Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

And found a trail.

And at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken.

The choice is up to you, my friend.

Not so long, but you might awaken to a brand new life. A brand new life. A

new life, vote down for me.

All right.

All right. All right. Dr.

Bauer, we're ready for the heart.

Oh, Jonathan, this isn't a heart. This is a spleen.

But he'll never know the difference.

Did you know that if you stretched your intestines out from end to end, they

reach 25 feet?

Oh, good to know. You know, if I'm ever lost in the woods, I'll leave a trail.

Oh, that's disgusting.

You're my kind of guy.

I mean, I can't believe that, Bonnie. She is so irresponsible.

We're supposed to be at the Molly Ringwald Film Festival, and she... Fully

flaked on me. And for what?

Uh, a date?

No, some dumb college prep course.

College prep.

Gee, some people have no priorities.

Wait a minute.

Bonnie's taking a college prep course?

Why aren't you taking a college prep course?

Because college is three years away. Pretty in Pink starts in 20 minutes.

Oh, well, wait a minute. Sam, you know, you're a sophomore now. You know, you're

going to be taking your college board soon. You should be thinking about this

stuff. I have been thinking about it. I don't even think I want to go to

college.

What? You don't want to go to college?

What, are you kidding me?

Samantha, that's insane. It's crazy. This is the blackest day of my... Can we

talk about this?

Dad, there's more than one way to get an education.

Maybe Jesse and I will want to go bumming around Europe for a couple of

huh? Oh, bumming. Bumming. Oh, that's good. Then when you're finished with

you can come back here and start your career as a bag lady.

Who's to say that a bad lady hasn't learned from her experiences and

with honors from the school of life?

I'm to say.

Oh. Well,

don't you think there are other options?

Yeah, yeah, college or death.

Look, Samantha, what are you kidding me? Look, the day you were born, that's the

day I bought the frame for your college diploma, huh?

You're going to be the first Miss Kelly ever to go to college. And I'm going to

be the first Miss Kelly ever to work like a dog for the rest of my life to

for it.

Right this way, please. As you can see, this is a typical Ridgemont College

classroom.

Ample sunlight, good use of space, and an unobstructed view of the men's

gym.

Where are you going? Get over there.

Come on. Mona, the whole idea of this trip is to get Samantha interested in

higher education.

All right, all right. Sam, right in this very classroom, I studied Plato,

Aristotle, Spinoza, all the great thinkers.

Hey, Grandma, how come your phone number's carved on the desk?

I also did some tutoring.

Now,

Sam, Sam, the idea is that this isn't just a room.

This is a place where you can be whatever you want to be.

I want to be at the Cineplex.

Sam, Sam, look at all the things you can study.

Anthropology, archaeology, biogenetic engineering.

Ooh, biogenetic engineering, huh?

Now, that has a nice ring to it, doesn't it, Sam?

Picture this, picture this. You're walking down the hospital corridor.

wearing your white little coat, you know, and everybody's saying good

Good morning, Dr. Maselli. Good morning, Dr. Maselli. Oh, isn't that Samantha

Maselli, our new biogenetic engineer?

Oh, Dad.

Or you could be a movie critic, huh? All I'm saying is, is that college, college

is a great place to be.

How would you know? You never went.

Okay, okay, don't take my word for it, huh?

Take it from two people who know, huh?

Magna cum laude and magna cum raude.

All right, girls, she's all yours. Work her over good.

You won't have to work me over. I already know I'm going to college.

Maybe biogenetics isn't such a bad idea. It could help avoid future mutants.

Come on, now.

Jonathan, Jonathan, why don't we go back there and take a look at the old globe,

huh? But I already know all the countries on it and their capital.

Sam, my four years in college were the most glorious years of my life.

And believe me, I've had a pretty glorious life.

Come here.

You know, when I first went to college, I was a shy little wallflower.

But when I graduated, I was a woman who knew something about the past and was

excited about the future.

And I was exposed to ideas I...

I never even knew existed.

And when I walked up there and I got my diploma, I had such a feeling of pride.

I mean, it was more than just a piece of paper. It was thousands of years of

history and knowledge and teachers and students all saying, Angela Bauer,

one of us.

That was beautiful, dear.

So, sweetheart, what do you think about college?

I'm going.

What did you say?

I'm going to college.

But Tony Michelli's going to be one of them.

Okay, all right. This is good. This is good.

I hope so.

Hey, how you doing? Oh, just working away here, Angela. Just working away.

know, I've been working on my math and on my essay for my application.

And I've been working on my vocabulary skills, too. You know, Angela, I'm

intensely cognizant of your pulchritude that's even -tied.

Thank you, Tony. You look foxy, too.

Wow, you know what I said.

Yeah, college education.

Hey, you know, if I get in, we could have more of these conversations. We'll

know who'd want to.

Tony, you have been at this night and day for two weeks.

I am really proud of you. Well, you know how it is with us Missellis. It's

nothing half hog.

You know, it's the whole pig or nothing, you know.

Hey, hey, hey, check out what I gleaned from these tomes.

That means learn from these books. Oh, very good, very good.

All right, you want me to... Come on, answer me some questions. All right,

test you on your verbal skill. Okay, okay, verb me, verb me.

Okay, okay. All right, glove is to hand, a sock is to... Foot.

Correct. Hey, hey, hey, come on, come on, answer. Give me something a little

harder. That was too easy. Give me something to really flex my brain cells

Okay. Okay.

Oh, here's one.

Desk is to book as bench is to... Judge.

No. No, no, of course not. Not judge. No, judge.

Park. No, no, park.

Desk is to book as bench is to... I know what the question is. It's the answer.

All right, all right. Don't get rattled. Just concentrate.

No, no, no. As bench is to basketball.

No, it's not basketball.

Well, I... I could use some help here.

Tool. Oh, tool. What did you tell me? All right, all right.

You know what? Let's just switch gears. We'll just go on to math. I know you

would. Come sit down. I knew that.

Who knew that? You should have known it.

Oh, math. All right.

You have a jar of red and green jelly beans. Okay.

The ratio of red jelly beans to green jelly beans is five to three.

Five to three. Okay.

If the jar contains a total of 160 jelly beans, how many of them are red?

Red. Okay.

Okay. Five to three.

160.

Carried a bean.

60. 100.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. No way.

She's right, Tony.

She's right, yeah.

Well, then answer this one.

A girl was supposed to be in bed a half an hour ago. Her allowance is $15 a

week. How much of that money will she lose before she can say goodnight?

Goodnight.

Good luck tomorrow, Dad.

Thanks, sweetheart.

I'm going to need it.

What are you talking about? You don't need luck. Everything's going to be

I don't know, Angela. Maybe I want it too much. Maybe I'm just not cut out to

a college man.

Because you love blue questions, you're overreacting. But, Angela, it's just

something about me and Tess.

You know what I mean? I mean, ever since grade school, I never do good on them.

No, well, you don't do well on them. No, no, no. You're going to do well. You

will do well.

You'll do good. Good. You'll do good. Now, stop fretting.

All right. Okay.

Come on.

I get it.

Gosh.

Do

you

know the answer to that one?

Uh -uh. Haven't got a clue.

Figures. Miss Goody two shoes. Nice hair.

I hope she doesn't call on me.

Yeah. Me either. That's one tough battle axe.

All right.

Anthony?

Uh, who, me?

Daydreaming again, Anthony? No, no, no, sister, no. What was the question?

How many jelly beans are red?

Ah, well, uh, well, what jelly beans? Where's the jar?

How am I supposed to know? You know the answer. Help me, help me, help me, help

me.

It wouldn't be fair.

I'm waiting, Anthony.

Well, uh... Does anyone else know the answer?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Samantha.

I know, sister, that's easy.

It's 54.

That is correct, Samantha.

And just for that, you get to go to the Molly Ringwald Festival.

Oh, thank you, sister. And I believe it's my duty to let you know that

tried to get the answer from me.

No, no, no, no, no.

I didn't do it. Well, Anthony, I'm going to have to call the mother superior.

Is there a problem, sister?

Is it Anthony again?

Yes, mother.

I'm afraid he doesn't test well.

Oh, wait a minute, sister.

I wrote my essay good.

It's well, Anthony.

Anthony, this page is blank.

No, it can't be.

Well, sister, I know I wrote it. I did. I wrote it good. I did.

Anthony, I am afraid you are in over your head.

He'll never be a student. Oh, no, you're wrong.

In over your head. Never be a student. No, you're wrong. Anthony, you're wrong.

Never be a student. You're wrong.

You're wrong.

You're wrong.

You're wrong.

You're right.

Hi. Hi.

Well, you know, couldn't you ban it? You know, it's 8 .30. You're supposed to be

taking your test.

Oh, well, I decided not to take it.

What are you talking about? What made you change your mind?

You and that superior mother of yours.

I don't understand.

Well, look, Angela, I'm just not going to go to college. I mean, things would

fall apart around here. I mean, first there'd be dust balls and dirty dishes.

Before you know it, you have a bad case of grout mold.

Tony, we've already discussed this.

You finish your housework in three hours. You have the rest of the day for

classes. Look, Angela, could we just forget about it? I made my decision,

Well, if you won't listen to me, at least listen to yourself.

Oh, come on. No, not my essay. It's terrible. Come on. It means different

to different people.

To some, it's a way to meet girls and blow 50 grand of your parents' savings.

Look, Angela, I know what I wrote. When I was a kid, I used to sit on the fire

escape and look up at the stars and think, there's a lot more out there than

can see.

And there's a lot more out there to each of us than what we know.

Come on, Angela, you're embarrassing me. My friend, Frankie Pesh, had a set of

encyclopedias that his mother bought at the market.

I got up to volume C, and then he moved away.

I know everything about Aardvark, Bastille Day, and Samuel Clemens, but

still a lot of questions I need answers to.

To me, college is a place to dream out loud, a place to catch up on what I

missed in volumes B through Z.

Dad, you wrote this?

To think all these years you could have been doing my book reports.

Tony? It's a beautiful essay.

It's sincere, eloquent, and honest.

Well, you think you do? Yes, I do. Well, you know, the first joke could be a

little sharper, but it has a nice build.

Dad, aren't you supposed to be at your test right now?

Sam,

your father's decided not to go to college.

Oh, you're not serious. I can't think of anything you ever wanted so bad.

Well, Sam, maybe I don't want it so bad.

So that means you made up all the stuff you wrote in this essay.

Well, no.

Dad, you know, if I didn't know you better, I'd say that you were... What?

No, nothing. No, no, no, no. You go right ahead and you say it.

Chicken. How could you say that?

Dad, it's okay.

Hey, just do what you tell me to do when I have to take a test.

Take a deep breath, count to ten, and jump in.

I said that?

Gee, sounds kind of feeble.

That's what I thought.

But it worked.

Mail call.

Did it come? Did it come? I don't know. I haven't had a chance to go through the

mail yet. Let me do it. Let me do it.

Didn't come.

Look what I found in my other hand.

Give me that.

I can't open it. I can't open it. Get your mitts off of that, will you?

Hey, my whole life is in here.

If I scored 450 or better, I'd go to college.

If I didn't, well, they'd retire my mop and put me in the Housekeeper's Hall of

Fame.

Come on, 450.

Come on, 450.

And it's a two.

Two hundred?

No. Two.

Gee.

That was some lucky pencil you gave me.

Well, well, well.

Well.

Well?

You couldn't have scored a two.

Nobody is that stupid.

We know that, Mr. Mackey. Can you tell us what the problem is?

You see where it says, don't mark this space?

Yes. He marked that space.

Wait a minute. Let me see that.

Oh, so I started marking my answers on the wrong line.

That's right.

You threw that computer into an awful dizzy.

Do you think that you could score it by hand?

Comment. I don't see why not. All right.

Oh, you mean right now?

Maybe it's not too much trouble.

Add it up.

One hundred.

Two hundred.

Three hundred.

Four hundred.

Four hundred. Four fifty.

Ten.

Twenty.

Four hundred.

Four hundred and thirty.

Two thirty. Four hundred and forty.

Would you come on?

Well, he's driving me crazy.

He made me lose my place.

Now I'm going to have to start all over again.

What?

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Young people don't have a sense of humor nowadays.

Let's see. Your score is...

445.

Oh,

hold your horses.

I forgot to carry the one.

What does that mean? It means I got 446?

Your final score is 545.

545?

Come on, Angela.

We did it.

Angela, you feel like having a brew at the Ratskeller with a college man?

Rah -rah, sis -boom -bah.

Oh,

boy. Oh, I love college life, you know? Oh, the student union, the library,

the beer nuts at the Ratskeller. You know, even the nuts.

He's smart. Well, then you ought to be a genius. You ate about a pound of food.

Looks like you two have been celebrating the big 545.

That's right, Mona. You know, now that I'm matriculating, I'm doing the Joe

College things.

Well, in that case, I suggest you quit the partying and hit the book.

Oh, get her.

What a kidder, huh?

Anthony, I am not kidding.

She's back.

Thank you.