well, we risked.

We loved.

We lost.

And sooner or later, we'll do it all over again.

Perhaps sooner than later.

It's 11 .02 and they're not back yet. Well, they must be somewhere between the

male strip joint and the tattoo parlor.

I know I never lived before And my heart

is very sure No one else could love you more

You're drunk.

Nope, it's the water talking.

What did he put in that water?

Nothing. We had dinner, we laughed, we got invited to a wedding. Life is good.

Yeah, well, how good? What kind of good?

Clean good.

16 -year -old good.

PG -rated good.

And this R -rated lady is exhausted.

Bye, chum. Mona.

Thanks.

I could have never gotten through this without her.

That lady is the greatest.

Good night, Dad.

And let me tell you another thing about my mother.

She's the greatest.

This is so sad.