Original subtitles

I don't know.

If you all answer the call when your professor cries, everybody down and hear

you. Up on your toes, stay out of school, learn how it goes.

Everybody do the varsity drag.

Boo!

How about it down?

Oh, I'd love to, Pepper. I promised to dance with Richard. Do you know who he

is? David? Yeah. Did he study, I think? What's he doing there? Oh, research,

doctor. We're not supposed to know anything about it. Well, I'd better go

dig him out. If you insist.

But you don't know what you're missing.

No, look, darling, I think I'll just go and get some drinks.

Well,

you don't look very happy.

Well, I've just been given the push by that delectable Venus Smith.

Well, I do insist.

Yes, very well.

All right. Thank you. Richard, help!

Richard?

Richard!

Listen, sir, you can have that on your bill.

Please.

Show us it down.

Thank you.

What's happened?

Richard Davis committed suicide last night.

Suicide? According to the local police, there's no reason to disillusion him one

way or the other for the time being.

Well, I can't say I'm altogether surprised.

While you were away, someone made contact with Davies and tried to

into giving them information about his work in Professor Orbin's research

department. Well, he fed them a bit of unimportant data to keep them happy. In

the meantime, he notified me. Do we know who's blackmailing him? If we knew

that, Steve, there'd be no need for either of us to be here.

I take it you never met Davies?

Not since we were at school together. I got a message waiting for me last night

when I came back from Cairo. The message being from your friend, Miss Venus

Smith? That's right. Yes, I noticed that she was seen here during the Rag Week

festivities. I take it that the university is indebted to you for that

arrangement. I thought you could keep an eye on Davis while I was away. Not very

successfully, unfortunately. Well, my work took a little longer. You know,

Steed, I disapprove of amateurs.

However, there's so much water under the bridge.

The point is that Davis won't be the only brain in the university thereafter.

What's your cover?

Literary research.

I'm only interested in Dr. Johnson's friend.

Italian name.

Piazzi. Oh, yes, that's right.

Xthrail. You know, Steed, your cover usually has a large element of wishful

thinking. Anything else, sir? That's all.

I shall, of course, be staying with my old friend, the Vice -Chancellor. Keep

informed. You haven't told me what you want me to do yet.

In the words of your literary doctor friend, sir, I have found you an

I am not obliged to find you an understanding.

I can't tell you how delighted I am, Roberts.

Aubin, I congratulate you on your choice. You realize, of course, en

that he won't be able to devote quite so much time to tutoring?

No, of course he won't.

Still, the work that Davis was on must be continued.

As his assistant, I suppose you've got to know him pretty well.

Well, he was never really the sort of person one could get to know well, sir,

but he was a pleasant enough chap to work with.

Extraordinary. Everything before him. His research work was quite remarkable.

Every prospect of a brilliant career.

Oh, fellow.

I suppose we shall never really know why he took his own life. I hope you won't

mind using his room.

No, I had expected that, sir. Good. Well, as I said before, the appointment

my full approval, and I'm perfectly certain you'll make a great success of

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid I've got a very busy morning.

Oh.

Paul Bean, I'm expecting young Green in one of the quarters. If you see him

outside, ask him to come in. One can only make a retreat, it is.

Well, good luck, my dear fellow. Thank you, sir.

Come in.

Good morning, Harry.

Good morning.

Good morning, Mr. Green. Well, I'll leave you to it. No, no, I'd like you to

stay.

Now, Mr. Green, Mr. Jackson here tells me that you've been returning to the

college after hours on several occasions recently.

I'm very sorry, sir. Now, what have you been up to?

I was at a party.

No, I don't just mean last night.

Have you got some attachment in the town?

Not now, sir.

Now, listen to me, Green.

College rules were made to be observed. If I have reports of this kind of thing

again, I shall take disciplinary action that I'm perfectly certain won't appeal

to you. You understand what I mean, don't you?

Yes, sir.

All right. That's all. You can go.

Thank you, sir.

Worried about that boy, Harriet.

I understand on the very best authority that he's been spending money in the

town that I'm perfectly certain he hasn't got. Now, where's it coming from?

I don't know.

There have been several complaints of petty pilfering in the past month, but

bound to say Green doesn't strike me as the type. I agree with you. All the

same, I'd like you to keep an eye on him. I've heard about this pilfering,

I'm not going to have the good name of the college smeared. Something's got to

be done about it.

Sorry, miss.

Oh, well, never mind. Good morning. Come and sit down.

Burlington 30, eh? You managed to get here very quickly.

What'll you have to drink? A pineapple juice, please. A pineapple juice and a

large scotch whiskey, please. A grain, my dear, which in England is generally

given to horses, in Scotland supports the people. Eh? Aha.

Dr. Johnson.

Oh, wasn't it tragic about your friend Richard Davis?

He was such a nice person, too.

Yeah, he was. Did he say anything that might suggest he was going to kill

himself? No, nothing at all. He didn't leave any note or anything like that?

that I know of, no.

Well, was he quite happy?

Well, it's funny you should say that, but there had been a girl in the town

he'd been going around with, an artist or something like that, and it didn't

work out so well, so I... There you are. Thank you very much. Just coming up.

Hey, how's the rag week going? Oh, fine, thanks. I'm sorry it's only going to be

one week. You know, singing the open, such a nice change from dreary old...

Igby. Hello, boys.

I'll be allowed to get some glasses, will you?

Sure.

Well, hello there, Venus Smith.

Well, hello there, Ted East. I didn't know you were staying here. He'd be well

chowed. I hope you're looking after my friend in style.

Well, of course, old boy.

Ted, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, John Steve, Ted East. How do you

How do you do? I'm Mrs. Claire Summers, the bohemian girl. Hello, Claire. Hello.

Now then, how about a drink?

I'll have a bitter, please.

One bitter, a coming over.

There we are.

You both got one.

And a whiskey for me.

You're a very good help.

That'll be three and a penny, ain't it, old man?

Oh, don't be silly, Higby. Chalk it up.

I say, Claire, did you enjoy the dance last night? With a ghastly drag.

It's one of the disadvantages of living in a university, Tyrese. I usually get

invited to these two. It's a jolly one thing she does. The shortage of

attractive women is simply sad.

That'll be three and seven, wouldn't take me, old man. I've got sixpence.

There you are. You're not at the college, then, Claire? Oh, it's sweet of

suggest it, but I'm a trifle overage. What do you do?

I paint.

Venus, when are you meeting your agent? Twelve o 'clock?

Eh? Oh, yes, yes. I must go.

Oh, shame.

Oh, I'll see you later then. Bye.

Bye.

Venus. Now there's a name to be proud of.

Evocative. Sensual.

The best my parents could dream of me was Ted.

You in the band?

No, I'm not musically inclined. Your turn.

I'm literary research.

Davis was doing that, wasn't he?

Well, it wasn't exactly literary. I don't know what all the fuss is about. I

thought he was a pretty boring chap, myself.

Darling, it must have been a terrible shock to his friends.

Have you heard anything?

He had one friend, young Venus. Really?

They were very friendly. He left her a note.

Strangely, they'd only known each other a week.

I thought the police said there wasn't a note.

Not by the body, just the one he sent to Venus. Come on, Claire, you've had

enough. Oh, darling, sorry. Look, I've got to fly. I've got someone coming to

look at a picture with me there.

See you soon. I think so.

Thanks for the drink.

Letter.

Jesus, sir.

That letter Davis sent to Venus, I suppose she handed it over to the

It would depend what was in it, wouldn't it?

Come in.

Darling.

Darling, I've got the most wonderful news. I've just been given Davis's job.

That's nonsense.

Of course, I'm not meant to tell anybody yet, but I had to come. and tell you.

Oh, I'm so glad. You deserve it. You really do.

Come here.

You know, if it wasn't for poor old Davis, I'd say I was the luckiest man in

world.

Nice job, and you as well.

What's the matter?

Nothing. Well, something is the matter. What is it?

It's nothing, really. I'm sorry.

Whatever it is, you can tell me about it.

Well, it's so silly, really.

I owe somebody some money. I haven't got it, and they want it back.

Who wants it back?

Higby.

The chap who runs the volunteer?

Yes. He has a restaurant as well. I did the murals there some time ago.

That's how I got to know him. However much do you owe him?

Rather a lot.

Remember I told you my mother was ill recently?

It cost the family a small fortune. I had to make my contribution.

So I went to Higby. He's got plenty of cash. He made me a loan.

Well, now he's threatening to take me to court if I don't pay it back

immediately.

Look, darling, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm absolutely flat broke.

Oh, darling.

Oh, I know.

It wasn't that.

I just had to tell somebody.

What about that picture you sold the other week to that American chap? What

his name? Finch or Pinch or something? Lynch.

Peter Lynch.

There's his check.

That's for 220 pounds. Surely that's enough.

Yes, but don't you see he's put in writing 220 guineas. That's 210 pounds.

No bank would ever cash that because the letters and the figures don't agree.

No, I'm afraid they wouldn't.

That is my own fault, really.

I should have watched him make out the cheque.

I suppose I was so excited about selling a painting.

Well, you can just get him to write another cheque.

Only that he's left the country.

He's in the middle of the Atlantic on the Queen Elizabeth.

Well, then you'll just have to go to Higby and explain the whole thing.

I've tried.

He won't listen.

Well, do you want me to have a go at it? Oh, darling, no.

It wouldn't do any good.

The awful thing is the idiot included a blank check in the deal.

I didn't realise I'd got it until after he'd gone.

It is rather tempting, isn't it?

You're not thinking of trying to copy his signature or something silly, are

No. No, of course not.

Well, I must say, it wouldn't be a bad idea.

After all, he does owe me the money, doesn't he? It's not as if I'm trying to

get something out of him for nothing.

That's no good.

I'd never be able to copy his signature.

You're a... Come on, let me have a go.

Now, where's your pen?

I'd rather you didn't.

Someone's got to get you out of this mess.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

What are you doing

here?

Sorry, I must be in the wrong room by mistake. I've seen you around the

haven't I? Yes. What's your name?

Green.

Look, I can explain.

I'm not here to steal anything, really, I'm not. Well, what are you here for,

then? I'm looking for a letter.

What letter?

The letter Davis sent you before he killed himself.

But he never sent me any letter.

But I heard that he did. Well, who told you that?

Well, I was a friend of his, you see.

I just wanted to see what he said.

Well, I'm sorry, I haven't got any letter. I don't know what you're talking

about.

You're from Derby, aren't you?

Oh, yes.

Well, go on, buzz off and pop that back on your way out, will you?

I don't want a drink, Mr. Higby. I just wanted to see you.

Claire Summers asked me to give you this.

You'll see that it's made out to her, but she's endorsed it on the back so

you can pay it into your own account.

It's for 210 pounds, which I think is 10 pounds more than she owes you, so if

you give me the balance in cash, I'll take it back to her. Well, now, why

I just call that interest, old man?

Well, if you're not going to give me the change... Ah, wait a minute.

This chap, um, Lynch, he stayed here while he was visiting the city.

Uh, this is the check he paid me.

Those signatures don't quite look the same to me, old man.

They look the same to me? Yes, and I've got an eye for this sort of thing, you

know.

Now, who did this, you or your girlfriend?

Neither of us. They're completely genuine.

You're one of the bright boys, aren't you?

Stay out of trouble, keep your nose clean, you might get into the Royal

Now, if I pay this into the bank, apart from the fact you'll probably go to

jail, you'll be lucky if you end up as a stinks master in some crackpot prep

school. What the devil do you mean?

Well, let's just say that I'm a collector of facts and you're a forger.

And your girlfriend's an accessory. Of course, we also forget that.

Now, you've got a splendid new job, haven't you? And a girlfriend who'll be

so grateful to you for saving us.

So, supposing I hang on to this, and then if it's on future time, I should

you to do a little something for me, you'll remember to pay up, won't you?

That's the sort of thing the Sunday papers love, oh boy.

Now, why don't you just run along, hmm?

Well, what do you think of it?

I'm not committing myself.

No, not to Davis.

I feel quite sorry for this one.

Why?

Falling for you.

He doesn't know you, does he? What?

Just how much you like hurting people.

Now, now, now.

What happened to Green?

Well, he didn't get the letter.

He got caught.

Caught? No, it's all right. That girl, Smith, didn't go to the police.

I wonder if it is all right.

Why didn't she go to the police?

I don't know. Maybe she was sorry for him.

Perhaps there wasn't a letter after all.

Now, why do you say that?

Well, doesn't it strike you as odd that a man should send a suicide note just

before he's murdered?

He said his name was Green.

See what I can find out about him. Oh, I don't want to do anything about the

break -in. You know, he might get expelled or something like that.

Sent down is the expression.

Yes, but it all seems so silly, asking for a letter that doesn't even exist.

Hello? Hello?

Is that Miss Smith?

Yes, who's that?

You won't know me. I'm a friend of Richard Davies.

I understand he wrote you a letter just before he took his life.

Look, who is that, please? I'm sorry, I can't tell you my name.

I want you to put that letter behind the notice board at the foot of staircase

number two in St. Luke's College.

Do you understand?

Well, yes, but look... I can't do as you're told, Miss Smith. I really

Leave it there at 11 o 'clock tonight.

But... But I don't understand. First of all, an undergraduate breaks into my

room and then threatening phone calls. And then all after some letter which I

just haven't got.

Well, look, surely you don't think Richard Davis would have sent me a

just before he died, do you? No, but he might have done if he'd had the chance

to think of it. You were a friend of his. What are you doing?

Preparing the letter he ought to have written.

I think you should deliver it as he suggested.

But there was no letter.

I know, there will be.

Only the pages won't have any writing on them.

Hold on. Bye.

And there you are, my dear.

And I'll be close by to see who collected it. You don't think Davis was

murdered, do you? I mean, you do really think he committed suicide?

If he was murdered, he wouldn't have known in time to write to you, would he?

But he didn't write to me.

Precisely.

Hey, you're quite sure you won't tell me what you were doing in the town between

1 and 2 p .m. yesterday?

I can't remember, sir. You can't remember?

All right, well, I'll have to tell you.

Now, this is a letter from Mr. Higby.

He's the landlord of the Volunteer Public House. Do you know him? Yes, sir.

Well, Mr. Higby says that he had a complaint from one of his guests, Miss

Smith.

She says that she found you in her room searching her luggage. Mr. Higby goes on

to say that...

Subsequently, it was discovered that money and cigarettes was missing from

bar. What have you got to say about that?

Sir, I admit I was in Miss Smith's room, but I didn't see anything.

That's enough.

Fortunately, Mr. Higby has assured me that he is not going to prosecute. That

old sorry business is such a disgrace to the college that I'm afraid I've got no

alternative but to recommend that you be sent down immediately.

Sir, if you'll only give me a chance to explain. Don't argue with me, Green. All

that I can do is to assure you that you will be given an opportunity later to

defend your conduct.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

That's all right. You can go.

I said you can go.

Enough. Oh, God.

Sorry. What's wrong?

I'm going to be sent down.

Sent down? What for?

It doesn't really matter.

I'll never fit it into this place anyway.

Don't you realize what being sent down is going to mean for the rest of your

life? Yes, of course I do.

Oh, damn it, man. You can't just take it like that. Aren't you going to do

something about it?

What's the use?

I might as well be dead for all they care. Yes, but it's very... Oh, leave me

alone.

Anything you say.

Good evening, Professor Aubin. Your usual.

Thank you. What up?

Sally.

Il va pleuvoir, as Victor Hugo said.

Professor Aubin?

Yes? I'm delighted to meet you. My name's Steve, John Steve. I read your

on metal fatigue and supersonic aircraft.

Now, that was fascinating.

Oh, thank you.

And you are?

18th century English literature. I'm down here doing literary detective work

Mrs. Piazzi.

Mrs.? Dr. Johnson's old flame.

Oh, yes, yes, quite.

Have you met Dr.

Shanklin? Dr.

Shanklin? He's rather hot on these 18th century ladies.

No, not yet, but I hope to have the opportunity of doing so, I must say.

Hey, getting back to your research department, wasn't Richard Davis part of

Yes. You knew him?

Well, not since I was at school. That's a long time ago.

Obviously.

It was a terrible thing to happen.

Can you think of any reason?

I don't know.

Still, sunt lacrimae reiret mentem mortalia tengunt.

As Virgil rather neatly put it, no reason at all.

Overworked, perhaps.

Who's taken his place?

Oh, a very nice young man, very pleasant, called Robert. Used to be

assistant.

Can I buy you that a house? Oh, that's very kind of you.

Pro bono publico.

It's a pleasure. Make the change to get away from Mrs. Piazzi for a while.

So, have you brought her with you, then?

Not literally.

No, Mr. Steed, so you heard that, did you?

Of course.

Good.

May I ask what you're doing in this extremely strange room?

I think I'd better take charge. No, no, no, don't worry about this.

This is Roberts' room, isn't it? It was Davis'. Whoever it belongs to, what are

you doing here?

I'm trying to work out how Davis killed himself.

I think I should leave that to the police.

Yes, well, they don't seem to have been very bright about it.

You see, these rooms are as stuffy as hell, so let's assume that the window is

open as it is now.

Now, you heard this thing just now when I fired it off. Yet last night, the quad

was teeming with people, and nobody heard anything when Davis killed

There was a dance going on.

Yes.

But the band didn't start until 8 o 'clock.

And according to the police, Davis died sometime before that.

You see, I keep asking myself this simple historical question.

Have you ever heard of anybody shooting themselves with a silencer?

Our conversation was just becoming interesting. Never mind about...

Was he a friend of yours?

It's Green.

He was going to be sent down. He's been sent down, all right. He's dead.

Come in.

I don't know what you're seeing, those things.

Like me.

Well, did you get it?

Did she put it there herself?

Yes.

Does anyone see you collect this from the notice board? No, of course not.

What does it say?

It says nothing.

Well, your little telephone call didn't work, did it, dear?

Don't you lose your temper with me.

You want to take it out on somebody, you have another go at Venus Smith.

Yes.

Yes, perhaps you're right.

I think we've got to show that silly little girl that we're serious.

I know.

What's that?

Face cream.

You can't send her that.

Why not? That'll burn her face off. So what?

She's got to be taught a lesson.

You really do like hurting people, don't you? Oh, shut up.

You've got to do as I tell you.

And so has Venus Smith.

It is the local police. Another suicide popped up to the file.

Do you know you're looking particularly beautiful tonight?

That's very neat, really.

Green, the undergraduate with the most reason for wishing he hadn't been born,

suddenly found himself dead.

Poor Green. He was being expelled, wasn't he? Sent down, yes.

That's what I said. He got the push.

For pilfering, apparently.

Are you ready? I want to go down to the college.

Yes, I shall be a moment.

And since you seem to think I need so much improving, thank you very much for

the cream.

What? The first cream. It was very sweet of you.

Give me a nose. Oh, you're welcome. Have you gone mad?

What's in there? It's car, your taste for life.

Trichloroacetic acid.

I've got to get this off you. I've got it on me.

I didn't like it. It smells of swimming pools. You're breaking my neck.

Heck.

Hey, why would anyone want to do a thing like that to me?

I can't imagine.

Unless it was to warn you off.

Robert, so love has a new job.

Not so much of the old love, young man.

What's the trouble with you undergraduates today? You've got no

betters. Oh, don't give me that. Have you read my thesis yet?

Oh, that's what you call it. It certainly is, my son, and let me tell

my ideas on the cubic opacity of minerals will revolutionize scientific

for years to come. I wish I could share your comfort. I've just seen something

rather attractive.

Hello, Venus, barber of the quad.

What are you doing in our academic midst? Oh, uh, this is Mr. Roberts, our

resident metallurgist. Yes, I know him. Yes, hello.

I say, you're a bit of a dark horse, aren't you? I didn't know you could play

the guitar. Well, after five years concentrated practice, I've succeeded in

learning one number. Dig this, honey?

Yellow bird, you sit all alone like me.

Did your lady friend leave the nest again? That is very sad, make you feel

bad. You must fly away, in the sky away. You must fly away.

Richard Davies. Do you think we can go to my room?

Yes.

Sir?

It would be a pity to allow your musical talents to stand in the way of your

success in the examination room.

Sir.

I'm so sorry to drag you away, but you always seem to be surrounded by people.

Oh, that's all right.

Would you care for a cigarette?

Oh, no, thank you. I've got to think of my voice, you know.

Oh, yes, of course.

Would you like a cup of tea? I won't say no to that. Thank you.

What did you want to see me about?

Well, I gather you have a letter that Richard Davis sent you just before he

died. I wondered if I could see it.

I haven't got it with me, actually.

Do you think we could go back to your room for it?

I'm sorry, but what's it got to do with you anyway?

Well, you see, I was a friend of his.

Just wanted to know why he killed himself.

Do you take sugar? No, thank you.

You haven't shown it to anybody, have you? No.

Not even the police?

Well, it was a personal letter, you see.

How well did you know, Davies?

Oh, not very well. We used to chat. Do you know that he chose to write a letter

to you? I don't know. Maybe he thought I was sympathetic.

That letter doesn't exist, does it, Miss Smith?

You made it up. Why do you say that?

Because I think Richard Davies was murdered.

You see, I've taken over his work since he died.

And I know now that he was on the verge of a most important discovery.

He'd never have killed himself at such a time. It just doesn't make sense.

Am I interrupting?

Oh, no. We were just talking about David from that letter, you know.

I see. Who are you? This is a friend of mine, John Steed. John Steed. John

Steed. This is Jack Roberts.

Jack Steed. This is Jack... Anyway, marvellous. How do you do? Call me Bert.

Thank you. How do you do?

So, uh, you what... Oh, what does he think? You know something about this

letter, do you?

Yes, he does. He thinks the same as you do, that David has no reason to kill

himself.

So you think that Davis was murdered too?

Yes, I do.

Have you any idea who might have killed him? No.

I'm off.

Where are you going?

To spray my throat.

What's the matter with it?

Nothing. I'm just going to spray it.

Problem.

You've taken over Davis's job, haven't you? Yes. You realize you might be next

on the list? Yes, I know. That's why I want to find out what happened to him. I

don't blame you. So do I. Now, I've got a theory. It seems to me that there's an

organization in this university blackmailing undergraduates.

They could see how useful that'd be to enemy agents, get their hands on them.

Tomorrow's top men, today's undergraduates. Yes, but it's not just

undergraduates, Mr. Steed. I've been approached as well.

I see. What happened?

Well, it wasn't ideological conversion or anything like that. As you rightly

guessed, it was blackmail.

You see, well, rather stupidly, I tried to copy the signature on a check to help

a friend of mine out of a jam.

Some jam?

Well, it wasn't money they were entitled to, but when I went to cash this

check... The man I tried to cash it with turned out to be a member of this

organization. Who was it? A chap called Higby.

The man who runs a volunteer?

Yes. Yes, that's the one.

But I don't think he's their leader.

There's someone else behind him. I'm sure of this. You forged this check off

your own bat?

Well... Well, yes.

I see. Now, look here.

I may be able to manage. I'm not saying I can, mind you. To see you won't be

prosecuted for this forgery. Now, will you help me?

Yes. You've got to trust each other. I really want to find out who's the head

this organization.

I think the best thing for you to do is to, yes, to pretend that you're

ideologically convinced.

Would you care for a cup of tea?

Thank you.

Yes, well, that was the one too many, wasn't it? Now, come on, chaps, off you

go. Come on, carry him out. I've got two hours' work to do when you fellas leave

here tonight. It's no fun running a pub, you know.

Come on, Geronimo, back to the reservation. They're dancing for rain

I'll take that. I'll lose more glasses that way. Go on, have to go.

Yeah, well, never mind about him. He's a shareholder.

I don't know. Why is it that beer always tastes so much better after closing

time? Well, have you got that information for me yet, old man?

No, I'm afraid I haven't had time yet.

Now, look.

If you don't do as I tell you, I've got information here that says you're a

forger. You won't need that, Mr. Higby.

I'm afraid you don't quite understand.

You and I are on the same side.

Yes. It's rather funny, really. I've been trying to get in touch with

from your organization for some time.

Great skies are going to clear up. Put on a happy face.

Brush off the clouds and cheer up.

Put on a happy face.

Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy, it's not your style.

You'll look so good that you'll be glad you decided to smile.

Pick out a pleasant outlook,

pick out that noble chin.

Take off the full of doubt look, slap on a happy grin.

doing literary research, is he? Well, let's just say that.

Far more interested in why Davidson Green killed himself.

Oh, let's talk about something else, shall we?

How about letting me take you home at the end of the week? Very nice of you,

Ted, but I should probably go back with Mr. Steed.

Hello, my dear.

Enjoying yourself?

Yes, we were, thank you. Excuse us, please. I want to dance with Venus.

She left you again?

Yes. Do you like to dance with me? Yes.

I'm worried about him. He seems to have disappeared.

Oh? If you see him, tell him you want to talk to him.

This

is

home. Aren't you going to ask me in? It's late.

Well, that doesn't matter.

I think you'd better get back to college. I don't want you gated on my...

nonsense. Don't be a naughty boy.

Well, what about some black coffee? No.

Why? No.

Well, then what about tomorrow?

Come round when you can.

Oh, ruddy women.

Oh,

darling.

I've been looking for you everywhere.

So you've picked up young East now, have you?

What? That was East you were with, wasn't it?

What about it?

I suppose I've ceased to be useful to you.

I'm sorry, darling. I just don't know what you're talking about.

Don't you?

He's made a pass at me, the dance. I've been trying to shake him off ever since.

And I just don't believe you. Why, darling, you can believe what you like.

happens to be true.

Oh, darling.

Come on, don't be a jealous old boy.

You can't be angry just because I enjoy myself sometimes.

You know I love you.

Is that why you got me to forge that check?

Of course it isn't.

Now, don't keep me in suspense any longer. Was it all right about the

Yes, I delivered it.

Higby didn't question it? Oh, no. It seemed to be just what he wanted.

Anyway, he didn't waste much time in giving me my orders.

Orders? Well, needless to say, Higby spotted the check as a forgery and

proceeded to blackmail me. It was all very cleverly worked out, Claire.

Why did you do it?

I don't know what you mean.

Why did you do it, Claire?

Do you think I wanted to do what I did?

What do you expect me to think?

Why did you do it?

How can I get you to understand?

Don't say it was your idea. Surely there was somebody else behind it.

Of course there was.

Darling, don't you realise I'm just as much a victim of these people as you

What people?

Well, they have agents in all the universities, blackmailing

working for them so that when they leave they can become useful to them.

That's how they got hold of me.

They tricked me into doing something that would send me to prison.

So this is my assignment.

To provide tea and sympathy for tomorrow's diplomats and scientists.

Oh, it isn't the same with you, darling, really.

Oh, I love you.

You must know that. You must believe me.

I really love you.

All right.

I believe you.

Damn. Come in, Higby.

Good evening, old boy.

Clare, what is this?

What's going on? Well, now, you didn't seriously think we were going to swallow

all that stuff about you being ideologically one of us, did you, old

You are a fool, Jack.

Clare.

You know, there was a time when I really thought you were going to be quite

promising.

Such a pity that all that talent will have to go to waste.

Champ. Now, just a moment, old champ.

Yes?

Yes, I... Good heavens.

What?

Yes, yes, I understand.

Hmm.

Right, well, thank you very much for letting me know.

Yes. Goodbye.

Well, that was the police.

According to the doctor's preliminary report, young Roberts died of an

of phenobarbital.

An overdose of phenobarbital. Well, you realize what that means. Another

suicide. It's an appalling situation. Only half an hour ago, there was one of

those paper men, Fleet Street, on the telephone to me.

I suggest we better think up some sort of ad hoc explanation of these

unfortunate incidents.

Yes, well, I suppose one can understand young Green taking his own life. Heaven

above knows I feel, in a sense, responsible for that. No, no, no,

mustn't blame yourself.

He wasn't the first man to be sent down. No, I don't know it. If only these

youngsters would come to me more often when they've got something on their

minds. So difficult to make contact with some of them.

I find it particularly perplexing about Roberts.

Everything opened to him, and now this.

What do you know about this fellow Steed?

Who?

Steed. Oh, Mrs.

Piazzi's friend, or anything very much.

We had a chat in the volunteer the other night. He seemed pleasant enough.

Why do you ask?

No, I don't know. It just seems strange. You see, it was... It was Steed who

discovered Green.

And now it seems that he found Robert.

You see what I mean?

It's odd.

Easter is on his way up the stairs now.

Hello. Can I come in?

Hello, Teddy.

Great. Gosh, what's this, the reptile hut?

Active -looking bunch you've got in there.

Well, I suppose you've had a lot of poor old Roberts.

Yes. Yes, somebody told me.

You were rather friendly with him once, weren't you?

Yes, I went out with him a couple of times.

I was rather fond of him.

He was rather moody, you know.

Isn't it funny?

You always think the people who talk about suicide will never really do it.

Yes, but they do, don't they?

What's wrong?

You're not still worried about Robert, are you?

I'm up to my eyes in debt. Oh, is that all?

Do you know Higby?

Yes, very well.

Well, I owe him 200 pounds. That must have been quite a party.

My mother was ill recently.

Cost the family a small fortune. I had to borrow from someone.

And now he wants it back.

Yes. Trust him.

Well, he can take me to court and put the bailiffs in here, which would be

rather embarrassing. I thought you did rather well with the old paintbrush.

Yes.

Yes, I do sometimes.

Then the maddening thing is, only last week I sold a picture to an American for

200 guineas. Well, then, what are you worried about?

There's his check.

Take a look at it.

200 guineas, 220 pounds.

Darling, 200 guineas is 210 pounds, as any bank clerk would know. Oh, yes, I

see. Well, now, that's quite simple.

You get your Mr.

Rockefeller to make you out another one or get him to change this one initially?

Only that he's on safari in Kenya and jungle drums couldn't convey the kind of

message I'd like to send to him.

The maddening thing is he included a blank cheque in the deal.

How did that happen?

He tore off two cheques at the same time.

They're rather nice to make out a cheque for ourselves for a thousand pounds,

aren't they? Yes, well, you know where that would land you, don't you?

Well, of course, it wouldn't be morally wrong to make out a cheque for 200

guineas. I mean, well, it is yours, isn't it?

I'd never be able to copy his signature.

Effort? Some trillions?

You got a pen?

Darling, do you think you ought? Oh, why ever not? Higby'll never know.

Peter Lynch.

How's your other girlfriend getting on, Miss Smith?

Oh, she's only a nodding acquaintance.

She's very attractive. I suppose she hasn't got a room full of alligators

to the college.

You made a brilliant speech at the debating society last week, I heard.

Well, it's all in good practice.

What for?

The day you become Prime Minister?

Oh, you never know.

I might become 10th Parliamentary Under -Secretary of the Ministry of Works one

day. Now, how's that? All you've got to do is to fill in the rest.

I'd say that was excellent.

Wouldn't you say that's an excellent forgery?

Oh, Higley, are you after money again?

You know, old man, the maximum sentence for forgery in this country is seven

years. What is this?

We want your cooperation.

We? What do you mean, we?

You fancy yourself in Parliament, old man?

Yes. Well, when you get there, you're going to represent us.

But when you leave here, I'm going to go straight to the police with this check.

Unless, of course, you agree to do a little something for us.

He's been raving mad.

What do you want me to do, kill someone?

Yes.

That's exactly what we want you to do.

Don't make yourself useful.

Try that end up over there for me.

I feel like Dr. Johnson's angler. What?

A stick and a string with a pool at one end and a worm at the other.

Who's the fool?

A worm?

I just spent the last couple of hours at the county police court.

They're still convinced that Robert's committed suicide.

Why shouldn't they be?

One word that Rogers was murdered and the whole pack of wolves are on for

You're talking about wolves. You remember that artist, Claire Summers?

she's a right wolf, that she is.

Well, some men like them, that way.

Well, first of all, she wolfed Davis, then she wolfed Green, and then she

Roberts. I think I'll pay her a visit.

Go to tea one day. Yes, well, impulsive competition, because Teddy's got his eye

on her now.

Well, I hope for his sake she doesn't wolf him, too.

Oh, you haven't tied it off like I said.

Come in.

Yes,

of course. College of business?

No, sir. It's personal.

Well, I'm always willing to help if I can. What is it?

Well, it's rather difficult to explain to you, you see.

I've been tricked into forging a cheque. Forging a cheque? Yes, sir.

At least I don't understand. I forged a cheque, sir. A cheque? Just a minute.

I don't understand. What you're saying is very serious. I know, sir. It's a

criminal offence. Now, look, you're treating me like a father confessor.

You ought to be discussing this with a solicitor.

But I must tell you, sir, you see, it partly concerns the college.

The college?

Yes, sir.

Oh, that's different. Sit down.

Well, go on.

Well, half an hour ago, a girlfriend of mine persuaded me to forge a cheque.

When I'd done it, her accomplice appeared.

It seems they're part of an organisation operating inside this university.

What do you mean, they're criminals?

Well, they're political agents or something.

And they force me to join them because they've got that forged check to hold

over me for the rest of my life.

In other words, they're blackmailing you.

Yes, sir.

Have they told you to do anything?

Oh, yes, sir. I have to commit a murder.

A man called John Steed.

I see.

Well, if you've got to dispose of Mr.

Steed, you'll need the means of doing it, won't you? No, sir. No, they were

serious, sir.

So am I, sir.

anybody there?

No.

You're not going in through the door, are you?

Why not? You don't. That's why not. Now, what you're supposed to do is put a

piece of brown paper on the window. Then when you... I haven't got any brown

paper, though. Oh.

I say, that's a useful thing to have. Where did you find that? Never you mind.

No, you don't. If anyone comes, come and tell me. All right. If it's the police

or anything, I'll whistle.

If it's the police or anything just come and tell me.

What are you doing here?

I was just going to ask you the same thing.

Thank you very much, my love.

Steve was here.

Bring this.

Did he take anything?

I don't know. You'd better have a look.

The checkbook.

Well, that won't help him.

It won't do us any good.

Well, East will get that back when he sees to him.

Yes. I delivered the one East made out a few minutes ago.

You'd better phone Shanklin.

Yes.

I think perhaps he had better be told.

Shanklin here.

Yes. What?

Oh, good heavens.

All right, you'd better come across and see me.

No, no, no, no. Come quite openly.

I don't think we've got anything to bother about.

Right?

Yeah, goodbye.

Can you get me your phone number, please, Sally?

Yes, what number? It's on that little card there. Excuse me. You know, Mr.

Steed, I've been hoping you'd turn up. Well, I've been looking for you, too.

Well, I'd rather say my things first. You see, I've been instructed to kill

Your call to London, sir.

He's off the phone. I've been dissatisfied with him for a long time.

Would you like me to get rid of him? Yes, I think perhaps that would be best.

But I've got something much more important to talk to you about.

One of our old boys is going to Washington next week on a diplomatic

Where is he?

There he is.

One of our finest operators.

I don't remember him. My dear, he was before your time.

Come in.

Yes, what is it? I am very busy at the moment. Dr. Frampton, I've been looking

forward to seeing you for a long time. You are the leading authority on Mrs.

Piazzi, eh?

Mr. East, who is this gentleman?

It's Steve Shanklin. Oh, I see. Now, I thought I gave you very definite

instructions, East. I know, sir, but I thought you preferred to do it yourself.

I'm afraid I don't quite understand. I just came to pick your brains up, Mrs.

Piazzi, if I'm interrupting. No, no, no, don't go, Mr. Steed.

I hate to let you down, and I'm afraid this might come as rather a shock to

but Dr.

Shanklin will explain.

Teddy, my dear,

Mr. East, your zealous execution of my instructions does you credit, but I'm

bound to say that your method of carrying them out is... Very, very

reprehensible. I agree.

The question is, sir, what do we do with him?

There's nothing much you can do with him.

You see, it isn't loaded.

I should take this one.

I think it's got one or two in it.

Oh, Boswell's life at Johnson.

The 1791 edition.

Ah, no wonder it's out of print.

The skies are going to clear up.

Put on a happy smile.

And where's our laudable landlord this morning?

I don't know. My sergeant friend says he's helping the police in their

inquiries. Oh, how public -spirited of him.

Oh, it's Sally. I've had a terrific stay in here as a key. Good morning, Dr.

Johnson. And how's Mrs. Piazzi?

She was in very good form when I left her. Oh, you haven't left her at last.

Here I am.

Well, honesty of it, Dr. Johnson says.

The noblest ambition in a man's life, that's a very rough translation, is the

high road to London.

Oh,

that's great. That's just great.

Marvelous. You coming, my love?

Why not?

Bye. Let me carry your case. And now I think I'll have the other half, Moira.

Sally. Yes, thank you.