Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the

Open road and a road that's hidden.

A brand new life I found for being.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken.

The choice is up to you, my friend.

Nights are long, but your night awaits you to a brand new life. A brand new

life. A brand new life for you and me.

I say we eat. I say we wait.

I say Angela has held us up long enough.

And if she doesn't like us starting without her, then it's tough noogies on

Blondie. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Leave Angela's noogies out of this. Come on.

What's with Angela? Anyway, she's been working late every night this week.

Ah, business is booming.

Sometimes I just have to take the phone off the hook.

I told Angela to stop trying to do it all herself and to get some professional

help. Ah, too late for that.

She's burned out every shrink in Connecticut.

Angela, I'm sorry we started without you. I tried to talk him into waiting.

It's okay.

I brought home a surprise. Everybody to the living room.

Oh, Angela,

a man.

You shouldn't have.

I want all of you to meet the new... creative director of the Bauer agency,

Ballantyne. Jack is my mother, Mona. My son, Jonathan.

My housekeeper, Tony Maselli. And his daughter, Samantha.

What does a creative director do?

Well, in my case, just sit around all day and act goofy.

What do you know?

I'm a creative director.

Jack, let me tell you, I'm glad you signed on with Angela because she's been

working way too hard and now you can work way too hard.

No problem. Hey, is it too early to ask for a raise?

Yes.

Hey, listen, aren't you the same Tony Maselli who played second base for the

Cards? Well, indeed I am.

You know, I saw you play a bunch of times. Didn't you once hit a grand slam

against the Mets?

Jack, if it lives in your memory, then it happened.

I love this guy, Angel. I love him. You've done it again. Done what? Managed

hire a witty, dazzling, and delightful employee.

I don't know where you find us.

Well, I don't want to keep you nice people from your dinner. I just came by

pick up some files.

House rules. Come for files, stay for chicken. No, I couldn't impose.

Tony the Chef extraordinaire.

All right, I lied. I could impose. All right, Jack. Perfect.

And after dinner, we'll get a jump on the kids' potato chip account. I feel

jumpy already.

Okay, hey, hors d 'oeuvres coming up. Jack, please, calm down.

Make yourself comfortable.

Hey, uh, Jonathan, do you like magic?

You bet.

Okay, well, now, when I first learned this trick, it was with a quarter. But

inflation being what it is, a dollar.

Huh? Wow.

Did you see that, Sam? Neato.

Yeah, neato.

Can you make little blonde kids disappear?

Now, you look like a woman of expensive taste. What do you say we change this

dollar bill into a ten dollar bill, huh?

Oh,

nice work.

Where do you have to look to find a hundred?

Okay, okay.

Who feels like a wiener?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, not for nothing, I happen to do a little magic

myself.

Mona, what's that behind your ear?

Jack already did that one.

Oh. Well, try another one, Tony. Well, it's pretty much my act.

Well, I have another one.

Can he bake a cherry pie?

and experience in salt.

Since potato chips, sodium you can sink your teeth in.

No, Angela, I just got up to milk the cow.

You guys realize it's four o 'clock in the morning?

Sorry, we just get carried away.

Yeah, we were trying to find something to brag about with this chip.

It sure isn't the taste.

Sure is a lot of merriment down here.

It's kind of infectious.

to hone in on the freshness.

Right.

I got it.

I got it. I got it. Are you ready for this?

You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You ready?

Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

Well, don't you get it? Don't you get it? They're so good and so fresh, they

disappear. Goodbye.

You like it, huh?

You hate it?

Tony, don't feel bad. We've been working on this for hours. If we get anything,

it'll be a miracle.

That's it.

What's it?

We open the commercial with a guy sitting on the couch watching TV.

He reaches for a bag of Sid's potato chips. He opens the plastic resealable

bites into a chip, and wham, his face lights up.

Voice over comes on. Sid's potato chips, so fresh, it's a miracle.

Wham. The guy's transported to the Red Sea, bites into a chip, the Red Sea

parts. It's a miracle, right? I love it. I love it, Jack. You are terrific. I am

a genius for hiring you. And I am a genius for accepting the job. We're both

geniuses.

You two Einsteins don't mind. I think I'll go catch some Zs. Oh, uh, Tony,

go in the kitchen so we don't disturb you. Good night, Jack.

Good night, Tony. Good night, Tony.

Dr.

Jack to the rescue.

Get on your back.

Excuse me?

Come on, come on. Give me your toes.

My toes?

My toes.

Trust me.

The fault, dear Angela, lies not in thy neck, but in thy toes. Jack, no.

Yes. No.

Yes.

Oh, that's nice.

Sam, your egg's okay?

Yeah. You want any more juice?

No, thanks.

You think Jack's cute? What?

I said you want any more juice?

No, you asked about Jack.

Oh, well, since you brought him up.

You think Jack's the kind of guy that women find, I don't know, cute?

No way. I mean, he's a really nice guy.

But he's not going to break the needle on the drill meter.

Oh, good, yeah.

That's what I thought, too.

You know what, Sam? Me and you have the same taste in men.

Great.

Well, it's time to learn.

Come on, Jonathan.

I'll drop you off at school.

Sam, do you think I could sit in the front seat this time?

No.

Have a good day, Kai.

Good morning.

Good morning, Angela.

Isn't life wonderful?

You bet it is.

Tony, you know, I want to thank you for pushing me to hire someone.

Hey, what are friends for, huh? Jack is just so great to work with. He's witty,

he's charming, and he's cute.

Cute? I mean, I really hadn't thought about it. Well, in a Woody Allen -ish

of way.

You know, when you connect with people up here, Here, you just see them in a

whole different light.

God, Jack stimulates me.

I don't know why you all dressed up.

Oh, well, I have a date with Judy.

Judy? I thought you didn't want to go out with her. Well, I've been thinking

over. You know, I've got to get out more.

I mean, you're always out with your friends.

Angela's working late with Jack all the time, and Jonathan has all those little

slimy creatures to play with, and so does Mona.

Oh, there's Judy now.

Wait a minute, you're letting her pick you up? Well, she insisted.

Oh, I'm impressed.

It's almost the 90s and you finally caught up with the 70s.

Hey, I come a long way, baby.

Have fun. Okay, babe.

Hi, Judy.

Hi, Tony.

Come on in. We've got plenty of time before the movie. Anyway, my boss is

to be down in a minute. I really want her to see you. I mean, meet you.

Have a seat.

Oh, you look lovely.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, listen, I hope you don't mind me picking you up. You see, I have my

reasons. My ex -husband picked me up on our first date and the marriage ended in

ruins. I needed to break the mold.

Okay.

Seems fair.

Anyway, you said on the phone that you were...

Really looking forward to tonight?

Yeah, sure. I mean, besides going out with you. I mean, I haven't seen some

it hot in years.

And that scene in the sleeper car really cracks me up.

Ed, that's my ex -husband. He used to say that that was our movie.

Those words came back to cruelly mock me when he ran off with his secretary.

Judy,

why are we going to see this movie if you're going to feel cruelly mocked?

Can't run away from it forever.

Oh, that's the attitude.

Tell you what, let's look at today as a point of new beginnings, huh?

You're right, you're right. Enough of my problems.

Oh, isn't it amazing how Tony Curtis could turn himself into an attractive

woman? Not unlike the bimbo when she stole my man, my house, and my Mazda.

Well, the good thing is you're not bitter.

Hey, what's the point?

I'll tell you what, let's just... I actually liked the cheap slut when I met

her.

That she would plunge me into the worst nightmare of my life.

Judy, maybe we should talk about something else.

What's the matter? No stomach for a page out of the book of life?

Listen, it all started when they began working really long hours together.

Long hours?

Their work nights got longer and longer.

Ed stopped spending any time with me. He didn't need me anymore.

Well, that's awful.

What do you know?

Look, I'm sorry.

This wound is very fresh.

I thought I was ready to date. Clearly, I'm not. But, Judy... Some other time.

But, Judy... Wait, wait, wait. Judy, Judy, Judy.

Tony, if you need me, I'll be at Jack's.

Angela, what is it? Don't you two take a break? Oh, Tony, he is working out so

great. that I'm thinking of giving him a piece of the potato chip account.

Oh, hey. Hey, oh, Angela.

You think you're giving away a little too much a little too soon? I mean,

long, you'll want a piece of this and a piece of that.

You'll be giving away pieces all over the place.

It is so sweet of you to worry, but I know what I'm doing.

I'm a big girl.

Oh, my.

Don't you look spiffy.

of a special night?

Sort of. I'm going to defrost the refrigerator.

Tony, I've been thinking you should get out more.

Bye.

I feel so cruelly mocked.

Dad, I just want to let you know that Bonnie's coming over. Then we're going

get something to eat and then we're going to go to the library.

Okay. And yes, I have my heavy sweater on. and yes, I will be home by 10.

That's good.

And then I'm going to go to the airport to marry a Hare Krishna.

That's nice.

Dad, wake up.

Are you still upset about what happened last night with Judy?

No, Sam. I'm fine, really. I'm fine.

Come on, Dad. Get it off your chest. You'll feel a lot better.

Sam, I don't want to burden you with my troubles.

Dad. I am not just your daughter. I am your friend.

I'm here to listen, to give you advice, and to make you feel better.

Oh, well, okay.

See, Sam, it all started... Bonnie's here. Got a bail.

Thanks, Sam. You're a rock.

I don't mean to alarm you, but your shorts are on fire.

Christine Angela's red notebook.

Yeah, it's right over there. Why? Oh, I've got to messenger it to her. She's

coming home tonight.

Not coming home? Why? Where is she? At the plaza. She and Jack have a

presentation in the morning and they're staying over.

Staying over?

Yeah, you know how it works. You check into a room, they put chocolates on your

pillow, you steal their towels.

Well, that's not all Jack's trying to steal, Mona.

Everything else is nailed down.

I'm talking about the Bauer agency.

Jack is trying to steal it away from Angela.

Tony, you've been sniffing too much spray starch.

Oh, yeah, Mona?

Oh, yeah? Let me tell you something. Jack is a taker. He's a taker, Mona.

Didn't you see him take that extra helping of noodles au gratin at dinner?

No, that must have slipped by me.

Tony, come on. This is pretty thin stuff.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Well, that's just what Philly Capasso said to his wife

she told him about Patty Lawsina.

Are you going to relate this situation to a story about colorful characters you

knew back in Brooklyn?

Well, not if you're going to deride me.

But suffice it to say that a good friend of mine lost his whole business to

someone he trusted piece by piece.

Ah, I see what's going on.

Someone's jealous.

Jealous? Of Jack?

Me? I laugh.

Ha!

Come on, admit it. You're jealous of all the time Jack's spending with Angela.

I laugh again.

Ha -ha!

Come on, I mean, sure, they're spending every moment together, and they eat all

their meals together, and you know something, Mona? He pulled around with

big toe.

Tony, you have nothing to worry about. Jack is just a nice, cute guy.

Yeah, you know, in that Woody Allen -ish way.

I know, I know. I've heard this theory. Look, my only concern is to protect

Angela's interest in the Bauer agency.

The Bauer agency. I've got to call the messenger. If Angela doesn't get this

notebook tonight, she's going to blow her roof.

Just a minute.

I happen to know a messenger service that'll get this there right on time.

201.

202, 203, 204.

Champagne, chocolate mousse, and oysters. They got every Afro -Dijak

man.

God,

Jack stimulates me.

No. Yes.

No, yes.

Can I have some more noodles?

That does it.

No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What am I doing? I can't break in the guy's

door. I mean, Angela has her life. I have my life. I gotta stop thinking like

this. It's just that... It's just that I'm so afraid of her being seduced. I

mean, of course, in a business sense, but...

I mean, even though she's a big girl, in a lot of ways, she's a little girl. You

know, she's so trusting. I mean, it would be very easy for her to lose her

business to a guy who's cute in a Woody Allen -ish sort of way. Do you know what

I'm saying?

My God,

I'm going... I got to get out of here before I do something crazy.

The plate had a stark, barren quality, but I found it uplifting. You are so

stimulating.

What the heck?

Oh, gee,

that works in the movies.

Hey, what are you doing here? The question is, what are you doing here?

Well, it's kind of personal.

I bet.

Why you?

Tony? Not now, Angela.

Why you?

Why?

Why you devil you?

Tony, I want you to meet my girlfriend, Carol.

Nice to meet you, Tony. Nice to meet you too, Carol.

What are you doing here?

Well, I...

Oh, I had to bring this notebook down here, and I must have written the wrong

number on the book, and then I knocked on Jack's door by mistake.

Well, if you'll excuse us.

Yeah, you're excused. Hey, go eat another oyster.

Cute guy.

You don't have to bring this all the way down here.

have called a messenger.

Well, messengers, you know, they're so impersonal, and I wanted to wish you

luck for tomorrow.

I am so lucky.

You're always watching out for me.

Come on.

I'll buy you a cup of coffee. Oh,

yeah, thanks. Oh,

Tony. You want to hear something funny?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

You know, Carol, Jack's girlfriend.

She was getting jealous of all the time Jack and I were spending together.

She thought we were...

Having an affair.

Some people, huh?

Shouldn't try to lift the refrigerator when you mop the floor.

On my shoulder.

Now, according to Jack, every organ is connected to all the nerve endings in

your feet.

Angela, I do not believe in that stuff.

Here's your liver.

And I think this is your spleen.

And this is your...