All language subtitles for whos_the_boss_s04e17_the_matriculator

There's a time for love and a time for
living. Take a chance and face the

An open road and a road that's hidden. A
brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

And found a trail.

And at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not
taken.

The choice is up to you, my friend.

Not so long, but you might awaken to a
brand new life. A brand new life. A

new life, vote down for me.

All right.

All right. All right. Dr.

Bauer, we're ready for the heart.

Oh, Jonathan, this isn't a heart. This
is a spleen.

But he'll never know the difference.

Did you know that if you stretched your
intestines out from end to end, they

reach 25 feet?

Oh, good to know. You know, if I'm ever
lost in the woods, I'll leave a trail.

Oh, that's disgusting.

You're my kind of guy.

I mean, I can't believe that, Bonnie.
She is so irresponsible.

We're supposed to be at the Molly
Ringwald Film Festival, and she... Fully

flaked on me. And for what?

Uh, a date?

No, some dumb college prep course.

College prep.

Gee, some people have no priorities.

Wait a minute.

Bonnie's taking a college prep course?

Why aren't you taking a college prep
course?

Because college is three years away.
Pretty in Pink starts in 20 minutes.

Oh, well, wait a minute. Sam, you know,
you're a sophomore now. You know, you're

going to be taking your college board
soon. You should be thinking about this

stuff. I have been thinking about it. I
don't even think I want to go to

college.

What? You don't want to go to college?

What, are you kidding me?

Samantha, that's insane. It's crazy.
This is the blackest day of my... Can we

talk about this?

Dad, there's more than one way to get an
education.

Maybe Jesse and I will want to go
bumming around Europe for a couple of

huh? Oh, bumming. Bumming. Oh, that's
good. Then when you're finished with

you can come back here and start your
career as a bag lady.

Who's to say that a bad lady hasn't
learned from her experiences and

with honors from the school of life?

I'm to say.

Oh. Well,

don't you think there are other options?

Yeah, yeah, college or death.

Look, Samantha, what are you kidding me?
Look, the day you were born, that's the

day I bought the frame for your college
diploma, huh?

You're going to be the first Miss Kelly
ever to go to college. And I'm going to

be the first Miss Kelly ever to work
like a dog for the rest of my life to

for it.

Right this way, please. As you can see,
this is a typical Ridgemont College

classroom.

Ample sunlight, good use of space, and
an unobstructed view of the men's

gym.

Where are you going? Get over there.

Come on. Mona, the whole idea of this
trip is to get Samantha interested in

higher education.

All right, all right. Sam, right in this
very classroom, I studied Plato,

Aristotle, Spinoza, all the great
thinkers.

Hey, Grandma, how come your phone
number's carved on the desk?

I also did some tutoring.

Now,

Sam, Sam, the idea is that this isn't
just a room.

This is a place where you can be
whatever you want to be.

I want to be at the Cineplex.

Sam, Sam, look at all the things you can
study.

Anthropology, archaeology, biogenetic
engineering.

Ooh, biogenetic engineering, huh?

Now, that has a nice ring to it, doesn't
it, Sam?

Picture this, picture this. You're
walking down the hospital corridor.

wearing your white little coat, you
know, and everybody's saying good

Good morning, Dr. Maselli. Good morning,
Dr. Maselli. Oh, isn't that Samantha

Maselli, our new biogenetic engineer?

Oh, Dad.

Or you could be a movie critic, huh? All
I'm saying is, is that college, college

is a great place to be.

How would you know? You never went.

Okay, okay, don't take my word for it,
huh?

Take it from two people who know, huh?

Magna cum laude and magna cum raude.

All right, girls, she's all yours. Work
her over good.

You won't have to work me over. I
already know I'm going to college.

Maybe biogenetics isn't such a bad idea.
It could help avoid future mutants.

Come on, now.

Jonathan, Jonathan, why don't we go back
there and take a look at the old globe,

huh? But I already know all the
countries on it and their capital.

Sam, my four years in college were the
most glorious years of my life.

And believe me, I've had a pretty
glorious life.

Come here.

You know, when I first went to college,
I was a shy little wallflower.

But when I graduated, I was a woman who
knew something about the past and was

excited about the future.

And I was exposed to ideas I...

I never even knew existed.

And when I walked up there and I got my
diploma, I had such a feeling of pride.

I mean, it was more than just a piece of
paper. It was thousands of years of

history and knowledge and teachers and
students all saying, Angela Bauer,

one of us.

That was beautiful, dear.

So, sweetheart, what do you think about
college?

I'm going.

What did you say?

I'm going to college.

But Tony Michelli's going to be one of
them.

Okay, all right. This is good. This is
good.

I hope so.

Hey, how you doing? Oh, just working
away here, Angela. Just working away.

know, I've been working on my math and
on my essay for my application.

And I've been working on my vocabulary
skills, too. You know, Angela, I'm

intensely cognizant of your pulchritude
that's even -tied.

Thank you, Tony. You look foxy, too.

Wow, you know what I said.

Yeah, college education.

Hey, you know, if I get in, we could
have more of these conversations. We'll

know who'd want to.

Tony, you have been at this night and
day for two weeks.

I am really proud of you. Well, you know
how it is with us Missellis. It's

nothing half hog.

You know, it's the whole pig or nothing,
you know.

Hey, hey, hey, check out what I gleaned
from these tomes.

That means learn from these books. Oh,
very good, very good.

All right, you want me to... Come on,
answer me some questions. All right,

test you on your verbal skill. Okay,
okay, verb me, verb me.

Okay, okay. All right, glove is to hand,
a sock is to... Foot.

Correct. Hey, hey, hey, come on, come
on, answer. Give me something a little

harder. That was too easy. Give me
something to really flex my brain cells

Okay. Okay.

Oh, here's one.

Desk is to book as bench is to... Judge.

No. No, no, of course not. Not judge.
No, judge.

Park. No, no, park.

Desk is to book as bench is to... I know
what the question is. It's the answer.

All right, all right. Don't get rattled.
Just concentrate.

No, no, no. As bench is to basketball.

No, it's not basketball.

Well, I... I could use some help here.

Tool. Oh, tool. What did you tell me?
All right, all right.

You know what? Let's just switch gears.
We'll just go on to math. I know you

would. Come sit down. I knew that.

Who knew that? You should have known it.

Oh, math. All right.

You have a jar of red and green jelly
beans. Okay.

The ratio of red jelly beans to green
jelly beans is five to three.

Five to three. Okay.

If the jar contains a total of 160 jelly
beans, how many of them are red?

Red. Okay.

Okay. Five to three.

160.

Carried a bean.

60. 100.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. No way.

She's right, Tony.

She's right, yeah.

Well, then answer this one.

A girl was supposed to be in bed a half
an hour ago. Her allowance is $15 a

week. How much of that money will she
lose before she can say goodnight?

Goodnight.

Good luck tomorrow, Dad.

Thanks, sweetheart.

I'm going to need it.

What are you talking about? You don't
need luck. Everything's going to be

I don't know, Angela. Maybe I want it
too much. Maybe I'm just not cut out to

a college man.

Because you love blue questions, you're
overreacting. But, Angela, it's just

something about me and Tess.

You know what I mean? I mean, ever since
grade school, I never do good on them.

No, well, you don't do well on them. No,
no, no. You're going to do well. You

will do well.

You'll do good. Good. You'll do good.
Now, stop fretting.

All right. Okay.

Come on.

I get it.

Gosh.

Do

you

know the answer to that one?

Uh -uh. Haven't got a clue.

Figures. Miss Goody two shoes. Nice
hair.

I hope she doesn't call on me.

Yeah. Me either. That's one tough battle
axe.

All right.

Anthony?

Uh, who, me?

Daydreaming again, Anthony? No, no, no,
sister, no. What was the question?

How many jelly beans are red?

Ah, well, uh, well, what jelly beans?
Where's the jar?

How am I supposed to know? You know the
answer. Help me, help me, help me, help

me.

It wouldn't be fair.

I'm waiting, Anthony.

Well, uh... Does anyone else know the
answer?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Samantha.

I know, sister, that's easy.

It's 54.

That is correct, Samantha.

And just for that, you get to go to the
Molly Ringwald Festival.

Oh, thank you, sister. And I believe
it's my duty to let you know that

tried to get the answer from me.

No, no, no, no, no.

I didn't do it. Well, Anthony, I'm going
to have to call the mother superior.

Is there a problem, sister?

Is it Anthony again?

Yes, mother.

I'm afraid he doesn't test well.

Oh, wait a minute, sister.

I wrote my essay good.

It's well, Anthony.

Anthony, this page is blank.

No, it can't be.

Well, sister, I know I wrote it. I did.
I wrote it good. I did.

Anthony, I am afraid you are in over
your head.

He'll never be a student. Oh, no, you're
wrong.

In over your head. Never be a student.
No, you're wrong. Anthony, you're wrong.

Never be a student. You're wrong.

You're wrong.

You're wrong.

You're wrong.

You're right.

Hi. Hi.

Well, you know, couldn't you ban it? You
know, it's 8 .30. You're supposed to be

taking your test.

Oh, well, I decided not to take it.

What are you talking about? What made
you change your mind?

You and that superior mother of yours.

I don't understand.

Well, look, Angela, I'm just not going
to go to college. I mean, things would

fall apart around here. I mean, first
there'd be dust balls and dirty dishes.

Before you know it, you have a bad case
of grout mold.

Tony, we've already discussed this.

You finish your housework in three
hours. You have the rest of the day for

classes. Look, Angela, could we just
forget about it? I made my decision,

Well, if you won't listen to me, at
least listen to yourself.

Oh, come on. No, not my essay. It's
terrible. Come on. It means different

to different people.

To some, it's a way to meet girls and
blow 50 grand of your parents' savings.

Look, Angela, I know what I wrote. When
I was a kid, I used to sit on the fire

escape and look up at the stars and
think, there's a lot more out there than

can see.

And there's a lot more out there to each
of us than what we know.

Come on, Angela, you're embarrassing me.
My friend, Frankie Pesh, had a set of

encyclopedias that his mother bought at
the market.

I got up to volume C, and then he moved
away.

I know everything about Aardvark,
Bastille Day, and Samuel Clemens, but

still a lot of questions I need answers
to.

To me, college is a place to dream out
loud, a place to catch up on what I

missed in volumes B through Z.

Dad, you wrote this?

To think all these years you could have
been doing my book reports.

Tony? It's a beautiful essay.

It's sincere, eloquent, and honest.

Well, you think you do? Yes, I do. Well,
you know, the first joke could be a

little sharper, but it has a nice build.

Dad, aren't you supposed to be at your
test right now?

Sam,

your father's decided not to go to
college.

Oh, you're not serious. I can't think of
anything you ever wanted so bad.

Well, Sam, maybe I don't want it so bad.

So that means you made up all the stuff
you wrote in this essay.

Well, no.

Dad, you know, if I didn't know you
better, I'd say that you were... What?

No, nothing. No, no, no, no. You go
right ahead and you say it.

Chicken. How could you say that?

Dad, it's okay.

Hey, just do what you tell me to do when
I have to take a test.

Take a deep breath, count to ten, and
jump in.

I said that?

Gee, sounds kind of feeble.

That's what I thought.

But it worked.

Mail call.

Did it come? Did it come? I don't know.
I haven't had a chance to go through the

mail yet. Let me do it. Let me do it.

Didn't come.

Look what I found in my other hand.

Give me that.

I can't open it. I can't open it. Get
your mitts off of that, will you?

Hey, my whole life is in here.

If I scored 450 or better, I'd go to
college.

If I didn't, well, they'd retire my mop
and put me in the Housekeeper's Hall of

Fame.

Come on, 450.

Come on, 450.

And it's a two.

Two hundred?

No. Two.

Gee.

That was some lucky pencil you gave me.

Well, well, well.

Well.

Well?

You couldn't have scored a two.

Nobody is that stupid.

We know that, Mr. Mackey. Can you tell
us what the problem is?

You see where it says, don't mark this
space?

Yes. He marked that space.

Wait a minute. Let me see that.

Oh, so I started marking my answers on
the wrong line.

That's right.

You threw that computer into an awful
dizzy.

Do you think that you could score it by
hand?

Comment. I don't see why not. All right.

Oh, you mean right now?

Maybe it's not too much trouble.

Add it up.

One hundred.

Two hundred.

Three hundred.

Four hundred.

Four hundred. Four fifty.

Ten.

Twenty.

Four hundred.

Four hundred and thirty.

Two thirty. Four hundred and forty.

Would you come on?

Well, he's driving me crazy.

He made me lose my place.

Now I'm going to have to start all over
again.

What?

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Young people don't have a sense of humor
nowadays.

Let's see. Your score is...

445.

Oh,

hold your horses.

I forgot to carry the one.

What does that mean? It means I got 446?

Your final score is 545.

545?

Come on, Angela.

We did it.

Angela, you feel like having a brew at
the Ratskeller with a college man?

Rah -rah, sis -boom -bah.

Oh,

boy. Oh, I love college life, you know?
Oh, the student union, the library,

the beer nuts at the Ratskeller. You
know, even the nuts.

He's smart. Well, then you ought to be a
genius. You ate about a pound of food.

Looks like you two have been celebrating
the big 545.

That's right, Mona. You know, now that
I'm matriculating, I'm doing the Joe

College things.

Well, in that case, I suggest you quit
the partying and hit the book.

Oh, get her.

What a kidder, huh?

Anthony, I am not kidding.

She's back.

Thank you.