Original subtitles

You'll not be letting people take it all over the place, I hope. I'm thinking

about it, but now... Man, where's your dignity?

You've a position to maintain.

And a castle to keep up. No small expense leads, eh? Rather be poor than

strangers peep and pry.

Do you think I want it, man?

I'm Mr. Diaz. Right here.

Oh, I'm Mrs. Emma Peel.

It's a beautiful place you have here.

Very beautiful.

I shall enjoy staying here.

Staying here?

Well, the job will take a day or two, but I thought my letter made that clear.

What letter? The one in reply to yours.

My letter?

You are Mr. Angus Diaz.

No. No, I am Ian Diaz. The 35th layer. The man who wrote you was my cousin.

What's this all about anyway? Oh, I'm sorry. It's my mistake.

Your cousin has hired my company as consultant.

What company would that be?

Albuquerque Charter.

Albuquerque what?

It's the advisory bureau on refurbishing castles and stately homes as a tourist

attraction.

My card.

Your cousin wrote and told us that the castle was being opened to the public.

Did he know?

And our brief was to advise him on the various things to do to attract the

visitors. If you'll excuse me, he's got a nerve.

Mr. Spiel, as laird of the clan dearth. I am the one to make the decisions about

the future of the castle.

And when I see Angus... Bullseye!

You're a damn fool, Angus. You could have killed somebody.

Aye, but I didn't, did I? So what's your next trick? Splitting an apple on this

gentleman's head?

You must be Mrs. Peel.

Welcome to Castle Deer. Thank you. I've already tripped over the mat.

Angus, you might do me the courtesy of letting me know exactly what you're up

to. First Scottish historians, now publicity consultants.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, and it must have slipped my mind. Perhaps I'd better...

No, no. Angus invited you here.

And I'll have no one accusing the Diaz of being inhospitable.

But remember this, both of you.

When the time comes to make any decisions, I'm the one to decide what we

or we will not do.

Good day to you, Mr. Spiel.

Come on, McNabb.

Squelch. Really, Mr. Diaz, I think you might have warned me there were two of

you. Don't let Ian upset you. He's a bit too much caught up in the honor and

glory of Clan Diaz. That sort of thing.

Your cousin mentioned a Scottish historian.

Yes, there's a chap here interested in writing a book on the 13th Laird.

Ian's not too keen about it.

Surely that's the honor and the glory.

Oh, not the 13th Laird. No, no. He's the blot on the family of Scutcheon. The

traitor who betrayed the clan.

A hereditary tray, Mr. Diaz.

Yes, well, Ian will get over his tantrum. Come on, let's meet the tame

historian.

This is the banqueting hall.

And here is the table around which the clan used to gather in the old days.

And nowadays?

Just Ian and me.

Passing the salt must be a bit tricky.

Ah, here is our tame historian.

Mrs. Peel, may I introduce Mr. McPhee.

How do you do, Mr. McPhee?

Everyone calls me Jock. How do you do?

You don't have a Scots accent.

I was carried south by marauding Southernerks when I was a bear.

But this is my spiritual home.

I hear you're planning a book.

Yes, on Black Jamie, the 13th laird of the earth.

I don't see him here.

Oh, we're not very proud of him, Mrs. Peel. Oh, no, Black Jamie's portrait is

hung where it belongs, in the bowels of the earth. In the dungeon.

In the dungeon? In the dungeon.

Dungeon? No self -respecting castle would be without him.

Oh, I'm afraid ours are in a very poor state of repair.

Ian is most reluctant to let anyone go down there. Oh, what a pity.

We're planning on opening our castle to the public. Mrs. Peel here is our

publicity consultant.

And one can do so much with dandrums. In the Middle Ages, they were full of

jolly ideas.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I must continue my research.

A walk across the glen and by yon bonny banks, just to get the feel of things.

Oh, by the way, do I have to get the laird's permission for fishing in the

What kind of fishing did you have in mind, Mr. McFeed? Bent pin and string

variety. Just as long as you're not one of those aqualung people.

Water is the fish's habitat, not mine.

It's a pity others don't think as you do, Jock.

Why? Well, there was an amateur frogman drowned in the loch last week.

His body was found in the bank three miles from here.

How tragic. What happened?

They say the mechanism of his aqualung jammed.

Still, whatever it was, there'll be no more diving in the loch. I've made up my

mind on that.

But you've no objection to rod and line.

I wish you luck.

At fishing, I usually need it.

Mrs. Peel, this weighty tome is a comprehensive history of Castle Diaz.

Did you know that Mary, Queen of Scots, refused to sleep here?

Did you also know that that frogman was four inches taller when he was dead than

when he was alive?

He'd been on the rack.

Which room is for Mrs. Peel, I guess?

Oh, I thought the Thorough MacDonald room would be best.

May I show it to you?

Thank you.

That's McSteed.

Where's he going?

A walk by the look of it.

Keep an eye on him, Robert.

Chief's orders.

Man, that's ridiculous.

He's stealing a wee paper boat. He's what?

Enjoy your walk, Mr. McTeed. It was fascinating. How deep is your moat?

Deep enough for its purpose.

Mr. Peel, are you all right?

What were you doing down there anyway? You're no right. Not without asking me

first. Those dungeons are dangerous. I couldn't agree more.

What happened?

You slipped, I wager. Slipped and hit your head, eh?

Yes. Yes, yes, just as I thought. Those steps are slippery as glass.

McTeed, you look after Mr. Peel, will you? I'll go and get a key and lock this

door.

I don't want any repetition of this sort of thing.

Lean on me, Mistress Peel, as much as you like.

Oof.

Now then, what really happened? I was jumped by two very large gentlemen, both

of whom had disappeared by the time I came round. Very inconsiderate of them.

Was there a rack down there?

In good racking order?

I didn't have time to find out. Shouldn't be at all surprised.

All right, Steve, who was he, the dead frogman?

Nothing to do with us.

Just a fellow who happened to like skin... Ooh!

Skin diving.

Obviously somebody else thought otherwise.

Decided to torture him to find out.

an unexpected talent.

During my childhood, I was junior All England amateur hopscotch champion.

I've run out of puff.

Oh, pity. I'm just getting steamed up.

It's all to do with the price of fish.

Well, the dead frogman. It's very strange goings -on.

You must have heard about the latest fishing crisis.

Well, our fishing industry is one of the mainstays of our economic life.

And at the moment, there's hardly a fish to be seen.

They've all disappeared.

Or been driven away.

Now our trawlers are having to fish in deeper water, in unprotected water. In

competition with all the other fishing fleets.

And that bites hard.

Is Castle D 'Eth involved?

Why else are we here?

See you at dinner.

This belonged to Ewan Dearth, the fifth Laird.

He was one of Wallace's men.

Wallace? William Wallace, a Scottish patriot.

Ewan Dearth and William Wallace were executed by the English in 1304.

The sixth Laird, Charles, used this.

He was at Bannockburn with Robert the Bruce.

And the seventh Laird... Like all the others, was also a fighter.

There was a Dearth at the Battle of Pinkie, at Floddenfield, and at Alamein.

It's a proud tradition.

Unexploitable, Mistress Peel. That's a harsh word.

An honest one, I think.

Away, man. People are interested in the past.

And the castle is an historical treasure trove.

Which could be made to pay.

Handsomely. What's your opinion, Jock?

Oh, don't forget, I have a vested interest in the clan.

I expect that Black Jamie will sell.

Oh, aye.

That book of yours.

Angus tells me Black Jamie betrayed the clan.

He made a pact with the other clans and then led his own people into a trap.

The massacre of Glendeath.

It was a bitter day.

To hear you talk, man, you'd think the massacre happened yesterday, not 500

years ago.

Well, he keeps the memory of it alive, doesn't he?

Black Jamie?

Aye.

His treachery was uncovered, and he was walled up in the east tower for it. And

he's still in there?

Since the last stone sealing it off was set in place, not a living soul has

entered the tower.

But his ghost walks.

Playing the lament of Glen Deer from the bagpipes.

His ghost.

You've seen it.

Aye. And you, Ian?

Aye. Isn't it about time we dropped in on the poor old fellow?

No.

He must be very lonely.

Walled up till doomsday was his sentence, and till doomsday he'll stay

Would you like to see where the last tomb was set in place?

Very much.

Come on, then.

Ian? I've seen it, Mr. Spiegel.

But you'll excuse us and our curiosity.

More, man, more.

What a magnificent armoury you have here, Eric. And every bit of it

You see, the gallery continues right round here.

And if you look carefully, you can see where Black Jamie was bricked in.

Now, they say that the centre stones were the last ones to be put in place.

And when they were about to do it... Black Jamie was seen on the other side

playing his bagpipes.

Good for Black Jamie.

Game to the last.

And since that time, at dead of night, his ghostly piping is still to be heard.

Well, he can't do much harm. I mean, not walled up.

Mrs. Peel, the first thing a ghost learns is to walk through walls.

It's a fundamental part of any self -respecting spirit's basic training.

Oh, now you're scoffing. But seriously, there is a ghost.

I've heard it and seen it on occasion.

Well, you'll have to have a lot of wind in his bag to disturb me tonight.

A combination of the good Scots air, excellent brandy. I am off, and will you

excuse me, Mrs. Fields?

Good night, Mr. McPhee. The flowers of the forest are all weed away.

A what?

Must be Robbie Burns.

Good night, George.

Good night.

There's an east wind springing up, inclined to hole around this room, Mr.

McSteed. So I've taken the liberty of moving your things.

Thank you.

The Lord Darnley room, sir.

Now, McSteed, you've noticed that too, eh?

Well, you're right, man. There is not enough salt in it.

That's better. Much better.

Here you are. Help yourself. Take plenty of it.

Morning, Jock.

Morning, Ian.

Good morning.

Oh, salt?

Aye, thanks.

Nice morning.

How would you know?

Twenty -seven minutes past eight. It's nearly lunchtime.

Oh, by the way, insurance.

This, uh, this mistress Peel, woman of yours, Does her company cover her

accident? Because I will not be held responsible for any accident she has

The way she goes traipsing about the place.

Man, Ian, you certainly work hard at this Tanny Scott bit, don't you?

Look, Mrs. Peel is perfectly capable of looking after herself.

Where is she, by the way?

In her room, I imagine. You know, these liar bed types.

Sleep half their life away.

Aye.

And how about yourself, George? Did you pass a good night? Thank you, yes.

No disturbances?

None that I noticed.

I think he means our ghost.

Oh, he was abroad again last night. I heard the scale of the pipe. Oh, I'm a

very heavy sleeper, yeah.

But you didn't notice anything?

Nothing at all? Only the bed.

Gave me a touch of claustrophobia. I spent the night in a chair.

Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, perhaps we'll be more successful with another room.

Coffee, Mr. McSteed.

Thank you.

Good early morning coffee.

Gives me that glad -to -be -alive feeling.

Did you visit the dungeons last night?

Aye, as a matter of fact, I did.

You remember you expressed an interest in Black Jamie's portrait.

Well, I brought him up for you to see.

Over here.

I'm afraid the light isn't very good here.

How long has the castle been on the mains?

It isn't. We generate our own electricity.

There's a wee diesel generator down in the stables.

That's better.

Fierce -looking fellow, isn't he?

But you didn't hear him last night.

Does he give regular concerts?

No, no.

Sometimes we hear him three times in the one week, then we don't hear him again

for another month.

Unusual for a ghost. They usually operate on a regular schedule.

Full moon, anniversaries, second Tuesday of every month.

Not like Jamie.

He's certainly got an independent air.

Aye.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do.

Come on, Angus.

But you weren't in your room, so I imagined you were out picking the early

morning daffodils.

I'm extremely sorry to disturb you.

Well, the door was closed. You are here on your own. I was locked in all night.

And this thing wasn't designed for sleeping on.

Spent a pretty restless night, eh?

Well, luckily, so did I.

Luckily? I got a spot -on service here. Tried to press my best shirt last night.

While I was still wearing it.

Well, the gathering of the clans, it's a good idea.

The first reasonable suggestion I've heard.

There's so much more we could do, like Tawny Lumiere.

You mean music and coloured lights? Why not?

If it's good enough for the Palace of Holyrood House, it should be good enough

for us. And what else have you got in mind?

Saturday night hops in the courtyard if it's fine?

Bingo in the main hall if it's not?

Exactly. The thought had crossed my mind. Well, you can forget it.

As long as I'm the lair, the public will stay outside Castle Dearth.

Black Jamie?

There's not much family resemblance.

I'm not so sure.

Oh? You locked up all night, me destined to be suffocated. I think we've been

rumbled. So what have you got in mind?

Some research.

There's the history of the Diaz in this book.

I'd like to know how many entrances were sealed up when they popped Black Jamie

into the East Tower.

Why?

I think there's more behind these walls than just a ghost.

Well, I'll see what I can find.

What are you going to do?

I'm going fishing.

No. In the loch?

No. In the moat.

How much longer are they staying, Mr. Ian?

You'd better ask Mr. Angus. They're his guests, McNab.

Finish your research, Mr. McSteed?

I have it in my satchel. I intend to refer to it between bites.

Hello. You're researching too?

Oh, I'm just improving my general knowledge on Clan Dias.

What have you learned?

That Bonnie Prince Charlie asked the 25th Earl to help him.

He was in a... Wild Willy.

A rising of the clans was planned in the main hall here.

And Wild Willy persuaded men who'd been mortal enemies to sit side by side at

that table over there.

He brought them together to serve the pretender.

Now, if that moment were recreated...

With dummies?

In traditional costume.

It would be a moneymaker, eh, Mistress Peel? I was about to say it would be a

moment in history that everyone could share, thanks to you.

Young woman, do you realize the amount of work that would be involved if I

opened this castle to the public?

I think it would be worthwhile.

And I've got a business already, a small foundry in Edinburgh.

I didn't know that.

Well, you do now. I spend a great deal of my time there.

And Angus is in Glasgow.

That's right.

So who manages the castle?

McNab. with the other gillies.

But McNabb's in charge.

He's fishing in the moat, is he?

Aye.

Down yonder.

I cannot see him.

Aye, behind a bush.

But if you look carefully, you'll see the point of his rod.

Oh, aye.

I've got him.

Give a close watch, Robert, and the chief's going to deal with him as soon

possible.

McNabb!

McNabb. What is it? There's something in the moat. What do you mean, there's

something in the moat?

Control sent a man up to the battlements to see if I'd seen anything.

They've got a distinct blip on the radar.

Have you told the chief?

No, not yet.

What about McTeague?

He hasn't moved.

Probably dozed off. Right. You get back to control.

I'll have a word with the chief and check McTeague.

Looking for someone?

Uh, John McSteed. You haven't seen him, have you? No, not since he went fishing

some while ago.

Why? Oh, it isn't important.

Ah, well, if I see him, I'll tell him we were looking for him.

Mr. Peel? Yes, Ian?

Mr. Peel, I have come to a decision about the future of Castle Deer. Oh?

Under no circumstances whatsoever will I permit the castle to be open to the

public. Oh, but... I've made up my mind, and that's so there's no point in any

further discussion.

I see.

To save any embarrassment, I think it would be better if you left.

When now?

As soon as it's convenient.

I'll pack my things immediately.

However...

I do apologize for my apparent rudeness.

That's all right.

I quite understand.

Do you?

Where did Mrs. Peel go?

She's left.

What do you mean she's left? I asked her to go.

You did what?

I made it plain to her that I had not the slightest intention of turning this

castle into a funfair and that she was wasting her time here.

Who do you think you are?

The Laird.

And it's about time that you remember that. Sir, just a minute. That's enough.

I don't want to discuss it any further.

I'll never care how you work that thing. You don't have to. Just remember not to

touch anything.

Especially those.

Oh? What's so special about them?

They open the seacocks and flood the pen.

Oh.

What's the chief going to do about my speed?

He hasn't said.

He's a diver. He could always have another accident.

Two in so short a time? No.

But there will be some sort of mishap.

One way or another, when they go tonight, Saul makes feet.

Thank you.

I think I'll go for a breath of fresh air right now. Where will dinner be? In

about 15 minutes, Mr. Hill. Right, I'll be back.

Would it be impertinent to inquire where your friend MacTeed is?

I've no idea.

In fact, I thought you might know.

Well, I don't.

I'll take her.

Is there anything else you wish, Mr. Ian?

No, no, McNab. Off you go to your bed. Thank you, Mr. Ian.

Good night, gentlemen.

Good night, McNab.

Are you really determined?

Aye. You're a fool.

You'd think that of anybody who'd turn down money.

It's there for the asking.

You seem to forget that I have a tradition to uphold.

Ach, you're a granny of a tradition to uphold, have you? And I'll not let you

anybody flog it in the market.

You're pompous, and you're greedy.

I'll admit I've a taste for money.

Now, what's the matter with you, Ian?

Are you scared that a wee bit of money will paint you?

Or have you some other kind of skeleton locked up in a cupboard?

And what do you mean by that?

Exactly what I say.

What are you hiding, Ian?

Why are you so frightened about people coming in here? Shut up!

When I get back, I will expect you to have left Castle Dearth.

You can push women around, but don't try it with me.

Angus, I mean what I say.

Get out of here.

One of you had better go and alert the crews.

And you can help bring McSteed down here.

Bet he's having a smoke.

Hey, Bonzo.

Can I have a wee drop of that ale?

I can't get any reply from the power plant.

Who's on duty there?

Rodnick. I'd better go and see what's happened to him.

It isn't often we get a visit from you down here.

Nor me, either.

Oh, this is most extremely interesting.

Do it yourself, submarine fan.

Well, you'll find out. May I ask how?

Vibrations. Oh.

Yes, you see, the sound of the bagpipes say wipe out the sound of the

generators, but not the vibrations.

My swim in the moat helped me, too.

That great big plug hole in the bottom.

The submarines come in from the open sea underwater.

They then go into the loch, then by an underground channel into the moat, and

then into the flooded pens. And you pump the water back into the moat again.

Do the submarines use some kind of ultrasonic waves to drive the fish into

water? Your guess is as good as mine.

I think very slightly better.

Answer it. Probably the boss.

Control room. Yeah?

What?

Are you certain?

Yeah. He's here.

I'll tell him.

That was Roberton.

He's at the power plant.

The duty engineer's been attacked.

No, not him. A woman.

A woman?

Let her.

I would enjoy very much putting a bullet in you, Max Deed.

But the wee hole would show when they found my corpse in the loch.

You're an astute man.

Now, if you'll forgive me, Max Steed, I've an appointment with Black Jimmy.

Zero minus five.

Right. Get the crews into the pen.

What about him?

He stays here till we've got the woman as well.

It's zero minus two. Does he go in there now?

McNabb's orders were to hold him until we've got the woman.

Come on, man. We can't wait forever.

All right. Take him down.

Guns scare me. Always keep the safety catch on.

Personal appearance tonight.

although your little boat has sprung a lead.

The iron maiden, it's a doll.

You thought it was the iron, didn't you?

Yes. You also thought it was a doll.

Well, it is. The back opens automatically.

Not this time.

It's jammed.

Sorry you didn't get any real fishing in.

Fishing? We're going to now.

What, in those clothes?

Why not, Mrs Beale?