Original subtitles

A bit late with the tea, aren't they?

I think I'll just... Hello, what's this?

All right, first check.

Second check.

Final check.

This is it.

Radar alert.

Radar alert.

Newman reporting from Westwell, sir. Well?

Complete success.

They've been signaling a full alert for 18 seconds.

Excellent. What about the other station, sir?

Not a failure amongst them.

Well, sir, a merry Christmas to you.

Morning, Steve. Mrs. Gale, what a welcome surprise.

There's a little party I had last night. I had a few friends in for a few

drinks. A few friends?

I was going to ask you to come, but I knew you always went away for Christmas.

Did you have a good time?

Yes, I spent my Christmas very quietly.

In Marrakesh?

I'm sorry about all this.

I wonder what happened to the jockey.

I'll give you some coffee in a minute when I've cleared all this up.

Of course, two hands will get it all done

a good deal more quickly.

Oops!

Thank you very much for your present, by the way. Oh, you liked it?

Didn't know they did them in proper time.

Oh, that's really why I called, to thank you for yours. It was beautiful.

Where did you put it?

Well, I, uh...

I tried it in the sitting room, but I felt it was more effective in the

I should have thought that would have been immaterial.

I hear you must have had a good party, you know.

Why, weren't you here?

No, I had to leave in the middle of it, unfortunately.

Would leave a guest?

Afraid so.

Must have been something pretty important. It was. The Third World War

out.

All right.

You've aroused my curiosity, captured my interest. Now give me an explanation.

It's top secret, you understand.

Now, yesterday, all our early warning radar stations picked up an approaching

missile attack on this green and verdant isle.

Separately true. The top brass were all set to light the blue paper and retire

immediately. Well, why didn't they? The signal faded away. It was a false alarm,

thank goodness. A kind of freak reception.

It was a close call, though.

Not a few seconds and you and I would have been mutating there.

Where was the signal coming from?

That's what we're trying to find out.

Odd, though, wasn't it?

All those stations picking up the same pattern.

All except one, the radar station at Smallwood.

What's that?

It's on the Cornish coast. There's a map there on the mantelpiece underneath the

teddy bear.

Smallwood. Now, that didn't pick up the signal at all. Continued to function

quite normally.

What's this other place marked here on the map?

That's a little place I've taken an option on.

Sea view, trout fishing.

I thought I might buy myself a little bungalow.

It looks quite close to Smallwood, this land of yours.

Yes, it is quite close. It overlooks the entire installation, in fact.

What an extraordinary coincidence.

Isn't it? Yes.

And the breakdown of all those radar stations, is that a coincidence too?

Oh, come now, you know me.

Exactly.

Heading for the last round, huh? It's a New Year's Eve party I've been invited

to.

Do you like it?

Yesterday we were on the brink of World War III. Is this a cause for

celebration? This party should be fun.

I've been invited by a friend of mine called Tony Linklater. He made a fortune

out of fertiliser.

Hey, would you like to come?

Where's it being held?

Banbury, Wolverhampton, Wellington, Shrewsbury, Wrexham and Chester.

It starts at Paddington, I suppose.

Good evening, sir. Madam, may I see your ticket, please?

Your invitation, sir.

Ah, thank you.

Yes, to your right. Drinks are being served in the Pullman Coat.

Good evening, sir.

May I see your ticket, please?

Welcome aboard, Mr. Steele.

Drinks are now being served.

Splendid. In the club car, sir. That way, into the corridor.

Oh.

We'll go right up to the barman's face. Go on, right into the barman's face.

All right, watch it.

There you are.

Hello, my dear fellow. Come in. Join the party.

We seem to be the first.

They're doing us proud, too.

They are, indeed.

What are you going to have, huh?

I'll have one of those, I think. Barman?

Hello. Hello.

Isn't it a terribly clever idea, a party on a train like this? Don't you think

it's just fabby? Very apt. There you are, old man.

I'm afraid you'll have to make do with this. There don't seem to be any sources

of milk.

My name's Preston, by the way.

Frederick Preston. John Steed.

Delighted to meet you. And this is... What did you say your name was? Jane

Wentworth. Jane?

I'm a pussycat.

So I see.

You'll make me proud.

Actually, I'm very glad you arrived.

Well, I thought everybody was going to be very stodgy. Well, Mr. Steed, if it

were always like this, commuting would be a pleasure, wouldn't it? It would

indeed. And cheers to us all. Cheers.

To your left, club car.

Excuse me, please, your invitation.

Good evening, gentlemen. May I see your invitation, please?

Certainly. Ah, thank you, thank you. Club car is to your left, end of the

corridor. Thank you.

Now then.

Dorothy Wilson. Dorothy Wilson. I know.

We're long gone. We're long gone.

You're on the Sunday Clarion, aren't you? Yes, fashion editor.

That's a very authentic costume. Is that little thing there work?

Yes, the thesis editor learned it to me. And it's loading.

By the way, where's our host? Doesn't seem to be here yet. Can I get you

something, Miss Wilson? I'd better see what there is. Excuse me. Right.

This is a lovely dress, Roger. I see it's a beautiful girl behind that mask.

think you're absolutely fabulous. Don't you agree? I take it you mean fabulous.

The eyes were blue, I think. Fabulous. Yes, of course. I hardly think it's a

venerable part of a fable. Excuse me. Back to the necessary.

Go for your gun. Woo!

I ought to run you in.

Well, that's the four minutes.

Showdown at noon in the ice pit tomorrow. Why do you say that?

Why noon tomorrow?

Well, that's the four minutes.

Oh, of course. Share it, yes.

Lovely old carriage, isn't it?

Victorian, you know.

See them panels? About 1882.

Are you in the antique business?

No, trains is what I was in. Used to work for the railways.

Twenty years of it, nearly. Jump in when everybody else said jump.

Now I do what I like when I like.

I want the Irish sweepsie.

Hello. Hello, Mr Cavendish. Welcome aboard, sir.

All right, all right.

It's a rummy, dear, isn't it? Right rummy. Where's Charlie, then?

Charlie? Charlie Mintos.

You ought to know. It's his party, isn't it? Oh, Charlie. Charlie, yes. Well,

he'll be somewhere on the train, sir. I'd chase him after some bit of flipper,

I'll wager. He wasn't as proud as Charlie.

Very bad. Hello.

Don't lose the family, sir.

Come on, dear.

Excuse me, sir. Not that way. The club, Carson.

Look, I go what I like. Ah, yes, but, uh, Mr. Minters, Charlie, he asked

specifically for you to be sent to the club, Carson. Only his special guests

going there.

Ah, I see. A bit more private, like, eh?

Happily, somebody in there up to me.

Right, now. Come here.

Yes, right. Right.

I told him I was going to be.

That's the first set of points out of the jump.

Now we swing.

The voice of experience.

Do you know what I'm doing?

I'm buying myself a railway station.

It's down on the Cornish coast. Oh, we haven't

been formally introduced.

I expect most of you haven't heard Charlie talking about me.

Billy Cavendish. William Jay.

Business at a party. I don't believe in argy -bargy, so you might as well know

I'm stopping right here until I am absolutely bog -eyed.

All right, well, here's to good old Charlie, then.

Who's he mean by Charlie?

Here we are again.

Sorry,

can't get through there. Come on, back the other way. Come on. There we

are.

There we are.

Coming up. Steve, isn't it?

Got it? Yes, that's right.

You get a lot of ribbing.

Ribbing? Yes, you know, Steve. Funny name like that.

Horses, stallions and so forth.

I expect you take a lot of ribbing. No, I haven't taken anything since my prep

school days.

Ah, I see. One of those old school tie -types.

Well, I started from nothing. Now look at me. Half a dozen companies.

Villa in camp.

Five cars.

Five of them. I change them every year.

Cost doesn't bother me. Excuse me.

I don't mind being held up by her. A bit on the skinny side, though. Like a plug

myself.

Hello. Hey,

watch it. You'll have it all.

Thought it was all right there. Said she was a model. Then I find out she really

does model.

She's not like Charlie at all.

Hey, where is Charlie, anyway?

I'd better go and find him.

I'll be back.

Charlie!

Do you suppose that chap gate crashed?

I can't for the life of me associate him with Sir Arthur Linden. Why should you?

Sir Arthur is our host. Come, come, old man. We're all guests of Major Manville.

I don't know anybody named Manville. Well, you ought to look at your

more closely. Look.

There you are.

Major Manville requests.

Take a look at mine. What?

How extraordinary.

Sir Arthur Linden. I was invited by Tony Linklater.

Fertilizer.

Isn't this her? Oh, yes.

Well, can I help you? You can get out of my way. I'm going on a train. But your

host, sir, he wants you to remain in the club car. Well, I bet he doesn't know.

And that bunch of toppy -nosed snobs, well, he corners all the nookies

else. Go on. I'm sorry, sir, but my instructions are that you should not be

allowed to leave.

Instructions allowed?

Come on, but this is a party.

Do you know who I am?

Yes, Mr. Cavendish.

Oh, you seriously say you can't get away with that sort of thing? It's fine.

Yeah.

As far as I know, it was the sweepstakes people who invited me. My editor asked

me along.

I suppose this isn't some sort of cheap journalistic trick. Oh, don't be so

ridiculous. What about some papers?

Oh, what's it matter anyway? It's a party, isn't it? I'm going to enjoy

I think she's absolutely right. I agree.

All the victims are some practical joke, but so far I'm enjoying myself.

It must be almost midnight.

And it is. Who's without a drink?

Wow.

in a second and let the dog see the rabbit.

Where is he?

Wolverhampton.

Hey, it should be fun to have him there. The train would be actually packed. It

would be more snuggly with the four of us.

It's a bit quiet for Wolverhampton. It's a bit quiet on the other.

It is, isn't it? Hold on.

Where are you going? Have a look. All right. Anybody else, hold on.

Hey, there then.

Steady, steady, steady.

No, he's not drunk. What happened to you, eh?

Bloke. Conductor Bloke.

Clobbered me.

What? Sure, this is too much. We'll find the fellow, see what he has to say.

I'll take him out. Come to the bar on that. Watch it now.

What, in the teeth?

Let's have a look.

Well, that's funny. It's locked.

Mr. C!

This is delirious.

That is not closed down years ago.

Where's the rest of the train?

The horse has bolted.

Well?

Nothing here. How about you?

Nothing.

The place is completely deserted.

I'm outside with a sore butt.

Here, it's odd there wasn't a guard.

It's a private excursion. All the same, there should have been a guard. It's

against regulations not to.

Well, what do we do now?

We have a word with the others and the cop car. Right. Excuse me, Napoleon.

It's

outrageous.

Yes. I'm going to be in town tomorrow, dead on the dot at 12, important

business. Survive? At noon tomorrow?

Yes. What kind of business? Ah, we're back. Well, Arlo, what's the score? Our

friend is right. The place is deserted.

Oh, of course it's deserted. I told you Badger's Mount closed down years ago.

There used to be a mine or something around here. That died, so did the

and the station. Everybody moved away.

You know this area, then? Well, I worked this line a couple of times, yeah.

How far away is the nearest town?

Paddyham would be the nearest. That's about ten miles.

I don't even think there's a proper road in here anymore.

There must be a farmhouse around somewhere.

Somewhere? But where?

I mean, this time of night you could walk round for miles and never find one.

Well, we seem to be marooned. We'll have to make the best of it.

I say, it could be fun. You could make the best of it. You've got a mind to.

I'm not spending the night stuck in the middle of nowhere. I've got things to do

tomorrow. And what do you suggest?

It's obvious, isn't it?

One of us has got to go and fetch some help.

Are you volunteering, Mr. Cavendish? No, I'm not. I'm not much of a one for

walking. Well, who then?

What about him?

He's already admitted he knows the area.

What, a ten -mile walk at this time of night? Yeah.

It only takes one of us to fetch help, doesn't it? Better than a stocky doing

nothing. Well, we've no right to ask you. Oh, I don't mind.

I don't mind going.

It'll take a few hours, but I don't mind. Oh, that's settled, then. I don't.

I don't think he should leave.

Why not?

I don't know.

I don't think he should, that's all. We should all stay together.

Well, I'm inclined to agree with that.

Look, for Pete's sake, the man's agreed, hasn't he? Yes, but in such a long way.

Look, look, I can't afford to wait till morning. If we leave it till that long,

we'll never be in town by noon tomorrow, and I've got to be.

Well, so have you. You said so yourself.

I mean... Well, none of us want to stay here all night.

But it is a long walk.

I've got to be in town early tomorrow myself. There's no point in hanging

here. Sooner I leave, sooner I get back.

There you go, sir.

Don't bother about the expense.

Send the fast car back. I'll pay.

Right, here's for a little tipple.

Why didn't you want him to leave?

I'm not sure.

It's so dark out there, isn't it?

I just got this feeling this isn't a joke anymore.

Joke? Of course it's a joke. It's a damn poor one, too.

Mind you, he ought to have known.

He would have been warned. Ah.

Well, the invitation. Look.

Look, see there now. Like a ruddy great train ticket, isn't it?

But have you read the small print? I have. Always read the small print. Now,

look there, see?

Valid for single journey only.

The lights!

Ah, the batteries are going. They can't last all night. It's getting cold, too.

Mm, and spooky.

We'll all go in the waiting room. We'll have a cozy fire. Come on.

I'll bring the booze.

All

right,

then, ladies.

Now, watch the Grand Canyon.

Whoops. It's chilly, isn't it? I think it is. That'll cross you now. We'll cut

up a few years of security park after you.

Oh, that's better.

Well, well, well.

Well, how kind of him.

Eh? Well, the sheriff fellow, he must have lit it before he left.

That grate was empty when we were here.

But it must have been him, mustn't it?

He wouldn't have had time.

Then that supposes there's someone else on this station.

Yes, it supposes.

What are you driving at, Mr. Street?

Do you know something we don't? I reckon he does.

He's taken all his business very quietly, hasn't he? I reckon it's more

than me, see. I'd like to know what.

Why are we all here?

How do you mean?

Why us? Why just us?

A good question.

I've been asking myself the same thing.

What do you mean? Well, you must see, we've all been specially selected to be

victims of this joke.

The club car, you... There was only a sense of the club car, wasn't there?

When I tried to leave, that fella covered me.

Exactly. But why?

Do you suppose it's a mass kidnapping?

I'm certainly worth a bobbiter. It doesn't work for me, I'm afraid. No, nor

I'm mortgaged up to me whiskers.

Just the same. We were lured onto that train.

All those invitations purporting to come from personal friends.

But what is the common link?

Background?

I think not.

Well, how about profession?

I dabble on the stock exchange myself.

Steel, mostly.

That's it. I'm interested in that line myself.

Scrap metal. But Jane here is a model. I work on a paper.

And you?

Electronics. Really? I didn't know.

Yes, a government establishment.

I can't tell you more than that. I'm afraid I'm not allowed to. Oh.

And what about you?

Now, we didn't finish our little discussion about you, did we? Well,

most to me. I ride, shoot a little, cast a creditable dry fly.

Yeah, but that's not work, is it? Can be. These weekend house parties. The

take all the best cheers. The guests set to sit on the floor playing Mahjong.

Excuse me. Bloody lounge lizard.

Gentlemen of leisure, please.

Well, that doesn't get us anywhere.

If you want to know why I think we're over here, I think it's got something to

do with noon tomorrow.

That's exactly what I've been thinking. Thinking what? The thing we all have in

common. An important appointment in town tomorrow.

Good grief.

You too?

Why, yes. It's imperative I'm there by twelve tomorrow. And me. That only

you.

Yes. I have an appointment too.

Is somebody trying to nobble me business -wise?

Somebody seems to be trying to nobble us all.

But why?

I can understand it in your case, Mr Cavendish, big business.

But with me, why do I only have to be in town to conclude a small land deal?

Land? What kind of land? One solitary building plot.

Where? In Cornwall.

On the Millhouse estate?

Why, yes.

At Smallwood?

Yes. We're all going to be neighbours. At least we were all going to be. I'm

going to build a roadhouse. Took an option on the plot.

But the option has to be taken up at 12 noon tomorrow.

Ah, if it isn't signed and sealed, then it becomes invalid.

That's right. Somebody else could grab it.

Well, he's not getting away with it. Not with me, he won't. As soon as that

sheriff fellow comes back with a car, I'm up to town.

Right.

Oh, damn. They've run out. I'll go and get another bottle.

It's a cheeky scheme.

And a bit thin, too.

I mean, how did he hope to keep us all here?

I suppose you wanted your land to be near your work.

Well, electronics.

You know, government work was a big installation down there at Smallwood. I

didn't say I worked at Smallwood, Mr. Steve.

I thought just a cottage somewhere quiet to go spend an occasional weekend.

So that's what you wanted the land for?

That's what I want the land for, Mr. Steve.

It's not in the past tense yet. He hasn't beaten us. What makes you so sure

it's a he?

What a way to... I think we all ought to wait here for the sheriff. He'll come

back with a posse or a taxi or something or other.

There's the weakness.

Cavendish was right. The scheme is a bit thin. I mean, how could he hope to keep

us all here?

He's probably dying to delay us a little, that's all.

Yes, but there's nothing to stop us getting up and walking out through...

I

thought I heard someone coming.

What a lazy bounder. He didn't even go.

But who could have done this? It certainly wasn't Kewpie. Hey!

Don't blighters pitch me boy narrows.

I've never used a damn thing in my life. I wouldn't know which end was which.

That's the truth.

Nobody's doubting you, Mr. Cavendish, but I think it explains your question.

How we're all to be kept here. Now, look, can you get them down the waiting

room? I'll go and have a look around. Yes, of course.

Well, there's no sense in wasting this. We can all use a drink. Let's all go to

the waiting room, eh? Come on, pussy.

That's right.

Come on, dear fellow. Come on.

We'll have a nice drink.

Don't look so worried.

Is that you?

Sheriff is dead.

I saw him leave. Nevertheless, we found him in the ticket office with an arrow

in his back.

We must have killed him outside and brought him back in.

I'm not blaming you.

How many of them are there?

I'm not sure.

At least two.

Was the conductor one of them? Yes, I caught a glimpse of him over there.

The other side of the line, strategic position.

Steve, why was the sheriff killed?

He seemed so eager to leave. I thought he must be our man.

Honestly, he wasn't.

You stay this side of the line.

They know the layout. We don't. I'm sure you're not worried about me, Steve.

Oh, me?

You're my only ally.

Well, there's no doubt about it. Our practical joke really means business. We

ought to fetch the police.

Ten miles away?

It's awfully dark out there. We're stuck in the middle of nowhere. You can go if

you like. I'm stopping right here. That's just what he wants. I've gathered

that. And if I stay put, no arm will come to me. Either we should all agree

go or none of us should. That makes sense to me. I don't want you to go.

I don't like to lose you, little kitten.

But I'm afraid I have to.

Hey, there's someone missing.

Dorothy Wilson, the highwaywoman. Where is she?

Handle the girl all right? What do you think?

Neatly, I hope.

Boss likes everything to be neat.

Oh, no. Why not?

Quiet. That's the advantage of this.

No noise.

Just a little swish.

All right, you keep an eye out in here. See no one else starts hanging about.

I'll keep watch the other side.

Oh, look, there. How about you?

No sign of him.

Carry on looking. I'll try the club car. Right.

Sort of taking charge around here, isn't he? Hmm?

Hmm.

Well, I had no luck either.

Couldn't find her anywhere.

Miss Wilson went to the club car to get her purse. Fairly, I must have just

missed you. Perhaps you weren't looking any too hard.

Perhaps it was just an excuse, eh? Get away for a while, attend to some other

business. Other business? I don't quite understand.

What's that?

Somebody just took a shot at me, too.

Who did then? None of us there to see. I was very convenient.

Lord, I don't believe he's speaking my mind. This fellow's been smart ruddy,

Alec, in all evening, hasn't he?

I reckon he knows too much about his business for my comfort. Sit down, Mr.

Cavendish. It couldn't possibly be him. He's much too sweet. No, he fits for

my... Would somebody mind explaining?

Explain? He's a cool one, isn't he? You know damn well what we're on about. Mr.

Cavendish! Hello!

Please.

We had a meeting while you were out.

Obviously.

There are six of us here, Mr. Steed. But there were seven.

Did you, uh...

Did you work that out all by yourselves?

There were seven of us in that club car, Mr. Steed.

It was Miss Wentworth here who pointed out a fact we'd all of us overlooked.

yes, but I still don't think it's you. Seven of us and only six plots of land.

The sheriff said he'd bought some land. Do you remember? He said he'd bought no

railway station. Of course he did. And one of the small wood plots has got a

diseased station on it.

That accounts for one piece of land.

But five still remain.

Five plots and six people claiming ownership.

I see what you mean. That leaves us with only one solution.

One of us here is an imposter.

Well, that's an unpleasant thought.

Decidedly unpleasant.

And I've been nominated in my absence as the man most likely for Capfit.

I'm sorry to disappoint you. I also have an option on a piece of land at

Smallwood. Ah, well, so it still could be anyone. Anyone.

It is away.

We can narrow it down.

Miss Wilson, will you come over here and sit down?

Mr. Steen?

Map of the Smallwood estate.

You carry it with you at all times, eh?

I'm a meticulous man, Mr. Steve.

Meticulous.

That's quite simple.

We all know we can eliminate this plot.

That's where the old railway station is. The others I'm going to number from one

to five.

What the devil's that going to do?

That's quite simple.

We always know...

Which plot is ours, don't we? Oh, yes.

Mine's the one... No, no.

Don't tell us.

Let's take it out on the map and then write down the number.

Then we'll be able to show which one we've chosen.

Thank you.

Eyes down for the full house.

One of those numbers must be duplicated. That should get us somewhere.

Well? Very well.

as it was my idea.

Number one.

Number five.

Miss Wilson?

Number four.

Oh, my smart alecky.

And number four. What did I tell you? What do we do now?

Lock them both up. Why?

As Mr. Steed pointed out, this could just as easily have been planned by a

woman. But we know it's him. Do we?

Miss Wilson was out of our sight for some time, too.

But I've explained that. Better to be on the safe side, I think. I'm sure

there's a perfectly reasonable expert.

Complies me about removing that arrow, Mr. Preston?

Does that go with the costume?

My government work, Mr. Steed. It compels me to carry it at all times.

But these do go with the costume.

Meticulous.

Just made you choose my plot. Number four.

A sea view with trout fishing.

Trout fishing, remember?

And I picked the one plot of land the trout stream doesn't run through, so how

does it turn out to be yours?

You might have known I'd been poaching.

I wonder if I could try shooting him off.

Is that real?

Of course.

Why didn't you use him?

I didn't know about our friend the policeman.

He might have meant well. We can't go popping off innocent people.

I did know somebody who tried shooting a pair of handcuffs off. What happened?

Nowadays, he's laughing. He's known as Lefty.

Have you got hair, Jen?

Yes.

Ah, we'll have these off in a jiffy. You think so?

Yeah, I took a handcuffed course, not so long ago. Hold on.

Steed. Huh?

You're taking an option on that land. Wasn't a coincidence, was it? No. Then

why? Well, we've known for some time that someone's been buying up sections

land strategically close to our early warning radar stations.

Oh, sorry.

They use special companies, furious usually, to do it.

They do it secretly, you know, a number account in the Swiss bank.

What do you hold out of me?

It wasn't until the other day we realised why.

The missile attack?

Eh?

The missile attack?

Yeah.

Now, all these sections of land have something in common.

They haven't been built on. They're never more than a couple of miles away

the early warning radar station. They have some elevation. They're an ideal

anyway to set up some sort of temporary transmitter.

A transmitter?

Or a jamming device, you mean? Oh, something like that.

Anyway, something that can feed incorrect information to the stations.

What would be the value of a device like that?

Take the other day.

Supposing that would happen every day.

A series of false alarms?

It'd be pretty nerve -wracking. More than that. Our radar people will begin

doubt their own equipment.

Never mind that.

We don't need to have all the radar stations sewn up to do that, and they

haven't got Smallwood.

Oh! Oh.

Did you pass that handcuff course?

Well,

it'll be daylight soon.

Everything will look different in the morning.

We'll be able to see that ten -mile hike ahead of us. It'll be summit.

A fellow steel will get his deserts, too. That'll be simple.

You still think he's responsible?

Of course I do.

Don't you?

You locked him up. He couldn't have done it alone.

That's certain.

I think I'll take a look around.

You must have got into him.

It was a silly mistake to make.

Steed him that woman.

If either of them was the person, it was a silly mistake to make. What do you

mean?

Not knowing about the land, I mean.

Well, that sort of person, they often overlook a small detail.

Yes, but the party and everything, nothing was overlooked there, was it? It

well organised, I'll grant you that.

Well, that's daft.

Because if neither of them was the one, it must be one of us.

It was well organised, wasn't it?

By a meticulous mind.

Aye. He's really meticulous.

I reckon we'd better see what he's up to.

Oh.

Now, this is an early Victorian.

My course seemed to embrace antiques.

Steve, is he here, the man who's behind it all?

I think so.

You knew that when you accepted the invitation?

Well, let's put it like this.

I know that my friend Tony Linklater is in the Argentine at the moment. He was

the one who invited me.

Surely the last thing whoever's behind this business would want would be for

land business to come out into the open.

I mean, now you've got to kill us all.

And you and I are sitting ducks.

That's precisely what I want.

The last resort?

He's got to come to us.

We've got to get rid of all of them.

That's right, the boss just told me.

Someone's blown the gaps that they've all got to go.

Quiet and neat, the way the boss likes it.

You can start there.

Uh -huh.

She's fascinated by me.

It's my winning smile.

You took a smile call?

That's a natural attribute.

Hey, pussy.

Pussy, pussy, pussy.

Hello. I still think you're rather nice. And I think you're absolutely

enchanting. You're rather fabby yourself.

And so are you. I wish I could do something about it, but I can't. Oh,

dear, dear, dear.

Now, if you were willing to help me... Oh, but I couldn't do that. The others

wouldn't like it a bit. But the others aren't here. Come on.

All I need is a screwdriver.

There's about anyone in the drawer there.

Oh, no, really, I couldn't. Why not? You're not scared of me, are you? Of

you aren't. I wouldn't hurt a fascinating little creature like you.

Well, you might.

And I wouldn't.

Yes, but you might.

But I wouldn't.

Cross my heart.

Look, I'm absolutely innocent.

I'm as innocent as you are.

Now, I warn you, the longer I stay here, the more danger you're in. I would have

thought it completely the opposite.

Oh, come on, please.

No. But you did ask nicely.

So much for the om -butter. I could see she was just crazy about you.

Well, beneath the wooing words hangs the evil deed.

Pickpocket course, too?

This is a lot stronger.

Oh, yes, this is much better.

By the way, how did you swap clothes with Darcy Wilson? Did you pop her in

cupboard or something? I didn't have to. She was laid out cold in the carriage

when I found her.

Chloroformed.

That's Dorothy Wilson. Yes.

Well, then, who's the woman with Steve?

That's what I'd like to know.

Pitch some brandy. And don't tell the others about this. Not yet.

Let's get going.

Steve, you know that business of the number plots could have worked. It just

wasn't brought to a conclusion.

Quite right. That's your department.

We split up.

She's coming round, I think.

Come on.

See you down, fool. Somebody swap costumes.

You let somebody cross us up and you know the boss likes things neat.

You'll have your guts for garters when he finds out.

Oh,

I don't know.

Can't find them anywhere.

Stay where you are, Mr Cavendish.

Pussy. There's a scrap of paper under that table. Get it for me.

We're going to finish our game and find the plot.

Well?

It's blank.

There's nothing on it.

That's not mine.

I've still got mine here.

Go on.

Put it on the table.

Number three.

That leaves only one person.

Quite right, my dear lady.

And unfortunately prophetic, too.

It will leave only one of our gay little party.

Raise your hands, please.

I'm afraid you all stand in the way of my mission.

Nobody must do that.

Committing the world to an atomic war, you call that a mission?

There will be destruction, yes.

But there will also be the defeated and the victors.

I intend to be among the latter.

Where's Mr. Steed?

No matter. I shall find him.

Make it neat this time.

Come on. Over against the bar.

Mr.

Preston?

Mr.

Preston?

Oh, yes, sir.

Yes,

we've only just got back ourselves, you know, so it's a long way from Waterloo.

Station, that is.

Well,

the holiday traffic is very heavy, too, sir.

Yes, sir, I'll let you know immediately.

Everything all right?

Fine. The government have gone and buy up all of Napoleon's land under

compulsory order.

Including your plot at Smallwood?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Pretty. I was looking forward to that trout fishing.

Oh, well, it'll be government property by midday.

All the civil servants will be building their country seats on it.

How's that, eh? Just what the doctor ordered.

Should be. It's on ice since we got back.

When do they bring us back by train?

About a bar or two.

Mmm, 45.

Liberation of Paris in a splendid year.

Talking of years, a happy new one to you. I didn't get a chance before.

And to you, my dear.

And many of them.

Very, very many of them.

Let's not push our lucks, Dean.

We only just got through this one.