Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living Take a chance and face the world

An open road and a road that's hidden A brand new life around the bend

There were times I lost a dream or two And

found a friend And at the end was you

There's a path you've taken, a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my

friend. That's too long, but you're not awake to a brand new life.

Brand new life. A brand new life goes round again.

Sure, you're calm. You don't have any teeth.

Mr. Vitale?

Yeah. Sorry, the dentist is running a little late. Oh, that's okay, that's

I don't mind waiting. Thank you. Hey, in fact, in fact, if you want, she can go

first. Hello, John. Nice to see you again, Mrs. Finch.

You're either extremely nervous or an Evelyn Wood graduate.

Well, uh... Everybody gets a little scared at the dentist, right? Not

You mustn't worry about a thing. Dr.

Fish finds wonderful.

He has a light touch and uses the most modern equipment.

The open wide.

Building maintenance.

You really must calm down, Mr... Miss Sally, Miss Sally, but you can call me

Tony.

Fiona Finch. Nice to meet you, Tony. Nice to meet you, too, Miss Finch.

I'm usually not this big a chicken.

Of course, I usually don't go to the dentist.

But I lost this filling. I found it, though. Here it is.

How wise of you to bring it in.

Yeah. I was going to put it back in myself, but I think a fish buying could

better job.

As my husband said, if you don't take care of your teeth, your teeth won't

care of you.

Sounds like a fun guy.

Oh, boy. You know what, Miss Finch? I'm really glad I ran into you because I

really am a lot more relaxed.

Ready, Mr. Maselli? Hide me.

Mother. Hmm? What is this?

That's accounts receivables.

Don't they teach you anything at Harvard Business School?

No. I mean, why didn't you bill Perkins Pet Supplies?

Oh, well, Jay's wife split and took him for a flea bath.

I felt kind of sorry for him. I said I'd bill him next month.

Mother, this is no way to run a business. I have expenses. Listen. Oh,

reminds me. Here's my expense account.

Pay up.

Hi, Tony. How was the dentist?

It was okay. It was okay. He used gas. He used Novocaine. He played music. Not

loud enough, though. I could still hear myself screaming.

You poor baby.

Oh, no.

No, not again. Another weekend work -a -thon. Files all over my kitchen. I

work this way, Angela.

Well, neither can I.

Well, where are you going? We still have a lot of work to do.

Angela, you can't expect me to work on Saturday night.

I have a responsibility to the eligible males of the tri -state area.

What's the matter, Mona? Cutting back?

You can't leave.

Eat my dust.

Hold it, hold it, hold it. You know what your problem is? Yeah, her.

Seriously, now wait a minute. Business is booming.

You guys need more help, you know what I mean? I met this lady down at the

dental office. She'd be perfect for you. She's hired. I hadn't thought of hiring

anyone. Well, think about it, Angela. We are absolutely swamped with work. I can

hardly keep up with my filing.

Just look at my nails.

Anyway, she's a real nice lady. She's been a secretary before. She's

responsible. She's intelligent.

She has her own dental plan.

Gee, I don't know. Training another person? Oh, hey, hey -ho. I'm not trying

force anybody on you, Angela. Look, you don't want to see, you don't have to

see. I didn't make no promises. Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk to her.

How about 10 .30 on Monday? I told her 11.

And here we are.

The Ballard Agency. What do you think?

Are you sure it's open?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mona takes a lot of breaks.

Last year, she missed October.

Tony, thank you for coming down here with me. Even if I don't get the job,

taking the commuter train was quite a thrill.

You want to get that?

You really think I could?

Go for it.

Good morning, Bauer Agency.

Watch out, she's a natural.

No, I'm sorry, Mona's not at her desk at the moment. May I take a message?

Get back, she's on a roll.

Reservations for noon, the Pyrmont Hotel, the Jungle Room. Thank you.

I suppose that's for lunch. Yeah, maybe a quick swing through the trees.

Hey, Mona, you got a message.

Oh, Jane Perkins called.

Mona Robinson?

This is Fiona Finch and vice versa.

How do you do? I do hope you don't mind. I took the liberty of answering your

telephone. It appears that your luncheon date is on.

Oh, rat.

I'm going to have to cancel.

I promised Angela I'd get this stupid filing done. Well, then maybe Fiona

give you a hand.

Oh, no. I couldn't ask her to do that. I'd be happy to. Good. Start here.

Oh!

This is just what this office needs. Yeah, yeah, someone who wants to work.

Hey, Tony.

Excuse me. Who is this strange woman rifling through my files? This is Fiona.

Fiona? She is a great worker. Could be a real asset to the office.

Don't just pull someone off the street and put them to work. I have to check

qualifications. I have to verify her references.

Screening a prospective employee is a complex and grueling procedure.

How do you do? I am Angela Bauer. How nice to meet you, Mrs. Bauer.

I hope you don't mind my saying this, but you seem awfully young to own your

agency. When can you start?

stuffing these.

Mind? It's my pleasure.

Well, then I'll just double your pleasure.

What are you doing?

You left your participle dangling.

I'm funny that way.

Mother,

I thought I asked you to type those letters. Oh, no.

There was just a little mistake.

I'll check through the rest to make sure they're perfect.

As a fellow perfectionist, I applaud your attention to detail.

Others might learn from that example.

Others could care less.

Now, Hank, I know the presentation's late.

So, will you stop grousing?

Look. It'll give you more free time to buy that new car.

And I've been thinking, get the Porsche, but not the convertible, huh?

Because it'll blow your toupee off.

No, nobody else can tell.

Mother, have you found that Speedo Burger file yet? Oh, Hank, I'll have to

you back. Bye.

I have done nothing all day long but look for that file. I don't know how I'm

going to find it if you keep on bugging me. Here it is. It is.

Why, thank you, Fiona.

How would you like a nice cup of freshly brewed coffee? That would be lovely.

Well, where did you find it?

Under S for Speedo Burger. Where did you look?

Under G for Greasy Spoon.

Oh, I haven't inconvenienced you. I've alphabetized the files.

You know, according to the alphabet.

That is just crazy enough to work.

Uh, assessing the market, research, the demographics suggest... Ah, am I

dangling again? Oh, those pesky participles.

What would I do without you?

Oh, hello, Mother.

Well, I didn't know you two were working tonight.

Well, it's Saturday night, and I knew you had plans. And besides, we're having

so much fun, it doesn't seem like work.

I could stay and help you if you'd like.

Oh, no, Mother. It's the last night of the Bolshoi.

Well, I can cancel. They'll be back in five or six years.

Oh, Mother, don't be sad. Billy, besides, Fiona and I have such a

rapport. She takes down my words even before she says them.

What do you say, what do you say? Get it while it's hot and goody. I mean,

that's enough pizza to feed Pavarotti. Yeah, well, it's not special.

Buy two large pizzas, you get a Frisbee for 19 cents.

Wouldn't it have been cheaper just to buy a Frisbee? Sure, but then you

get any... What's that?

Well, hey, just be happy I didn't buy that 87 Wagoneer to get the free kayak.

You always bring me pepperoni. Well, I'm sorry, Mom, but I thought you were

going to the Bolshevik.

Excuse me, Tony, I believe that's the Bolshoi. Oh, well, hey, guys in tights,

they all look the same to me.

Tony, Tony, could I see you in the kitchen?

In the kitchen?

Well, wait a minute.

What's going on?

That woman gets on my nerves.

Oh, hey, me too sometimes. Hey, what are you going to do? She owns the house.

I am not talking about Angela. I'm talking about that secretarial SWAT team

there. She types, she files, she takes dictation. Get this.

She only takes a half hour for lunch.

Is that legal?

Oh, Mona, look, I'd really like to get involved in this mess, but the way I see

it, this is a problem between you and Fiona, or you and Angela, or you and

Angela and Fiona.

Whoever it is, they're out there in the living room.

Thanks.

Angela,

why are you laughing at pizza?

I just remembered something funny that Fiona said.

And where is our little Benny Hill?

Angela,

I want to ask you just a little favor.

Lose the limey.

What are you talking about?

Angela, wake up and smell the freshly brewed coffee.

I cannot work with that woman. You've got to get rid of her. Mother, you're

being petty and childish.

Fiona's a valuable office. This employee, she does a tremendous amount

Oh, and what do I do? Well, sometimes I ask myself that very question.

Mother, I'm very sorry. You're just going to have to learn to work with her.

Well, you're going to have to learn to work without somebody because it's

her or me.

Stop, please.

I never meant to cause a row between you. Don't be silly. We're always rowing

about something.

All right, Angela. What's it going to be?

Mother, this isn't going to work. I don't respond to threats.

Angela?

Here.

I can't read this. It's Pittman's shorthand.

It says, in order to avoid certain unpleasantries between mother and

it is with deep regret that I tender my resignation.

God save the Queen.

Fiona, wait. You can't quit. I need you. Of course you do. But you muddle

through. Well, carry on.

Hey, yo, Fiona, whoa.

Where are you going?

Goodbye, Tony. Take good care of your teeth. And remember, Tartar is the

What happened?

Thanks to Mother, I've just lost the best secretary I ever had.

No, you didn't. But you're about to.

I quit.

That's interesting management style, Angela, really.

Now slowly straighten your legs behind you. Yeah.

Breathe deeply and let all the negative energy flow outward.

Are you at peace?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, hi, Angela. How was your energy flow today?

The office temp was horrible. Make matters worse, he left for lunch, never

back. That's why they call them temps.

Oh, and then I called Fiona. She already has another job. Tony, what am I going

to do?

Well, either learn how to type or apologize to your mother.

Apologize? It will be a cold day in heck.

Angela, Angela, Angela. You know, those four -letter words, they're so

unladylike. Be reasonable, huh?

Mona can't get unemployment. You need somebody to help you with all that work.

To me.

The solution is obvious.

Bauer Agency.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, hi, Mr. Hewitt.

Yeah, yeah. No, no, Mona's not in. No, Mona's not in. But, hey, I got your file

right here.

Yeah. The cost per unit ratio. Oh, okay.

Hang on, Mr. Hewitt. Wait a second.

You know, the truth of the matter is, Mr. Hewitt, that all the numbers aren't

yet. Yeah.

Mona? No, that's another number that's not in yet.

Yeah, yeah, but I swear I'll have her call you back.

Okay, yeah, thanks a lot.

Hi.

Tony,

is that letter ready for air express yet? It's got to be there by tomorrow.

Don't worry, don't worry. It'll absolutely positively be there.

What letter?

The Anderson letter. I put it on top of your desk.

Where is the top of your desk?

It was here a minute ago.

a substitute teacher, three fire drills, and a bomb scare.

Oh, it was great.

Grandma, there's nothing in here. Didn't you go shopping?

Oh, yeah.

I bought two new pair of shoes.

Oh, I love those. Those are so cute.

Well, isn't there anything to eat?

How about some cold pizza?

But Tony always likes me to eat healthy food after school.

Well, put a piece of broccoli on it.

Lucky not to have to go to work. I wish I could sit around all day and do

nothing.

But doing nothing at the office is more fun.

And it pays better.

Mr. Perkins, hello. What are you doing here? Mrs. Bauer, how long have you

handled Perkins Pet Supplies?

About eight months.

That's 56 in dog month.

Where's Mona?

I'm sorry, but Mona doesn't work here any longer. What?

That's awful.

Well, I'm sure that I can help you.

Mona and I had an agreement.

Oh, well, I don't like to get mixed up in my mother's personal life.

No, no, no. We agreed that you wouldn't bill me for two months. Then some bird

brain sent me this.

Well, not this bird brain. I just thought it.

Mr. Perkins, I'm terribly sorry. Please ignore the bill. You know, I chose a

small agency to get the personal touch.

Now the woman who was personally touching me is gone.

Perhaps I should take my kibble somewhere else.

Wait a minute, Mr. Perkins. I just want you to know that Angela is negotiating

to bring Mona back right now, even as we speak.

I don't... Really?

Oh. Well, perhaps I got my feathers ruffled for nothing.

Have Mona give me a call when she's back in the roost.

What an odd duck.

Why did you tell him that I was negotiating with Mother?

Because, Angela, come on. It's just... It's not as much fun around here without

Mona.

Tony, this isn't supposed to be fun. This is my life.

Hello, Mona.

Mona, it's Tony. Now, come on. Angela is ready to talk turkey.

Well, tell her to stuff it.

I would not come back if she begged me on all fours. She wants you to know how

much she misses the office.

Well, that's just too bad. She's impossible around here, and I don't

going to work.

She's lost without you too, Mona.

Well, it's too late. I am not coming back under any circumstances.

Will she double my salary?

All right, Angela, look, she'll come back. All you have to do is give her a

a month raise.

A raise? A raise is absolutely out of the question.

You know, she's really good with the clients, Angela.

Well, yeah, I guess that is true.

And you know, that's something you can't put a price on, Angela.

I'll give her $50 a month.

Now you're talking, Angela. Now you're talking.

She'll give you $75 a month.

Well, that's not enough.

That's not enough, Angela. That's not enough after I gave that woman

she wanted?

Well, maybe not.

Maybe she just wants to hear that you need her.

Well, Tony, that's ridiculous. Of course she knows that.

Maybe she just wants to hear it.

Okay, look.

Here's the final offer, okay?

75 bucks a month, and Angela realizes how invaluable you are to the agency and

how much she misses you.

Oh, really?

Really?

Really. You heard, Mona?

All right, great. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah, I'll give it a message. Bye.

What? What message?

Oh.

Oh.

My mother's coming back. Yeah, it's terrific, isn't it? Angela.

What, Tony? I quit.

Come on, come on, come on. Be brave, be brave, soldiers.

Remember, fish wine is painless.

It's not his pain I'm worried about.

Wait a minute. One of our little soldiers has deserted.

What? There she is. I caught her just at the board.

Trying to find a fire exit.

I'm surprised at you. You're setting a bad example for the kids. I mean, look

me. I'm cool as a kumquat.

Oh, sure. That's because you're not going in the chair.

You just drove up here.

Yeah, but did you see that traffic?

You know, I think you're right. I am being silly. After all, I'm just here

cleaning. Yeah, but sometimes when they scrape your teeth, they find a little

nerve under the gum, and they start poking at it again and again and again.

Jonathan. Tell it to the fish.

Oh, what a bunch. What a bunch. Come on, remember one thing, guys. The dentist

is your friend.

Bauer, party of four to see.

Fiona. Hello there.

It's Fiona.

What are you doing here? I'm Dr.

Fishbein's new receptionist. How wonderful.

Oh, that's terrific.

All right, group. Who wants to be the first brave soldier out of the trenches?

Come on.

Actually, Lieutenant, that would be you.

Yes. Dr.

Fishbein took a second look at your x -rays and found something a little

troubling. How troubling?

Oh, nothing to worry about, Tony. No, nothing a little root canal won't clear

up. Get in the chair. You want a second opinion? No.